False Claims

Chapter Forty





God, the waiting was unbearable. As she anxiously checked her watch for the 27th time Cordelia though that whoever said “Thank God It’s Friday” should be beaten. Then shot. Then beaten again.



The whole day had been crappy. Of course, any day that culminates in a date with the evil dead probably isn’t going to be all flowers and sunshine. But still, did it all have to suck?



Apparently so, she thought with a sigh as she checked her watch yet again.



First she’d run into Xander in the hallway after English. Not the ‘see you across the way’ run in, but the ‘wasn’t looking where I was going drop all my books’ kind of collision. Xander had, of course, immediately begun to pick up her books, but Cordelia hadn’t been able to hide the automatic look of panic at his nearness. A corresponding look of hurt crossed his young and earnest face and he limited himself to retrieving his own books, leaving Cordelia’s to her.



A sharp pain pierced her heart at the memory. She’d wanted so badly to reach out to him then; to tell him that things would work out. But she was starting to believe that they wouldn’t. After all, if things were working out she’d hardly be standing here now, pacing in her foyer, waiting to spend the evening with someone who considered her a pet.



And, as if the encounter with Xander hadn’t been hard enough, Giles had cornered her in the library before she left and tried to get her to agree to spend the weekend with Buffy again. An idea which she’d immediately nipped in the bud.



Explaining to Giles that her parents were home, Cordelia had stressed that she needed to spend time with them this weekend or they would begin to think she’d fallen in with a bad crowd.



“Which,” she’d added with a roll of her eyes, “wouldn’t be far from the truth.”



Luckily Giles didn’t know that she could probably disappear off the map for months and as long as she didn’t do anything to “embarrass them”, her parents weren’t likely to notice at all.



Still, her ploy had worked and she was sans Buffy for the next few days. Of course the fact that Buffy was just as reluctant as Cordelia to spend the weekend together and therefore did little in the way of rebutting her arguments, helped.



Then she’d arrived home to find that a package had been delivered for her while she was at school. Thank God Constance had accepted it and not her parents, because while it’s not likely that they’d question her about it, this was the Hellmouth and she really needed to save all of her luck for tonight.



She knew the moment that she saw it that it would be the outfit Angelus had promised her. Eyeing the box she noticed that it wasn’t big enough for the body to be in with attire, so that was a plus.



Expecting a repeat of the last time he’d dressed her, Cordelia was surprised at the dress she found buried in layers of tissue paper.



Hunter green silk overlaid with the sheerest chiffon in a lighter shade of green, the dress was far more modest than she would have ever expected from the vampire. Although the halter top left her neck and shoulders bear, it completely covered her breast with no cleavage showing whatsoever. And though it clung gently to her figure, the soft flair in the fabric at her hips ended in a swirl of material that brushed almost demurely at her knees. Although the effect was stunning, it was so far a cry from the leather and chains of their first “date” that she almost questioned that it had come from Angelus.



Of course, the accompanying card cleared up any lingering doubts.





Cordelia ~



I expect you ready at 8:00. Making me come looking for you would be a mistake.



You have an appointment at 4:30 at Reynard’s. Don’t worry; the bill has been taken care of.



~ Angelus





That last part had her seeing red, which was obviously what the stupid vampire had intended. Knowing that was one of a billion sore spots between them he just had to push the issue to reinforce her helplessness. Cordelia thought she might choke on her hatred even as she climbed into the car and drove to the salon as ordered.



When she’d arrived they’d seen to her immediately, making her wonder exactly what Angelus had done to them to make them treat her with such kid gloves. Not even asking what she preferred, they set to work, giving her a facial and a manicure, doing her makeup, and sweeping her hair up into a complex, ornate style that she noted seemed to emphasize the scar on her neck that she worked so hard to hide.



Arriving back home she dressed, slipped on a pair of sandals which added 3 unnecessary but confidence building inches to her height, and took up her current position at the front door.



It wasn’t that she was eager to begin another night of torment; it was just that she wanted to head Angelus off before her parents saw him. They’d probably be so grateful that he wasn’t Xander that they’d invite him in without a second thought, and that was a good as a death sentence in this instance.



Cordelia was pulled away from such morbid musings by the pair of headlights she could see through the ornately carved glass panels in her front doors. The last thing she’d expected was him to show up at the door. Dammit, they had security gates for a reason, and she really didn’t want to know how the vampire had procured the code for them. Grabbing her purse and her wrap she managed to fling the door open just as Angelus was preparing to ring the bell.



Angelus’ hand hovered over the doorbell in shock, not due to the sudden opening of the door, but to the picture of loveliness before him.



Soft and elegant, she was the epitome of femininity. Her skin appeared lit from within against the material that tenderly caressed each curve that it touched. Although in no way revealing, it was almost more erotic as it made one picture, in painful detail, what was concealed by the thin kiss of fabric.



“You’re a vision.”



His voice was husky and throbbing with the same desire that darkened his simmering gaze, and for Cordelia there could be no doubting his words.



Although she had never lacked admirers, at that moment, as the focus of this being’s unwavering longing, Cordelia felt wanted in a way that she’d hadn’t imagined she could. And although she knew it should appall her, instead it caused a liquid heat to surge through her body leaving her teetering on the edge of something she didn’t quite understand.



It frustrated her, this dual nature of his. Tender and concerned one moment, possessive and overbearing the next. What bothered her most was that it was starting to not bother her.



Although, intellectually, she knew that was the bond, it was beyond her control to inhibit. Angelus was right; there were people she cared about, that she wanted to protect, and his willingness, eagerness to hurt them gave him an unlimited amount of control over her.



All she could do was to keep reminding herself that Angelus was a killer with no redeeming qualities, and any feeling she had to the contrary was a result of the bond he was slowly forcing on her. That was really the only defense she had left, and she knew that if she lost sight of that, if she allowed herself to see any other side of him, for even a moment, she’d be lost.



Cocking his head to the side, Angelus pushed his senses past the sensuous sight before him and extended them to the house beyond. Hearing two additional heartbeats, he realized that her parents were home. Oh, he knew they were back in town. There’s no way that something like the return of Cordelia’s parents could occur without him knowing, but the fact that they were actually in their home and not out at some business dinner or society party was surprising. It certainly explained his greeting at the door.



“So Cordelia, isn’t it only proper for me to meet your parents? Declare my intentions and all.”



Angelus couldn’t contain his shout of laughter at the absolute look of horror that crossed Cordelia’s face at his suggestion. Before he could say another word she was outside with the door firmly closed, her wrap and her purse which were already in her hands further proof that she was intending to head off any interaction between him and her parents.



“There’s no way I’m letting you anywhere near my parents. It’s bad enough that I have to put up with this without getting them involved.”



“Eventually they’re going to have to know. I mean sure, they’re not great parents by a long shot, but don’t you think they’re going to wonder what’s going on when you’re living with me?”



