The Forget Me Not Series

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Part 8-- WElcome to the Working Week

For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most

difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the

work for which all other work is but preparation.

--Rainer Maria Rilke

"Welcome to the workin' week.

Oh I know it don't thrill you, I hope it don't kill you.

Welcome to the workin' week.

You gotta do it till you're through it so you better get to it."~

Elvis Costello

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What to do? What to bloody do? He had to reason with Faith. Reason

with her? Who was he talking about here? No, no, no... he had to

demand that she listen to him. Alistair Crowley was evil. The last

thing she wanted was evil near her -- touching her. No, that wasn't

it either. She could have evil all around her and she wouldn't

flinch. She didn't want to be evil, as if she ever was. If only he

could convince her that that doing this spell, taking away the shadow

demon was evil. Then she wouldn't do it. That was the key. Not that

the idea of taking the demon out of her was evil it was just a very

horrible idea, and if Alistair Crowley was behind it evil was

somewhere in the mix. So, it WAS evil. Spike wouldn't be lying to the

Firecracker. He had never lied to Faith. So, that was all he had to

do. He was going to put effort into that plan. But first he was going

to drink this bottle of Jack and go into the sleep of the Damned in

Harris's gleaming white-walled yuppie flat.

It wasn't as if he could convince her of this tonight with Wood and

that bugger of a Watcher around her. Actually, No wait they weren't

there either. She had thrown the lot of them out. Spike smirked in

Harris's surprisingly nice leather chair as he realized Faith had

thrown out the buggering Watcher too. "Get out of my sight!" His Mum

used to say to him when she was angry at he and Caroline for

bickering. When she had reached that point, it never mattered who had

started the bickering or whose fault it was. Sometimes all one had

done was tattled on the other and they had to get out of her sight,

too. That's what they got for tattling. Of course, William would only

end up comforting Caroline and tell her that mother hadn't really

meant it. This was a tad different. Spike wasn't about to comfort

anyone else that Faith tossed out. They were to be let back in by

morning, but not him. Spike tried not to care or notice that Faith

hadn't tossed Angel out. Angel was more like a father than ever now.

He had been distant and nonpartisan in all the bickering over the

demon. He breezed into town and said a few sentences, and he was

never to be tossed out. His opinion mattered most, if only he had a

spine enough to bloody have one!

What were Watcher boy and Wood thinking with this bloody spell? With

Alistair? They were kingking this was a quick fix. Little Miss Wesley

didn't trust Faith with the demon inside her. He was afraid she would

go dark again and die maybe taking Wesley boy and a few others with

her. How could a man be so ignorant about his own Slayer? Wood, Wood

was a different story. It made Spike's head hurt to think about all

the strings that were being pulled in Wood to make him put Faith in

danger. They were the same strings that had pulled at him to almost

kill Spike before. Spike laughed bitterly to himself.

"I've always been waiting for this day. The day that Faith would find

out about me an' her man. S' not how I pictured at all. I suppose he

was a smart bugger waiting, the longer he waited the more I had to

lose. But, I was never playing for keeps! It's not about me! It's

about her. It's all for her -- can't he see?" Spike grumbled as he

stared at the off flat screen Telle.

"Oh, no!" Harris exclaimed as he entered his place, "Invisible people

again. Look, I don't know why you show up here whenever your

insane...I'm no Doctor Phil, but you probably need Hannibal Lecture

anyway. You and Hannibal together in a room, I'd pay to see that."

"I'm not talking to invisibles. I was talking to--you-- I suppose.

Not that you have a clue as to what is going on as usual," Spike

said. He had smelled the boy before he heard him come in. He knew the

boy long enough to know his scent, which was a disturbing fact.

"You're right I am clueless as to why you wouldn't tell Faith that

you killed her boyfriend's mother, and then be pissed that she sided

with him on the issue. Though, I do have my theories as to why you're

upset she wants to take the Shadow demon out leaving her with zero

Slayer power. Wanna hear them?" Xander said.

Spike turned to look at Xander in surprise. The boy looks misplaced

in that suit. He was growing up, or had done it. It was odd.

"Willow called me. She didn't want me to be all surprised when you

showed up here drinking... Isn't she considerate?" Xander said.

"It's way more complicated than what you know," Spike sighed.

"Is this the part where you go into your national geographic

speech ... survival of the fittest? Kill or be killed. Dog eat dog.

Me vampire, them Slayer. Mi casa, su casa... Oh no wait that last one

was my speech. The one I never gave to you about saying it's okay to

crash here whenever you screw up," Xander said. He took the bottle of

Jack from Spike sniffed it and decided against it and got a bottle of

Yohoo from the fridge instead.

"Faith is in danger. Wood is being a jealous brash git, but I think

he really believes he's doing the best thing for her. It's that Nancy-

Boy Watcher that's the real git. He should know better than this! God

knows he seems emotionally removed from Faith enough. Maybe he WANTS

to hurt her. Maybe he's so convinced that she would go dark with the

demon inside of her he'd rather see her pay the price of Black

Magic," Spike went on.

"God, isn't he paranoid," Xander snorted, "Look, Wes may be a made-

over Giles on a day where Giles took a stupid pill, but he would

never hurt Faith. Not now, after all they've been through. This

sounds like a let's-blame-everybody-who-isn't-Spike-speech...They're

my favorite."

Spike glowed at Harris who continued talking as he sat across from

Spike on the couch. Spike would feel like he was at a job interview

with the boy in that suit if it wasn't for the bottle of Jack and the

Yohoo, and if Spike had ever went to a typical job interview.

"Did it ever occur to you that everything is going to work out? That

Faith just won't be the Slayer anymore and she can live a normal vamp

free life, which includes being free of vamps who killed boyfriends'

mothers? That what this is really about is that you screwed up with

another girl that you were close with because you were trying to be

something you had no right to be to them?" Harris said.

"Had no right to be," Spike repeated numbly. Damned boy! Of course

most of what he said was complete bollucks, but he always managed to

get a zinger in there.

"How could you let it happen this way? Why did you have me remember

it in bits and put it all together when it was too late? Why? You

can't et a t a man to go into a mission blind! I would have done it

right if you bloody told me!" Spike shouted knowing that they could

hear him-- or at least half-knowing.

"I'll take that as a 'no' then... A guy that goes crazy rather than

admit he's wrong, and I thought Angel was bad," Xander sighed.

"I am NOT talking to invisibles, Harris. I'm talking to the

Goddesses...or whatever you bloody are!" Spike yelled and looked up.

He knew they weren't in the sky with harps or anything, but he had to

look somewhere.

"Of course, the Goddesses that live in my ceiling. I didn't mean to

disrespect your chosen faith...in crazy world! What the hell are you

talking about?" Harris demanded.

"Apparently, when I burned I decided to come back and play a Super-

hero. Don't know what I was bloody thinking!" Spike scoffed falling

back in the chair.

"Well, maybe you were thinking it beat burning in Hell, but I have no

idea how these things work. So, the world was created by Goddesses in

my ceiling. This ruins Christmas. Are they hot?" Harris asked.

"I don't know," Spike grumbled knowing that Harris believem
m

regardless of his prattle, "I only saw one. They...She ... didn't

seem like the only one, and I don't think they are necessarily the

supreme rulers of every--- Bloody Hell, could you not distract me

from my story. Things are bad enough!" He leaned forward as roughly

as he leaned back and looked at Harris earnestly as the boy swallowed

his last gulp of yohoo and waited.

Spike continued.

"I wasn't going to burn in Hell... I was going to get to be human,

live another fifty years or so... It was my reward for saving the

world, getting old and dying slow rather than ending with a bang --

not really my style," Spike told him.

"Wow!" Harris said, "I saved the world. Does this mean I'll get a

prize too? Hey, if you had like 100 years of murder under your belt

and got a prize I can't wait to see what I'll get."

"You are a horrible listener you know," Spike said. He got up with a

sigh and lit a fag.

"Am not...Goddesses-you weren't going to hell, you were going to be a

real boy and end with a whimper not a bang, but you chose hero,"

Harris said.

"I wanted it to be a selfless act. I wanted to prove to myself I

could bloody do it...But, I guess that's a paradox...I wanted to do

it for them...all of them," Spike said as he paced waiting for

something, anything -- change."The ceiling Goddesses?" Harris asked.

"No!" Spike snapped, "For all of the women in my life. The only

people that taught me about goodness and love...The only people that

ever wanted me, needed me, loved me...For all of the women I tried to

save and of course only destroyed because I'm nothing but a

buggering, selfish weak git."

He could list them all his sister, his mother, Dawn, Buffy, even

Drusilla, and now, now...Now he sank down the clean white wall and

sat on the nice white carpet.

"This is definitely a new speech," Harris said.

"And now it's happening again ... Did you want to teach me a lesson?

Remind me of what I really was? Fine! But, you bloody leave her out

of it! She's the kindest one, the most loving! You're wrong to not

want your Slayers that way!" Spike yelled to them. If only one of

them would at least speak to him it would be worth making them mad.

"Okay," Harris sighed, "Can you please stop doing that? Not only is

it insane and loud, it's confusing. What does this have to do with

Buffy jumping dimensions?" Harris asked as he had turned to face

Spike.

"Buffy jumping? Nothing, at least, I don't think. I was talking about

Faith. Faith is going to pay some horrible price because I bollocked

up again. It's not fair!"

"Loving? Kind? Those are interesting adjectives used to describe

Faith. I'd go for prickly and sassy," Harris said.

"You people," Spike laughed, "you're so blind."

"Only half-blind. The other eye can see Faith just fine, with the

almost killing us all, which is over I know, and she's a good Slayer--

really. She's...a buddy. But, then there is that hard-assed wall, not

that it's not a nice hot wall," Xander said.

"When Buffy left we were all out of sorts... Buffy told me to help

Faith, but I was in no shape to do it. Sure you an' Red checked in on

Dawn, but you were all falling apart," Spike said.

"How would you know? You just crawled into some hole somewhere,"

Xander said.

"But, I came out enough to know that you all crawled into holes here.

Did you ever want to fight again? Did you ever want to do anything

again?" Spike asked.

"The woman I loved died, and my best friend went away...forever...So,

I really wasn't up for any h par parties or fists to cuffs," Xander

stated.

"Who was it that dragged us out of our holes?" Spike demanded.

"I dunno it just happened, people get better -- move on. It's what we

do," Xander said.

"That's what she wants us to think," Spike found he was smiling.

"She? Is this a specific ceiling Goddess?" Xander asked.

