I Never

Thanks to ladyanne, ladycat777, and Black Dahlia for the betas.

Xander glanced at the clock on the wall as he walked in the door. 9:35 pm, he was right on time. He sat on the barstool, jerked his head up once, “The usual, Sam.”

“Still not funny,” the bartender replied as she poured a double shot of JD on the rocks.

“Come on, you know you love Cheers references.” He quickly drank the double, slammed glasglass down on the spotless bar. Instantly “Sam” slid an ice cold New Castle into his waiting hand.

“Maybe if you called me Carla,” she shrugged, falling into their nightly banter.

“Carla wasn’t as cute as you, sweetheart. Sam on the other hand…”

“Sam-on-the-other-hand was a man, you dork.” She tossed the bar rag over one shoulder and leaned her elbows on the polished wood. “Just once, just one time I want to hear you say my name. Come on, it’s not hard. Rachel. Ray-chel. R-A-C-H-E-L.”

Xander shook his head automatically. “You know I don’t do names, doll.” He drained his first beer and then took a slow, savoring swallow of beer number two. Two shots and two beers were all he allowed himself anymore. Except for when it was bad; on those nights, he went to a place further into Cleveland, one that reminded him of Willy’s.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Add it to your tab?” Rachel asked as she headed towards another customer.

“I’ll up Fup Friday.” Xander grabbed a handful of pretzels and drifted off into his own little world. Today had been a good day. They’d finished the framing on the Hellmouth “Motherhouse” of the Council. The roofers and drywallers had arrived right on schedule. Once the roof was on, nothing would be able to stop him from meeting his deadline.

October 1, the Motherhouse would be invaded with Watchers and Slayers, and he would be moving to England to oversee the construction of the Motherhouse there. When that structure was completed, he was sure he’d be sent to some other location to build yet another dwelling for Watchers, Slayers, and all they needed to keep wor world safe. Xander ate another pretzel and fantasized about someplace exotic and warm; Jamaica, Hawaii, Fuji, Tahiti.

“This seat taken,” a man asked.

Xander shook his head, took a swallow of beer and decided that Jamaica would be a perfect place for a Motherhouse. That’s where Kendra was from, there must be a need for Slayers in the Caribbean or she wouldn’t have been born there. He nodded, definitely wanted to Winter in Jamaica instead of England. Since he had an in with the Head Watcher, maybe he could persuade the building schedule to his favor.

“Not even a hello for an old friend?”

Xander shook himself out of his reverie and turned towards the man seated on his blind side. Surprise overcame him for just a second before he grinned broadly and extended his hand. “Well, well, well, never thought I’d run into you here.”

Riley Finn grabbed Xander’s outstretched hand, held it almost too long and too tightly before he shook it firmly. “Likewise.”

“Buy you a beer?” Xander offered and nodded for Rachel.

“That’d be great.” Riley gestured to Xander’s beer. “I’ll have what he’s having.” Within seconds he held a beer in his hand. “So,” he motioned vaguely with one hand and tried not to stare at the eyepatch, “what brings you to Cleveland?”

“Could ask you the same question.” He’d liked Riley, admired him even, hell at times even wanted to be him, but he didn’t trust Riley’s job. Never had, never would.

“Got assigned here.” Riley smiled affably.

“What? The military has a base in Cleveland?” Xander shook his head in disbelief. “Hey, you aren’t part of the Initiative Take Two are you? ‘Cause the first one worked out so well.”

Another easy grin, and Riley squeezed Xander’s arm. “No, nothing like that. They’re worried that whatever made the Sunnydale Hellmouth collapse will happen here, so they’ve sent a small group of us familiar with Hellmouths to monitor the activities.”

“So, would you be out of a job if I told there was no way in hell what happened in Sunnydale could happen here, or anywhere else on earth for that matter?” He might not be a Slayer, but Xander’s spidey-sense was tingling.

“Afraid not.” Riley took a swig of his beer. “Look, we’re not doing anything nefarious. We investigate crime scenes that might be paranormal. Severe neck trauma, missing corpses. You know the drill.”

“And? That can’t be all,” Xander drained his beer, leaned back on the stool and crossed his arms over his chest.

Riley shrugged. “We try to take out the Sub-T if we determine there is one. We also keep up a log of HST species in the area. We’re not building a new Frankenstein, Xander, honest. There’s only six of us here.” He paused uncomfortably and in a gesture of peacemaking offered, “Let me buy you another beer.”

