Saying It With Flowers

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairing: Xander/William
Rating: G then R then NC17 ( but not till later…..he he he)
Author: Mightbeme
E-mail: Lee_Michelle_t@hotmail.com
Feedback: Yes please
Disclaimer: Not mine, don’t own em (pout…stamps foot….dammit) they belong to Joss etc.
Spoilers: Up to Same Time Same Place and then we take a left and head off road.
Thanks: To my wonderful friend Meg for encouraging me to finish this and for being the best beta in the world. Thanks also to the many people who sent me feedback I really appreciate it. Huge thanks to Seige and Sofy for their insights.

Notes: Thoughts in * * flashbacks in # #

Saying It With Flowers

Chapter 9 William

When I arrived home from work that afternoon, I found Alex pacing about the living room like a caged tiger. He all but pounced on me as I opened the door, nearly knocking me over.

“Alex, what on earth is the matter?”

“William, who was here today?”

I felt my eyebrows raise as Alex’s hands grasped my shoulders painfully tight. I stood slightly ill at ease, as a torrent of emotions swept across his face.

“Miss Willow stopped by this morning, but how did you know she’d visited.”

His relief shone plainly, hands losing their tense grip to slowly slide down my arms. He turned away from me in an almost absent-minded way and scrubbed his palms against his eyes.

“Alex, are you alright?” I followed him, my hand reaching out in comfort automatically.

He slid his hand into the front pocket of his jeans, searching briefly. The keys jangled as he drew them from their hiding place, sending odd metallic echoes bouncing off the walls. He weighed them in his hand, almost as if he were weighing my worth as a confidant. Suddenly he straightened his shoulders, his decision made, apparently in my favour.

“I’m fine. I was worried out of my mind about where Willow’s been hiding, but she was here, so that’s a relief. I saw the extra cup and saucer on the table and figured you’d had a visitor.”

“When she left me this morning she was going directly to the school to see you.”

The worry lines creased his forehead again as he ushered me towards the door.

“I haven’t seen her, she was supposed to fly in yesterday afternoon, but she didn’t show.” He locked the door behind us and we walked to the car park, taking Alex’s truck for the short drive to Buffy’s house. Alex was quiet on the way over as I told him of Willow’s visit to the apartment and then how she had accompanied me to the shop. He seemed unsurprised that she knew Maggie, nodding his head in agreement as I recounted Willow’s tale of Tara and the flowers. He fell silent after apparently digesting what I’d told him. To me he seemed to be more worried for her than angry which was understandable in the circumstances. When we arrived Buffy answered the door and I followed Alex into the house, not wanting to lose contact with him. I had done my best to avoid Buffy and was less than happy to be thrust into her company once more, but I tried my best to be diplomatic.

“How are you William?”

“I’m well Buffy, I trust you are in the best of health as well?”

“I’m good, well maybe that’s an overstatement. I’m as good as I can be with Willow missing”

Buffy and I had regained little ground since our abysmal night out. I still felt uncomfortable around her after reliving the memories of her tryst with Spike, and yet I politely offered her my arm to escort her to the kitchen. On the surface we interacted well enough together but I lacked the trust I had placed in her before. She seemed to be seeking a substitute for the lover she’d lost in me, and frankly I found it practically insufferable. I’m quite sure that the term lover applied to her relationship with Spike in only the loosest of terms. A tall pretty girl with long dark hair stood in the kitchen, waiting, and a somewhat nervous half smile graced her lips as we entered.

“Hi….um William, I’m Dawn. I’ve heard a lot about you from Buffy and Xander too. They told me to behave and not to call you Spike. But its not like I’d do that, you really look nothing like him. Well except for the eyes and the face and the body.”

As she spoke her eyes drifted over my form in a most assessing manner. Buffy gasped, horrified by her sister’s forthrightness.

“Dawn”

“What, like I haven’t noticed his….a guys body before. Well Spike’s body anyway, oh and Xander’s, though this version looks pretty g….”

“Dawn Summers, go to your room.”

