Cry On My Shoulder

Title: Cry on My Shoulder

Author: BuffyAngel68

e-mail: vg68@msn.com

Rating: NC-17 m/m sex and a tiny bit of bad language

Category: Pure lust, angst, comfort and A/W shippiness

Disclaimers: Don't own the characters. The cruel, cruel, angst-obsessed Joss Whedon does. I won't let you hurt them anymore, Joss! Songs and song fragments belong to Bonnie Raitt (Nick of Time album), Godsmack(Awake) and Carly Simon. I think they really fit. Feedback me and tell me if I was right, or if you think there was some better song or album I don't knboutbout. I'm always looking for faintly obscure or underheard artists to mine for lyrics. E-mail comments on the story also welcome. Thanks.

Summary: An instinctual response to the 02/04/02 epis. of Angel, in the form of a songfic. How dare they leave both of those gorgeous men alone! They won't be for long. Read on...

Notes: No, I do not write for Harlequin Romances! The ending paragraphs of the bedroom scene are just what came out at the time I was writing this, so deal! (hehe)

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dragged down
rubbin' my face in the ground
no time
for the undecided
i wanna know why i've always felt alone
i want love, why am i untouchable.....

Sick... of... my life
i'm tired of everything... in... my life
i never wanted to be sick... of... my life
i'm tired of everything... in... my life

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Pacing the lobby of the hotel, Angel strained to hear any noise at all from the office. No sound was worrying him after what he'd been hearing for the past few hours.

When Wesley had begun carefully removing all of the truly valuable items from the office space, Angel had almost spoken, wondering if he was packing to leave, but he'd held his tongue and waited to see what was really going on. After the severe disappointment of losing Fred to Gunn, Angel had prepared himself for almost any reaction, thinking nothing the watcher could do would surprise him. He'd been wrong.

Once everything fragile or irreplaceable had been safeguarded, Wesley had gone into the office, closed the door, locked it and proceeded to profoundly trash the small room, not stinting on the volume or the violence. A little over one-hundred and twenty minutes later the turmoil suddenly stopped. It didn't seem to wind down, or fade to an occasional slam of a book or crash of some other object. It just stopped.

Concerned, now, Angel finally headed for the office, not wanting to admit to more than that much emotion, afraid that his fear would bring into being a worse situation than already existed.

"Wes? Open the door, Wesley. Please. It got so quiet.... I have to know you're okay. Wes, at least answer me. I'm gonna break it in, Wesley, if you don't talk to me, right now. Wes!"

Unable to get any response, Angel focused his hearing and located Wesley's rampaging heartbeat and ragged breathing. "C'mon, Wes. I've been there. I know it hurts.... every minute that goes by makes you feel like you won't survive the next one.... I know. Let me in... let me be here for you."

"And you know so much about letting people in...."

"Wes...."

"Just break it. It's your lock. I don't much care really.... and I don't feel like getting up."

Carefully measuring out extra power, Angel turned the knob on the door just until the lock gave way under his hand. Pulling the door toward him, he stepped carefully over the small piles of debris Wes had created, then stood still for a moment, allowing his eyes to adjust to the dimness until he could find the spot behind the overturned desk where the other had hidden himself.

"Impressive talent for destruction. I'd add it to your resume. If you do decide to leave the agency, there are a lot of demolition companies who'd snap you up in a minute."

"Droll. Say what you came to say."

"Should I come sit with you in the corner, or will you come out? Not that there's anywhere left to sit. The chairs are pretty much kindling..."

"As I said, at this moment in time.... I don't really give a damn."

"Yes, you do." Angel told him, deciding to join his friend on the floor in the back corner of the tiny space. "You've been hurt, Wes. I get it. Believe me, I get it. I've seen both sides of that coin, and they're both ugly. "

"Hurt. This isn't hurt, Angel. I've been *hurt*, before. Hurt goes away. It may take time, but it eventually goes away. This.... this burns.... and it aches..... and I can't make it stop.... and it's set off this blaze inside me.... this rage that makes me want to break things, but when I do break things, I don't feel any better, so I just feel like breaking more and more, until the whole world is in pieces...... damn him, damn her....."

