Kindness, Love, and Acceptance

Part 9

Connor lay awake in the spare room wondering how he had come to this. His life had been so complicated since entering this dimension. Finding Angel, starting to care for him; Losing Holtz, hating Angel again, dumping him in the ocean; losing Fred and Gunn's friendship, loving Cordelia, having a child, losing Cordelia, finding her again only to lose her to his father, watching as his child was killed... and now this.

Meeting Xander had taken his life down another path. A path that led away from L.A. and everything he had known since coming through the portal. A path that led him to where he was now, lying in bed in Xander's spare room in the dark. He'd much rather be in Xander's bed, in his arms, being touched and loved. He groaned in frustration. Now he was hard as well as awake.

He should have said no; he should have gone back to L.A. Instead, he had agreed to stay, at least tonight. So now, he was awake, horny and depressed. Across the hall he knew that Spike lay in Xander's arms, comfortable and loved. He wondered what they were doing right now; were they talking? Softly the way lovers always did in the movies he'd seen on TV late at night? Or were they touching each other, sliding their hands over the hard muscles of each other's bodies? Did Xander kiss Spike the way he had kissed him? Did he slip down on the bed and take him into his mouth? Did Spike arch his back and cry out the way he had done?

Or were the tables reversed? Perhaps it was Xander who was the passive one, the one being kissed and touched. Was Spike as gentle with Xander as Xander had been with him? Or was he rough? Did he nip at his skin, and fondle him with hard hands, hands that had been used to tear flesh and break bone? Did Xander enjoy the rough treatment? Would he enjoy it?

Connor sat up and swung his legs off the side of the bed. He pulled his clothes on and went out to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. After staring at the contents for a few minutes, he grabbed a glass of lemonade, sipped it and then winced at the sweetness before heading to the living room to watch TV. He wasn't tired, being used to staying up nights and sleeping days.

Several minutes into mindless channel surfing, Connor was startled as Spike took a seat on the sofa beside him. He hadn't heard the vampire come in, and that disturbed him. He was usually more alert than this. "Couldn't sleep. Thought I'd watch some TV; I didn't wake you did I?"

Spike smiled softly at him. "Nah, creature of the night here, not much for sleeping when it's dark still." Spike looked at the TV and nodded in appreciation. "Good flick, this one is. Lots of blood and violence."

Connor nodded. He had been fascinated by the sheer amount of explosions he had seen so far. "Does my being here bother you? I mean, I know Xander wanted me to stay, and you said it was fine, but is it really? I don't think I'd be so generous in your place."

"It is; we both wanted you to stay. The streets around here aren't safe at night, and hitchers in this town tend to end up as 'to go' meals for some demon or another. ‘Sides, truth is, I like you. Don't like that Xander left me here sleeping and took off to L.A. and shagged you, but that's hardly your fault, is it? S'mine, really."

"What happened? He mentioned that you had..."

"Whispered Angel's name? Yeah. Don't remember doing it though. Wish I hadn't done it, hadn't hurt him." Spike looked more like a man at that moment than Connor had ever thought he could.

"Did you and Angel have a... relationship?"

"Something like that. A very long time ago, when we were both different people. Why'd you ask?"

"Just wondered. Was there ever anyone else? Another man, I mean."

"No. No one until Xander. It was our first time, and I ruined it." Spike looked so depressed that Connor wanted to comfort him. He just didn't know how. Comfort was an alien concept to him. No one had ever comforted him, but he was pretty sure that hugs were the first step. Tentatively he put his arm over Spike's shoulder and rubbed his hand along the man's arm. "Xander is a good man; I'm sure he's forgiven you already. Perhaps it was just because it was the first time in so long, that the name slipped out."

Spike nodded his head but remained silent. He felt strange, having this be hae hardly knew offer him comfort. The only person who had ever offered him comfort had been Xander. And now, Connor.

Maybe that would explain why he leaned over and kissed him. Why he had pressed his lips to the other man’s, softly, sweetly, and then allowed his tongue the briefest of contact with Connor’s lower lip before pulling away. "Thank you."

Then Spike stood and walked away. He stopped at the edge of the hallway and looked back at the stunned young man on the couch. He smiled as he saw the tip of a pink tongue slip out and lick at his bottom lip before smiling. "I'll see you the morning. G'night."

"Good night," Connor answered absently as he brushed his fingers against his mouth. His life had just gotten more complicated.

~!~

When Spike returned to the bedroom, he crawled back into bed and pulled Xander into his arms. The man stirred and opened his eyes. "Hey. Where'd you go?"

"Couldn't sleep; heard our guest in the living room, thought I'd keep him company."

Xander was mostly asleep but he woke up at the tone of Spike's voice. Something was wrong with his lover, and he needed to know what it was. "What happened?"

Spike pulled Xander closer to him and kissed him before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. "We talked some, about whether I was bothered by him being here, about you and me, about why I said... his name." It was quiet for a few minutes while Spike worked up the nerve to admit to what had happened. It was one thing to tell Xander that he was attracted to Connor, it was another thing completely to kiss the boy while Xander was sleeping a room away.

"He, he was kind. Tried to comfort me, give me explanations for what I'd done. Told me you had probably forgiven me already." Xander cut in quickly, "I did." Spike sighed, "I know. Xander, I kissed him."

Xander felt Spike stiffen beside him and he drew back in question. "W"
"

"Felt... right at the time. Dunno."

"Hmm." Xander thought about the implications of what was happening. He had Spike; he loved the vampire without question. He liked Connor, could see something happening with them; apparently Spike felt the same way. He wondered if Connor was open to the idea. "Did you like it?"

"Yeah."

"Did he?"

"Think so."

"So, now what?"

"Dunno, love. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to. I won't do it again."

"What if I want you to?" Xander could feel Spike's surprise and chuckled weakly. "I'm sorry. It's the idea of you, and him, It's... well I kinda like it."

"Yeah, me too. Doesn't mean I love you any less."

"I know. How about you show me?"

"Oh, I think I can do that."

~!~