How To Date A Vampire
folder
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Slash - Male/Male › Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
9
Views:
3,117
Reviews:
7
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Slash - Male/Male › Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
9
Views:
3,117
Reviews:
7
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 8
“Ow.”
“Grrrrr.”
“Spike, stop that.”
“Yeah, alright.”
“Ow.”
“Grrrrr.”
“Spike!” Xander hissed as the nurse scuttled away under the pretence of retrieving some bandages, even though she’d brought several with her. It was doubtful they’d see her again.
“I can’t help it! Every time you hurt I get all…protective.”
“Well, that’s great to know. But could you not get all protective with the nurse that’s trying to fix me?”
“Sorry, pet. Not much I can do about it. See, my demon…”
“Oh, your demon. That old story. I know it so well. It’s always the demon’s fault when you’re all protective or hungry for blood or itching for a kill…Oh, yeah. I see your point.”
“Can’t help it, luv. The demon wants to protect. And so do I.” Spike slipped onto the bed. Erm, as in, he gently manoeuvred himself to sit on the bed. He didn’t actually slip. That would have been stupid, considering that the floors weren’t at all slippery. Plus, if one of them was going to slip you know it’d be Xander. That crazy kid has two left feet and a bowling ball hampering his balance.
“I’m sorry this date isn’t going so well,” Xander said, snuggling into Spike’s side.
“Nonsense! It’s going great!”
“Apart from the bowling ball stuck to my hand.”
“Apart from that, yeah. But hey, how many other people can say they spent part of their first date in ER? Makes us special.”
“Makes us unlucky,” Xander argued. “We could’ve been seated in a restaurant by now, stuffing our faces.”
“Where’s the fun in that?! What you want from a first date is something that you can tell your grandkids.”
Xander tried to get his head around that statement and finally gave up. “I guess this is pretty unique. It’s very…us. Hey, remember that time, when we first became friends, and we got hungry at Giles’ place so we cooked sausages and burned his kitchen down?”
Spike chuckled fondly as he remembered. “Heh. Yeah. Remember it like it was yesterday. We tried to put the flames out but we only had mugs of tea. What a waste. Good times.”
“Oh, and remember when Buffy sent us to Willy’s to get info on that Bigcock demon? That was our first mission together.”
“Bic’gock demon,” Spike corrected. “Yeah, I remember. You slipped over in a puddle of Flew’y demon snot and cracked your head open on the bar. You knocked over my JD. What a waste. Good times.”
“Hey, and you had to take me to ER and I got stitched up by that giant, seven foot nurse with the great big purple glasses and the foot high curly hair?”
“Oh, yeah! She was a right bitch. Ugly as fuck, too. Looked like she’d been beaten with a bloody great ugly stick.”
~cough~
Spike and Xander looked up to see a giant, seven foot nurse with great big purple glasses and foot high curly hair. She looked as though she’d been beaten with a bloody great ugly stick.
Xander *eeped*.
So did Spike. But if asked, he will never admit to it. But I was there so I know. For I am the all seeing Brother Eye, the satellite created by Batman that took on sentient…
Sorry, wrong ‘verse.
“Got a bowling ball needs removing?” the nurse barked. She didn’t actually bark. She wasn’t a werenurse. Not that I’m aware of.
Xander lifted his arm in answer.
“I see. So it’s on your hand.”
Spike thought about saying something sarcastic along the lines of ‘Where else would it be, you stupid bint?’ But he eventually thought better of it. He wasn’t sure he’d like the answer.
“Hold the ball out to me. Keep it steady.” The nurse took the ball in her hand and twisted it to get better access to the holes and Xander’s fingers.
“Hey, ow! What did my fingers ever do to you? And please don’t answer that.”
Spike couldn’t help it. His pesky demon was getting pissed off again and, before he knew it, he lifted his upper lip and snarled. The nurse slapped him.
“None of that in my ER. Put those fangs away. I’ve dusted better vampires for less.”