"My God. It's a miracle that I never destroyed you all...Go over what

happened. Why did Dawnie even start talking to me again? She was

still very mad at me. How did you and Red get started up in it all

again? How is it that I'm sitting in your apartment now that Buffy is

gone? What holds us together?" Spike rolled his eyes.

"You don't have anywhere else to go because you killed people and

lied...and I don't have a date tonight so I might as well listen to

this?" Harris mused. Spike had learned to wait for a real answer.

"Well, Faith was training with Amanda who was friend's with Dawn, so

Dawn started get out there again. And Faith wanted you to train her

because your the only ensouled vampire in town......Then Kennedy was

friends with Faith and Faith needed Willow's help with magic...and I

was just -- just being--- being totally depressed and Faith suggested

that we go to that Strip bar...Alas, she didn't strip like I was

hoping. But she liked to watch the strippers. It was cool. Anyway,

we came across these vampires and I helped her fight them, and I

remembered how cool it could... heeeeeeey...Faith tricked us!"

"Wasn't that hard with the lot of you, apparently. But, me I figured

it all out. I told her. I said: 'I know what your up to.' She looked

at me all hurt at first," Spike smiled, "She argued about how she was

really only looking out for number one. She said we were all bloody

assets to her...as if you are an asset!"

"Hey, I saved the world just as much as you! You break things and I

fix them, and I didn't murder any of her boyfriend's family...I think

I win the asset game." Harris scoffed as he walked over grabbed the

bottle of Jack from Spike and drank now. Mentioning the lost women

they shared in ways made the boy jumpy. But, Spike had to do it to

make Harris see the girl they had now, right in front of them, was

divine, and in danger.

"We argued about it some and finally you know what she said... She

said: What do you want from me?... Why couldn't I want nothing?...

All of this could have worked if I wanted nothing, don't you see?"

Spike spoke slowly and lifted his head and then let it fall back

against the wall.

"Um, no...I'd like to blame it on the lack of an eye but..."

Spike sighed and rolled his eyes. Why was the boy so slow? Was it

part of his comedy routine? No.

"I came down here to heal Faith so she could have that demon. I chose

to. I've slowly been putting the pieces together from dreams or

recurring memories or visions or whatever it's fashionable to call

them these days. I understood that it was not Buffy I was going to be

saving. I really don't remember if I understood that the one I was to

be saving was Faith. I just knew it was a Slayer -- The Slayer -- as

I understood there could only be one even when there were two or

hundreds. It was all so clear up there, or wherever it bloody was. It

was my choice and I chose it, not for a prize, but because I wanted

to be apart of something greater and better than myself...Besides, I

could never turn down a chancehelphelp a lady...even in my big bad

days when I was helping them to their deaths it was because a part of

them called for it. Do you understand now?" Spike said.

"Yeah, and it was all good until that last part about being all

gentlemanly and helping women by murdering them. That kinda ruined

it," Harris said.

"Well, there's something we have in common. buggering stuff up with

women," Spike sighed and reached for the bottle of Jack like a

lumbering zombie.

"Why is it screwed up? You came down here to heal Faith when the

demon comes out and you've done that. Now they're taking the demon

out... It looks like someone doesn't want their 'Highway to Heaven'

mission to be over...And at least when I screw up with women they let

me back in again. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my

screw ups don't involve attempted rape and murder," The boy handed

him back the bottle. He had barley drank any. It was just a gesture.

A toast of misery to women dead or lost. There would be one more to

drink to if Spike didn't get his ass in gear.

"Probably, because it sure as Hell isn't your charm. And I did screw

up. One of the bits that came back to me is that this is a job that

is to be completed and it isn't completed. The demon isn't meant to

come out. I'm supposed to put all the healing in," Spike explained.

"So, just put all your white-lighter stuff inside of her after they

take the black shadow demon out. Maybe it'll fit better...God, that

sounded really wrong...I am beginning to see where Wood has a problem

with this. Well, besides the fact that you killed his Mom."

"No, it's not like that. It's a balance. The healing and the demon

work together one pulls on the other...There's no telling what will

happen if they try to remove it...and I know it's important that I

give her all the healing I have. That I finish the job."

"How do you know your not done? Maybe you did put all of the healing

in."

"No, I'll know when I'm done...Trust me there would be no way of

mistaking it. Watcher boy figuout out all the right numbers but he

doesn't understand the point of the math problem in the first place.

He figured out I was using my soul to heal her, but he doesn't

realize I'm not forcing anything on her. I'm just giving her the

power that is rightfully hers...giving it back to her. Like I used

the power of my soul to close the Hellmouth. That's why I didn't come

back as bloody human! I needed the power to do that from somewhere.

Couldn't very well get in from my balls if I were just human...All

power has a price, so I still had to be a vampire. I would have been

done soon. It was almost time...Now this. I just have to touch her

once more after she brings the demon out to play," Spike sighed. Then

he looked up at Harris.

"You. You have to find a way to help me...Get her to see this is all

wrong. Maybe we can set something up where your in mortal danger.

Then she'll pull the rabbit out of her hat. Since she goes down after

the demon comes out she'll have no choice but to let me near her,"

Spike gasped in hope now and rose quickly.

"Ho' whoa there horsey! As much as I love to be in mortal danger, I'm

really not the one to help you in your continuing quest to help you

get your hands on women who go down and don't want your hands on

them," Harris snorted.

"I really thought you were passed being such a petty bugger, boy.

You'd be saving her. That spell is no good. Once I'm done with the

healing the demon won't be a danger to her anymore," Spike sighed and

ran his hands through his hair.

"Let me get this straight. I'm going to risk my life so Faith will

come and save me, and then you can jump out and heal her. Why do I

have to risk my neck? Can't I just call her over here and you two can

fight it out?...Actually why don't I call her somewhere else? I like

fixing walls that aren't mine," Harris said.

"That won't bloody work. We need to get the demon out for me to

finish healing her... and she's getting more control over it, but it

will only come if someone she loves is in mortal danger. She needs me

to do this. I have to do this for her or things won't be right,"

Spike explained wearily.

"Well, that makes sense in a remains-of-the-Hellmouth way. But, we

know all these lies and deceit are absolutely necessary because..."

"Because I know it. I know it like I know the magic will go bad if

they use it to get the shadow demon out. You can't remove the essence

of the Slayer from the girl... I'm sure it's like removing her heart -

- her soul. And Wood and Nancy boy think they can do that. Huh, I try

to be do the respectable bloke bit. I never said a word against Wood.

I worked her hard so she could stay alive to be with him. Love is

sacrifice. That what I learned from Buffy. But, I was wrong to think

I could ever do anything good for any woman I loved. Even when my

love is pure it destroys them. It's poison," Spike sneered, but it

wasn't at Harris who he was looking at.

"Okay, number one, it sounds to me like you don't really KNOW

anything. Big surprise there. You just feel it. Everything could work

out fine. This spell thing could be how it was all supposed to go

down. Number two, love is never poison. Love can't be anything but

good, if it's real. It's the idiot actions that we do out of fear of

losing something we love that is the bullet. And that leads me to

point two A, if you follow along in your manual. If you feel that

your love has destroyed all your women it was really your idiot man-

boy actions that did it. So, in conclusion why not just stop acting

out, Mr. ADHD and start listening to your teachers."

"The teacher is you here? No thank you! I've seen what you lack of

action did. Not marrying Anya was the biggest bloody mistake you ever

made...At least I never went that low!" Spike scoffed.

"No, not me!" Harris scoffed back, "Faith is the teacher here...with

a big ruler, or a paddle maybe... Anyway, if she wants you to leave

her alone...Here's a brilliant idea -- leave her alone. Let her try

this spell with Wood and Wes...And what do you mean you never went

that low! There are a million comebacks I could have for that, but

they aren't coming to me. Wonder why? Maybe it's because you

mentioned my dead fiance.'"

"Well, what do want? For me to pretend like Anya never existed. To

ignore the fact that you haven't gotten any in two sodding years?

Maybe if we mentioned Anya like we mentioned Buffy you could move on

with love like you moved on with life. And I may have been a lot of

things in my day, but if I promised a woman something I damn well

delivered!"

"I can tell when I'm right. You become a total bitch and pull no

punches. Why don't you just let things happen with Faith? If

something goes wrong we'll be there to help," Harris said as he now

was turned away from Spike looking out the window. Looking for his

own second chance perhaps.

"You mean when -- when -- something goes wrong you don't know the man

that they are doing this spell with. Imagine Red gone dark and turned

into an old man that looked likes Saint Nick."

Then there was a banging on the door. An obnoxious banging, perhaps,

Harris was dating after all and this was his newest needy one. This

was much more bloody important! And, what a surprise the boy didn't

get it. Or perhaps he did get some of it with the whole "Love is

never poison" deal. That had been oddly comforting. But that and

$3.05 would get Spike a mocha. He didn't want a mocha, unless he

could get one for free from best friends he no longer had. He wanted

to get The sweet Slayer with the attitude away from the evil

mastermind.

POUND POUND POUND

POUND POUND POUND

POUND POUND POUND It sounded like the door was pounding in Spike's

head.

"Who is that? Some honey you've been hiding. Tell them to go away

this is important!" Spike grumbled as his eyes burned into the door.

"If I was hiding some honey do you think I'd tell her to go away for

this?"

Harris rose slowly. What? Was he expecting Spike to get the door

because he was right near it? This wasn't his flat. The last thing he

wanted was some whiny bint in his face. *Who are you? Where's Xander?

So, Xander would rather have a night out with the boys than call me! *

POUND POUND POUND...Pushy little Bitch.

"You'd drop anything for Buffy. Faith isn't Buffy, but she deserves

at least what she's given to you! You always manage to get pretty

ones, but somehow they are always so needy. Your friends become magic

addicts, or are robots and you are too busy to notice because your

girl wants to know why you never bloody talk!"

"I always did what Buffy wanted. I bet if I did what Faith wanted

right now it wouldn't involve listening to the guy who killed her

Man's mother whine. She'd probably want you out on your ass. I think

I'm liking this plan, as I'm guessing these are my new bitchy

neighbors that will want to know why there is a yelling English guy

in here keeping up their brat... Believe me when I say it's not some

pretty girl...in need," Harris babbled as pushed past Spike. He

strolled to the door an opened it. Spike decided to crash on the

couch hiding away from whatever was on the other side of the door.

"Oh, bugger! What now?" Spike demanded. He smelled a small amount of

blood. No one's blood he recognized. Whoever it was they'd live and

he didn't want to see them.

"Spike! I need Spike! Is he here?" a young voice demanded gruffly. It

was Connor. Blade would have to wait if he wanted to go out and pound

some demons. He was more than a decent fighter. Spike hoped he

realized everyone bled a little from time to time.