Buffy continued on in outrage and Alex flushed. I merely stood by improperly amused by the girl’s fast and fluid tumble of words coming out of her mouth. Dawn stood her ground defiantly, staring down at her diminutive sister.

“Why? Just because you’re older than me, and all slayerey? You can’t just boss me around. I have a right to my opinion you know.”

The two girls glared at each other, Buffy obviously struggling for words.

“Well you’re opinion is rude, you shouldn’t be looking at guys’ bodies.”

Dawn snorted, “Like you don’t,”

Buffy blushed and looked helplessly at Alex who just shrugged his shoulders in defeat.

“Forget it Buff. You’re not gonna win that one.”

“Well alright. We’ll…. I’ll forget it you you can stay here, just try to behave” Dawn rolled her eyes at Buffy’s motherly tone.“ We should be thinking of how to find Willow.”

“Will saw Willow today, she came to our place looking for me.”

Both girls’ head’s swung around in shock, two sets of eyes locked on to mine. I took a halting step back towards Alex as they advanced on me, thirsty for information.

“What, when, where was she going? Why didn’t you tell us earlier?”

I stuttered for a second, grateful when Alex moved to flank me subtly supporting me against the verbal onslaught.

“Calm down both of you. William didn’t know Willow was missing. I only just found out she’d stopped by the apartment earlier.”

Buffy and Dawn settled but kept the glares firmly fastened. They seemed intent on knowing all that I did, so I shared it with them willingly. As they talked between themselves about Willow’s whereabouts I wandered through the house and spied the flowers I had given her standing in a vase on the dining room table.

“Alex” The three of them came running at my raised voice and I pointed to the arrangement.

“I gave those flowers to Willow this morning.”

“Then she’s been here, but where is she now?”

As Alex spoke Willow walked slowly into the room, her hands clasped together tightly. She looked very tired and smiled s at at me; her green eyes glimmering with unshed tears.

“William, I didn’t expect to see you here.”

I could not help but move closer in a response to her unspoken plea for comfort.

“I’m glad to see you safe and well.”

Alex gave me a puzzled look, and I could not understand why they were ignoring each other. Buffy and Dawn’s voices rose to fever pitch as they argued amongst themselves in the background.

“I’m fine, a bit lonely but ok. Have you seen the others?”

Now it was my turn to look surprised, as I waved my hand in Alex’s general direction.

“They’re right here.”

Alex’s frown deepened as he took the few steps to stand beside me, his hand coming up to rest on my arm.

“Are you ok William? Who are you talking to?”

I felt immense reassurance from the subtle contact, and leaned against him ever so slightly. Buffy and Dawn became silent throwing bewildered looks back and forth as they watched the interaction between us.

“You can’t see her?”

Willow moved closer, her brow crinkling into a frown that mirrored Alex’s. “William are you ok?”

“Can’t see who?”

“Willow.”

“What?” Alex, Buffy and Dawn froze for a second before searching the room frantically. “Where is she? I can’t see anyone but us.”

“William, what’s going on?” Willow moved closer and laid a hand on my other arm. As it came in contact with my skin Alex yelped and jumped away. Startled I looked up at him. He moved to my side more pronounced furrows standing out on his forehead now and waved a hand through the air where Willow was standing. Each flail sent his arm right through where her body should have been, yet the hand clutched on my forearm felt very warm and real.

“I saw Willow, but it was all ghostlike. I was touching William’s arm and she suddenly popped up. There but not really. When I let go she disappeared.”

“William was that Xander?”

I moistened my dry lips, trying to understand what in the world was happening. “Obviously they can’t see you, but I can. You can see me and yet you cannot see them. You both touched me and you saw each other.”

“Oooh! You’re like a conduit, or a conductor or something” Dawn’s voice high and excited, broke the stunned silence “Cool”

“Could be, I’ve seen stranger things on the Hellmouth”

Alex reached out again and I nodded in agreement letting him take hold of my arm. He started slightly, but held on as he and Willow slowly became visible to each other. His features softened when she finally coalesced, and he fought to meet her downcast eyes. Struggled to show her the soft smile he wore just for her.