"Whoa. This isn't Fred's fault, or Gunn's. You know that."

"Damn me as well, then, for never going after what I want, for never standing up for my own interests and for never using the tongue God put in my head, at a moment when it might do some actual fucking good."

Coming out of Wesley's mouth, the single curse word struck Angel momentarily dumb, as it never had from anyone else.

"Wesley."

"What? Adult language goes with adult temper tantrums, Angel. I'd have thought you knew that."

"I did. I just never thought I'd see either one from you. So. Is the tantrum over?"

"It seems to be."

"Good. Glad to hear it. It really wasn't their fault. They couldn't help being attracted to each other."

"It isn't fair." Wesley stated sharply. "If you dare to tell me life isn't fair, I'll stake you where you sit."

"Like mine is? I finally remember I have balls and I actually have the green light to use them, I try and tell Cordy how I feel about her.... and he has to show up. That's the definition of unfair."

"I just realized. We've both been thrown over by a former cheerleader. How much more pitiful could we be."

"Hold up, there Wes. She's a hell of a lot more than that. You know what she's gone through for us. She and I would probably never work out anyway. When I see her smile..... watch her play with Connor..... I know she's made of pure light. I can't drag her into the darkness with me. She deserves to be happy. If she can find happiness with *him*..... let her try." Angel replied, the last sentence growled through clenched teeth that were on the verge of becoming fangs.

"Oh, that was convincing."

"I am not jealous of that...... that."

"I'd say 'you are too', but we'd be back in temper tantrum territory again. It's the opposite with Fred, you know. Gunn's world.... it isn't for her. It's dangerous and frightening and bloody..... and she shouldn't ever have to know about that. Her life should be beautiful roses, and silk and lace, and sunshine, and no fear... ever. He can't give her that. I can. I can show her beauty and place it in her hands.... but she doesn't want it. She doesn't want me." Wesley choked out, his throat tightening down on the words as he tried to force back tears that would not be denied. The more he tried to speak, the more his sentences broke into strangled chunks as his emotions overwhelmed him. "When will it.... be enough, Angel? I've paid.... over and over for my mistakes.... and so have you.... All I want.... is to stop losing.... for the damned universe to stop.... taking things..... and people away.... why couldn't it let me keep just..... one bit of happiness...."

Shifting closer, Angel gathered Wesley into his arms, his own tears falling softly when he realized he had no answer to the question, to any of the questions making a mockery of his life and Wesley's.

"I don't know, buddy.... I wish I did. I'm here, okay? I won't go anywhere as long as you need me."

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I know it's hard sometimes
and things seem larger than they are,
but if you need to tell someone,
that's what I'm here for.

Cry on my shoulder.
I'll help you rise above.
Cry on my shoulder, my love.

And in the world outside,
it can be harsh and cold,
but if you need someone,
I will be here to hold you.

Cry on my shoulder.
I'll help you dry your eyes.
Cry on my shoulder my love.

I know it's hard sometimes,
and things seem larger than they are,
but if you need to let it go,
then you can call on me....
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For both men, it seemed as if years passed before they felt any urge to pull away from the safe harbor the other was providing, though it was less than half an hour. When they finally separated, it happened slowly and hesitantly, as if both were unsure how to control their limbs and the appendages attached to them.

"I.... I'm sorry, Angel. I never do this. I don't understand where all this came from."

"You were in serious pain, Wes. You needed it, needed the release. So did I, to tell the truth. I think it was good for both of us."

"Perhaps. I certainly don't feel like throwing anymore temper tantrums."

"Good. I can only afford to re-furnish this office once a decade, so no more fits of rage for another nine and a half years."

"Agreed." Wes chuckled, gazing up into Angel's face, trying to read his expression in the insufficient light. "It looks like the universe's whipping boys are stuck with each other, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. I don't mind the idea, if you don't." Angel responded softly after a time, an extra layer of depth and warmth now coloring his voice.

"No. I.... I suppose I don't. Angel.... "

"Stop thinking, Wes. Don't analyze it to death. It's not about that."

"Analyze what? Angel, what are you saying?"

