A Few Of Her Favorite Things

A/N: Please not that the "Beastiality" warning is there to cover my rear; it's nothing serious, but I don't want anyone to be unnecessarily, um, distressed over it. It's meant more for comedic value than anything else. Written in response to Jaynedancing & Guinny_hamilton's prompt of "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens."

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It never would have happened at all if he hadn’t brought that cigar box out of his desk drawer. Well, that and making her sing Christmas carols at an embarrassingly loud volume the entire week she had filled in for his latest secretary (who, after surgery, had just regained the use of his legs – Marcus had sworn that it had just been a good-natured prank) hadn’t helped matters any, either. The truth of it was that Marcus Hamilton was long overdue for some payback. But what could she possibly do to him that would allow her to get some of her own back? Eve wondered as she strode officiously from Angel’s office. Lorne wandered across her path, singing some absurd song about his favorite things, and she sighed. It would need to be something that he couldn’t laugh off, preferably something that would prove extremely embarrassing in some way…but what? “Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,” Lorne serenaded her. She continued on her way to make her daily report when she stopped dead in her tracks. Whiskers on kittens… Looking around to make sure that she was unobserved, she turned on her heel and went in the opposite direction. It was past time she payed a visit to the Conduit.

Business concluded, she reemerged an hour later and made her way to the elevators where she punched in the code that would unlock Marcus’ level to her. He really should get that changed, Eve thought with a roll of her eyes. As soon as she stepped inside his suite, she told him so. “Marcus, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again….that code is ridiculous,” she greeted.

Her lover looked up from the enormous Codex he was reading. “What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s stupid.”

“It’s witty.”

“Marcus. The code for this level is 6-6-6. That’s the oldest gag in the world.”

“I like that code,” he protested.

Eve sighed and kicked off her designer heels, arranging herself on the sofa. Marcus eyed her discarded footwear disapprovingly before looking at her and crooking his finger. “Come here.” She went to him and smiled as he pulled her onto his lap, burying his face between her breasts and inhaling deeply. “You smell nice today, is it new perfume?”

She ran her fingers through his short hair, pleased that he had noticed. “It is.” Perhaps revenge could wait for a bit…her resolution as well as her good mood evaporated when he lifted his head and asked,

“Shouldn’t you be off fucking Lindsey?”

You are so gonna get it, you big ass. “I was with him last night.” And just to make sure he doesn’t suspect anything out of the ordinary… “You know he can’t satisfy me the way you do, Marcus.” Which was eminently true, even if she didn’t feel much like admitting it at the moment. Besides, she’d better play nicely since she might not get another taste for a good long while - if ever - after she sprung her trap on him. “So why don’t you carry me off to bed and fuck me into the mattress so I have something to fantasize about when I’m faking an orgasm for that idiot?” Marcus smirked and threw her from his lap to the floor, where she sprawled facedown on the rug. Yes, revenge was going to be very sweet. Not that she minded at all when he shoved her skirt around her waist, unzipped his pants, and thrust into her without so much as a by-your-leave. It was a damned good thing that simply being near him was enough of an aphrodisiac that she technically didn’t require foreplay the times when he was particularly disinclined to give it. Eve fisted her hands in the rug and shoved back against him as hard as she could, desperately needing more contact. “Unh…unh…yessss, fuck me, Marcus – harder! Ohhhhhh,” she moaned. “Go faster, I need- oh, God, yes…!”

She arched her back as he obliged, her vocalized pleasure a sharp contrast to his near-inaudible grunts as he worked his cock in and out of her. Eve cried out as a particularly vicious thrust nearly knocked her onto her face, and when he did it again she scrambled to keep up with him – Marcus fucked her across the room on her hands and knees until she was driven into the bedroom they often shared, and up onto the huge mattress where she hung onto the headboard for dear life while he satisfied the both of them. “Any more requests?” he growled into her ear finally. She shook her head, still reeling from her latest climax, and Marcus promptly settled one hand on her waist and the other curled around the back of her neck. She didn’t think it was even possible for him to push even deeper inside her than he already was, but that was exactly what he did; with his hands holding her in place he rammed into her until his hips stuttered in their rhythm and he surprised her by pulling out. “What…?” She barely had time to ask before he caught her hair in a vise-like grip and yanking her around to face him.

“Open wide,” he snickered. One hand dropped to wrap around his shaft, and he stroked himself to climax still holding her head in place. She closed her eyes at the feel of his seed sliding down her cheekbone and pretended revulsion – after all, he wouldn’t do it if he knew she actually enjoyed it. The fingers in her hair tightened, and she opened her eyes to glare up at him even as she parted her lips to allow him entrance. Eve swallowed his length until he nudged against the back of her throat, sucking and licking until his grip on her hair relaxed into a caress and he pulled free of her mouth. “Someone’s been practicing,” he said approvingly. Pompous ass.

Payback was a bitch named Eve.

