Here Without You

A/N- Don't forget to review...even if you hate it...I love feedback

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Buffy stumbled out into the hallway sobbing and screaming uncontrollably. “Please someone, Please help me,” she cried as she fell in a heap to the floor. Doors were beginning to open as her neighbors emerged from their rooms to observe the commotion. Buffy felt someone try to lift her from her place on the floor.

“Buffy?”

She looked up and saw Xander standing over her. He was giving her the same concerned look that her had given her every day since the accident and it only made Buffy cry harder.

“Buffy, what happened?” Xander was now leaning down in front of her attempting to cradle her in his arms. She could feel him put his arms around her and frantically began to push him away. “Buffy it's okay!” Xander exclaimed as he grabbed one of her flailing limbs to stop them from connecting with his face. “Buffy look at me. It's me, Xander, you're safe.” She let his words of comfort wash over her and slowly began to calm down.

“Xander?” Buffy asked as she slowly began to come to. Her voice was hoarse from crying and her eyes were watery from unshed tears. Buffy realized that she was sitting outside her room on floor of the hallway and more importantly that every resident of her dormitory was now staring at her as if she had lost her mind. She looked toward the still open door of her room and began to remember why she had fled.

“Jeez Buff, what happened?”

Buffy's only response was to raise a shaky hand and point to the open door. Xander looked in the direction in which she pointed and continued to question her.

“What is it Buffy? Is it Willow?”

Buffy shook her head and continued to point. Xander stood slowly and turned to Anya who was standing just inside their room directly across the hall. “Stay with her,” he instructed and nodded towards Buffy. Anya quickly took Xander's place kneeling in front of her and watched as her boyfriend slowly started into Buffy and Willow's room.

“I'm worried about you,” she said quietly as she took Buffy's hand in hers.

“Uh Buffy,” Xander called from inside the room. “Could you uh, come in here really quick?”

Anya stood first and helped Buffy to her feet allowing the petite blonde to lean on her as they headed back into her room. Buffy paused just inside the doorframe, afraid to step the rest of the way in.

“It's okay,” Anya tried to reassure her. “You're not alone, Buffy.”

Buffy stepped into the room. The light from the hallway was illuminating enough so she could see around the room fairly easily. Buffy's mouth hung open as realization started to set in.

“So…what exactly happened in here?” Xander asked extending his arms.

“W-well,” Buffy began. “I was dreaming and when I woke up…”

“You were dreaming?” Xander interrupted. “Buffy were you having a nightmare?”

“N-not really,” Buff stammered trying to explain. “More like a ‘creepy-give-me-the-wiggins' kinda dream. William was there and he was being really big with the cryptic. He was hurt in the dream and wouldn't let me look at him. Right before I woke up I dropped a picture frame and it shattered. Well, when I got out of bed there was glass all over the floor and the picture was soaked in blood.”

“You mean this picture?” Xander asked picking up the still framed drawing from its place on the nightstand.

“Xander…”

“Look around you Buffy, there's no glass. There's no blood.” Xander again raised his arms and gestured around the room to emphasize his point. “You were having a dream. It's understandable, you've been through hell the past couple of months, but that's all that it was.”

“Yes,” Buffy persisted. “I was having a dream. But I woke up. I know that I woke up and I know what I saw. You want proof,” Buffy asked. “ Here.” She lifted her foot to show the small, now closed cut on her toe. “How do you explain that?”

“Buffy you could have gotten that anywhere,” Xander sighed.

“Maybe you should talk to someone?” Anya suggested. “Someone?” Buffy questioned.

“You know someone that could help you- you know, sort through the grief,” Anya continued.

“I so do not need to talk to a shrink.” Buffy replied, getting agitated.

“Oh, not a shrink,” Anya countered, completely unaware of the uncomfortable situation. “Just someone. There are peer councilors on campus that will listen to you talk about anything. I remember when Xander was having trouble- you know, performing, he went-”

“Anya!” Xander interjected.

“What?” Anya turned to him and watched as her boyfriend stared wide-eyed at her and started to shake his head in a disapproving way. She quickly got the hint and turned to Buffy smiled sheepishly. “You're fine,” she concluded airily.

