Magical Upchuck

Title: Hi Chris

Author: MerKat
Fandom: BTVS/ Charmed
Summary: Xander is temporally turned into a girl by Willow. Before he turns back into himself he meets Chris Halliwell. The Chris from the future and Xander have sex. Now an very male Xander is pregnant with a child from a man that’s not even born yet. This idea is from a challenge I read but couldn’t find again. Don’t remember who gave the challenge but I thought it was a great idea.
Archive: Slash. Male on Male. Maybe some het too! Mpreg!

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“Wait a mminute! I sshould *Ha-chooo!* go with you! If this deemon is rreal bad in da future, you all don’t face `im till after Wyatt’s third birdtday!” Chris said miserably.

Piper rolled her eyes and placed another bowl of soup in front of Chris. “We did fine before you came along we’ll do fine this time. We’re just going to help a fellow witch.” Then Piper frowned at her skinny, pale skinned, tired looking whitelighter. “Who is your mother in the future anyway? I should give her a piece of my mind, does she feed you?”

Chris nearly choked on a carrot and some broth went down the wrong tube. “Of course my mother in the future feeds me, she’s great. Just in the future she’s not around because . . . well you know! After I fix everything stuff will be better.”

Piper rolled her eyes. “Right, sure. Just put Wyatt to bed in an hour and keep eating the soup, I should be back soon. If anything goes wrong I have my cell-“

“Come on Piper! Order Chris around later!” Paige yelled from the livingroom.

“I’ll be there in a second!” Piper let out a huff of breath. “Don’t let Wyatt orb around the house, he likes to orb out of bed and into my room to watch tv, don’t let him. He needs to sleep or he’ll be cranky for daycare.”

“Piper! I think Chris can handle Wyatt for one night, sweety.” Phoebe called out. “Mari says her charge needs us.”

“I’m a single mom leaving her child with a babysitter while I go hunt demons! I have the right to do the normal mother worrying thing!” Piper growled then let out a calming breath. “Don’t let Wyatt watch Spongebob, he tried to animate the sink sponge and it nearly took a finger. His sippy cup is in the dishwasher and his night pj’s are by the crib.”

Chris blinked. “Ooook, dat all?”

Piper started heading for the door then stopped. “Eat your soup, drink plenty of water, and I brewed some vitamin potion for you. Drink it all.” Then Piper marched over to her smiling sisters and disappeared in a flurry of blue orbs.

Chris went up to the stove and lifted the lid of a small brewing pot the yellow potion looked mockingly back at him. He grimaced at the horrid smell. “Jus like mom usseda makes it.” Chris ladled out a spoon full and took a drink and gagged. “Now I `emember why I never get sssick.” Chris looked over at Wyatt who was wrinkling his nose at the smell of the uncovered potion. “Mom doesn’t know she’s *Ha-choo!* mom to me too an yet sstill I get da yucky potions to drink. Is dat fair Wyatt?”

Wyatt grinned then waved his hand and orbed the pot out the window. “`ucky!”

Chris orbed the empty pot back into the house. “Good job little man! *Ha-choo!* Let’s have some hot cocoa an watch some Spongebob! I needd da warm up.”

***

Tying the bit of fabric to the finding crystal Xander gently swung it over a large maps book. As Xander swung the crystal she could feel it pull and finally drop on a warehouse district outside of San Francisco . “Got you.” A small smirk crossed Xander’s face.

Grabbing two of the magical daggers she bought from Kim’s crazy magic shop Xander strapped them into their special leather harness. Picking through her clothes Xander tossed some of the more girly ones around then just grabbed a regular sweat shirt and jeans. Slinging her little black backpack over her shoulder Xander slipped her magic book into it. “Time to get some evil demon flesh for a kill demon potion.” Xander brushed her hand against the atheme hidden under her sweat shirt and left.

Minutes after Xander left in her used car bright orbs appeared in her room.

***
Piper, Paige, Phoebe, and Mari appeared in the ratty bedroom and looked around for the witch in trouble. Mari looked around the room worry on her face. “Xanny? Xanny? She’s gone.”

“And I think I know where.” Paige said as she pointed at the map and the finding crystal planted firmly on it.