Xander started to refuse then decided, why not? It was Saturday after all; he didn’t have to work the next day. Why not get drunk with an old friend? “Thanks.”

They engaged in small talk as they drank their beer, bitg abg about the weather, the traffic, the ever-increasing price of gas. As Xander drained his third beer, he was feeling relaxed and realized with a jolt of surprise he was enjoying himself. Which immediately brought the grief swimming back up to the surface. He permitted himself to smile and exchange pleasantries with people. But having fun was not on the list of what he was allowed to do.

Riley noticed Xander’s sudden mood-swing and wondered if it was something he’d said. “Hey man, you wanna get out of here? I live around the corner, got some booze and stuff back at my place. We can get shit-faced and you won’t have to worry about driving.”

“Sure.” Xander counted out a tip for Rachel, and abruptly stood. He didn’t know why he’d agreed, other than not having to drive home and being alone again sounded good.

They walked in silence to Riley’s, each lost in their own thoughts. When they arrived Xander noted it wasn’t much different from Riley’s old place. They settled in, Riley grabbed them each a beer, turned on MTV2, and sat down on the couch with Xander.

“So…” “So…”

They both laughed uncomfortably.

“What happened to your eye?” “Where’s Sam?”

This time they were both uncomfortably silent. Their eyes shifted away from each and they drank deeply from their bottles.

“Guy named Caleb shoved his thumb in it.” Xander broke the silence.

“Part of what happened to Sunnydale?” Riley asked, glad to be out of the spotlight for a second.

Xander shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah. You could say that.”

Silence reigned for several more minutes, as both men finished their beers. Riley grabbed their empties and disappeared into the kitchen. Xander stared off into space and wondered what he was doing here. He had a schedule and rules. Things he did, things he didn’t do. Hanging out having a good time was on the list of things he didn’t do. Of course, now he wasn’t having a good time, so he figured it was alright to be there. Nothing like mbermbering Caleb and all that had happened to take the good time out of hanging out.

Riley returned with a trash can in one hand and a cooler full of beer in the other. He sat down, put the cooler between their feet, pulled a full fifth of Jack Daniels and two shot glasses out of the trash can, then set the trash can on the other side of the coffee table. He poured himself a shot, drank it fast and cracked open a beer.

He sat back on the couch, took a swig of beer. “We went to Nepal after we left Sunnydale. Neither of us had been there, and it sounded like a great assignment. I mean the Himalayans, how many people get to go there? We were supposed to hike the ranges, record any Sub-T’s we came across, take out the ones that posed a threat to humans. Typical assignment, nothing different from what we’d done before. It was me, Sam, and a whole squadron of soldiers. Nepal is beautiful, man. The mountains go on forever, you couldn’t begin to imagine it.”

Riley glanced at Xander, who smiled encouragingly at him as he poured himself a shot. “We’d been there for six months when it happened. Pour me one of those?” As Xander handed him the shot Riley took a deep breath to steady himself. “We were on Dhaulagiri; had camp set up while we waited out a blizzard. We were attacked. Don’t know what they were, I’m sure Giles could find them in his books if he tried. They looked like the fucking Abominable Snowman. Eight of us survived. Sam didn’t make it.” Riley punctuated the sentence by downing the shot.

“Jesus man. I don’t know what to say.” Xander put a hand on Riley’s thigh and squeezed it supportively.

“Nothing you can say. Got airlifted out after the blizzard, had funerals without bodies, went a little nuts, got re-assigned here.” Riley squeezed Xander’s hand and both men reached for their beers. “It’s ok. I’m… dealing.”

They sat in silence for a while watching videos. Xander was more than a little tipsy at this point, but not quite drunk. He tossed his empty into the trash and grabbed a fresh beer. As he unscrewed the top he figured what the hell, might as well share the misery.

They drank steadily as he told Riley everything that had happened since he left Sunnydale. The wedding that wasn’t, the attempted rape, Tara’s death, Willow going nuts, Spike’s soul, the Potentials, the destruction of the Council, Faith coming back. It was when he reached his being trussed up and bled on the Seal on Danzalthar that he realized Riley had a hand on his thigh. By the time he reached Caleb taking out his eye, and Spike subsequently saving his life, he realized he had a hand on Riley’s thigh too, they were out of beer and he was as drunk as he could ever remember being.

“Buffy, Faith, and some others are out finding Slayers and explaining things, Willow and Dawn are in England helping salvage what’s left. Giles is neck deep in Watcher politics. Andrew’s training to be a Watcher, Vi and Kennedy are on this Hellmouth, and I’m building Watcher Motherhouses. When I finish this one, I’m moving on to the next.” He passed the JD back to Riley.