“Thanks for the reassurance,” Buffy replied, in a deadpan voice. “I don't need to talk to anyone. I know what I saw.”

“Buffy-”

“No Xander,” Buffy interrupted him. “It was real. Something is happening to me. I don't know what but things haven't been right since- since the accident, and it's not just because of William. It's more than that…” Buffy trailed off and began to look around the room again. “Where's Willow?”

“Haven't seen her,” Xander answered. “Did she come home last night?”

“Yeah, we talked right before I fell asleep and she was here.”

“Did she have a test today? You know how Willow likes to hit the library before a big test; maybe she pulled an all-nighter and didn't want to disturb you,” Anya suggested.

“I don't know,” Buffy admitted. “Maybe…she didn't say anything about a test last night.” Buffy sighed suddenly feeling very tired.

“I'm sure that's what it is.” Xander said. “You look whipped Buff, why don't you lie down and try to get some sleep? Take a day off today, clear your head.”

“Yes,” Anya agreed. “I can swing by your classes and explain what's going on to your professors. I'm sure they'd be willing to hand over any assignments that you miss.”

“Thanks guys,” Buffy smiled weakly. “I think that I will lie down for a little while and try to catch up on some sleep. If you guys see Willow, could you tell her that I need to talk to her?”

“Sure thing Buff,” Xander smiled. “Get some rest.” With that, Xander embraced the diminutive blonde and placed a quick kiss on the top of her head.

Buffy smiled weakly at the couple as she shut her door and quickly locked it. She turned and rested her back against the door and sighed. “What the hell is wrong with me?” Buffy whispered as she ran a tired hand through her hair.


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Buffy sat at her desk, history book in hand trying to really study for the fist time in what felt like forever. Her mind kept wandering and she found herself glancing at her alarm clock every so often to check the time. Three-thirty, and still no Willow, she thought.

Buffy had wracked her brain for the duration of the afternoon trying to remember if she had said anything the previous night that would have caused Willow to leave. She honestly couldn't think of anything. Willow was often busy and on the go, but it wasn't like her to just disappear for an entire day. Frustrated, Buffy closed her book, and stood from her chair. “I so need to get out of here,” she said to herself as she gathered her jacket and keys and quickly left the room.

An hour later Buffy found herself wandering aimlessly around North Campus, pausing every so often to study her surroundings, searching for Willow. Buffy came to a stop in front of the North Campus fountain and took a seat on one of the benches there. Suddenly Buffy heard a slight whisper make its way to her ear.

“There are signs everywhere.”

Buffy turned suddenly and had to shield her eyes from the sun to be able to see the source of the whisper. He was extremely tall and very well built. His features were dark and overpowering. His looks intimidated her and she gulped before finally acknowledging him. “E-excuse me?” she stuttered.

“There are signs everywhere,” he repeated and stepped closer to her to allow his back to shield her from the sun's rays.

Once her eyes adjusted, she was able to see him more clearly, and she noticed his attire immediately. He was dressed in long black slacks with a black button up shirt and she noted the white collar around his neck indicating his calling as a priest. “You look lost,” he continued seeing her confused look. “There are signs everywhere to help you on your way.”

Buffy nodded in acknowledgement and he took the opportunity to seat himself next to her on the bench. Buffy looked away from him and stared blankly at the water from the fountain.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, feeling her apprehension. “I'm sorry, I didn't get your name.” Buffy replied, still not making eye contact with him.

“Liam, Liam Angelus but most people call me Angel.”

“Hmph,” Buffy laughed. “A priest named Angel, that's-” Buffy trailed off when she realized he wasn't laughing at her joke, “not funny at all.”

“I can see how it would be funny,” he said with a serious expression. “I'm Father Angel.” Then a grin broke across his face and Buffy could tell that he was making fun of her.

She smiled genuinely at him. It was the first smile that had graced her lips in what felt like forever. “Sorry,” Buffy apologized. “I really wasn't trying to get smart, I just- I'm- I'm not-” Buffy stammered, trying to make the words come out.