Spike rubbed his stinging cheek and tried to look affronted. “’Couldn’t help it. It was my…”
“Demon,” the nurse finished for him. “Oglie moglie, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that I’d be three dollars richer.”
Xander laughed at that and then screeched as acid was poured over his fingers. Well, it felt like acid. It probably wasn’t acid. “Ahhhhhhh!”
“Don’t be such a baby. Just hold still. This will dissolve the glue and then you can be on your way.”
“Yeah, minus all my fingers!”
“Grrrrr.”
~SLAP~
“Oi! Do you mind?!”
“Not at all. That was your last warning.”
Spike thought about telling her where she could stick her warning. No-one hurt his Xan-pet. And no-one slapped a Master Vampire! But then Spike reconsidered. Would it actually help to heal Xander’s fingers and lessen his pain? No. And besides, he was kinda scared. It was her eyes. There was pure evil in them and Spike did not want to be on the receiving end of one of her sponge baths.
“Right. Brace yourself, Mr Harris.”
Xander screwed his eyes up tight and buried himself further into Spike’s arms.
“After three and I’m going to pull. One…”
~POP~
“OOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!”
“There. All done. That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“Would you judge me if I said yes?”
“Yes.”
“It was a wonderful experience,” Xander said with false cheeriness. “And now I can’t wait to don those bandages and get the hell out of here.”
The nurse didn’t react to the obvious sarcasm. She simply held out a dish of pinky liquid and indicated that Xander should dunk his abused fingers in it. “I’ll be back in ten minutes. Don’t remove your fingers.”
“That hurt, did it?” Spike asked when the nurse had left.
Xander thought about glaring, but he just didn’t have the strength anymore.
“I…suppose you just wanna go home, now.”
The disappointment was evident in Spike’s voice and Xander just didn’t have the heart to say yes. He was tired and he did want to go home, but at the same time he didn’t want the date to end. What the hell. One more try at the perfect date. What else could possibly go wrong?
“I am kinda tired and in a lot of pain, but…what did you have in mind?”
Spike grinned and kissed Xander’s forehead. “Something really romantic.”
TBC…
“Grrrrr.”
“Spike, stop that.”
“Yeah, alright.”
“Ow.”
“Grrrrr.”
“Spike!” Xander hissed as the nurse scuttled away under the pretence of retrieving some bandages, even though she’d brought several with her. It was doubtful they’d see her again.
“I can’t help it! Every time you hurt I get all…protective.”
“Well, that’s great to know. But could you not get all protective with the nurse that’s trying to fix me?”
“Sorry, pet. Not much I can do about it. See, my demon…”
“Oh, your demon. That old story. I know it so well. It’s always the demon’s fault when you’re all protective or hungry for blood or itching for a kill…Oh, yeah. I see your point.”
“Can’t help it, luv. The demon wants to protect. And so do I.” Spike slipped onto the bed. Erm, as in, he gently manoeuvred himself to sit on the bed. He didn’t actually slip. That would have been stupid, considering that the floors weren’t at all slippery. Plus, if one of them was going to slip you know it’d be Xander. That crazy kid has two left feet and a bowling ball hampering his balance.
“I’m sorry this date isn’t going so well,” Xander said, snuggling into Spike’s side.
“Nonsense! It’s going great!”
“Apart from the bowling ball stuck to my hand.”
“Apart from that, yeah. But hey, how many other people can say they spent part of their first date in ER? Makes us special.”
“Makes us unlucky,” Xander argued. “We could’ve been seated in a restaurant by now, stuffing our faces.”
“Where’s the fun in that?! What you want from a first date is something that you can tell your grandkids.”
Xander tried to get his head around that statement and finally gave up. “I guess this is pretty unique. It’s very…us. Hey, remember that time, when we first became friends, and we got hungry at Giles’ place so we cooked sausages and burned his kitchen down?”
Spike chuckled fondly as he remembered. “Heh. Yeah. Remember it like it was yesterday. We tried to put the flames out but we only had mugs of tea. What a waste. Good times.”