"Wha--" Harris began.

"I smell him. Move!" Connor spat. The boy knew Spike's smell? He must

have been trying to get it down to know it already. The only smells

Spike knew now where Buffy's, Faith's, the scoobys', and sodding

Angel's. Faith. Her smell was mixed with the Boy's. He must have seen-

-

The boy pushed Harris aside and Faith was laying in his arms. She was

down again. Her long hair tangled in the boy's arm, and some hung

over it. It was a chocolate honey whirlpool dark and light brown

mixing about. She looked like she was sleeping, but her heart beat

was weak. She had let the shadow demon out again. Spike rose.

"She brought it out again? After all that talk of wanting to be rid

of it? Why?" he demanded.

"You've-- You've gotta fix her. Just fix her, please. I fucking did

it again. I can't-- I can't even--" The boy's voice broke. His voice

was as weak as it had been rough with Harris. Connor couldn't look at

him. It was as if Spike was some great king and the boy hated himself

for not being able to stop this. The boy should only know how Spike

was thought of by the rest of the world. The world being made up of

Faith and the scoobys now.

"This isn't your fault," Spike said as he grabbed Faith from the boy.

She was cold and light, but solid. Always solid.

"Yes, it is...Again. Just, please, please, do it. I promise after I

see you do it...I'll be gone," Connor cried.

Spike had no time for this adolescent mellow drama, but he should say

something to get them ready for what he needed to do.

"Don't you go anywhere! She'll need you. She needs another fighter on

her side... and your gallant. She needs someone gallant. I thought

Wood would do, but he's lost in his own needs, like I was." The boy

looked at him with only worry for The Firecracker in his head. He

hadn't heard a word Spike said. Good. He would do brilliantly.

Spike turned to Harris who was probably going to be figuring all of

this in his head for a while.

"And you...I know I was saying you get distracted with the girls, but

you are always there. You always do what's right. Just keep at it,

even though Faith is only your drinking buddy."

Spike stood there with The Slayer in his arms and brought out what

she called for. The healing fires that only his soul could get

burning.

**********************************************************************

**********************************************************************

"It's time, love. It's for you this time."

Hot. Hot. Hot...After being so cold. Wake-up, bitch! Wake-up you

stupid whore! Can't you hear him? I KNOW you feel him. You always

feel him, though, don't you. You're always a slut no matter what you

do.

"Bloody stop it! This was my choice, and it's right. You call for me

and than you fight me!"

That's our girl. She always was a little cock tease. WAKE-UP, FAITH!

But she does want this one doesn't she. Yes, she does. She's a

selfish Evil bitch. DO YOU HEAR ME? Are you just gonna take that?

WAKE-UP and FIGHT!

This is what you wanted to wake up for. This is what you kept this

bit of me around for. Go 'head sleep -- sleep and burn. I don't care.

You don't really care. All the more power to you. It's your right.

It's what you deserve. This fucking lying monster burning his power

into you! Another one that could only love blondes. No one would

blame you if you just jumped into the fire...of his soul. He's back

at you. He wants things from you. He's got his hands on you while

you're weak. Don't they all do that? Isn't that what they live and

die for? You're gonna listen to him. Be a good girl, Firecracker. HA!

That's it! Wake-up and push it out. You tell him about choice. No

means no, my brotha!

**********************************************************************

Faith screamed or at least she thought she had. She opened her eyes

to Connor standing above her. He fell to his knees when he saw her

look at him.

"You're alive," he sobbed.

"Fuck me. You brought me to Spike, didn't you kid? I told you to

bring me to Red instead," Faith grumbled.

"Red!" Spike squawked from where ever he was, "Are you mad? And why

the hell are you throwing me off? And more importantly how?"

"Fuck you, Spike!" Faith spat.

"Right. But, at least your alive. You wouldn't be if you were away

from me much longer like it or not. Magic isn't going to take that

away. Not Red's magic and especially not Crowley's . But, you're

alive and that's all that matters."

Uh, yeah. She was and she had a huge headache and it wasn't because

Harris was saying:

"Umm...my couch is on fire. That's good, right? I mean, my couch is

on fire and you guys just flew to opposite ends of the room, so it

seems bad, but you're alive and you're okay. So, can I put the fire

out?....Anyone, feel free to answer...just shout out at anytime."

"Yes, put it out! Are you a moron!" Faith snapped as she confirmed

where she was and what had just happened.

"Ah, Miss Loving-Kindness is back," Harris sighed as he went to grab

a fire extinguisher.

"Well, why wouldn't you put a fire out in your place?" Faith snapped

knowing Harris had meant her and that it was some kind of joke.

"Well, I dunno. Maybe it'ke ake a magic fire and if you put it out

you would die. I've just learned the hard way to touch nothing." He

said as he put the fire out. He looked like he could be a fireman if

he wasn't wearing that monkey-suit. He was a real grown-up now. Who

had a fire extinguisher in his kitchen.

"Good idea for all of you!" Faith snapped as she rose.

"So, what's with the fire? That's new, and hmm...Fire's not so pretty

when it's on my couch. It's more of outdoorsy thing," Harris was

sighing as Faith forced herself to run to where Spike was laying.

.

"You!" She kicked him in the balls. She was only at human strength

now and she had seen him take more. Besides, she was a bitch.

"You keep you're fucking murdering lying hands off me!" She screamed.

He looked up at her with that face. The one where his dog just died,

or B had just gone away forever. The one where his world was sinking

into quick sand and all he could do was go down with it. She looked

away from him.

"I didn't see that coming," Harris sighed knowingly. But there was no

way he could know what it was like for someone to chose something

without having your say. Oh wait, he did know what that was like.

Faith had showed him. She WAS a bitch.

"But, you'd die without him," Connor pleaded. He was at the door. He

had been going to make a silent disappearance. Just like his Dad

would.

"Where do you think you're going? I oughta beat your ass into the

ground!" She slapped the little shit across the face.

"Okay, I really didn't see that coming," Harris said seriously. She

didn't have time to explain to Harris that Faith wasn't picking on

the kid. The kid and Faith were cut from the same cloth, and she had

to tear a piece of out of him or else.

"I-I am sorry. I never thought you would be there. I thought you

would be home getting better. Your friend said you didn't want to see

anyone. But I knew-- I knew it was just me. I knew Angel and Spike

were there with you. That's why I picked tonight to do it. You

weren't supposed to be there," Connor cried.

"Well, you sure damned lucky I was there!" She roared.

"No! I knew what I was doing! This has to end! I'm dangerous...I've

gotten you almost raped and killed. Ask me what else I've done to

other girls? Angel knew, but he didn't have the balls to kill me."

Connor said.

"No balls! You're Dad practically sold himself to the devil so you

could live. And you want to throw it all away. I think I know who has

the lack of balls. Sit the fuck down!" Faith felt the rage thunder

out of her throat.

"Apparently, you know I have them. Bloody hell!" Spike coughed and

rose. Maybe that statement had more than two meanings. Did Spike know

what he was trying to do to Faith? Did he know Faith knew?

"I was really hoping that would keep you speechless a little longer.

Too bad I'm at human strength," she sniped.

"Well, if you do that spell you'll be there forever. You have no

sense! At least the boy does. He brought you to me," he sighed, still

in pain. She knew when he was in pain, his body got stiffer, his eyes

narrowed. It was the same as when he was pissed.

"Ha, I wish one of you had sense. I think Blade has even less than

you! He was trying to off himself. Luckily, he was doing it in this

wicked retarded Gladiator way. He took on like 50 power house demons.

They were on there way to beating him to death when I got a call from

Willy. At first I thought it was just Blade being stupid biting off

more than he could chew. But, I recognize Kamikaze when I see it.

Like looking into a mirror. I just let the demon rage and I killed

them all. Lemme tell ya, I'll be glad for the days when I see taking

on a bunch of demons as a good idea as a distant memory."

"Is this true?" Spike demanded. If Spike was going to get on Connor

about putting Faith in danger she would lose it. She could take care

of herself. She was the Slayer, and even when she wasn't she had done

it.

"Bloody Hell, Blade--- Connor. Look, I know I said not taking the

pills to forget the truth took stones, but if you're that torn up

about it take the damn things. Why do you think I gave them to you?

You are a good kid with a good family. You protected your sister.

There's no shame in who you were," Spike said.

"But, there's shame is who I really am. Shit loads of shame, which

would be fine if it was just about me. But, if I go back to Boston,

or Sacramento and make myself forget it'll just come out in some

other way. How long do you think it's gonna take for me to hurt

someone else? I thought you were the one that understood that magic

doesn't work. But, you don't get it either," Connor said.

"Why do you think you are so bloody special? 'Oh boo-hoo no one could

possibly ever understand me or been through what I have. I'm the only

boy that has a killer in me. It's too hard' Hello, vampire here! You

think it's easy having a soul remembering who I was and what I was

and what I still am. You don't think part of me smells your blood and

wants to suck your pretty boy ass dry? I'm getting right sick of

this teen-age crap from you, Blade. You're just like your old man in

that respect."

Spike DID NOT want to suck Connor dry. Did he? No, he was just

exaggerating to prove his point as always. He walked over and stood

next to Faith just close enough to not touch her. But, his eyes never

left Connor. Faith and Spike were both bitch slap distance from the

kid. He hadn't moved away after Faith hit him. Faith knew part of her

wanted to beat the kid's ass for what he tried to do. She probably

would have if was was at Slayer strength, but had to settle for the

bitch slap. She WOULD make a horrible Mom. But Spike... He could

actually pay attention to more than one thing. Good to know.

Sometimes it seemed like he couldn't. He just get mad obsessed with

one person or thing. He is crazy into B, and now he is crazy into

Faith and this demon thing. Not that he was into Faith, he was just

his into getting things his way with the demon and all. It was his

new thing he was mad obsessed with. Faith could see it because she

was that way too. She'd get an idea in her head and would die to see

it through because she was sure she was right. But, she knew now she

could be wrong, like when she got that "I am evil" thing in her head.

Spike was wrong about this demon. But, he could be wrong and obsessed

about Faith's demon and care about Connor while he did it. When she

got the revenge idea in her head she didn't even care about herself,

let alone anyone else. Spike was better than Faith had been, even if

he had killed Robin's Mom... And lied. He fucking lied.

"Don't you see that I am like Angel...in many respects. I've been

reading while I've been in that company of his. It's all exactly like

I thought -- like I remembered. I was born to create nng bng but

destruction. Look at what I'm doing when I try to do good. Imagine if

I actually went to the dark side of the force! It's gonna happen. It

was happening when Angel did the spell and put my with my parents---

not my parents--- the Fox's who never asked for me. Angel couldn't

handle me. How the hell could my family handle any of this? That's

why I'm trying to do what he couldn't. End it," Connor said.

