Je me souviens

I love Christmas vacation. Yay for no work! Also, excessive quantities of gingerbread. In the reviews, I seem to recall, someone wondered what "Je me souviens" means. The answer is, "I remember". (Which, hint hint, will happen eventually, and be Very Significant). So, onwards.

Chapter Eight

*

There were times when, no matter how much you shook your head and said "What the fuck?", the situation still stubbornly refused to make sense.

Faith figured this was one of those times. She'd ignored Buffy's knock on the door and showered anyway. She half expected that she'd be able to rinse away Buffy's tawny-gold tan along with the soap, and get out of the shower wearing her own body again. This was freakier than waking up in the hospital. At least then she didn't know what she was supposed to look like. Two showers in two days and each time she'd discovered a new body.

Faith wrapped herself in a towel. Over her shoulder, she caught sight of herself in the half-steamed mirror. It was like a stranger had walked in on her in the bathroom. She glared at her reflection. She closed one eye, then the other. She squinted. Grimaced. Stuck her tongue out. She turned away, then whirled back, trying to catch her reflection not paying attention.

It wasn't fooled. Of course.

Faith tilted her head, to one side, then the other. She met her own eyes. Except they weren't hers. They were Buffy's.

Buffy really was beautiful. Her skin glowed, washed clean, like spring time. The heart-shaped face stared solemnly at Faith, lips a little pouty, eyes a little hurt, a little worried. Her body looked so fragile, but Faith knew there was steel in the wiry muscles over the slender bones. She was strong. She was--

A freak.

Some kind of superhero? Like, wearing spandex and living in the bat cave? That was worse than the spy idea Faith had imagined at first.

One part of her brain flatly refused to believe it. That sort of stuff wasn't real, for fuck's sake. It was another lie, some stupid attempt to mess with her head. The whole body-switch thing was pretty convincing, though, unless she and Buffy were somehow sharing a hallucination.

Besides, another part of her understood that what Buffy had told her was all there was. The truth. What she lived for. Destiny.

Slaying that...vampire...last night. The hot rush of yeah baby this is it, do it, yes...

This is it.

This is all you have left.

Faith dropped her eyes. The image in the mirror seemed to know too much. Faith opened the door. Buffy was leaning against the wall outside the bathroom, waiting. She rolled her eyes at Faith's towel.

"This isn't a game, Faith," she said, exasperation turning husky in her throat. "This is serious. This is--"

"Oh, whatever. I left you some hot water."

"What?"

Faith held her towel closed with one hand and slowly pointed from Buffy to the bathroom with the other. "You. Shower. Gettin' all wet and hot and, quite possibly, soapy--"

"Okay, okay, enough." Buffy was turning an interesting shade of red. "I don't want to--I mean, I'm not going to--"

"Uh-huh." Faith didn't stay to hear the denials. "I'm gonna check out the wardrobe sitch."

She headed for Buffy's room, and grinned when she heard the bathroom door click shut quietly. The water started running a second later. Faith picked through Buffy's closet. She wasn't sure what she was looking for, but the red leather pants seemed to almost leap into her hands. Faith held them up to her waist, an uneasy feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. There was a clingy black top that went with them. She didn't know how she knew that. She pulled them on. She couldn't stop running her hands over the cool smoothness of the leather, watching the way her body moved.

Her dream images flashed in her mind. This time, she knew the hand on the knife was Buffy's.

Buffy, wearing these clothes.

A memory.

Just a quick impression, of heat and the pressure of another body against hers, like when Buffy had rolled on top of her in the hallway. Then, cold, and air rushing past her, and the ozone scent of lightning. Raindrops flung against her skin until she was chilled and soaked through, and unable to move. She was broken.

Faith shook her head. She remembered.

It wasn't enough. She still had no idea why. Buffy was willing to give her answers now. Faith had to know the rest of the story, to know what it meant.

The water cut off in the bathroom. Faith couldn't help but smile. Buffy had taken the world's fastest shower. Faith didn't know which of them Buffy was trying to convince that she wasn't at all interested in Faith's body, but it sure as hell wasn't working.