“Oh, and remember when Buffy sent us to Willy’s to get info on that Bigcock demon? That was our first mission together.”
“Bic’gock demon,” Spike corrected. “Yeah, I remember. You slipped over in a puddle of Flew’y demon snot and cracked your head open on the bar. You knocked over my JD. What a waste. Good times.”
“Hey, and you had to take me to ER and I got stitched up by that giant, seven foot nurse with the great big purple glasses and the foot high curly hair?”
“Oh, yeah! She was a right bitch. Ugly as fuck, too. Looked like she’d been beaten with a bloody great ugly stick.”
~cough~
Spike and Xander looked up to see a giant, seven foot nurse with great big purple glasses and foot high curly hair. She looked as though she’d been beaten with a bloody great ugly stick.
Xander *eeped*.
So did Spike. But if asked, he will never admit to it. But I was there so I know. For I am the all seeing Brother Eye, the satellite created by Batman that took on sentient…
Sorry, wrong ‘verse.
“Got a bowling ball needs removing?” the nurse barked. She didn’t actually bark. She wasn’t a werenurse. Not that I’m aware of.
Xander lifted his arm in answer.
“I see. So it’s on your hand.”
Spike thought about saying something sarcastic along the lines of ‘Where else would it be, you stupid bint?’ But he eventually thought better of it. He wasn’t sure he’d like the answer.
“Hold the ball out to me. Keep it steady.” The nurse took the ball in her hand and twisted it to get better access to the holes and Xander’s fingers.
“Hey, ow! What did my fingers ever do to you? And please don’t answer that.”
Spike couldn’t help it. His pesky demon was getting pissed off again and, before he knew it, he lifted his upper lip and snarled. The nurse slapped him.
“None of that in my ER. Put those fangs away. I’ve dusted better vampires for less.”
Spike rubbed his stinging cheek and tried to look affronted. “’Couldn’t help it. It was my…”
“Demon,” the nurse finished for him. “Oglie moglie, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that I’d be three dollars richer.”
Xander laughed at that and then screeched as acid was poured over his fingers. Well, it felt like acid. It probably wasn’t acid. “Ahhhhhhh!”
“Don’t be such a baby. Just hold still. This will dissolve the glue and then you can be on your way.”
“Yeah, minus all my fingers!”
“Grrrrr.”
~SLAP~
“Oi! Do you mind?!”
“Not at all. That was your last warning.”
Spike thought about telling her where she could stick her warning. No-one hurt his Xan-pet. And no-one slapped a Master Vampire! But then Spike reconsidered. Would it actually help to heal Xander’s fingers and lessen his pain? No. And besides, he was kinda scared. It was her eyes. There was pure evil in them and Spike did not want to be on the receiving end of one of her sponge baths.
“Right. Brace yourself, Mr Harris.”
Xander screwed his eyes up tight and buried himself further into Spike’s arms.
“After three and I’m going to pull. One…”
~POP~
“OOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!”
“There. All done. That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“Would you judge me if I said yes?”
“Yes.”
“It was a wonderful experience,” Xander said with false cheeriness. “And now I can’t wait to don those bandages and get the hell out of here.”
The nurse didn’t react to the obvious sarcasm. She simply held out a dish of pinky liquid and indicated that Xander should dunk his abused fingers in it. “I’ll be back in ten minutes. Don’t remove your fingers.”
“That hurt, did it?” Spike asked when the nurse had left.
Xander thought about glaring, but he just didn’t have the strength anymore.
“I…suppose you just wanna go home, now.”
The disappointment was evident in Spike’s voice and Xander just didn’t have the heart to say yes. He was tired and he did want to go home, but at the same time he didn’t want the date to end. What the hell. One more try at the perfect date. What else could possibly go wrong?
“I am kinda tired and in a lot of pain, but…what did you have in mind?”
Spike grinned and kissed Xander’s forehead. “Something really romantic.”
TBC…