***

“Why do bad guy’s have to pick the gross places to hide out? San Francisco’s sewer really the only good place to hide? Why not a five star hotel or a park?” Xander griped as she stepped around a dead rat then hopped over a narrow brown channel of water. Heading down another dank tunnel Xander stopped when she heard voices coming her way. Looking around Xander could find nowhere to hide but a shadowy corner to small to hide Xander completely. Wedging herself in as much as possible Xander tried to will whoever it is to go past without seeing her. Xander could feel that weird new power wash over her and connect to the mort-poc demons.

Two mort-poc’s in demon form trudge on into the tunnel as they walked one stilled for a moment and sniffed the air. “Do you smell that?”

“What?” The other growled.

“I smell a human.”

Xander’s eyes narrowed she pulled out one of her knifes but continued to willed the demons to move on. ~The scent is faded. It’s old.~ Xander willed that thought to them.

The taller growly one frowned. “The scent is faded. It’s old.”

The short sniffy one huffed a confused look on his scaled face. He looked around the empty tunnel in wonder. “I could have sworn the scent was fresh a second ago. Like there was a human in this tunnel with us.”

Xander willed the demons that where only two feet from her on there way. ~It’s late. The boss is waiting.~

The tall one shook his head then glared. “It’s late. The boss needs us. He’s waiting.”

“Right.”

The two demons continued walking unaware that they were being followed.

***
Xander followed the demons into a room full of books, demons, and clown dolls. Dozens of clown dolls. Hiding behind a book shelf Xander watched Gilly strut around and yell at the demons crowded around him. In the crowd Xander spotted Felix, she smiled. “I might be able to get two birds with one stone.”

Xander watched Gilly and waited, waited for a good moment to cut him and get a good chunk for her potion. Behind Xander light appeared and in a flurry of blue orbs Mari and three unknown woman stood. They looked around before being pulled down to a crouch by Xander. “Xanny! I thought I said NOT to go off without ME!”

Xander clapped a hand over Mari’s mouth then put a finger to her own lips to signal for silence. Xander spoke in a soft whisper. “I’m not going to sit around and twiddle my thumbs every time you say so Mar. Besides I’m not here to fight Gilly I’m here for a potion ingredient. Who are your new friends?”

Mari shifted a bit. “Xanny meet the Charmed one’s. Piper, Paige, Phoebe, this is Alexandra my stubborn charge.”

Phoebe frowned then grinned. “Alex Harris?”

Xander looked Phoebe over, did she know her? “Yeah? Do I know you?”

“No but we both have a mutual acquaintance.”

Xander frowned as two of the women before her gave Cheshire cat smiles, like they had a delicious tidbit of knowledge. “Really? Who might that b-“

They all went silent when some large horned demons came sniffing around. “I heard voices.” Growled a big green four horned demon.

“Could be mort-poc vermin.” A red four horned demon said with disgust.

“Sounded female.” Said the green one as he came around toward the book shelf. The other witches prepared themselves to fight but Xander raised a hand for them to back off. The demon’s green head stretched around the shelf and came face to face with Xander. Xander stared into it’s eyes only inches from her own and got an instant and strong connection to the creature. ~There is nothing back here, just rats. Nothing behind the shelf.~

The demon’s eyes glazed over and he blinked then slowly turned around and went back by the red demon. “Nothing back there but rats. Nothing worth trashing.” Both demons walked back toward the group.

Mari frowned at Xander. “What was that and when were you going to tell me about it?”

Xander shrugged. “It’s new. Was going to tell you but stuff came up.”

***
Phoebe was practically bursting with excitement she could barely contain herself. Here was Chris’ mystery woman, crouching before her, a witch ready to fight demons! Phoebe had to hold herself back from telling Paige to orb them all home. Chris would freak! Phoebe smiled as she met Paige’s eyes. ‘Chris is going to freak. I can’t let him forget about love after-all.’

***
Yesterday
***
“Chris I thought you were going to go see Alex? To ask her for a date or something?” Phoebe asked the brooding young man who was at the moment looking through the Book of Shadows.

“I have more important things to do.”


Phoebe frowned at Chris’ short and cold answer. “Like what? No demon attack today and you had us go around killing a bunch already. Take a little breather, go find your girl!” Phoebe said as she snapped the book closed.

Chris glared at her the reopened the book. “I have a job to do. Protect Wyatt remember? I didn’t come back through time to fix my love life. I have better things to do.”

“Love is the reason you came back Chris. Your love for Wyatt, your love for Piper, me, Paige, Leo, everyone. Love is very important.”

