Rescue Me

Title: Rescue Me
Author: Margie
Rating: NC-17 (for the naughty sex parts)
Pairing: X/S
Warnings: Not a happy ending folks, ANGST.
Spoilers: Set between S5 and S6 during the summer between The Gift and Bargaining.

Sum: Wr: Written for the Spander Inquisition ficathon. For narcolepticcat. Things wanted: Xander rescuing Spike, Spike unable or unwilling to say I love you. (Possibly the mentioning of feelings for Buffy on both guys' parts.) Things not wanted: first time in the basement.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Joss owns it all damn him! Feedback: Yes please! margaritagomez1@msn.com
Archive: If you want it just email me to tell me where it's going. It will eventually be on my own website when I get the chance to update (www.angelfire.com/indie/margarks/index.html)

Authors Note: Thank you Edi for the beta!!

***

Spike was going through the motions, dusting one vamp here and another there. They were out tonight, the witches, the whelp, and himself. Patrolling. Pretending she was still here, still alive. The Watcher had the bot with him, making a show of it on the other side of town.

"Oi!" Spike yelled, just as a vamp was about to come up on Xander's blind side. Before Xander could even blink Spike had the vampire dusted. "Watch it, whelp! Don't want your demon bint coming after me just because you were a daft bastard!"

"Whatever, bleach boy! I had it handled," Xander huffed back.

They trudged along for the next few minutes in silence, Xander dropping back to walk beside Spike. "So, got Dawnie to do her history homework yet?"

Spike nodded. "Yeah, the bit's really pissed that she had to take Summer school, though."

"She did have a pretty good excuse for missing her final."

Spike shrugged. "Yeah, well. Teachers don't exactly have a category to file 'kidnapped by a fuckin' Hell Goddess' absentee slips."

"Yeah."

They walked for a bit more before Spike spoke again. "Got her to do the work, though."

"How?"

"Just told her the facts the way I lived through them."

"Spike." Xander said the name as if it were warning.

"Don't worry your pretty little head, whelp. Cut out all the nasty parts, yeah? Not a total idiot."

"Coulda fooled me."

"Oh, for the - Will you ever grow up? You're a soddin' five year old, is what you are."

"I know you are, but what - " Xander's taunt was cut off by the sound of the girls screaming.

Both Xander and Spike broke out into a run, skidding to a stop as they found the girls surrounded by a gang of at least fifteen vampires, and one very big troll.

"What the Hell is that?"

"Troll."

"Doesn't look anything like Olaf," Xander observed.

"Yeah, well, different races, aren't there? Just like people."

"Really?" Xander's voice was curious.

"Whelp!" Spike growled. "Think we can discuss your lack of troll knowledge some other time?" Then Spike was joining the fray, fighting his way toward the biggest threat.

Xander jumped in, waving his stake and trying to get to the girls. He noticed that Willow and Tara were holding hands, chanting somet too too low for him to hear. He hoped it was one of those all-purpose demon removers omethmething. Because he was pretty sure that fifteen, plus a troll? Not exactly even odds.

Xander dusted one vamp only to be clouted in the head by another. He landed hard, trying to turn himself in time to keep the vampire from pinning him down. Just as he felt the pressure of another body landing atop his, it disappeared. Dust settled around him and he glanced around, getting a small wave from Willow. Obviously the Wiccas had worked their wands and saved Xander's butt. He jumped back inhe bhe battle, still trying to work through the crowd to the girls. Hoping there'd be more safety in numbers.

But before he could breach the outer circle of demons, he saw Spike go down. He waited for Spike to use those vampire reflexes and bounce back but nothing happened. Spike lay still on the ground as the troll lifted what looked to be an incredibly large spear. He acted without thought, diving toward Spike and pushing him out of the way. The spear came down inches away from his thigh, before Xander could scramble completely away.

Spike went into action then, pouncing onto the troll's back and snapping its neck with apparent ease. "Why the Hell didn't you do that in the first place?" Xander asked, exasperated. Spike only shrugged. There were still several vampires left to fight, though one or two had run once the troll had been defeated.

By the end of the battle all four of there bre bruised and tired. "I think we should call it a night," Willow suggested. "I'm too pooped to patrol."

