The Forget Me Not Series

Part Seven- "What I really am"

"I really want to see you," Faith said to Wood into her little red phone. Who
would ever think she would have one of these little phones? And a real boyfriend
to talk on it with, and a semi-real job? She looked at her reflection in the
pastry counter. She was a mess. She had gotten Frappacino in her hair again.

"I really want to see you too," he said to her. He might not if he saw what she
looked like now. Robin's look was always so together; it made her really aware
of when she was disheveled. She supposed it was easier being able to be bald and ne. ne.

"Couldn't you get someone else to watch the detention kids?" she whined.

"It's my turn. I didn't want to be a jerky Boss and not do my share of the shit
jobs," he said.

"What's the point of being the Boss if you can't jerkily avoid the shit jobs?"

"Good point. Why don't you take the night off and let Lazarus deal with the
hired guns? If we stay under the protection spell there should be no problem,
and hey I think the protection spell is where your little house is...with the
big bed," he teased.

"I can't. Angel and Wes are here to help us with those fighters. Angel is
throwing down mad money. The least I can do is my part. Besides, I'm not the
boss!" she laughed.

"Right, business man vampire, is he the boss now? You know, when that Buffy was
here she made it clear that the Slayer was the boss," he reminded.

"Well, no one is the boss... We are a Feminist non-hierarchy here...more evolved
than you male hierarchical structure," she joked. A student of Robin's had
proposed that model instead of "traditional student government" and they were
still laughing about it.

"Tell that to your little punk nurse vamp," Robin laughed. His new name for
Spike since Spike had the ability to heal her.

"He'd be into it. Just replace the 'feminist' with 'anarchist'," she said.

"Well can't you tell your fellow anarchist vampire to meet business man vampire?
They are like Barbie dolls that come free with souls. Business Vampire that
comes with fighters, Punk rock vampire that comes with his big bad coat...Is
there a hippy one? Are they all white?"

"So far. Hey that's not right! You should become one and then go get a soul due
to your undying love for me," she cackled loudly. People getting out of
Starbucks stared. He was so cool. How many guys could deal with this let alone
make really good jokes?

"No thanks...I'm kind of a day guy."

Yeah, even the best of the best don't go getting souls for you. You had to be
the right kind of girl.

Mr. Ordered Myself a Soul had been trying to help her control the demon, as he
did with his own so easily. He kept insisting the demon was part of her, and
that they could control it. Control the demon-fine. She was all for control.
Give her a whip; throw her in with the lion. h juh just wished Spike would
shut-up about with "The demon is part of" th" theory. Faith had made herself a
coffee drip. " You think It's a little bit like stealing?" her co-worker Madison
asked. "There's no such thing as a little bit like stealing. It's like being a
little bit pregnant. Either were stealing or were not. And we are, but the real
question is who is it hurting?"

3..2..1..the burrito was ready in the Starbucks microwave. She liked them better
than any fancy dinner date because she knew just how they would taste evertimetime. Yeah, she did like Robin taking her to all those French or Belgian
restaurants or whatever. But there was something good about going back to the
familiar food that was good in that bad for you way. You can have peaches flamb'
every once in a while, if you had the money, and the time, and the place. But
there was always a 7-11 and a burrito if you had no money you could steal
one...a little bit. Faith heard rapping on the door. UG! Why couldn't these
jerk-offs read closed signs? She'd let Madison deal with it.

"Your boyfriend's here," Madison said.

Spike was walking behind her his black duster trailing behind him made him look
like a short punk blond friendly Darth Vader. Okay, he looked nothing like
Darth, but the coat just made him bad assed. He did that head-tilt grin thing
when he heard that he was once again titled her boyfriend.

"Oh, he's not my boyfriend. Principal Wood is my boyfriend," she told Madison.
Madison had just graduated from the high school.

"Very funny," Madison snipped. Why did none of her Co-workers, who were recent
Sunny D high school grads believe she was dating Robin? Was she that white
trash?

"Spike, tell her you are not my boyfriend and that Robin is my boyfriend. This
is how rumors get started," Faith said.

"What can I say? The girl has a thing for playin' the bad school girl and the
naughty headmaster, as old hat as it is," Spike winked at Madison.

"Go fmmck yoursmmlf," Faith said with a mouthful of whipped-cream.

"You're English?" Madison asked.

"What gave me away?" he smiled.

"You're English. dude, that's crazy," Madison decided.

Madison was tiny and blond, like B. Spike could screw all these little girls as
easily as he smiled at them, but he didn't. This confused Faith. Screwing helped
people feel better, especially men, but not him, not enough.

"Thought I'd come by early so we could train sooner. Need to talk more about it
all, don't we? It's not just all rough and tumble between us with training,"
Spike said.

Spike was probably assuming Madison wouldn't wonder what he was talking about,
or he didn't care. Faith was so relieved to be with someone that wasn't obsessed
with hiding. People could do the whole denial thing on their own, if that's what
turned them on.

She told Madison she was going out to smoke.

"Damn! Fuck! Taste this. It's fuckin' nasty. It just came in," Faith scowled as
she tasted the new coffee, and handed it to Spike. She knew it would never occur
to him to not taste it. They both wanted to know how bad stuff could get. There
was no sense in trying to hide.

"S' all right," the vamp said after he swallowed,

"Just needs sugar is all."

"It needs a freaking pound of sugar, and maybe whipped-cream and so much fucking
chocolate that you can't taste it anymore... Hey, that sounds good. Let's make
those," she commanded.

"If it's on you, Slayer," Spike said.

"Screw that!" Faith croaked, "you know the coffee is never on me. It's always on
Harry!"

Good ol'Harry, Starbucks ,CEO her sugar Daddy-literally. He gave them free sugar
and stupid drinks. Spike grinned. Was he picturing the of of Starbucks buying
the two of them coffee? No, he was much more interesting than that. Faith knew
he was picturing stig itg it to a rich prick, like Harry. He had Harry by the
balls in game face as he demanded Harry stop putting Starbucks across the street
from each other because that was "just bloody wrong"...and he also wanted one of
those Johnny Cash cds. Yeah, it was something like that going on in English
boy's dead brain.
won wonder if Harry really is evil. Pushing all the Mom and Pop coffee shops
outta business, putting Starbucks everywhere. All he would have to do is put
mind control drugs in the coffee and BAM world domination, Dude! He's already
got me working for him with all the good benefits," Faith said.

"An evil CEO wouldn't give good benefits. He'd work you to death promising some
pie in the sky reward," Spike said.

"Angel gives good benefits. I should work for him, better pay, more rewarding,"
Faith said coyly. She knew it would get him going. She felt like talking about
the evils of corporations. Work had sucked today. "No way in Hell I'm letting
that happen. I like it better this way, when Angel comes to work for us." Spike
stiffened.
u meu mean with us, E," Faith reminded. If the CEO in Starbucks wasn't evil
couldn't Spike admit Angel wasn't? Nope, probably not.

"His boy's done more to help us than him and all his fancy soldiers so far,"
Spike grumbled.

"Yeah, I really dig that kid... almost as much as you. Who knew you'd have a
thing for troubled youth?" she teased. She was in a mood today to just get him
going. She could use a good real training session or a nice friendly fight.

"I'm with you for hours a day, aren't I?" Spike asked.

"I'm long past troubled youth... I'm now into wanted criminal," she laughed and
then stared off at nothing, until he lit her cigarette with his.

"You don't have to train with me all the time if you don't want to. I can find
another way... It must be getting boring. I just want to make up for all the
training I missed not playing nice with the Council and all," she said between
puffing. "You can't do without me for the demon part of you," Spike said.

True. God damned demon. She was sick of it. It was getting old.

".. scr screw the Council!" Spike continued, "All they ever did was teach a
Slayer how to die. I should know the Council did nothing for the two Slayers I
bagged."

"You did two Slayers in your prime, right... I always forget," she said dully,
"Well, technically you've done three." She then burst out laughing. She often
tried to picture him and B going at it and for some reason she just couldn't.
Good for B though, she had got to really throw down win enn ensouled vamp and
not have to worry about him killing everyone the morning after. Geez. Faith
never thought about Angel and B's romp like that! No wonder B had been so
uptight. Of course, any experience would be better than Faith's first time, and
she wasn't uptight. No sir, she was just totally fucked up constantly trying to
make something up to B, who wasn't here.

"It's true what they say. The third time's the charm," Spike laughed.

Spike suddenly grew serioThe The reason Buffy was able to beat me was because
she knew to put all that Council rot aside... and she had a mum and friends."
Was he trying to tell her to be careful because she didn't have as many friends?
Even Spike could be tactful with some things.

"Hmmm... I'm kinda borrowing B's friends now. The more things change... Maybe I
should just take off with the kid. He's the only Super Friend I have not
directly connected to Baithaith frowned.

"No other big bad has has killed two Slayers alone, you know? So you're not
going to get a better trainer... And don't have any thoughts of going off to the
big city with Angel. I can be the first to tell you he's a horrible teacher-No
patience," Spike said.

"Wha? " Faith grunted. Okay, Spike was saying that the vampire she had tried to
kill several times, who ended up redeeming her, had no patience. Meanwhile,
Spike couldn't sit through the commercials between "Passions" with out cursing
the TV out.

"Well, if you take off with the boy he'll be with his Da at the family business,
no doubt. As much as I tried to stop that," Spike said.

"I wouldn't really take off with the kid, Spike! I need to be near you for the
demon healing. And, I have a boyfriend here, remember? And a job and something
resembling a real life... Don't listen to everything that comes out of my mouth
sometimes it just spews random shit."

He could be so thick sometimes.

"Pity, a pretty mouth like that doing such a nasty thing," Spike smirked. He did
have a bit of that subtle Brit charm huh? Nothing else was subtle with him,
which could work your last nerve. At least he didn't have that stick up his
English Channel. Was that why he hated Wes so much? But Wes had seemed to have
his stick removed. No, Spike was just a catty bitch to all men, except for
Angel's son. What was up with that? Faith thought it was just mutual
Angel-ing,ing, but she realized when she saw them therther again, it was way
more than that.

"Besides, if anything the kid will be with you. He can't stand his own Dad, but
you have some kind of big brother thrall on him," Faith said.

"No thrall, Fi... I just didn't diddle the boy around. But, Angelus will get the
boy back. He always gets everyone back then he hurts them again."

"It's Angel not Angelus. Angel wouldn't hurt his kid or me. I wouldn't want to
work for him just because it would be awkward- me being hired to kill him before
with the place he owns now," Faith laughed.

"That company will bring Angelus out," Spike said.

"Pffft," Faith responded with a talk-to-the-hand gesture and he was going to
talk to the hand until the mouth moved. She had a way of getting into the same
things with him over and over. A co-dependant relationship-- her prison shrink
would say. No shit! She needed him to keep her alive after her demon came out.
He needed her for...what exactly?

"I know you don't want to hear it but it's the bloody truth, and when he does
come out he's going to have that sodding corporation at his feet and a city to
play with. We'll have to move fast to save the kid... and the sodding world. I
need you with me," Spike said.

"If it happens, and it won't. I'll be with you... as long as you promise we'll
save Angel," Faith's eyes narrowed. She had never gone this feforefore to give
him the satisfaction of admitting it was possible. Faith did not want to
remember what Angelus said: I'm always here, Faithy.

"Bloody---fine, if we can we will, all right?" Spike sighed.

"And I'll be the one to decide if we can't," Faith said.

"No way!" Spike snorted, "You'll bloody throw yourself to the lions for him,
just like Buffy... I'm not gonna burn just so some bint can die for Angelus!"

"You think I'd let you burn? Screw you. Then I'm not with you. I'd save Angel
myself. Just like I did before... No need for you to get involved. You and the
kid can go off to Dodger stadium that day. Not that this is ever going to
happen. Angel knows not to screw around like that again," Faith said. As if she
would let Catty-Bitch Boy here fight Angelus and die? As if she would let him
alone with psycho GQ for three seconds. Angelus just feeds on hate, and no one
seems to hate him more. Faith really couldn't blame Spike'd s'd spent twenty
years with Angelus on and off. It was the one thing he didn't go into. This
vamp, who was good enough to love women and ask for a soul had lived with the
most evil vamp ever. No one seemed to tell Spike that he was supposed to be
totally evil. Guess he was absent that day. Or maybe not, Spike didn't follow
rules very well.

"Remember what Mr. Green Jeans said. You should trust me, little girl. Angel is
already screwed," Spike said. He stood an inch her her face with that "I know
better" smile, and pointed at her. She should have shut this little talk down
the minute it started. Give some people an inch and they'd take a mile. She
would know, she was a taker.

"Lorne meant to trust you about the demon and shit... and I do. Do you think I
would let just let anybody try to help me control that thing?" she said as she
knocked his hand away. "That demon isn't evil, not really, its part of it is
you. You just need to learn to accept your dark-"

"Would you stop saying that? It is not me. I worked so hard to have a demon like
that not be me. B knew what she was doing when she refused to take it in. Do you
think it's fun for me to let you put your healing junk inside me just so the
demon can go off again? ...Feeling all your fucking feelings, and how good you
are just so I can keep that thing that isn't good in me?" She interrupted him,
her eyes burning.

Okay, there were worse things to talk about than Angelus. Faith's own monster
that Spike was in total denial about. He thought it was okay to have this evil
rageful thing in her. He probably thought everyone was like him. Everyone could
have a demon in them and learn to control it and become a Champ or a little
Jesus and go skipping along their merry fucking way. It was like when artists
said that anybody could draw...only there were people's lives at stake.

"You just said you trusted me with the demon and you obviously don't. I'm sorry
it's so bloody horrible having me save your ass, but you have no choice," Spike
said.

"Of course I have a choice; I always have a choice," she said softly now. What?
Did Spike think Faith was going to risk fucking up again? That she was going to
let herself slide back into being a disgusting nothing?

"No you don't. With out me there to heal you, you'd die. You know tha-" Spike
actually stopped talking with Faith's eyes burning defiantly.

Why couldn't he see it, how badly she could turn on him, on everyone? He had
seen it so easily two years ago when she wasn't able to convince B that Faith
wanted her to stay. Spike had seen that Faith allowed herself to betray B-again.


"I always have a choice," she told him firmly. He had to get that she was a
Slayer and.... Faith felt something cold and hard hit her in the mouth, like a
mallet.

Faith realized what had hit her before she could grunt and stumble back into the
Starbucks wall. Spike had hit her...again. Harder than the last time. It had
almost been as hard as B's little crowbar fists. So he did see the evil in her,
and it pissed him off.

"Oh god!" Spike said as if he was commenting on horrible shocking news, and not
something he'd done. She had pissed him off so much he didn't even realize what
he did. Maybe that was how it was for B....and for the people when she was a
kid.

"Faith, I'm sorry... Are you all right?" Spike gasped. Had she looked upset for
a second? That was only because she was surprised. Of course she was all right.
It was just one hit

"Let me see... Please. Let me see," he said so low.

Oh man! There was no reason to get so upset about this now. Spike should take
lessons from B...and everyone else. She always called him a crybaby, because he
could get really down but she had never seen him actually cry-cry, and he looked
like he was about to do it.

"Relax, English," Faith scoffed as she held her face. She didn't want him to see
if he had hurt her.

"I get hit all the time. That was actually kind of sad compared to the last time
you really hit me," she said.

"I just can't handle another girl with a bloody death wish...but... I'm so
sorry," he repeated.

Okay, he was looking better, like he wouldn't cry after all. Thank God. That
would have sucked so bad. "Yeah, you said that already. No drama. Okay? It's
five by five. I bring it out of people. I think you're the first one to ever
apologize for sucker punching me... That earns you a free mocha," she chirped.

