No Good Turn
No Good Turn
Title: No Good Turn
Author: Spike’s Heart
Email: spikes_heart@yahoo.com
Pairing: Spike/Buffy
Rating: NC-17
Setting: Beginning Tabula Rasa –
Season 6
Disclaimer: If they were mine, I’d let them grow up.
Feedback: Yes, please!
Archive: Ask me,
nicely.
Warning: Not a fluffy puppies
A/N: Tab Ras set up, no Mr. Teeth
w/kitten poker debts, Spike isn’t at the meeting at
the Magic Box. Canon dialogue taken from Buffyworld
transcripts.
Beta’d by: willshenilshe
Summary: What if
had never tried the mind-wipe spell and Buffy sought another course of action
to end the pain of her resurrection? Dark, dark,
No Good Turn
Buffy couldn’t believe that Giles was going to leave. Yesterday
she’d been forced to spill her deepest, darkest secret – her best friends had
pulled her out of heaven, not hell – and she was miserable about being back.
“I can't do this without you,” she tried again. Surely Giles
ldn’ldn’t deny her when it was obvious that she was falling apart…?
”You can. That's why I'm going. As long as I stay you'll always turn to me if
there's something comes up that you feel that you can't handle, and I'll step
in because, because ...” Giles sighed, pausing momentarily. “Because I can't
bear to see you suffer.”
Buffy’s voice hitched, her eyes brimming with tears. ”Me too,” she cried. “Hate
suffer
mal>“Believe me, I’m loathe to cause
you more, but this…” It was clear that looking into his almost-daughter’s teary
face was more than he could bear, but Giles forced himself to continue. “I've
taught you all I can about being a slayer, and your
mother taught you what you needed to know about life. You ... you're not
“But why now? Now that you know where I've been, what I'm
going through?”
“Now more than ever. The temptation
to give up is gonna be overwhelming, and I can't
let-“
“So I won’t! No giving up. You can be here, and I can still
be strong.” Please, Giles! Don’t do this
to me… don’t leave
“Buffy, I’ve thought this over… and over. I believe it’s the
right thing to do.”
“You’re wrong!” she yelled, and stormed out of the training
room, leaving Giles sitting in stunned silence.
Quickly scanning the store, she spotted Anya
and Tara thumb wrestling at the table, Dawn standing over by one of the
bookcases and
Shit! She had
forgotten the whole reason for being in the Magic Box was the Scooby meeting
Giles had called. Oh, God. He was gonna tell them all
he was leaving. Unless… unless he changed his mind. Buffy sat down on the steps
leading to the loft with her fingers crossed.
Giles walked out of the training room, polishing his glasses
and avoiding eye contact with everyone.
“Let me jump to the chase,” he began, shooting Buffy a quick
glance. “Um ... I'm headed back to
and I plan to stay ... indefinitely”
“Now?” Xander
squawked incredulously. “Not now, I mean, not after… everything.”
“Yes, now,” Giles insisted.
“For real this time?”
seemingly unaware of the rising tension amongst her friends. “’Cause
honest to Pete, a young shopkeeper’s heart can only take so much… I mean, not
that I want you to go-“
“I can’t do this.” Buffy quickly walked past them, towards
the door. “I just, I don’t think…”
“Buffy, listen,”
entreated, managing to stop her before she left. “I know this must be awful for
you, and I, I’m sorry, I… I’m so sorry for…”
Buffy nodded, impatiently. “Sorry. Everybody’s sorry. I know
that you guys are just trying to help… but it’s just, it’s too much. And, and
I, I can’t take it anymore,” she sobbed, her eyes brimming with tears. “If you
guys… if you guys understood how it felt… ho fee feels. It’s like I’m dying,
it-“
Shaking her head, Buffy threw her hands up in frustration,
yanked open the door and ran out, leaving her friends open mouthed with shock.
***
They didn’t get it. None of them.
She was pathetic; a failure at both life and death at the age of twenty two,
and all of it played behind her eyes in a constant stream of condemnation.
