Just Another Game

New Beginnings


Xander woke to the feeling of the bed moving and, when he opened his eyes, he saw Angel had crawled down the bed, and pulled the covers away. Now he was licking across the sole of Spike’s foot, his tongue tickling the sensitive flesh. Xander watched in awe as Angel literally made love to Spike. He was worshipping his Childe’s body, lavishing every inch of it with loving attention.


When he finally settled between Spike’s thighs, the younger vampire was twisting and writhing on the bed, incoherent pleas falling from his lips. To Xander he’d never looked more beautiful, usually by the time Spike became this abandoned, Xander’s own brain was a puddle of mush on the floor. So to see his Master like this, to actually be able to watch as passion consumed him, was a rare treat.


As Angel finally sank into him, Spike reached out, and took a gentle hold of Xander’s hand. Golden eyes stared down on the entwined fingers, and Xander thought he saw a flash of anger and pain on Angel’s face, but it was hidden so quickly he couldn’t be sure.


He wasn’t jealous, a fact that surprised him a little and, despite his own body’s increasing desire, he had no wish to come between the two vampires. He was content to simply watch, and enjoy the sight of his Master being driven wild. Spike’s eyes had closed and his head was thrown back, exposing his throat. Angel was moving so slowly, drawing tiny whimpers from Spike’s lips. Xander could almost feel Spike’s need, his desire was like a tangible presence in the room, as he twisted and moved under Angel. Desperately trying to get his Sire to move faster, thrust deeper, anything to bring him off.


But Angel wasn’t giving up control; he licked and nibbled his way up Spike’s neck, sucking briefly at an old scar, before moving to his face. Pressing a brief kiss to each eyelid, before re-capturing Spike’s mouth, kissing him with a passion that was almost painful to watch. It was as though he was drinking in every sensation, imprinting the sounds, tastes and smells.


Angel’s hands played with Spike’s body, teasing the younger vampire into an ever-increasing state of desire. Every caress and touch bringing him closer and closer to the edge, but never enough to allow him relief. He wasn’t begging, at least not with words, but his body was stretched taut, every muscle on show, as he fought for control.


Then Angel’s own control faltered, rearing back, he paused for a second, staring down into Spike’s passion glazed eyes. Then he started to thrust, hard and fast, driving into Spike’s body. At the last moment, he sank his fangs deep into Spike’s neck, and Xander felt his lover’s hand tighten its grip on his to the point of pain, as his orgasm ripped through him.


One last deep thrust and Angel followed him over the edge, collapsing across his Childe’s body, and just resting there. When Angel recovered enough to move, he slid off Spike’s still trembling form and lay curled up beside him. But Spike didn’t seem to notice, the instant Angel’s weight was gone from his body, he rolled over and drew Xander into his arms. Whispering a quick, Morning luv, and then taking his lover’s lips in a gentle kiss. Again, Xander thought he saw that small flash of pain in Angel’s eyes, but the sensation of Spike’s mouth on his, and the tiny movements of their bodies as they rocked together, soon drove all coherent thought from his mind.


That first morning set the pattern for the next few days. The three of them barely left the room, except to eat and occasionally clean up. Xander enjoyed the seemingly insatiable attention of his two lovers; but time and again, he would see Angel’s eyes snap shut, to avoid showing the pain that shone from them. The older vampire seemed almost desperate at times, making love to Spike and Xander for hours on end. And it always seemed to Xander like he was storing up memories, trying to experience everything he could, before he was left alone again.


Angel appeared most lost those times he took Spike, and Xander slowly began to realise that the bond between the two vampires wasn’t as simple as he’d thought. Spike seemed to understand Angel’s need, letting his Sire take him as often as he wished, indulging his every whim and desire.


There was none of the animalistic fucking that had seen Spike return to Sunnydale a bruised and bloody mess; the time he’d come down to talk to Angel about the ritual. No they were strangely tender with each other, almost as though they were afraid to succumb completely to the passion they shared. And sometimes Xander thought that he could see an echo of Angel’s pain in his lover’s eyes. And a sort of wistfulness, that he was always quick to hide whenever he saw Xander watching him.