“Yes?” he probed sensing the tension in her voice. “I'm not very religious. Not at all in fact. I'm sort of a lapsed Catholic,” Buffy admitted sheepishly.

“I think that all Catholics are lapsed at one point or another, so there's no harm in that. I'm not here to judge. There's no manual that says you have to attend Sunday Mass every week before I can lend a compassionate ear to an obviously troubled young lady,” he assured her to set her mind at ease.

“How do you know that I'm troubled?” Buffy asked.

“I told you, you look lost.”

Buffy sighed, swallowing the lump in her throat before she could continue. “I feel lost,” she answered, her voice thick with emotion.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked her again, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Buffy spent the next twenty minutes telling Angel all about what the past few months had been like for her. She told him of her decision to move in with William, the decision to hide the fact they were living together, how she'd lied to William, how he'd found out, the accident, and William's death. Angel listened with an impassive expression while she told her tale.

“It's been a few weeks since the funeral, and I keep having these...dreams.” Buffy explained. “They get more and more vivid, and sometimes when I wake up I would swear that they were real. My friends are starting to think that I'm going crazy.”

Angel sighed before he responded. “Buffy, you've been through more these past few months than most people go through in a year's time. It's understandable for you to still grieve. I think that these dreams that you're having is just another way of trying to cope with what you've been through, so that you can move on.”

“I know that this sounds strange Father-”

“Please,” he interrupted. “Call me Angel.”

Buffy smiled at him, “Okay, Angel, I know that this sounds strange, but I don't think that William is gone. This may make me sound crazy, but sometimes I can still...I can feel him, and it throws me.”

“I don't think that sounds strange,” Angel replied.

“You don't?”

“No, I think that it's very possible that William could still be here, watching over you.”

“You don't think that I'm crazy?” Buffy questioned.

“No I don't.” he answered matter-of-factly. “I think William is still trying to tie up loose ends here. It's not uncommon with most cases such as yours. He still feels he has some pressing matter to attend to and will not move on until that matter is addressed.”

“What do you think William's pressing matter is?” Buffy asked curiously.

“Honestly?” Angel asked looking into her eyes. Buffy nodded for him to continue. “I think he's still trying to save you.”


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The sky was beginning to darken as Buffy returned to her room. She had spent hours talking to Angel and surprisingly felt much better than she had when she left.

“Willow?” Buffy called as she stepped into the room. “Are you here?” Buffy shrugged and wondered aloud “Where the hell is she?” She was just about to retreat to the bathroom for a quick shower when she heard a knock at her door. When she answered it she was surprised at who she saw.

“Riley,” Buffy exclaimed. “What a surprise.”

“I know I should have called first,” Riley fidgeted showing his nervousness around her. “I just wanted to check and see how you were. You seemed pretty upset the other day.”

“Yeah,” Buffy sighed. “Listen, I'm sorry if I was rude to you the other day. I was in a really bad mood and it was just one of those days.”

Riley quickly put a hand up to stop her apology. “No need to apologize,” he told her. “I totally understand. It was wrong for me to just come up to you like that. I shouldn't have-”

“No, no,” she interrupted. “It was a very nice gesture.”

He smiled at her reassuring words and then asked, “What are you doing right now?”

“Nothing,” she answered. “Just waiting for Willow to get home; haven't seen her much today.”

“Well would you like to go get something to eat with me?”

“Uh...”Buffy trailed off not knowing what to say exactly.

Riley could sense her apprehension and quickly added, “No pressure, you don't have to. I just thought that-”

“No,” she interrupted, “it's not that. It's just that...I'm not...I don't think that I'm ready for...”

“It's just dinner Buffy.” Riley answered trying to get her to relax. “It doesn't have to be anymore than that. I'll even let you pay if you want.” Riley flashed her his best All-American grin.

“Well since you put it that way,” Buffy replied sarcastically. “I am really hungry, I don't think I've had anything to eat today.” She paused for a moment before turning to grab her purse and said, “Let's go.” Riley held the door open for her as she walked out of her room.