Her parents’ divorce began the reel of disaster running
through her head. No matter what they said, Buffy knew it was her fault.
Whatever problems Joyce and Hank had were exacerbated by her increasingly odd
behavior. Their relationship had frayed around the edges during her
hospitalization, and never recovered. Sneaking out to slay and burning down the
gym at Hemery were the cappers.
She failed at being a good daughter. And who suffered? Dawn.
Because of her, Dawn lost the chance of having a normal life with two parents.
weren’t real. Or the sister.
Oh, and let’s not forget how she failed at being a good
Slayer. Refusing to listen to her Watcher, falling in love
with a vampire, for crying out loud. Souled,
yes… but still she’d managed to unleash his demon and cause death and
destruction amongst her friends and the very people she was charged with
protecting. Dying at sixteen – accepting her death at
sixteen.
Fighting back from that had been hard, and she thought she’d
succeeded. Obviously denial was a state she’d moved into long ago. And no
matter what she did, or how she tried, Angel left anyway. For
in her? Even then?
And Spike? Another sign of her failure as
a Slayer. He was tough, to be sure – a Master Vampire. When they’d met
in battle for the first time, he’d almost killed her. He would have, if her
mother hadn’t banged him upside his head with that axe. Saved
from a second death at the age of seventeen by dumb luck.
Her mother. Mom.
Mommy. Dead and gone from her life.
Buffy felt she had failed her most of all. Disrespectful and
sneaky. Judgmental as hell… never giving the woman
credit for anything. They’d finally grown close in the months before she
died and her loss was devastating.
In one fell swoop, Buffy became the adult in the family.
Everything was her responsibility now; the house payments, food, repairs, parenthood…
add that to her slaying responsibilities and the possibility of a real life of her
own became nil.
Buffy brought herself up short, ta in in great gulps of air
while she rested against the side of a building. Failure, failure, failure still played in her head, drowning out
the sound of her pounding heart.
Spike… why couldn’t she stop thinking about him? He seemed
to come the closest to understanding her these days.
personal level most others couldn’t. His love life was as spectacularly crappy
unable to feed on his natural food source.
How did she get here… to this place where there was nothing
good or right in her life, where her onlmformfort was found in the company of a
creature she was born to destroy? Given, major points in his favor came from
his not being a factor in her fall from heaven.
Then again, neither was Dawn, but being around her was
painful… there was so much hope in the younger girl’s eyes, overly solicitous…
when she wasn’t acting up and freaking out.
Spike, on the other hand, was quiet, as oxy-moronic as Spike
and quiet in the same thought could possibly be. He didn’t want anything from
her. Didn’t ask her to be cheery, or even happy to be back
amongst the living. They could sit for hours and say nothing, but feel
everything. He would understand.
She began to run again, pushing off the wall with purpose.
Spike would get it. He would know why she couldn’t do this anymore. He would
understand that Giles’ leaving would be the final straw that broke the Slayer’s
back. And she could do something for him at the same time. She could offer the
vampire his third Slayer on a silver platter.
Imagine the boost to his reputation amongst the demon
population… offing the Slayer while still chipped. That should take care of his
traitor status. He would survive, and she’d have one less thing to feel guilty
about. God knows her friends wouldn’t be looking out for him.
This was good. The beginnings of a plan.
She would go home, write a few farewell notes for closure, then make Spike an
offer he couldn’t refuse. With a goal in mind, Buffy headed for
***
It was near daybreak by the time Buffy slammed open the door
to Spike’s crypt, almost vibrating out of her skin with agitation.
“To what do I owe the honor, Slayer?” Spike yawned,
obviously more than ready for bed.
“I-I’ve got a proposition for you.”
Oh, really?” Spike drawled, toeing
off his boots. “Finally come to your senses an’ want to have your wicked way
with me?”
“I want you to kill me.”
Spike stopped in mid-motion, his red button-down shirt
hanging halfway off his body. “What kind of game are you playin’
with me now, pet?” he asked suspiciously.
