Fresher
folder
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Het - Male/Female › Buffy/Xander
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
3,372
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Het - Male/Female › Buffy/Xander
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
3,372
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Fresher
"Your secret dies with me."
That's what Giles told him and he was true to his word. He never told the girls how Xander remembered everything.
And he does. Remember. Everything.
He remembers sniffing her hair (vanilla so pure) and cornering her in the school room.. Forcing his hand where it didn't belong and kissing her neck roughly. He remembers the power.
Worst of all, he remembers liking it. The scent of her fear, knowing that he was stronger than the strongest girl in the world. Imagining how she would look under him..
He shakes his head to clear it and sips more of his red wine. Not really looking to get drunk, he tells himself. Maybe just mute things for awhile, calm it all down. He knows this is why he is so angry at Spike. There's a word that his guidance counselor used to use about his dad and him. He's a little too drunk to remember that, but he knows it means he sees Spike as himself. Like his dad sees him.
He would have gone through with it, he knows. He thinks Spike would have, too. And, if he is drunk enough and you listen enough, he will tell you what he thinks happened the night Angelus left that picture of Buffy sleeping.
Buffy. So tiny. So strong. And he wonders if it is the demon inside or the man inside that wants to overpower her. Just once. Just to prove himself. He could ask Spike or Angel, but neither option seems particularly like a good idea. But still.. he wonders.
The man.. or the hyena?
The question then, would be if he would do it again now, being without the hyena in him (no matter how many times he's caught himself sniffing the air, no matter how mouth watering he's found raw meat on occasion.. no matter how his laugh comes out just a little strange sometimes) and he can't answer that.
The immediate response is no, never, I'm a good boy, I don't do that. So maybe he wouldn't fight her to the floor and pin her down. But does it matter if she has fallen asleep on the couch and he touches her lips just so? Her neck? Her breasts? (He still feels so guilty.)
He thinks, then, that he is no better than Spike or Angelus or those men on the news every night. He has technically made sexual advances on someone who has made it clear she didn't want that. He is no better. He is no good boy, no man.
He drinks some more.
He doesn't want to admit that the hyena is, and always will be in him. Like Oz's wolf. Inside him all the time.
But he can't admit that it is just the man that does these things, either.
That's what Giles told him and he was true to his word. He never told the girls how Xander remembered everything.
And he does. Remember. Everything.
He remembers sniffing her hair (vanilla so pure) and cornering her in the school room.. Forcing his hand where it didn't belong and kissing her neck roughly. He remembers the power.
Worst of all, he remembers liking it. The scent of her fear, knowing that he was stronger than the strongest girl in the world. Imagining how she would look under him..
He shakes his head to clear it and sips more of his red wine. Not really looking to get drunk, he tells himself. Maybe just mute things for awhile, calm it all down. He knows this is why he is so angry at Spike. There's a word that his guidance counselor used to use about his dad and him. He's a little too drunk to remember that, but he knows it means he sees Spike as himself. Like his dad sees him.
He would have gone through with it, he knows. He thinks Spike would have, too. And, if he is drunk enough and you listen enough, he will tell you what he thinks happened the night Angelus left that picture of Buffy sleeping.
Buffy. So tiny. So strong. And he wonders if it is the demon inside or the man inside that wants to overpower her. Just once. Just to prove himself. He could ask Spike or Angel, but neither option seems particularly like a good idea. But still.. he wonders.
The man.. or the hyena?
The question then, would be if he would do it again now, being without the hyena in him (no matter how many times he's caught himself sniffing the air, no matter how mouth watering he's found raw meat on occasion.. no matter how his laugh comes out just a little strange sometimes) and he can't answer that.
The immediate response is no, never, I'm a good boy, I don't do that. So maybe he wouldn't fight her to the floor and pin her down. But does it matter if she has fallen asleep on the couch and he touches her lips just so? Her neck? Her breasts? (He still feels so guilty.)
He thinks, then, that he is no better than Spike or Angelus or those men on the news every night. He has technically made sexual advances on someone who has made it clear she didn't want that. He is no better. He is no good boy, no man.
He drinks some more.
He doesn't want to admit that the hyena is, and always will be in him. Like Oz's wolf. Inside him all the time.
But he can't admit that it is just the man that does these things, either.