Great. Connor was another one. Not exactly like Spike with the face,

but definitely not like Dad in this department. He was telling them

all this with tears running down his face and more unspilt ones in

his eyes. Maybe he thought it would help if he managed to keep his

face looking like stone like his Dad would. It didn't. Not with the

tears and the voice giving it all away. It would have hurt Faith

less if that bunch of demons beat her up. Even in human strength

she'd be less thrown. She could totally see the value in being

obsessed with one thing at a time. Caring about all these different

people sucked. The needs of one of them always seemed to get strung

up and tangled in the needs of another one. It was like a car wreck.

"Okay. Fine," she heard Spike say, "You want to end it. I'll bloody

do it. At least I get to put an end to something."

"What?" Faith roared. So, Spike was turning on Connor too, like Faith

had turned on Buffy. Spike stepped up even closer Connor bow-leggidly

probably because his balls were still hurting. He hadn't even begun

to know hurt.

"Fine. You should have done it when we first met like I told you.

Look at all the trouble it would have saved. Faith would be fine,"

Connor sneered at Spike now. She didn't know he could carry such a

hateful expression on that baby face.

"The only people who aren't fine in this room are two two pricks!

Spike you aren't touching the kid!" Faith commanded.

"He's asking for it. So, I'll give him what he asks. He knows I have

more stones than dear old Dad," Spike said not taking his eyes off

Connor. The two of them is some kind of testosterone staring contest.

Of course, women had some testosterone in them too. She had been in a

similar staring contest with Angel when she was about Connor's age.

Angel.

"Spike! You mother fucker! I really don't know you at all, do I? All

you care about is hurting Angel. Is that the only reason decided to

wake-up from the dead?" she demanded.

"I didn't wake-up, Slayer. I rose out of bits of ash. I burnt up

backwards... It was a bit more painful than jumping out of a cozy

bed. But, I bloody chose it. And I chose it for a good sodding reason

and if I don't get to do what I set out, I'll be damned if I'm not

gonna do something else just as fun."

"Okay, but can we not do it in my apartment. The rugs are white,"

Harris said softly.

"Do it." Connor spat, "Angel really won't be pissed. He'll just wear

his pissed off mask because he'll think that's what's right...Then

he'll have an excuse to kill you. Both dudes that took his women

gone. It'll be nice and neat how he likes it. Maybe that was his plan

all along."

"And I thought you new the old man," Spike giggled, "He's not capable

of that kind of planing. But, we are, aren't we?"

"Shut-up!" Faith yelled at stuck her face between the two men. She

wasn't even going to try to push apart. She couldn't in this state.

"But, honestly, if you had planned ahead this it wouldn't be taking

place in my apartment. He's like half-vampire, right? Will he dust?"

Harris asked.

"We'll find out, Dude," Connor said not taking his eyes off Spike. He

laughed crazily. "Do it, Soul-boy Junior. Stake the day-walker. I'll

be a great notch in your belt."

"Oh, whose the real junior will this Drama Queen crap? And you aren't

a bloody day walker. You were born with a whole soul and you're still

holding on to it," Spike grumbled.

"And you think you're gonna kill him? You think I'm outta the game

because I don't have Slayer power? I won't be ignored. If you want to

kill him you'll have to go through me with that stake first and if I

get left alive I'll kill you myself," Faith yelled and made Spike

look at her and got her ass between them somehow.

"C'mon Faith! You just set my couch on fire. Now you want to bleed on

it too. New house rule: a person can only manifest one damaging

substance into my apartment per visit, and that includes blood,"

Harris said.

"It's what I want, Faith. Okay, it's better," Connor said gently to

her.

"No, it's not! Even if you think it's better for your sorry ass you

are wrong," Faith spat.

"It certainly wouldn't have been better for Dawn if I had done it the

day I met you," Spike sighed.

"That's not true. I do nothing but upset Dawn. We may both have fake

memories but, she knows how to be a real good person," Connor said.

"I don't give a toss about your false memory trauma! So, you have

your life and a couple of pleasant memories that never happened, like

good dream. I'm wasting no tears for you, Blade. I meant you saved

Dawn's life. You killed that uber-vamp that was after her, if not for

you Dawnie would be a real memory for the lot of us," Spike said.

Faith looked at Spike with a furrowed brow. What was his dead-brain

on now? Faith could fell her pounding heart slow. She felt a zing of

that feeling of when you found something you thought you lost

forever. Faith did know Spike's style. He was a talker, but if he was

going to kill he didn't start bringing up something heroic the killie

had done.

"Great.. and I'm sure they'll be more good times when something

happens and I get her killed," Connor said.

"You think you got it in you to go dark like the old man," Spike

stated this. He didn't ask it.

"That's bull--" Faith began.

"I know I do. I have...I'm worse then him. All I ever was was a dupe

set-up to bring about darkness. I'm just destined to bring bad things

out. Look what happens even when I'm the right side? You have no

idea."

"Umm....Son of Angel, I forgot your real name. You have met Spike and

Faith, right?" Harris said cautiously.

"Destiny is crap!" Faith said.

"Even if you think that it is, what about heredity and nature? Over

fifty percent of people born from schizophrenic parents get it too.

I've had time at Wolfram to look up the stats on people born of evil

parents. My odds aren't good, Faith," he sighed.

"Well, if you think like that a prophecy is gonna come true," Spike

said.

"There is another prophecy about me? A bad one, right?" Connor asked.

"There sure is, and it's the kind that always are dead on...a self

fulfilling prophecy," Spike said.

"That's cute. You had me there," Connor laughed sardonically. Faith

new what that meant. Her prison shrink had taught her a lot of cute

phrases.

"I went to university too. I can bring out the introduction psych.

stuff just like you. Of course when I went they thought all crazies

came from bad breeding. It was bollucks then and it's bollucks now ,"

Spike said tapping his head.

"You went to college?" Harris asked. Faith looked at Xander in

surprise. Of course Spike had gone to college. He had went to some

fancy one too. But, he still stayed home. His Mom was sick. Didn't

the Scoobys know anything about Spike?

"Don't start with me, Okay. I was bored in college and now I'm bored

with you. Nature versus nurture...sociobiology or

deconstructionism...evil or crazy it all leads to the same road for

me, Chief. Just shut-up and kill me," Connor said walking around

Faith to push Spike.

"Sorry I am so boring, but you have to work for what you want. Daddy

spoiled you by handing you those memories," Spike said. So, of course

the kid clocked him. That familiar smacking crunching sound. Spike

smiled that crooked stiff chinned smile as his mouth bled.

"Not happening!" Faith ordered as she stepped in front of Spike.

Spike had reached behind her and grabbed something. She turned and

saw it was Connor's fist that would have hit in tin the back of the

head. At human strength it would have knocked her unconscious. Hey,

if that's what it would have taken to break whatever this was up,

she'd do it. It wasn't like she hadn't been comatose before. This

would only be the second time today.

"See!" Connor yelped now his voice filling up with emotion. "Even

when I'm trying to the right thing I hurt the people I'm trying to

protect. I'm dangerous. Kill me, or I'll just do it myself."

"Sweetie--" Faith began turning back to the boy and touching his

face. The boy softened and was hugging her bone-crushingly hard. So,

this was how it would feel if she ever used her strength and over-

hugged someone. She kind of liked it, but she was a freak and had to

remember most people wouldn't. But, in a few days it wouldn't matter.

"Just let me go, okay. It's what my father really wanted. I'll do it.

Just let me go," he cried.

"No," Spike sighed coolly, "I'll do it."

"Spike!" Faith hissed. She felt something in her draining -- dying.

It was a familiar feeling. It was a feeling she had learned early.

She had every time her Mom fell of the wagon. But that was nothing,

the things that caused her to feel it after that made Mom's drinking

look like a trip to Disney Land. Faith didn't even know she had

anything left to drain, until tonight when she had found out Spike

had killed Robin's mother. Now she was leaking fluid all over the

place she didn't know she had.

"I'll do it, when you go dark. When you turn evil; I'll kill you.

It's only fair. I promised your Dad the same, and I don't even like

him," Spike sighed

"You don't understand. It's not about choice for me. It'll just

happen. I'm hurting people now. Angelus is my father. Darla is my

mother. I know you know them, Spike. I read about the things you did

with them," Connor said as he still was clutching Faith.

"You did, didn't you? I prolly was the best killer of young cuts of

veal like you in my day. I was a serial killer of teens long before

they had the term 'teen'... or the term 'serial killer' come to think

of it. Bloody Hell! I never get any notoriety and I bloody worked my

ass off for it, boy" Spike smiled fondly.

"You fucking asshole! Was Robin's Mom sassy?" Faith grunted and

punched him. She sort of surprised herself. This was nothing she

didn't know. Nothing he hadn't told her. But, it wasn't what he was

saying. It was how he was saying it. Spike could say the same thing

in more ways than any person she had ever known. This probably wasn't

a vampire skill. Angel didn't seem to have it.

"Ah, ah, ah Firecracker. If you tell me your secrets, I'll tell you

mine. How are you able to throw me off of you like that when I am

trying to heal you? Why are you doing it?"

"I'll kill you before I let you heal me again," Was all she said.

"I heard that one already. It explains nothing. So you get nothing on

me an' Nikki accept that, yes, she was sassy even though she had just

said good-bye to her teens...like you. It's a pity so many Wendy's

leave Never-Never Land and lose that fire," Spike said. Nikki. He

called her by her first name. Darling Nikki. Was that how he saw her?

Faith really wished the Prince song about the nympho named Nikki

would exit her head right now.

"Why-why are you guys fighting? It isn't just about me?" Connor asked

in confusion.

"You mean Watcher boy hasn't printed the newsletter? Back when I was

a big bad I killed Faith's Man's Mum--- a Slayer," Spike snipped.

"Your blaming Wes! You had two fucking years to 'fess up!" Faith said

in ked ked rage.

"You--you killed the Principal's mother?" Connor gasped.

"Aw, c'mon, Blade. You musta read all about it. Don't you think all

of the people I killed had family? You may be the only one with two

sets of parents, but...actually prolly a lot of them had two sets of

parents. Unlike Angel I was killing into the nineties and everyone

seems to have a step parent or two nowadays. I was a horrible man not

too long ago. I could have stayed on that path but I chose to be

good. I fought to be good even...Albeit, I did it for completely

selfish reasons, and as you can see from Fi's pretty face all twisted

up in hate-- I screw up. A lot. Sometimes my decisions could be

better."