Xander watched the two vampires as closely as he could, he watched and thought, and tried to figure out what was going on. He still wasn’t jealous, and knew that if he asked, Spike would choose him. Would leave Angel behind and go back to Sunnydale in a heartbeat. But Xander started to realise exactly how much that would cost his lover, would hurt him. And he didn’t want that, since they’d been in LA, Spike had become calmer, more settled. Happier than he’d been back in Sunnyhell, and Xander wanted him to stay that way. The ritual, and the bond that had been created between them, let Xander know his lover completely. It’d also changed the way he felt about Angel. They were family now, and Xander felt his misery much as he did Spike’s. He knew that Spike wasn’t going to bring it up; his lover would never risk their relationship. But Xander wanted to make them all happy, wanted to find a way for all of them to get what they wanted.


The trouble was that Xander had no clue how Angel really felt. He was pretty sure that the older man wanted Spike, loved him. But he didn’t know if Angel would want them both to stay, had no idea how Angel felt about him. All he’d gotten from him were the brief hints of pain and need when he was with Spike. But the rest of the time the older man was as unreadable as he’d been back in the days he’d lived in Sunnydale. Xander knew he couldn’t make any kind of decision without knowing what Angel wanted, and he wasn’t going to be able to figure the vampire out any time soon.


There was no other way; he was going to have to come right out and ask him. And he’d have to do it when they were alone, to be sure that he was going to get an honest answer. If Spike was there, Angel would probably find some way to duck out of the conversation, or would say whatever he thought would make his Childe happy. It was days before Xander got the opportunity he’d been looking for, but one afternoon, Angel was called back to the office, leaving Spike and Xander alone for the first time since they’d been in LA. They made love, their bodies coming together with fierce passion, but when Spike drifted into a sated sleep; Xander forced himself to stay awake. And when he was certain his lover wouldn’t wake, he slipped downstairs to wait for Angel.


“You love him don’t you?” Xander’s voice echoed round the lobby, startling Angel. He’d just got back to the hotel, and had thought he was alone.


“What do you mean?”


“Spike, you love him.” This time Xander didn’t bother framing the words as a question; he wanted to make sure that Angel understood that he knew the truth.


“Xander…….” Angel raked his hand through his hair; he had no idea what to say to the young man, no way to explain how he felt. “I’m not going to try to come between you two. Spike and I…..it’s complicated, but I’m not a threat to your relationship.”


“I know. You couldn’t be.” There was absolute certainty in Xander’s voice. “But you love him and you want him to stay, don’t you?”


“What I want doesn’t matter, you’ll go back to Sunnydale soon, and that’s that.”


“It doesn’t have to be. We could stay, but it would have to be because you want both of us.”


“Xander…..” There was real pain in Angel’s voice; he wasn’t even trying to hide it any more.


“I’m not looking for some kind of declaration of undying love here. Just……” This time it was Xander who sounded uncertain. “You have to at least want me a bit. If you’re just tolerating my being around so that you can have Spike, it won’t work, sooner or later he’d figure that out, and then he’d take me away. He’d never let me get hurt like that. Better not to start it, if it’s all going to fall apart.”


Xander watched as Angel leaned back against the counter. Eyes squeezed shut, fists clenching at his sides; looking more like someone who’d taken a punch to the gut, than a person who’d just been offered a chance to make his dreams come true.


“Come on Deadboy, how often are you going to get an offer like this? Spike back at your side, and me as a pet, don’t tell me that you don’t like the idea of bossing me around? A little payback for all the hell I gave you back in the Dale?” He was trying for flippant, but the truth was that Angel’s silence bothered Xander. What if he’d been wrong, and Angel really didn’t want him there?


When several minutes passed without any kind of response from Angel, Xander decided he must have made a mistake. Not knowing what to say, he just turned around and headed for the door. He never saw Angel’s eyes snap open, never saw the look of pure need on that too handsome face, never heard his steps as he hurried across the room. There was only a strong arm grabbing his shoulder; spinning him round, slamming him up against the wall and driving all the breath from his lungs. There was a hard body holding him against the wall; and a hard cock pressed against his own. And when he looked up, he met the glowing eyes of Angel’s demon.

“If you stay, there’d be no going back, no changing your mind. I’m the one who should be asking why. You and Spike are happy, why would you want to stay here? Why risk what you have for me?”


Xander’s voice was a breathy, broken, rasp, as he tried to concentrate on Angel’s words, rather than the tempting body pressed tightly to his own. “Told you…...not a risk. I know Spike loves me, needs me. But he loves you too, wants you, wants to be with both of us. He’ll not ask……. won’t want to upset me, but leaving you would hurt him. I don’t want him hurt any more. He’s had too much of that in his life.”


