Waiting...

Title: Waiting... (9/9)
Warnings: Language (this chapter)
Rating: PG (this chapter)
Summary: Dawn’s not in a happy place, she's spiraling out of control because Buffy isn't in a healthy place either.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the BtVS characters. I am just dressing them up and making them play around a bit. It's free for all to enjoy, and fun - please don't sue.

Beta'd by emily (bruisexviolet83) as always, thanks sweetie.

This chapter is dedicated to Kurt Couper who left feedback on adult-fanfiction.org wanting to know 'what's wrong with Xander and Buffy' - I was going to leave it unsaid. So for everyone who wanted confirmation, you should thank Kurt.


Out the window and down the darkened street, Dawn saw an old car parked under a tree. It was a wide black or dark blue car from the 50’s or 60’s, the kind that always made her think of greased hair, leather jackets and rumbles. Every once in a while she’d also catch the cherry red glow of a cigarette flaring in the darkness.

It was now or never.

She slipped Tara’s ring on and grabbed the small bag she had packed, slingingit over her shoulder. It held her few spell books, some jewelry, a couple of pictures, and a few other necessities she’d thrown in. She’d worry about everything else later.

Taking a deep breath, she held her hand up and said, “Aufero.” The nails Xander had painstakingly hammered into the window to seal it shut more than a week ago extracted themselves and fell softly to the ground.

She took a last look at the room, her eyes lingering on things scattered here and there, each bit a memory in its own right. Her gaze finally came to rest on the piece of paper she had placed in the center of the bed. Unwelcome tears filled her eyes before she blinked them back. “Goodbye, Buffy,” she whispered, so softly she could barely hear herself.

She lifted the sash and climbed out the window.

She’d been a little unsure if the protection charm Tara had embedded in the amethyst would hide her from the ward as well as Buffy. Turns out, it did. Dawn had tested it by surreptitiously dropping a book outside the house on her way home from school, then sneaking back out to pick it up after Buffy had gone in the house. The ward hadn’t reacted. She was hidden, as she had been in Spike’s crypt. Tara had used a larger amethyst for that spell, but the premise was the same. It kept her from being detected by supernatural means. Demons, spells, anything. Dawn was safe, but more importantly, she was free.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Somehow Dawn wasn’t surprised when she opened the passenger door of the car and the overhead light didn’t come on. She dropped her bag on the floor, slid into the passenger seat, and closed the door behind her.

They sat in silence for a few moments. Spike calmly smoked his cigarette, flicking ash out his window every few puffs. Dawn looked out the windshield and down the block.

“The chip’s out, isn’t it?” she asked, still not looking at him. She didn’t know why she even bothered making it a question.

“Yep,” he answered, and flicked the butt out the window. Dawn watched as it arced out in front of the car before exploding in a shower of sparks on the road.

“Are you going to hurt them?” she asked quietly, and finally turned to look at him.

How she could have missed that his chip had been out the entire time was beyond her. She saw it now, the flush of color in his face, the barely concealed look of a predator in his eyes. And while he still looked thin, he no longer looked gaunt. Even the set of his shoulders was different.

“Depends,” he said, indicating her bag. “You coming?”

She shook her head. “Uh-uh, Spike. No deal,” she said firmly, “You want me, fine, I’m yours. They’re off the table - permanently. If I leave, then it’s me you come after. You’re done with all of them: Buffy, Willow, Xander, Tara, Giles. Everybody.”

“Even the bricklayer?” Spike asked, trying to sound disappointed. “He’s fucking your sister, you know.” His voice was a mixture of scorn and glee.

Dawn almost heard the click of the final piece sliding into place. She finally understood why Xander had been so distant. Scattered bits of the few conversations they’d had over the last couple of months resurfaced and finally made sense.

She shook her head and replied, “Even him. Especially him. It’s not his fault he got sucked in by hurricane Buffy.

“So?” she asked seriously.

“It’s the word of a demon, ‘Bit,” he said, his expression equally serious.

“Promise me, Spike,” she said firmly.

He sighed and rolled his eyes before saying, “Fine, the cartoon kiddies are off the menu. Happy?”

As he started the car, Dawn laughed and said, “You’re such a drama queen.”

“C’mere,” he said, holding his arm out.

She slid across the seat until she was pressed up against him, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. He put the car into drive and pulled away from the curb, tires squealing, and asked, “Where to?”

“Anywhere,” she answered simply.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Perplexed and full of dread, Buffy reached down and picked up the note off of Dawn’s comforter.

Before she was even a third of the way through, she thumped down hard on the bed as her knees gave out.

By the time she was halfway through it, tears were streaming down her face.

Freely sobbing when she finished reading, she clutched both the note and Dawnie’s pillow to her chest and curled herself up into a ball, sick with regret and worry.

Every painful word echoed through her head:

Dear Buffy,

There are so many things that I want to say, and yet I can’t seem to find the right words. I’m sorry. Sorry that Mom died. Sorry that I wasn’t somehow enough. Sorry that I let you down. Sorry that I hurt you.

But I’m also tired of sorry. I’m not sorry about Spike, and I’m not sorry about leaving. I love you, but I can’t stay. We’re killing each other. I didn’t die on that tower, and neither did you, and I’m tired of feeling like it would have been better if I had.

Mom told me, just before she died, that the hardest thing to do in this world was to live in it. I know this isn’t what she meant, but neither is what I’ve been doing.

Please don’t try to find me. I just need this. I’m safe with Spike, even if you don’t believe that.

Maybe someday we can…just be, you know. Friends maybe, or something. Something without all the baggage and the drama… I don’t know. But for now… I need to stop waiting. I want to start living again.

Love,

Dawn

End Chapter 9

The End

I hope you enjoyed this tale, look for the sequel Descent coming soon.