The Waking of Xander

The Waking of Xander


As Xander walked away from Giles, he rubbed the back of his head. I never knew guilt could give you a headache. God, he'd never be able to live this down. He's owe Giles forever for keeping it a secret that he remembered everything from when he was possessed by a hyena spirit. If Buffy and Willow knew, they would not be able to be the same friends they'd always been.


My God, had he really done all those things? Helped eat a pig, raw; sexually attacked Buffy; totally tore up Willow; tried to pull a family from their car. All in a two-day stretch.


He remembered the pig tasted good, although as a human he couldn't appreciate it.


Attacking Buffy as much as that stirred up some parts of his anatomy that plagued him way too often, thinking about it only made him feel bad. Thank God Buffy was good at forgiving and forgetting. He couldn't be happy without her friendship.


That poor family he and the others had tried to pry from their car, probably thought it had been some weird gang war or some such. He was thankful Buffy has stopped them before anything else happened.


What he'd done to Willow was a lot harder to get over. Aside from the fact that he had badly hurt his best friend in the whole world, he wondered if those had been his own deep, dark thoughts, or the hyena-spirit's. One of the spirit's characteristics was to attack a person's weak spots. (Boy, had he hit the mark with Willow.) Xander was almost sure that the spirit had simply used his knowledge of his dear friend's psyche to wound her.


As he walked to his next class, he went over in his mind all the things he wanted to do to make it up to Willow. Maybe a picnic. She loved picnics when they were younger. Yeah. He'd pop over to her house before she got home, and put it together. Mrs. Rosenberg would be getting ready for work and could help him prepare the food. He entered his classroom feeling a little better.


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Where did that boy disappear? Willow was walking home from school alone for the first time in years. She hoped there was nothing wrong with Xander. I mean, he had been doing hyena-things for the past couple of days. Maybe something he ate made him sick. (Like the pig.) She giggled as she remembered the look on his face when they told him about it. Then, he hugged me and called me "His" Willow. She thrilled again as she remembered how his arms felt, around her. What she wouldn't give to have him do that for a different reason. (sigh) Oh well, she'd lived without it this long Onward, to home and hearth. She said to herself.


She arrived home to find the door unlocked. Her mom was at work, as was her dad, so no one should be here. She pushed the door open with her foot, and slowly crept inside. There were noises coming from the kitchen, so she went to the swinging door, and peeked through.


Xander was putting dishes into the dishwasher. Over on the far counter was the family picnic basket, full. I'm dreaming, right? She entered the room quietly, and snuck up behind the boy. When she got close enough, she goosed him in the side. He yelled something incoherent and leaped up to the countertop, where he sat, wide-eyed.


"Willow! Are you nuts? You scared me half to death!" He slid off the counter to land in front of her.


"Sorry, I couldn't resist. You startle so good." She grinned at him. "So what's up? Who brought out the picnic basket?" She was proud of how innocent she sounded.


"I did. You've had a rough time lately, so I'm taking you to the park." Xander watched ecstatic amazement pop up on Willow's face. "Hey, I can come up with good ideas occasionally. Once-in-a-while." He knew he sounded a tad petulant, but Willow of all people should know about his sensitive side.


He looked a little bugged, so she decided to stop needling him. "I know, I know. You're very tuned-in, Xander." She watched as he took the basket in hand, and nodded for her to go out ahead of him. She opened the back door, and they headed out across the back yard.


When they got to the park, Xander found them a shady spot, and laid out a blanket on the grass. Then he took Willow's hand, and led her over to sit down next to the basket. He sat near her, and opened the lid to take out the food. She saw that he had made his special Xand-wiches (chunky peanut butter and bananas) for her. Yum she thought ryely. They began eating.


When Willow couldn't eat another bite, and Xander had wiped out the leftovers, she got brave enough to ask what this was really for.


His expression darkened. How to explain to her what he felt, when he wasn't sure of it himself. "I don't like the thought of you being hurt, Will. That guy had a knife to your throat." She nodded. He noticed she had a tiny smile on her lips. Her lips looked soft and pink. He found himself wondering if she'd ever been kissed. Hello, Xander? Bank to what he'd been saying- "And I heard about what I said to you in the hall." Just a little fib. He grabbed her hand. "I'm really sorry, Will. I hope you didn't believe any of it. I don't feel that way." He stroked the palm of her hand with his thumb as he spoke.
She tore her attention away from the sensations she was feeling in her appendage, and answered him. "I did at first. I mean, you've made it pretty clear that you're interested in Buffy, and I just figured you were tired of me hanging around you two. Three's a crowd, right?" She looked over to see him sitting with his mouth open, and his eyes wide as saucers.


"Have I given you that impression? You can slap me if I have." He sat quietly for a moment, still caressing her hand. "And I'm not wanting Buffy anymore. You know how my hormones treat me, Willow. They don't let me think straight around most girls." He let go of her hand. "Except you, that is." He felt strangely bereft without touching her. Weird.


She didn't know if that was an imagined slight or not, but suddenly Willow was overcome with the injustice of it all. She started to cry. His hormones don't respond to me. I must not be female enough! Not a loud person, the tears fell silently, with no accompanying blubbering.