"So, we're all square? You really trust my sodding ass now," he laughed
bitterly.

"I told you. I do. Just not with the Angelus thing. If he ever needs putting
down I'll be the one to do it- not you," she said firmly. She stood on her toes
to match his height.

Maybe she could win the Angel fight now, since Spike was feeling guilty. She may
not want to be evil, but why stop being manipulative, right? She felt like she
said that before to someone-It wasn't Wes. It was someone just like him that
pissed her off and pulled at her in the same ways

"Man, I just got total deja vu. Have we ever talked about this? Maybe you did
sock me harder than I thought," she laughed and shook her head now.

"You decide and I'll be the one... I know it would hurt you to do it. We should
keep your hurt to a minimum," Spike said apologetically.

"Yeah," she laughed, "You. The vampire that can't hit the Slayer with out
getting all weepy is gonna take down Angelus. Come get your fucking mocha."

"I'm the big bad that got two Slayers. Angelus let you slip away, the ol' Spike
wouldn't have...Another reason why I'm the best trainer you'll ever have. I can
get you ready for Angelus. Angelus with a bloody whopping load of power. The
fight of your bloody life. But, if we learn to control the demon enough, you
could get your wish and save Peaches... unless your little death wish supercedes
that, or training with me is just too bloody scary," Spike said.

______________________________________________________________________

Spike was really beginning to piss Faith off, but she wasn't going to let that
happen. She was going to learn to control her anger. That is what she promised
Robin and herself. Spike was saying that the demon was part of her, that she had
more control over it then she thought. Faith wanted to be trained hard, that is
what she told Spike from the beginning. Spike said he was no Watcher from the
beginning. Faith said that was good, and it was. But, she never expectetraitraining to be the way it was. It was like doing some mystery brand of acid
because no one could score any X. Totally fun at times, totally terrifying at
others, and you were in control as much as the guy who dosed you, even though he
had more of an idea of what would happen. Now, Spike told her to bring the demon
out so they could work on controlling it. Faith insisted it wouldn't work. It
wasn't a freakin' puppet, if anything SHE was its puppet. They argued about this
until she offered to do Zen meditation to try to get the demon to come. She was
getting so pissed at him she felt like she needed to meditate to stay calm
anyway. She wanted to be Zen.

"That's not the key to it, pet," he snorted.

He told her it wouldn't work. She had to try. If Red could go all black-eyed
Goddess without meaning to Faith should be able to will her demon out...No, not
will it just let it come...Zen.

"Meditation is the key to controlling the body and mind. If this thing is a part
of me I have to be Zen to control it," she told him.

"Hung out with the Buddhists in prison, love?" he did that smirky eyebrow raise.


"Yes and fuck you!" she said.

"And Om gara jiya sabaha to you too, Firecracker," he said.

"Wha?" she asked.

"It's a Zen Mantra...It means 'break through Hell'...and that is what were going
to do," he said.

"Can we just try it my way, Love?'" He said doing that raised eye brown eye-roll
thing he did.

"Why should we? You're being an asshole," she retorted.

"What? I just asked a bloody question!" he grumbled. Good anything to get that
saner than thou look off his face.

"It's not what you said it's what you did," she said.

"I think you've gone too far into Nirvana, Fi," he scoffed and there it was
again.

"Now it's what you're saying as well as what your doing! Knock it off!"

"I know I'll regret asking but what am I doing?" he sighed.

"Giving me that look with those eyes! Just don't, okay?" she accused.

"Um, these are the only two eyes I have to look at you with."

"No, they're not...It's those than 'This chick is psycho and I can't believe B
stuck me with her' eyes ...they really piss me off even more than the 'I feel
really so sorry for this poor little poor girl' eyes," she insisted.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

"Look in the mirror right no seo see the 'Psycho chick' eyes," she told him.

"Can't do quite do that, enlightened one. Vampire, remember?"

"Yeah. That doesn't seem fair. If you get your soul back you should get at least
the sun-light thing or the no reflection thing revoked," she said. She was
always forgetting he was a vampire. Funny, she always remembered Angel was one.

"I don't know if I'd wanna see it. Apparently, I've developed some sort of cross
eyed problem in my old age," he scoffed.

"It's not so bad... At least I know you can't lie to me. You know how people
wear their heart on their sleeve. It's like you wear your brain on your face,"
she yawned as she laid on the mat.

"Oh, thanks, that sounds bloody attractive," Spike said. He brought out a huge
box with something banging wildly inside of it. He was practically carrying it
with one arm, yapping the whole time. She liked to look at him. He was this kind
of tiny, but well muscled creature that could do amazing things with his
strength and never gave it a thought. It was like seeing herself, what she must
look like when she was in the moment...Zen.

"Ugh!" she moaned, "Are you punishing me, English-Boy? I've been a Slayer for
almost seven years now. Aren't I beyond fighting the vampire in the crate?"

"Yes," he answered.

"Oeew! It's not a vamp. What is it? Something slimy? Something hot? I don't mean
hot like Vin Diesel I mean like Volcano demon," she said.

"Nope, it's a boring old vampire. A field mouse we're feeding the big
snake...Vin Diesel? Please at least pick someone who can act!" he grumbled as he
opened the crate.

"You did not just call me a big snake, " she shuddered, then she smiled, "You're
just jus bus because Vin Diesel's wrist is as big as your waist."

The vampire jumped out and wordlessly looked at Spike and Faith and then
growled. It was a pathetically average one. It didn't bother que questions or
witty batter. It was just all kill, kill, kill. He looked like any guy she'd
give a cup of joe to at Starbucks, accept he was in game face and lunging at
Spike as Spike darted out of the way. Spike was a fast little shit, and a hard
hitter. Not little- wiry.

"What did I do to deserve this?" she whined.

"You got more of your share of Slayer demon in you... Now, I'm gonna let this
friendly little sod beat the bloody piss out of me and you are going to sit
there like a good little Slayer and watch," he answered.

"What am I being trained for Watcher now? No, thanks. Good little Slayers don't
watch, in fact they do the opposite....and I'm not little. That was B. I'm wiry.
And why the fuck are we doing this?" She winced as the vampire punched Spike.

"Have you no insight at all, girl! The demon only comes out when you think
someone you love is in mortal danger." He scoffed as the vampire kicked him

"No it-I don't---You-Someone I love, huh? Aren't we all full of ourselves? You'd
have to bring my Mom back to life and then have a vampire try to kill her." She
folded her arms and the vampire was kicking him.

"Fine! People that you care for...You mean to tell me you don't love your
headmaster?" he asked as the vampire was pulling him up.

"My head---? Oh you mean Robin. I don't think I wanna talk about that with you,"


"Why the hell not? Don't I know about everything else? Who else can you talk
to?" he demanded.

"In order: because Robin hates you. ou dou don't. And Kennedy and Harris, I
suppose," she said.

"You suppose, but you don't talk to them about your boy either...Anytime you
want to let this demon out and save my ass, by the by."

He was getting tired. Soon she'd just kill the vampire with her hands, like a
good not-little, not-girlie, not-blond Slayer.

"Why would I need to talk about Robin when everything in fine? People only talk
about relationship shit when there is shit. There is no shit except for the shit
I cause. ...And maybe the demon doesn't respond to people I care for if they're
being idiots...This isn't going to work. I don't have any control over the
shadow demon Spike. It's not me," she insisted. She and Robin had easily
made-up, though he was really upset about her running.

"It's part of yoo-- OW! OW! OW!" he yelped as the vampire grabbed him by the
balls and started to lift him up. The way he cried out had jolted her. Like he
was scared. Spike was never scared, but of course when people mess with your
privates all the rules are out the window. Faith knew that better than anyone.
No one hurts Spike like that. No one makes him scared like that. Faith would
fucking kill this thing with the five torture group. Th. That's when she felt
that storm cloud inside her. It felt like an internal sucking chest wound that
traveled her way up to her throat and out her mouth as a scream, but it wasn't a
scream it was the shadow demon.

"Thank you," he whispered as the demon came out of her and only made her float
six inches of the ground. It surrounded the vampire's head and broke his neck
off. Her eyes were closed but she knew it did that. The sucking chest wound
feeling was now like a vacuum. It was vacuuming out everything that made her be
to walk and talk all that motor stuff...If it went on it would take the main
engine, the heart.

*STOP!* A strong voice that lived inside of her head said *You killed the
vampire, and Spike is fine.* Then the demon came back inside of her. It never
did that before, if it had, Faith hadn't been conscious for it. She dropped on
the matt with an "Uhh!"

"Sorry, sorry couldn't catch you that time, Love...Too busy with my
aftershocks," he whispered as he crawled over to the matt.

He did look so sorry and she was the one who let his balls get hurt.

"I'm five by," she croaked.

She wasn't. She felt like shit. "I just need the healing is all," because she
knew he knew she was lying. He found her hand.

"But, It's getting better, see? You made it come out and you made it stop," he
stopped and took a breath in pain, "There's hope here, at least you didn't pass
out, love" he said weakly to her.

"No, but if you asked me to get up I couldn't," she said.

"Actually I was talking to myself with that last bit. You have no idea how much
that hurts a fellow," he said.

"And Spike stumbles on why Slayers are all women," she laughed weakly.

Then their hands started to glow.

"So was that O-um garment Gia whatever your mantra when you were not in the best
of places?" she asked.

"No, it was 'She believes in me,'" Spike told her.

B believed in him. Well, of course she did.

They started to glow all over. He pulled her into his lap again. That was the
kind of thing that really pissed Robin off. She explained that Spike wasn't
holding her for kicks or some kind of New Age therapy because Faith was never
held as a kid. It was to have the healing work. She told Robin (again) that it
was not some sexual mojo. "No, but it's intimate!" Robin insisted.

But Robin was a reasonable guy, even if something about Spike made him
unreasonable at times. He knew Faith couldn't help it. So he tried not to bring
it up. Faith knew it bothered him. She just found reasons to take Robin
patrolling less often in case the demon showed up. Too bad she couldn't exactly
plan around when the assassins came after them. That's why she had to learn to
control the demon. Man, she had become a normal chick. She wanted to control her
demon for the sake of her relationship... and not killing people would be nice.
Faith could never reach the normal-chickness that B had in her all along; B
managed to not kill any humans.

______________________________________________________________________

Faith was glowing with the light she brought out in him. But she always glowed
didn't she?

"It-it can't just be me getting angry...It's not me...It's the thing those men
put inside of me," she whispered looking up at him with big eyes. She was trying
so hard to tell him this, but she was asking it instead.

She always glowed even when she was worried, or dying, or angry. She never
stopped trying; no woman had that over her. She never gave up. He'd never have
to run his mouth to get her to try again, though he may have to run his mouth to
get her to try things his way. She'd go down before she stopped fighting. That's
what bloody terrified him more than any demon living inside of her.

"Partly, it is what those Pre-Watcher Wankers did to you...but partly it is you
saving our asses, because you lo-care for us," he said.

They used to have to cut the chatter when they did this, but all things
change-evolve. Soon he wouldn't be needed. Spike could feel it, like he could
feel the potential in her, and the soul in himself.

He held both of her hands. They were ice cold. Painfully cold, like when a human
girl would be outside in the Boston snow with no gloves. He had forgotten all
about human cold hands and how they hurt. They could get so cold that it hurt to
come back from numb, and it made you just want to stay there. But he'd fix them
up. Even if he could feel how hurt they were to come back from numb.

"Can you do this, E?" she gasped suddenly, "You aren't too hurt."

"No, love," he said.

Hurt. When was he not hurt or hurting? With Buffy gone, with his rising from
burnt bits of himself?

"I feel something. I feel your hurt... You're sad," she said.

And he knew she did. In a way that no one else had. In a way that she would take
it into herself if she could.

"Well, that's nothing you didn't know, right?" he assured her, "I'm five by
five, love."

Didn't she know how hurt she was herself and that she couldn't take in anymore?o, so, she was really so nave. The opposite of Dru, Faith pretended to be seasoned,
while part of her was a child. His child, right? That was the feeling he had
come to have for her. What else could it be? It wasn't like the love he had for
Buffy, and hew hew he really loved Buffy.

"You better be. I need you...You know for this and those mistaken identity
assassins," she said.

He wanted to tell her that he was here for her, but the glowing had grown into
fire now and this was when they fell into meditative states, he supposed. His
insides burned, but not in a bad way. Faith was calling to him. Firecrackers did
make you explode if you held them for too long, right??

**********************************************************************

**He saw that nice lady again with the long almost-white hair, or he was going
over what he had seen before. Bits of dreams coming back to him that he was
slowly putting together like his body out of ashes: Did the nice lady mind if he
kneeled before her? It wasn't as if he really had this body anymore.

"So, it's your choice to go back. Rise from the ash and return to it, for her",
nice lady wanted to be clear. It wasn't as if he was maki dea deal with the
devil or Drusilla- Goddesses weren't underhanded. She asked gently that he look
at her this time. It made him cry to look at her. He was nothing more than a
man, and she was- she was--. No he was less than a man he had been a disgusting
evil thing for so bloody long.*

*"Yes, but I like eye-contact. It's just a personal preference," she said.*

*He told her again: Why does a man do what he mustn't, for her- to be hers? He
wouldn't belong to thatthat way. He had tried to belong to a Slayer like that
and it hadn't worked. He wasn't worthy of that, of course. This was a way that
was one hundred percent pure. To rise again and burn out. It was what he was
bloody good at.

*"Yes, but this time it's all your choice. You were chosen, so you also get to
choose. You could be human, live out your mortal years in peace. Let things fall
where they may. You do like to leave things to chance you aren't like the other
one. Not at all. You could stop, get out of the battle... You look at me,
William and you shake and you cry. What you don't realize is that all that we
have done-all that we have not done--- all depends on the free will of all the
champions. The champions present and past," she laughed at him as his eyes
widened.*

*He was before a Goddess. She glowed. Her eyes made his core shake. He should be
graveling more. Making up poems about how wonderful she was. Hs fas failing her.
How could she ever tolerate him? How could he even think he was worthy of being
tolerated? He could feel himself crying again.*

*"William none of this would have any meaning if you didn't truly chose it. The
God that resides within you, that is life, wisdom and compassion gives you the
power and gift of Freewill. Freewill means that the Universe never judges, never
interferes with your own choices - and sees you as a being of equal creative
r," r," she said as she stood before him glowing awesomely.*

*"Oh, my lady...It hurts me that you say such things!" Spike cried, "That can't
be true. You're the only God here-Goddess. I should beg you to be judged! Look
at what I've done with my free will! My bloody power-every decision was bloody
selfish...Even his his last one, I wanted to save the world, but Buffy is in the
world and I love her!"*

*"Look," she sighed, "I'm just saying, Billy. If you thought the last round of
being a champion was hard...I'm sure being a returning one will be harder... You
could get out of the fight... If you want to get on your bike and see the
country, really live, get away from your demons...Now's your chance,"*

*She was tired of all of this groveling, was she?*

*"If yhinkhink I'd want to get out of the fight you must not know me very well
then," It was the closest he could come to ribbing a Goddess.*

*"No, I do," she sighed, "I just had to ask."*

*Yes, he was a bloody fool that couldn't change.*****

********************************************************************

Spike took a startled breath as he felt as if his heart had been ripped out of
his chest. Yes, technically he didn't need his heart or his breath, but it
wasn't pleasant all the same.

"Spike!"

She was angry with him? Hadn't he made the right choice? It was his choice, she
had said!

"Spike!"

Oh it was Faith. Well, she was always brassed off at him. "You broke the
connection! How many times must I bloody tell you don't do that! It's very
disturbing!"

He was brassed off now.

"You're disturbing!" she barked, "It was getting too hot, and where were you?"