That was another part of her memory Faith desperately wanted to regain. What had she felt for Buffy, before? Right now, she had so many different feelings, she didn't know what to think. While they were shopping this afternoon, Buffy had been friendly, open, bright, sparkling. It was a far cry from the cold anger when she'd first seen Faith in the hospital, or the furious joy of her fight against the vampires last night. There was something fascinating about every mood, every side of her. And the fact that Buffy couldn't keep her eyes off her...er...herself, now...well, that was pretty flattering.

Of course, there was the boyfriend, Whatshisname. On the other hand, Buffy hadn't mentioned him all day. So maybe it wasn't serious...

Faith ran a hand through her half-dry hair. She was not going start something with Buffy. How dumb would that be? She didn't even know how Buffy really felt about her, beyond getting that low-down tickle out of seeing her. Faith didn't even know how she really felt, for that matter. What if she hated Buffy for some reason she couldn't remember right now?

"Okay. I'm ready." Buffy appeared at the door, dressed in Faith's new clothes, tight black jeans and a cleavage-baring blouse, the most daring thing Faith had chosen at the store. She froze when she saw Faith, dark eyes going wide.

Faith ignored her look. "Yeah. Me too. Let's go meet your buds."

Buffy made an effort and smiled. "Right." She took one last look at Faith's outfit and turned away.

Faith followed her downstairs. They grabbed their jackets and headed out of the house. Buffy locked the door and then, with a pained look, took a sharpened bit of wood out of her pocket and handed it to Faith.

Faith stared at it--it looked like it might've once been a table leg--and then eyed Buffy. "What's this?"

"A stake." Buffy took another one out of her pocket and jabbed it at the air in front of her, demonstrating. "You're a Slayer. And Sunnydale's dangerous at night. It's built on the mouth of Hell."

"Oh. I shoulda figured." Faith curled her fingers around the stake, as naturally as breathing. Oh yeah. This was right. Another bone-deep memory that surfaced as soon as she felt the smooth-whittled wood against her palm. She squeezed the stake, then, with a reluctant sigh, tucked it into her jacket's inner pocket. "So, you figure Willow's going to be mad about this?"

"I wouldn't blame her." Buffy kicked at a rock in the road, sending it flying. They both winced when there was a sound of glass breaking from halfway down the block. Buffy glanced over her shoulder, meeting Faith's eyes. "I'm supposed to be meeting her girlfriend. It's a big."

Faith raised an eyebrow. "Willow has a girlfriend?"

"Tara. Another witch, I guess." Buffy hugged herself briefly, and Faith found herself thinking about wrapping her arms around her to keep her warm. Not gonna happen.

"How do you feel about that?" she asked instead, watching the passing houses. How did Buffy feel about girls having girlfriends in general?

Buffy shrugged. Out of the corner of her eye, Faith tried to see how Buffy felt wearing a different body than she was used to. Curvier. Taller, by an inch or three, and even more with the thick, chunky boots she wore. Buffy wasn't giving anything away, but she was trying to hide herself, as if she could somehow escape notice. It didn't work. Faith's body had...presence. Look at me. Here I am. Yet, somehow, Buffy wasn't awkward with it. She had enough pride to carry it off.

"Willow's been so upset since Oz left," she said. "And...this is new. I don't know. I'm sure Tara's wonderful, I mean...it's just different."

Faith nodded. They were walking through Sunnydale's main drag, heading for the run-down buildings nearer the docks. It didn't take long to get anywhere in a place as small as this. Buffy led the way past a few warehouses and down a crowded back alley to the doors of the Bronze. Faith followed her past the short line, into the club.

Buffy spotted Willow sitting on the couches in the back. She grinned and headed over. Willow looked up as she approached. The soft smile she'd been directing at Tara fell away. She narrowed her eyes at Buffy.

Buffy didn't notice the sudden change. She took a seat opposite the two witches. "Will, hey!"

Willow ignored her. She made a 'you brought her?' face at Faith and said, "Buffy, can I talk to you for a second?" Pause. Glare at Buffy. "Alone?" She grabbed Faith's elbow and wheeled her around, guiding her towards the bar. "We'll get drinks!" she called over her shoulder.

Faith heard the beginning of Buffy's explanation to Tara, then Willow dragged her far enough away that she couldn't hear what they were saying over the music and shouted conversations. Faith opened her mouth, but didn't know what to say. Over her shoulder, she saw Buffy's cheerfulness turned to stunned hurt. "Willow--" she started, but Willow interrupted.