“I can’t do this anymore, Spike. I can’t keep faking ‘cheery
Buffy’ for the masses.” Buffy sobbed, knees buckling as she sat down hard on
the ground. “Giles is leaving me… he’s going back to
for good.”
Buffy agreed with the expression of incredulity on the Approaching Buffy slowly, Spike sank to his knees at her “It’s no good. He doesn’t want to stay. I’m not enough to “I’m not “Listen to me, Spike.” Buffy looked up at him, oddly calm “Of course I’ll help you,” Spike grabbed her by the “I want you to kill me,” she repeated, calmly and without The finality of the situation finally hit him: Spike hugged the unresisting girl to his body, tighter than “If there’s no chance of changin’ Buffy looked into his eyes with gratitude. “I figured I owed “Fightin’ against each other, an’ They sat on the floor for several minutes, just holding onto Shifting slightly, Spike gathered the now quiet Slayer into “J-just get on with it.” She twisted in his lap, looking at Losing his human mask, Spike licked a broad stripe up the Tearing himself from the sound of Buffy’s slowing heartbeat, The blood dripped into her lax mouth, threatening to spill Buffy stirred in his arms, opening her eyes and catching “Hate you too, pet,” he managed to choke out, as she died in *** Spike refused to bury her. Been there, done that… it had ripped With any luck at all, Buffy would be at ease with her He’d never made a childe before. Hoped like hell he’d done So he sat back against the headboard, propped up by pillows, An indeterminable amount of time later, Buffy gave her first “You poor bastard…” Buffy said, waking. “I should have known “Slayeo yoo you Buffy raised her hands to her face, feeling the brow ridges “And it doesn’t change things, Spike. I’m tired. Deep down Spike hung his head in sorrow. “Seems I can’t With her fingertips, Buffy raised Spike’s chin until they “Any urge to go out and stalk your old friends? Chow down on “Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m more than happy to steer Spike cocked his head to the side, baring his neck to give Buffy drank slowly, pressing With well-practiced hands, Spike eased her leather pants and Buffy’s hands hadn’t been idle. She stroked the growing As Spike’s erection sprang free of its denim prison, Buffy It was all that Spike ever wanted… to be surrounded by his There were no words of love offered, just grunts and groans Spike held onto her hips as her rhythm began to falter, It only drove him on, making his thrusts a little more She tightened and fluttered her inner muscles around his As her body seized and clamped around him in the throes of They held each other tightly, riding the little aftershocks *** Buffy awoke first. She was hungry, but she resisted the urge Amazingly enough she wasn’t upset that Spike had turned her, She placed a kiss on his forehead before leaving the bed to Sure enough, he found her several hours later at her “No way I can talk you out of this, luv?” Buffy reached out to stroke her Sire’s face and smiled. It “I’m sorry, Spike. Really I am, but there’s no way I can “And this is how you choose to end it? It’ll be far from She nodded, looking into his amber eyes with her own. “Mom “So will I,” he whispered, wrapping There were no arguments. Spike was a Master Vampire with Hours passed and luck was with them… the cemetery was quiet And when the sun rose, it took mere seconds before their *** Three days passed before Giles found the pale pink envelope He heard her scream from two houses away. Too Forging on, his feet slowing with every step he took, Giles “Murderer!” she shrieked, launching herself at her sister’s Giles stood there, allowing the girl to pound her grief into Buffy’s words echoed in their hearts: “The hardest thing to Nothing else they could do but try to go on.
vampire’s face. “See? Even you know it’s a sucky idea
for him to leave now. Spike, I begged
him not to go. I–I don’t… I can’t… it’s too much for me. I can’t be a mother,
side. “Do you want me to talk some sense into Watcher boy? I can set a pack of
quick.”
make him stay,” Buffy cried. “I’m not enough to make anyone stay.”
you from this world again.”
for the moment… and in that moment, scarier than ever. “I’ve made up my mind.