“I can’t believe the reason we’re all still here is Spike.” He took a swallow and handed the bottle back to Xander.

“Believe it. The fucker died a hero.” Xander turned the bottle up, but only a couple of drops of the amber liquid hit his tongue. He started laughing hollowly. “Looks like we’re out of the good stuff.”

Riley tossed the empty bottle into the trash can, then stood up and teetered drunkenly before he gained his balance. Offering a hand to Xander he pulled him to his feet. “Nah, we’re out of the liquid good stuff, come on.”

Riley led Xander down a short hallway to his bedroom. He flipped on the overhead light, rummaged around for a lighter and lit several fat pillar candles around the room, and a stick of incense already in the burner. Xander belly-flopped onto Riley’s queen-sized bed, rolled over onto his back and watched as he turned on the stereo, and selected a wooden box off the dresser. Riley switched the overhead light ond snd sat down Indian style next to Xander.

“Whachya got there Soldier Boy?” Xander slurred. He stuck both hands behind his head and watched with drunken bemusement as Riley pulled out a bag of weed and a pack of rolling papers.

“The not-liquid good stuff. You smoke?” Riley inquired as he expertly rolled a joint.

Xander shot an eyebrow up at Riley’s obvious skill. “I do. Haven’t in years, but I’ve had my share of the whacky-weed.”

Riley set his supplies on the night stand, lit the joint and lay down next to Xander before he took a big hit and passed it on. He lay perfectly still holding the smoke in, when Xander began to cough. Riley reached for the water on his nightstand and realized, belatedly, he’d forgot that part of his nightly ritual. “Be right back with some water.”

Xander sat up and coughed until he thought his lungs were going to fall into his lap. He greedily reached for the glass Riley handed him and drank deeply. The cold water immediately stopped his coughing fit. “Thanks man.” Xander offered the joint back to Riley and drank some more water. “Sorry, it’s been a while.”

“You don’t get off, unless you cough,” Riley responded, holding the smoke in his lungs as he passed the joint back, immediately launching into his own coughing fit as if to prove a point.

The weed was adding a nice effect to all the booze he’d drank and Xander grinned the grin of the superbly fucked-up. “You sound like a stoner Ri. Never would have figured you for that.”

Riley grinned devilishly and winked at Xander as he took another hit. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Alexander Harris.” Holding the smoke in he asked, “Wanna shotgun?”

Xander arched an eyebrow and nodded solemnly while he sat up on his knees. “Don’t get mad if I puke up my lungs on your face.” Riley put the lit end of the joint in his mouth, closed his lips around it, and blew out experimentally, when he saw the smoke coming out in a steady stream; he put a large hand on either side of Xander’s face and leaned until he was a centimeter from Xander’s mouth. He exhaled forcefully while Xander inhaled. When Xander drew back abruptly, Riley took the joint out of his mouth and took another hit.

Xander managed to hold the smoke in for five whole seconds before he erupted in another coughing fit. He grabbed for his water and drank between coughs. Riley offered the joint to him again and Xander turned it down with a head shake and a croak of “not yet.” Riley shrugged and finished the joint, leaving enough for a roach if Xander got back in the mood. He lay down on his side, head propped up on one hand and watched Xander drink water and cough until he lay down beside him and mimicked the pose.

“Jesus,” Xander said with another cough. “I haven’t been this fucked up since we blew up the high school.”

Riley traced a finger down Xander’s nose. “I haven’t been this fucked up since last Saturday. The difference is, I’m not by myself tonight.” For reasons known only to stoned-drunks, that set the two of them off into a fit of giggles. When the fit passed Xander realized they were laying only inches from each other. He wanted to touch Riley, but didn’t know what would be the best approach. With his mind still on high school, Xander had one of his better ideas. “Hey, you wanna play a game?”

“A game?” Riley asked. “Don’t think I can manage to move right now.”

“The only moving you’ll have to do is to pack a bowl or a bong,” Xander challenged as he poked Riley in the chest. “Well, that and we’ll both have to sit up.” Riley poked Xander back, which naturally led to a poking contest and they both got the giggles until they were out of breath.

“Ok, just let me get my breath and we’ll play your game.” Riley rolled over and grabbed his box.

“You need some more water? ‘Cause I do if we’re gonna do this.” Xander staggered to his feet.

“Might as well.” Riley handed the nearly-empty glass to Xander and began the suddenly difficult task of packing the bowl.