Cordelia’s mouth fell open in stunned disbelief at his proclamation. Closing it with an audible snap she resolved to ignore all such statements tonight. The last thing she wanted was to have this argument of ownership over and over again. Besides, even as rebellious as she knew she could be, a part of her worried that if she pushed him too far, defied him too often, he’d end this bizarre courtship and make good on all of his threats. She just had to keep reminding herself that these were just words. Horrible, endlessly distressing words, but words nonetheless. And, being the realist she was, words were definitely preferable to actions in this case.



“Look,” Cordelia hissed at him, “you wanted a night out which, by definition means not being in. So why don’t we get going. After all, the sooner we start the sooner we’ll be done, right?”



Now it was Angelus’ turn to let unpleasant words flow by. He could allow Cordelia to hang on to her denial a little longer. Tonight was about pleasure, showing Cordelia that there was more to him than the nightmarish tales that she’d been told. Not that those tales were untrue, they just weren’t all there was to him. And although usually those were the parts that he wanted people to know about him, in Cordelia’s case he wanted her to see more than that. It would make it easier for her in the long run. True, with the bond between them eventually she’d come to him no matter what she thought about him; but he wanted more than that. He wanted her to want him, genuinely want him; above and beyond their connection so that there wasn’t a part of her that wasn’t consumed by him.



And the first step to that end was a lovely evening. Starting now.



Relieving Cordelia of her wrap he swirled it in an arc so that it landed gently around her shoulders. Pulling her into his side, arm firmly around her waist, he escorted her to the passenger side of a black Plymouth convertible.



“You have a car.” Cordelia felt kind of silly having pointed out the obvious, but the idea had never really occurred to her. “I always thought you preferred to skulk around everywhere all stalker-like.”



Laughter welled up once more in Angelus’ chest. She really was so entertaining.



“While the joy of skulking can’t be overstated, sometimes driving is necessary. Like when accompanied by a beautiful woman for the evening. You didn’t honestly expect me to drag you all over Sunnydale on foot, did you? If so, those heels are ridiculously inappropriate.”



Cordelia suppressed her smile at his gentle teasing. There was no room for anything but hatred where her feelings for Angelus were concerned. And suddenly she had the disconcerting feeling that tonight was going to test that particular resolve.







Chapter Forty One





The restaurant was beyond beautiful. Just outside of Sunnydale, the small establishment was hidden at the end of an oak lined lane, nestled on a bluff overlooking the Pacific. The decor was elegant yet understated doing nothing to distract from the windows running the lengths of the walls that captivated the diners with breathtaking panoramas of the dark ocean below.



Seated in a dim, sheltered corner, the romantic atmosphere was not lost on Cordelia who was already having a difficult time controlling the tingles running through her body even before they’d reached this lover’s hideaway. This was so the opposite of what she needed to be doing. She just had to remember that this was about saving lives; lives that were in danger thanks to the monster across from her. The incredibly hot monster across from her. And the need to refocus grew.



A waiter, so discreet he nearly blended into the surroundings, quietly approached to provide menus. Waving them away Angelus ordered dinner for her and what sounded like two very expensive bottles of wine.



Cordelia gave a token thought to protesting his nerve in even this that he didn’t think that she could choose dinner for herself. But in the end she knew that this was minor compared to everything else going on.



“Let it go.” She repeated silently to herself. When that didn’t work she moved on to the deep breaths. Glancing up she caught the amusement spreading across Angelus’ face.



“You know, you’re going to hyperventilate and pass out.”



“Wow. And miss some of this fabulous evening. God forbid.”



She’d tried as hard as she could, but holding back was never Cordelia’s strong suit.



“You know, I can manage to order for myself. Been eating almost all my life; I’m pretty clear on what I like.”



“Tonight’s our time to get to know each other, Cordelia, and I don’t want you having to think about anything but me.”



“Well that plan’s working.” She snapped back. “‘Cause all I can think about right now is what a jerk your are.”



Angelus leaned back and watched Cordelia’s not so subtle pouting. It was amazing what love could do. Behavior that mere weeks ago would have resulted in an immediate neck snapping was now cute and endearing.



It was a common misconception among those rare few people who knew about vampires and hadn’t been eaten by them, that they lacked feelings. Nothing could be further from the truth. Why would an eternity be worth living if you couldn’t truly experience it? And right now he was enjoying the Hell out of every emotion the young woman in front of him pulled kicking and screaming from his chest.



Resisting the urge to laugh out loud at the girl and interrupt the show, his willpower was wasted as the waiter approached and Cordelia arranged her lovely features into a passive expression; obviously perfected by years of exposure to situations requiring the phoniness generally known as “the social niceties.”



The waiter set an artfully arranged salad in front of Cordelia and filled her glass from one of the two bottles of wine. Turning to Angelus he poured from the other bottle; a dark red liquid that was a little to thick to be simply fermented grape juice.



Bringing the glass to his lips Angelus raised an inquiring eyebrow at the girl across from him. “Does it bother you?”



“That you drink blood. Pfft. Like that never occurred to me before. Gross but not shocking. And bonus points because at least it’s not mine.”



If she’d known how much her answer pleased him, Angelus was sure she would have responded differently. He was glad that she wasn’t hiding from who he was. Sure, it would make the adjustment a little more difficult for her, but it was something she was going to have to accept sooner or later; her tendency to deal with things head on and her casual acknowledgment just now meant that it would probably be sooner. He hoped it would be soon enough.



Tonight, just sitting here with her it was almost more than he could do to keep from bundling her out of the restaurant and dragging her back home with him where she belonged. She’d adjust. She’d have no choice. But he wanted more from Cordelia. He wanted her to need him. He wanted her to burn for him. True, he could shape her with violence and agony, but given the choice he’d rather mould her with desire and passion. She would be an endless source of pleasure for years to come; he could certainly afford to invest this time in her.



In an effort to avoid Angelus’ increasingly heated gaze Cordelia began to eat her salad with a single-minded purpose. But as time passed she couldn’t help but throw covert, questioning glances his way from beneath her lashes.



“What?”



Obviously her glances hadn’t been quite as covert as she’d intended.



“Excuse me?” Cordelia opted for denial.



Angelus’ mouth tilted in a way that made him seem all too boyish. An innocent look that Cordelia thought nature should not have allowed this vicious predator even as it tugged at her heartstrings.



“The considering looks. I assumed that this began the portion of the evening where you explained to me, once again, why we can’t be together.”



Well, since he’d brought it up. “Would that work?”



“No.”



There was a finality in those words that settled despair around the brunette with such weight that it seemed to bow her figure.



Genuinely curious Angelus asked the dejected girl before him, “You didn’t really think that would work, did you?”



Letting out her breath in one long sigh Cordelia straightened her shoulders as her resolve rebuilt itself right before his eyes.



“Not really, but I’m running out of hope here.”



He smiled at her with an odd sense of understanding.