I’ve left notes for Giles and Dawn where they’ll be found in the next day or
so. I thought for sure you would understand I can’t be here anymore. If you’re
not willing to help me…”
shoulders, shaking in his intensity. “Been telling you that
for months already. Anything you need, I’ll do.”
emotion. “If you don’t, I can always slip up on patrol and let some whatever
have it’s one good day… or…” She pulled a small sword from the sheath between
her shoulder blades. “I can slit my throat and bleed out all over your floor.
Your choice to let all my Slayer’s blood go to waste or not. One way or the
other, Spike… this is my last day on earth.”
to off herself! and there was nothing he could do
to change her mind. The thought of her death at the hands of some unknown
demon, or even at her own hand, was unbearable.
could possibly have been comfortable, and gave in.
your mind, luv, I’ll do it,” he shuddered. “I’ll
drain you.”
it to you, in a way. You were the only vampire to ever really challenge me. We
with,” Spike agreed.
each other before the vampire made his move.
his lap and brushed the hair from her neck. “Are you sure, Buffy?” he tried one
last time, desperately hoping against all odds that she would change her mind.
“Can’t change your mind in the middle, luv.”
him with flat, dull eyes, as if all life had already been drained from them.
“I-I’m through, Spike. Finished. Just… no more pain,”
Buffy whispered as she bared her throat for the last time.
length of Buffy’s exposed neck. No reaction whatsoever. Not even a tremor. Her
heartbeat was slow and steady… just waiting. He bent his head, placing a kiss
over her pulsing jugular vein, and sunk his teeth gently into her unresisting
flesh. Mouthful after mouthful of the sweetest blood ever to pass his lips slid
down his throat.
Spike stopped. Just a little bit more and she would be gone. He looked into her
face and saw nothing but acceptance… and couldn’t go through with it. In a last
ditch measure, even knowing she would hate the idea, Spike ripped open a gash in
his wrist and held it to Buffy’s lips, praying that it wasn’t too late.
over when she didn’t swallow. Slowly stroking her throat to force the motion,
Spike’s tears fell silently. The whole situation was wrong. The bitch! She knew
in the end he’d be unable to refuse her anything. Using him
to commit suicide.
his. “I hate you, Spike,” she gasped with her last breath.
his arms.
out his unbeating heart to cover her with dirt. After
barring the crypt’s entrance with one of the stone sarcophagi, he carried Buffy
downstairs and sat in the middle of his bed, settling her into his lap to wait
for her to rise.
soulless state. Nothing pressing on her mind, no cares or worries other than
her first meal… and he’d be her source for that. They could leave
it right; drained her enough, fed her enough to make her other than a mindless
fledgling. The worst was not knowing how long until she rose. Angel’s last
childe hadn’t taken more than a couple of hours on that submarine, but as he’d
often said… he was no Angel.
and watched as the color leached out of his once golden girl and her body
temperature dropped. Hours passed with no sign of movement. Just
two corpses in repose.
signs of coming to unlife. Her true face emerged
along with a sub vocal growl emanating from her chest. Spike braced himself for
a vicious attack. In no way was he prepared for her actual reaction.
you’d have a problem killing me,” she whispered softly around her fangs. “I’m
sorry I dragged you into my mess.”
realize what’s happened?” he asked, wonder in his eyes as he held her gaze.
and fangs of her new unlife. “Sorta
figured you’d turned me when I woke up. I don’t feel much different, though.”
Shaking her head, her human mask returned, as beautiful as ever if slightly
paler than before.
bone tired,” she sighed. “This won’t work for me – an eternity of depression
and longing for death.”
do nothin’ right where you’re concerned, pet.”
were face to face. “I know you meant well, and I’m not angry, just
disappointed…” Her thoughts were interrupted by her stomach gurgling. “… and it
seems I’m hungry, too.”
the Watcher, or make a feast out of droopy boy?” The almost hopeful look on
Spike’s face was enough to drag a reluctant giggle from his childe.
clear of my friends.” Sliding her hands from his face to his neck, Buffy pulled
him closer, running her tongue up the side of his neck. “I am feeling a strong
pull to someone a lot closer,” she purred, wiggling slightly on his lap.
