ONE NORMAL LIFE / TWO EXTRAORDINARY LIVES

CHAPTER 100 – NIGHTMARES BE DAMNED


A couple of mornings later, William sat in the living room reading a book, as Buffy finished up the breakfast dishes. She looked in on him now and then, making sure he was alright. He seemed to be more himself that morning, both his hand, and his disposition, being better.

He’d been strangely withdrawn for the past couple of days, gently rebuffing her advances, complaining of headaches, and his hand had strangely, still been bothering him, even though she hadn’t see any evidence of redness since the first evening.

She walked into the living room, "So, how would you like to do some more dng lng later?" she asked, hopefully.

He looked up at her, and shook his head, "I don't think I want to drive today, if you don't mind, Elizabeth."

"No, that's alright," she said, trying to hide her disappointment; not so much about the driving itself, but of his reluctance to pursue what he’d been so gung-ho to do at first. Even Clem had called a couple of times asking if William would like to work on the car or go out driving, but he'd refused him as well.

"So, what do you want to do then?"

He shrugged, "Actually, I think I'd rather enjoy just finishing some of these books today,” he said, motioning to the stack from the library, “plus I haven't written anything in quite a while. Used to spend a couple of hours a day at least doing some composing, some writing."

“Oh, then…composing? What? Music?”

He shook his head, “Just a fancy way of saying writing down my thoughts, and in some cases, composing poetry,” he cleared his throat, “not that it’s any good, mind you; just something I rather like to do.”

She flashed back on those poems he had left for her inside of the box that Clem had brought up to Julian, tucked into her boot, “You gave me some poems once, they were nice…they meant a lot to me.”

He looked at her surprised, “I did? And you…liked them? Really?”

She nodded, “Yes. Very much.”

He didn’t say anything, just stared at her, sort of a look of wonder on his face.

"Anyway,” she said, shaking herself out of her reverie, “If that’s what you’re going to do, then maybe I should get out of your hair then."

A host of different emotiolayelayed through his eyes in a matter of a second, “No, I don’t want…I mean, you don’t have to do that; leave that is, not because of me in any case. But if you have somewhere to be…then I’ll understand. Then you should go.”

She stood there wondering what to do, she had almost thought for a minute he wanted to somesomething to her, but the moment seemed to have passed. “I think I’ll go take a walk for now, get some air,” she said, hesitating, “you wanna come with? Just for a while? Might be nice to get some air…”

He shook his head, “No thank you, you go though.”

She quickly turned her head to hide her disappointment. She put on her shoes, grabbed a bottle of water, her iPod, and after telling William she was leaving, headed up the trail.

She walked fast, spurred on by the music in ear ears, but moreso, by the frustration she felt inside.

William had finished the last chapter of the book he’d been reading, then turned his attention to writing in his notebook. He hadn’t written much since they’d been back to Julian, and he had a lot of catching up to do. The hardest had been trying to capture on paper, the despair he’d felt the last few days. He might hide it from Elizabeth, but he couldn’t hide it from himself.

He got up and checked the clock; it had been a couple of hours since Elizabeth had left. He looked outside, and saw her car was still there. Maybe she’d gone over to Clem’s. As if on cue, he saw Clem drive up, he waved, disappointed that Elizabeth wasn’t with him.

“Hey William, want to go into town with me? I need to get a few things at the store and if you want, you can practice your driving.”

“Um, er, no thank you. Not today, I don’t feel up to it.”

Clem looked at him, shaking his head, “You know, whatever is bothering you, you shouldn’t let it interfere with your real life, with trying to make all this,” he said, pointing to the house and surrounding area, “work for you and Buffy. You deserve it, honestly, you do. So does she, after all she’s been through, after all you’ve been through.”

William was quiet, thinking about what Clem had said. He had so many questions he wanted answered, but he wasn’t sure if Clem would answer them, even if he could.

He cleared his throat, “Have you seen Elizabeth today?”

Clem shook his head, “Nope, thought she was here,” he answered, looking at her car.

“She went for a walk, but that was quite a while ago, so I thought she might have stopped by to talk to you.”