"Only that I suddenly see the sense in it. Nothing more."

"You see the sense in what..... specifically?"

His expression solemn and grave, eyes darkening down even as Wesley watched, Angel allowed a long moment of silence to spool out before he answered.

"In us; in two people who are unbearably lonely and hurt, being able to step outside their pain and find acceptance and peace in each other. Even if it can only be for tonight.... why should we deny it to ourselves, Wes?"

Stunned, Wesley felt as if his brain had lifted off the floor several feet, leaving his body on the ground. He tried to relax, tried to make his benumbed mind function, but his stable, familiar world merely continued happily spinning off its axis.

"I.... I don't know.... I'm very confused. Give me a moment....."

"It isn't that hard, Wes. I'm not talking about eternity, necessarily. One night to soothe each other's pain. It never has to be more than that, if we don't want it to. A few hours of guilt-free pleasure and comfort. No strings, no chains, no aftermath."

"Yes.... I'm about as proficient at no aftermath as you are, Angel. If we were to.... strings would be inevitable. In fact, strings are one of the few things I think we both do very well."

"Another point in the plus column."

"What?"

"Okay. I realize this was sudden. I'll spell it out. If this goes south, and if it's what we both want, I'm willing to let this be a one and done situation, but...... You didn't lie when you said we aren't bed-hopping, forget-this-ever-happened people. We're both 'Damn it, this meant something to me' kinda guys. No getting around that. The last thing either of us need is to go out and, yet again, get involved with someone who isn't ready, willing, or able to make a commitment."

"Dear Lord..... you're right...." Wesley murmured, finally catching on to the tail end of Angel's revelation and working his way up to the point where his friend was waiting for him. "The answer was so close all this time..... too close for me to see it, I suppose."

"Now that we're on the same page, I need to know. What do you want to do about it?"

"I'm willing to commit. About that there's no question. The rest..... I..... I have no.... experience in.... that area. It's a rather terrifying thought, actually....."

"Like I said, Wes.... stop thinking." Angel reminded him, standing and extending a hand to lift Wesley to his feet. "This isn't about the brain. It's about skin, and nerve endings, and the heart, and the soul. Shut your mind off for a while.... and tune in to the rest of you. What does your body want?"

"Angel, wait. Just wait a minute.... if we go into this with that mind-set.... this will be nothing but a one-night stand. This is about more than comfort. It has to be, or else...."

"It doesn't, Wes. If that's what you really want, talking can come later. For tonight, just let me make you feel better...."

"No!" Wesley cried, pulling his hand out of Angel's grip. "I won't do that again. I've given too much of myself away, too many times, too easily.... I won't just fall into your bed, only to find you can't even look at me tomorrow morning.... I already habitually avoid my own eyes when I look in a mirror, Angel. I won't lose the little dignity I have left..... just to 'feel better' for a few hours. Which speech was the truth; the one about tonight being nothing but bodies and solace, or the one about commitment to something beyond the needs and urges?"

Stepping close, Angel laid the back of one cool hand against the former watcher's cheek, and slowly slid it up and down.

"I said.... I'm willing to let this end with tonight, if it's what we both decide is appropriate. That isn't what I want. You need to understand what you're walking into, Wesley. If I do this, it can't be half way. I've had my fill of one sided relationships, where I walk away, cradling the guts that someone ripped out and swearing I'll never risk myself that way again. I won't do that even one more time, Wesley. If there's even the slightest doubt in your heart about whether you're truly ready to be mine, flesh, bone, heart and soul, then tell me right now..... and bodies and solace is all tonight will ever be."

Head whirring faster than ever, Wesley gazed at Angel for an intense stretch of seconds, then turned away for a moment, working through his confusion out loud.

"Yours. You... do you know what you're proposing? Noone.... noone in my entire life has ever actually *said* they wanted anything I had to give.... said they wanted me. Not and meant it, anyway. But... I think you do mean it. And you.... you're asking for everything.... how can I give you everything I have, all I am.... there'll be nothing left...."

"Wesley, stop." Angel said, turning the smaller man back around to face him. "Obviously your doubts aren't exactly slight..."

