It Needed Air

(Another vignette. This is an experiment to see if it is possible to write a coherant short story using only statements made by the characters. Might want to have some aspirin ready when you read this *L*.

Rated R for anyone with an overactive dirty imagination.

Disclaimer: These are Joss's characters, not mine. I do however own two rats now. Bet Joss can't claim that *EG*.

Feedback is, as always, welcome.)

"Oh. My. God."
"What, Xan?"
"Spike, what are you doing!"
"I thought you liked it."
"I do...but HERE?"
"Needed some air, it did."
"I can't believe this."
"What! It's stuffy in there!"
"They have health codes, moron. We can be kicked out, and wve haven't even been given a menu yet! Put that away."
"What if I don't want to?"
"Tough"
"Hello, gentlemen, can I take your...Oh. My. God. Is that..?"
"Yes, it is. It needed air."
"Spike!"
"It's huge! I've never seen one that big before."
"Diet and exercise, luv."
"Aw, how cute! It winked at me."
"Yeah...it likes ya."
"Spike!!"
"Yes, pet?"
"Are you done showing it off, because I'd like to order now."
"Oh, sorry sir. What can I get you?"
"S'okay...ah...Megan. Not your fault the guy's nuts. I'll have a cheeseburger with fries and a coffee."
"Wow, whelp. Striving for a stroke by twenty one, are ya?"
"Shut up, Spike."
"And you sir?"
"Coffee, luv."
"Okay, boys. Ahm...before I go...Spike?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I touch it? I've never held one before."
"Sure thing, pet. Knock yerself out."
"I can't believe he's doing this..."
"Stuff a bloody cork in it, boy. She asked all nicely and such. Go ahead. luv. Gentle like."
"So soft! I thought they'd be gross, you know?"
"Nope, used to play with me friend's as a kid. Kinda fell for 'em after that."
"Megan! What are you DOING! Dear God, they could shut this place down if the health inspectors saw you holding that in front of the customers. Get to the back now!"
"Yes ma'am. Sorry!"
"And as for you two, OUT! I don't ever want to catch either of you back here again, got it?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Sorry, mum."
*Ding*
*Door shuts*
"And the award for the dumbest way of getting kicked out of a diner goes to..."
"It's descrimination, that's what. Not like it was dirty or nothing. Bathed it this morning. Manager didn't have to get hysterical like that. Then again, Kre'bashla females are clean to the point of homicidal. Wasn't about to argue with her on her turf."
"Huh...that explains the extra thumbs. But, it's still a rat, Spike."
"You never complained about Sid before."
"Yeah, but that was when we could scare the girls with it."
"Until Buffy tried to stake it with her pencil."
"Yup."
"Should have known better then to put Sid in her purse."
"Yup."
*Slam.*
*Slam.*
*Keys jingling.*
*Engine reves.*
"I thought you named it Python, Spike."
"Now why would I have named a rat after what eats it, genius?"
"Dunno. Monty Python maybe? It's you, after all. Need I say more?
"True."
"So what's 'python'?"
*Zipper descends.*
*Engine dies.*
"Wow.
"Yup."
"..."
"..."
"Spike?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I touch it?"