her easier access and hardened against the buttons of his fly as the little
fledgling sunk her fangs into his neck for the first time. Each pull of blood
from his veins roused him further, causing him to buck up into her bottom.
herself down against Spike’s answering hardness. The taste of her Sire’s blood was
intoxicating, rendering her barely capable of focusing on anything else but her
need. Easing Buffy’s fangs from his neck left her whimpering as she licked the
wounds closed. Frantically rubbing herself up and down his denim-clad length,
she lapped up every last droplet.
thong over her backside and down her thighs, knocking her strappy
sandals off as the material cleared her feet. Her shirt and bra swiftly
followed.
bulge in Spike’s jeans until he moaned, fumbling with the buttons until
frustration got the better of her and she ripped the fly open – sending the
buttons in several different directions.
kneeled up, straddling her Sire’s hips. With one hand around Spike’s neck for
support, she reached back, guiding him to her welcoming folds. In one swift
move she impaled herself, moaning as her body stretched to accommodate him.
goddess, and l Her Her quim was cool where there
should have been blazing warmth. There should have been passion where he felt
desperation, but it didn’t stop him from thrusting up into Buffy’s slick
channel.
as they slammed into each other, holding on for dear unlife.
They needed each other with the intensity of having no one else to turn to.
Buffy’s sobs grew louder the closer she got to her release, shuddering as she
rode her pain away.
gently nipping at the pale rose of her nipples as her breasts bounced before
him. Each jounce and ripple brought home the fact that this was just an
interlude… the one and only joining of a Sire and childe. He knew – with the
certainty of the damned – that it wouldn’t end well.
forceful. Buffy would know he was here with her… for her… as best he could be.
In the only ways left to them.
shaft, driving him higher and harder. Before long, that low down burn in his
belly indicating imminent completion made itself known, drawing his balls up
tight to his body.
her orgasm, Spike dropped his human mask, and with a roar, sank his fangs into
his mark and came, spasming with the force of his own
release.
that coursed through their bodies. With a little careful maneuvering, Spike
eased his way out of Buffy’s body, and spooned up against her back. Sleep
claimed them both, putting off that final, inevitable discussion.
to take Spike in his sleep, and the thought of bagged blood just felt like too
much trouble. Looking over at her sleeping Sire, Buffy hoped he’d let her go.
considering he’d made no secret of his love. Now she understood that it was
possible for monsters to love. A shame that knowledge came
too late to do either of them any good.
find her clothing, determined to take control of the last hours of her life
with as little fanfare as possible. She left no note for Spike, knowing he’d be
able to find her if he so chose.
mother’s gravesite.
he begged, his heart obvly bly breaking just a little bit more at her
determination to end her existence. “We could make it work together. However
you want it. We don’t have to follow the archaic Lore of Sire and childe.”
amazed her the ease in which that word took on such
significance. She was sorely tempted to give over the reigns and be a follower
for a change, but she knew it wouldn’t be fair in the end… to either of them.
continue, much less start something new. You know me… it’s my way or the
highway.”
painless.”
will watch out for me.”
his arms around her narrow shoulders. “Won’t leave you,
Buffy. I could do with a bit of rest, m’self.”
over a hundred and twenty five years of unlife under
his belt. If he wanted to be her guide into hell, she wouldn’t stop him.
for a change. No new fledglings rose, and no patrolling Scoobies
to explain things to. They talked to each other until there was nothing left to
say.
combined ashes scattered over Joyce Summers’ grave.
stuck in-between his bills. The contents of Buffy’s letter ripped a cry of
anguish from the man’s very soul, before he ran to
Dawn before she found any such letter of her own.
late.
pushed open the door, finding
and
page crumpled in her hand.
one-time mentor. “You killed my sister!”
his chest. Eventually he wrapped his arms around Dawn’s shoulders, both of them
sinking to the floor as shock set in. The witches gathered around, all
murmuring their sympathies.
do in this world is to live in it.”