"What? Oh, no! Don't think.... I just had to come to an understanding.... with myself. Didn't quite realize I was doing it out loud.... If..... if you're serious about what you've asked of me.... I'm willing to give it. No doubts, no reservations, nothing held in reserve."

"Let's get something straight. I'm not looking for a slave, and we're not playing D/S games, Wesley. Surrender isn't what I'm asking for. I want to share your feelings and your thoughts, not take them from you. Can you show me all of it, even the dark places? Can you share yourself with me, Wesley?"

Staring into Angel's dark eyes, Wesley let himself get lost, drifting in the mahogany pools, whose color was swiftly deepening under the onslaught of Angel's desire, until it was almost ebony. Eventually, Angel shook the other man gently to return him to reality. "Wesley. Come back, guy."

"Hmm? Oh. My God your eyes are incredible...."

Abruptly, Wesley jumped a mile wide chasm and fell face first into a improbable conclusion, but one that, at that moment, made perfect sense to him. "You weren't.... you didn't.... have you been hypnotizing me all this time?! Have you been manipulating me, Angel...."

"Hypnotizing you?" Angel laughed. "Sorry. It's just such a horror movie question. I haven't used my Seduction Power in twenty years, Wes! Besides, it's really nothing more than a parlor trick used by weak vampires to lure prey. Trust me, no hypnotism here. It was all you, finding my eyes fascinating, which I'll take as a positive sign."

"So you should. What would you say to getting out of this mess.... and finding somewhere a bit more comfortable to sit and discuss the.... schedule for the night?"

"I'd say that's a great idea." Angel replied, turning and leading the way out of the ruined office to the elevator.

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We can never know about the days to come
but we think about them anyway.
And I wonder, if I'm really with you now,
or just chasin' after some finer day.

Anticipation, Anticipation,
is makin' me wait,
keepin' me waitin'

And I tell you, how easy it is to be with you.
How right your arms feel around me,
but I rehearsed those words just late last night,
when I was thinkin' about how right tonight might be....

And tomorrow, we might not be together.
I'm no prophet, Lord I don't know nature's ways.
So I'll try to see into your eyes right now,
and stay right here, 'cause these are the good old days....
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"Well. Here I am. Your bedroom.... It's.... quite nice.... for a... a bedroom. It... it even has a bed...."

Grinning, Angel tugged on Wesley's hand, encouraging him to step over the threshold and all the way into the room. Walking backwards, he pulled the other along, guiding him toward the bed and sitting him down. Crouching in front of him, Angel studied the other quietly, sensing he had a great deal more to say.

"Forgive me for the hesitation, Angel. I did say I wanted to do this."

"Nothing to forgive. You were right. This has definite scare potential. And we only agreed to talk, remember?"

"I don't understand. I'm not a virgin in *every * sense, for heaven's sake. Why should this frighten me more than any demon or monster I've ever faced? I thought I'd come at least some distance from the sniveling coward I used to be...."

"Okay, that stops here and now. First, you were never a coward, sniveling or otherwise. The Council doesn't employ cowards as Watchers."

"You'd be surprised." he mumbled. Angel ignored this rejoinder and continued without comment.

"Second, you're a born hunter. This.... you weren't born to. At least I don't think so. We'll have to see what natural talents I can uncover as the night progresses...."

"Angel...."

"Hang onto that for a minute. It's my turn. You never answered my question downstairs. Feel like you can answer it now?"

"You mean what does my body want?"

"Right. Not the mind. Skin.... and nerve endings. What do they want; what are they crying out for?"

"To be held.... and caressed. To be stroked over and over and over.... until I burst into flames at the next touch.... and weep if it doesn't come. To scream with ecstasy and joy until I fear my heart will explode.... I've never felt that. Noone's ever cared enough.... enough to make me care. It's what I've always wanted..... craved."

"That's a tall order. I don't know if I can give you that, Wesley. All I can do is try. Will you let me try?"

"Gods, yes, Angel. Please.... show me everything. Show me, now..... before I'm too scared to hear what my body is telling me it needs...."