"Amen to that!" Harris said.

"But, unlike some vampires with souls who are fighting on the side of

good, I always seem to make the right decision when it really counts.

I'm sure I'll bollocks up again, but I try, I chose, I bloody work...

and I always seem to end up doing more good than harm. As long as

that's true I'll stick around this mud ball..and so will you. Until

you chose to go the other way and really become the big bad, I'm not

touching ya. You want me to kill you- you have to bloody work for it.

I'm not your rich Daddy, none of my candy is free. And since I'm so

busy working my bloody ass of to be the big good now, I'll prolly

work to keep your whiny ass alive, " Spike smiled.

Everyone was actually quiet for a second. But, Faith knew silence

didn't stand a chance around Spike. She had to gather all she was

going to do and say fast. It wasn't fair. All of these plans and

words and annoying smart ass Brit phrases just came flying out of his

mouth with no effort. Worked for it, her ass! Faith was the one

working off that ass just to keep up with him. And she had to do

better than that, she had to stay a head of him.

"And what of you?" he began.

"What of me?" she snarled. "We aren't gonna talk about me. We are

gonna talk about you and Blade,"

"Oh really?" he said with folded arms, "And who will be leading this

discussion? A twenty something year old cashier that is destined to

be a housewife popping out pretty little babies in her pretty little

house in the valley?"

"I don't believe in destiny. But that one sounds pretty sweet to me

compared to anything I ever expected. I'd take it with a coke and a

smile."

"Well, you not gonna get it. Magic doesn't work like that. Can't you

learn from others' experience like Red with bringing Buffy back and

the Slayer sharing spell.. and right in front of you is Connor here

with the memory spell."

"She doesn't need other people's examples. She could learn from her

own experience with Angelus and the Orpheus." Connor said.

"Wha? Orpheus? What the--" Spike began but Faith quickly cut him off.

"I have another great experience I'm learning from. Give some people

an inch and they'll take a mile. Ya know, when I realized I was gonna

be on my own with this Slayer gig, I was really bummed. I was never

the class president type. I really wanted the couple hundred of us

running around out there. We could break up into gangs and roam all

around, like the little rascals, or the 'Goonies', only all girls and

way more hot and kick ass. But, then that didn't happen. I felt

really alone. Again, I wasn't the born-leader type...I was more of

the loner in the back of the room carving the desk up with my knife,

or the one that made the obnoxious comment to the teacher," Faith

said.

"I admi--" Spike began.

"SHUT-UP. You had your little scared straight speech and now I'm

gonna have mine! You owe me at least that much!" Faith yelled.

"I saw what being Lone Slayer girl did to B, and I know I'm no B. She

was fun, sweet, even, but she got hard all the years on her own. That

was probably more my fault then I realized until now. But, me being

out for me, as usual. I didn't want to get burned out... I thought we

could be nonhierarchical, anarchistic, in the political sense of the

word. Not the going crazy party sense of the word, like I would wish.

See, you don't have to go to college to learn these big words you can

just hang around smart people or watch the History channel and some

of it will stick," Faith couldn't help but smile when Harris raised

his hand.

"What if you don't do any of those things? Then how do you get

what's going on?" he asked.

"Well, I know you've had sex, Kitten. More importantly, you've had

sex with me. So, I'll put it in a way we all will understand," Faith

smiled.

"You had sex with him?" Connor gasped.

"I was stupid to forget that real life isn't a Steven Spielburg

movie. Real life pretty much boils down to the elements of screwing.

There always has to be someone on top, and that means there always

has to be someone on the bottom. And while I'm not claiming to be

chairman material, I will NOT be topped. No one makes my decisions

for me! I've been makin' my own almost all my life, and I made

mistakes too, but they were mine. And I will not have you-- a person

who has fucking lied to me from day one, make my decisions!" she

growled at Spike.

"I'm not, Love. I would never---"

"There was this one time though. This one time, where I wanted to

die. But, I wanted it to be in a way I thought I deserved. So, I

chased down this vampire to kill me, and he wouldn't do it."

"A vampire wouldn't kill you?" Harris asked bemused.

"It was Angel, you drooling Sod!" Spike said through gritted teeth.

"Oh, yeah, this story,"Harris affirmed.

"It was the best decision I didn't get to make...So, I'm not going to

let you make it either. Now, I want you to stay here with Harris. I'm

going in the hall to have a talk with Spike," she said firmly to

Connor.

Faith went out into the apartment hall. Until this building, she

didn't realize apartment halls could be so big, yet clean and homey.

Until this apartment, she didn't realize this about apartments either.

"What was that about Orpheu---" Spike began yet again.

"And I'm not letting your lame ass make that decision for Connor, but

I am going to tell your ass what to do, and you're going to listen!

If either Connor or Angel turns evil I'll be the one to decide when

they go down-- not you! Do you understand me, Spike?"

"No, how are you going take them down if you have the demon

removed...your Slayer power? It's gonna take more than a kick in the

stones and a commanding voice. Unless you're not removing the demon

after all," he smiled triumphantly for a second, "I knew you couldn't

leave the game, Love. I know you."

Yep, he could be really really thick sometimes.

"Oh, no you don't. I can't wait to get this murderous thing outta

me...just like I can't wait for your lying ass soul to stop touching

me. But, I am staying in the game. I figure I was chosen for a

reason. Wnew new it was for my wonderful idiot watching skills to

make sure you boys don't fuck everything up?"

"I'm fucking up? I'm bloody fucking up? You're the one going to the

master of the dark arts to have your power taken away from you to

please your man! How are you going to stay in the game powerless? Let

me tell you something about Alistair Crow--"

"I am NOT doing it to please anyone but myself. It's my choice --

mine! My body! My life! Do, you understand?" She had went to shove

him against the wall and it felt like she was trying to shove the

ground away from her feet. So, she grabbed at him and started

pinching. That's what she learned in her first foster home. To her

surprise the parts she grabbed were his nipples.

"Ow! ow! OW!" he yelped. Okay, good. Whatever worked.

"I'll take that as a 'yes.' I figure I was chosen, so I chose to take

the shadow demon out of me and I chose to stay in the game and watch

over you beef jerkies and have my input, my say...Harris does it. Wes

does it. Gunn does it. That skinny girl that used to be with Gunn

does it," she told him this firmly. She had been thinking of all

these examples in her head.

"Don't get me started on Watcher Boy and no one listens to Harris,

Love... and Gunn seems to be messing around with magic like you which

we only lead to trouble, and, well I guess, there is that cute Fred.

But, she has some kind of science brain," he retorted in pain Of Of course he didn't think she was smart enough. She could understand

that, but she always did have something before Slayer stuff. It

wasn't smarts but it would do.

"Well, I have a making--men--do- what-- I--want brain and you ARE

gonna listen to me. You aren't to leave Connor alone for a second

until I say so. You aren't going to let the kid hurt himself in any

way, shape, or form. You're not going to sit on your ass waiting for

him to screw up so you can po on on him. You're going to help him!"

"Of course, Love. I told you I have the boy's back," he said and took

her hands off of his nipples, "Bloody Hell!" he sighed in relief.

Of course, the getting men to do what she wanted trick only lasted so

long and they always copped out in the end. Also, it didn't seemed to

work with ensouled vamps.

"Why should I fucking believe anything you ever tell me?" Faith heard

her voice become shrill in that way that she hated. He was still

holding her hands as she was trying to pull them away.

"I never lied to you, Faith! I told you I killed two Slayers," he

said seriously. Some woman went by with perfect blonde hair and a

gray suit. She had a baby in a stroller. Faith recognized them from

starbucks. The woman was a Grande half-cafe non-fat latte...God, she

had to find another job. The woman did that thing that type of woman

does where she was glaring at them with her body but not her eyes.

"S'Okay, it was a long time ago," Spike smiled at the woman

uncomfortably. Was that his idea of undercover? He really couldn't

lie. Wait, yes he fucking could.

"It is not Okay. You killed the man I love's mother. You ruined his

life!" Faith snarled. The woman had slammed the door.

"But, I never lied to you. And I couldn't have completely ruin his

life. He has you, hasn't he?" he said this softly now.

"Very charming, English... But, I can't trust you anymore," she

laughed bitterly. She could see the type of serial kind of killer he

had been. Ted Bundy. You do be the pittyest dark haired girl. May I

walk you home? At least Angelus gave it to you straight.

"Then how can you trust me to do what you say with the boy?" he

smirked. What did he want from her? Always something. Did he want her

to admit she trusted him with Connor? He knew she did, but wanted to

hear her say it. He wouldn't win this game.

"Because if you don't I'll kill you," she told him. He jerked his

head back like she had tweaked him in the forehead. Then he seemed to

recover and return her glare.

"I'd like to see you try. After you take the demon out you can do it

with your icy glare," he snorted.

"If the kid has a scratch on him and I have no more Slayer power, I

know a really powerful vampire with a hell of a lot of money that

would love to take you out for it...or for any other reason that I

say," she said lowly and steadily, even though something was high and

shaky in her throat.

"Well..." was he was actually searching for words? "There is that."

"See, I have this world down. It's not what you know; it's who you

know, and I'm sick of knowing you," she told him.

He actually stood there speechless, and-no-she was not going to turn

away from him even if he had that my Mama-just-died-face on. He had

killed Mamas hundreds more than Robin's, and he had lied. Nothing

else should matter -- did matter---except for...

"But, I'll stomach knowing you for the sake of Angel's kid," she

said and this was when she turned away from him and walked down the

pretty hall that she had been carried down by Connor before. There

would be no more of that.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

-----------------------------------------------------

Connor was listening to Faith and Spike shouting in the hall. Spike

thought Faith was wrong to want to take her demon out with magic.

Faith was mad because Spike never told her that he had killed the

Principal's mother, who had been the second Slayer Spike killed. Yes,

Connor had read about Spike killing that Slayer, skimmed really, he

had read about the first Slayer Spike had killed in more detail. He

had wanted to read about that one because his mother and father had

been with Spike then. He read whunghungry horror about how his

parents fed off the chaos of the Boxer rebellion. Connor's mother

seemed to like men to eat -- men and the occasional pretty

prostitute. Angelus was a bit different. He seem to have a thing for

young girls -- nuns and virgins. The girl Connor had killed to bring

what he thought was going to be his child into the world had probably

been a virgin. He had recovered the memories of that girl in full --

how she kept asking for her Mom.

