California

Female logic is enough to make a man slit his throat - Henry Miller

I bring Fred into my bedroom, showing her were she can place her bag.

"Is this your bed? And room? Wow, it's so nice."

"Naw, not anymore, baby. It's our room now." I smile giving her another hug.

"Do you work someplace, Faith? Don't let me keep you from your job."

"I'm on lunch break, and you're coming back with me."

"Ooooooh, can we go to Taco Bell? I love tacos!"

"You read my mind, girl. I wish we had time for a little fuck now."

Fred gave me a nervous smile.

"Well, I won't be any good to you being as hungry as I am, now will I?"

She winks at me. My heart is all a'flutter. My panties are starting to get a little damp, too. Oh god, hurry up four O'clock!

Lunch at Taco Bell was an eye opening experience. To look at her, I thought Fred never ate anything. But she was eating more than I could afford. While I could make do with a Mexican Pizza and two taco supremes, she had about three times what I had. By the time it was time to head back to the library, she acted like she wanted more!

"Sorry, I just sometimes get hungry and can't stop myself."

"Don't sweat it, Baby Bird."

My sense of euphoria is almost shattered soon after I got back to the library. An old annoyance from the past seems to have invaded in the time since I left for lunch.

Everything was all right for almost an hour, then it happened. Fred and I were stealing kisses in the corner of the room when I heard a familiar whining voice break the silence.

"NOOOOOOO! It's spelled W-y-m-y-n-s Studies! You spelled it the patriarchal way! You're a traitor to women!"

"Oh shit," I say, "it's Willow."

"Oh no!" Fred says with a nervous tone of voice. "She... she..."

"What? What happened, Fred? Is everything okay?"

"She came visiting a few days ago. I was sleeping in my bed, minding my own business, then when I woke up, I found her in my bed. She had her face, you know, down there, she was, uh, smelling me. And she was... touching herself, you know...in *that* way."

My face flared with anger. While Willow was whining on about male oppression and sexism, Fred was trying to calm me down. It does figure Willow would be into this thing, right? It's the self righteous twats who have the most to hide.

"Don't hurt her, I don't want you back in jail, Faith. I need you."

"Oh, I won't hurt her, but I might make her wish I was punching her. Watch this..."

I walk over, hoping she doesn't notice me, the sneak attack being the best way.

"This is very offensive to my feminist nature! What kind of woman would spell that word the sexist way!!! And for Wymymn's Studies?!?? How dare you! I'm going to organize a protest of this library until this is changed and an apology is written in the school paper! Uh huh! That's what will happen, that is what I'm goingdo! do! See this? This is my face of determination. I'm determined to shut down your sexist machine, yup, I..."

"Oh, wow. Look at you now, Red! Majoring in Cuntology 101. How cute. I gotta wonder how Wolfboy is taking to this. Or have you cut his balls off and put them around your neck?"

Willow gasped, turning around at me. "Faith! What are you doing here? I didn't think a woman like you, who would objectify herself for the pleasure of men by wearing all that leather, would even be smart enough to read!"

"And does Wolfie know you like to go around smelling other girl's panties, while they're still wearing them?"

"HELLO! GAY NOW!"

"Or do you share with Wolfie? Sad, I thought Oz would be nicer than that."

"HELLO! GAY NOW!" this time a bit louder.

"Am I speaking a dead language?"

"HELLLLLLLLL-OHHHHHHHHHHH! GAY NOW!" almost at a shout.

I try to walk away, but somed ofd of dust storm prevents me from doing so. When it finally settles, Willow is standing there in a black cheerleader's outfit. A pink triangle is on the blouse and rainbows wrap around the skirt.

"I said... HELLO! GAY NOW!" she shakes her pom poms before jumping on a table.

Then she starts singing the worst song I ever heard. Her creaky voice made it a thousand times worse than it had to be.

Hooray! Hooray! Hooray, hooray for gay!
Hooray! Hooray! Hooray, hooray for gay!