"Buffy, how could you?" Willow was staring over her shoulder at Tara and Buffy. "Okay, that's all I wanted to say, like, this is a bad idea, but I shouldn't leave them alone. Do you think Faith will say something stupid? She'll probably hurt Tara's feelings. I'm going back over there."

"Jeez, Willow, you don't have much confidence in me, do ya?" Faith rolled her eyes. "I'm not gonna insult your girl. I have these 'Pot, meet Kettle,' issues about it."

Willow whirled around, shocked. "But--Buffy--"

Faith sighed. "I'm not Buffy. I'm Faith. It was an accident. Magical fuckup, body switch...it's not a pretty story."

Willow's mouth dropped open. "You know?"

"About the slayer thing? The cat kinda clawed its way out of the bag after the shiny lights decided I should take a vacation in Buffy's body." Faith crossed her arms at Willow's utter bewilderment. "Didn't exactly mean to tell you like this. Sorry."

"Sorry? You're sorry?" Willow sputtered for a second, then got her glare under control again. "You're trying to--well, I don't know what your evil, skanky plan is this time, but I know you aren't going to get away with it."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, you hate my guts, and of course it's all my fault." Faith headed for the bar. "You might want to go explain to B why you gave her the cold shoulder there. Talk about saying something stupid." She shook her head. "I'll get drinks."

Faith didn't wait to see what Willow's answer would be. She ordered four Cokes from the bartender and paid with her leftover lunch money. She didn't really want to go back to the couches. She watched the dancefloor. They did have some pretty good music here. It would be great to stop thinking for a while and just move to the beat. When the bartender handed her the Cokes and her change, though, she headed back. Fresh start, and all that. Whatever.

Buffy and Willow were staring at each other in silence. Tara looked like she wished she could disappear. She was hunched over as much as possible, hiding behind the veil of her hair.

Faith put the glasses down on the table, then deliberately sat right next to Tara. "Hi," she said, in Buffy's bubbly, enthusiastic voice. "I'm Faith. I guess I used to be evil and kill things, but I don't remember any of that--now I hear I'm supposed to kill things, but only the undead kind. If I seem confused, it's 'cause I'm not really myself today."

Tara gave the tiniest nod and a crooked half-smile. "I-I'm T-tara."

"You and Willow been going out long?"

Tara turned a delicate shade of pink. "N-not that long."

Willow looked like she was about to explode. Buffy was pouting at all of them, refusing to get involved. Faith nodded airily. "That's great. You look cute together."

"Th-thanks." Tara uncurled a bit, and brushed her hair back. Her smile was gentle and warm, silently grateful that Faith was going to shove conversation at them whether they wanted it or not.

There was another pause. Faith took a swig of her Coke. No one else had touched theirs. She caught Buffy watching her, but Buffy looked away as soon as their eyes met. Faith clenched her teeth and turned back to Tara.

"So, you're a witch? That's amazing. I didn't even know magic existed until...well, this whole thing." She pointed at Buffy and herself.

"Um, yeah. My--my mom taught me a lot. And, practicing with Willow. Sh-she's very p-powerful." Tara's smile turned warm and loving. Willow couldn't keep up her glare. She smiled back at Tara, like a lovesick puppy.

Faith shifted uncomfortably. It didn't look likely that she'd ever have anything so obviously right, so sweet. "Yeah? Willow's got the big mojo? But if you've been learning since you were a kid..."

"Oh, I do d-different things." Tara's stutter faded as she got involved in her subject. She had some confidence, it was just buried beneath the shyness. Willow's hand, clasped in hers on her lap, seemed to help, too.

"She's wonderful," Willow said, thawing a bit as long as they were discussing her girlfriend. "She's incredibly intuitive, she can read auras, all sorts of stuff." She smiled as Tara blushed and ducked her head again. "And she's modest."

"I-I'm n-not that--"

"Aw, sweetie. Trust me. You're amazing." Willow dipped forward and kissed Tara, a quick peck on the lips.

"Cool." Faith glanced at Buffy again. Buffy was trying not to stare at Willow and Tara acting all cutesy. She had a weird look on her face, sort of surprised, but curious at the same time. "So could you read my aura?"

