Quantum Xander II: In Wake of the Curse
folder
BtVS AU/AR › Slash - Male/Male › Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
65
Views:
20,522
Reviews:
119
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
BtVS AU/AR › Slash - Male/Male › Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
65
Views:
20,522
Reviews:
119
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
~PART 9~
Part 9
Xander had woken early in the morning feeling refreshed and happy. He had had the best dreams; Spike had been here, talking to him, holding him and kissing him. They had made love over and over. He felt… sated. He rolled onto his back and stretched.
“Morning love, did you sleep well?”
Xander squeaked and sat up. He hadn’t expected anyone to be in his room. He panicked, thinking that somehow he had taken advantage of his roommate in his sleep. But that wasn’t Spike-with-a-soul in his bed. It was Spike - his Spike. Dark hair, twinkling blue eyes; he was beautiful.
“Spike?”
“Here, love.”
“Oh, God! Oh God!”
Xander scrambled out of bed and stood trembling by his bedroom door. He wanted so badly to just throw himself into Spike’s arms and cry in relief. But he couldn’t trust what he was seeing. Spike was gone; he knew this.
“What’s wrong, love? Not happy to see me?”
“No… yes, I mean, of course I am! But, you’re dead. Dust, I mean.”
Spike climbed out of bed and walked toward Xander. He was naked and hard and Xander looked at him and he wanted him. He stepped toward him holding out his hand. Spike stopped just out of reach and shook his head sadly.
“Can’t, love. No touching; that’s the rule.”
“Why? Why can’t I touch you?”
“Not corporeal, am I? Nothing but dust in the wind - or a pot as the case may be. Besides, you don’t need me. Got a perfect replica across the hall. He’s got a soul and everything; no reason for your mates to get testy or anything.”
“Wha… Spike? No. He’s not; he’s not you. I love you.”
“Really? Then why’d you tell him you loved him last night? Wasn’t me that carried you to bed; wasn’t me that undressed you, that kissed you goodnight. It was him. It was him that you smiled at, that you spoke words of love to.”
As Xander tried desperately to remember the events of the night before, the image of Spike in front of him began to change. His hair lightened, his body thinned out and his eyes lost the spark of life within them. He looked like he had when they had first met. When he had been with Riley.
“No. Don’t do this.”
“Why? This is what I am, just a used-up replica of the demon you really want.”
Spike’s skin became mottled with bruises; scars appeared on his chest and abs, his skin began to peel away in strips. Xander shook his head in denial. He didn’t want to see this.
“Why? Why are you doing this to me? I thought you loved me?”
“But I do love you, Xander. I died for you, didn’t I?”
Spike’s image changed again, this time to what he looked like just after his hand had been severed. Xander sobbed and stepped toward him again.
“I’m sorry, oh God I’m so sorry. I never meant… It was an accident.”
“Hmm, doesn’t help though, does it? I’m still gone, and you’re all alone. Doesn’t have to be that way, love.”
Xander shook his head.
“I don’t want him. Only you, Spike. Only you.”
Spike smiled softly at him.
“Come with me then, Xan. We can be together again, just you and me. Forever.”
“I… Wait. How?”
“Death isn’t the end, love, it’s just the beginning.”
Xander didn’t understand what Spike was talking about at first but when the realization hit him, he backed away from Spike instantly. He looked again at the image in front of him.
“No. You’re not Spike. He would never ask me to die. I don’t know what you are but it won’t work. Whatever it is you’re up to, you will fail.”
“Suicide thing was too far, huh? Hmm. You seemed so ripe.”
“Who are you?”
The Spike-thing sneered at Xander and then affected a sad, pouty face.
“But I love you. I don’t want him, only you. Please. I know what’s really in your heart; you’d take him in an instant if he offered. Use him up; pretend he was the real thing. You’re not the pure soul you pretend to be, Xander; I know what you’re capable of - all that darkness inside you. You’ve got a taste for it now, don’t you? It’s the end of the world, lover. Whose side are you going to be on? From beneath you it devours.”
Xander watched - shocked - as Spike’s face distorted, his grin growing wider and wider until he turned inside out and disappeared. Xander dropped to his knees and wept. He was still crying minutes later when Spike knocked softly on his door. He didn’t even register the door opening or the vampire crouching down in front of him.
“Xan? You alright?”
Xander’s hand shot out and grabbed the startled vampire. He raised his eyes to look at him and sagged in relief.
“You’re real.”
“Er, yeah.”
“You’re real, you’re real, you’re real.”
Xander chanted, as the tears flowed freely. Spike was starting to become increasingly worried about the man and pulled him up off the floor. He led him out to the kitchen and propped him on one of the kitchen stools before setting about to make coffee. When it was finished, he slid a heavily sweetened mug of it in front of Xander and waited for him to drink before asking what had happened.
“I can’t… I just, I can’t talk about it.”
“Yeah, been hearing that a lot lately, Xander. You don’t talk to your friends, you don’t talk to me; you need to talk to someone, luv. You’re fallin’ to pieces here, Xan and it’s worrying me.”
Spike snorted in disgust.
“You hear that? You got me, the Big Bad, worrying about your sorry arse. Come on, Xander, out with it. What the hell’s going on with you?”
Xander drank some more of his coffee and then looked at the vampire who was leaning casually against the counter. He looked the very picture of disinterest, unless you knew him, and Xander did know him - intimately.
“I, it’s a long story, Spike.”
“That’s the beauty of immortality, pet. I have the time.”
“It started with the curse and what happened to me during that time.”
Xander began his tale starting with the morning he woke up in an empty apartment. Spike knew the basics, having read the boy’s journal, but wanted to hear Xander tell it. It took awhile to tell, and Xander had stopped a few times in the telling, once to call off work for the day, and a couple other times just to gather strength before telling about a particularly horrid event. By the end of it, Xander was shaking and crying and being held by a very confused vampire.