I once was straight! I was a fool!
Boys and their sausage made me drool
I didn't know what I was doing was sexism!

Boys have kept girls down long enough!
Girls who love them also make it tough
For other girls to make it in the world!

But thank Thespia that all has changed!
Now my sexual life has been rearranged
I love them femme and I love them butch!


Fred and I look back and forth at each other. What is she gonna fuckin' do? Conjure up a machine gun and blow us all to hell? And I can't believe I'm thinking this, but poor Brad! God knows what Willow would do this poor, lame ass. Or should I think "Goddess knows" in case Willow can read my mind?


And I'm GAY NOW!
I loves to dive the muff!
I'm really GAY NOW!
No more penis will I touch!
I'm SUPER GAY NOW!
No more Osbourne Wolf for
Yo
You know I'm GAY NOW!
Being straight is too old fashiony


Willow nods her head each time she says "gay now." It's like there's a disco band or something behind her. Funny, I thought it was gay men who liked disco and folk music was what the dykes listened to.


And if a smelly boy wants me to gargle his spunk
He'd have to be that sexy James Marsters hunk
He looks like an ugly girl when I'm drunk

I'd kill myself if Tara cheated on me!
But I can cheat on her I w I want, see?
I can erase her mind and she's good as new

I eat 'em out when they're on the rag!
I hope to Christ this is offensive, man!
You sure do look like a homophobe to meeeeee!

My Wymyn's Studies teacher said razors are a vice!
Oh goddess why can't sweet Tara follow her advice?
It makes me fear she'll be a traitor to all wymyn!

So if you're a homophobe I will know!
And I'll follow you right to your home
And hack out your brain with a veggie cleaver! fee feed it to Miss Kitty Fantasticooooooooo!

In case anybody here didn't know, that's my nickname for Tara's pussy, too!

Then she starts singing the chorus over and over again. I try to approach the table to drag her down, but she's put up some kind of magical force field to keep me away.

Then, if things couldn't get worse, she starts shrieking at the top of her lungs, over and over again.

"GAY NOW! GAY NOW! GAY NOW! GAY NOW! GAY NOW! GAY NOW! GAY NOW! GAY NOW!"

Finally, this really cute blonde girl walks through the door, and upon seeing Willow, she almost runs away. Then back again.

"Willow!"

Willow is still up there shrieking at the top of her lungs. "GAY NOW! GAY NOW...."

"WILLOW!"

"Oh, hi Tara! Hey EVERYBODY! This is Tara! I dived her muff last night! Does that offend your Puritanical values?"

Tara rushed the table and dragged Willow to the floor.

"What the hell are you doing? You promised me you'd not embarrass me again. God, Willow, look at you, you look spastic."

"I learned a new spell on Sabrina this morning! How to change my clothes! Don't you like? It's my gay pride outfit! I sewed it myself while you were sleeping last night. You sure do sleep well... AFTER I DIVE YOUR MUFF!"

Tara looked at Fred and me with a look that said 'please, take me away from this weirdo.'

"I'm gonna wear it in the gay pride parade this year! The one you didn't want to march in, SELF HATER!" Willow starts jabbing Tara in the chest angrily.

"Willow, get home, now! You've embarrassed me for the last time, we'll talk about this later."

Willow looked as if she was about to cry, but did as Tara wished. As she left, a huge round of applause erupted in the library.

"Look, guys, I'm sorry about this. But ever since Willow starteds whs whole women's studies this at school, she's been insufferable. Please don't call the police on her, okay?"

"I can why why Willow's chasing the little man in the boat now. You're cute."

Tara blushes, and starts to stutter. "Oh, well, I, I mean, I..."

Fred gives her a hug and a little kiss on her ear.

Tara blushes three shades of purple before walking home with a giant smile on hace.ace.

I look at the clock, it says 3:30. Wow, time sure flies by quick when you're having fun.