"Slow down, Wes. We have time..... forever, if we need it. When you're studying with a master, you have to let him lead. Close your eyes.... and just be still at first, alright? Let me make a start, then you jump in when you feel like you're ready." Angel soothed, spending several minutes doing nothing but unbuttoning Wesley's shirt. "Relax.... let all your muscles relax, baby. Good. That's really good. Nice and loose... Gorgeous.... you're so beautiful, Wesley. I have to touch your skin."

Slowly, almost teasingly, Angel began to run his hands over the other man's torso, gradually working the open shirt off his shoulders and down his arms. "Your skin is so soft. I love the way it feels under my fingertips..... I wonder how it tastes? Salty, maybe.... a little sweet.... probably some of both...." he whispered, breathing the last few words into the air space a bare inch above Wesley's left nipple, just before he took it into his mouth.

The simple act resonating through his entire body, turning all his muscles to water and his brain to overcooked oatmeal, Wes fell back across the end of the bed, supporting himself only on his forearms, and Angel moved with him, never losing contact.

"A... Angel.... g...... goo..... "

"Are you trying to tell me it feels good?" the vampire chuckled softly.

All Wes could manage was a nod. "Glad to see my skills are still sharp as ever. Let's try the other one.... Mmmm.... salty and sweet.... I love being right..... "

By this point, Wesley had forgotten that the rest of the world even existed, utterly unaware that he was stroking Angel's back, fingers pulling and tugging at the fabric of his shirt as if trying to work it loose from under the waistband that imprisoned it. His conscious mind was screaming in terror behind a veil of arousal, but his subconscious knew exactly what he wanted; skin to skin contact.

When he realized how far gone Wesley already was, Angel stopped, sat back on his heels, and waited until the other man's eyes opened and began to clear.

"What? Why did you stop.... what did I do..." Wes almost whimpered, returning to a sitting position.

"Nothing. You did nothing wrong. You were doing everything right, as a matter of fact. I just wanted to be sure you know what you were doing."

"I don't understand...."

"You were pulling up the back of my shirt."

"I was? I mean.... I wasn't... I didn't...."

"I don't mind, Wesley. Like I said, it was a good thing. I love that my touch, my tongue, can take you out of that amazing brain of yours for a while, but I won't make love to a zombie. That would be like.... taking advantage of you, just to get my needs met. You'd hate both of us if I did that."

"You're right. But... it feels so incredible. I've never felt anything so good. It just makes me want to float away..... how do I....."

"It's my fault. I was having so much fun, I forgot to really talk to you. I muse a lot during sex, but I don't talk *to* the other person. It's a bad habit. I promise, I'll try and break it. Are you okay to go on?"

"Yes. I'm... back from the ethers, now, I believe."

"Do you want to finish what you started?"

"What... oh, the... the shirt. Yes, of course." Wesley stuttered mildly, reaching out an inch or two, then pulling back, then trying again.

"Take all the time you need. Living over two hundred years, you learn a little patience. I'm not gonna disappear. Go as slow as you want...."

"Yes, well, thanks to your talents, a certain part of my body isn't as tolerant and charitable as it might have been a few hours ago. Its message at the moment is 'get on with things, idiot!'." Wesley replied, gathering his courage and finally grasping Angel's shirt firmly, as if he'd found a lifeline. After a second or two, he managed to loosen the dark silk garment completely. Angel assisted by lifting his arms, and his heavily muscled torso was soon exposed to Wes' anxious, searching gaze. "Heavens....." he breathed, unable to tear his eyes away. "you're lovely, Angel. Magnificent...."

"All praise gratefully accepted." the vampire chuckled as he stretched out a hand and used Wesley's belt buckle to tug him forward and onto his feet, rising to stand as well. "I want to see all of it, every inch of skin.... is it alright if I finish undressing you?"

"Oh, yes. Please. Absolutely no objections from this quarter...."

"Thank you." the other repliedowlyowly releasing one end of the leather strap from it's metal fastening, then abandoning it while he went to work on snap and zipper. To Wes' great relief, Angel wasted little time in sliding the soft denim and the cotton briefs down his legs so that he could step out of them. All too soon, however, he felt Angel's hands trace their gentle way back up his body, a soft cool breath drifted over his ear, and he began to tremble, both with fear and desire. "Wes? It's your turn, if you feel like you can handle it."

