Private Memories

Fandom: Btvs
Pairing: Spike/ Xander
Rating: NC17
Author: Mightbeme
E-Mail: Lee_Michelle_t@hotmail.com
Feedback: Hopefully yes
Disclaimer: Not mine, don’t own ‘em (pouts….stamps foot….) dammit, they belong to Joss.
Spoilers: Up to Beneath You in the current season, with flash backs to Doomed.

Notes: This is dedicated to my friend Meg…HAPPY BIRTHDAY HON.. sorry I’m a day or two late..er…umm..cough..cough…damm RL. A special thanks to Meg as well because she beta’d it for me, her way with words is so wonderful. It reads so much better now. (What sort of friend am I *sigh* give the girl a fic as a present and make her beta it.) Still I hope you had a great day, I love you heaps sweetie.


Private Memories

“Hands off the merchandise Spike…You don’t get to go there again.”

Anya shoved Spike out of her space none too gently. After the wedding that wasn’t and a few pointed words from the boss man, she reclaimed her demon roots with unbridled fervor, and it seemed the bitchy attitude came along with it. She settled herself on the stool and carefully smoothed her hair back into its new style.

“Please, I’ve already forgotten about our little time together.”

Nancy stared at the two, a puzzled look on her face.

“I thought you were Xander’s ex girlfriend?”

Anya sighed, obviously irritated. “I am.”

Nancy gestured at the two of them. “But you and Spike…?”

Spike and Anya glared at each other with distaste, their words overlapping.

“Had a thing.”

“Didn’t last.”

Nancy’s confusion only escalated with the admission and her eyes swept over the rest of their small group until they met Buffy’s. “But weren’t you Buffy’s….?”

Spike shrugged,“Briefly.”

Buffy waved the question away, “Never serious.”

Bewildered, Nancy stared at the band of freaks she’s gotten herself involved with this time. Where were all the normal people?

“Is there anyone here who hasn’t slept together?”

Xander and Spike’s eyes met in a flash of remembrance.


(Flashback )

Xander sat comfortably on the end of the bed, Willow by his side. His basement of doom had become overcrowded, thanks to the newly acquired, extremely undesired houseguest. Seemingly oblivious to the restlessly pacing vampire, Willow and Xander stared at the flickering television screen.

Spike’s pacing halted abruptly as impatience finally won him over. He planted himself in front of the screen obstructing any view of the television the teens might have had. His irritation peaked when the two young humans leaned to either side synchronously, trying to peer around him.

“What’s this? Sitting around watching the telly while there’s evil still a foot.”

Spike reached around to flick the television off, nervous energy bringing him to the balls of his feet with a bounce.

“That’s not very industrious of you. I say we go out there,” he rubbed his hands together in glee, “and kick a little demon ass!”

Xander and Willow gawked at the vampire and then each other.

“What? Can’t go without your Buffy, is that it? Too chicken? Let’s find her! She is the Chosen One after all.”

The two teenagers just sat on the bed, staring. Both trying to reason out just what possessed Spike tonight, aside from the demon already doing so, of course. Frustration crept into Spike’s voice and he struggled to inspire even the tiniest bit of enthusiasm in his companions.

“Come on! Vampires…grrr…nasty! Let’s annihilate them. For justice… and for…the safety of puppies…and Christmas, right? Let’s *fight* that evil!…Let’s *kill* something!”

When neither Xander nor Willow moved, his voice took on an edge of desperation. It was pitiful and he knew it. Master vampires do not whine.

“Oh, come *on*!”

Or…they do.

A car horn blared from the driveway outside, and Willow snatched her coat up frantically, bolting for the door.

“Okay that’s me, I gotta go now.”

Xander jumped up awkwardly to follow her, nearly tripping is has haste.

“I’ll walk you out.”

Spike spun around mid-pace and leapt towards where the two humans huddled near the back door.

“I’ll join you. Maybe we can kill something on the way.”

Willow turned and bumped full force into Xander before barring the way, with outstretched hands.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. You and Spike stay here. I think I’m equipped to handle the walk from your front door without getting eaten.”

A worried frown creased Xander’s brow, his hands outspread pleading with Willow for help.

“Don’t do it Wills, don’t leave me here with him. I don’t want to be cooped up with ADD-vamp. It’s a fate worse than death.”

“What the…You better watch it, boy. I know where you sleep.”

Green eyes crinkled up in humour as a small smile lit her face, she gathered Xander’s hands in hers and squeezed them tight in reassurance.