Spike had just reminded him how everyone he killed had a family-- a

Mom. He had even made a joke about how a lot of his victims had two

sets of parents like him. It had pissed Faith off. She was so pissed

at both of them. Maybe part of the reason Faith was pissed was

because she knew that Connor didn't care about all the people Spike

had killed. Not really. He had read the files over and over about his

parents and Spike being monsters, and he had read over and over how

Spike decided to get a soul, and how Angelus was cursed with one, and

how his mother had shared his ... and it made her kill herself. These

were the only things he seemed to care about. He wished he could make

himself care about more. He wished he could care about his parents --

The parents Angel had given him -- not Angel and Darla. He had loved

Cordy, even when he couldn't remember her. His dream girl. But, he

knew that love was twisted and wrong. Nothing good came out of it.

Angelus had reminded him how Cordy was like a mother to him. **So,

you want to screw your mother and kill your father. There should be a

play.** At the time Connor being the backwoods inter-dimensional

idiot he was didn't get the reference. Of course he did now. Good

one, Dad. Who knew Angelus read Greek tragedy in his spare time.

Oedipus, the dude had done everything he could to change his fate,

and that was what made it happen. Yeah, Connor had more parents than

anyone, and yet he had none.

"So, um, Yohoo?" the guy whose place he was in said. It took Connor a

second to realize the guy was offering him the drink, and not just

trying to get his attention. Connor had a Pre-fake-memory Pop-Culture

Retard moment there for a second.

He shook his head.

"Good. I just realized, I'd have to make you promise not to break the

glass and cut yourself. Not that would work," The guy said nervously

with his hands up. Connor had nothing to say to guy guy. His

ordinariness annoyed him. He had a nice place, probably a good real

family somewhere. He obviously had no problem getting women. This guy

had sex with Faith! Why was he involved in this? To get cool women?

Connor just glared at him.

"Sorry, sorry. I'm not used to dealing with suicidal people. I mostly

deal with the homicidal. Although sometimes they are both...They want

to take out the whole world and themselves with it...You know how it

is," The guy was still talking.

Yes, Connor felt he could become suicidal/homicidal if this guy kept

blabbing.

"You took down someone that wanted to end the world?" Connor snorted.

"Yeah," the guy shrugged, "well, I didn't take them down. I saved

them...along with the world."

"Why? Why would you save someone that was trying to end the world?"

Connor grunted.

"They were my best friend. Still are. Some people just get a little

off track, but that doesn't mean they're lost forever... Unless, ya

know, they destroy themselves, or the world. If they do either of

those two things, forget it, then you really can't save them," he

said.

Spike came back into the apartment. He actually came in quietly and

shut the door with barely a sound. If Connor didn't have the hearing

maybe he wouldn't have heard it. Spike's face looked tense, but at

tame ame time he was slumped.

"Where's Faith? Is she okay?" Connor demanded.

"For now. She went off to be with her man. She has preparing to do

for the big day, I imagine," Spike sighed.

"She's going to have the demon removed with magic? Why? Because she's

mad at you?" Connor asked.

Spike and Faith's fighting had shaken him in a way he thought he was

too numb to feel.

"Partly. I admit I screwed the pooch on this, Kid. But, it really

doesn't help that I have her man and that poncey Ex-watcher against

me takin' her to the darkest warlock this side of the world," Spike

said.

"Wesley? Why would he do that? Why does he care if you are healing

her?" Connor asked.

"All Watchers have a thing about control. This is one lesson I didn't

bloody need to learn twice. Who the Hell does that ponce think he is?

I've been working with her for nearly two years and I've never seen

his face until now. He comes in and turns he against me so he can

fill her up with black magic." Spike said.

"He's not filling her up with black magic, that Alistair guy is...I

mean, Wes just wants to take the demon out or Faith could die. Let's

not forget that the Slayers that had the demon put in them before

went on a killing spree before dying. Looks like tonight has a

sucidal/homicidal theme... I say tomorrow should be movie night," the

guy said.

"Harris, Faitn't n't going to go dark and she isn't going to die. She

isn't like the other Slayers. They did all that in weeks of getting

the demon. Faith held it in her for a year and a half. And now that

it's out she has me to heal her," Spike insisted.

"Well, you know I never doubt your super-kiss-it-better-abilities,

but maybe Wes does. Maybe he'd rather play it safe, and just get the

demon out of her while she IS alive and not killing people," the guy

said.

"Playing it safe, my ass! How many times do I have to tell you all

the man they have called in to do this is bloody evil with a

capital 'E?' That rhymes with 'T' that stands for 'trample'....which

is what I want to do to bloody Watcher-Boy's head!" Spike roared as

he gripped the back of the couch.

"I can't imagine why Wes wouldn't trust you, and why he trusts

Faith's boyfriend, the guy who loves her, who doesn't want to do any

head trampling, to bring that Alistair guy in to do the magic

thing, " The guy sighed sarcastically.

"It doesn't matter! Wesley should know better than to use magic on

Faith again. The last time he did it she almost died. I tried to

convince myself she was doing the right thing like you. But, she

wasn't. Magic just fucks with you...I can't believe Wes is taking her

back to it," Connor spat.

"Back it up there, boy. You mean the ponce has played with Faith and

the magics before? Why?" Spike demanded.
ah, ah, he shot Faith full of Orpheus and she let Angelus bite her, so

he'd go down. It worked. If it hadn't we'd have had to kill Angel.

The problem was that Faith went down with him. Literally and

figuratively," Connor grumbled. He remembered Wes carrying Faith into

the hotel bitten and bleeding. He had a this stone face on as if he

had nothing to do with it.

"WHAT? He shot her up with Bloody Orpheus and had her get Angelus to

bloody--- I should have known that HE had his hand in

that...Angelus's teeth on my-- on Faith. Sodding Orpheus, Enough to

make Angelus go down after he bit her...That would kill a

motherfucking elephant!" Spike roared. He was in demon face. Connor

didn't flinch or turn away in the slightest like he had the first

time he'd seen it.

"Okay, I'm really beginning to hate sucidal/homical theme night even

more. Maybe you guys could stop with this theme? I really don't need

to hear about Faith going down on Angelus because EW! Was she trying

to give him a moment of true happiness so he'd turn back into Angel.

It doesn't work like that, does it?" The guy said calmly. Connor

noticed he hadn't flinched from Spike's demon face either.

"The boy doesn't mean that Faith had any kind of rough and tumble

with Angelus...he means that Angelus followed her down into hell and

toyed with her as she was bloody dying! I'd almost rather them

shag,..Oh, and get your mind out of the gutter you bloody

idiot!"Spike roared.

"Right, I didn't mean Faith went down--- God! But, she did almost

die, and she did battle Angelus in her mind or something...Magic is

really all just a mind fuck, isn't it? And Wes and Angel love using

it. I wonder if Wes helped Angel use the memory spell on me," Connor

sighed.

"I think it's time me and Angel's head-boy had a little talk," Spike

smirked now.

"Right, because NOW's a great time for one of your swell brash moves.

Faith will love that. Speaking of Faith, I really don't see her as

saying 'yes sir' to Wesley's orders on killing herself to save Angel.

I also really don't Faith tth taking orders from anyone on anything,

even if it was to NOT kill herself for Angel. One thing I know about

Faith, she knows what she wants and she'll do anything to get it,"

the guy said.

"But, she doesn't necessarily know HOW to get what she wants...What

girl fresh out of a non-mystical jail knows about bloody Orpheus?

What would she know t hot how to take down Angelus after years of

being out of practice? Bloody nothing! Accept what her deadbeat

her her tells her!" Spike spat.

"Well, Wes did have to know something...I mean it all worked out

okay. We have Angel and Faith, alive and all big and bad. Well, we

have them all big and good...and Angel isn't technically alive, but--"

"The only reason that Faith is alive is because she is special.

Everyone thought she was going to die, including Wesley. He thought

he was sacrificing Faith to save Angel. I don't know why..... Faith

is as much a champion as Angel," Connor grumbled.

"Maybe even more considering she manages to keep track of her soul at

all times...though she does go a little postal with it at times, and

Angel has helped her out with---" the guy was interrupted by growling

and smashing glass. It was Spike throwing a bottle into the wall in

demon face again.

"What I say? Why are we going all pissed off rock star? Not that it's

a great leap for--- Oh pooh, you are totally going to kill Wes,

aren't you? I guess it wouldn't help to mention that Faith wouldn't

like that being that Wes was ready to sacrifice her for Angel, and

that he now has he another risky plan...would it? " the guy asked.

"Stay here," Spike said to Connor in demon face. Stay here? With this

dude? No way. If Spike was gonna do something to stop Wes from

hurting Faith, Connor was going to be a part of it.

"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, Charles Bronson!" the guy said leaping in front of

Spike, "and I mean Charles Bronson not as cool kick-ass-guy, but as

in 'Death Wish' guy, if you kill Wes there is the matter of Angel to

deal with...I heard he has a very hands on approach in vengeance as

well if you off one of his employees."

"Doesn't matter anymore. Faith is all that bloody matte Spi Spike

said.

"What an odd time for a religious epiphany. Oh Faith the girl, right!

The one you are trying to save, and doing this will accomplish that

how exactly? Let's see...Wes and you, her only kind-of-Watchers dead,

leaving her with a demon inside that you say you're the only one that

has the ability to help her with. That leaves Faith left with the

option of removing the demon with the capital E evil Alistair guy.

That kind of sounds like all your idiot actions to save Faith will

only end up destroying her. It reminds me of a conversation I had

with a guy...oh, a half hour ago. Takes you back, doesn't it? Does

repeatedly rising from the dead give you short term memory damage? Is

it like being high all the time?" the guy said.

Spike went back it to human face.

"He needs to hurt...He can't do this to her again. He can't destroy

her!" Spike seemed to be pleading with the guy now as if he held any

power whatsoever.

"Spike, Wesley is only trying to help. He did end up helping before

with the whole drug thing, and maybe this will end up helping

again...so they have to mess with the forces of darkness a bit, who

hasn't? Sometimes the only way out has a price. It's like this guy I

know says, there is always a price, but I don't know about him he

seems high a lot of the time," the guy sighed.

"There doesn't have to be such a huge bloody price! Not if you don't

use magic. The Watcher bloody knows that, I know he does! Why is it

his help must tear at my girl?" Spike asked lowly and fiercely as if

the guy was hiding the answer.

"Maybe he has your awesome lack of ability to look at other options

in times of stress or, Maybe he's still resentful about that whole

torture thing. I mean Faith did string him up and beat on him, but I

think that he really means---"

"That's it! Isn't it? He was the one that she cut up. She told me

that was the worst thing she did. Never told me who it was. She knew

I'd want to finish where she left off. Except now he's startin' on

her. Getting' revenge. Sayin' 'Daddy's here.' again and pushing her

into the slaughter. But, he thinks he's the slaughterer...and he's

gonna look and find it's me!" Spike didn't go back into demon face.