"I... I can." the former watcher answered quickly, forcing eyes open that terror was squeezing shut, forcing fingers into motion that want and need were making clumsy and feeble. When, eventually, Angel's body was revealed to him, Wesley gasped loudly, rose and moved back a step.

"Wes? It's okay. Every lover I've ever known has reacted that way...."

"I'm sorry. That was incredibly rude. I just... I've heard.... there is usually some..... discomfort involved with a first time..... and considering your..... girth.... I suppose.... I do want this.... I want you very badly, but...."

Angel let Wesley babble until his mumblings petered out and faded into silence.

"Coming to an another understanding?" he joked, blinding his lover with a pleased grin.

"Yes. Was I doing that out loud again? Seems I have my own bad habits to confront, doesn't it?"

"We all do. Stop, take a breath, and listen, alright? Yes, it can hurt. Almost always does, a little. I've been this size most of my life. I know all the ways to make it hurt less. Having said that, I'll give you the alternatives. We can do everything *but* that. Relief is relief no matter how it happens, and there are a million paths to orgasm that don't include penetration. We can switch it around and you can make love to me.... but I don't know if you're ready for that. We can just stop, and not go any further. It's up to you."

"Angel..... I don't want to stop, I don't want everything *except* what I came here for, and, no, I'm not ready to be the aggressor. You're right about that. What I said before hasn't changed. I still want to be held, and touched, and I need to know someone gives a damn about me." Wesley reaffirmed, one hand straying down to cover the bullet scar on his stomach. "Compared to the hell dimension my life has been so far, a little more pain won't make such a big difference... I need you, Angel..... You brought me here, you made me want to believe in your words. Please don't back away now.... I couldn't stand it...."

Instantly, Angel stepped in and wrapped Wesley in a tight embrace, not for the body contact, which neither man took much notice of just then, but for the reassurance he understood his friend needed.

"I told you I'm not going anywhere. You can believe what I say, Wesley. Always. Always, always, always....."

As they separated, Angel realized Wesley was still covering his scar and smiled.

"Everything else out in the open, and he tries to hide his scar. You're an enigma to me sometimes, Wes. One I can't wait to untangle."

Reaching down, Angel gently, but firmly, removed the hand that concealed the puckered, long-healed wound. Leaning back in, lips close to Wesley's ear again, he let his hands randomly roam over the other's chest, waist, and lower back while he murmured soft words. "I said..... I want to know every inch of you.... the scars I can see.... the ones I can't.... the brightness and beauty..... the blackness and ugliness..... everything..... show me, Wesley..... open it all up to me...."

Dropping to his knees, Angel looked up at Wesley longingly, eyes full of the confidence and self-possession he felt so strongly, but also sensed his lover needed to see, then he deliberately kissed the blemish the former watcher had tried to keep from his sight. He spent several minutes lavishing attention on and around that single spot, until Wesley began to moan quietly. Only then did Angel move on, licking from the scar to the navel, from navel to hip, from hip to inner thigh, and from inner thigh to straining cock, sweeping the organ fully into his mouth in a single intense moment.

Praying for strength, Wes gave all he had to hanging on and not giving in to his orgasm as quickly as his body wanted to, but the actions of Angel's talented lips and tongue, and the need their previous touching had built up in him were too much for him to fight. Only a few minutes after the vampire had first engulfed him, Wesley knew the battle was lost. Once the fluid began to flow, once his muscles began to tense and relax, control wasn't an issue, exerting his will wasn't an issue. He simply pumped and pushed until the spasms ended and Angel let him go.

Exhausted, immediate energy reserves drained along with what felt like every drop of semen his body had ever contained, Wes felt his knees buckle, threatening to drop him to the bedroom carpet, but Angel caught him and laid him gently on the bed, his head cradled into a satin pillow.

"Wes? You okay?' Angel asked as he moved to lay beside him.

"Tired.... but I'm alright. God.... that was humiliating. I tried not to..... but I was so hard.... and I needed it so badly...."