“So you’d be the one tolerating me, to keep him happy?”


“No, that’s not how it’d be.”


“No? I seem to remember you hate my guts, you used to tell me often enough.”


“Angel, God, I was fifteen. You had everyone I cared about practically falling at your feet. You were stronger, smarter, better. Jesus, every time you walked into the room, it was like I became invisible. Of course I fucking hated you, but in case you hadn’t noticed Deadboy, I’m not a kid anymore; I like to think I’ve grown up some since then. Truth is we don’t know each other, not in any real way.


But I know you love Spike, and that he feels the same. I know you helped us with the ritual, believed in us when all my friends didn’t. Spike sees something in both of us, and I pretty much trust his judgement, we wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. The past is just that, the past, maybe we could start over, try and find the things in each other that Spike sees. It’s not love, but I figure maybe we could be friends, at least that’d be a good place to start.


Angel pressed even closer, grinding his hips into Xander’s and stealing a quick kiss, before pulling back and looking him right in the eyes. “You haven’t talked to Spike about this?”


“No, I needed to know what you wanted, I didn’t want to give him false hope.”


“You’re so sure about this, so certain he’ll want this.” Now Angel was the one who sounded strangely hesitant.


“I know him, better than I know anyone. He wants this, but he’d never have asked it of me, he thinks I wouldn’t want to leave Sunnydale, leave my girls.”


“And you do? I never thought you’d walk away from Willow and Buffy.”


“I love them, I always will. But it’s just too hard; I’m tired of fighting them all the time. They won’t accept that Spike and I love each other, won’t believe that it’s real. I think maybe it’d be better for all of us, if Spike and I found someplace else to be. I’d rather it be here, but we can always find somewhere knew if you can’t tolerate having me around.”

“You’ve no idea what you’re asking for…..if you stayed, you’d be mine as much as you’re his. You’re right I don’t love you like I love him, but tolerate…….oh no I don’t just tolerate you Xander. I want you, want you more than I ever should.” Angel’s voice had lowered to a whisper, his mouth pressed close to Xander’s ear. He practically purred the words, sending tiny vibrations shooting through the young man’s body. “And the next time you call me Deadboy, you’d be over my lap so fast, getting the spanking of your life. For right now, you sit down and stay quiet, while I go and talk to Spike.”


Xander managed to resist the urge to make a joke about being ordered to sit and stay. Lust and fear warred in his mind, as he tried to decide if the fact that Angel had seemed almost Angelus like in his reaction to Xander’s proposal; turned him on or scared him rigid. He just sank down onto the couch, and watched Angel stalk upstairs, praying that he’d made the right decision, in talking to Angel first; that Spike would be happy about what he’d done. No matter how hard he strained, he couldn’t hear what was going on up in their bedroom. The fact that he didn’t hear raised voices, or the sounds of furniture smashing that’d indicate a fight, eased his mind a little. But he couldn’t stop worrying; he wouldn’t, not until Spike told him that everything would be okay.


He curled up on the couch, waiting to hear how things turned out. But as he waited and waited, his mind stilled and his eyes grew heavier. The stresses and sleeplessness of the last few days finally catching up with him, until he drifted into sleep. He woke to the familiar feeling of Spike’s body wrapped around his own, a comforting weight at his back.


“Right surprise I got pet. Angel telling me you wanted to stay here. Gonna tell me why you didn’t come to me first.”


“I didn’t want to ask you about it ‘til I got some idea about what he wanted. I needed to know how he felt ‘bout me. Wasn’t going behind your back, I just didn’t want to make you an offer I wasn’t going to be able to live up to. I knew you’d do what was right for me, but I had to figure this one out myself.”


“Forgetting what you agreed pet? Who’s the one who gets to make the decisions?” Spike let his fingers trace the edge of Xander’s collar.


“Still your decision, you want to go back to Sunnyhell, or go somewhere new, and that’s what we’ll do. But I wanted to know if Angel’d want us both here. I saw the way the two of you were, you wanted to stay, I’m sure you did.”