“You’ll be fine, Spike knows how to behave, don’t you Spike?”

Spike sighed, turning away from the two to resume his restless pacing, throwing one more appeal in her direction.

“You sure you don’t need an escort Red? Can’t have anything happening to you.”

Willow turned to leave again, a toss of her red hair and the soft click of the door closing following on the heels of her final words.

“Goodnight boys.”

Xander despised the idea of being left alone with the restless vampire, and waved a hand dejectedly at the already closed door in farewell.

“Wills…ok night Willow.”

Spike bounced over to Xander, his unmitigated zeal for the prowl more irritating to the young man than ever.

“Come on…let’s go out.”

“No.”

“But…. evil…”

“No.”

“Out there….”

“No.”

Idly, Xander wondered who slipped the vampire speed, and more importantly where he had to go to slay them. Spike was practically vibrating with suppressed violence, and the teen had long ago begun to fear for his sanity if not his life. Xander squashed down his frustration and stalked over to turn the television back on. Spike watched intently, a new thought unfurling in the recesses of his mind and the…well, other, more important parts of his body, as Xander bent over. Head tilted, words more measured, tone mellowed, he gave the thoughts voice.

“But I need to do something, I’m gonna go crazy here.”

“Spike just chill, watch TV, go to sleep.”

“I’m a vampire…you know what that means don’t you?”

Xander flipped aimlessly through the channels desperately trying to find something to distract his hyperactive houseguest. Spike’s speculative gaze left to roam the boy’s body unawares.

“Well duh…you’re dead with big pointy teeth, a penchant for biting people on the neck, oh and you’re really irritating to live with.”

“Besides that you git.”

Sighing in defeat, Xander tossed the remote down on to the bed and turned to face Spike.

“Geez Spike, I don’t know, I don’t care, I just want to go to sleep.”

“Vampires mate, do three things.”

Warning bells rang in Xander’s head as he looked at the blonde, but something (perhaps the irritating little curious man in the back of his mind) compelled him to ask.

“Which would be?”

“We feed.”

A flash of sharp fangs and game face drove Xander a step back, the instinctive fight or flight reflex kicking in as Spike tracked every miniscule twitch and flinch he made with predatory eyes.

“We fight.”

He staggered backward another step before he rammed into the wall, hard and cold against his back. His heart racing, flooded with a sudden rush of adrenaline.

*Chill Xander, he can’t hurt you…can he?*

Xander feinted to the right but a cool, hard chest blocked his escape.

Blood crept up from his appendages to settle in his cheeks as Spike’s eyes traveled the length of his body with a hunger Xander had never seen aimed his direction. It rendered him temporarily speechless and Spike flashed him a truly wicked smile.

“Or we fuck.”

“Oh no, oh no, oh.” Xander started to hyperventilate, his breath coming thick and fast. Spike’s smile grew broader as he scented the sharp tang of fear on the boy, and his face stretched nearly to breaking when the heady musk of Xander’s arousal slipped into the mix. Nonchalantly, he trailed a finger over Xander’s heaving chest.

“Can’t feed, can’t fight…that leaves shagging.” Each word drew his hands closer to the prize, and on the last one, he snagged the waistband of the boy’s jeans, drawing him flush against his body.

Xander conjured up Willow’s resolve face and bucked away from the wall. Spike blocked him, pinning him ey. Iy. Ignoring the little voice in his head that screamed for him to just give in, he tried to be firm.

“Oh no…you bleached freak, you’re not shag…doing anything to me.”

The vampire’s honeyed tone did little to soothe the fear Xander found turning his feet to lead.

“Oh, but pet, you’re sure I can’t change your mind?”

The human made another attempt, shifting quickly to the other side, but Spike’s arm shot out to close off that escape route as well. Hands planted firmly against the wall on either side of his prey, the vampire leaned in and sniffed at Xander’s neck, smiling at the faint hint of arousal that still lingered.

“No, no, and no…so not gay…and did I mention that I’m not gay?”

Stormy eyes bored into his as Spike’s hand trailed down to cup him through his jeans. Xander gasped as his cock twitched in response, unfamiliar fingers and a sure touch stroking him to hardness.

“Neither am I pet. I’m just…flexible.”

Transfixed by the heat in those hooded eyes, Xander’s breath hitched as cool fingers slip past the waistband of his jeans. The soft pop of a button undone and the whisper of his zipper being lowered eclipsed even the pounding in his ears, all of it too loud for his liking.

