Cry If I Want To

Title: Cry If I Want To…….

Author: PokerKitten

Rating: R

Summary: Season 6, and Spike has just discovered he can hit Buffy without his headlodiloding in agony….. now he is off on pro prowl, looking for supper.

An implausible birthday present for a friend!

Written: January 2003

Disclaimers: All hail Joss Whedon and ME. I’m only messin’.

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Cry If I Want To

Downtown Sunnydale, same as ever. People milling about, even though it was quite late……. And pretty dark. They never seemed to learn, did they? Spike strode out onto the main street from a grimy, garbage cluttered alley and looked around, drinking in the scene. His smile was slow, smug, but not quite satisified.

“Look at all the goodies” he murmured to himself. Yeah, just look! And feel! And smell! It had been quite some time since he had allowed himself this luxury, had let the predator in him come out to play. Well, no point a bloke getting all juiced up, all ready to go, and then not being able tliveliver the goods! It only served as a humiliating reminder….. But things were going to be different from now on!

His gaze continued to travel up and down the street, spoilt for choice. But then something, someone caught his attention. A petite blonde woman standing on the corner, all alone….... but evidently waiting fomeoomeone. Glancing at her watch, anxiously looking around, shivering a little. Well, he wasn’t surprised about that! Bare arms, flimsy top. She’d catch her death! Spike smirked.

Seemed like she wasn’t prepared to wait much longer. After another fruitless scan of the street, the woman sighed resignedly and turned to leave, hugging herself and rubbing her naked arms. Petite, blonde…..NO! Not one bit like the Slayer. Not one jot like the girl who used him and abused him and constantly denied her feelings for him…... Growling softly, Spike moved to follow her.

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Should have trto fto find a cab, really shouldn’t be hurrying down a dank, deserted alley close on midnight. Some birthday this had turned out to be! The woman hugged herself a little tighter, kept her head down, looked decidedly nervous. Should have just left it at drinks after work, or maybe invited some of the gang back to her place for Chinese food after they had spilled out of the bar earlier. Chinese, and chocolate..… she had a sudden yen for chocolate..….. comfort food. Instead of agreeing to meet a couple of the girls at this hour to go on to a club. It really wasn’t her scene anyway.

Suddenly she sensed something….. or maybe it was just the wind rattling the wire fencing further down the alley. No, there had been no sound, not so much as a whisper….. She slowed her pace, raised her head a little, glanced anxiously over her shoulder. Nothing! Leg oug out a small sigh of relief, and mentally berating herself for being such a scaredy-cat, she turned back and prepared to move on more confidently……. and almost ran straight into the black-clad figure now standing in front of hehe she screamed, high and piercing.

“That's right, you should scream.”

Ohgodohgodohgodohgod….. brain numb, refusing to function rationally, she only had her instincts to rely on. She tried not to look up at tan, an, tried not to hear what he was saying. Had to get away! As she tried sidesteppiim, im, he effortlessly moved to intercept her. Good and scared now! Heart thumping, temples pounding, mouth dry. Ohgodohgodohgodohgod.….. He was speaking again…..

“Creature of the night here, yeah?” He seemed to feel it necessary to point this out. “Some people forget that” he continued, a little bitterly, advancing on the woman but not really seeing her.

Creature of the night? She took a hesitant step back, then another, and another, shaking her head, a ringing in her ears. Gasping as her back grazed up against the alley wall.

“Please.….” she moaned.

But her would-be assailant seemed almost to be oblivious to her presence, so caught up in his own thoughts was he. “She thinks I'm housebroken. She forgot who she's dealing with.”

Not understanding, not knowing what to do to save herself, the frightened woman blurted out “Anything you want, please..….”

This could be seen as offering herself up on a platter, she thought suddenly, common sense struggling to fight its way through her panic. But he was ranting again, pacing around in front of her. Not listening to her at all. Cautiously, she raised her head a little, opened her eyes a little wider, tried to steady her breathing. She had clients who….. well, who said some very strange things. She handled them okay, didn’t she?