Spike and Xander walked the girls back to the dorm. Afterwards, Spike walked Xander to his apart, as, as he did every night. Buffy had only asked him to watch over Dawn, but Spike felt that he owed her since letting her down so completely. So he made sure that none of them ever got hurt, at least not permanently.

He left the whelp to his bint and headed to his crypt. The sun would be up soon and he was bone weary. He didn't bother to light any of the candles; he wouldn't be there long. Instead he grabbed ttlettle of Jack and stumbled his way back out into the night.

He sat on a bench close to the crypt and took a swig. He couldn't do it anymore. Couldn't fight the good fight, couldn't keep going, not when she was gone. Another swig and he was lying down, his back on the hard stone bench.

He drank the rest of the bottle, wanting to be well and truly pissed when he met the sun. Maybe he could drink himself into oblivion; then he wouldn't even feel it when he finally burnt to ash. He'd go straight to Hell for sure, no doubting that. But 's only what he deserved.

The empty bottle dropped se fse fse fingers, landing on the soft grass with a hollow thump. "I'm sorry, luv," Spike whispered. "Know I promised, Buffy. Know I did. But failed you already, I did, or you'd be here, 'stead of me. And there's no goin' back now, 's there, luv?"

Spike's eyes filled with the same tears d bed been shedding every night since she'd gone. He muffled his sobs with the sleeve of his duster. "Love you, Buffy. Know you never believed me, but I did." Spike continued tospersper through his grief. Finally he could feel the blessed numbness of alcohol induced sleep stealing over him. And without another thought, he let it.

***

As Xander dragged Spike's lifeless body back into the crypt, he wondered what the Hell he was doing. So Spike was trying to kill himself, why the fuck should Xander care?

Except... well, except that Xander had stood there, hidden in thell cll copse of trees and listened to Spike. And for the first time in what Xander was sure had been for, he, he'd felt a sort of connection. So yeah, he'd stepped out from his hiding place when Spike had finally passed out, and grabbed hold of the unconscious vamp.

Once inside he maneuvered Spike until he had him over his shoulder in a fireman's carry. Then he took Spike down the ladder and laid him gently on his bed, amazing himself with the care he was taking.

Hsiedsied himself around the crypt, cleaning up old bottles and dusty corners, wondering why he didn't just leave. When he heard stirring on the lower level, Xander grabbed a cup of blood from the fridge and headed downstairs.

"So, what the Hell did you think you were doing, fangless?" Xander asked as he handed over the blood.

"What the bloody fuck do you care, Harris? Why didn't you just leave me there?" Spike swallowed the blood in one large swig.

"Who'd take care of Dawnie? Who'd patrol with us?" Xander asked, not wanting to examine his own reasoning.

"You'd find someone else. I was never anybody's bloody champion."

Xander felt compelto mto move closer. To sit on the edge of Spike's bed and reach out a hand. He squeezed the vampire's shoulder, offering comfort, though he wasn't sure why. "We were all there, Spike."

Spike looked away, unable to answer.

"It wasn't your fault. You didn't fail."

"I loved her." The words were so quiet, Xander had to lean in embarrassingly close just to hear.

"I know." And he did. He hadn't believed before, but there was no denying the emotion in Spike's voice, his body. "We all did, Spike. Hell, if I'd thought I'd stood any chance you know I'd a been right there with you."

Spike turned back, blue eyes meeting brown. He nodded.

And there was that cctioction again. Xander's hand was still on Spike's shoulder. He knew it. He felt it. He couldn't move it.

Spike's eyes were wide and searching. They explored him. Xander felt almost as if Spike could see right through him. They examined his eyes, his face, and his body before traveling down the length of his arm to the hand that still rested on the vae'se's shoulder.

When Spike looked up again, his scarred brow was raised in question.

Xander didn’t know what he was doing, hadn't known since the moment he started following Spike back to the crypt. But he found himself leaning forward, eyes half-lidded, until their lips met in a gentle kiss.

When Spike whimpered quietly, Xander grew bolder. Opening his mouth, he traced Spike's lower lip with his tongue. He plunged in the moment Spike opened enough to moan, Xander's tongue racing along Spike's gums, tasting him.