“Good. You don’t need hope, Cordelia. You have me.”



Picking up her fork once more she stabbed at her salad muttering, “I’d rather have hope.”



This time there was nothing hidden about the glare she threw his way.



“Of course, at this point I’d rather have a terminal illness.”



Laughter seemed to be the order of the night as Angelus’ head tilted back and the merry sound poured forth.



“If this is how you act on all your dates I can see how you were forced to settle for the moron.”



It was as if he’d struck her. She flinched as the words hit her ears and her face drained of color. In a pained whisper borne of the anguish pooled deep inside her one word slipped out.



“Don’t.”



As exquisite as she wore her suffering, Angelus was torn by the hurt he was witnessing. On the one hand it was proof the she was indeed keeping her distance from the boy. On the other it was merely more evidence that she’d given a part of herself to someone other than him.



That thought would drive him to distraction if he let it, and that’s not what this night was about.



“You’re right. This is not the time for unpleasantness. This is the time for us to get to know one another.”



Sometimes Cordelia wondered if she shouldn’t just stay in a state of shock around Angelus to save herself the grind of switching gears so often.



Laughing harshly she derided his festive date activity.



“Let’s see. You - crazy, sadistic vampire. Check. Me - not. Check. Well, this has been fun.”



As she threw her napkin on the table and started to rise she was halted by Angelus voice which, while amused, would clearly brook no argument.



“True, I may be slightly sadistic,” He smirked, being unable to keep a straight face at such a tremendous understatement, “But I’m hardly crazy. I’m the product of my nature, Cordelia. My behavior may be abhorrent to you, but it is exactly as intended.”



“Yes, I’m a predator, but so is the lion. Do you hate him for eating the gazelle? Do you hate the wolf for eating the rabbit?”



“What gives humans the ultimate rights to existence; to decide what’s necessary in the universe and what’s superfluous? Believe me; I understand why people want to kill vampires. After all, it’s only fair, we want to kill you. But to think that somehow it’s wrong that we exist; isn’t that rather arrogant of you?”



Cordelia wondered if it was the bond when the things he said like this made a weird kind of sense. In some ways it made her wonder about the information they got from the Watcher’s Council. Not Angelus’ earlier, laughable claim that they were putting out vampire misinformation, but maybe they just didn’t know everything there was to know about this particular type of demon. Sure, they did lots of killing, but was that all they did? And would the Council know? ‘Cause really, how many vampires would want to hang out with them? How many people would want to hang out with them? She cared a lot for Giles, but he certainly wasn’t the most exciting book in the library.



Still, if Angelus thought that convincing her that he was a natural born killer was going to further his cause he was indeed, crazy.



“That just sounds like more reason for me to stay away from you.”



Angelus’ reply required no thought. “Not happening.”



Swirling the liquid in his glass he captured her gaze. “Cordelia, those things are part of who I am, but they’re not all I am. I have interests other than killing...they’re just not as fun.”



The wink that accompanied that statement as he took a drink from his wineglass sent a shot of amusement through her; and wasn’t that just wrong.



“Yeah,” Cordelia shot back, “‘Cause Angel sure seemed like buckets of fun.”



If she was trying to upset him with the mention of his souled persona, the upturn of his lips declared her failure.



“The soul.” Angelus let out a longsuffering sigh. “The soul had two hobbies - brooding and feeling guilty. Luckily, I share neither of those interests. But before the soul, I remember a time...”







Chapter Forty Two





Her sides actually hurt she’d laughed so much. This was definitely not the way she’d envisioned the evening going at all. Angelus had more than lived up to his claim that he enjoyed past times other than killing and he had spent the evening regaling her with of tales of days gone by that were fascinating both for their content and their historical context.



As the waiter left the last of their dinner dishes she couldn’t help returning to his latest story to pepper him with questions.



“So you’re saying that Spike started a war in Africa?”



Angelus could only stare at the enthralling image before him. Flushed from an evening of laughter her skin was tinted a pale pink and her hazel eyes were like bright jewels in her flawless face. Her curiosity and increasing delight pleased him no end and he gave thanks to Spike and his antics for which, at the time he’d usually beaten his unruly grandchilde.



“Well, I wouldn’t say that he started it, per se, but his being there certainly didn’t help. Of course, not many people can be around Spike for long without losing control of their violent impulses. He has that effect on people.”



Rising gracefully to his feet, Angelus held out his hand to Cordelia. Her eyes dimmed just a touch at the realization that the carefree part of the evening was over and now she was journeying back into uncharted waters. Still, she grasped the hand offered her and allowed him to pull her to her feet.



He must have been known at the restaurant, because there was no bill to settle, nor did they stop except to gather his coat and her wrap. Making their way out into the clear night, Cordelia was caught off guard as she was suddenly enveloped in his long, heavy coat. Knowing that it couldn’t possibly be for the same reasons as the last time he covered her in this manner and since her velvet shawl was more than adequate for a walk to the car in the still evening she looked at him in inquiry.



Encircling her waist with his arm, Angelus led Cordelia down a brick pathway on the side of the restaurant. It was canopied by arching oak branches, and when they stepped out from beneath the cover all Cordelia could do was gasp at the captivating sight before her.



Spread before her was a garden filled to overflowing with flowers. Every kind imaginable was there in colors that even the moonlight could barely dim. This was a place of fairytales; of princesses who didn’t bother waiting around in towers but still lived happily ever after. It was thrumming wit life in a way that only certain areas of nature can be; and it pulled her into its harmonious atmosphere with less effort than it took for her to cross the threshold into this paradise.



“It’s beautiful.” She breathed out in awe as she pulled away from Angelus to make her way through the blooms.



“You’re beautiful.” And she was. Of course, Cordelia was always beautiful, but standing in the moonlight, enraptured by all that she saw, swamped by his coat, he believed that in that one moment in time she was perfection.



“Yeah, that’s me, beautiful Cordelia, beating the boys off with a stick.” And it was true. That was who she used to be; before Xander, before Angelus.



Taking a moment to inhale the delicate fragrance of the honeysuckle, Cordelia missed the vampire’s angry demeanor and his rapid approach.



As he spun her to face him she realized instantly what had upset him.



“Stop.” And with the kind of daring only Cordelia seemed to posses, she smacked the vampire in the chest as she rolled her eyes at him. “Geez, why do you always have to be so possessive? Have you never heard of trust?”



Angelus studied the girl before him for a moment, not sure if she was serious or not.



“So you’re saying I could trust you to stay with me?”



Cordelia paused for the briefest of seconds, wondering if she should lie. But lies weren’t all that easy. They were difficult to remember, and even if you could keep them straight they took on a life of their own. Just look at the lies she’d told for Angelus.



“No. No matter what I’m feeling right now or how much I’m enjoying being with you, I can’t forget who you are. What you are.”