“No.”

Xander sighed in exasperation, gasping again as long cool fingers wrap around his cock.

“Yes pet.”

“Oh god.”

Xander couldn’t believe the ease with which he adapted, his erection already stirring to life in another man’s hand. The hand in question moved up and down his shaft, skimming, fondling, taking away his will to leave…to move…to do anything but stand there, cold wall at his back and cool hand bringing him closer to release than anyone else ever had. His eyes closed, mind unwilling to believe any of it, that Spike of all people was giving him a handjob…a damm good one at that.

The whispered words in his ear forced his eyes open, the meaning of them somehow fuzzy in his rapidly overloading brain.

“Shoes pet.”

“Huh?”

“Take off your shoes.”

Xander toed off his sneakers and kicked them obediently out of the way.

“Good boy, ready for some more?”

“M..m..m..more?”

Clutching the wall for support, Xander stared in disbelief as Spike lowered himself to his knees. Eyes wide, he watched as the vampire’s hand abandoned his cock to tug his jeans and boxers down his legs.

“No…. no Spike.”

The human struggled to move away but Spike’s hands clenched around his hips roughly and held him still against the cold wall. Xander squrimed trying to pull away, but the moment that cool, wicked, talented tongue touched his hard cock he moaned in surrender. He stiffened in shock, hands scrabbling at the walls for purchase as Spike licked him from base to tip almost reverently.

“Oh god.”

Cool air played over the head of his cock, making him shiver in response and Spike’s silky voice drifted up to his ears.

“Still not interested pet?”

Precum oozed freely at his slit and Spike lapped it up murmuring appreciatively at the treat. It was all Xander could do to stay standing and his knees threatened to buckle when he suddenly found himself engulfed by the vampire’s mouth.

“Gah.”

Sharp pain sparked at his crown as his head struck the wall, and he screwed his eyes shut against the sensation. The mouth on his cock slid down to touch his belly, lips nibbling at the curly hairs. Xander forced his eyes open, lowering his chin to stare down at the kneeling vampire. Flashing blue eyes and the sardonic quirk of an eyebrow reminded him that even with his mouth full of cock, Spike still had more control over the situation than Xander.

“Fuck..Spike…. uh…uh..oh.”

Spike’s head bobbed, full lips sliding over Xander’s length, cool mouth finding places the human boy never knew were that sensitive. Strong hands pressed down and in to spread his legs and Xander began to hump in earnest. Wily teenage hormones usurped the last shreds of the boy’s control, and Spike smirked again, knowing the time had come to step up his assault. Xander’s thighs fell open as the vampire’s fingers stroked and tickled his balls, his body in complete thrall. Spike’s finger brushed over his perineum and the boy bucked wildly into his throat. The busy mouth never faltered, smirking around the cock when Xander curled his fingers into Spike’s platinum hair.

“Fuck owww…Spike.”

The slight prickle of pain from the chip as Spike’s finger probed Xander’s opening was enough to make him sigh in disappointment. Recovering he redoubled his efforts, one hand tugging on Xander’s balls the other stroking the boy’s hip. Taking the hot cock deep into his throat, Spike swallowed, contracting his throat tightly around it.

“Oh fuck….yes…oh god do that again….please..Spiiiikkkkeeee.”

Xander’s cries rang in his ears as the boy pumped his cock down Spike’s throat, shooting hard as the muscles clamped down around him. Drinking down the thick liquid Spike massaged Xander’s cock with his lips, getting all that he possibly could from the limp member. Xander’s hands released his head and the teen nearly buckled, wavering drunkenly from the force of orgasm and sagging against the wall behind him.

“Mmmm pet, you taste pretty good, must be all the chocolate you eat.”

“Msswhasat.”

Spike’s hands kept Xander pinned to the wall as the vampire rocked back to his feet. Moving the human towards the bed, Spike stripped him out of his shirt, pausing to strip his own clothes off as well. Xander fell to the bed, fumbling on his hands and knees as Spike grabbed his hips to keep him from collapsing. Swinging his head around, Xander gasped, the fog clearing rapidly as a cool, hard cock eased between his cheeks. Over his shoulder, he saw the demon’s yellow eyes mapping his skin, possessing him as Spike fought for control. The urge to bury that hard cock in Xander’s virgin heat, all but overwhelmed the vampire in its intensity.

“S..s..s..spike…?”