She was awake early the following morning, the thought of what she was about to do having kept her from sleeping the entire night through…Eve looked over at Marcus, who was laying on his stomach facing away from her, and she eased the covers down so she could get a good look at what she’d be missing. Yes, there was no denying that she would miss Lucifer’s gift to women... Well, she could at least make this pleasurable for herself, even if he wouldn’t thank her later for it. Slipping out of the bed, she walked nude to the kitchen where she retrieved the small tub of butter she had placed in the refrigerator, and a basting brush from a nearby cutlery drawer after she had hidden all the sharp objects she could find in the places Marcus would be least likely to look first. Eve quickly moved onto the black marble floor of the entranceway and with a final apprehensive look over her shoulder, recited the spell that would make the penthouse accessible on a one-time basis to her co-conspirator before making her way back into the bedroom.

He was still sleeping soundly, sprawled nude across the white satin sheets, although he had had the grace to turn onto his back and make her job that much easier. Eve eyed her slumbering lover appreciatively, as he was an impressive enough sight to behold when fully clothed – nude he was positively breathtaking. She took in the view, admiring the long legs, the elegant line of his jawbone, the powerful chest…it was nearly enough to make her back out of her agreement. Nearly. Opening the butter and placing it at his side with the brush, she crawled into the bed to nestle between his legs and place a kiss on the inside of one powerfully muscled thigh. He sighed in his sleep, so she ran the tip of one finger along his rapidly stiffening cock and down beneath it to cup him in her hand, kneading gently.

When she felt a presence behind her, she beckoned the other female forward and hoped that her new companion’s intimidating nature would provide her with a chance to escape Marcus’ wrath and get to a safe distance.

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Marcus was having a most wonderful dream, full of murder and mayhem…and, curiously enough, a blow job. He quickly realized upon waking that it wasn’t a dream after all, as he felt the sheets beneath his back and Eve’s hair spread across his stomach as she stroked and licked him slowly. “Good morning,” she greeted in a tone that immediately struck him as odd. Almost as if she was trying not to laugh at something, but he disregarded it and kept his eyes closed to enjoy the sensations she was providing.

“Hmmm,” he answered contentedly, sighing in pleasure as he felt her tongue run across the underside of his penis before her lips fastened over the tip of him, sucking gently. He heard a strange sound and then something wet and slightly cold was being brushed over him. “What…?”

Eve gave a throaty laugh. “Just because you’re old enough not to want food anymore doesn’t mean I don’t need breakfast. Just relax and enjoy yourself…you’re the main course.” The brush was replaced with her tongue as she applied herself to licking whatever it was from his cock. “Like that, do you?” she asked mischievously when he felt a groan inching its way from his throat.

“Obviously, or I wouldn’t be-” Wait a minute. Orally talented Eve might be, but she certainly couldn’t talk and lick at the same time. His eyes flew open to see the tiny liaison perched on the bed by his side, looking down at him - if she was up here beside him, who was…? He looked down and felt the blood drain from his face.

There, contentedly licking the whatever-it-was from his nether regions, was the black panther from the Conduit.

“Eve?” he asked.

“Yes, Marcus?”

“I’m going to kill you for this. You do understand that, don’t you?” The infernal creature was still down there, licking. “Get him off me. Now.” He gathered himself to move away, when a low growl from between his legs stopped him in mid-motion. He might be immortal, but had no real wish to have any part of his anatomy bitten off.

Eve folded her arms across her breasts and looked down at him with amused condescension. “You may think you’re going to kill me for this…but you have to catch me first. And that, my darling Marcus, would mean having to move.” She reached down for – was that the basting brush from the kitchen? – a small container of something and brought it up to show him. “I chose only the best for you…see? It’s 100% butter, with no cholesterol, and it looks like you need another coating of it.”

She paused and looked back at him before she wiped the brush over him. “And by the way… ‘he’ is really a ‘she’. Don’t forget to stay hard until she’s finished with you – she might bite.” The panther at the end of the bed snarled at him, making him jump involuntarily before she lashed her tail from side to side and butted him playfully. “My mistake – perhaps she just really wants to play. You know, you might break a tooth clenching your jaw that tightly,” Eve informed him calmly. “You should just relax and enjoy yourself.” His fingers itched to go around Eve’s neck when the panther began kneading her claws against his leg, but she just sat there smiling down at him. “Remember that cigar? I do. Just like it was yesterday,” she told him with a wink.

“Since you are so busy thinking of things that happened yesterday, I just might ensure that you have no more tomorrows to suffer through,” he said through clenched teeth.

“Promises, promises… look, I’m off to do some shopping – you two just stay here and enjoy yourselves. Don’t wait up. Unless, of course, you have to….ah, stay up to avoid being bitten in tender areas. But you like that sort of thing, so you should get along just fine.” With that, she pecked him on the cheek and left. Her days were certainly numbered, that much was certain.

Marcus pushed himself up on his elbows to look down at his current tormentor. “You’re fired.”

The panther merely started to purr.


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