He smirked instead like Wesley was already dead.

"Oh crap! I gotta learn to shut-it," the guy gasped and covered his

mouth, "Is there anyway you'll start to feel bad for Wes for being

tortured by Faith instead of thinking that he is going for payback

with these dangerous plans?"

"Watcher boy is going to know the meaning of payback...and after that

he's going to learn the meaning of the end justifying the means,"

Spike smiled.

"Didn't think so, but I can't let you do this Spike. I'm gonna have

to try to stop you," The guy sighed as if he was bored of the idea.

"Relax, Harris. I'm formulating a what-do-you-call-it, a plan. It's

going to be very well thought out and methodical. My legs might start

cramping in the meantime, but I'll handle it...Do you have anything

we can do in the meantime?" Spike sighed now. How could he be so

relaxed all of a sudden? Connor found that he was all wound up and

angry. His stomach was in a bouncy tight ball.

"In keeping with the sucidal/homicidal theme we could play Resident

Evil," The saidsaid. Spike nodded and plopped on the couch next to

Connor.

"I'll need your help gettin' at Watcher-boy. So, don't get any funny

ideas," Spike whispered to Connor. Funny ideas? Oh with killing

himself. All Connor was thinking about now was helping Faith and how

he couldn't do it before.

"You're exploring too much and not going after the zombies. Don't

waste time exploring just kill the zombies or they will get you,"

Connor said to Spike who was now playing Resident Evil.

"Hey, you've done this before," The other guy said.

"Yes, and no and Yes," Connor answered with his own smirk. Connor

expected the guy to make some remark about how little sense that made.

"What was your real name again?" The guy asked instead

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Faith felt like her sweaty body didn't fit in with this bed.

Robyn's sheets were rea really expensive kind. They were that dark

manly purple, like a pretty bruise. The kind with the high thresh-

hold. No, tread-count. The kind with the high thread-count. She had

no idea what that me She She just knew she got it mixed up with

thresh-hold because she always thought of the sheets as having a high

thresh-hold because they didn't tear easily. Her fears of hurting

someone while screwing and being a Slayer were never realized. She

never accidentally tore someone a new one, or strangled someone with

her thighs. Slayer strength was something she had to turn on, to work

for. She wor worked to hurt Xander. But, for some reason she often

tore cheap sheets when the screwing was good. She wouldn't have to

worry about that anymore.

Robin had no bruises or marks on him. He hadn't been fighting in a

while, even though he was wicked bad ass. He had perfect dark

chocolate skin. So unlike the boys she had stomped away from, all

pale, the only dark part of them ugly bruises. She was sick of them,

and their self-inflicted pain. This room was only pretty. It had a

soft light and evergreen walls. Robin seem to have this cool ability

to keep everything perfectly neat. Maybe it helped that he didn't

bring his weapons into his house. He didn't set them down on his

carpet or against his walls when they were dripping with demon blood

and gunk.

He kept the war outside. There was no pain here. At least not any

evidence of physical kind. There was a lot of the other kind of pain

though. Robin had hidden that. He had hidden it well. Faith had no

right to be upset. She had mad skills of the pain hiding variety. It

wasn't like she ran up to tell him that her mother had been a bit too

much of a partyer, or all the things that had happened to her in her

foster homes. She never talked about how HER mother had died, and how

Faith had ran at the man wad bad been partying with her mother the

night she had died. Faith ran at him screaming and biting and

kicking, even though she knew it wasn't really the man's fault. No,

Faith hadn't told Robin that and she probably wouldn't. Why do that?

Of course, there was a good reason for Robin to tell Faith who his

mother's killer was. He hadn't. Maybe Robin didn't want to think

about Faith dying, like his mother had, and that's why he hadn't told

her. At least Robin didn't have to worry about that anymore.

But, there seemed to be a lot of things she had to worry about. She

had lost her wave to ride to the big O for one. Robyn was above her

all fine and stacked with muscle and stamina as usual. He wasn't

doing anything wrong, he never did anything wrong. He was totally Zen

and into the act like she usually was -- like she should be. She

smiled and moved with him weakly. That was it. It was her who was

wrong -- weak. She felt weak. Hell, she WAS weak. She was at human

strength. What could she possibly be giving him? She had no Slayer

muscles to squeeze him in with. She might as well just be laying

here. How could that be enough for him? Maybe she should get on top.

How did she end up here anyway? Not that she minded. It was all good.

But, he was kind of big...not dick big (he was that, but that was

never a thing to complain about) but body big. He could totally crush

her or smother or or something. Not that he would. Not that if he

did she wouldn't deserve it with what she did to Xander. Maybe she

should give Xander another turn just so he could get a vengeance

screw in on her now that she was to be weak permanently. Xander had

totally bulked up over the years. He was as big as Robin. Wait, of

course she couldn't give Harris a vengeance screw, she was with

Robin. Hello! Faith supposed deep down she still didn't really know
to to have a boyfriend, or expect one to stick around. She really

shouldn't be thinking of Harris right now. She should be trying to

catch her big O wave to ride here.

"Kiss me," she commanded to Robin softly.

He did without hesitating.He never teased her. Never made her work for it.
Sometimes she wished he would, as she deserved to be teased and worked for all
the things he was presenting her with. All this caring about her well-being and
a stable life. No one had ever done that before. Not a good person like him who
wanted zero in return. But, it wasn't exactly fair for her to feel cheated.
There were people who so much wanted to give herthose things and couldn't. He
mother had wanted to. Faith's motherwould work so hard to get them a piece of
the good life then,something would always go wrong, and she would start drinking
again.

Who else did she Faith have? Wesley had always wanted Faith to play

it safe. He told her she thought she was a good person, and she had

laughed in his face and hit Cordelia. After that Wes realized that he

couldn't afford to care about the well-being of a Slayer, or of

Faith. He had really surprised her trusting her to be the one to

handle Angelus, putting bandages on her like some... Well, like some

Watcher would. And now he was doing his duty again, and helping her

take this demon out. Faith didn't deserve any of it. She should have

been more respectful of Wes. She should have shown him the same trust

he showed her with Angelus, and listened to him about Spike and the

demon in the first place. She supposed part of her would always see

him as some snotty Brit that couldn't find the stake he rammed up his

ass. That was totally unfair. People changed and he had changed a

lot. He even looked kind of hot. She probably shouldn't be thinking

about Wes right now.

"Come for me, Baby," Robin said. Shit,knewknew she was distracted.

So, he did want something for being her rock. He wanted her true

moment of happiness. No problem, at least it had never been a problem

before. Damn, she kinda felt pressure being asked to have it, or

being told to have it. God, she was such a bitch. She pushed against

his bulky chest to let him know she didn't want to be on the bottom

anymore. Her hands looked red and dry against his perfect black skin.

He rolled them over to the side.

She knew this was how it was going to be when she had no Slayer

power. She was going to be along for the ride. She didn't really

think it would bother her. Even when she was on top and smacking

things down she was still along for the ride. No matter what she.
.

No matter how hard she worked. She thought she might like it in

screwing. She had liked it today when Connor was crushing her bones

for comfort. She had liked it when Spike would squeeze her in order

to heal her. But, those things had nothing to do with screwing, and

she never should have trusted Spike. Connor had trusted her, needed

her, for what it was she could give him, and it had nothing to so

with being a Slayer, and it have everything to do with it. She was

the Slayer now--still, but not at Slayer strength. Yet, she might as

well not be a Slayer anymore because soon she would take out all of

her power. Her power that had made her hurt good people before. She

had gotten even more power to help good people. But, that only made

her dependent on a liar. That pale muscular-like-a junkie-on-the-run

obnoxious liar. The kind of guy she used to believe she could take

down before she was a Slayer, but looks, like everything else were

very deceiving.

Faith tightened her muscles so that she would come. Yes, she could

still do that. She could still do a lot of things, like please her

man. They finished softly moaning under the lamp light. She really

wished they didn't have to use condoms. They were kind of awkward. He

had to get up and thro awa away. She was glad they had been using

them when she figured out Slayers could get preggers. Funny that she

figured it out when he said his Mom had been a Slayer. Yes, that WAS

the funny part. The unfunny part was all the times she had used

nothing in her wild days, and how not one guy had thought to ask

about it. Maybe she really couldn't get preggers, just because

something was wrong with her, not because of being a Slayer. They had

tested her in blood in prison. So, she knew she wasn't giving him

some disease. It always all came down to blood. Faith noticed there

was no red in this room.

"So beautiful," Robyn crawled back into bed and touched her face. If

only he knew what she had been like before.

"I've looked better," she said. She was still pale and sickly looking

like when she came out of her coma. Not the latest one. The one she

didn't like to think about. The one it did no good to think about.

"I've been meaning to ask...what happened here?" Robin said as he

touched the scar on her stomach gently and then took his hand away,

as if he would hurt it.

"It's old, old news," she smiled weakly.

"Why don't you just summarize the back-issue," he said.

"Would you believe me if I said I had my appendix out?" she asked

with mock hope.

"You don't want to tell me," he stated.

"It's hard. B tho she she needed my blood...I let her do it," she

added quickly. She didn't want to defend B. Something seemed to get

lost in the translation when she told her friends had been evil. So,

now she was telling lies. No, it wasn't a lie.

"It's complicated. We're all so connected here. I wasn't big on

connection, scr screwed it up. I was like the weed strangling

everyone. So, I got cut lose, and that's the scar for it...Hey,

speaking of weed!" she exclaimed and pulled a zip lock out of her

backpack.

"Well, you won't have to worry about bad connections much longer. In

a few days we can go anywhere we want. You'll be cut free, and this

time no scars," he smiled.

"Oh Woody!" she laughed, "You are so...pure ... you can't see.

Evhinghing worth doing has some kind of scarring to it. I'm sure

they'll be some kind of kick-back. Whatever it is I'll take it," she

said as she put a good rectangle shaped weed rolling book across her

lap.

It had something to do with architecture. He liked pretty buildings,

there insides and outsides all thought out and done perfect. She

should reare. re. She had read in jail. But, not anything useful. She

read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" because it was the

only thing that was on the book cart that had something she was

interested in the title-Motorcycles. Then she read more books on Zen.

She had tried to read the ones Robin had here on Zen, but they were

all college hard. She wasn't what you call college material, she knew

that. But, she could work hard to be girlfriend material for this

college guy.