Chris sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Look love won’t matter to me at all in a few days if mom and Leo don’t . . . you know and make me. I need to find whatever turned Wyatt, that is what’s important now. If I only have a few day’s then I have to look up everything. I have to go to the swamps to look up a new lead.” Chris orbed away.

“I’m not going to let you just give up.” Phoebe mumbled to herself.
***
“Gilly is an upper level demon, we need a piece of his flesh for a potion. We also need one of those clown dolls.” Xander said softly.

“Why do we need a doll?” Piper asked.

“Gilly is connected to the trapped witches souls using those creepy dolls, I think if we get one and perform some sort of bond breaker spell it might set them free. If we don’t free the witches Gilly could come back.”

Phoebe nods. “Good idea.”

“Right here is the plan! Phoebe and Piper can distract the demons, Mari can get a doll, and me and Alexandra will get a bit of demon flesh.” Paige said excitedly. The other’s nod. Paige grabs Xander’s hand and orbs them behind a table near Gilly and Mari orbs toward the back of the room where dozens of clown doll sit helplessly on rows of shelves like little trophies.

Piper sighs. “Ok lets get this over with.”

“Right.” Phoebe jumps out of their hiding spot. “Hey! Big and horny!”

“Witches!” The big red demon turned around only to get a fashionable boot slammed into the face. Piper flicked her hands, once, twice, three times, and blew up two rhino sized demons and a small group of mort-pocs.

From behind the table Xander watches the two sisters kick butt. “Wow, you guys really know your stuff.”


“Years of practice. Can I barrow your knife? I’ll orb behind him and cut him, you can grab the chunk.” Xander nods and hands it to her. Paige does just that. Slashing out at the big clown demon’s are a hunk of blood flesh goes flying. Dashing over to get it Xander picks it up by a small corner.

“Why do girls always give me the gross job?” Xander ducks when a fireball is thrown at her by Gilly.

“Witch! I’ll turn you into a doll and hang you over an open fire!” He growled as he tossed Paige into a wall.

Xander raised her wrist as if she was looking at a watch. “Look at the time? I had fun but I gotta go!” Xander ran to Paige and helped her up. “Orbing would be of the good right now!”

Paige nods and orbs just at a large fireball came their way. Gilly roared.

***
Halliwell house
***
In flurry of blue light everyone appeared in the sitting room, Xander holding Paige up and Mari with Piper and Phoebe. “What are we doing here?” Xander asked as she helped Paige to a seat.

Phoebe grinned. “This is our home, Halliwell manor.”

Piper rushed to Paige’s side and looked her over. “Are you alright?”

“She has a sprained ankle and a slight concussion, other then that she’s fine.” Xander answered before Paige could say anything.

“How do you know that?” Asked Phoebe.

“My magical line is made up of healers, I just know.” Xander shrugged.

Mari held her hands out and started healing Paige up. “Oh, I missed having a healer around.” Paige groaned happily when Mari healed her ankle.

Xander held out the demon flesh. “Do you guys have a potion area? I don’t want ta hold this all day.”

“Yeah in the kitchen. This way.” Phoebe lead the way. They were just heading for the kitchen when they heard foot steps from upstairs.

“How was the demon hunt?” Called a male voice. Xander frowned, the voice sounds so familiar.


“Upper level demon, have to get his flesh first and make a potion!” Phoebe yelled to the voice even as the person headed for the kitchen. They met half way.

“So Gilly’s not dead yet, was the witch you helped any good? Is everyone ok? What’s the-“ Chris turned the corner and walked straight into Phoebe but he didn’t seem to notice, he was too busy starring. “Lexxy?” Chris nearly squeaked.

Xander swallowed the lump in her throat and her stomach did a flip when their eyes met. Getting drunk and knowing you had sex with another guy ya just met is one thing . . . meeting him again is another. Xander wiped her sweaty hand that wasn’t holding bloody demon flesh on her pants and wished she was anywhere but where she was at the moment. “Chris. *Bite lip* Hi. How’ve you been?”

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Moonkat: Review! One of my reviewers had a good idea about adding male habits to Xan, can anyone think of anything? Something a guy could do that's a guy thing but would be odd if a beautiful dressed up girl did it? Maybe tackle football? Maybe I'll have X drink a guy under the table or beat one up in a bar fight! Maybe? What sounds good?