"I was the bloke that had a hold of you and was healing you...I'm the one that
does it every time after the demon comes out and weakens you to death's door.
That was me. And it's very rude to interrupt me before I'm done!"

"That's not what I meant. You weren't there with me. I could feel that you were
somewhere else...Where was it?" she demanded.

"I swear, baby, I was thinking of you the whole time...It's all about you, baby.
She means nothing to me," he laughed.

"I'm serious!" she spat.

"S I! I! This isn't sex, Firecracker. You have your man for that. One of the
few benefits a fellow has with no regular girl is that he doesn't have to get
this inquisition," he sighed.

"I'll give you a Spanish inquisition, if you don't stop it!" she grumbled and
then paused and took a deep breath. "I could just...tell you weren't present in
the moment. I think you should be if you're healing me. I get your aura or
whatever you wanna call it, and it's creepy when you go to that heavy place...
This time... this time, I could feel you getting ready to leave... You can't
leave! I-I mean... the Hellmouth is quiet, but we have assassins after us and we
need to stick together...because if you left they would still be after both of
us anyway, you know?"

"I think you arkingking this mediation stuff way too far. I was just thinking
about the big picture for a second. And don't worry, if I leave, it will be
because you don't need me anymore, or because you need me to, all right? Real
men don't leave."

"So, you should be gone already," she joked now.

"I suppose I should be," he smiled.

______________________________________________________________________

"You are a disgusting male chauvinist pig and I don't know why I even talk to
you!" Kennedy yelled over the bar music as Spike's gelled peroxide head had the
nerve to give her a surprised look. If it was any other man....All she did was
throw nachos at him. She was glad when he seemed to be bothered by it.

"Oy! Watch the coat!" he grumbled as he brushed the nachos off.

" I just can't believe somethiike ike that would come out of your mouth. Maybe
it's left-over evil," Kennedy spat.

"Could be, I may kill you if you stain the coat. I had to buy this one, and
they're not cheap," Spike sighed coyly.

"Don't you dare change the subject. You damned fascist!" She brushed back her
long dark hair angrily.

"I'm no bloody fascist. You take that back! Man's got a right to his opinion,
and I think a Slayer shouldn't have children. I think a 'Bit deserves to come
first, and a Slayer can't put them first," Spike repeated his stupid opinion
again.

He grabbed at his onion blossom and licked his black finger nails like they were
just talking about something stupid. This was really important! Not that Kennedy
ever thought about having children. She saw them as short annoying people that
cried to easily. But Willow could want one someday. It was just like Willow, to
be a Goddess and want to care for something small. This had all come about
because Wood had told Faith his mother had been Slayer. Faith was shocked that
Slayers could have kids, which was weird. You think she'd be more shocked her
boyfriend had kept this huge secret form her. But, whatever, Spike was the one
that shocked her. It just goes to show you beware of the woman worshippers, they
have a flip side

"K!" Faith laughed, "Slaying isn't being head editor of 'Ms.' Magazine. It's
dangerous, mind blowing , emotional work! Even if you live who had time for a
kid after that?"

"Oh, so you can only have a safe cushy job if you want to be a mother...and if
your one otherwise you suck! Shame on you, Faith! I can expect it from

Mr. I-think-I'm-an-expert-on-women-just-because-I'm-obsessed-with-them but not
you!" Kennedy said.

"I NEVER said I was an expert on women. I just know Slayers. I know the life. I
know how they shut everyone out," Spike said.

"I think you just know Buffy...Everyone wants to think that Buffy shut everyone
out because she was the Slayer because it was nice to have that to blame it on,"
Kennedy said.

"K! This is where I start to wish you had an 'off' switch. You didn't-you don't
know B and everything she went through- that we put her through," Faith said
quietly as she looked at Spike.

"I don't, but all I'm saying just because Buffy was too closed off to be a good
mother---"

"Listen-" Spike began.

Ha! How does it feel to have your buttons pushed, Jack ass? Kennedy would win
this one either way. Either Spike would have to admit that Buffy wouldn't be a
good mother. (And she wouldn't be, she had treated all the Potentials like dog
meat.) Or he'd have to admit that Slayers could be good mothers. But Faith
jumped in before he could start.

"K, you met her at one of the worst times in her life. The world was ending. It
was all on her. I couldn't get it together, as usual." Faith said.

"Would you stop saying that? You were together. You were so together! You were
tight! You did what you had to do, while you still felt for us unlike-"

"You know what? I think this is our cue to cut you off." Faith said as she held
up a beer.

"I haven't had one drop of alcohol," Kennedy said.

"All the more reason for us to be off like prom dresses...Bye you guys," Faith
said and grabbed Kennedy's hand and exited the bar with her.

"See, you would make a great Mom! Whisking the kid away before they can start
making fun of the fat lady, or in this case the anorexic Slayer," Kennedy
laughed as Faith had her by the hand outside the bar on the sidewalk.

"K that is not cool! Not cool!" Faith grumbled but then laughed.

"See you know the things I say are true," Kennedy insisted.

"K, B isn't exactly here to defend herself...and you don't neo beo be putting
Spike through the wringer like that. I can hear his heart break whenever anyone
even mentions her in less than stellar terms," Faith lectured. She really did
sound like a mom.

"Yeah, exactly," K said, "Just what we need more of around here making saints of
people that are long gone that we have to learn to live without... It's really
easy to think someone who isn't here is perfect. They aren't around to make any
mistakes while you are."

It didn't matter that there were other people who had been here before them, no
matter how great those people were. This was there time now. Why should Faith
and Kennedy feel like they were stepping into other people's shoes? Faith was
the Slayer now; Kennwas was Willow's girl. Of course there had been other
Slayers, other girlfriends.

"Something tells me this isn't all about B," Faith sighed.

"Well, yes!" K grumbled, "You're not the only one that has some lost Super-Hero
that everyone feels they wronged that you can never liv too too!...Did you ever
meet Tara? What was she like?"

"I met her for a few seconds. She was nothing like you," Faith said.

"Oh," Kennedy said quietly now.

"She was very nervous and twitchy and closeted. Not that I did anything to make
her comfy. But, I really think that Red has evolved with you," Faith said.

"Oh," was all Kennedy found herself saying.

"You know, K. It sounds like you should follow your own advice and not take this
out on people who aren't here like B and Red's ex. Now, we better stop before we
get in trouble for ill talking the dead. Not that B is-Hello? You wanna take a
picture it lasts longer?" Faith grumbled suddenly realized there were a group of
guys following them.

"Hey...you girls wanna party?" one of the drunken trio asked.

Men were always coming up to Kennedy and Faith and Kennedy and Willow when they
obviously wanted to be alone. It was like they didn't want women to get too far
with out them. Kennedy had been having the day for it. Faith saw them coming,
but she never let herself get too pissed about the l stl stuff.

"You couldn't handle us, baby," Faith laughed, and they kept on walking.

They knew they weren't vampireou jou just get a sense for these things after a
while. But no matter what you never fully developed a sense of what men could
do. Kennedy heard zap and Faith pushed Kennedy out of the way, or the other way
around. She didn't know what happened because she wasn't giving these guys any
tht. St. She saw Faith on the ground. One of the guys tried to grab her and she
nailed him in the nuts.

"Let her go. It's me you want... Get out of here, K," Faith said as she lay
there.

"We will let you both go if you tell us about the kid," one of the guys said.

All tall and sober now. What kid? Wasn't this the part where the assassins
usually told Faith that they had been hired to kill her for that mistaken
prophecy? All of which was Buffy's fault for screwing that Angel vamp.

"What? You don't want me, I'm hurt," Faith laughed, but Kennedy knew she was in
pain.

"The one that that carried your sweet ass into the bar. And I'd much rather have
you, but you couldn't handle me...baby," one of the guys said.

Kennedy felt hate rise up in her. They would kick these guys asses hard.

"Where did he learn to fight like that? How can he move so fast? Do they h
hi
him take drugs? It's all gonna be all right, girls. Just tell us what you know,"
one of them said quietly.

What kid went into the bar with Faith? Spike didn't look that young. The
vampire's son. What was his story again? Kennedy had barely given him a thought.
He was just another fighter that loved Faith. Didn't they all.

"Faith, get up!" Kennedy cried.

"I can't. They zapped me with a thing that makes you paralyzed for a while.
Don't worry. It only lasts for a little while. The Council downed me with one
once. Just run!" Faith said calmly.

"Faith," Kennedy pleaded as the quiet talking guy grabbed her.

"K, do what I say! You know who will know how to find me. We have a better
chance that way!" Faith said.

A chance? Why was she even talking about chance? These guys had no chance
against them. They were only human. The Council had paralyzed her with some
weapon? How could they do that? What were they going to do to her? What were
these guys going to do now? She could tell they were trained in restraining
people by the way they grabbed. Luckily she was trained in getting away from
people restraining her. Something in Faith's voice made Kennedy listen to her.
She knew that these weren't assassins hired to kill Faith. They were something
else. Something different, for better or worse. Despite their humanness they
weren't normal, and Kennedy couldn't take them on alone. So, she ran for Faith.

"We understand. You probably had no place to go... Did your parents die here?
This is the perfect place to start a militia cult. It's small, but so many
things seemed to happen here...We'll get you out of here just tell us about your
boyfriend... Guys like this, they don't really care about you. They'll kill you
and themselves all for their twisted cause, and they always have more than one
girlfriend. Your boyfriend had another girlfriend, ya know? He had her
unconscious with a bomb strapped to her at a mall...He was going to her blow up,
all the people, children until someone stopped him, but he got away. Men like
your boyfriend are a threat to our freedom and our country," the soldier said to
Faith.

He was the oldest. Cute, if you liked the corn-fed bouncer type. Faith could see
the other two soldiers roll their eyes at his bullshit, even in the dusty lamp
light of her favorite dingy motel. They were rolling their eyes and smiling at
each other, trying to be patient with big brother's good cop bullshit. It's
funny how even Army Seals, or whatever they said they were to try to scare,
could be like a family. The motel that they dragged her into was no family
place, though.

"You paralyzed me and dragged me to this motel that I really only had shitty
times in...give or take seven minutes with a boy, and you're fucking telling me
some kid is a threat to my freedom? You think even some Okalahoma-bombing
girlfriend would fall for that? You're in over your head, Beetle Bailey!" Faith
laughed.

"Fuck it, Lyle! She's too far gone. She's one of them. Just let me at her and
she'll talk...Maybe she'll even start to like us," the "bad" Soldier said to the
"good" one as he leaned over Faith on the bed.

"Don't, Ray. Not like that," the good one said.

They used first names. They didn't call each other "Sergeant" or "Sir." They
probably had worked together a while.

"Yeah, Ray...Stop. I doubt you'll last longer than my seven minutes I
had...maybe in this very room. Did you know most rapist can't get a normal
hard-on, or have other sexual inadequacies? Still, maybe itld bld be more fun
than this one's yapping!" Faith laughed.

He slapped her and squeezed her tits and laughed. She had learned it was better
to "ask for it." It always ended quicker that way, and he still hadn't won if he
didn't know you were afraid.

He showed her his knife. He made it a point to show her.

"You can still talk to me, Faith. I can helu," u," the big bro one said. "That's
right I know your name is Faith."

Fuck! She had looked at him and shown her surprise.

"You work at Starbucks... Funny, there isn't much else about you to be found...
are you running from something? Did your boyfriend make you do something bad? I
can make it all go away. ...Just tell me your boyfriend's name...Who hid your
records? You can have a good life," he said.

"Okay," she smiled, "tell me something."

"Sure. Ray, back off. I told you Faith was our girl. She can be a hero, for her
country," the big bro said. Ray put the knife back.

"I just wanna know... Do you guys switch off with the good cop, bad cop thing...
Do you draw straws? And what about you?" she asked the one who was silent.. She
managed to turn her head even though she was mostly paralyzed.

"Are you always the strong silent one? Are you guys trying to do the superman
villain thing...with the two masterminds and the mute? Because I hate to tell
you one of them was a woman, but both of you do seem to be the lead guy's
bitch."

"You're gonna be one sorry bitch," the "Ray" one said and he cut open her shirt
and her bra. He knew she couldn't move her arms to cover herself.

"I hate to tell you, but I've had bigger knives in my day," she said.

"It's not how big it is. It's how you use it," he said.

"That's what boys with Swiss army knives always say. You never hear the ones
with the big knives say that," she laughed.

The Ray guy took the knife and grazed it over her, her face and her exposed
upper half. Well, Faith was being her usual fun-loving self. Nothing could stop
that. There was some little girl that was throwing a temper tantrum demanding
that Faith cry and beg, and stop egging them on. Maybe she lived under the
shadow demon. It didn't matter because she would never come out, not ever again.
She did no good. She had done no good the first time.

These dudes were so in over their heads that she kind of felt sorry for them,
even the one that traced her body with the knife. He was an expert, a boy after
her own heart. Tracing ever so lightly with the blade and then pushing just
enough to leave a cut. She joked that if he had half a dick it may be a turn on,
but he probably didn't since he had to use this knife. See, she had bated him.
She always seemed to be doing things like that- still. She had asked for it. She
actually thought about it being a turn-on if you played this game with someone
you trusted. The whole turn-on would be that they could hurt you and they could
cut you, but you trusted them not to. She had never got it from the bottom side
before. What a great time to have a sexual epiphany. She had closed her eyes and
thought of Robin, those huge cut black arms holding her down tracing her with a
knife so lightly. He wouldn't want to play the knife game; he wouldn't get it,
and that was what was so awesome about him. He didn't have ANY evil in him. She
missed him so much. She would die with out getting to say good-bye to him. To
any of them.

It was her was fault for being so fucking stupid. You had to keep your guard up
at all times. Of course you wouldn't go down during a patrol, but when you were
talking to your friend about her relationship problems. When you linked arms
with her like you usually do on your walks when her girlfriend wasn't there.
Talking loud like the two of you always do- about her girlfriend and her
girlfriend's dead girlfriend. When a group of young corn-fed looking boys stop
you of course you think it's just to harass you about being dykes. The boys were
so obviously human and stupid. That was how you went down by thinking thoughts
like that; by thinking you could be just an ordinary girl on her way home from a
bar with her friend. Caring more about patching things up with your man than
anything else. Thinking about how you were going to explain to your man why you
had drinks in the bar with the dude he hated while he had been looking for you.
Wondering how you somehow managed to snag all these friends-yeah that was when
you went down.

The soldier said something about her tits she didn't quite catch. She spat in
his face. What the fuck was wrong with her? The other soldiers laughed. Of
course it only made Mr. Fore-play madder. Even when she weingeing tortured she
was the real torturer. She didn't know why she was saying the things she was.
She knew she would rather die than let this guy know she was afraid, but she had
made herself deserve it.

Was that how Wes did it? She wished she could ask him. Maybe she could. Maybe
they could have tea. Faith really should have tea with him, yes. She laughed out
loud. Maybe Wesley did have a hard-on for her-still, like Spike said. Maybe she
had done something to make him have one, and that was why Wesley still couldn't
forgive her. Sometimes she could be joking and men didn't see it that way. She
had wrapped her legs around Spike the last time they drank together...had that
been just hours ago? She had only been kidding. Faith had wanted to make Spike
smile and forget about his pain...like she had been doing for Connor. It had
worked. Spike had smiled. He got it. She was like a sixth grade boy who punched
her friends when she wanted to hug them, or a slutty sixth grade girl... or
something. It wasn't right though. Why couldn't she just stop that shit? What
would Robin say if he saw her jumping on Spike, or even the kid? No wonder Robin
thought everyone wanted her. It was because of her. What a surprise. She tried
being a real girlfriend and she was bad at it, if Kennedy and Robin saw her now
they'd hate her.