Spike shook his head, letting his eyes change back to their normal intense blue. Sighing, he released the boy. Xander quickly rolled on to his back, staring up at Spike in fear.

“Don’t fret boy, can’t fuck you can I?”

“Oh.”

Brown eyes wide with insecurity, Xander looked away, feeling somehow inadequate.

And then a cool body blanketed his, a hand pulling his face back to stare into those oh so blue eyes.

“Not that I don’t want to pet…. but with this chip, it’d hurt me more’n it would hurt you.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t mean we can’t do somethin’ else though does it?”

“Huh?”

His air and any more silly questions were cut off as Spike’s lips come down hard, stealing his breath away. Xander moaned, giving Spike an opening in which to thrust his tongue, sliding it deep into the boy’s mouth. Sweeping around, the vampire savoured the innocence there, feeling the reaction as it rippled through Xander’s body. His hands stroked firmly down the brunette’s sides, and with a deft touch one slipped between their stomachs, to find the boy’s half hard cock.

“That’s it boy.”

“God…”

Knowing fingers coaxed Xander back to full hardness, and Spike sat up, straddling his strong thighs, smirking down at the helpless human.

“Good boy, nice and hard for me.”

“Wha…? Oh god…”

“Got any slick boy?”

“Huh…n…n…no.”

Spike shrugged, blue eyes glowing gold around the edges.

“Been awhile since I’ve had it dry, might hurt you, which’d hurt me, better not risk it.”

Before Xander had a chance to speak Spike lifted his wrist, slashing his fangs across the white flesh. Rich ruby drops trickled across the pale skin, dripping down around his wrist.

“S..spike what are you……oh……doing?”

Spike held his wrist over Xander’s cock, letting the fat drops dribble over the crown, using his fingers to slick them down the throbbing length. Xander’s mouth dropped open, eyes wide with lust as the cool fluid encased his cock.

Taking up the boy’s hand, Spike let more blood drip onto his fingers, leaving Xander befuddled for a good long moment. The human rubbed the cool, slick blood between his fingers, caught between slightly nauseated and disturbingly horny at the sensation. His eyes flew wider still as Spike guided his hand around muscular flanks till it rested in the crease of his buttocks.

“Uh Spike, what am I doing?”

“Push your fingers in.”

“Huh?”

Spike’s hand squeezed hard around Xander’s hardness and his hips bucked wildly, nearly throwing the vampire off of him as a strangled moan crept past his lips. The blood slick fingers pushed in, Spike grunting as the muscle gave way. Xander stilled, and with a smirk Spike lowered himself onto the upturned fingers, his own fingertips digging into the boy’s wrist as he held it steady.

“That’s good pet, just like that.”

The burn eased and Spike slid off the fingers, positioning himself over Xander’s blood-slicked cock. Xander swallowed, unable to move, eyes glued to the erotic sight of Spike slowly impaling himself on the bloody length. Muscles corded in Spike’s neck as he fought again for control of his body. Heat suffused him as inch after inch of steel hot cock rearranged his insides, delightfully. A shiver ran the length of his body, making forgotten muscle groups clench and release. Spike groaned squeezing his eyes shut, throwing his head back in surprise and pleasure.

“God never thought you’d be this bloody good, pet or I’dve done you sooner.”

“Fuck…oh god, Spike, so tight…. so good.”

“Told ya I was flexible like didn’t I.”

Spike rose and fell, angling himself for maximum pleasure as he rode Xander. His eyes focused on the boy’s face; guilty pleasure had given way to sensuous abandon, as Xander thrust up into his lover. Droplets of sweat glinted in the half light where they were scattered though the unruly dark waves of Xander’s hair.

Whiskey eyes colored nearly black with passion; Xander’s mouth hung open, breath panting out through his lush lips. His hot hands trailed up Spike’s strong legs, letting work calloused thumbs caress the pale inner thighs. Xander’s mind reeled, lost in sensation, his cock massaged by the strong inner walls of Spike’s body. Never in his life had sex been this good, granted he didn’t have much experience to fall back on here. One quickie with Faith couldn’t count for much, she’d steered him round the curves all right and left him out of gas in the middle of nowhere. Spike’s body was a revelation, cool though warming with the friction of his cock, tighter than he would ever have imagined. The only thing he knew was here and now, the whys could wait for later…much later. His eyes focused and he licked his lips, tentatively moving his hand to slip heated fingers around the pale bobbing cock.

“Oh fuck yeah, god you’re so hot, like a bloody furnace boy…. gonna make me cum.”

