Lonely No More

Chapter Eight


Spike found himself whistling as he got ready for work the next morning. He smiled to himself as he remembered her laughter and smiles, their banter and how she felt in his arms. He wanted her back in his arms again, and soon. That was it, as soon as he got to work that day, he was giving her a hug. He'd start each day with her with a hug. It would make her feel good, it would make him feel good and all would be well with the world.
At least he hoped.

"Good morning, my lioness!" he burst out as he flung the doors open. Silence. No sign of her.

"Buffy?"

"Getting coffee!" she called out from the back.

He grinned and made a beeline for the back. He found her with her back to
him, making her cup of java.

"How do you feel sweetheart?" he asked, coming up beside her.

She looked up at him strangely and then took a step back. He frowned at
that and immediately stepped closer again. What was with the skittishness?

"Spike. Personal space. You're invading mine," she told him and grabbed
her cup of coffee. She walked around him headed towards the desk.

"Buffy," he said following her. "Are you all right, pet?"

She grabbed some papers off the desk, holding them up. "I took the liberty
of pulling some files this morning on potential matches. I figured maybe we
could go over them together."

He blinked. "You're going to let me help choose?"

"If I don't, are you going to stop hounding me to let you do it?"

"No."

"There you go then. Besides, Willow took such a shine to you; I figure she
wants you to be part of this."

"So it's not ALL about satisfying the customer then."

She met his eyes. "That's all it's about."

"What about you Buffy?" he asked, walking slowly up to her.

She knit her eyebrows. "What about me what?"

"Are you satisfied?" he asked deeply, reaching out and gliding his hand
down her arm. He wasn't amazed to find her skin silky smooth.

"What are you doing?" she whispered, regarding him almost cautiously.

He smiled softly, "Doing my new favorite thing."

"What's that?" she asked, a slight tremble to her voice.

"Touching you," he answered on a whisper, taking the chance that she
wouldn't bolt and he'd finally be able to take her in his arms. He liked
Business Buffy, but he wanted Fun Buffy from the night before.

He wasn't going to get his wish. She took two full steps back. "That's
enough William. Last night was fun, but . . . " she trailed off and shook her
head, starting for her office.

"But what?" he asked, following her.

"But it's over."

He swore his heart stopped beating. "What do you mean?"

"I mean—what is it you're trying to do here? Are you trying to seduce
me?"

"I'm only doing what feels good," he said disoriented, he hadn't put much
thought into what he was doing and why, just knew he what he wanted to
be doing and decided to go about doing it. Now she was making him think
about it?

"That's not an answer William. Not one an adult gives anyway. That's the
answer of a three year old. Listen, we're colleagues and we're kind of
friends—"

"Kind of? Last night—"

"I had too much to drink."

"Bollocks!"

"What does that even mean?"

"It means you're lying to me and you know it!" he shouted at her.

"Can you stop yelling at me?"

"I don't know. Can you stop being such a bitch?"

She put her hand to her face and it wasn't until later that it dawned on
Spike that his words had at first hurt her. His words like a slap to the face.
In the moment though, all he saw was her glare and the venom in her eyes
before she spun on heel and stalked to her office, slamming the door so
hard the walls shook.

Buffy sat down at her desk, willing the tears that were forming away. She
was NOT going to cry. She buried her face in her hands. Why did she do
that? Why did she push him away like that? She'd had a lot of fun the night
before and he was so damn sweet to her. So why was she pulling away?

He scared her.

She liked the feelings he invoked in her, enjoyed the sweet words and his
touch and his blue eyes that seemed to see right to the heart of her. It'd
been her experience though that those things never lasted. It all started
out that way, but then it soon gave way to taking her for granted, to never
getting a job, to telling her that she wasn't enough and then walking out on
her once some other sap came sniffing around—Stop Buffy. Breathe. In.
Out. Okay, good. She was doomed and she had to face facts. She was meant
to be alone. The universe was out to get her on the relationship front and
she had to just accept it. No matter how hard it was. Right now Spike was
perfect—okay that was probably too strong a word, he was horrible with
boundaries and indescribably pushy and didn't know when to just stop
already –but other than those things, he was sweet and kind and
encouraging and helpful and had this naturally curiosity about things that
was refreshing—BUT. He had to have a fatal flaw that would lead to nothing
but heartbreak. They all did. What was the point in chancing it and ruining everything by getting involved, by—shudder—falling for him? Best to just keep him at arms length and not ruin everything.

Remembering his blue eyes and the smile he'd given her that morning and
his touch down her arm . . . she knew this was going to be difficult.