Faith knew Kennedy had gotten away. She knew she would have felt it if she died,
like she had known something happened to B that time before Angel could come and
tell her. K wanted to stay and fight, but Faith demanded that she go get help. K
could run and K could fight off soldiers, but K was no longer a Slayer. She
couldn't save Faith alone. At least Faith had saved her one last time. Maybe K
was the Slayer now. Faith realized she loved K. She also realized she loved
Amanda and hoped Amanda would be the one called. Maybe it was because Faith
reminded K too much of herself.

"All right...That's it!... You don't wanna talk!" the good soldier was yelling.

The bad one had taken the knife away. They were acting like they were giving her
another chance.

"Oh, the boy scout is blowing his cover. Are you giving up all ready?" She
laughed, "Nice stamina! You haven't even done four of the five major torture
groups...and you're gonna go straight to getting off."

Faith saw his hard-on in his pants. She always could see unwanted hard-ons from
a million miles away. It was a skill you that never left you. She still had it,
even though for almost ten years 99% of the hard-ons that had made themselves
known had been wanted, and she'd easily made the 1% that weren't wanted sorry.

"This bitch has got bite!" the one that had been silent laughed,

"She's been trained to withstand interrogation, and I'll bet she won't crack."

"I'll show her stamina," the bad cop said.

He opened his pants.

"The minute you touch me you're dead. You have no idea what you're dealing with.
You're in way over your head here," Faith said fiercely.

"In over our head?" the former good cop asked smugly, "You think a couple of
kids that have some kind of designer drugs that make them fight hard will stop
me from protecting my country? We don't take magic pills to fight, pretty. We're
the real thing!" he snapped, but then his voice softened, "I can still help you,
Faith. Just tell me your boyfriend's name and we won't have to hurt you."

"If you try to do anything to him you'd be dead before you hit the ground. You
have no idea. You should get the hell out of here before it's too late," she
said.

"I hate to say it, guys, but I don't think this is an outsider getting to the
crazies we have here in the U.S. No, this is no John Walker... This is some home
job. Some cult that has declared war on us. Maybe they're connected to the
people we did in Michigan. I HATE these fucks!" the quiet one said, as the "bad
cop" one had his dick in his hand, smiling at her .

"You guys," the former silent one said, "You always have to pick the hottest
girl for your reindeer games. Now not only are we going to get no where, but I
have to sit through them. You never listen to me. I told you we wouldn't get
anywhere with her, that we should just go for the kid again, or that Billy Idol
dude might have talked."

"Jonesey, Jonesey, Jonesey," the good cop one tisked as he took off his pants
and folded them up perfectly, "This is why I'll make general and you'll still be
out here in the trenches. You are just not a big picture guy. If we just saw her
as unimportant, we'd still have bitches like her to worry about. The ones that
breed their future terrorist babies. Now, at least she won't feel like making
babies for a while. How many times do I have to tell you? The best way to weaken
a group is to go for their women. Even if we just bag the kid and we don't
figure out who is behind him we've still hurt them. We've hurt them all. I'm
sure this cow is one of their finest prizes... So, we'll do this with her,
capture the kid, kill his Billy Idol friend for good measure and they won't be
so quick to blow up malls and start shit. It will bide us time to do more
investigating."

"I'll die before you hurt them---I'll tear you a part!" Faith roared.

Connor was Angel's son. She would die before anyone took him.

Actually, it didn't matter who Connor belonged to. She had only known the kid a
few weeks, but no one was getting him. These boys might not be able to find a
clue if it was hidden up their ass, but she knew the government knew about vamps
and demons. No surprise they didn't want to be friends with them. She didn't
want to think of what would happen to Connor. What would they do to Spike when
they realized what he really was? Put another fucking chip in his head? No one
fucks with Spike. Not anymore. There was a new Slayer in town.

"You're little boyfriend you're protecting? They'll be nothing left of you for
him. You'll be nothing," the bad cop one said and he put his hands around her
throat.

"I'll rip your fucking face off!" Faith snarled.

Faith closed her eyes and waited. She felt the shadow spiral around her. *Hello,
darkness. My old friend* She would be nothing. The demon would be everything. It
was that scream that wasn't hers, but it really was the real her. The huge black
shadow that looked like a monster you saw, but it was only a shadow, right?
Wrong. It came up out of he body and rapped around the guy who had her by the
throat. Look, Ma no hands. Laughing at causing pain. Laughing at killing.
Together Faith and the shadow were an animal.

Faith was finally in Hell. She always hoped she would have enough time to make
up for what she had done. But hadn't she told Robin you could never the these
things up? Hadn't Angel been the one to tell her? She knew she was in hell
because when she woke up she could move. The demon had come out again, or rather
she has let it out. There was no use lying to herself anymore, she was already
in Hell, wasn't she? She could never move after the demon came out not with out
Spike. She could barely keep conscious after the demon was out. And now she was.
She could see the different shapes in the blackness. One of them was a person
lying there. Cold, so cold. Hell was supposed to be hot. Well, it made sense.
She always did like it hot.

Faith coughed. She saw that her tank top was cut open along with her bra.At
least she could spend eternity with her pants buttoned. She never thought she
would be so happy about that

"What the fuck man? What the fuck?" someone cried miserably. She smiled sadly.
Ah, yes hell was a bitch. She knew she had to be in hell because the voices she
heard sounded so terrified. Maybe they had just gotten here too, and weren't
expecting it.

She looked down a dead man lying there. She was too weak to roll him over, but
she knew he was dead. Dead in Hell?

"What? What the fuck just happened? Ray? Ray!" Someone was screaming over other
people's terrified cries.

A guy came over to where Faith and the dead man were. Faith was felt like she
was freezing to death, but how could that be? The guy turned over the dead man
and screamed, and turned to Faith.

"What did you do? What thck ack are you?" he demanded.

Oh, she was still alive. Ray was the solider- her would be rapist. But, she was
freezing death. Freezing to death with out Spike.

"I was no one. Nobody, just like you said," she shivered so much she could
barley talk.

B had told her a story of Hell. They made you go around saying you were nobody.
Of course, B was having none of that, but Faith could hack it. Too bad she
wasn't dead. She couldn't be somebody she had tried and she had failed. Every
time she was someone that mattered people got hurt.

"He has no face. He has no fucking face!" One of the soldiers screamed.

I'll rip your fucking face off! She had said to the guy as he went to unbutton
her pants. Couldn't people live with out faces? Wasn't that a Mel Gibson movie?
Maybe the guy was still alive. Did the demon want the guy to live? Did Faith? It
was funny all the thoughts you could have in times like these. It seems it took
hours to have them and it was only seconds.

"It was her. She did it," The one who had been playing to good cop said.

*CRASH* The door was kicked open. No, no, no... Not now. It was too late. She
was beyond saving. She was really going to die this time. She really was. Dust,
Candle, Wind- all that. There was going to another Slayer. Amanda. She had
worked so hard to save Amanda- she had killed a man. They would all see Faith
now. They would all know. How guys kept doing this to her. Angel and Wes would
be ashamed. Spike would blow her off. He would think this is what she wanted,
that she hadn't fought it enough, like he told her to.

"You finally got what you wanted." He had said that to her before, when she had
taken charge when B got tossed out. Now he would think it about this. He was the
one that knew it had happened before, and demanded that she fight it off. She
didn't want it. She had never wanted to be in charge. Even when she was the bad
Slayer, she had Wilkins. She thought he was the man. He gave her a play station
and moon-pies and never asked for any touch in return. She had just wanted
stuff. The want take have wasn't about power it was about stuff. A cool knife,
an apartment, toys, a good fuck, a snake-boss-Dad, something to love, whatever.
The only power she wanted was the power to keep them all off her ass. She had
managed to do that for ten years now, and it must have meant a lot to her
because she just killed for it. Then why did this happen? Why had she let her
guard down with these guys?

"Hold it right there, Unit seven! Don't move!" he said. Oh God! Faith actually
laughed. She WAS in Hell.

"B's college boy," she coughed when she tried to laugh, "You told them how to
get to me."

"I wouldn't advise that. I could kill you both before you got to your guns, and
in your case you pants," he said sternly.

Her pants? But her pants had stayed on. She had just summoned the demon for
that. Oh, one of the guys had his pants off.

"What? Did they get too rough? You only wanted them to scare me? If you wanted
revenge on me couldn't you just tried to kill me? That's what everyone else
does," she wheezed. He didn't answer her. Maybe she was really dead - watching
this.

"Who are you?" one of the guys demanded of him. They weren't war buddies?

"I'm Special Agent Finn, CIA. I came here to check on your progress with
catching the LA Terrorist when we got word that it was code X. I never expected
to find this! What is this...shit? Don't move!" he said.

They weren't war buddies, but they did all look the same-like vampires. But,
they weren't vamps, they were people and she killed one. She could tell it was
really hard for B's ex to say, "shit." Like he only used it when he was really
pissed. He said, "don't move" well enough as the tried to step away from Faith.

"God Damn fucking CIA always in our," the guy paused as he saw B's college boy
go down like a ton of bric...b...business,"

"Man, that was fun!" Angel smiled. Then all expression seemed to drain from his
face.

"Faith," he said quietly.

This was the most humiliating thing he could have ever seen. She'd rather have
him bite her a thousand times. She'd rather try to kill him and end up crying in
the street. Those things had been easy in comparison. She wamostmost relieved
when B's college boy got up and started to fight with Angel. Angel was pissed
and in pure game face. Faith was fading. She really hoped Angel wouldn't feel
bad for not being able to save her. She was already dead. Just had to lose that
one last bit of dignity before she went.

"I think there are more issues going on here than some teenage terrorist. I
don't think we've been fully briefed on this mission," one of the soldiers
whispered to the o. Sh. She forgot who was who.

"Well, allow me to brief you now. You're going to die for what you did to my
girlfriend."

Faith opened her eyes and saw Robin with a gun. What was he doing here? He
wasn't supposed to be with Angel. This really was Hell.

"We didn't do anything to her. Just relax. We were just questioning her about
the terrorist. You're girlfriend isn't what she seems. She's involved with
one one else. We have pictures of them together. Someone who's a threat to our
way of life. We have to take necessary steps in order to protect our way of
life," good cop said calmly.

Very smart. Make it seem like Faith was cheating on him with Connor. Get Robin
to drop the gun. They had done this before.

"I couldn't agree more. God Bless America," Robin said. He cocked the gun at the
one who had his pants off.

"No! Robin don't! They aren't assassins. They're some military guys that are
looking for some kid," she said. She couldn't die and let Robin be a killer.

"You mean they're looking for me. Well, here I am. Nice of you to dress-up for
me."

Connor came out of nowhere and nailed one that was running towards Robin in the
nuts.

"Get out of here! They're human. Human and government, I think. We can't kill
them," Faith yelled to Connor or wheezed really. He was beating the shit out of
the guy as Angel had tried with B's college boy. Father-son tag team. But,
someone stopped Angel from beating on Joe college and Faith knew who it was. She
didn't want to face him. She couldn't.

"I know who they are," Robin answered, even though she had been talking to
Connor.

She realized Robin still had that cocked gun on the other guy.

"Robin, don't you're not a killer! They didn't get to do anything." Faith
pleaded.

"You don't have to lie to protect me, Faith. I can tell what happened by the way
you look," he said. Right.

She looked like she was dying because she was dying. He thought she was lying.
He didn't realize how much demon there was in her to kill a man before he even
did anything. The dude was a pile of soot on the floor now. It had ripped his
face off first, like she had wanted.

"I look like this because of what I did!" Faith told him.

"Oh Fuck!" Robin yelled in realization, "Spike! Spike! Where the fuck are you?"

Spike was the one that saved the B's college man, of course. He was involved in
some kind of debate with Connor, Angel, B's college boy, and the quiet soldier.
Faith had known he was here the minute the door cracked even though the first
one she saw was Angel. He would be so disappointed in how she had handled this.
But, she had bigger problem now.

"Please, Robin!" she said again, "You're not a killer." Robin had been yelling
for Spike. He had thrown his jacket over her cut open shirt, but he only looked
at the bad cop soldier with the gun on him the whole time. Faith could feel
herself passing out. She fought to stay awake.

"Get out of my way Spike," Robin said as Spike now stood looking at Faith
wordlessly between Robin and the guy.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't want this. I can't harness my anger. I can't fight
anymore... You're right the demon is me, and I can't control it. I'm really
sorry," Faith said as Spike looked at her. She couldn't read his expression. He
looked like someone was nailing him in the nuts, and he was begging them to stop
without making a sound but, he was also angry, really angry.

"What are you doing? Just get to Faith. Get the fuck out of my way Spike, or
I'll shoot right the fuck through you," Robin said. Robin just looked angry.

Faith tried to object again, but found she was too weak.

"Faith is right, Robin," the soldier said in his relaxed Psych 101 trained
voice, "You're not a killer."

"Well, there must be a first time for everything," Robin sang in his sarcastic
pissed off voice...like he was responding to a student who said they never had
detention before.

"Please," Faith begged, knowing that it was too late by his voice. She had
infected him.

"But, there can be an eleven hundred and first," Spike said. Faith heard that
familiar crunch of a neck breaking, and the guy that Robin had the gun on fell.
Spike broke his neck.

"It's over now," Spike sighed and seemed to smile at Faith for a second.

Spike touched Faith with shaky hands. The next thing she knew was Spike was
talking to her, but he wasn't really. Nothing seemed to be happening really. She
saw, but wasn't really seeing anything. She heard, but really heard nothing. She
felt really warm. There were voices arguing and one of them was hers.

*Stop. You weren't supposed to come in time. I was ready to go down!* She heard
her voice say.

*Don't feel bad. Love. Why does a man do what he mustn't, if only for her? It's
for you this time. The one who wasn't afraid to let the demon in...It's better
to burn out than to fade away, and I always like to do things worth doing more
than once... he said*.

"Stop it!" she screamed and she had pushed Spike away into the Motel wall. She
was on the bed and everyone was looking over her "Wizard of Oz" style.

"You have no right! No right!" she yelled at him.

"Oh, thank God!" Kennedy cried, "I was afraid he didn't get there in time."

"Fi, don't break the connection. It's not good to break the connection...or
throw me into walls. How did you do that? You're usually too weak to---" Spike
began.

"Don't touch me! Don't you fucking come near me; I swear to God!" she said
through gritted teeth.

"Faith-" he began.

"What the fuck did you do to her? You did something to her with that shit. I
KNEW it was no good. What did he do, baby?" Robin asked.

"You have no right to burn for me! Don't EVER touch me again with your ashes in
your head!" Faith yelled at Spike.

"She's not making any sense...It's like when she took that drug. This is all my
fault. I never should have come here," Connor said sadly.

"You're right this IS your fault!" Robin said.

"No, not his fault. He holds my hand when I sleep to save his Dad," Faith tried
to explain to Robin, though she didn't really understand what she was
explaining.

"She's obviously shock from what's happened. I'm getting her out of here," Robin
said.

_____________________________________________________________________

"Guess what?" Kennedy just busted in. Bringing Faith back to the now of today.
The girl didn't understand there really was no today. There was what happened
before, and what happened after. This was after. Nothing usually happened after
unless you count the thing happening again. But, it-men touching her against her
will like that-- couldn't happen again, could it? That was what Faith thought
until yesterday. She had been wrong-almost. Almost did count sometimes.

"Harris talked to that army guy and he never had any intention of taking you
back to jail. He was just here to help those soldier fucks get the kid, because
the government realized that there was some mojo going on with him!" K smiled.

"So, now the government has Blade because he came to save me. It wasn't worth
it. We'll need to go get him. Where is my phone?"

Faith realized she would have to pull herself together. She stood up. It made
her dizzy. She'd have to get used to it.