Not the answer he wanted to hear, but in its own way it was almost better. It was so full of honesty. She hadn’t lied to get him to relax his guard, and more than that she’d admitted to having feelings for him and enjoying his company. It was rare to find someone who was so honest even when it didn’t necessarily serve their purposes.



He still remembered when Buffy returned the summer after facing The Master. She’d toyed with Xander’s feelings and with the soul’s. And while he couldn’t care less about either of them, it was that kind of game that he hated. And sure, Buffy had been going through something, but no one could argue that Cordelia wasn’t going through just as much, if not more. And yet she seemed prone to leave those games to others.



Turning his mind back to her statement he replied, “What makes you think that I want you to forget? Cordelia, I’m not Angel. I like both who and what I am. I don’t want redemption; I don’t want to right the wrongs of the world. I don’t long endlessly for the sun.”



Cordelia had no illusions that it was Angel before her, so most of his remarks came as no surprise. That last one, however, caught her unawares.



“You don’t miss the sun?” She couldn’t fathom not being able to walk out in the bright golden light.



“What do you think moonlight is, Cordelia? It’s just reflected sunlight, purified and safe.”



Casting him a teasing glance from beneath her lashes Cordelia asked, “So I’m not the sunshine of your life?”



Angelus found himself laughing once again. This whole night had been surprising in that regard. Not just his laughter, but hers also. He’d meant it when he’s said he wasn’t Angel. Angel didn’t just live in misery, he wallowed in it. Sometimes he wondered how he’d ever managed to get happy enough to lose the soul. Must be low standards. But brooding? That wasn’t Angelus’ style. He liked being happy, and he’d certainly been right about Cordelia, she was making him increasingly happy.



“Hmmm...The sunshine of my life? No, like the moon, you’re a glorious reflection of the sun’s light. You’re safe and warm but you never burn. You’re my own personal moonbeam.”



Putting his arm back around her Angelus began leading her back to the car. And as she left this little Shangri-la on the Pacific, she wondered at the sad state of her life that that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to her.



Since Cordelia was already secured in his coat Angelus decided on having the Plymouth’s top down for their ride home. It was one more romantic facet to a night that was already leaving her awash in a sea of confusion. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, she was sure of it. She understood the hormonal component. She didn’t like it, but she understood it. But these feelings, she wasn’t sure where they were coming from.



Angelus had told her, that night on her balcony that the bond created feelings of love in both parties, but she hadn’t thought that was possible. How could a bite make her love anyone, least of all a killer? Her affections were still hers to give, right?



That thought and others like it crowded her head ‘til her conclusion flew from her lips.



“They aren’t real. These feelings aren’t real.”



If his hearing wasn’t quite so sensitive her soft statement would have been lost in the rush of wind that whipped around them. Shifting his eyes momentarily from the road he was captivated by the poignant expression on her face, her bottom lip caught between her even, white teeth as she lost herself in her thoughts.



Turning his attention back to the road he spoke, his strong voice carrying over the wind.



“You think because of our connection your feelings aren’t real? They’re real, Cordelia. They’re emotions. They are what they are for as long as they last. There’s no right and wrong, and the bond doesn’t make this artificial.”



“A mother loves her newborn child. Why? She doesn’t know who they are or what they’ll be. Their potential for evil and their potential for good are both equal in the unwritten book of their life. And yet she’s enraptured by the life she’s created. Because, like us, they have a bond. Does that make her feelings for her child false, worthless? Of course not. Our feelings are real, too.”



Reaching over, Angelus took her hand in his firm grip and intertwined their fingers. It was a simple gesture, the least erotic of all the touches they’d shared, and yet there was something profoundly moving in the chaste joining that seemed to tighten something unknown in her chest as something equally unrecognized seemed to loosen.



Not knowing what to make of all these new feelings and knowing she’d never sort them out in the presence of the vampire beside her she closed her eyes and let the sharp bite of the night air distract her from her deluge of whirling thoughts.



As the wind died down Cordelia realized they must be approaching her house. She let her lids flutter open as the car rolled to a stop. Releasing her hand, Angelus exited the car and opened her door. Helping her to her feet he escorted her to the door.



Turning to face him she knew she was pushing her luck, but she had to ask, “That’s it? It’s over and I’m home?”



Not being able to resist her upturned face Angelus gently ran his knuckles down the velvety softness of her cheek.



“Isn’t that our standard deal? You, home, safe and sound?”



Cordelia had a feeling she was being mocked. That he knew that any deals they made were subject to his whims and not to any real control she had. And yet the teasing, like so many things that night, was so gentle that it was comforting instead of grating.



Still not ready to deal with these emerging feelings, she busied herself pulling her keys from her purse. Turning towards the door she was startled as they were swiftly extracted from her grip.



Suddenly the fingers that had caressed her face grasped her chin tilting her lips up to meet his descending mouth. With a whisper soft stroke his lips brushed hers, an ethereal touch meant to last mere moments in time but to linger in the heart.



Pushing the button to unlock the doors in front of which they stood, Angelus pressed the keys back into Cordelia’s hand, smiling down at the dazed girl.



“Goodnight, Moonbeam.”



Snapping abruptly back to reality, Cordelia turned without another word and walked into her house. Closing the door she leaned against it and rubbed a hand over her eyes wearily. She had a feeling that of all the dangerous situations she’d been in with Angelus tonight was the worst. Tonight he’ managed to become more than a monster, to be more than the sum of the lives he’d taken. And for the first time her terror was for more than her life. It was for her heart.







Chapter Forty Three





As her heels started to sink, once again, into the soft ground beneath her, Cordelia wondered what had happened to her life that her Tuesday night concerns were not the midweek pop quiz in biology, but rather how to keep from sinking into someone’s grave while she and the “Scoobies” set up some anti-demon ritual. Life sucked.



“Geez, guys, any day now.” Cordelia didn’t want to rush them but...well; actually she did want to rush them. Even her homework had to be better than this.



Apparently finished drawing the necessary symbols within the large circle he’d made, Giles stood and addressed the group.



“Alright, everyone stand within the circle and repeat the words exactly as I say them.”



Before Giles could quote the first passage of the incantation, he was interrupted by a high pitched shriek. Looking up he encountered a chilling sight as he watched Cordelia being wrapped in the iron embrace of Angelus.



“Watcher.” Angelus’ voice was nothing but a vicious snarl. Ignoring Buffy who had a stake out within seconds of seeing the vampire, his focus was instead reserved solely for Giles. “I thought I’d made myself perfectly clear about Cordelia’s place in your little gang.”



Even with his slayer armed and at the ready Giles felt chills race down his spine at the menace coming from the dark figure in front of him.



“God, do you like get a nickel for every rule you make? I’m gonna need some kind of book if you keep this up. You said to stop with the bait thing. Well, guess what? I’m not bait girl tonight. I’m ‘get rid of a demon ritual’ girl. I’m not the target and everything was going fine until you showed up.”