“Willow, you’re not exactly all here but we’re really glad your back.”

“Me too Xander. I couldn’t find you guys and I looked everywhere for you. You weren’t there and I thought you didn’t want me to come home.” Willow spoke quietly, and Alex’s grip tightened on my arm, reacting no doubt to the misery laid bare in her words. I felt reassurance pour off him like a wave, sweeping around me, through me, yet aimed at her. Willow must have felt it somehow, for when she raised her eyes, they were wet with tears, but crinkled at the edges from a tentative smile.

“Of course we want you home, we love you Willow. You belong here.”

More tears gathered in Willow’s eyes, her voice a mere whisper.

“You want me home?”

Buffy and Dawn’s concerned voices joined in from the sidelines. I could tell from their expressions that Willow was becoming visible to them as well.

“Willow we love you, of course we want you here, honey. All of us.”

Alex gasped and loosed his hold on me quite suddenly, reaching out to grab Willow and drag her into a bearhug.

“There’s my girl.”

Willow sniffled and buried her face in his shoulder, hugging him tightly back.

“Oh, Xander…I’m finally home.”

Buffy and Dawn waited patiently for Alex to release Willow before hugging her themselves. While I was happy for Willow to be back with her friends a feeling of loss came over me. Watching these life-long friends have their cheerful reunion, distanced me from Alex, from the delightful Miss Dawn, and yes, even Buffy. As if I was standing outside, nose pressed against the glass witnessing a cozy dinner to which I was not invited. I didn’t belong here, a stranger, a man with no memories of my own, armed with only the false recollections of a cad, a wastrel. I turned away unable to bear the sight, unable to stand the obvious exclusion any longer and made my way towards the door. No one noticed when I slipped out silently. I started home, the sun sinking slowly past the horizon, and when threads of violet snuck in among the clouds I knew sundown could not be far off. The lengthening shadows cast long fingers across the quiet streets. It was eerie, no children played in the gathering dusk, only the hushed sound of birds wings rustling as they roosted for the night in nearby trees. Halfway home, I heard the sound of squealing car tires pierce the gloom and watched Alex’s truck swerve towards and over the curb, shuddering to a halt beside me. He leaned over to the passenger side window, his voice tight.

“Get in…Now!”

I hesitated and he threw the door open viciously, his face dark with anger.

“I can walk home Alex, its no trouble, you needn’t come to fetch me.”

“I said get in the truck William. Now before I get out and throw you in”

I was stung by the harsh tone and words, though not willing to risk his anger further.
Gingerly I climbed into the truck and pulled the door shut. Alex motioned with his hand and I wound up the open window. He threw the car into gear and sped away, looking carefully in the rear view mirror. Something he saw made him grip the steering wheel tighter and I twisted around to see what it was. In the darkening street, two figures appeared where I had been standing. I looked at Alex, concerned at the paleness of his features.

“Are you alright Alex?”

“Never do that again William, ever…..do you hear me. Its not safe after dark in Sunnydale.”

That he lacked faith in me, even to convey myself safely about town after hours…well it was rather unsettling, and more than a bit annoying. He’d just treated me like a naughty child caught stealing sweets from the kitchen and it rankled.

“I am quite capable Alex, you needn’t fear for me.”

“No”

We swung into the car park at the apartment complex where we lived. Alex dragged me from the vehicle and up the stairs to our apartment. I tried to protest his rough treatment as he deftly unlocked the door and shoved me through it.

“Alexander, really…..stop this absurd behaviour.”

The door slammed behind us, and my head spun as he turned me forcibly around and thrust my shoulders against its hard surface. I gasped as Alex pinned me with his body, his hands on either side of my face, his manner icy. I squirmed, unable to control myself as the man who’d only just warmed to me, chilled once more.

“You will never go outside that close to sunset again.”

