Not Forgotten

Chapter 9


Spike dropped to his knees and pulled his Childe into his arms. “Fuck, Xan. What did you just do?”

Xander clutched at the knife in his stomach. “I-I just want it out. I’ve got to get the demon out,” he sobbed.

“No, little pet. Not like this. Let go of the knife, baby. Please.”

“Nooooo.”

Spike placed his hands over the knife and over Xander’s hands. “Right. This knife is coming out, like it or not.”

“Spike!”

“Keep still…”

“Spike…Sire, it hurts. Please…”

Spike brushed Xander’s hair out of his eyes with one hand. “Shh, little pet. Be still, yeah? Let me get it out.”

“Please help me. I can’t stand this. Please just help me.”

“'Course I’m gonna help you. I’m gonna get this knife out, then I’m gonna fix you all up.”

“Can’t…fix everything, Spike.”

“Yeah, I can. You just watch me. Fix you all up, demon and all. Just hold tight for a sec, yeah? Trust me?”

Xander held as tightly as he could to Spike’s body. He closed his eyes and nodded. “’Kay, Spike. Trust you.”

Spike gripped the knife and slid it from Xander’s stomach in one clean and swift movement. His Childe’s blood pumped from the open wound, and Spike quickly sealed his hand over it. “All done, luv.”

Xander groaned and opened his eyes. “Still hurts.”

“Well, it bloody would! Fuck, Xan. Don’t you ever do anything like this again. You talk to me, yeah? Whatever happens, we can always get through it, together.”

“Spike?”

“What?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, luv. Just, next time…do what I do.”

Xander closed his eyes against the pain. He curled into Spike’s body and felt himself being lifted. “What you do?”

“Yeah. When I get pissed off or whatever, I go kick some demon arse, go annoy the Slayer, or I might take a trip to Willy’s. Get nice and plastered.”

“Mm, ‘kay. Spike…?”

“Shh, relax, little pet. Let me take care of you. You just close your eyes and drift off. Spike’s here. Spike’ll make it better.”

“Please. Please…make it better.” Darkness drifted in and Xander trusted his Sire to help him, fix him and care for him. He trusted Spike more than any other now. Spike would never let him down. It was the only thing that he was sure of.

**

“Better, little pet?”

“Yeah, a bit, thanks.”

Spike lapped at his own wrist and sealed the puncture marks. He got under the covers and stretched out alongside his groggy Childe.

“Spike?”

“Sssh. You should rest.”

“I know, but…”

“What is it, luv?” Spike asked as he ran a soothing hand up and down Xander’s arm.

“I’m sorry.”

“You ain’t got nothing to be sorry for.”

“I have. My father. I did a terrible thing.”

“And you’re apologising to the Big Bad for that?”

Xander smiled weakly at the humour. “I guess that is pretty stupid.”

“No. But what was really stupid was sticking that knife in yourself.”

“I’m sorry. I-I couldn’t stop myself. It was like something was taking over. Damn demon again.”

Spike couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony of that.

“Hey, no laughing at the injured!”

“Sorry, luv. Couldn’t help myself. You okay now?”

“I’m alright. Apart from a gaping whole in my lower torso.”

Spike gently smoothed his hand over Xander’s bandaged stomach. “It will heal. Give it a few days, pet, maybe a bit more. You went in deep.”

“Hurts.”

“I’m not surprised. Don’t do it again, little pet, hm? Promise me?”

“Promise. Hurt far too much. Next time I’ll just brood like Angel does. I bet that really pisses the demon off.”

“I bet it does, luv. Listen…erm, while you were out for the count, Buffy called. She’s left a message on the machine.”

“Did you listen to it?”

“Couldn’t help but.”

“What did she say? She knows, I’m guessing, about us. Willow must have told her.”

“Yeah, reckon so. She wants to see you. She didn’t sound happy, pet. Reckon we’re in for some trouble.”

“Great.”

“I’m sorry, luv. I shouldn’t have said anything, not ‘til you were feeling up to it.”

“No, it’s okay. This I can deal with. Normal stuff. You know, it’s like, I’m dating…”

“*Dating*?”

“Well, I didn’t mean…although, while we’re on the subject, it wouldn’t kill you to take me out on a date…or I could take you…or we could even take each other.” Xander tried to avoid Spike’s amused grin. “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, Buffy doesn’t like the guy I’m with and I’m apparently supposed to justify myself to her. It’s real life stuff, not Hellmouth stuff. I can deal with it. Easy as pie.”

“Good. Glad to hear it, pet.”

“I’ll phone Buffy tomorrow, when I’m feeling a bit less like I’ve been in a car wreck.”

“Sounds like a good plan. Xan?”

“Mm?”

“Your father…”

“It’s okay, Spike. I’m dealing.”

“I just want to know what’s rattling around that brain of yours. Don’t want you to dwell. Not when you’ve got me here to talk things through with.”

“Thanks. I will need you. This isn’t sitting well, as you probably noticed when I attempted to skewer myself.”

“It did occur to me, yeah.”