Sometimes Cordelia thought fate would have nothing to do if it wasn’t mocking her. For the moment she proclaimed the safety of their little group an enormous demon burst through the bushes and rampaged its way towards them.



Pushing Cordelia behind him, Angelus turned toward the creature approaching them and his features rippled to reveal his true face as a low rumble built in his chest and radiated outward in threatening bursts.



Loathe to turn her back on the vampire, Buffy had no choice but to also face the hulking figure baring down on them. However she needn’t have bothered as it came to an abrupt halt, eyes focused on Angelus.



Something almost animal passed between the two non-humans and, as recognition flared in its eyes, the demon, who moments before would have charged a slayer, spun on its heels and fled.



Slayer instincts screaming at her not to let the evil behemoth escape, but knowing that she couldn’t leave her friends at the mercy of Angelus she whirled to confront the vampire only to find empty air that had previously been filled with the vampire and his obsession.



“Damn it!” Giles bit out as he realized the couple was gone. He knew how dangerous it was for Cordelia to be so near the vampire. He worried less about it affecting Angelus as he seemed to have completely given into it, but Cordelia still had a chance.



Cursing himself for letting her come out with them tonight no matter how important it had been to have a fifth person for the spell, he motioned to Buffy to follow the demon.



“Hey!” Xander was livid. Not only had Angelus snuck up on them and taken Cordelia, but now they weren’t even going to go after her?



He wasn’t stupid. He knew that the decisions Cordelia had made recently had been about protecting everyone. Protecting him. And he knew it was killing her. He could see it in her eyes every time their gazes clashed before they could look away and pretend that they hadn’t been searching each other out.



“I think that Cordelia takes precedence over a demon that’s so pathetic he runs away at a little grumbling.”



“Xander, while I appreciate your feelings concerning Cordelia and I share them completely, the demon we just saw didn’t leave because of “a little grumbling” as you’ve so quaintly phrased it, but rather because he recognized Angelus as the dominant force here on the Hellmouth. The vampire was making it clear that his territory was being compromised and so the demon left. Sadly for us the forces of darkness here are far more organized than one might believe. There’s a hierarchy of power and at this time Angelus resides at the top.”



“As for the merits of pursuing the demon over pursuing Cordelia I would choose to chase after the former simply because we may actually stand a chance of overtaking it, whereas Cordelia won’t be found until Angelus is ready to return her.”



“I know it’s difficult for you to hear this, but I have reason to believe that not only will he not hurt her, but that Angelus will return Cordelia relatively soon. We won’t be able to find her and while we spend the night in fruitless searching that demon will be out killing people. The best thing that we can do is to let Buffy do her duty as the slayer while we return to the library to await word from Cordelia.”



Giles’ voice was suddenly weary as he lost the authority of a watcher and became simply a person who was missing someone he cared for, just like the boy in front of him. “I’m worried about her, too, Xander.”



Hearing the anguish in the older man’s voice did little to still the anger and helplessness warring for supremacy in his eyes Xander brushed past the watcher on his way back towards the library. Pausing for a moment he turned back.



“You know this is wrong, Giles.”



And with that he started forward again, heedless of the dangers of the night.



As Willow began quietly collecting their supplies she heard Giles mutter, “More wrong than you can know.”







Chapter Forty Four





“Stop. Stop! I’m gonna hurl!”



And that stopped the roller coaster as Angelus hastily set the wriggling bundle in his arms back onto her feet.



“What is your damage? You’re upset, I get that. But what’s with the vomit making rush through Sunnydale? You seemed to be doing just fine getting upset in the cemetery. Why’d you have to drag me here?”



Cordelia stopped her tirade briefly to take in her surroundings. “And where the Hell is here?”



It was a tightly controlled voice that answered her angry questions.



“Here is Willy’s. I have a meeting her tonight. And as for why you’re no longer in the cemetery, I think a better question would be what were you doing in the cemetery to begin with? And don’t give me that shit about you not being bait. There’s not a place in this town that you could stand that wouldn’t have all manner of demons panting after you. You certainly don’t have to compound that by spending times in graveyards.”



“This is non-negotiable, Cordelia. I’ve let you stay with your friends for now because I thought we all had a clear understanding of acceptable behavior. If I can’t be assured that the most basic of precautions are being taken, then I can easily arrange for your time with them to end. Do we understand each other?”



Cordelia cast him a considering look. Part of her wanted snap at the big, dumb vampire in front of her. The other, more honest part had to admit that they did nearly get attacked by that demon in the cemetery tonight, so he might have a tiny, minuscule point about the dangers of Sunnydale after dark.



To push or not to push, that was her eternal question. Which, honestly, she almost never bothered asking and just went straight for the pushing. But spending large amounts of time with a homicidal maniac had done more to develop discretion in her than anything else in the entirety of her life.



Taking a deep breath Cordelia began pacing back and forth as she prepared to walk as fine and delicate a line between tact and honesty as her nature could allow.



“Look, you’re obviously an idiot and your rules are arbitrary and obnoxious. However, I understand that I don’t get a lot of say in this right now. I didn’t go to the cemetery tonight to piss you off, I went because you didn’t say I couldn’t help and I figured it would be relatively safe with the slayer and the whole ritual designed to get rid of that particular pest.”



“I think I’ve been pretty clear about how I feel about all your rules. But I’ve done my best to limit myself, and sure, usually that’s because you’re all, “I’m gonna kill this person or maim that person.” And I cave. We both know it. But I still think I’ve done better than either of us expected. So cut me some slack here, alright.”



It seemed that the more Cordelia paced the more she worked herself up and the more agitated she became the less discreet she was. Stalking back in his direction she stopped directly in front of him and reaching out a finger she poked the startled vampire in the chest.



“Frankly, I don’t see how you even have the nerve to complain. This is all your fault if you ask me.”



Having too much fun to point out that nobody had actually asked her he merely cocked an eyebrow in her direction and waited for her to enlighten him as to his culpability in this situation. He wasn’t left waiting long.



“You’re all ‘King of the Hellmouth’ guy. Why do you let the demons run wild? What kind of management technique is that? Can’t you issue evil doing permits or something? ‘Cause if you’d bother to control this crap I wouldn’t be all needing to save the world on a Tuesday night. You know, I’ve got homework. I have quizzes, dammit!”



In the mood she was in Angelus wasn’t certain what she’d do if he laughed in her face, but he was about to find out as he couldn’t restrain his mirth one moment longer.



Cordelia’s response was lightening fast.



“Arrgh!” And she turned with every intention of stomping off into the night.



Laughter still lurking in his voice, Angelus cut thoughts of escape short.



“Now don’t be like that, sweetheart.” Reaching out he caught her arm in a gentle but unyielding grip.