“Luv, I’d never……”


“You’d never have asked. I know that you love me; I really don’t doubt that. It’s kinda why I had to, you wouldn’t have asked, in case I said yes for the wrong reasons. I didn’t you know. I mean I want you to be happy, and I know you love Angel, but I want this too. I think we’ll be happier here.”


“You’d leave your girls behind, stop being the White Knight? Doesn’t sound like you pet.”


“I’m so tired Spike. Like I told Angel, I’m sick of the never-ending fighting. They don’t see me, don’t think of me like a grown-up, and as long as we stick around I don’t think they ever will. Maybe some time apart will make them see I’m not a kid anymore. I figure we’ve earned the right to a little peace. And it’s not like there aren’t demons in LA, I’m sure Angel has plenty of bad guys for us to fight if I want to indulge my White Knight tendencies.”


“Got it all figured out don’t you?”


“I hope so, figure you could help him out with all that prophecy averting and evil undermining he’s got going on over at that law firm of his. You might have fooled Giles, but I know you’re a damn sight better at the translating and prophecy stuff than most Watchers, bet you’d find plenty to do. Not to mention all the fun you could have terrorising the other staff, and making sure Angel doesn’t go all broody again.”


“And what’ll you be doing, whilst I’m out doing all this hard graft, ‘cos I’m buggered if you’re spending all your time over at evil inc. Not ‘til I’ve got the place sorted.”


“Well I could just lounge around all day, like a good little pet……..but that’d get old pretty quick. I thought maybe that I could do something about this place, start fixing it up.”


“This wreck, pet you’d be better off tearing it down and starting over. Think it’s seen one too many apocalypse’s to be saved.”


“Philistine. This place is gorgeous, and the structure’s still sound, most of the damage can be fixed and I can restore almost everything myself.” Xander’s eye’s lit up as he talked about the hotel, and his plans for it.


“Sodding hell, it’s not about making me happy at all, is it? You just want to stay here and play carpenter, I’m being replaced by a bloody hotel.” The teasing words helped relieve Xander’s mind, Spike wasn’t mad at him for talking to Angel.


“Not replaced, wouldn’t do that, there’s parts of you I’d miss too much. Don’t think the hotel could fuck me like you do.”


“That’s all you’d miss, you just love me for my cock. Gonna have to do something about making you pay for that, just as soon as we get a playroom set up. ” Spike’s plaintive words were complete at odds with the wide grin on his face.


“We’re staying?”

“Yes pet, we’re staying, so long as you’re sure?”


“Wouldn’t have brought it up if I wasn’t. Does Angel know what you decided?”


“Wanted to talk to you first. Had to be sure, ‘cos there’ll be no going back. It’ll be like the claiming luv, he won’t just let us walk away if we decide to do this.”


“We should tell him, let him know it’s going to be okay. He’s probably as worried as I was when he went up to talk to you. Waiting’s kind of awful, when you’re sat on your own.”


“You looked right peaceful when I came down, fast asleep you were, not that worried.”


“Hey I’d been stressing about this for days, so I hadn’t exactly been sleeping much, I was exhausted didn’t mean I wasn’t worried.”


“Exhausted eh?” Spike got to his feet, then leaned down and scooped Xander into his arms. “Guess I should take you upstairs, and then me and Angel will get you all tucked up in bed, let you sleep whilst we celebrate. Wouldn’t want you wearing yourself out, now would we?”


Xander let his teeth clamp down on Spike’s neck, knowing that particular move never failed to drive his vampire wild. “Not too tired for that, never too tired to be with you. Besides I had that nice nap, I’m all rested up now.”


“Still, we wouldn’t want you getting over tired, no best if you just rest up.”


“Well I suppose I could just lay back and let you and Angel do all the work, no danger of that tiring me out.”


“Not much fun for us though, if all you’re gonna do is lie there, I mean if you’re that wiped, you really should take another nap.”


“There’ll be no napping, not ‘til after the celebrating, I mean this was my idea.”


They bickered all the way up the stairs and along the corridor to Angel’s room. It was familiar and easy for both of them. This place was already feeling like a home, and Xander knew that he’d made the right decision. Staying here in LA was going to be better for all of them. Here they’d have the time and space to be happy, without anyone interfering in their lives.


He let the joy and peace he was feeling leak through their new bond; and he could sense the same emotions being reflected back at him from Spike. Stopping for a quick kiss, they exchanged I love you’s, before rushing down the corridor to let Angel in on the good news.


tbc……….