"No, No... He isn't taking the kid either. Harris convinced him that Buffy
wouldn't want that. Thank God all these guys are suckers for bitchy blondes! The
biggest battle was over Spike," Kennedy said.

"So, there really ARE good cops," Faith said hoarsely "Wait...Spike?"

"Yeah, since Spike killed that fucking slime that was going to rape you, Mr.
Secret Agent man was afraid he was dangerous now that Buffy decided to de-chip
him or whatever," K chirped like this was all in a day's work.

Faith hated the way she said B's name as if B had no right to exist here
anymore. If it wasn't for B the way out of this would have been much harder.

"Can you imagine?" Kennedy was still talking, "Spike snaps a rapist in half and
this guy is worried about Spike. Another person my Willow is tight with and I'll
never get it. Xander explained we need Spike to keep you around. So, Agent
Pin-Head said he'd have to keep monitoring him...I heard that the yuppie vamp
was like 'fuck you' when he said that and then they almost fought but Xander
stopped it. Doesn't yuppie vamp hate Spike?...Whatever, the guy is gone for now.
Xander is a total gem with his ability to deal with outta control people."

"What about me? What about me killing that guy with my demon? Doesn't the
government care about that?" Faith demanded.

"Oh, I don't even think Xander and the dude talked about it."

"What do you mean? I killed someone."

"Yeah and the government is so against that. Don't worry no one can prove you
had anything to do with it. It's just like the guy dying from a demon attack or
being MIA, since there's no body," K assured her.

"That's not the point! I'm out of control. I'm hurting Robin, I'm hurting you
and I'm hurting Spike...and one person Xander can't deal with when they are
outta control is me, ask him what happened last time," Faith snapped.

"The only person that got hurt is you, and it's okay to be upset about it. Well,
okay...so those two guys died, but they got what they deserved. Some monsters
are human, Faith, and we kill monsters. Spike knows that that's why he did what
he did, and if he didn't do it Wood would have done it, and if Wood wouldn't
have done it I would have done it, or that half-vamp kid, Connor. I only wish
Spike hadn't done it so quickly we all could have lined up and had a piece,"
Kennedy said sternly.

"Shut-up! I don't want to here that kind of talk from you! You think you're so
big and bad because you always knew what you were, that you were a Potential.
What you don't realize is that you're a spoiled brat that never had anything bad
happen to her! You never killed a person. It's not like killing vamps or people
on your X-box!" Faith yelled in Kennedy's face.

"You don't have to remind me of what I really am. I'll be the first to admit I'm
a brat, but I'm telling you I have what it takes to see you through this," she
said. Her face was stern and unflinching. Her feelings weren't hurt. This was
the part where she was supposed to drop Fait for her own good.

"To see me through what- my third murder? To think it's no big. Well, it is! I'm
not going to sit here and see you turn like this because of me...God, I just
bring out the worst in everyone! I should get out of here. That's what I planned
to do in the first place. I just got caught up," Faith said with a little laugh.


"Don't be an idiot! You have assassins after you! You could be killed... and
besides, there is no way you can leave because if that demon comes out you need
Spike to heal you," Kennedy scoffed.

"It doesn't matter. I'm through sucking to life out of people," Faith said, "Do
yourself a favor and get out of my face. If you're going to be around keep
everyone else away from me too, or they'll have the fun trip you just had."

"Here... I brought you 'Tomb Raider', and I'll come back in a few hours witsomesome pizza. I told your job you had strep throat. That gives you two weeks," K
said with her back to her as she went out the door. Faith knew it would only
make things worse if she yelled out that she didn't need two weeks. She was
leaving.

Faith stuck the tape in the VCR K had given her. It would be very easy to leave,
practically all of these things were K's. For now it was actually relaxing to
watch Angelina Jolie pretend to beat up people. Had she killed the soldiers that
broke into her house or just wounded them? The movie wasn't clear on that. Lara
Croft did like to meditate and slept with knives. Spike would say Faith "fancied
herself the real life Lara Croft." Sort of pathetic. It was relaxing to watch
her meditate. Angelina Jolie WAS a good actor. Faith had been trying to act like
a real Zen warrior too. Preparing for the future but living in the now.
Acceptance. Again she had failed. She had killed again- brutally.

She had made Spike kill again. She had to thank Spike if he hadn't done it Robin
would have blood on his hands. Was that why he did it? She had yelled at him?
Who stopped Connor from killing the third guy? Yesterday's trivial times where
so sharp, but the events after were fuzzy. Just like before she was a Slayer and
that thing would happen- right afterward was a blank spot and all of a sudden
you were in school being called on. Spike must have healed Faith. He had saved
Robin from becoming a killer. That could NOT happen. Robin was her rock, her
tether in the ground as she spun out of control. He had challenged her to trust-
to take that leap of faith (ha ha), and she had accepted the challenge. He was
her only sign of improvement, of normalcy, that she was something more than a
tool to fight evil, that she wasn't evil herself. She swallowed, her throat
tight as Lara Croft was just zipping along on her top of the line bike. It was
becoming all to real- the magnitude of what had happened because of Faith
getting caught by human beings. Because of Faith Robin had almost....

______________________________________________________________________

"Was there yelling?... I heard yelling," Willow's broad mouth made an "O". Her
mock bright green football t-shirt hung off her shoulders as if she had some
huge boyfriend that played football. As if.

"It's cooaby.aby. No worries," Kennedy said as she shut Faith's door.

"What are you doing?" Willow now asked Spike. He was sitting against the wall
with his knees drawn up. He looked younger today, stripped of something. Faith
looked like that too scrubbed raw or something.

"Don't want to bother her. If I stay out here I can hear her breath, hear her
heart and such," Spike said this casually, but his eyes focused on nothing.

"Ug! I'm having creepy stalkie Spike flashbacks from Buffy days," Willow said
softly as she wrinkled up her little pointy face.

Kennedy smiled. That was the first time she had said "Buffy Days." That was what
Kennedy called the time when that Buffy Summers was here and had everyone
dancing her way.

"Well, quit having' em! Because this is different. I'm not done healin' the
Firecracker is all, and this way I can make sure she is okay, with out being all
up in her face," Spike grumbled. Kennedy liked how he called Faith "the
Firecracker."

"Ease up, Spike," Kennedy said to him.

Kennedy knew that Spike and Willow tolerated each other. The way you tolerate an
ugly turtle lamp your roommate loves or two ex-spouses that had to meet for the
sake of the kids.... No, they were more like Stepsisters; they both had one
person in common that forced them to live with each other. Stepsisters would
save each other's lives, but only because they had to- it was family.

"Do you think Faith is still in danger?" Willow asked.

"Not sure, have a bad feeling," Spike answered.

"What do you mean you have a bad feeling? Isn't she all right?" Kennedy
demanded.

"No, she's not all right. She was almost.... hurt...yesterday and when I heal
her I can feel how she feels... She's not singing happy folk songs. She is so so
sad. She wants to run," Spike said, annoyed.

Maybe this is what her sweet Willow had a hard time with. She never spoke
roughly to anyone, unless she was livid. Maybe she thought other people were the
same. Kennedy knew this was just how Spike talked.

"Well, I knew all that. That's all you meant when you said you had a bad
feeling, right? Like she's not going to die or anything... and you won't let her
run, because she needs you to heal her, right?" Kennedy asked.

"Right," Spike nodded, not looking at her.

"We can always do a locator spell if she runs," Willow said.

Kennedy's Redhead, always thinking. Kennedy was so used to Spike just doing what
had to be done regarding Faith's demon that she never worried about it anymore.
When he knocked on the door in his blanket and told Kennedy he was here to
"check up on Faith's bad boy" she had let him right in. She told him Faith
didn't want to see anyone, but she hadn't meant him. However, when she told him
he said he would just "keep his ear to the wall." She hadn't thought to ask
questions or doubt him, which was very un-Kennedy. But Kennedy could always
recognize a good guy when she saw one; they did exist. Kennedy knew that Spike
and she were the only ones that would die for Faith without question. Well,
Amanda might, but she was just a kid. Everyone else was tainted with some
Buffy-glamour on them, when it came to Faith. She knew her sweet Red had the t oft of this glamour on her. It wasn't that Red wasn't the best person around.
She was the best. Willow could never fully forgive Faith for having the balls to
mess with Buffy. It was because Red was such a loyal friend even to someone who
was gone... for almost two years...and was a total bitch. But Kennedy should be
thankful Red loved total bitches, even though Kennedy would never be the type of
bitch that Buffy had been.

Kennedy followed Red up the short staircase into Kennedy's attic room. Willow's
ass was like two tiny sweet round green apples pushed together in that skirt.
Apples she wanted to feel firmly in her hand. Willow turned on "The Sundaes" on
the stereo. She began checking on the crystals she placed on Kennedy's bureau.
Kennedy wasn't really crazy about the crystals. They gave her room a kind hippy
dippy feel, but "The Sundaes" were okay. Willow said the crystals were extra
protection from demon violence. She did her sweet true fairy tale chanting over
them to freshen the crystals up or whatever.

Kennedy listened to her girlfriend's chanting as she laid on her brass bed. It
was relaxing even though she couldn't understand it at all. She didn't remember
a lick of Latin from boarding school. She turned off the lights and slipped out
if her jeans, letting the candles glow. They were hippy dippy too, but sexy.
Kennedy closed her eyes. Then she felt the mattress sinking around her.

"Hello, Lady," Willow said with her sweet smile as she kneeled over Kennedy.

Kennedy rose up to meet her girl's pert open mouth, and kissed her lips firm and
tight.

"Are you done with the crystals?" she asked Willow.

"I'm done with the crystals," her girl answered with vigor as she played with
Kennedy's hair.

"So, why do you have to keep chanting it up Enya style with those things?"
Kennedy asked as she pulled off her green ribbed sleeveless T.

"They are like light bulbs you have to change, or batteries you have to
recharge... Is this Faith's shirt?" Willow asked.

Kennedy kissed her, throwing the T-shirt aside.

"If you lived here you could make sure they were on all the time," Kennedy said.


"I DO make sure they're on...They're on all the time," she smirked.

Willow kissed Kennedy's neck and settled down on her cleavage. Kennedy was
stroking Red's hair that looked flaming in this light. The color of the kind of
fall leaf that they didn't have here. The best red crayon. Kennedy closed her
eyes.

"I didn't realize how tired I was until I laid myself down," she said opening
her eyes and kissing Willow again.

"Well, you've been through hell, Sweetie," her Red said softly now, her delicate
hand on her forehead.

"I've been through nothing," Kennedy chuckled sadly as she rolled on her side to
look at her girlfriend.

"It's Fi...Faith who's been through everything, and she's right. I don't get
it," Kennedy continued.

"Ah, the ol' side-kick routine... I don't get to have any feelings because all
the really bad stuff happens to my friend the Slayer... the front-kick," Willow
exclaimed.

"I'm not a side-kick! Faith never would make me feel like a sidekick! Is that
what Buffy did to you?" Kennedy demanded.

"Buffy would never do that," Willow said very unconvincingly, "it's like kind of
something you do to yourself. I think you're doing it now. It must have bothered
you- the stuff you saw last night... Xander said that Riley told him that
Faith's demon tore off that guys face off and that Spike snapped the other guy's
neck and Angel's son beat the third guy senseless."

"Oh Red...none of that made me flinch," Kennedy sighed.

Willow's eyes searched her face. They were so soulful.

"But something did," Willow said.

"Faith told me to run and I ran...like a coward. I've fought vampires, bringers,
and various other nasty-ass things. I knew those guys were human and I knew what
they were going to try to do to her. I knew I could see it in their eyes, even
though I never-" she cut herself off because she didn't like the sound of her
own voice filling with emotion.

"You weren't a coward, baby! You saved Faith, if you'd stayed you would have
just both been hurt," Willow said with a knitted brow.

"Not hurt, Red. They were going to rape her. I don't want to be like Spike and
not even be able to say it. But at least Spike had the balls to do the right
thing and kill one of them," Kennedy said.

"That wasn't the right thing! I don't know why Spike did it," Willow said
sternly as she gently had her hands on the sides of Kennedy's face.

"Because he loves Faith. She didn't want us to do it, but me and Spike and Wood,
we were all ready to do it. Spike just got there first. I'd do it for you. You
know you'd do it for me," Kennedy said.

"No, I wouldn't... and I wouldn't want you to do it for me either, and if you
all love Faith so much you would have listened to her!" Willow snapped.

Kennedy looked into the fierceness of her lover's eyes and turned away from her.


"You don't know, baby, but it's not something I'd want you to go through,"
Willow said gently now.

"But I do know, Willow... I know that there is nothing I wouldn't go through for
you," Kennedy insisted.

"But killing wouldn't do anything for me. It would just make another person
suffer," Willow said.

"Someone who deserves suffering... That guy you killed for Tara you can't tell
me he didn't deserve to die. What good would it have done to keep him alive?"
Kennedy demanded, turning back to Willow.

"That wasn't for me to decide, and I did a lot of damage. Once I started with
killing him, it was like there was no turning back... If I killed him, I might
as well destroy the world for Tara. You see?" Willow's mouth was pouty.

Kennedy did see. She saw that there were no depths where she wasn't willing to
go for Willow. But the Redhead had a clear line where she stopped for Kennedy,
even though Kennedy had been the one to keep her from swimming out to sea. It
wasn't fair. Why did the girls that were no longer here get the kind of love
from Will she didn't? Willow was going to destroy the world for Tara because she
was no longer in it, because id dod done her wrong. The redhead didn't have that
kind of love to give anymore.

"I don't see myself just leaving some guy to some cushy military jail if he
tried to rape you... I'm sorry, or I'm not...not really," Kennedy said.

"I'm not saying I wouldn't get in a few shots, or in my case a few levitations
into brick walls, but murder? Sure, I would want to do it, and sometimes I want
to put that yak cheese back in my bra...don't ask, but I could never actually go
through with it-not anymore-- and I know you wouldn't either. You're not that
kind of person," Willow said rubbing Kennedy's arm.

"The only reason I didn't go through with it was because Spike did, and you are
a hundred times more powerful than him... with me behind you," Kennedy said
looking down at her lover's hand.

"If you are going to be my anchor, Kennedy, I need more anchorage. We don't kill
things with souls no matter what they do. I really thought you would know that.
The bad is bad and the good is good... and sometimes the good does bad, but we
can't destroy the bad in the good and still be good because that would be bad,"
Willow said.

"So, you think I'm bad for wanting to do what Spike did. So Spike is bad! I
think it took balls to do what he did... Wood and me-- we hesitated. Spike
didn't... Maybe if I didn't hesitate so much this wouldn't have happened to
Faith," she said.

"You can't save Faith from everything. She's going to go through some hard
times. She's the Slayer, and if you think you can save her from everything
you'll be the one that needs saving, baby... Believe me, okay?" Willow said
softly now.

Kennedy nodded feeling the holes inside of her that ached with need fill up with
desire as Willow ran her hands over her chest. "Am I still your anchor? Or am I
thrown overboard?" Kennedy asked with her eyes closed.

"I'd never throw you overboard," Willow said in her ear as she lay on top of her
now. She was light and long matching the length of Kennedy's body, but not the
girth.

"Actually, I would throw you overboard that's how you use an anchor... Come to
think of it, how do you get rid of an anchor? You can't. I'm stuck with you
forever, Lady," Willow laughed pecking Kennedy loudly on the lips.

"You can get rid of an anchor. You just have to cut it off," Kennedy murmured to
her lover as she was kissing her breast.

Willow looked up at Kennedy. Her hands were resting so lightly on

Kennedy's collarboneke vke velvet gloves against a plate of amour.