"I know. It's on me, too. I could have slowed down some, but I had a feeling you wouldn't last long. Another night.... we'll draw it out. Another night, I'll make it last unyou you beg me to let you come....."

"Mmmm.... something to look forward to..... but we haven't finished with tonight's festivities, have we?"

"God, I hope not. You sure you're ready?"

"Ready.... willing.... and able."

"Okay." the older man replied, positioning his body over Wesley's. " Spread your legs a little more.... that's good. Stay right there, okay? Just relax..... and listen to me very closely. I'll try to make the pleasure outdo the pain, Wes. I promise I'll try." he vowed, sliding one hand over his lover's testicles, left, right, and back to the left, caressing and squeezing ever so gently, while the other hand sought out the tight ring of muscle below the hanging sacs. "Just stay calm, Wes. I'm just going to get an idea.... how much work I need to do before you're ready for me..... okay. That's not bad. You're not too tense.... excellent."

Wesley's immediate reaction to the single digit wog itg it's way into his body was startled shock, but it only took a moment or two for him to adjust and accept the new sensation, and another few seconds for his self-preservationist sense of humor to kick in.

"Ahhh! Oh... so... this is what you meant by.... showing you the dark places?"

"Not exactly.... but it is one interpretation." he laughed, stroking the tip of his finger over Wesley's prostate gland, rejoicing in the sight of the other man's cock springing back to life at that touch.

"Angel..... Oh my God..... what was..... hell, never mind.... again!"

The vampire complied once more, but then withdrew his hand from it's intimate position. "No! Don't! Please don't stop...."

'm n'm not. I need to get to the drawer in the night-stand, that's all. I'll just be a minute."

"Oh. Oh, right. Neccesaries...."

"Lubricant. It's an essential, no matter what size your partner is." he explained, returning to his previous position. "Lift your hips up a little so I can get these pillows under.... good, now open up a little more for me..... a little more. Perfect. You're so beautiful, Wes. Your skin, your eyes, your everything.... are you ready to take me in, Wesley? I want you so much right now..... I want to slide inside you..... and thrust and rock and tease you until you can't stand it anymore..... and you clamp your fingers in my ass and pull me so deep.... I'll never a w a way out again..... do you want that, Wes? Do you want my cock inside you? Will you let me in?"

"Angellllll..... do it..... do it now.... for God's sake...."

Leaning slightly forward, Angel guided the tip of his erection, glistening with the lube and with his own leaking fluids, into the canal his fingers had been stretching and loosening for several minutes. From the first short, easy thrust he attempted, he knew that Wesley would be a tight fit for him, perhaps too tight, even with lubrication. The watchers yelp confirmed his fears.

"Wes... this may not work. I don't want to really hurt you, and I could if I...."

"I... I'll heal.... Angel..... I want you.... inside me.... I'm going mad..... please"
"

"Okay..... I'm sorry..... relax as much as you can, Wes, okay..... please try and relax...."

Steadying himself, Angel retreated a little, then drew and expelled a deep, shaky breath. He knew that, with no margin for error, several short thrusts would only prolong the pain Wes would have to endure. His decision made, Angel positioned his cock at the entrance to Wesley's ass, and buried himself in his lover's body in one powerful movement. Wesley screamed high, loud and long. Angel held completely still and waited for a sign from the other that he could continue.

When the tears, panic and agony finally subsided, he felt Wes move against him, hip nudging hip only lightly, and the vampire knew that his partner was alright, was, in fact, urging him to complete what he had begun.

"Yes, Angel.... it's.... it's better now.... please go on...."

"You're incredible, Wes.... hold on.... stay with me, baby.... be with me..." the vampire exhorted as he snaked a hand between their bodies and began to stroke Wesley in rhythm with their, now, mutual movements.

"Yes.... yes.... I'm here..... I'm with you.... harder, Angel.... please..... nowww.... I need to.... feel it..... need.... you...."