“I killed my father, Spike. I’m not sure I can ever forgive myself.”

“Pet, he was a cunt. I’m sorry, I know he was your dad, but he was evil. Took his fists to you more times than you can remember, eh?”

“Yeah, but…”

“And he did that to you when you were a kiddie, too. That’s evil, luv. Pure fucking evil. Far worse than any vampire. See, vamps don’t have souls and they don’t have consciences. Him? He had both and he still went and abused a child, his own child. No fucking excuse for it.”

“I hear what you’re saying, Spike, and I do agree with you. But does that give me any right to dish out justice? Was I right to take away his life?”

“Maybe not. But it weren’t you, was it? Not in the true sense. The real Xander Harris didn’t have a say. But Xander the Vampire, beloved Childe of William the Bloody, he had a say and he took his revenge in the way he saw fit. He was protecting me and he was protecting you, too, in the only way he knew how. Take comfort in that, Xan. Your demon may be irritating the shit out of you right now, but he loves us both.”

“In a making sense sort of way, that so didn’t make sense. Did *that* make sense?”

“Surprisingly, yes. It did.”

“Mm.”

“Go to sleep now, little pet. We’ll see if we can get you up on your feet tomorrow.”

“’Kay. Spike?”

“Mm?”

“You’re the best Sire ever. You know that, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Definitely.”

“I wonder where I learned that from, then.”

“Dru, I assume.”

“Yeah. She may have been nuttier than a fruit ‘n nut bar, but she took care of me good. I’ll give her that.”

“I guess the question is, then, where the hell did Dru learn it from?”

“Fucking good question. Christ knows.”


**


“Here you are again, pet. Should I be scared? Maybe go hide all the sharp objects?”

“No. I’m okay. I’m just sorting through some stuff.”

“What stuff, luv?”

“Um, my stuff, mostly. A few sentimental bits. It’s surprising how little there is.”

Spike cautiously approached his Childe, wrapping his arms around him from behind. “You don’t have to do this now, you know. It can wait.”

“No. It can’t. I need to do this. It’s like a cleansing thing. I just want to wipe everything clean. It feels wrong to leave the house like this, just as they left it. It feels weird, like they’re going to come back in any second.”

“Giving you nightmares?”

“You know it is. Why else would I have repeatedly kicked you this afternoon? Look, it’s not that I want to wipe them out. I just want to get on with my life, or whatever, and I don’t want to see them everywhere I look. And also, it really is time that I pulled myself together. I don’t have a job anymore and it’s not like I can get a similar one. They just don’t do night construction. So, I don’t have any money. You don’t have any money. On the surface we’re broke. So I figure that we could sell some stuff. Raid my parents' bank accounts. My dad was really tight in the wallet department, but I know he’s got buckets of money stashed away.”

“You shouldn’t worry about things like that. Said I’d take of you, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but who’s going to take care of you?”

“Luv, you need to be resting. Shouldn’t be thinking about this stuff, at least not until you’re well again.”

“I need to do something. I’m going out of my mind in that basement. So, I’ve been thinking…”

“Uh-oh.”

“Shut it, blondie. I was thinking that we should live in the main house. That’s why I’m clearing away all the personal stuff. Just want to keep a few bits and some of the furniture. I want to get rid of the rest. Just throw away what we can’t sell.”

“Fair enough. But you sit down and let me do the clearing. You point, I’ll graft.”

Spike deposited Xander on the couch and turned around to make a start.

“Um, Spike? Could you bring me food, first?”

“You hungry?”

“No. If I was hungry, I would have bitten you by now. If I’m gonna sit here and watch, then I’m going to require snack products.”

“Right.”

Spike disappeared into the basement and came back up with a dozen bags of chips and a bar of chocolate. “*Don’t* eat too much. You don’t need gut ache to go with your…”

“Gut ache? Spike, this stuff isn’t going fall through the hole in my stomach, is it?”

“Nah. The hole is mostly healed. Just don’t eat too much or you’ll stretch it or something. “

“Then why did you bring twelve bags of chips up?”

“So you can choose, idiot!”

“Oh. Okay, I’ll let you off.”

“Very gracious. So, what first?”

“The cabinet, it needs completely clearing out.”

“Sure? You don’t want to keep anything?”

“I’ve already been through it.”

“And?”

“And what? There was nothing I wanted.”

Spike opened a drawer and took out the box of photographs. “What about these, luv? Don’t you want to keep them?”

“No. I can’t look at them. It’s just too much.”

Spike nodded and brought the box over with him to the couch. He sat next to Xander and took his hand. “Then let me keep them, yeah? I’ll hide ‘em away for you. You won’t have to look at them.”

“Spike…”

“Go on, little pet. For me. Let me keep ‘em. You don’t *ever* have to look at them. But, if you do ever change your mind, I’ll have them here for you.”

“Yeah, okay,” Xander reluctantly agreed. “But make sure they’re well hidden.”

“Not a problem. I’m a master at hiding.”

“So I noticed. Spike? Where are my Hawaiian shirts?”


TBC…