"I could never cut you off," Willow smirked, "I'd only be hurting myself."

That's when she heard it. Footsteps. They were big and heavy. She was taught at
an early age to judge how big a person was from their footsteps and to recognize
the footsteps she knew.

"Stay here," she whispered to Willow, "There is someone in the house."

She did pause long enough to grab her robe. When it came down to it she wasn't
as bold as Faith. She wouldn't want to fight someone naked. But now Faith was
too weak to fight. Kennedy had to protect Faith and Willow. She would do it, or
she would die trying. She grabbed a crossbow just to be on the safe side. It was
surprising how flying sharp wood killed so many things. Yes, a vamp had to be
invited into the house and there were all these protection spells, but you never
knew what these fuckers could do. Spike had stories about how he got around shit
all the time when he was a vamp, or an evil vamp. It was hard to think of Spike
as a vampire. They were all such idiots. There had been the smart ones Kennedy
had studied about with the Council. Smart ones like Dracula who had servants and
stuff. There was that creepy Victorian "Fanged-Four" family. They had all been
smart. Some kind of freak occurrence. She had forgotten their names.

She looked in her bathroom and saw a huge guy at her sink with no reflection in
the bathroom mirror. this vamp wasn't to smart. What vamp would pause to wash
their hands before they started feeding? Kennedy shot the crossbow. The vamp
turned around and grabbed the stake and went after her with it. Okay, dumb, but
hella fast. Suddenly, he froze.

"Get the fuck off my girlfriend!" Willow said in a low grumble.

"Willow?" the vamp grunted and went out of vampire face, but the rest of his
body stayed the same. His arm raised with the stake in it.

"Angel?" Willow said, "Oh, God, I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you with the
Grrrr. You all kind of look the same. You remember Kennedy... I guess she didn't
recognize you either,"

"Yeah, couldn't see you in the mirror and things are kind of tense around
here...with the assassins the the attempted rape and all. You shouldn't have
invited yourself in. I guess you can, since you are a CEO with black magic at
your fingertips," Kennedy said to Angel as she was trapped between his still
body and the bathroom wall.

"Let me guess, Spike told you that," he smiled very weakly, "I didn't invite
myself in-Faith did. I can't evena CEa CEO, I'm still a vampire... I probably
could hire guys to break in with these little cameras with a picture so good;
it's really like your there, but, um... Willow, could you unfreeze me?" he said
all this with the stake raised above Kennedy.

"Oh, yeah!" Willow gasped, "Sorry, sorry."

And the guy suddenly backed away from Kennedy.

"Angel, what are you doing?" Faith appeared from her room looking as pale as a
vampire. "I need your help with this. Spike is no good. He's wigging out. I need
a more cool headed person." Faith almost sounded like she was whining.

The way Kennedy would wine to her Dad. She never heard Faith sound like that
before, but that wasn't what bothered Kennedy. What bothered her was that Faith
also sounded really tired... still.

"I am a cool-headed person! By definition, I am the cool-headed person around
you know Peaches has to be attracting some kind of heat with that huge brow of
his! I think that this plan stinks like a school girl's skivvies, and using
sodding magic to solve this is as tacky as the whole naughty school girl trip
you're on!" Spike could be heard yelling through Faith's door.

"Gah! And what the hell are you talking about? I'm not any naughty schoolgirl
trip. Leave you fantasies out of this," Faith grumbled, but Kennedy could see
her smile a bit.

"It's not my fantasy... well not at the moment. But it sure as hell is
yours...'Oh, I've been so, so bad. I should be punished.' The Headmaster should
come and take my Slayer powers away.'" Spike said.

"Shut-up!" Faith muttered and disappeared behind her open door. There was a
crash.

"Ow!" Spike grumbled, "What have I said about throwing kitchenware at me?"

"Maybe they want to be alone," Willow said lightly.

"No, Red!" Spike called, "come and talk some sense into her about the dangers of
magic, and over-protective boyfriends...I guess you wouldn't know about that
half, but someone say something, please!"

"What's going on?" Kennedy demanded as she went into the room. Spike was over by
Faith's window smoking and pacing.

"Robin just called and told me that there is a way to get the demon out. He said
that he found someone that is powerful enough to take it out of me using
magic..." Faith said.

"Bloody magic! I really thought Wood had more sense," Spike grumbled.

"I also talked to Wes about it and he's still really worried that the demon
gonna end up killing me, and he thinks this may be our best shot to get rid of
it," Faith continued.

"No, I know that sod has no sense. He's all books, theory, so he doesn't have to
deal with reality," Spike said.

"The reality is the demon killed another human being and I-I made Robin get all
crazy and he almost killed that guy... and then you killed that guy. God, I just
wthisthis demon out!" Faith gritted her teeth and looked up at nothing.

"You know it wasn't the demon that caused me or your man to do anything," Spike
said in a much softer but more serious tone.

"Maybe if the shadow demon wasn't in me...If I knew it wasn't there to back me
up I wouldn't have been so stupid and things would have been different," Faith
said.

"The only thing that would have been different is that you would have gotten
raped and we would have killed guy.guy. The demon saved you!" Kennedy said.

Spike, who had been pacing, looked at Kennedy like she had just scratched a
blackboard. This guy had killed people, but he couldn't hear the word "rape."

"Well, it ended wit kil killing and dragging everyone down. So, I think I should
get rid of the demon," Faith said.

"If that's really what you want, Chica. Maybe we can have Willow help with the
spell," Kennedy said.

Willow didn't look too happy with that suggestion. She pursed her lips and
looked at the floor. Kennedy grabbed her hand. Didn't Red realize that she could
do anything as long as Kennedy was there?

"Wait...Wait, Special K... There's a surprise ending. Tell your chum the
surprise ending, Faith... I'm sure she'll love it as much as I do," Spike was
back to his nagging tone that made Faith roll her eyes.

"If Robin's friend takes out the demon he has to take it all, that means I
wouldn't have any Slaying powers anymore," Faith said as she looked directly at
Kennedy.

"That can't be what you want, Faith." Kennedy said.

"It doesn't matter what I want. It doesn't matter what anyone here wants. The
demon in me is bigger than all of us... I killed a man...again! Everyone is so
caught up in my lousy life and slayage no one cares that what I did was
wrong...that I can't trust myself... That's it. I've decided. It doesn't matter
what I want. It matters what's right. I'll take out the demon... Then I can put
an end to this shit once and for all... I can have peace and just watch people
off each other in the movies."

"You don't know what you're doing!" Spike yelled now.

"No, I don't. I never did. I was always a reckless Slayer, right Angel?" Faith
asked the silent vampire.

Why hadn't he said anything? It was obvious Faith valued his opinion

"Well, that really isn't---" he began

"You're a chosen hero," Spike insisted.

Okay, maybe the Angel vampire had been trying to say something and couldn't.

"I'm a fucking fraud. What have I done that's so great?" Faith demanded.

"You saved the world!" Kennedy demanded.

"B and Spike and you all saved the world. I just made B mad and took in this
stupid shadow demon which is killing men now...I'm killing men," Faith said.

"Shitty men," Kennedy stated.

"There are always casualties in war, Faith... That's just how the game is
played," Spike said.

"Well, maybe I'm not fit to play. I'm a murderer...I've made too many mistakes,"
Faith said.

"But, you're redeemed now... Like I am, and Red, and Angel-sometimes,"

"Gee, thanks. I 've saved the world way more than once, you know?" The Angel guy
rolled his eyes.

"Well, so have I! And I never tried to destroy it. And shut up. This isn't about
you.... Or me," Spike said.

"I don't think that I'm built like you... I don't think that I'm innately good.
That soldier guy, I wanted him dead... You say I should accept my darkness, but
I don't think you know what real darkness is," Faith said to Spike, or it seemed
like she was saying it to just Spike.

"You are so adorable sometimes, you know? You have no idea what real evil is,"
Spike smiled.

"You don't... you were like not even close... If evil was a sucking chest wound
you'd have been a hangnail... Hangnails are really annoying and they can feel
like the worst pain around...so bad you just want to cut your finger off. God, I
hate them, but um, they are really nothing compared to the sucking chest wound,"
Willow said shakily.

You don't know... You all had these things inside you that made you do these
horrible things that I may have never crossed off my to-do list, but I have this
thing inside me and I'm making it kill people, not the other way around," Faith
said.

Kennedy found she didn't know what to say. She had no idea that this was how
Faith felt-evil. She knew Faith was wrong, but Kennedy had never thought she was
anything but good. Kennedy was a potential Slayer and Faith was a Slayer, of
course they were good!

"Um...no, no...It was pretty much me that did the flaying. Me really hopped up
on a lot magic, but still me at the wheel with the torturing and the flaying...
Thanks for the credit though...or non-credit, I guess," Willow said.

"No, Red... You couldn't have tortured as well as I did. I made sure I was an
expert with the five groups and all," Faith said.

"The only person you're torturing now is yourself," the Angel guy said.

He was right.

"And there are seven groups," Spike said

"Nine," the Angel guy said.

"Oh, yeah...I always forgot those last two... I should have used a mnemonic
device or something," Spike said.

"Umm, was flaying in the groups, because Warren was alive when I flayed him?"
Willow said.

"That could go under bloodletting...but I don't think it's really considered
tortureauseause they die too soon," the Angel guy said.

"Ah. Well... good?" Willow said sheepishly.

"The point is, Faith...we can't ever take away the things we've done...and we
still make mistakes, but we work hard everyday to do good... You can do that as
a Slayer or as just a regular person... It's up to you," the Angel guy said.

Kennedy supposed that was true.

"But, if you go this regular person route there will be a price for the magic
you use... just look at the bollixed-up lives of Peaches and Red as examples,"
Spike said.

Kennedy supposed that was truer. She had seen how magic could go bad.

"Hey! My life is good. I have a good life... There was the whole getting
addicted with bringing Buffy back but-- " Willow stammered.

Of course Willow's life was good. Spike wasn't saying that.

"And then she had to jump dimensions anyway, or the First would be able to
rise..." Spike reminded.

Yes, Buffy jumping had torn Willow apart. It was sad. They wouldn't see each
other ever again. But it wasn't like she died. They knew she was in a good
world. Kennedy wasn't sorry see Buffy go exactly. The woman could suck the fun
out of a room just by entering it.

"But I don't regret that by doing that spell we got Buffy back for two years,
and she saved the world... again." Willow said.

"I'm the last person that would ever regret you doing that spell, Red. It was
the best time in my ...a...and the worst. But it saved my sodding ass, it
did...Buffy did, because she came back thanks to you."

Spike put his hand on Willow's shoulder. Kennedy realized she had never seen
them touch before.

"But these bloody spells...y ney never work out the way you want them too,"
Spike sighed.

"I really have to find Connor... You sure you haven't seen him?" the Angel guy
said and looked out the window.

"Take it from father-knows-worst here," Spike rolled his eyes.

"I'm not sorry I did the spell for Connor," the Angel vamp said defensively,
"Even though it didn't work out the way I wanted it to. You don't know where he
is, do you?" he ended softly, turning away from them.

"Oh, who bloody asked you? You're an idiot!" Spike grumbled, "And no I don't
know where he is. You're the one with all the spies on him. I'm surprised you
don't have a lo-jack for the boy!"

"We can look for him. Red can do that locator spell thing," Faith said.

"No, no," Angel said, "You have enough of your own things to worry about. If he
wants to lay low for a while, I can understand. It's up to him."

"Finally catching on. Peach... How people have to make r owr own decisions,"
Spike said.

"Yeah," the vamp sighed, "I'm learning so much from you and how you are really
laying off Faith with this demon removal thing,"

"This is different! Faith doesn't know how much bloody potential she has!" Spike
insisted.

"Well, Connor didn't either and that's why I--- Why am I talking to you?" the
Angel vamp demanded, "Look, Faith you have to have faith...in yourself, no
matter what you decide to do, whether you decide to stay theyer yer or not."

"You always say I have so much potential. Why? The whole reason Red had to bring
back B was because I was too dangerous to take over being the Slayer. If B
really thought I had potential she wouldn't have made you promise to stick to me
like glue to make sure I didn't lose it. Potentials are supposed to be the ones
with potential, English. Slayers are supposed to have reached it. Maybe I'm just
a washed up Slayer that really missed her chance." Faith said.

"Look-" Spike began.

"Oh screw Buffy!" Kennedy said "I'm so sick of hearing about Buffy. Look, I know
you guys all loved her, but she was a Slayer-not a goddess. She wasn't perfect.
Just like we're not, Faith. I'm a total brat, but I'm still good enough to be a
potential. So, you're not perfect. But you're the Slayer now Faith, not Buffy.
It only matters what you think of yourself."

Kennedy expected Spike to start to lay into her about ltinlting Buffy, but there
was silence until Faith spoke.

"That's the thing. I don't know what I think of myself. Maybe I'm just a piece
of shit that will keep offing people no matter how hard I try."

"Faith... I've been watching you work for two years," Spike said.

"Yeah, and what have we done in that time? Not so much with the closed
Hellmouth. I thought I'd get to save the world at least twice by now," Faith
said.

"That doesn't matter. I've worked with you. I fought by your side. I know you...
You think I'm so good. Whatever you think of me you're a hundred times better,"
Spike said.

"That's not what you said when we first met...Actually, when we first met-"

"I don't give a toss aboutthinthing I said before I really knew you. Your mouth
isn't the only shit-spewer, you know?... I've never seen anyone try so hard to
make themselves the best person they can be when they already are one of the
best. I've never seen anybody be so kind to people and do it in a way that was
so unassuming that no one would ever think that they were in your debt, but they
are... I really know you, and you're not good...you're the best," Spike said.

He had Faith by the shoulders and a lit cigarette dangled from his mouth. There
was silence. Willow swallowed uncomfortably. Kennedy knew Spike made her a
little nervous. She often called him "Mr. Grabby-Hands." She didn't understand
all of his moodiness and shoulder grabbing for what it was. Willow should have
had a Greek father, and then she'd understand Spike way better. This was love.
Love wasn't polite and into personal space, like the Rosenberg's.

"You're just saying this because you want to get your way," Faith said quietly.

"No, he's saying it because he believes you're strong enouo coo control the
demon, and it's about freakin' time you believed it too instead of relying on
magic," Kennedy said.

"You're worse than he is," Faith said to Kennedy.

Faith smiled as she took the cigarette out of Spike's mouth and puffed on it as
she turned away from him and to Kennedy.

"You always have to get your way. You both suck. I don't know why I hang out
with either of you... I should have minions or something, right? Instead I get
you two pig-headed wise-asses," she said.

"Well, if you want to be in charge more you'll have to keep those powers.
Because I won't take orders from some ordinary girl with a bull-whip in a
school-girl outfit," Spike beamed.

"I might," Willow sighed.

"Honey!" Kennedy laughed in surprise.

"Sorry," Willow said, "I thought I'd get in on the joking. You guys are joking.
She doesn't really think you guys suck, right?"

"No, I don't think anyone here sucks," Faith said, "In fact, you all really
really don't suck."

"Oh, I think I get it," Willow said, "If this was Buffy and me and Xand we'd all
be doing a group hug,"

"Well, thank God for small favors that we aren't the three of you," Spike rolled
his eyes.

The other vampire grunted something like agreement.

"Totally," Kennedy said, "But, you guys are great, honey... But I just am into
you, no group things for this girl."

She hugged Willow tightly.

"Whathisthis?" Robin said as he stood at the doorway with his arms folded.

"Robin," Faith said and quickly put out her cigarette and went over to him.

Kennedy felt herself stiffen. There was something about Wood. He carried that
Principal vibe around like he was waiting to catch them all at doing something
wrong. It was like Faith always had to prove something to him. Willow loved him,
and accused Kennedy of being overly protective of Faith "who is the last person
that needs protection." Kennedy thought Red was wrong on that one.