Responding to his lover's breathless request, Angel increased the strength and depth of his thrusts, using every bit of will and control he possessed to make it last, to be sure the pleasure had enough time to overcome the burning and aching, but Wesley's body was squeezing him tighter than anything he'd ever experienced, and the wordless cries and sounds issuing from the man beneath him pushed the dark-haired vampire over the edge far sooner than he would have wished.

They went over that edge almost simultaneously, tossing each other's names high into the air on the wings of overwhelming passion, never-ending delight and the power of the blazing fire they'd built together, a fire that, for one moment in time, consumed all need, all pain and all sorrow, leaving only the embers of the past smoldering behind them.

Nearly half an hour later, his energy rebounding at last, Angel finally withdrew from Wesley's body, rolled onto his back and joined the former watcher in deep, contented sleep.
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"What do you mean, Angel?! The others will be here any minute, and the office still looks as if a pack of rabid hyenas with chain-saws came through! How could you let me sleep so late this morning?"

"We both needed the rest, in case you've forgotten."

"I could never forget last night." Wes reassured him softly, his head down, eyes divertedm thm the sight of the epitome of 'tall dark and handsome' standing beside him as they studied the ruin Wes had made of their only real office space. "That doesn't change the fact that I don't want them knowing how bad off I was before you... rescued me. I still believe Gunn will end up hurting her.... but I'm not petty enough to interfere, and if they realize I did t tha that knowledge will most definitely be classified as interfering...."

Turning away, Angel drew Wesley back from the wreck as well.

"It's no big thing, Wesley. We'll concoct a reasonable story.... or a not so reasonable one. After all we've seen, they're as likely to believe one as the other. I could have cleaned it up yesterday.... but something a lot more important would have been left broken. *Someone* more important. Priorities, Wes. Priorities...." Angel responded, dropping a swift kiss on the other's lips and moving away just before the others strolled in, both pairs in full couple mode; arms around waists, females looking adoringly up into male faces and smiling as if they've never seen anything so perfect.

Angel refused to look, tossing a quiet reply to their good mornings over his shoulder as he moved into the office to assess the extent of the damage.

Wesley faced them with the usual banter, and a grin he hoped resembled his normal one closely enough that no questions would be asked, but ever-perceptive Fred smelled a rat. Separating from Gunn's side, she asked him to make her a cup of tea and moved to interrogate Wesley.

"Hey. Are you okay? Ya look a little sad this mornin'."

"Sad? Oh, no. A little.... tired perhaps. I... I didn't sleep all that well last night."

"You're fibbin' to me, Wesley." Fred teased gently. "I know sad when I see it. Do ya wanna talk or somethin? I can go grab my tea, an a coffee fer you, an we can go somewhere quieter. They won't miss me...."

"Really. I'm.... just fine. You go ahead back to the others. Angel and I have some.... clean-up to do. Ak ofk of ... vandals apparently broke in last night and did quite a bit of damage before Angel was able to stop them. The office is well and thoroughly destroyed, so we'd appreciate it if the rest of you would hold down the fort while we make a start on the mess."

"Oh. Yeah, of coursellerller if ya'll need a hand."

"We will. Holler that is...." Wes mumbled as he watched her walk away, wanting to turn and run, but knowing he couldn't, didn't dare for fear of blowing his cover. He couldn't even manage to pull his eyes from her until Gunn glanced his way. At that point, he did retreat, trudging slowly into the office to join Angel in hiding.

{Not a sniveling coward, indeed. Perhaps someday..... with Angel's guidance and support..... dare I say the L word? Not yet. Someday. For today, cowardice is the better part of not breaking down in tears at her feet..... show me, Angel...... show me how not to be pathetic....}
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So now there's somebody new.
These dreams I've been dreamin'
have all fallen through.
You say I'll be fine, it only takes time.
Someday, that may be true,

but it's too soon to tell.
Ah, it's too soon to say.
Maybe someday, I'll be able to wish you well,
but right not'st's just too soon to tell.


It's all for the best, so they say.
You never intended, to hurt me this way.
You wanna hear, I won't drown in my tears.
Well, baby, the best that n san say,

is it's too soon to tell.
Ah, it's too soon to say
Maybe someday I'll be able to wish you well,
but right now, it's just too soon to tell.....
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END