Spike felt himself falling. Felt the warmth of Xander against him, his lips, his tongue, and his body. He curled into the touch, wanting to steep himself in the boy's heat, the chill of the past month finally withdrawing.

Xander felt Spike's caresses, felt the vampire loosen his buttons, pull at his clothes. He was naked. Naked and hard, and in Spike's bed. They were still kissing; their mouths molded together as their hands explored each other's bodies. Spike tasted cool, like menthol. But somewhere mixed in was the taste of coppery liquid, and just a bit of bitter tang left over from the Jack.

Spike wanted to lose himself in Xands tos touch, in the feel and taste of the boy, the mortal. He forgot about Buffy, forgot about Dru, forgot about everyone and everything that had been plaguing him for centuries. Instead he concentrated on Xander. On the salty taste of his skin, the tiny traces of chocolate he found as he delved into that sweet mouth. The lovely whimper-moans he was able to pull from the boy's throat as he pinched and pulled at flesh.

"Ungh, Spike." The words were whispered on a panted breath. Now they were both naked, rubbing together, hot and cool flesh, both hard. Xander wrapped a hand around Spike's erection, pulling and massaging the pulsing skin. He ran a fingernail along one throbbing vein, revg ing in Spike's guttural groan. He could feel pearly drops of pre-cum escaping the head. Xander used them to moisten the shaeaseease his strokes.

Spike's eyes were closed. The sensations were overwhelming him. A body, writhing against him, wanting him. His own hands cupped Xander's arse cheeks, massaging the twin globes. He pressed a finger along the crack, lightly touching, feeling for Xander's twitching hole. When he found it, he sucked in Xander's gasp with a kiss. He played around the tight ring, kissing Xander the whole while. Pressing in just the tip of a finger, he groaned at the feel of it.

"Gotta have you, Xan. Will you give yourself to me?" Spike asked, practically begging. His finger still pressing gently against the constricted ong. ng.

"Yes," Xander hissed between clenched teeth.

Spike used all his vampire strength and speed to get Xander turned on his stomach, arse in the air. Moving forward he pressed his mouth to Xander\penipening, lightly touching him with just the tip of his tongue.

Xander moaned incoherent words of approval.

Spike pressed in as far as he could go. Tongue licking at Xander's walls, pressing in and out, in and out, stretching the boy and wetting him down.

Xanwas was squirming, pressing back and begging. He'd never felt any sensations like this before, and all he could think was that he wanted more.

Then Spike was pulling away, one hand still caressing Xander's arse gently. Xander groaned his disappointment, but was soon sighing with pleasure when Spike used slicked fingers to enter him. The feelings burned through him, making Xander cry out and his dick pulse dangerously close to fulfillment.

For one strange moment Xander lost himself. Spike was dropping tiny kisses all up and down his spine, fingers caressing him inside and out, and Xander couldn't remember a thing. His name. The date. The place. Nothing. All he could do was feel. tin tiny shivers of excitement that came with whatever spot his lover was touching. The agony of staving off the climax that threatened to make his whole body explode into a million pieces. The wave of emotion that swamped every fiber of his being.

And then Spike was inside him.

"Oh, fuck, you're tight." Spike spoke without even meaning to. Slick heat surrounded him, the tight suction drawing at his cock every time he pulled himself out, only to thrust back in roughly. He plowed into the boy, using him to feel, to want...to live. The deadness inside abating with every slap of skin on skin.

Xander moaned, taking it all in. Taking Spike's cock, letting the vampire fuck him raw. His hand came up to fist his own hard flesh, stroking madly. He felt his balls draw up, his erection throb, and then he was shooting hot cum all over the sheets. He felt his ass muscles contract around Spike's member; heard the rumbling growl escape the vampire as his own cock expanded then spurted insidehim.him.

They collapsed onto the bed, side by side, neither holding the other. The silence grew around them as Xander's breathing eased. Then one quietly muffled sob escaped the creature next to him, and Xander found himself wrapped around a shaking vampire.

"I loved her." The words were quietly repeated over and over.

"I know." Xander's only reply followed, until they were both too exhausted to do more than close their eyes and fallo obo oblivion.