Well, if looks could kill he’d certainly be deader, but that could hardly bother him now that she was here with him. Ignoring her somewhat humorous attempts to break free he tugged the struggling girl behind him as he made his way into Willy’s. Not sparing a glance for the nervous owner behind the bar, Angelus towed the fuming brunette to the back of the room. Sitting with his back towards the wall and the entire establishment within his view, he gave an easy pull on Cordelia’s still entrapped wrist, his arms sliding around her waist as she fell onto his lap.



“Angelus.” She hissed out as she squirmed, trying to find a way out of the predicament in which she now found herself.



Moving his arms lower so that they encircled her hips he pressed her tight against him, ending the gyrating movement of her lower body.



“Cordelia, as much as I’m enjoying this, you might not want to start things you’re not ready to finish.”



The hard length pressing into her backside convinced Cordelia that Angelus was no longer teasing her, and while she didn’t care for the current seating arrangement she certainly didn’t want to make a bad situation worse. Stilling immediately she held herself rigid so as not to rock the large boat currently nestled against her.



“Now there’s no need for both of us to be stiff.” Angelus told the unmoving girl as his arms slid back up her waist, turning her slightly and settling her back against his chest. Rubbing his right hand slowly up and down her back his cheek swept over her silky hair, drawing the sent of her into his lungs as he kept his eyes on the door.



Cordelia could feel her eyelids begin to slide closed as Angelus hands smoothed over her spine stopping every now and then to rub in small circles. She was in a demon bar in the arms of her enemy, and yet she felt almost boneless as she floated in a sea of relaxation. She tried to work up some anxiety. To be a good almost Scooby. But it was almost as if the world outside the arms that held her had ceased to exist. Maybe Giles could find a spell that would reverse this insanity. She’d ask him tomorrow. But tonight...well, she just snuggled closer. No point fighting if there’s no chance you can win, right?



Angelus rested his chin on the top of Cordelia’s head, a satisfied smile settling on his face as he felt her cuddle closer into his chest. She was so soft and warm and she fit in his arms so perfectly that he almost decided to skip his meeting. But patience was the word for the day and his self-control might be seldom used, but it was strong. Although he was loathe to admit it, years of denial gave him an edge over his appetites even without the soul.



Besides, he’d always enjoyed anticipation. It was a fact that something that took hard work to get was more valued. And Cordelia would definitely be valued for years to come. Sometimes he wondered if she knew what was in store for her. He questioned how specific the watcher was with her. But mostly he didn’t care. He wanted her, and that desire was far larger than her need to understand or her acceptance. Those things would come in time, and that was certainly something he had plenty of. She was in his arms now and that would be a far more frequent occurrence in the near future.



And he had to admit that he loved this feeling. Cordelia, being human, thought the bonding process was something foreign, an external force manipulating her emotions, so she fought it. But as a vampire he’d always been a creature of bonds. They defined all of his relationships and there was nothing more natural to him than to succumb



He had a feeling she’d be angry if she new about the hours he’d spent on her balcony while she slept, using the proximity to help cement their connection. Maybe he’d tell her. There were few things more enjoyable then a spitting mad Cordelia.



Except maybe the version nestled into him now, fighting sleep as it tried to overtake her.



Suddenly he saw his servant walk through the door. With a casual motion of his free hand he waved him over.



Unkempt and harried but otherwise unremarkable he approached the table. He waited to sit until the vampire indicated that he could with a nod towards the chair.



“Master.” The man began respectfully.



No matter how many times he heard that title it never grew old. It reminded him of who he was and what he had accomplished. He was the Master of the Order of Aurelius. He alone held control of the Hellmouth. It almost made up for a century of being burdened with a soul. And he owed so much of it to the girl who’d given in to exhaustion and was lying in peaceful repose in his arms.



The tender smile that crossed his face was so at odds with any expression the man had ever seen on his face during his time of service, that he couldn’t help but follow his master’s gaze to its source.



Although her face was only partially exposed her beauty was obvious with even the most cursory glance. And seeing the girl, so tranquil in the arms of the most vicious creature he’d ever met, his glance lingered, quickly turning into a stare.



“Monroe.” The words, ground out and rasping snapped his eyes back to the vampire’s face. Gone was the look of affection he’d bestowed upon the young woman, and in its place was a terrible gaze, hard as nails and cold as ice.



Abruptly recalling just why he was there he began his report.



“The watcher’s phone calls have all been fairly normal. Both from his office and his home it’s mostly standard local calls. The only ones of note are 7 from the slayer and 3 to the Watcher’s Council. The ones from the slayer were all about odd goings on, demons that she later killed. The ones to the Council were also fairly routine. Most of his dealings with them are in the form of written reports, and the calls all centered on research into adversaries that the slayer was facing.”



“Is that all?” Angelus asked in a much calmer manner.



Assuming the Master appreciated a job well done Monroe was quick to nod his affirmative. “Yes Master, that’s everything.”



With a smooth movement that was a blur to the human eye Angelus pulled a knife from it’s leather sheath on his belt and sent it flying through the air only to have it bury itself with a nauseating sucking sound into Monroe’s throat.



Pulling the still sleeping Cordelia closer to his chest he rose from his seat. Rounding the table he bent over his still gurgling servant, staring into his wild eyes.



“She’s mine. Nobody touches her; no one soils her with their sordid stares. And I’m sure you would have learned your lesson if you weren’t about to die.”



Walking towards the door he turned to Willy.



“Send me the bill for cleaning up the mess.”



And then he was gone.







Chapter Forty Five





“Cordelia. Cordelia, wake up, baby.”



Brushing a kiss across her forehead he found he couldn’t stop and let his lips trail down her cheek until he reached her lips. Slightly parted in her sleep he took advantage of the opening and swept his tongue inside to taste her. It had been far too long.



Walking home with her warm body curled against him had stretched his control to the limit. He knew there was no way she was disappearing behind her protective barrier without feeding the beast she’d raised within him.



Releasing her lips he noticed that her eyes had finally opened. Still dazed from sleep and the drugging passion of their kiss she graced him with a look he’d never seen on her face before. It was the closest thing to love he’d ever gotten from her. Of course she usually only had two expressions with him, one of anger and one of annoyance. This was definitely a step in the right direction.



Coming more fully awake Cordelia realized in whose arms she was and just who she’d been kissing. The annoyance of which Angelus had just been thinking settled heavily on her face, turning down the lips that had just been pressed against those of the vampire who was still holding her tightly to him.



Pressing against Angelus’ chest, Cordelia tried to put some space between them so that she could wiggle her way back to her feet.



Although he was ready to set her down, her desire to escape brought out Angelus’ contrary streak and he held her tighter to his body. He could feel her force herself to relax as she got the point he was conveying. When she was completely pliant in his arms one more he released her legs, sliding her body down the length of his.



As he swallowed his groan at the feel of her supple form pressed against him he saw her reach for her dainty purse slung carelessly across her shoulder. Knowing that she was about to retrieve her keys he stayed her hand.



“Not yet.”