He shook his head again, “Nope, didn’t stop by. Why don’t you go hike up the trail and look for her? I was out on the one to my house a while ago and she wasn’t there, so she’s probably on that one,” he said pointing. It was the trail that had ‘their tree.’

He looked hesitant, “I don’t know. She probably just wants some time alone,” he said, even though he recalled she had invited him, recalled seeing her disappointment when he didn’t accept her offer to come along, though she’d tried to hide it.

Clem looked at him evenly, “Well, maybe. But the way I see it, is that she spent the last 5 years here all by herself, making a go of it. All by herself. Alone. I’d say that if she’s up there, staying away from here, then it’s not by her own choice, exactly. Well, gotta go! Give me a call when you’re up for some more driving lessons,” he said, and put the car into gear, driving off before William could challenge his statement.

William stood there trying to digest what Clem had told him. Not by her own choice exactly? What did that mean? That he’d forced her to leave? No, he hadn’t done that…hadn’t driven her away, had he? His heart felt like it was in a vise all of a sudden.


Clem drove off, but stopped when he came to the gate. He should’ve been a psychologist, with all the Spike/Buffy turmoil he’d been a confidant to over the past…what? 7 or more years. He sighed. He really ought to charge for his services; at least enough to keep him in poker kittens. He backed up the car along the road all the way to the house.

As Clem suspected, William was still standing there where he’d left him.

William looked up as Clem’s car came driving up, in reverse. Clem looked over at him, “What are you waiting for? Go get her William, go find Buffy!” he said, pointing to the trail.

William snapped out of his reverie and nodded, “I will. Thanks, mate.”

Clem smiled and drove off, while William went inside to put some shoes on. He grabbed some food and a couple of cans of some drink she liked, and shoved them into his backpack, then headed over to the trail.

He didn’t think about what he was doing, until he was a few hundred yards onto the trail. Maybe he should’ve left a note of some sort; what if she came home and found him missing? She always seemed so worried about him. He thought about the nature of their relationship as he walked along. For all his talk about wanting to take care of her, it seemed it was certainly the other way around, for the most part.

He berated himself and his perceived weaknesses, as he walked along the trail.
What kind of a man was he? The kind, who has a nightmare, then turns away from the one person in the world who has ever loved him? The worst sort of man, that’s who! No not man, a bin’ in’ wanker! What if she was angry with him? What if she grew tired of his weaknesses one day?

“Nightmares be damned,” he vowed to himself, ”Won’t let them stop me from being with her, right and proper. Won’t have them making me act all the nancy boy, instead of a man, won’t let them stop me from…” he stopped talking to himself as he found himself in front of what he was pretty sure was, ‘The Tree.’

He walked around it to make sure. There it was, the inscription he’d long ago carved, but like everything else from his life, couldn’t remember. He touched his fingertips lightly to the initials, tracing their pattern in the bark. But he did remember it from a couple of weeks ago; he smiled at the memory of what followed.

He looked next to the tree and saw a small, overgrown foot trail. If he remembered correctly, it led out to the overlook. He stopped as he emerged from it; there she was, sitting with her knees up, back towards him, headphones on her ears.

He came up behind her and knelt down, and gently put his arms around her.


When she’d first come to live here, after he was gone, when the house would get to be too much, she would come up here to this spot sometimes. She’d sit here for hours, crying, laughing, ranting, more crying. Mostly though, to talk to him, about how she felt, how much he’d meant being in her life, through good times and bad. About how she loved him, how she would never forget him, what he’ne fne for her, how he’d saved her and the world.

And if she closed her eyes and meditated hard enough, she would almost feel his arms around her, hear him whisper in her ear about how much he loved her, was proud of her, that she was The One. She’d imagine him urging her to go on, to not spend her time mourning him, that he’d had a long life, and that she’d made it all worthwhile.

Buffy was in this type of deep meditation when William put his arms around her.
e sie sighed, smiling. So, there he was again, Spike.

“I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you, too Elizabeth,” William whispered, kissing her hair.

It felt so real; it had been so long since she’d seen Spike, talked to him. She opened her eyes and looked back, saw his gentle smile, his light brown hair, his full lips, his…?

Wait! This was here and now, not 5 years ago.