"Hey," the Angel vamp said to Wood.

"Hey," Wood grunted, "How's your son? Or I guess I should ask: How are your
son's fists? I do appreciate what he did for Faith."

Yeah, there was something about Wood that made Kennedy cross-eyed pissed. Faith
could appreciate her own friends, but Kennedy had learned to chill. It was like
Wood didn't know any better.

"Faith," the Angel guy said, "I can't thank you enough for trying to protect
Connor. But next time, just talk. Tell people whatever they want to know when it
comes to me, and I'll deal with them when they come to me."

Okay, maybe this was some man thing. Faith was the Slayer. Protecting people is
what she did. Well, maybe the Slayer wouldn't ordinarily protect vamps and their
day-walker kids, but nothing about Faith was ordinary.

"You're welcome, but there is no way I can refuse that order enough. I'm not on
your staff, Angel. I'm your friend. I don't squeal on friends... You think I
would have more friends in prison," Faith smiled.

"There won't be a next time...You still look tired. Are you getting enough rest?
Why is he here?" Wood said all this quietly to let everyone know it was only for
Faith to hear, even though everyone could hear it.

"I'm five by five. I vegged all day. Spike just came to heal me, and I wanted to
take a poll on the whole de-demonizing spell you were cool enough to find for
me," she said and stood on her toes to kiss Wood on the lips.

"You mean you're still thinking about not doing it after yesterday?" Wood asked
her quietly.

"Yesterday is totally the reason she should keep the bad boy in her...It saved
her from an awful time," Spike spoke before Kennedy could.

Spike wasn't one to play these little social games and pretend he didn't hear
something he heard. Maybe that was partly why Wood hated him. It was partly why
Kennedy liked him. Wood loathed Spike and in a way Kennedy understood. She
wouldn't like it if Red hung out with a really cute girl that had more power
than her all the time. But Wood was usually so slick, and his hate for Spike was
so obvious, immature even. It was Spike who was the mature polite guy around
Wood. It was like they switched personalities when it came to their rivalry.

"Maybe she wouldn't be in any of these situations if she didn't have to fight.
Did you ever think of that?" Wood barked.

"That's crap! Those guys didn't even know she was a Slayer. Women are attacked
everyday," Kennedy grumbled.

"Call me crazy, but I think it's a little safer to have mace and no power than
be in the mission against evil, and have friends that occasionally go evil who
have enemies coming out of the woodwork." Wood said calmly to Kennedy.

"I never meant to have anything that my son did affect Faith, or anyone. I only
came to help, and I only brought him to help. If I could have seen this
coming..." the Angel vampire said.

"Angel, it is so not you're fault, or Connor's, if anything it's mine. I had my
guard down," Faith said.

"I'm not blaming you, man. You did your best to keep your boy out of trouble.
Sometimes parents just can't keep their kid out of trouble, no matter what. They
just have to go through their little phase. Granted wild phases usually don't
indirectly lead to bloodshed and the assault of my girlfriend, but I know you
did your best," Wood said to the Angel guy.

What was this a PTA meeting now? Was Faith a kid Wood wanted to keep out of
trouble so he could spend some time with her after school? She could understand
wanting to sweep a woman away and save her and make her do nothing but smile.
But Kennedy nethouthought of any woman she wanted to sweep away as a child. She
was a Goddess, a wise all-powerful Goddess, that Kennedy was honored to make
happy. That was what Rhett never understood about Scarlet. She wasn't some
little bratty girl, she was far shrewder and wiser than Rhett himself, and if
Rhett could have just accepted that he could have been hers. Men, men, men.
Kennedy really just wanted them to leave. Spike was the only one of them that
remembered that this was about Faith here.

"All right..." that Wes guy was coming into Faith's room now with all these
books and rolled up paper, "I've got it all." Now Kennedy really wanted everyone
to leave. She didn't like this Brit. He reminded her of the Watchers that made
her life hell.

"Oh, good," Wood said.

"Wes?" Faith looked like a ghost showed up in her room.

"What's he doing here?" Spike grumbled.

"How did you get in here?" Kennedy asked.

"I left the door open for him... Faith gave me a key," Wood stated.

"I wouldn't just barge in if it wasn't important," the Wes guy said,

"but I'm afraid I have some more disturbing news."

"It's not about Connor, is it?" the Angel guy asked.

"No," he said, "It's about Faith and Spike and the whole Rhoshobi prophecy."

"Oh fuck!" Faith grumbled, "I swear the fun just continues!"

"Don't worry, Faith. Taking out the demon will stop it," Robin said.

"Stop what?" Faith asked.

"The merging. I met with the Roshobi's again," the Brit Wes said.

"Oh, you had a nice sit-down with the demons that are trying to off us," Spike
sang sarcastically as he lividly folded his arms.

"Why am I not surprised William the Bloody isn't in favor of peace talks?" Wes
said.

"It must be those enhanced squishy lobes, and the good education that Daddy's
money bought... You have something of use for us finally, or is it just more
bollocks?"

Spike marched up to the other Brit's face. He was shorter, but it didn't seem to
matter. Not that the Brit shrunk or even blinked at Spike getting in his face,
which surprised Kennedy. Those holier than thou Watchers she hated where always
such complete wusses.

Maybe it was that Spike's hate for this other Brit was so strong that Kennedy
took some of it on. Spike seemed to hate him for Faith. Kennedy was surprised
Faith didn't hate him. Instead she had this odd respect that Kennedy didn't get.
Not all of the Watchers had all been assholes; he just embodied the ones that
had been. May they rest in pieces.

"Nothing for you, my friend... Just an order to go away. This prophecy was never
about Angel and Buffy sleeping together. It's about your unclean soul and you
putting into Faith," the Wes guy said this very softly into Spike's face, but he
made sure he said it as fiercely as an attack dog growled their first low growl.


No, Kennedy di lik like this guy. Why did her Red have such bad taste in friends
sometimes?

"What?" Faith exclaimed.

"And all he has is more bollocks from a bunch of idiot fanatics," Spike sang.

"No, Faith. It's true," Wood said, "This prophecy is about you and him. He was
supposed to become human after he rose again, but he's not, and he has a soul,
but it's not pure, like a human soul..."

"It's unstable. When the shadow demon escapes into you he uses his...soul to
jump start you...like defibrillators," The Wes guy finished.

"You mean those heart starting things in the ER? Well, that's good, right?
Otherwise I'd be dead," Faith said.

"Yes, but the way he's doing it is not good...not good at all," Wesley said.

"When the demon comes out of you, so does everything else, Faith. The demon is
too strong, it takes your soul with it... He's taking his soul and merging it
with the shadow demon and your soul and putting it back in you with that glow
worm thing he does," Wood said.

"No, she's still in there... She calls for me to give her back what ever it is
she loses. I can feel that...feel her," Spike insisted.

"You're fucking poisoning her with your demon soul!" Wood shouted now.

"What?" Spike asked more bemused than pissed.

"Spike's soul should be human and it isn't. It's still demonic, and he's pairing
it up with that Shadow demon and putting it in you," Wes explained to Faith. So, So, Spike is putting himself inside me? What's so bad about that?... I
mean--uh-I guess it is bad. You need to stay in your own body, E, and I'll stay
in mine. Body switches, body sharing, it just confuses everyone as you know,"
Faith said.

"No, it isn't like that. It's his his lovely personality that's going into you,
that stays with him...Thank God... It's his...life force... his power," Wood
said.

"I'm making you weak? Why didn't you tell me?" Faith demanded of Spike.

"I think your man and his new best mate got some bad information... You know I'm
as strong as I ever was," Spike said.

"Faith!" Wood snapped, "Listen to me! Look at me! I don't know why he's not
getting weaker and I don't care! The important thing is that there n
n
ill-fated prophecy involving you and him, and I'm not letting him get his hands
on you."

"Baby, I've been around long enough to know that these prophecies can be totally
full of crap. You've gotta be careful reading them," Faith said.

"You know that too, Wes," the Angel vamp said.

"Angel, I assure you this isn't personal. It's about what's written and it isn't
like before this is written in more than one text," Wes said.

"Bloody hell it's not personal...It's moran pan personal when I need Peaches to
defend me," Spike grumbled.

"You think it's personal? Than let's have a look at this...Shall we?" the Wes
guy said.

He unrolled the paper he had. He took out all of his books. He and Spike argued
about this calendar and the time period something was supposed to happen in.
Spike was saying that this prophesy was ten years ago and was about Buffy and
the Angel vampire. He kept taking shots at the Angel vamp. Saying how Angel
liked under-age chicks, and how it almost ended the world. The Angel vamp didn't
argue. He just stood there with his arms folded. But it actually seemed like
Spike started to concede his argument as the other Brit went in to show them
more things in the books saying:

"This prophecy is indeed happening now." But then Spike started to argue about
the translation of the Latin in this one book. Kennedy admired his tenacity,
because he knew he was right. He was right no matter what argument he took.
Faith should keep being the Slayer. But since when did Spike read, letne ne
know Latin?

"All this bloody sas ths that I heal her and she carries all the power for a
bit!" he insisted lividly.

"Give the literal translation- verbatim," the Wes guy demanded, and Kennedy was
totally getting flashbacks of her dick Latin teacher, whom she had deliberately
repressed along with Latin.

"She alone will hold the demon power and the healing soul of the second coming
crossbred champion and there in lies the beginning of the end of the reign of
the power for a score of fortnights... This is the beginning of the new age,"
Spike sighed.

"What does that mean? What's the score on the fourth night? Is it like a game we
have to play in order to stay in the game?" Faith asked with her brow crinkling.


"No," The Wes Guy said, "That's how much time you have. A little under a year.
You're holding the demon in you and you're holding the healing of Spike's impure
soul...It says that you'll hold these things inside of you for a little under a
year and then... It's the beginning of the end."

"What? The end of the world? Because I was wondering when I would finally get an
apocalypse of my very own." Faith grinned with folded arms.

"No, the end of your life. His impure soul kills you," the Wes guy said.

"Where the bloody hell are you getting that? See, this is about change. Change
is good. It's the only constant in tniveniverse. Didn't they teach you that at
Watcher school?" Spike demanded.

"Another constant in the universe is evil and that is where this change is
headed, unless we stop it. Stop you," Wood said.

"I'm not evil anymore, mate."

Spike actually seemed to say this to Wood in a tolerant way where Kennedy just
wanted to rip his head off.

"Of course you're not!" Kennedy grumbled, "Look, I may have cheated through
translation class, but I know who my friends are. Spike has fought by our side
for two years, and he fought with Buffy before that. He saved our asses more
scores and fortnights than I can count. He's one of us."

"You cheated through translation class?" Willow asked Kennedy.

"This prophecy looks too dire for Faith to take any chances... The beginning of
a new age probably means a new Slayer... He's been healing yoth hth his demonic
soul for what? Almost half a year?" Wesley asked.

"Yeah, but -" Faith began.

"But that shadow demon has been in you longer... So we have less time than that.
We have to get it out Faith... All of it. Even the part that makes you the
Slayer," Wood said as he held her shoulders.

"Spike's soul isn't demonic or impure or whatever...it's...it's all good. I can
feel it. When it goes into me; it's all good," Faith said apologetically.

"Was he good when her broke that guy's neck?" Wood demanded.

"He did that for you!" Kennedy snapped.

She had never seen Wood be so manipulative, even though it was no secret he
wanted Faith to quit slaying all along.

"And I killed the first guy...I did it painfully too, not like Spike," Faith's
voice shook.

"If I had time, I'd have done the seven groups... or the nine." Spike said.

"That was not you. It was the demon. That's all the more reason why we should
get it out of you," Wood said.

"I-I just-" Faith began.

"Wood, hasn't Faith been through enough? Just what are you trying to do?"
Kennedy demanded.

"I'm trying to save Faith, Kennedy," Wood said calmly, but his nostrils flared,
"I know someone who can take the demon out of her with magic, someone as
powerful as Willow. I know it's unfortunate Faith won't have any of the demon
left in her to be the Slayer... I happen to think that Faith is better of alive
and with out her powers. My love for he goes beyond her being a Slayer."

"Listen-" Kennedy began.

This was was so full of himself with his bullshit calm exterior. He was the type
of principal who never yelled, but would just make your life hell with a million
detentions if he decided he hated you.

"Robin, no one here just likes me because I'm the Slayer... I think they like me
in spite of it. I haven't been the best Slayer," Faith said.

She smiled. She looked so tired Kennedy didn't want to argue.

"Well, then they should see, the demon is getting worse. And Spike...this
healing thing... it's keeping you alive from demon attack to demon attack, but
it's unpredictable...When Spike did it yesterday something scared you," Wood
said.

"Bollocks, you weren't scared. Were you, love?" Spike asked Faith.

"I don't remember... Spike was whispering something to me. Not really, not in
real words, but, sometimes, I can feel his feelings...He was telling me it was
okay to burn or something...Do you remember, Spike?" Faith was cut off by Robin.


"Oh, this just is sounding safer and safer...if I was comparing it to us having
a date at a KKK meeting. You want to argue about semantics, Spike? Fine! Argue
this!" Wood grumbled.

He took the one of the books out. It had a drawing of a vamp holding a girl as
she burned. He holdholding her over water that she was struggling to get too.
The girl did look desperate for the water. The vamp did look insistent on
burning her up. It was just a drawing. Kennedy had seen worse real life things,
almost on a monthly basis, but she found herslooklooking away. She had seen that
the light in Spike was growing to a fire when he healed Faith. She had even felt
it growing hotter if she happened to be near when he had to heal Faith. It was
becoming easier for Spike to do it, and it was becoming more intense.

"This doesn't quiet bring out my eyes," Spike laughed, "Look, I don't care what
any of this ancient prophecy bcks cks says. Faith is the Slayer for a reason and
it's not to end because the two of you have a bone to pick with my sodding ass."


"A bone to pick! That's all it is to you? This is all still some stupid game to
you! Only now you do your Slayers in a more sophisticated way. You screwed Buffy
and now your gonna burn you're very essence into Faith... You won't fucking stop
until you have control of all the Slayers! What are you gonna do for the next
one? Get hold of her young? Raise her as your own?" Wood said with so much hate.
But he never raised his voice.

The next thing Kennedy knew the Angel vampire was trying really hard to hold
Spike back as Wood just stood there dully.

"Robin," the Angel guy said in a strained voice as struggled to hold back Spike.
"You think you could not say stuff like that. Spike---" he paused as he threw
Spike into the wall. "...would never intentionally hurt Faith. That I know...
Now as far as the other s..."..."

"You okay, Spike?" Kennedy asked.

Another cracked Wall Harris would have to fix.

"I'm fine, but our girl's in trouble," Spike muttered to Kennedy alone.

"Oh c'mon!" Wood grumbled, "Look at how easy it is to make him lose it. If you
weren't here to stop it he would have killed me. Look at who you're trusting
your life to Faith. Say something to him he doesn't like and he'll rip your
throat out."

"Faith, you know I'd never hurt you," Spike said.

"Yeah, well if you hurt Robin you hurt me, you know," Faith said angrily.

"Well, he's already hurt you more than you know," Wood spat.

"That healing thing isn't hurting me. Why won't you guys listen?" Faith
demanded.

"I agree with Spike on one thing. We can't take this personally. It isn't about
how it feels. It isn't about Spike's past. It isn't about Spike wanting to hurt
you or wanting to be evil. He can be hurting you without knowing it. He was
supp to to come back with a pure human soul, and there is still vampire in
it... That merging with the pure shadow demon seems to end up killing you,e
e
Wes guy said.