Xander was stunned. The last time Willow cried was when he's said those horrible things to her at school. He must've done it again. "Willow? What did I say? I didn't mean it. Jeez, what's wrong with me? I've got foot in mouth disease or something. Come on. Please stop. I can't stand it when you cry." He scooted over next to her on the blanket, and wrapped both arms around her slight form. He was always amazed that such strength could be found in a body that might blow away in a strong wind. In the past couple of months he'd more than once found himself gazing at her body. Willow was lithe and (no pun intended) willowy, where Buffy was round and almost too muscled. "Willow, are you not talking to me?"


He sounded so like the little boy she'd known years ago, she had to smile. Of course, she was also reveling in the hug, and sweet words. OK, maybe she could tell him. This was as good a time as any. "You're hormones don't react to me." Jeez, she sounded really choked up. All the better.
Xander was at a loss, so he did the first things that came to mind. He pulled back, lifted her chin gently, and kissed her. The kiss was so light as to be almost non-existent, but the two of them were incredibly shaken by it. In fact, Xander's brain completely froze up. All that was going on in his mind was big TILT sign flashing.


Willow was gratified to see the effect she had on him, and her own emotions were in overdrive. Her hand came up to touch her lips. He kissed me! Her heart soared for a moment, and then it dropped like a stone when she stopped to ask herself a hard question. Did he kiss her out of pity? Well, she'd come this far, so she was going to take it the rest of the way.


"Xander." He was still staring at her, so she tried again. "Xander!" Ah, that got a reaction. He actually blinked. One more time. "Xander!"


"Huh? What?" He'd had the same look on his face the day they met Miss French, Willow realized. Ha! His hormones do react to me!


"Xander, are you alright? Cause if you are, I've got a question." Her tone of voice got his attention. This was Willow at her most serious.


"OK, shoot." He looked at her mouth, and wondered if he could get away with another kiss. Her lips had been as soft as they looked.


Here goes. Willow took a deep breath. "Do you pity me? Do you feel sorry for me? Do you think I need help? Did youw thw that was my first kiss?" The last was said in a whisper. She looked down er her hands in her lap, and waited for his answer.


Huh? Xander was still trying to pry his eyes off her. That kiss had done something to him. He was considering things in a different light. Like Willow's dad. Until this moment, he hadn't understood why the man no longer trusted him to be alone with Will in her bedroom. He looked at her out from under his brow. Her long, silky, auburn hair blew in the breeze, and caressed his face. He certainly understood it now.


Xander also remembered many instances when Willow had said or done things, or even just looked at him in a way he didn't get. Oh my God! The realization hit him like a brick. Willow had loved him for years! Before he could tell himself to move, his body moved.


He grabbed the girl's hands and pulled her into a tight hug. "No; no; no; and I hoped so." He pulled back to look into her beautiful blue eyes. "Did you get all that?" he asked gently. She nodded, and smiled slightly. Her liquid eyes were expressing what he wanted her to say to him.


"Why didn't you tell me how you felt about me, Will? All the time we spend together, and you couldn't let me in on the secret?" He reached up and wrapped his fingers around a handful of her long hair. He took great enjoyment out of rubbing it across his lips. Willow watched him, and began to shiver very slightly.


Hesitantly, she attempted to explain it to him. Strange how she could normally say anything to him, but this "I didn't want it to happen this way." Her tone was matter-of-fact. "I wanted you to notice me like I've seen you for a long time." Her voice got quieter as she spoke, and by the time she finished it was almost nothing.


The smell of her hair wafted around his face, and he felt the comfortable Willow-feeling he always got when he was with her. He flipped her hair back over her shoulder, and leaned over to whisper in her ear, "I noticed." He kissed the soft skin under her ear, and without breaking contact, slid his lips around to hers. Their second kiss was no light one, and it lasted a full minute before they ended it, in need of air.


"My God, Will. What have I been missing?" Xander felt as if his very soul had been stirred. Somehow his hands had wound up in hair again, and he was loath to remove them.


Willow had yet to open her eyes. She was breathing very deeply and slowly, although the pulse beat in her throat could be seen to go 90-to-nothing. "I was right to be patient." She said aloud, to herself. She cracked her eyelids just a little. Enough to see Xander staring at her mouth again. Hmmm. Her tongue slipped out to lick her lips briefly, and she watched his eyes narrow with the emotions he was feeling. She wanted him to show her.


"Xander? I want you to kiss me again." She waited expectantly. He grinned, and leaned in to press his lips against hers once more.


After a long, deep, toe-curling kiss, he leaned back just enough to look into her eyes. What he saw was enough to almost make him cry. The love that she felt for him was at long last returned. She was obviously ecstatic.


"Willow." The urge to touch her mouth was uncontrollable. He rubbed his thumb lightly across her lips. "I know I've told you I love you, but did you know I LOVE YOU?" Her hand slipped up to brush the hair away from his eyes.


"I do now." She spoke quietly. "I love you, Xander." Their arms slid around each other again, for a snug hug.


Both wondered what their lives would be like from now on. Can't wait to see they both thought.


THE END