"There won't be any kick back for you. I promise," he said.

"Sometimes, you do act like a guy. You're making promises you can't

possibly keep. I don't think we're in change when it comes to magic,"

she sighed as she concentrated on rolling a perfect joint in the

romantic lamp light.

"Is that you or Spike talking? Do you trust me Faith, or do you trust

the guy that killed my mother more? I KNOW that you had that demon

out again....and that means he had his hands on you again. I can

sense things too, you know? After that thing comes out of you and

after he touches you -- you're different. You look different. You

move different. You SMELL different, and you feel different," he was

whispering, but angry. Like he didn't want anyone to know what she

was really like, like the were at another fancy dinner.

"I take it all back. You ARE a guy. When will I learn you're all the

same? Well, you're the animal! Maybe even a beast, like some other

men around here," she didn't say this quietly. She stopped sealing

the joint mid-lick and put it and the book on the night-stand. The

book hit the lamp and made it wobble. She knew as she said this that

part of what he was saying was true. But, she had to defend herself.

If he couldn't see how she was working her hardest to do right, then
was was just like Spike.

"Don't compare me to him, Faith. You can do what you want. Go running

to him again. Keep dying with that monster inside of you until one

day he gets distracted by something shinny and doesn't get to you in

time. I can't stop you, if that's your choice. But don't EVER compare

me to him. When you found out what he did to me, you pushed me away

from you, just like you pushed him away. You pushed us together. You

threw me out of the house alwithwith the murdering monster that

killed my mother. The one that almost tore my head off because I made

some crack about him liking Slayers. The one who wants to get his

hands on you and burn you to Hell. He is the only animal, Faith. I'm

the man. The man that is trying to love you."

"Why? Why are you trying to love me if you think I'm so dirty and

disgusting and wrong? I told you we could have just screwed. It would

have been easier," she pleaded with him like he was going to beat her

to death on the jasmine down comforter. He could. Maybe he should.

She couldn't say she was sorry for throwing him out. He hadn't

trusted her with a huge part of who he was.

"I didn't want what was easy, and neither did you. We've worked

really hard to make this last, and now it has a real shot, and you're

ruining it because your scared," he sighed. He wasn't angry anymore

he seemed tired.

"If you didn't want what was easy then why did you just call me an

easy 'ho?"

"What? Okay there must have been someone else here because I don't

think I've called someone an 'easy 'ho' in about fifteen years," he

said.

"So, you didn't come out and say it, but you said I was nasty and I

reeked and I was---"

"Okay, maybe I somehow was in a different dimension from you for a

second, and some really idiotic gangta version of me took my place

because that wasn't what I s I s I said you seemed different. He does

that thing and it throws you off somehow. You seem spacey...even your

body seems spacey, like it's not quite sure it wants to be here.

That's all. Not that isn't very concerning. I think I'd like it

better if you were an easy 'ho. Ha! I said it. It isn't as fun to say

as it used to be. Maybe I am getting old," he laughed.

She wasn't spacey or sickly because of Spike's healing. She was

spacey and sickly because she had been pushing Spike and his healing

away -- in both the literal and figurative way. But that didn't

matter now. What mattered was that she had screwed up again. She had

done that twisting thing that the prison shrink said she did. She was

so used to being "verbally abused" that she sometimes thought people

meant stuff they didn't mean. Damn, she thought she was over that. It

was so easy with Kennedy and Spike and even Harris. Kennedy said

exactly what she meant. Harris may hide it in a joke and Spike may

hide it in some smart-assed come-back, but the message was about as

subtle as a boot to the head. It was so hard with people who talked

the way Robin did. B had talked that way. What was it? Sophisticated.

They could say something and it so obviously meant something else, or

not. It was enough to drive a sane person crazy, nevermind Faith.

"I'm sorry. I've been trying so hard, but I'm still so fucked-up,"

she told him.

"It's okay. I wish you hadn't brought the demon out again. I mean,

the idea is to get rid of it. You could have at least told me about

it. But, in a couple of days it won't matter. The demon will be gone,

right?" he said.

"Right, but I meant that I was sorry that I thought you called me a

dirty 'ho. I'm not sorry I brought the demon out. I had to. One last

time. I wasn't trying to hide it from you. I just didn't want to talk

about it. I didn't think it mattered to you so much."

"Well, I'm one of those sensitive guys that takes an interest in how

his girlfriend's day goes...I wanna hear about how work was, and if

her demon rose out of her almost killing her until a vampire filled

her up with a mystical force...God! I can't wait until this is over.

We can get out of this Hell-hole," he laughed in that good sense-of-

humor way.

"I actually thought we'd be Hell-hole homies a little longer. I'm

still needed here. After that we can see where the mission takes us.

I hear Cleveland sucks, but it does have the Rock and Roll Hall of

Fame," she said.

"What?"

"Yeah, I thought it was weird too. You think that it would be in New

York or LA. Maybe it's true how rock stars make deals with the devil

and that's why it's in Cleveland to be near a Hellmouth," she said.

"That is a really great theory, but that 'What?' was more broad than

that...As in: 'What the Hell are you taking about wanting to stay

here and then find where the mission takes us?' The mission is over

for us. We've done our time."

"You can never be done doing your time for this mission, Robin. At

least I can't...knowing what I know, seeing what I've seen," she told

him. She couldn't leave knowing what it was like to want a good

vampire to help you kill yourself. She couldn't leaving seeing Connor

trying to do it with Spike.

"Comas that you've coma-ed. Faith, give me a break, even you can't

think that taking on battles with no Slayer power could be a good

idea."

"Don't worry I'm not going to throw myself in the hornet's nest like

I used to. But, I still want to be a player. There are still things I

could do to help," she said. She was going to accuse him of saying

that she wasn't a good Slayer with that coma crack, but she realized

in time that she was probably just twisting his words to match her

mind.

"Like what? Get knocked into yet another coma?" he snorted. Okay,

Faith may not be sure of subliminal insults, but she got direct

sarcasm just fine.

"Wow, you really are swinging at me now...Tell me if it's my psycho

sensors screwing up the signal, but you are saying I can't do

anything to help? That I've been nothing but the muscle? Look, I know

I can't help like you or Willow, I'm not smart. I don't have that

logic Vulcan mind. But, I can still give people support ... and after

seeing what seven years did to B, I think people need all the support

they can get."

"I'm sorry, but I don't think that standing around giving people pats

on the back and wisecracks is worth your life, or even an eye for

that matter, which is what happened to Xander. Can't you learn

anything from him?"

"Yeah, I can. He has this Lord of the Rings bumper sticker that goes:

Even the Small people can Change things...or something. That's why

I'm sticking around," she said arms folded over her naked breasts.

"But, he'll be here too...and he's not small. He's everywhere. I

thought with what you know now you'd want to change being around

him," Robin said looking defeated. He didn't mean Harris.

"Robin, I'm not gonna pal around with him. I'd never do that to you.

I don't know why you didn't tell me in the first place. I never would

have gone anywhere near him," Faith sighed.

She had already spent hours wishing that Robin had told her Spike was

his Mother's killer. Then Spike would have never enter her mind-

literally and figuratively again. The way his brain worked and

thought of the world wouldn't be anything Faith was an expert in. She

should be Zen and let it all go: the fact that Robin lied and that

she had gotten close to someone she shouldn't have...literally

and ... figuratively.

"But, it kind of worked out with his creepy healing so you could live

with the demon inside you and all," Robin sighed.

Robin was sorry he was right. Faith wished she could easily put Spike

away as an enemy in her mind. Her shrink had told her that was

another thing she did. She saw people as either friends or enemies.

Her shrink told her sometimes someone could be a little of both.

Faith told the shrink that she was sweet, but she didn't live in

Faith's world.

"Yeah, I was gonna kill him for you. But, since he saved my life so

many times it just didn't seem right. But, I don't have a handbook on

these things. I heard this ais a handbook somewhere."

"Yes, my mother had it."

"Wicked...But, I'll bet it has like zero informn onn on what you do

if an ensouled vampire killed your boyfriend's mother from when he

didn't have a soul. I'd leave it up to you. But.. I mean he might end

up saving the world again...and what if there isn't another Slayer

when I'm reprocessed. But---"

"Wait, you were gonna kill him for me?"

Faith's shrink had called her either seeing someone as a friend or an

enemy "splitting." Faith told her that she had split a lot of people

apart in her life, and Faith had laughed a lot. She had split a lot

of people apart literally and...this was getting lame.

"He killed your mother. I thought it would be the right thing to do.

I wanted your life to be perfect, like you want it," Faith said with

a painful bubble in her throat she wished would pop.

She really wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. But, killing

her boyfriend's mother seemed to outweigh what ever good he had done

for a moment. How could she not give Robin, the only man that asked

nothing of her, his rightful revenge? How could she just sit there

and let someone who had done that to him live and breathe...Well, not

breathe. In the moment she found out and kicked everyone out of the

house that had been her first reaction. She would kill Spike for

Robin. But, Angel had said to remember that the mission is never

about just you or the people you love. She was so thankful for Angel,

who she now realized argued for Spike's life. Wicked strange.

"I realized that killing is going not going to make my life perfect,"

Robin sighed. His round chocolate eyes looked straight into nothing

on the green wall.

"It can make things better in our world sometimes. I'm glad-- I mean

I guess this wasn't one of those times," Faith said. Robin pulled her

into him with his wide cut arm.

"I don't know if I want to be part of a world where killing makes

things better," he said.

"Yeah, it's hard work, but somebody's got to do it. I guess it was

stupid to think that killing Spike would make things perfect for

you," she said. She reached over and grabbed the unfinished joint.

"You know what would make things perfect?" he asked.

"Finishing rolling the joint having a second round and then smoking?"

she asked with a smile.

She didn't want to think about what would make things perfect. It made that
bubble rise in her throat. Perfect is only headed for a huge fall. Perfect is
something you have to be willing to let go of.

"No... I was going to say you and me out of this world of monsters

and killing...but that's good enough for now," he laughed. She lit

the joint. Robin's kind of perfect was doable for him, like how he

had all of his shirts hanging up in a straight line. But, she knew

she would never be able to do that. In a week all her shirts would be

all over the place again.

"Well, you'll have to live in the now for now. It's what I always

shoot for," she said. She drew the smoke into her lungs, this was the

kind of perfect she could do.

"Yeah," he sighed taking the joint from her, "I have work in the

morning in the high school world, which is really not that different

from the demon world come to think of it."

"Why do you think I dropped out? Hmm...Maybe I'm making up for all

the high school work I missed in slayage," she laughed.

End of 8 (Go to 9...it's cool ---->