The Blossoming Dawn

Chapter Nine

Spike opened the door and saw her standing there a smug, annoyed look on her face.

Buffy.

"Finally learn 'ow to knock, did we?" he asked sarcastically.

She pushed past him hands crossed against her chest, brows furrowed.

"Why were you near my house?"

He slipped into a mask of indifference. He had to admit that being a vampire had made him an excellent liar and not prone to buckle under accusations.

"What makes you say that?"

"This does."

Buffy held it up to him gleaming--his lighter--his favorite Zeppo. He cursed himself inside.

It must have fallen out of his pocket when he was climbing down the tree.

"Your lighter. The one you always have. It was in my yard. I want to know why" she turned her unfriendly gaze on him, her blue eyes boring into him.

"It must have fallen out of my pocket."

"Yeah. I kind of figured that. But why were you at my house?"

"Technically I was only in your yard. And it is a free country, Slayer. I can take a walk if I feel like it."

Buffy rolled her eyes the irritation clearly written on her face.

"Well stay away from my house, my yard--and me. I keep telling you that there will NEVER be ANYTHING between us. So just give up. You have to stop obsessing and you have to stay away from me."

Spike had to fight the urge not to burst out in bitter laughter.

Buffy was such a selfish little bitch--leave it to her to actually believe that he wanted her. Leave it to self-absorbed Buffy to think every little thing was about her.

She would never suspect that he only lied--he lied and said he loved her so that he could use it as an excuse to see his angel. His sweet, perfect little lamb.

"I was only out for a walk. I thought I'd check on things. It had nothing to do with you."

Buffy rolled her eyes again, not willing to believe him.

"I'm supposed to believe that?"

"Yeah you are. You weren't even there. You were at the bloody Magic Box. So how could it have been some attempt to ogle you?"

Buffy sighed, shaking her head.

"Fine. Fine whatever. Just stay away, Spike. I don't need you lurking around all the time."

She turned to leave and Spike lost his patience. She had no right to kick him out of her life completely.

"But you needed me when all the big bad stuff went down with Glory? You needed me then, needed my strength? Needed me to protect your kid sister?"

Buffy turned cool eyes upon him.

"Spike--"

"No. No, you needed me then. You had nothing else. Willow and the monkeyboy weren't strong enough. I mean Red's a powerful wicca but you needed strength, power. Brute force--you needed someone who could kick a little arse. So you used me"
"You needed me then. And I helped you. I fought side by side with you and the scoobies--one demon-fightin' team. I protected little sis--I was willing to die for her."

Buffy sighed, crossing her arms.

"I fought all the way through and yeah I know I failed. I know you died--you were the hero, but I didn't have to do any of that. I didn't have to help you or your sister"

He shook his head slowly, then stared at her intensely.

"But I did. I was willing to give my unlife for you and the little bit--even Red and the other blokes. I thought that would earn me something. Some place in the gang--some scrap of courtesy and kindness--thought it would make me at least a little welcome in your home--and your life."

Buffy face softened a bit and she sighed once more.

"I do appreciate that, Spike. You know that, but--"

"But what you can only throw me a bone, be cordial when there's some big nasty that comes to town and you need back up? The rest of the time, what? I'm just a burden--just a mangy dog you allow to existt?"

"Spike I--it's not like that its--"

"What it is like then? Hm? Why don't you enlighten me? 'Cause I think that is exactly how the game goes. Buffy gets help when she needs it. Lets the mangy mutt of the leash and the mutt--me. I get screwed"

He came forward until they were facing each other.

"That's it, isn't it? I'm not good enough to be in your home, or look after Dawn, hang at the Magic Box or be treated fairly? No--only when you need something--want something. Isn't that it? Isn't that the truth?"

"Spike--I no its not like that. I--I didn't mean to get all bitchy and suspicious it's just--Dawn."

Spike arched an eyebrow quizzically.

"Dawn?"

Buffy sat down in his chair sighing once more, suddenly looking tired.

"She--She went on her first date the other night and--well she didn't tell me anything. About how it went or--anything. It kinda hurt my feelings...I mean I know I'm not as involved in her life as I should be but...I just--for some reason I thought she would come running in excited and tell me every little detail and we'd eat ice cream and talk about boys."

"And she didn't?"

"No--she--she just said 'I'm home' and went right up stairs and when I asked her about it. She said it was okay--which is great, but I tried to ask her a little more about the date and what happened...and she just blew up at me. She just out of no where shouted something about how I don't really care--about how I'm never there and...how she wishes I would just leave her alone."

"She said that?"

"Yeah...I tried to talk to her but--she--she just didn't want to and then she stared shouting things--about you and--"

"About me?"

Spike grew interested. He had to know what his bit had said.

"Yeah. She screamed how I take away every thing that makes her happy and how I won't let you come over--she said she had so much fun when you would watch her."

"She said that, did she?"

"Yeah and the most horrible part--the thing that really hurt was that she said--that--you--you showed more interest in her then me. She said that--she hated me."

Buffy was fighting back tears.

Spike was shocked and pleased that his Dawnie still missed him. It gave him a flicker of hope once more. Hope that maybe the feelings she had written about in her diary still lingered.

"I'm sure it was just teen craziness and all that. Just ragin' hormones, nothin' to get all weepy about?"

"But--But she said she hated me and--and it--the look on her face--the way she said it. It was like she really meant it."

"Come on now. You never told your mom you hated her before? Just out of anger?"

"Well--once--or twice but--I'm not her mother."

"I know your not technically her mother, but you are her legal guardian. She sees you as an adult figure in her life and she rebelled. Its what teens do."

Buffy nodded, determined not to cry. She regained her composure and stood up.

"Spike, thank you. M-Maybe--after school tomorrow you can stop by for a while. I think Dawn would like that."

"Is that an invitation, then?"

Buffy nodded, turning to leave.

She stopped and her eyes fell to Spike's pants.

A thin strip of white lacy fabric was sticking out of one of his front pockets.

He felt suddenly hot--as her eyes fell upon them.

Would she know?

Would she know they were Dawn's?

Spike clenched his jaw and prepared for the worst.