Xander had woken early in the morning feeling refreshed and happy. He had had the best dreams; Spike had been here, talking to him, holding him and kissing him. They had made love over and over. He felt… sated. He rolled onto his back and stretched.
“Morning love, did you sleep well?”
Xander squeaked and sat up. He hadn’t expected anyone to be in his room. He panicked, thinking that somehow he had taken advantage of his roommate in his sleep. But that wasn’t Spike-with-a-soul in his bed. It was Spike - his Spike. Dark hair, twinkling blue eyes; he was beautiful.
“Spike?”
“Here, love.”
“Oh, God! Oh God!”
Xander scrambled out of bed and stood trembling by his bedroom door. He wanted so badly to just throw himself into Spike’s arms and cry in relief. But he couldn’t trust what he was seeing. Spike was gone; he knew this.
“What’s wrong, love? Not happy to see me?”
“No… yes, I mean, of course I am! But, you’re dead. Dust, I mean.”
Spike climbed out of bed and walked toward Xander. He was naked and hard and Xander looked at him and he wanted him. He stepped toward him holding out his hand. Spike stopped just out of reach and shook his head sadly.
“Can’t, love. No touching; that’s the rule.”
“Why? Why can’t I touch you?”
“Not corporeal, am I? Nothing but dust in the wind - or a pot as the case may be. Besides, you don’t need me. Got a perfect replica across the hall. He’s got a soul and everything; no reason for your mates to get testy or anything.”
“Wha… Spike? No. He’s not; he’s not you. I love you.”
“Really? Then why’d you tell him you loved him last night? Wasn’t me that carried you to bed; wasn’t me that undressed you, that kissed you goodnight. It was him. It was him that you smiled at, that you spoke words of love to.”
As Xander tried desperately to remember the events of the night before, the image of Spike in front of him began to change. His hair lightened, his body thinned out and his eyes lost the spark of life within them. He looked like he had when they had first met. When he had been with Riley.
“No. Don’t do this.”
“Why? This is what I am, just a used-up replica of the demon you really want.”
Spike’s skin became mottled with bruises; scars appeared on his chest and abs, his skin began to peel away in strips. Xander shook his head in denial. He didn’t want to see this.
“Why? Why are you doing this to me? I thought you loved me?”
“But I do love you, Xander. I died for you, didn’t I?”
Spike’s image changed again, this time to what he looked like just after his hand had been severed. Xander sobbed and stepped toward him again.
“I’m sorry, oh God I’m so sorry. I never meant… It was an accident.”
“Hmm, doesn’t help though, does it? I’m still gone, and you’re all alone. Doesn’t have to be that way, love.”
Xander shook his head.
“I don’t want him. Only you, Spike. Only you.”
Spike smiled softly at him.
“Come with me then, Xan. We can be together again, just you and me. Forever.”
“I… Wait. How?”
“Death isn’t the end, love, it’s just the beginning.”
Xander didn’t understand what Spike was talking about at first but when the realization hit him, he backed away from Spike instantly. He looked again at the image in front of him.
“No. You’re not Spike. He would never ask me to die. I don’t know what you are but it won’t work. Whatever it is you’re up to, you will fail.”
“Suicide thing was too far, huh? Hmm. You seemed so ripe.”
“Who are you?”
The Spike-thing sneered at Xander and then affected a sad, pouty face.
“But I love you. I don’t want him, only you. Please. I know what’s really in your heart; you’d take him in an instant if he offered. Use him up; pretend he was the real thing. You’re not the pure soul you pretend to be, Xander; I know what you’re capable of - all that darkness inside you. You’ve got a taste for it now, don’t you? It’s the end of the world, lover. Whose side are you going to be on? From beneath you it devours.”
Xander watched - shocked - as Spike’s face distorted, his grin growing wider and wider until he turned inside out and disappeared. Xander dropped to his knees and wept. He was still crying minutes later when Spike knocked softly on his door. He didn’t even register the door opening or the vampire crouching down in front of him.
“Xan? You alright?”
Xander’s hand shot out and grabbed the startled vampire. He raised his eyes to look at him and sagged in relief.
“You’re real.”
“Er, yeah.”
“You’re real, you’re real, you’re real.”
Xander chanted, as the tears flowed freely. Spike was starting to become increasingly worried about the man and pulled him up off the floor. He led him out to the kitchen and propped him on one of the kitchen stools before setting about to make coffee. When it was finished, he slid a heavily sweetened mug of it in front of Xander and waited for him to drink before asking what had happened.
“I can’t… I just, I can’t talk about it.”
“Yeah, been hearing that a lot lately, Xander. You don’t talk to your friends, you don’t talk to me; you need to talk to someone, luv. You’re fallin’ to pieces here, Xan and it’s worrying me.”
Spike snorted in disgust.
“You hear that? You got me, the Big Bad, worrying about your sorry arse. Come on, Xander, out with it. What the hell’s going on with you?”
Xander drank some more of his coffee and then looked at the vampire who was leaning casually against the counter. He looked the very picture of disinterest, unless you knew him, and Xander did know him - intimately.
“I, it’s a long story, Spike.”
“That’s the beauty of immortality, pet. I have the time.”
“It started with the curse and what happened to me during that time.”
Xander began his tale starting with the morning he woke up in an empty apartment. Spike knew the basics, having read the boy’s journal, but wanted to hear Xander tell it. It took awhile to tell, and Xander had stopped a few times in the telling, once to call off work for the day, and a couple other times just to gather strength before telling about a particularly horrid event. By the end of it, Xander was shaking and crying and being held by a very confused vampire.