“Just 'cause she's confuabouabout where she fits in, I'm supposed to be too? 'Cause I'm not.” He appeared to be trying to convince himself of that. “I know what I am. I'm dangerous. I'm evil.”

“I……I'm sure you're not evil” the woman ventured, looking him full in the face for the first time. Her eyes widened in shock. That face! That beautiful face!

“Yes, I am. I am a killer!” He moved in closer to her, glanced at her face.

And that voice! She recognised that voice!

“That's what I do. I kill. And, yeah, maybe it's been a long time, but …... it's not like you forget how!” He was very close to her now, could feel her hot, rapid breath on his cool skin. He paused, examined her more carefully.

“Sandie?!”

“Spike?!”

They spoke together, incredulous, stunned.

“Well..… this is…..” Embarrassing is what it was! Bloody hell! “What do you think you’re doing, out, on your own, this late!” he blustered, face very close to hers now.

She swallowed with some difficulty, let out a long, slow breath. “It’s my birthday” she whispered, and then giggled, still nervous.

Spike’s expression softened. “Your birthday? You were stood up on your birthday?”

“Not ‘stood up’ exactly….. But it isn’t really going to plan….”

“Look, I’m sorry about..….” he waved his hand in the air, a little vaguely. “If I’d known…....”

He was still very close, mere inches from her.…. close enough for his scent to assail her. Cigarettes, leather, earth. A heady, sexy mix. She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes instinctively, oblivious to the hard stone wall scratching at her back as she pressed herself against it. It had been months since she had last seen him, but he still could make her feel…... inappropriate feelings...…

A small smile played on his lips as the woman lost herself for a moment. Ah yes, Sandie! He remembered those hands, shaking a little now as they hung by her side. Calming, soothing hands, making him forget, if only for a short while….. after Buffy..… died. Before she came back and plunged him into this fresh hell! He shook his head to clear it and slowly reached out. Delicately tracing his thumb along the woman’s jawline, he was gratified by her body’s immediate response, the fluttering of her eyelids, the hitch in her breathing. And glancing down, he noted and savoured the hardening of her nipples and the firm outline of her breasts through the flimsy midnight blue blouse. She must be cold..… and hot! He smirked.

No chit ogirlgirl, this. A mature woman. An attractive, talented woman on whom he had never so much as considered laying his hands before now….. that had been HER job, afterall. When he was at his lowest ebb, grief and guilt washing over him in turns…... a friend of a friend of an aunt of a..… well, whatever! Someone he had discovered through Clem at any rate, although his loose-skinned poker pal had been at pains to point out that he had never had need of her services himself. Just this friend of a friend of an aunt…….

Spike would have been mortified if any of the Scoobies had ever found out about it. And surely she HAD to know what some of her clients were…….

He narrowed his eyes. Maybe he shouldn’t bite her then. Maybe he should go off and pick out another victim. He let his hand slip down to her neck and felt the pulse, strong and fast against his palm. “Sandie love” his voice was low. “You should go home. Have a birthday drink.”

Her eyes flickered open. “I don’t think I want to” she replied. “There’s no-one to go home to…. not tonight….”

“No?” His other hand strayed to her arm, fingers slowly sliding up and down her flesh, goosebumps breaking out on her skin at his touch. “But it’s not safe out here….. with me.”

He bent down and nuzzled at her neck, tongue and teeth delicately lapping and nipping their way up to her lobe as her fragile body moved up against him. “This is your last chance pet” he mouthed into her ear as he felt her heart bumping against his chest. “Don’t want you to do something you may regret.”

“No regrets” she managed to breathe. “I know what I want…..”

“So do I” Spike replied with a hint of smugness, drawing the scent of her arousal into his nostrils, relishing it. “You want me?” He pushed her back more firmly against the wall, holding her there with his body, his hands now by his sides. “You want me?” he asked again, more urgently now.

Oh my! She knew he was strong, subtly but powerfully muscled, but she’d really had no idea…. Oh! Sandie could feel his body stirring against her, his erection shifting and straining against his denim. I can’t believe I’m doing this, she thought to herself, as his hands moved to her skirt and began to slowly slide the fabric up her thighs. “Yes, I want you!”

