Kindness, Love, and Acceptance

Part 8

Xander opened his door and stepped inside his apartment. He tossed his keys onto the small table by the door and toed off his shoes before calling out to Spike. "I'm back. I couldn't find Connor; I looked everywhere I could think of." He continued into the living room and saw Spike and Connor sitting across from one another, both smiling at him. "Except here, of course. 'Cause that would have been way too easy."

Xandeokedoked from Spike to Connor and then back again. "Um, help me out here guys, 'cause I think I walked in halfway through the second act." Never in a million years would he have pictured coming home to this. Oh yeah, he could see coming home to the walls painted in blood, Connor in pieces at his feet, or perhaps a big pile dust in the middle of the floor and a badly wounded Connor standing over it. But the two of them together, sitting in the same room with no sign of violence or bloodshed? Nope. Never would have pictured it.

"I came to see you. I remembered you said you lived here, in Sunnydale. I hitched a ride on a truck." Connor felt foolish and inadequate all of a sudden. What had he expected when he came here? That Xander would fall at his feet, professing undying love for him? Hardly. The more he thought about it, the crazier this whole thing seemed. "I just wanted to tell you that I don't hold you responsible. I wanted to do everything we did last night. You didn't force me or trick me. I'm sorry, I'll go now."

Connor stood and headed for the door. Xander shot a panic-stricken look at his lover and was relieved when Spike nodded and left the room to give them a few minutes. "Wait," Xander stopped Connor before he could leave. "I want to talk; I have things I need to say, things I need for you to hear." Connor nodded and followed Xander back to the living room. He sat in thair air once again and waited as Xander composed himself.

"First of all, I'm sorry." At Connor's crestfallen look, Xander hurried to continue. "Not because we spent the night together, but because of how it happened. I don't drink. Usually. I was in a bad place; I was hurting and angry. I was thinking about hurting Angel, about taking someone from him for a change, about getting even. That shouldn't have happened."

Xander began to pace the room. He was well aware that S cou could hear every word he said and tried not to say anything that would upset him. "I love Spike. There was a... thing. I took off; I was hurt and I was drunk and you were so... pretty. I wanted you. I wanted to hurt your father, yes, but I did want you. If things were different, if I wasn't already involved... " Xander trailed off with a helpless shrug of his shoulders.

Connor nodded his head and closed his eyes. He should have expected this - had actually expected this from the moment Spike had told him that Xander knew he was a demon, and that he loved him anyway - but it still hurt. He wondered if he would ever find someone who would choose him first. "I understand. It was stupid of me to come here."

"Where are you going to go?"

"I don't know. I guess I didn't plan this very well. I'll just hitch a ride back to L.A., I guess." Connor bowed his head and with shoulders sagged in defeat, he headed for the door. Once again, Xander stopped him.

"No. You can't do that. It's dangerous out there; Sunnydale isn't the kind of place to walk around in after dark." Xander held up a hand to forestall the argument he could see coming. "I know you kill demons all the time, but it's not the same here in Sunnydale. Just... give me a few minutes to talk to Spike, okay? Will you sit down and wait?"

Connor nodded and resumed his place on the chair. He wondered why he was still here, why he hadn't simply left instead of staying when the vampire had asked. Other than the fact that he had nowhere else to be, he was curious. He wanted to know more about Spike; the demon had been curiously good company. He had listened to his stories about growing up with Holtz, had been sympathetic and understanding about what had happened with Angel and his child. Xander was lucky to have him.

~!~

Spike raised his eyebrow and looked quizzically at Xander when he entered their bedroom. Xander smiled sheepishly and shrugged hhoulhoulders at his lover. "I can't just let him leave, Spike. Sunnydale is dangerous." Xander turned pleading eyes on the vampire, begging him to understand. Spike smiled softly at him.

"Always the white knight aren't ya, pet? Come here." Spike pulled Xander down to sit next to him on the bed and wrapped his arms around the larger man. "I do understand, Xander. I've spent the last hour or so talking to him; he's a gkid kid - young man," Spike corrected after Xander shot him a look. "He's had a tough life, a lot of bad breaks. I feel for him."

"So, you're not angry?" Xander was honestly confused. And truth be told, a little disappointed. He had expected a violent display of vampire possessiveness, and as much as he was happy that Connor hadn't been harmed, he was somewhat hurt thinking that Spike didn't find him worth getting pissy about. It was stupid, but he couldn't help it; the old Xander Harris insecurity was rearing its ugly head.

"’Course not. Was earlier though; opened the door to catch the scent of the guy you'd been unfaithful to me with? Lucky thing for you I've got a soul or you'd never get your security deposit back. As it was, I trapped him against the door and had to restrain myself from at least hurting him." Spike smiled softly at the glimmer of happiness he saw on Xander's face. "What? You thought I didn't care? Silly sod. If I didn't care, I'd have killed him."

"So, what happened?"

"We talked. About you, about Angelus, about William. He didn't understand why I was so different from the poof, so I explained things to 'im a bit. Then he told me about the two of you." Xander watched - somewhat fascinated - as Spike's eyes glazed over. "Christ, pet. Connor never stood a chance, did he? He told me how you seduced him, how you kissed him and touched him. The things you did... with that mouth you could seduce the very devil himself, you know."

Xander was actually getting turned on listening to Spike talk about the things he had done to and with Connor. He realised with dawning horror that Spike would smell it, that he would know that he was aroused by this. Spike smiled and took Xander's hand and guided it to the bulge in the front of his jeans. "S'okay, love. I'm right there with you."

"What are we gonna do, Spike? This is wrong, I love you."

"And I love you. Doesn't mean we don't find other people attractive. I can see why you'd pick him; he's a pretty little thing." Spike leered at Xander and then got serious again. "But, it doesn't happen again. You don't fuck anyone but me." Xander nodded and then Spike added as an afterthought, "Well, not unless I'm there too, and I agree to it."

Xander looked up at Spike in shock. He hadn't expected that. The idea of fucking someone else while Spike watched - maybe joined in - was not helping his hard-on go away, but he was bothered by it, too. "Spike? How can that be okay? I mean, if we love each other, how could we... be with someone else?"

"Doesn't have to be that way. I loved Dru, and she always came first with me, but we had other lovers - shared lovers - from time to time. Didn't mean I loved her any less. 'Course, there was Angelus, too. I loved both of them, was never happier than when I was sandwiched between them. It is possible to love more than onrsonrson at a time, pet."

Xander absorbed the information and then turned startled eyes on his lover. "You like him!" At Spike's curious expression Xander continued. "Connor. You like him. You... find him attractive, don't you?"

Spike sighed. "Yeah, pet. I do. Not just in a physical sense though. He reminds me of you, of me, he's... " Spike trailed off looking for the right word.

"A loser, an outcast. One of us."

"Yeah. I feel for him, he's had a rough life. Raised in a hell dimension by a man who ... well let's just say his idea of love is very twisted. No wonder the kid’s a mess; you don't raise children like that. It's just wrong." Spike's eyes flashed yellow and Xander swallowed. Obviously Connor had told Spike a lot more about himself than Xander knew about him. "Come on, let's go back out there and convince the kid to stay."

"Okay, but could you stop calling him a kid? He's nineteen. That's onhreehree years younger than me." Xander tried to look indignant.

Spike snorted. "Xan, love, compared to me, Rupert is a kid. I'm over a hundred."

"Oh. Yeah." Xander grinned, "Cradle robber!"

"Could call you the same, love."

"Peroxide abuser."

"Necrophiliac."

"Billy Idol wanna-be."

"Watch it love, you're not too old to go over my knee."

~!~