Within minutes they were both sitting Indian-style facing each other on the bed, with a large glass of ice water between their legs. “So, Xand-man what are we gonna play?” Riley thumped Xander on the knee.

“We’re,” Xander thumped Riley back. “Gonna play “I Never,” ya know how?”

Riley grinned his All-American grin, “Yeah, I think I can manage, you start.”

Xander took the bowl from Riley and thought for a second. Did he want to go ahead and get supremely stoned, play innocent, or set the mood he was aiming for? He decided for supremely stoned. He might get stoned enough that he’d forget his ultimate goal, and honestly, that might be for the best. “I never staked a vampire.” Xander took a hit, hanthe the bowl to Riley and watched him do the same.

Riley stared at the bowl in his hands, fidgeted with it as he tried to decipher what was going on. If he didn’t know better, he’d say that he and Xander Harris had been engaging in mildly flirtatious acts through out the night and Xander was currently trying to get him fucked up enough to have sex. Which truthfully, didn’t surprise him about Xander. What surprised him was that Xander was coming on to him. Not that he hadn’t been mildly coming on to Xander all night. The little touches here, the meaningful glances there. Well, two could play at this game. Riley decided to just get real fucked up and see what happened. “I never met Dracula.” He took a hit and passed it to Xander who immediately did the same.

“I was never Dracula’s butt-monkey.” He took a hit and handed the bowl to Riley, who stared at it a second andd, “d, “I never let vampires bite me for fun.” He took his hit and handed the bowl back to Xander.

Xander’s eye twinkled brightly and, although he still felt the grief, it didn’t punch him in the gut for a change. “I never played dress up with my girlfriend.” He smoked enough that time to start another coughing fit. He drank his water while he watched a fleeting smile cross Riley’s face before he took a drag off the bowl. Riley made a hacking noise, drank some water, said, “cashed,” placed the empty bowl on the table; then proceeded to roll another joint.

Riley knew it was time to up the stakes in the game if they were going to get anywhere before they both passed out. His normally agile brain couldn’t come up with any subtle hints so he finally blurted out, “I never kissed a guy.” And took a big hit before he passed the joint back to Xander.

Xander met Riley’s eyes and took his own hit. His head was starting to get really light and he couldn’t feel his feet, which prompted him to smoke some more. “I never jerked another guy off.” He had the joint to his lips before he finished his sentence.

“I’ll take a shot gun on that one.” Riley responded.

“Sorry man, don’t know how--I’d probably burn my tongue, but I’ll take a shot gun on the next one.” Sheepishly Xander handed the joint back to Riley, and not so subtlety slid closer to Riley.

“Sure you’ve done it?” Riley asked and moved in as well.

“Oh yeah.”

“I’ve never fucked a guy.” Riley took his hit, reversed the joint and then blew the smoke into Xander’s already pursed lips.

When they’d both exhaled and drunk water Xander took the joint from Riley, looked him in the eye and said, “I never wanted to fuck you.”

Riley’s grin grew wide as his dick went from soft to hard in 0.6 seconds. He grabbed the joint, hit it and tossed it in the ashtray. “Is it rule breaking if I ask you who and how many?” Riley lay back down on his side and propped his head up on his hand.

Xander mimicked his pose a couple inches away from him. “Only if it’s rule breaking if I ask you the same, and you have to go first.”

“Never mind then,” Riley said as he closed the final distance between them and roughly captured Xander’s lips with his own. He brought his free hand to Xander’s face as he ruthlessly used his tongue on him.

Xander pulled away with a gasp, stared into Riley’s eyes for a minute before he rolled on top of him and kissed him savagely. They thrust their hips against each other, while hands worked feverishly at buttons, belts, and zippers. Riley rolled them until he was on top and licked his way down Xander’s throat, chest, and belly. “Get naked. Now,” he commanded as he finished removing his own clothes.

Four boots hit the floor followed by three shirts, two pair of boxers, two pair of pants, and one belt. Finally naked, they lay side by side kissing and exploring each other’s bodies with their hands. Xander fisted Riley’s cock while he traced the vampire scar on his neck with his tongue. Riley threw his head back and groaned. His hands weren’t still, either, tracing Xander’s nipples.

“Want to fuck you Riley Finn. Want to fuck you right now.” Xander’s eye was flashing dangerously in the candle lit room. “You got anything?”

Riley moaned loudly before he answered breathlessly, “I th-think so, let me check.”