Spike’s voice, rough with want, shot a bolt of fire through his cock. He wrapped his hand firmly around the vampire’s thick length, pulling him with all his hard earned skill.

“You like that, wanna make me cum little boy, want me to shoot my load over your chest………fuck… want me to shove my cock in your pretty little mouth and cum down your throat?”

Xander groaned deep in his chest, half in denial, but his face flushed in desire and Spike saw…and smirked, before he lost himself in the heat and the rhythm. Rising and falling until he felt his body tighten. Slamming himself down over and over until nothing remained but the cock in his arse and the white light behind his eyes. Soundlessly, he fell into pleasure so profound it left him gasping for breath he hadn’t needed for well over a century. Cum shot from his cock in spurts covering Xander’s belly and hands as the boy shuddered from the reactions in the vampire’s body. Tight muscles gripped him, rippling along his length as he continued to thrust up into Spike’s vise like channel.

“Oh god..oh god..ohgodohgodgonnacumgonnacumfuckspikkkkkkeee”

Thrusting so hard he threw the vampire’s limp form forward onto his chest, Xander arched into a blazing orgasm. His cock twitched in the depths of Spike’s now unresisting body, his cum coating the vampire’s insides.

Boneless, the blonde slumped onto Xander’s chest, uncaring of the sticky residue that now covered their stomachs. Drifting towards sleep, Xander’s hands stroked the vampire’s back, satisfied lassitude flooding through his body. Spike lay still, pretending to sleep, enjoying the warmth that leached from Xander’s body. They stayed together until sleep claimed them, Xander’s arms firmly wrapped around Spike.

The vampire woke suddenly, feeling the heat diffuse as Xander left the bed. He watched as the dark haired boy stumbled to the bathroom, heard the splashing of water as the lad cleaned himself off. The mumbled words spoken under the boy’s breath were loud in his ears, as if Xander were still beside him in the bed.

“What the hell did I do?”

Something more than regret filled the voice and Spike felt his armour slip back into place. Better to be the one to push away than to cling to the boy. He knew when he wasn’t wanted. A shag was a shag no matter how good, no matter that he wanted more.

*How pathetic are you mate, wanting that git, no better to end it now…before*

Restlessly the vampire waited for Xander to return, he wanted to scream at the confusion on the boy’s face.

“Spike…”

“What do you want whelp?”

“Umm about last night. I want…”


“I know what you want…you want me to use you, to fuck you…”

“No…”

Xander tried to look away. This wasn’t what he wanted at all. How could he tell Spike he liked it, that he wasn’t sure about the way he felt towards the blonde anymore.

“Think I’d want you for anything else brat…think again.”

Hurt singed what remained of Xander’s heart, he’d thought Spike might have changed, just a little, but he hadn’t. Somewhere inside Xander felt something break, fear made his voice tremble.

“You…you’re not going to tell the girls are you?”

Spike’s bark of laughter cut Xander to the quick. The vampire forced himself to continue, to ignore the pain he saw in the boy’s expressive eyes.

“What and soil my reputation, I don’t think so mate. I don’t want anyone knowing I got shagged by you.”

Spike all but spat the last words out, watching in relief at the tide of anger that swept across Xander’s face.

“Good, as far as I’m concerned it never happened.”

“Suits me whelp.”

“ Fine then.”

“Fine.”


*Flash forward*

Spike’s last words echoed in Xander’s brain as he ed ned nervously at the blonde. He saw something flicker through Spike’s eyes…recognition…or was it…regret.

The blonde watched Xander’s eyes glaze a little as the memory of that night replayed for both of them. Spike glanced away but not before he smelt Xander’s reaction, arousal, hot and heady, assailed his senses. Startled, he fobbed it off, trying to deny the feelings that washed over him…guilt…want…need.

He tried to focus on what Anya and Buffy were saying. Anything but the memory of Xander. The sensation of his hot body burning into Spike’s cooler one as they coupled looped over and over again in his brain. His soul screamed to him that he had wronged the boy… no the man. But he couldn’t do anything about that now. Not while they had a Sluggoth demon to find. So when Anya started pulling on his arm, he was startled to find she could see into him. She could actually see his soul. He had no time just then to think about Xander and that night. First he had things to do and then…well time enough to talk to the human…see where his feelings lay. Maybe…they’d have to talk, he’d have to explain, apologise.

Time enough later, right now he had a vengeance demon to fight.

tbc