And before she could react she was back in his arms, crushed in his embrace as his lips crashed into hers, forcing her mouth to open as his tongue plunged it hungrily. His hands slid down her back to cup her bottom, pulling her hips into his while pushing his hips into hers.



Cordelia could feel his rigid shaft straining against her through the thin cotton of her pleated skirt. Overwhelmed with the sudden need to touch him she slid her hands inside his jacket, running them slowly over his ribs. As she reached his nipples she paused, the pressed lightly with her palms, rubbing gentle circles over them.



For all of her inexperience, Cordelia knew she’d done something right as his hips jerked roughly against hers momentarily lifting her feet off the ground. Running on nothing but the feelings bursting through every nerve ending in her body, the only thought she could hold was that she needed his cool skin under her fevered touch.



Abandoning his hardened peaks she slid her hands over the smooth silk of his shirt and down towards it’s end. Grasping the material she drew it upwards allowing her hands to slip underneath.



As soon as flesh met flesh Cordelia felt the earth spin and suddenly she was once again trapped by the vampire against the front of her house. But this time was different. This time it wasn’t fear that made her breath catch. It was desire. It was an all consuming lust that robbed her of thought as it bent her to its will.



Suddenly the firm shaft that had been pressed against her was gone and replace with his long, knowing fingers. Cordelia groaned. They’d done this dance before and it always ended in frustration as she was left teetering on the edge of oblivion only to be interrupted before she had a chance to fall over. With the hunger that was building in her belly and slowly seeping through the rest of her she didn’t know how she’d stand to walk away once again, longing for something she didn’t quite understand but that she knew, instinctively, had been almost within reach.



But even those thoughts were lost as the hand slipped past her silk panties to spear her with one, then two fingers. Angelus pulled her in closer to him, anchoring her with his right hand while his left whipped her into a mindless frenzy. Feeling his lips against her ear her mind could barely process the words that fell, heavy from his lips.



“Tonight you cum for me, Cordelia.”



Before he’d even finished declaring his intent his thumb began to slowly circle her clit; teasing the sensitive area while avoiding direct contact with the throbbing nub. As her hips thrust forward to force the contact she so desperately needed he simply forced them back with his own hips, holding her in place while his fingers deftly prolonged her torture.



Leaning down he gently bit his way down her neck with his blunt teeth, stopping only when he reached the scar he’d placed on her and drawing the twin marks into his mouth. His voice was rough with passion as he pulled his mouth away and whispered, “Don’t make me threaten you tonight.”



Jolted fleetingly out of her haze of pleasure Cordelia comprehended Angelus’ meaning. To far gone for a battle and knowing that she never really had a choice she tilted her head to the side and willingly drown herself back in the pool of pleasure he was creating within her.



Angelus’ demonic visage surged forward at what he was fairly sure she didn’t understand to be an act of submission. But whether or not she realized the meaning of her behavior it roared through his brain like a wild fire, setting all that it touched ablaze. Within mere seconds of her offering his fangs where buried deep in her flesh as her blood surged past his lips and bathed his tongue in an endless flow of flavors and emotions.



The same instant that his penetrating teeth pierced her skin his thumb hit its final target as the rough pad scraped over her engorged clitoris, causing the girl so snugly surrounding his surging fingers to stiffen, then throw back her head as shudders rocked her down to her toes and the scream trying to burst from her chest, caught in her throat.



Feeling her shiver convulsively Angelus forced himself to pull away from her throat keeping his arm firmly around her until her muscles stopped quivering and he felt that she could stand on her own. Reaching into her purse he extracted her keys, unlocked her door and opened it for her.



Cordelia was still reeling from the unbelievable pleasure echoing through her from her orgasm. Dazed as she made her way to her door she was confused when she could no longer move forward. Searching bewilderedly for what had stopped her she became aware of Angelus’ hand wrapped around her arm, preventing her from entering her house.



Raising her eyes to his she saw his smile, filled with self-satisfaction, and she would have said something scathing in the face of such arrogance if she could have put two words together.



“I’ll see you Friday at 8:00, Moonbeam.”



Cordelia stared at him, her mind still befuddled by the mass of sensations she’d experienced and the loss of blood.



“Friday night, Cordelia. Say it.”



Blinking in an attempt to catch up with the conversation she was able to do what he asked.



“Friday night.”



“Good girl, now go call Giles. I’m sure he’s waiting for you.”







Chapter Forty Six







The park was really quite lovely this time of night. There weren’t a lot of lights in Sunnydale, so the stars were bright in the crisp night air. Cordelia hadn’t been out in a park at night in years except when she was trying to lure demons out, and that was hardly conducive to enjoying the scenery.



But tonight she actually felt safe. Odd since she was here with the epitome of that which goes bump in the night. And yet, here she sat, pleasantly full after an amazing picnic dinner provided by the guy who doesn’t eat, and warm from the glass of wine that she’d tried to explain she was too young for. Of course she’d given up when she realized that if he didn’t follow all the laws about not murdering people he was hardly going to bother with the legal drinking age.



She also found herself once again wrapped in his coat. She’d never tell the possessive vampire, but she was starting to enjoy being ensconced in the folds of the heavy duster. It smelled like him, and she found that strangely comforting. She knew it was the bond. She hoped it was the bond. Sometimes she just wondered if she wasn’t a freak. The more she dwelled on that train of thought the stiffer she became.



Angelus sighed as he saw Cordelia’s posture grow more and more rigid. Tucking his finger beneath her chin he turned her face towards him.



“You know, the point of tonight was not to make you miserable.”



Fighting the urge to jerk her head away she couldn’t help asking, “So what exactly was the point?”



“Well, mainly to make me happy. But that doesn’t mean that it’s about making you unhappy.”



Cordelia looked at him with a deep sadness shadowing her eyes.



“If it’s not about making me unhappy then why am I always unhappy because of you?”



Cordelia was caught of guard by the tender sympathy reflected in his eyes as he gazed down at her. Catching her shoulders in an inescapable caress he pulled her down until her head was resting in his lap. Looking down in her face her he began to run his right hand through her dark, silky hair.



“Honestly, when it comes down to your happiness or mine, mine will always come first, Cordelia. But that doesn’t mean that I want you to be unhappy. I’ll secure your happiness whenever I can. Don’t you know how important you are to me? Your happiness is second only to my own. I’ve put you above all others.”



Looking at her beautiful face with its complete lack of comprehension Angelus tried to explain that, for a demon he’d made every allowance possible for her.



“You may not appreciate this, but I’m being very patient with you. I’m giving you time to acclimate; to get used to me, to our relationship. I find it beyond admirable that I haven’t dragged you home and chained you to our bed.”



“Our bed?” Cordelia thought. She knew that in his own way Angelus was trying to comfort her, but every word that fell from his lips increased her fear exponentially. She wanted to stem the explanation, to tell him to stop, but before she could open her mouth she was distracted by his left hand which lifted to softly run a finger down the side of her face in a calming movement that she supposed he thought would make these revelations easier to hear.