Riley rolled over on his stomach to reach his night stand drawer. Xander took the opportunity to spread Riley’s cheeks apart. The rosy-pucker seemed to wink at him, he couldn’t resist the invitation and bent to kiss it.
He felt Riley shiver and fumble for the package of condoms, finally tossing them on the bed. Xander snatched them up, while he put his tongue into play.

“Jesus Christ!” Riley yelled, back bowing. Finally he found the lube. “Don’t want to stop you or anything,” he hissed loudly, “but here.” He handed the bottle back to Xander, who responded by flipping Riley onto his back and grabbing the lube.

Abruptly Xander took Riley’s cock into his mouth. Riley was smaller than him, shorter and not nearly as thick. Anya’d always said he was hung like a horse, and between her thousand years of experience and his own experience with men, he knew it to be true. He’d only ever been with one guy bigger than him, and now was not the time to be thinking about that. While he sucked, licked, and nibbled on Riley’s cock he slid one lube coated finger inside him. Slowly he moved his finger in and out, until the muscles surrounding it grew loose enough to add another.

Xander sucked cock better than a $500 whore, Riley could state with unequivocal knowledge. He fucked himself back on Xander’s fingers while he thrust his cock down Xander’s throat. He cried out and froze when Xander scissored three fingers inside him, while tapping that amazing bundle of nerves. It burned in the best possible way. When the burning cooled to a flame he fucked Xander’s mouth again, twisting his hips, trying to get the fingers deeper inside.

Xander removed his fingers and fumbled with the condom for what felt like an eternity to both of them. It wouldn’t have taken as long if he’d quit sucking Riley’s cock, but that wasn’t an option for either of them at the moment. When the condom was on and generously lubed, Xander released Riley’s cock with an audible “pop” and sat back on his haunches. “Knees and elbows, Agent Finn.”

Stoned out of his mind and drunk on booze and lust Riley complied without hesitation. Xander squeezed one buttock and slapped the other cruelly while he slid inch by inch into Riley’s tight ass. When he was buried as far as he could go, he pulled back slightly and slammed back in. His addled mind approved when Riley thrust back on him, he pulled back farther and slammed back in again, twisting his hips before they met Riley’s ass. Xander repeated the process until he was pulling almost completely out before pistoning back in as hard as he could.

Riley thrust back every time, alternately moaning on the withdrawal and grunting on the return. Xander was huge, bigger than any man he’d ever had inside him, and he felt amazing. He grabbed the head board with both hands and gasped into the mattress as Xander began to pick up speed.

Xander placed one hand on the small of Riley’s back and pushed down until he had the perfect angle to hit his prostrate on every stroke. With the other hand he held onto one hip and squeezed tight enough to leave bruises for days while he fucked Riley as hard and as fast as he could. His hips pistoned back and forth drawing a figure eight in the process while a stream of babble erupted from Riley.

“Jesus fucking Christ. Harder, come on fuck me harder, I can take it. Yeah, yeah, right there oooohhhh YEAH. That’s it Xander, fuck me.”

“You like that Agent Finn? You like getting fucked up the ass?”

“Fuck yeah!” Riley practically screamed.

“You want me to fuck you harder? Slower? Faster? Softer? Tell me, how do you want it?” Xander slowed his pace but didn’t let up on the force of his thrusts.

“Hard. Jesus Christ Xander you’re good at this. Hard and fast. Make it hurt.”

Xander sped up incrementally, “You sure you want it to hurt Agent Finn? I’ve got an awful big dick you know.”

“Yeah, kind of noticed that. Come on, fuck me. Make it hurt.”

Xander slapped Riley on the ass three times in quick succession. “If you say so.” Grabbing both hips Xander plowed into Riley. When Xander was so close to coming he didn’t think he’d last even a minute longer, he reached around to help Riley out. At the first touch of his hand on Riley’s cock, his back bowed, he threw his back and screamed out, “Fuck yeah!” as he came. Xander followed immediately after and collapsed on Riley’s back.

They lay there panting for several minutes before Xander pulled out and headed to the bathroom to deal with the condom. When he returned Riley handed him the bowl and grinned sheepishly.

Xander took a hit and decided he could change his rules and his schedules for Riley. Riley’d lost the woman he loved too, so it was ok. “So same time next week? You bring the weed, I’ll bring the condoms and you can fuck me?”

Riley contemplated the question while he took another hit. “Sounds like a plan. Maybe you’ll even tell me where you learned to fuck like that.”

Xander drank a sip of water and arched an eyebrow at Riley. “I’ll never tell.”