Fear and desire are often two sides of the same coin, of course…..

“And I’m not just a thing?!” He spat out the last word, fingers reaching her panties and finding them pleasingly damp. One hand slipped between her thighs, cupped her sex, applied an insistent pressure, as he scrutinised her face. Waiting for an answer.

“No” she gasped, confused by his question, by his vehemence, but her body thrumming to his touch. “God no…… oh god, YES!” she half-screamed as his fingers suddenly tore away her panties and pushed their way between her hot, slick lips.

He laughed softly as her hands flew out and tightly grasped onto the lapels of his duster, steadying herself as her shapely legs trembled. His lips, full and hard, covered her mound snd stifled her moans as he forced his fingers inside of her. And out again. In and out, pace increasing, making her push and squirm against him. No-one compared to the Slayer, but at least this one appreciated him, he thought bitterly. Time for some pleasure of his own! “Hold on baby, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride!”

Whimpering at the sudden withdrawal of his hand from her sex, Sandie’s eyes grew wide as she heard his zipper come down. Even wider as he abruptly hoisted her up until her throbbing clit and lips were rubbing against his cool, hard cock. and he was pushing her more fiercely still against the wall. Instinctively her legs wrapped around his hips, fingers tangling in his bleached hair as one head buried itself between her breasts, the other buried itself between her thighs. And then his entire length was thrust inside her, stretching her, filling her, pumping into her, and all she could do was cling to him, breath coming in sharp, shallow rasps.

His hands otherwise occupied, he contented himself with sucking and biting at her sweet little breasts through her thin silky top. God, her nipples were hard! And long! All the better to nibble upon! And the memory of her leaning over his naked back, gently but firmly kneading his flesh, breasts aentaentally grazing his shoulder blade, made him even harder inside of her. He could have had her then, months ago, he realised, if he hadn’t been so distracted. Lost. In mourning…….

She was dimly aware of his hands under her buttocks, holding her tightly against him as he thrust; and of one finger straying between her cheeks, probing at the tight little ring of her anus. But as it pushed and penetrated she was distracted by his guttural grunts, and her own intense feelings pulsing deep and relentless inside of her. She jerked in his grasp as her first spasms hit and he threw up his head to watch her. Caught on the wave of her orgasm, her scream was as much for for the changes she saw now in his features as it was for her physical release, and the feel of her own body tightening around his cock as it throbbed to its own coming. Those penetrating blue eyes, now flecked with yellow. His brow furrowing, distorting.

As he juddered inside of her, as his movements slowed, his head sank to her shoulder, and she prayed she was mistaken. But when he pulled himself out of her, lowered her to the ground and towered over her, forcing his still excited cock back inside his jeans, she could see more clearly. He was different, very different.

“Yes, I am” he seemed to be muttering to himself. “I am a killer!”

Her body still tingling, her thighs damp, her breasts bruised, Sandie suddenly felt very vulnerable again. And desperately confused.

“That's what I do. I kill.” He half turned away, still mumbling. “…... it's not like you forget how!”

Oh god, he had said this before, just before…….

“You just ….... do it. And now I can, again, all right? So here goes.”

He turned back to her, face entirely changed now, distorted. Sandie screamed out her disbelief and betrayal.

“This might hurt a little” was all he replied, bending over her, lunging for the throbbing artery in her neck.

She could see her death quite clearly in that moment, painful, and yet perversely pleasurable…... Knew that she had secretly yearned for this……. And realised that part of her had always known what he was…...

But then he was flinghimshimself back, yelling in pain, crashing into a dumpster, dazed and confused.

Sandie wasn’t so much of a fool; fantasy and dark dreams are one thing…... She scrambled to her feet and ran off, the feel of his sticky fluid slipping down her thighs bringing an hysterical sob to her throat. And, inexplicably, an old sixties song to her head. “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to, cry if I want to..….”

As the clack of her heels echoed down the alley, Spike still crouched, shaken and panting, clutching at the dumpster to steady himself.

“What the hell is going on?” he groaned.

You would cry too if it happened to you …..

END