She reached up and touched his f “Ar “Are you real?”

He nodded solemnly, then bent over to kiss her. She turned in his arms, so that he had better access to her mouth.

She stopped looking up at him, “I really did miss you, miss this, miss us,” she said, and she meant it, even though it wasn’t the Spike that she missed talking to in her mind, it was still very much a part of him that she loved.

“I know. I’m sorry, I just let things get to me, make me feel…unsure of who I am, of what I’m…I’m sorry,” he said, kissing her again, “I missed this too, so much…you have no idea...”

“Yes. Yes I do. I do.”

She sat sideways between his legs, curled up against him, as he held her, whispered his love and devotion into her hair.

Buffy opened her eyes and took a quick look up into the sky, “Thank you,” she mouthed to whatever deity would accept her benediction, “thank you.”


He let her nap a while against him, as he looked out the hundred plus miles into the desert he could see in the distance. It was a peaceful spot, but lonely, too. There was something familiar about this place, beautiful and forlorn, all at the same time. Before she’d fallen asleep, she’d murmured that she’d always felt closest to him, when he was gone, when she was up here; that she could imagine his voice comforting her. All he knew, was that if it had been him that had thought she were dead, he wouldn’t have been so strong, wouldn’t have been sitting on the overlook, he’d have thrown himself off it into the abyss, a long time ago.

He looked down at her; secure in his arms, with her golden hair against his chest, a look of peace on her face, which had been missing for the past couple of days, because of him and once more, felt guilty for what he’d put her through.


Sunshine and the warmth of his arms was the t tht thing she felt making her aware that she’d been napping. She smiled at the irony of those two things linked together.

“Luv? You awake?”

“Um-hmm,” she said, bringing her head up to look at him.

“Been out here a good long while bet you could do with a bit of food. I brought some for you,” he said, smiling down at her.

“I am feeling a bit hungry for food, but feeling hungrier for this,” she said, pulling his head down to hers, “you’re my sustenance.”

William groaned, kissing her back hard, and then their hands were on each other, rediscovering each other.

Clothes were quickly discarded and made into a makeshift bed on top of the rock’s hard surface.

She pulled him on top of her, and without any further waiting, he slid into her; she closed her eyes at the bliss of it for a moment, before opening them back up to stare into his blue ones.

“I missed you,” she whispered to him.

“I’m right here, luv.”

She shook her head, “I don’t just mean this,” she said, as she arched upward, wrapping her legs around his calves, “I mean here,” she said, kissing his mouth, his head, his chest, “and here.”

“I know, Elizabeth, I’m so sorry, ‘fraid to hurt you, ‘fraid…love you so much, so much, with every breath, every…” he groaned, forgetting the lingering remnants of the nightmare, as he was enveloped in the sensation of her warmth, her heat, her love, their coupling.

“William,” Buffy gasped, kissing him bafierfiercely, possessively, “love you, missed you, don’t cut me out, alone with you…same room…love you…my…heart.”

“Won’t love, promise, promise you,” he whispered to her, as he took her, there under the sky, under the heavens, silently promising her and himself, once again to never leave her, never hurt her, even if it meant hiding the truth from himself.

END CHAPTER 100


Sheesh! This was hard, I think the psychological impact of this being episode, er, chapter 100 must have got to me or something, because I’ve had one hell-u-va case of writer’s block the past week or so!

Glad that’s over with, at least I think so.

As for donations to the Fireman of Julian/Cuyamaca who lost their own houses while battling the fires in this area, talked to Paul Tullius at Valley Independent Bank in Julian again today. He’s given me a link to a general donation site:

www.julianfirehelp.com
You can donate to this fund through a Paypal link on this site, but he’s also going to be providing me a link for a fund set up just for the firefigher’s soon, so check back and thanks!


On a personal note, please consider buying anything you might buy from Amazon over the holidays through my site. I get credit. Thanks!!!

Actually, below is the link from my site right over to Amazon, which shows it came from my site, if you'd like.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0000CEODG/002-3018735-9840025

The link (above) is on this page http://www.spikealicious.com/YOUKNOWYOUWANTTO.html
if you want to click it yourself. Okay, enough pig!
g!