“You know, it’s not easy. My body, it calls for you all the time. Each minute of the day I’m emptier than the minute before because you’re not with me, not there to touch, to hold. Every instinct I have screams at me for letting you out of my sight, out of my reach.”



Pushing her fear of the answer aside for the moment Cordelia couldn’t help but indulge the natural curiosity that was a much larger part of her than the fright.



“Then why do you bother? I mean, I’m certainly not trying to rush the whole sexual captivity thing, but you’re always saying that you do whatever you want.”



Angelus smiled at her. He could tell she was scared. He could taste the fear that hovered around her. And yet she relegated it to the background so she could investigate every part of the issue, even knowing that she probably wouldn’t like what she heard. He loved that part of her; that part that made her bright and inquisitive. It shown from her beautiful hazel eyes and made her a worthy companion for him.



“You’re right. I do what I want, when I want. But if the reward for waiting is greater than the immediate pleasure than I just might want that more. I have an eternity ahead of me. Believe me; I can afford to wait for some things.”



Lifting his hands and letting the glossy strands slip through his fingers, his eyes darkened with emotions that seemed frightening in their intensity.



“You still don’t understand, do you Cordelia. You’re not a momentary delight and you’re definitely not a cheap lay. You’re a long term investment. I love you.”



Angelus hadn’t said that since that weekend she spent with Buffy. In light of the things he was saying tonight it filled her with more dread now than it had then.



“You don’t love me. How can you love me, you don’t even know me?”



Angelus just smiled at the question and turned his attention back to the fingers now tracing the curves of her cheek.



“Your favorite color’s orange, which you’ll never admit that because you think it makes you look hideous, but you keep a bright orange stuffed kitten under your pillow that your father won for you at a carnival when you were 7. You get up at 5:00 every Saturday morning because you like to watch Roadrunner cartoons and you always eat cinnamon toast while it’s on. You tell your dates to bring roses but you really love tulips. When you went with your parents to New York last year you were all supposed to see Les Mis, but they got called to a party so you sold your ticket and went to see the Lion King instead and you cried when the father died, just like you did in the movie theater.”



Cordelia began to shake her head as much as his hand in her hair would allow. She tried to sit up, move away, but Angelus wasn’t ready to let her go.



“How?” She chocked out, needing to know how he knew these things about her, but more afraid of this answer than any before. It wasn’t that these things were secret, but they were private. Things that very few people knew. Why would they share them with Angelus?



His brown eyes lit with sparks of topaz as his stare bore through her.



“Does it matter? Did you really think I’d allow you to have secrets from me; that there’d be a part of you I didn’t know?”



“Besides, those are the things about you that lie at the surface. They’re there for anyone to know, but there are ways I know you that no one else ever will, Cordelia.”



“I can feel you fear. Not smell it, not taste the residue on my tongue, I can feel it inside me like an echo of your scream. Your heartbeat; I hear it no matter where I am, no matter where you are. And sometimes, when it’s quiet and everything’s still, I draw air into my lungs because you need to breathe.”



“I know you Cordelia because I’m a part of you. How can you doubt that I want your happiness?”



Cordelia hoped that he could feel her fear and that he was chocking on it right now like she was.



“You’re lying! You don’t love me; you don’t care about me at all. You’re going to kill everyone I know, everyone I love. How will that possibly make me happy?”



Angelus knew she wouldn’t understand, that it would just take time for her to see that he was right. But he truly did love her, so he’d explain it to her if that’s what she needed.



“Baby, I do want you to be happy. You could love me Cordelia. But you fight. You fight against the bond like no one I’ve ever seen. And I know why you do it, but I just can’t figure out how.”



He paused a moment and pondered, again, what had become an increasingly difficult puzzle to solve. Shaking off the moment he returned his attention to the girl on his lap.



“It doesn’t matter. Your strength, it calls to me. The more you push me away, the more I need you. And Cordelia, I need all of you. There’s our problem.”



“You think I don’t know you, Cordelia Chase, but I do. You’re a survivor, and while even the tiniest sliver of hope remains, you’ll fight. With everything in you you’ll fight me. So I have to strip you of that hope. I have to tear it from you bit by bit.”



“You give pieces of yourself to those you love and in return they give you the hope of something better; mentors, lovers, friends. That’s why they have to die, Cordelia. Their hope takes you away from me.”



“I admit that I hate them all for the part of your heart that they hold, but I won’t kill them out of hatred, and I won’t kill them to make you unhappy. I’ll kill them because I’ll never let you go, and so the only happiness you’ll ever find will be with me, and can’t you see that they’re keeping us apart?”



“I have to kill them to set you free, Cordelia. Free to be happy with me.”



The sympathy was back in his dark gaze and it was all the harder to see as the chilling words kept pouring forth.



“I can make it quick for them, Cordelia. I can make sure that they don’t suffer. Not because I don’t want them to; I do. Especially your parents. But more than that, I want you to settle in quickly.”



“The bond will help. Even though you fight it admirably, eventually you’ll give in. Your body has, now I just need your heart. It belongs to me, Cordelia and I intend to have it all.”



Despite the horror coursing through her body, Cordelia found her voice. “I’ll hate you.”



“Actually, you won’t. Remember, I know you. Your greatest fear is being alone. When there’s no one left for you and no possibility of anyone new, all you’ll have is me or nothing. By then the bond and your own fears will force you to choose me.”



“I know you think that’s not true, that you’d never choose someone who’d desolated everything you know, but you’d be surprised what you’ll cling to when the choice is that or nothing. Like I’d be willing to bet that you wouldn’t want to be shot to death. But if it was a choice between being shot or being turned you’d take the bullet in a heartbeat.”



“Sometimes it’s not about what you choose, but what you avoid.”



“You’re scaring me.” Her words were even softer than before and held a vulnerability that few people ever got to see in this girl.



The hand in her hair tightened as the feather-light touches continued.



“You should be scared. This is going to be hard. Harder than anything you’ve ever been through. You’ll hurt in ways you’ve never imagined, but like steel, you’ll be tempered by the fire, not burned. This will make you stronger because it makes us stronger and there’s nothing about you that isn’t about us anymore.”



Silent tears began to slip from Cordelia’s eyes. “Stop please.”



Angelus gave her a sad, almost pitying look.



“It doesn’t stop, baby. This never stops. I never stop.”



Sobs began to wrack Cordelia’s body as she realized he really wasn’t ever going to stop. And as her weeping became almost hysterical, Angelus pulled her up and onto his lap, wrapping his arms securely around her as he whispered nonsensical words of solace into her ear. And as she buried her face in his neck and clung to his shoulders she allowed his soothing words to wash over her. Because no matter what she knew about the bond, or Angelus’ plans; no matter how scared she was or how much she fought; she could no longer deny the fact that she felt safest in his arms. An epiphany which made the tears fall all the harder.





TBC....Strategic Retreat