Regaining some of my courage, I struggled against his heavier body. Blood rushed to my cheeks when I realised the writhing sent confused signals to a part of my anatomy that I rather it hadn’t.

‘I..I..I’ll do as I please thank you.”

Alex growled deep in his throat, and I shivered as he leaned closer, his lips only a hairsbreadth away.

“No, while your staying with me you will follow my rules.”

I stared, wide eyed at the worry that slowly replaced the anger in Alex’s intense gaze. The resistance in my body melted away as his tone became softer, more cajoling.

“Its not safe after dark here. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

I became subtly aware that he wasn’t averse to feel of my body press against his. I swallowed convulsively, not sure whether to ignore or welcome the heat that flared suddenly in his hooded eyes. His hips nudged against mine, leaving me in no doubt as to his desire.

“Promise me William.”

Time stood still as I struggled within myself. As much as I was loathe to take orders from another, I was also beholden to Alex. I breathed my answer out on a sigh.

“I promise”

Satisfied by my response, Alex’s mouth descended and I felt the mere whisper of his breath play over my lips.

“Good”

He pulled away leaving me bereft, leaning on the door for support as my knees buckled. I felt no small measure of disappointment at his abrupt departure. My lips tingled and I flushed again acutely embarrassed by my aroused state. Alex quickly disappeared into the bathroom without a backward glance, and I heard the noise of the shower soon after. Need coursed through me as visions of Alex naked, water cascading over his perfect form flooded my mind. I stumbled blindly to my room, throwing myself face down on the bed. My hardness ached and I rubbed it unconsciously against the bed sheets, desperately needing the friction. The feeling of Alex pressing me against the door replayed in my head and I held back a moan of longing. Finally, I could stand it no longer and rolled over, unzipping my pants to take myself in hand. I had not had to do this for a long time, but I was truly desperate. My hand closed over my hard length and I bit my lip in an effort to quiet my whimpers. Sliding my hand up and down my shaft I imagined Alex doing this for me. His calloused fingers running lightly around the head, drawing imaginary patterns on the sensitive tip. Behind my closed lids his dark eyes stared up at me, a seductive smile gracing my dream lover’s lips. My hips bucked towards the ceiling as I imagined Alex’s larger form covering my own. The hot, hard length of his cock pressed against me, finding its place beside my own weeping shaft. Rubbing and grinding, bucking against me, making me cry out in ecstasy. His soft breath hot on my cheek, panting sweetly as we both erupted, spending our passion together. Afterwards I struggled to stay awake, not wanting Alex to find me in this condition. The sound of the shower ceased and I waited patiently until I heard his door close before I scuttled quickly to the bathroom to wash the remains of my shame away. These thoughts and dreams of Alex grew ever more frequent and I found myself wishing he felt the same. Perhaps he did, perhaps he fought the same attraction. His earlier actions could be explained that way. When he pressed me up against the door, I could feel his desire, just as he could feel mine. Why then did he leave me? Was he ashamed of the way his body reacted to my own? I sighed to myself, dressing quickly and going to the kitchen to make something to eat. Alex was already there. He took a plate from the microwave and put it on the table. His own dinner was half eaten and as I sat down I thanked him quietly before I began to eat.

“Uh…William?”

I glanced up in surprise; somehow I did not think conversation was what Alex had wanted.

“Yes Alex”

“I’m uh sorry about before, I didn’t mean to be so…rough.”

“I understand, I know you were only concerned for my welfare.”

He smiled tightly and the conversation lapsed into uncomfortable silence for a short time. We were clearing dishes before he spoke again.

“Willow wants us to all go out together Saturday night. You uh wanna come, we’re going to the Bronze.”

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to be in the way”

“Sure I’m sure. I want you to come, ok?”

A tiny smile tugged at the corners of my lips, he sounded so sincere. An outing sounded like just what I needed to clear my head.

“I accept, then”

Alex’s smile relaxed into something more natural, like he had been relieved of some burden. I think we were both looking forward to our night out. It promised to be something special.


tbc