"It's not like you're an open book, Faith," Buffy said. "Maybe it takes more than just looking at you."

Faith shrugged. "Yeah, but I'm into learning more about myself." She eyed Buffy. "Can't think why that'd be."

Buffy snorted and stared sulkily at the dancefloor.

"I might be able to see something," Tara offered.

"All right." Faith sat up straight and held her breath. "What do I do?"

Tara laughed softly. "Relax."

Faith nodded. "Simple as that?" she joked.

"Hmm," Tara agreed. She turned to face Faith fully. Her blue eyes unfocused slighly. For a moment, she didn't move, and then she tilted her head and frowned. She peered more closely, while Faith tensed under her stare.

"What is it?" Buffy asked, leaning forward, wavy dark hair falling around her shoulders.

"I-I'm n-not sure." Tara shook her head and sat back. Willow caught her hand again, urging Tara to lean into her shoulder. "It's like you have this fractured energy...like something's been, uh, pushed in where it doesn't belong."

"You mean, like, because she's in my body?" Buffy asked. "Do I have the same thing?"

Tara frowned in concentration. She focused on Buffy for a long moment, then sighed and relaxed. "No. I can see the...fault lines...where your soul and Faith's are...mingled. But it's not b-broken, like hers is."

"Broken?" Buffy asked, just as Faith said, "That doesn't sound good."

"It's not," Tara said quietly. "I don't know what caused it."

"This is just great." Faith crumpled her empty plastic cup and threw it on the table. She tried not to show the fear Tara's words sparked. Broken? Like dreams of knives and rain and dying... She shook her head. "Like I didn't have enough problems."

"Maybe not," Willow said. "I mean, not like I want you to have more problems, but, they could all be connected. The coma, and the amnesia...No one ever asked what caused it, did they? You should have healed way faster than eight months, you're a slayer. So maybe it was something else...like, the same thing that's messing with your aura." She smiled triumphantly. "See?"

Tara nodded, and smiled sweetly at Willow. "You're so smart."

Buffy got up and started pacing. "But that doesn't tell us how to fix it," she said. "And, I'd really like to get back to my body, too. Can you guys help with that?"

Willow grimaced. "Maybe. Research is my middle name."

"Your parents have a weird sense of humour, then," Faith said, grinning. At least there was a chance that this could get better. The thought got her charged up, ready for action. She'd gotten used to the feeling, sort of. She was beginning to recognize it as a slayer thing.

Willow tensed. "Faith..."

Faith forced herself not to get too defensive. Would Willow never get over whatever their history was? "What?"

"I'm still not sure about you, you know. You did try to kill me." Willow sighed. "But, you haven't done anything evil recently, so I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt."

Faith's heart stopped. She stared at Buffy. Buffy looked back, eyes dark and sad. "Faith--"

Faith cut her off with a gesture. "I tried to kill you?" she asked Willow. No wonder, she thought, no wonder they hate me.

Willow blinked at her. "Yeah...I thought Buffy told you."

"No..." Faith backed up, holding her hands up defensively. "I thought...I mean, I know I was on the wrong side..." She shook her head. Buffy reached out a hand to her and Faith slapped it aside. "You promised you were telling the truth."

"I did! Just...not all of it...yet." Buffy's muscles were taut. She held her hands open with an effort. "Faith, I didn't want you to feel--"

"You didn't want me to feel what? Like a murderer? I know you called me that. How many people did I kill--real people, not your stupid vampires?"

Buffy shared a glance with Willow. She slumped a bit, her shoulders dropping. "Two," she said. "But one was an accident..."

"Right. An accident. Well, that's okay then, no problem, I'll just forget all about it...oh, wait, I already did!" Faith knew she was ranting, but she couldn't stop. Tara was watching her with eyes as old as the world, and Faith couldn't take the understanding she saw there. It was too much like pity. "Some superhero," she said, and pushed past them, heading for the door.

"Faith!" Buffy called after her, but Faith didn't stop.

She headed out into the back alley, brushing past the bouncer and the gang of muscle-bound college types waiting in line.

"Buffy!" called a voice behind her. Faith kept going, not wanting to run into any of Buffy's little friends while she looked like this. Footsteps ran after her, and Faith resisted the urge to turn around fighting.

"Buffy!" A hand on her shoulder turned her around. "Didn't you hear me?"

Faith shrugged angrily. Storming out dramatically was difficult when people followed you. This guy was half-familiar. Tall, all-American, open farmboy face--oh, yeah, Buffy's boyfriend. Whatshisname. Riley, that was it.

"What's wrong, Buffy?" He gave her a concerned frown. Behind him were two other dudes from the line outside the Bronze, all of them looking like athletic models, with the ramrod-straight posture of soldier-boys.

"Nothing," she muttered, easily pulling out of his grasp. He was the last person she wanted to explain the whole body switch thing to. She wanted to get away from people for a while. She could deal with this if she could just get some time to herself. Then she'd go back, say sorry to Buffy for wigging. She'd known she was evil. That had been clear from the first. It was just...two people. Dead because of her.

Murderer. Psychotic.

Faith was so busy hating herself, she didn't notice Riley leaning in. He was kissing her before she had a clue, meaty tongue thrusting between her lips, beefcake arms holding her gently.

"Fuck off!" Faith shoved back, using more strength than she'd meant to. Riley went flying back into his friends' arms, and nearly knocked them all down like bowling pins. The shorter, compact one checked to make sure Riley was okay, while the taller black guy stepped forward threateningly.

"Forrest! Back off," Riley said, his voice cracking out the command sharply. "Go on without me."

"Riley--" The second guy was staring at him, blank-faced, jaw clenched.

"Go on, Graham, get out of here." Riley waved them away. He turned back to Faith before his two buddies followed his orders and headed for the Bronze. "What the hell was that?" he barked.

"I'm not your girlfriend," Faith spat.

Riley went white. "What...?"

"Riley!"

They both looked up the alley. Buffy was running towards them. Faith couldn't help but notice that she looked really good running.

Riley looked back and forth between the two of them. "Buffy, what is going on?"

"It's a mistake," Buffy said. Riley frowned at her and looked to Faith for the explanation. Buffy laid a hand on his arm. "Riley. It's me. We got caught by a body-switching spell."

"She did this?" Riley asked.

Faith threw her head back, giving a frustrated groan. "I didn't do it."

"It was really more of a we thing," Buffy said.

"When did this happen?" Riley demanded, eyeing Buffy as if he was trying to find some trace of her inside Faith's body.

"This afternoon," Faith said, when Buffy seemed at a loss for words.

Riley glared at her, then, taking Buffy's arm, turned her away from Faith slightly, as if that would stop her from hearing every word. "You could have phoned me, Buffy. I wouldn't have made an ass of myself in front of Forrest and Graham."

"Doubt that," Faith said, just softly enough that Riley could pretend he hadn't heard.

He didn't pretend. "Are you sure this is the best idea? The Initiative could--"

"Riley, I'm not letting the Initiative get their hands on a Slayer. Or have you forgotten that they created Adam?" Buffy jerked her elbow away from his hand. "Look, we're researching the problem, and we'll fix it. Until then--"

"I thought you said Faith was a murderer, and dangerous," Riley said, not bothering to lower his voice any more. "That she was your responsibility. And here you are treating her to a night at the Bronze? In your body?"

Anger boiled up inside Faith. Buffy clamped a hand down on her wrist, as if she knew that Faith was about to explode. She probably did. Faith could feel Buffy's anger, like a raging fire, beneath the surface of her skin.

"This isn't your concern, Riley," she said, the rough voice turning a simple statement into sarcasm.

"I think it is. I think you owe me an explanation."

Buffy's eyes snapped black and deep. Anger flushed her cheeks red, bringing out the dark beauty of Faith's body. "I don't owe you anything, Riley. Not now, not ever. You don't own me."

"Buffy, that's not--"

"Later," Buffy said, obviously trying to reign in her temper. "We'll talk later. I'm... We have to patrol."

"You're taking her--"

Buffy gave him one last glare. "She's a slayer, Riley. She can keep up."

Faith let Buffy drag her away. The last view of Riley she had before they turned a corner was his mouth hanging open in shock, and the jealous fury in his eyes.

*

To be continued.