"Well, all we know here in reality land is that I'm not bloody killing her! I'm
keeping her alive, and there's no sodding way to take the demon out. She needs
me, and I'm here to be needed, and you can't make me go away," Spike said this
in a child-like way.

"Oh, but there's where you're wrong. When we take the shadow demon out I'll
never have to look at you again," Wood smiled now.

"It will also get the assassin problem taken care of," the Wes guy said, "The
Rhoshobi clan, they agreed to call off the hit if the shadow demon is taken out
of you."

"The assassins will stop coming after me and Spike too? That would make things a
lot safer for the whole gang. Will there be another Slayer called?" Faith asked.


"Faith, I know you can't want to give up your calling," Kennedy gritted her
teeth.

"The assassins will stop coming... after all of us. Who knew some demon clan
would care about my life so much as to kill us all over it? I'll stop killing
people...I'll stop having to fight my darkness. Really not seeing a down-side
here, K." Faith smiled sadly.

"Well, I see it," Kennedy told her "You want to keep being the Slayer. You know
that Spike isn't hurting you. You've come so far. You could be the best Slayer,
and you're gonna have to keep fighting your darkness either way."

"Yeah... What Special K said," Spike seconded.

"This isn't about a beauty contest between me and the whole line of Slayers.
It's about what's best." Faith said.

"I can tell you what's not best! Bloody magic!" Spike scoffed, "You're out of
your mind. There's no telling what that could do!"

"I don't care what it does, as long as it keeps her alive. Isn't that what you
care about too? Or is it just about owning her... Cowboy?" the Wesley guy was
giving Spike a little smirk.

"Faith, Baby, I can take you to my place. Alistair comecome by the end of the
week and we can have the shadow demon out," Robin said softly to Faith.

"Alistair!" Spike roared, "Nikki's Watcher's father? He's the great and powerful
one that's gonna save Faith? You can't be bloody serious?"

"Don't you ever say her name!" Wood said fiercely and hit Spike it the face.

Spike didn't even move to hit Wood back. He just stood there looking at Faith
wide-eyed.

"What the hell? Who's Nikki?" Faith demanded.

"Tell her!" Wood said, "You brought her into to this. You tell Faith who she
is!"

"I didn't bring her into this. You always had her in this. What would be right
is not bringing Faith into the Nikki thing, but I suppose a bloke can't help
these things," Spike seemed to whisper to Wood.

"What the fuck?" Faith demanded.

"Not now. Not tonight. Not after everything she's been through," Spike said
softly.

"What is this?" Faith continued.

"Nikki was my mother," Robin said shaking out the fist that hit Spike.

"And Bernard Crowley was her Watcher, and Alistair was his father... He was
tossed out of the Council because he went dark," Spike said.

"You knew Robin's mom?" Faith demanded of Spike.

"You mean she doesn't know? Why on Earth wouldn't you tell her?" Wesley
demanded.

"Yeah, Nikki was a good fighter... and Bernard was a good Watcher. But his
father, Alistair he'll rip out all your power and take it for himself. Are you
out of your sodding mind, Wood? How is Crowley even still alive?" Spike asked

"Alir har has redeemed himself. I hear even the worst of the scum can do it,"
Wood stated blandly.

"Bullocks! That sod was in far too deep with the magics to ever come back. He
has the power to rip people a part and he enjoys it. I'een een him do it," Spike
said.

"I will do anything to save her, but you can't get that!" Wood yelled.

"I can get that! If that was true, you wouldn't let Faith near Alistair, just to
get rid of my sodding ass! You seem to be all buddies with Peaches now, he's
telling you I'd never hurt Faith. You must know Alistair. He has far too much
bloody power for one man to control, it controls him, and he can't be anything
but evil."

Spike was actually talking calmly towards Wood. It creeped Kennedy out to no
end.

"Like me, I have too much power in me to control it. It can't go anywhere but to
badness... That's why I have to take this demon out of me...Slayer and all,"
Faith said sadly.

"No, Faith" Spike said softly, "You are nothing like Alistair... You are good. I
told you. Better than the lot of us. I believe in you. You just have to trust
me."

"I do, Spike but-" Faith began.

"I wish she could trust you. I really do. But it's obvious she can't...Faith,
Spike killed the Slayer Nikki Wood. Perhaps that's how he knows the power of
Alistair so well. Alistair was interested in avenging Nikki's death for a
while," the Wes guy said.

"That's complete bullocks! He was never interested-" Spike began.

"What?" Faith laughed, "That's crazy. Robin just said that Nikki was his mother.
Spike couldn't have killed Robin's mother. You got your files mixed up, Wes."

"No, I'm afraid it's true. See, even with the soul Spike isn't honest, Faith. He
may not be a killer but he stills seems to do whatever it takes in order for him
to get close to Slayers, and he'll do anything to hold onto that, even if it
puts the Slayers in danger. That's what he did with Buffy, when he had that
trigger in him... I suppose he's a fetishist or something and with the soul it
manifests differently," the Wes guy sighed.

" A fetishist, huh? Kinky and cool theory, if you were right, Wes, but you're
not. Spike never hurt B with that trigger! He got it outta him and saved the
world, remember?... And he wasn't the one that killed Robin's Mom; he couldn't
be." Faith laughed.

"You're a fucking bastard!" Spike growled to Wesley.

"I'm sorry, Faith," Wood said suddenly.

"Sorry for what?" she asked, "Oh God!"

"I didn't tell you when I first met you because it was all too fresh for me, and
then we had the big battle and then I turn around and you were friends with
him-allies-I thought it would be easier if you didn't know... fast forward to
now and here he is in my face everyday," Wood said.

"Fi-" Spike began

"You shut the fuck up! Don't you say one word!" Faith screamed as she sunk on
the bed and stared at no one.

"Faith, you can't---" Spike tried again, and Kennedy admired him.

No one else seemed to be able to talk.

"Don't you dare say you're sorry! If you say it I'll beat you to death with my
half-strength soldier molested ass," Faith yelled.

Dead silence. Then Wood finally said something:

"He's not sorry. He stood there with his wonderful glowing soul and told me how
not sorry he was. He blamed---" Wood was cut off by Faithtingting up pointing
her finger at him.

"You... you kept this from me. All the shit you gave me about being hiiendiend,
I thought I was doing something wrong, that you didn't trust me and it was you
that shouldn't have been trusted," she said.

"Of course you can trust me, Faith! I did it for you, I only hid the truth to
save you pain. I knew you were gonna end up having to work with him sooner or
later. I've gotta say what I didn't expect was your naivety of falling for his
act, for thinking he was the great American hero-or English hero, I guess. Can
you imagine how I feel now? All those hours of listening to you stick up for him
and talk about what a great guy he was... Can you see what he really is now,
Faith?" Wood pleaded.

And God help her, Kennedy felt bad for the guy. Would Kennedy really let lose on
Willow how much she hated Buffy? What if Buffy had done something horrible to
Kennedy?

"No, and I can't see what you really are right now either," Faith said.

"What?" Wood gasped.

Kennedy was surprised he didn't get it right away.

"Faith, whatever I was, I am not that anymore," Spike said.

"Get out!" Faith yelled.

"Yes, just leave, Spike," the Wes guy said.

"Sorry, let me be a little clearer. If you have a penis get out of the house! If
you don't have one, go back to your own bedroom. I need to be alone, which is
what I wanted in the first place for fuck's sake!"

"You're going to throw me out of your house along with him? Like we're the same?
You do remember I'm the one whose mother was murdered, that I'm the one that
loves you?" Wood demanded.

"I'm sorry about your mom, Robin... I can't imagine how these past two years
have felt for you. But I'm really pissed at you. You were wrong not to tell me.
Why wouldn't you, unless you didn't trust me. How am I supposed to trust you
now? I don't even know who you are!"

"I'm the one who loves you," he said.

"Please, just go, okay? This has been a day in Hell, followed.. a.. a day in
Hades. I'll talk to you tomorrow, unless I'm off somewhere re-living the last
day of 6th grade because this is some kind of hell-week," Faith laughed now.

"And will you talk to me?---" Spike pleaded.

"Oh, for God sake's get the fuck out of here, you're pathetic!" Wood half-yelled
and half-laughed at him.

"At least hear me out about the magics, please... I'm not asking for free coffee
and laughs..." Spike finished ignoring Wood.

"I'll see you one more time," Faith said dully.

"Faith-" Wood began.

"Go! Go! Before, I lose it on you, I swear!" Faith yelled, "Angel, wait, not
you."

______________________________________________________________________

Connor was the Destroyer. He smiled after he landed hard on the roof of a
building after being flipped over the balcony by some demon that looked like
Lorne on steroids with no horns. Like the hulk, he was a strong one. He had no
idea who he was dealing with. Connor hadn't really known what the demon was
dealing with either until he was reminded yesterday. He had forgotten he was the
Destroyer. Everything in Quar'toth had hated him. Angel and all of his people
had hated him. Cordelia had loved him, but she was gone. He had almost destroyed
her with that love. His "seed" (as Holtz would say) had made her become evil and
then she almost died. Wherever she was she must hate him now.

Now Connor had wanted to protect Faith. Spike had brought Connor back into the
fold, and he had failed. He had almost gotten Faith raped and killed. Angel had
tried to use magic to get people to love Connor because Angel didn't. Who could?
When his love for people resulted in things like this. Spike and Faith saw
something in Connor, enough to bring him into their fight. Just a few nights ago
it felt so fucking easy:

**********************************************************************

*Connor helped destroy those 'Rock Thing'-like assassins that had been so sure
that they were going to kill Faith and Spike. He had carried Faith laughing on
his back into the bar, so her feet didn't touch the germy ground. Her boyfriend
had pointed out how dirty the bar was and she couldn't get it out of her head.
Then she complained she wanted to dance and Spike had said- tough shit if she
didn't want to get her feet dirty- and then made fun of her. For "her sudden
onset of prissiness. You can't dance without getting dirty, Firecracker."*

"Totally walked myself into another nagging dancing metaphor. Maybe I got hit in
the head harder than I thought," Faith said as she elbowed Connor when she sat
at the barstool.

Spike gave her the English bird and she gave him back the middle finger. Connor
laughed his first honest laugh since he remembered he was Connor. He hadn't
fully remembered he was the Destroyer yet.

"So, that's the exchange rate. You get two Brit fingers for one U.S. one," Faith
said, and Connor laughed again.

"Right, you Yanks are like our no-good runaway children, who've been coming back
to rip us off ever since... No wings for you now," Spike rolled his eyes.

"No wings. No dancing. I should just leave," Faith said.

Connor told her that she could stand on his feet and dance, and she looked at
him like he just grew fangs. It was a game he played with his sister when she
had been younger. She would stand on his feet and they would slow dance, back
when sas was watching too much "Cinderella." But, that hadn't really happened,
had it?. His sister probably only really did that with his father. Neither of
these people were really his sister or his father. Connor was the real
Cinderella... and it had turned midnight twice.... What would his family say if
they knew he was the LA terrorist? What would they say if they knew he was so
shitty they only sent pieces of shit killers after him that used rape as a way
of trying to make women t Fai Faith would have never talked. When he had shown
up to save her he heard her still pretending not to know who he was. She was the
only woman who really knew who he was and she had pretended not to know him, in
order to save his sorry ass. She had been better off forgetting him.

Connor had Faith standing on his feet as he danced. She could be so light when
she wanted to, even though she could cut him up eight ways to Sunday. He had cut
Dawn Summers up- emotionally. Bu, he was helping to keep them all-safe, and he
thought he could. Even the ones more powerful than him, like Faith. That's just
what he thought about Cordy. He was a fucking idiot.

He remembered Faith laughing as he told the story of his spazzy sister "dancing"
with him like this from too much "Cinderella."

"Did I ever watch those movies as a kid? I think my favorite movie was 'Mother
Juggs and Speed' when I was with my Mom," she said as the bar played some Punk
cover of "The First cut is the Deepest."

Connor saw Faith look over at Spike who looked like his dog just died or
something. It made Connor nervous for a second, until Faith spoke.

"I think Spike is having a B moment... He's missing Buffy. You know, the real
Slayer? She's in a dimension where she's human and with your dad... maybe you're
their kid!" Faith exclaimed.

Connor doubted that highly and tried not to grimace. The idea seemed to make
Faith so happy for some reason.

"Pffft!" Spike rolled his eyes. "Shows what you know. Blade would be bored stiff
with my gir-Buffy and Angel as parents...and I wasn't thinking of her. I have
had other experiences in my few years before I knew Buffy."

"Yeah, that psycho chick vamp!" Faith laughed, "Don't tell me you are carrying
two torches. I need you to have at least one hand to fight with... Unless we
could have Blade totally take your place."

"The boy's got fire in him, but not the kind that can heal you," Spike had said.


Connor had no idea just how fucking true that was at the time Spike said it.

"But Blade has this amazing power, called sucking it up, and I could really use
that, not for slayage, but for this social stuff... You weepy bitches are a
drag," Faith smirked.

Spike laughed and shook his head.

"Pardon me, I'll never mourn my little sister again. Sorry to bore you. What
should I do for my next trick?"

"Oh, where's that stiff upper-lip, Billy-Boy? You just need a good dance is
all," Faith said in a Brit accent that really sounded like Wesley's.

And she flew over to Spike like a jackrabbit and landed her feet perfectly on
his. Connor laughed in amusement and amazement. He could never jump that fast
with so much precision, and he could never do a Brit accent that good either.

"Tell her that doesn't bloody sound like me at all! And who the bloody hel
B
Billy-boy?" Spike grumbled and let out a small smirk.

"Um... that's you right? That's your name," Connor asked.

He knew from the file. Connor wasn't the only one with three names.

"This is who I have to fight my side, Blade. A bleached blond bimbo! I guess you
can't look this good and get brains too? Even though you and I managed it... You
better stick around, kid," Faith said as she turned to Connor.

Make that four names.

"You're a real bitch, Slayer, you know? I hope you do get athlete's foot or
gangrene. The tops of my shoes are worse than this floor. You've seen the scum I
put my foot through-literally. Well, not literally," Spike scowled.

"So, this little sister? Why didn't you ever tell me about her?" Faith asked as
she put her arms around Spike's neck.

She lifted up her feet with the chipped burgundy toenails and wrapped her legs
around him. Spike smiled now. Why hadn't Connor thought to say the tops of his
shoes were dirty?

"What is this?" Spike smirked, "You wanna play my head shirker now, to get back
at me fhat hat I brought up today in training?"

"This is where I'm supposed to get pissed and then you don't have to talk about
your sister. Hmmm, don't think it's working. There's nothing for me to get back
at you for. You helped me, so I help you," she said.

"Leave it to you to keep score in tough love," he said.

"Quid pro quo," she said. How did she know Latin? She dropped out of high
school. Connor hadn't known shit until they put all the memories of that first
rate education in his head.

"Wrapping your legs around men may usually get them to talk, but they're old hat
to me with all this training," Spike smiled.

He was so cool. Maybe if Connor lived to be a hundred and forty something he
could play it cool with Faith wrapped around him.

"I know B was your girl, and I can sit here and squeeze my thighs together until
they meet in the middle of you and nothing would come up. The only thing I want
to come up is what's eating you,...and I know it ain't EnglEnglish," she said.

Could it be possible that Faith was cooler than Spike?

"Hey!"Spike raised his eyebrows, "You would not get nothing... In fact, talk
like that is getting you something. More than you want to handle. I may be
whipped, but I'm not dead... Not in that respect."

No, he was still cooler.

"Wow," she laughed as she put her feet back on his shoes, "A semi-come-on... I
haven't heard one of those from in ain a while. Why don't you want to talk about
little sister so bad?"

Okay, it was a tie.

"Why don't you wanna tell me about the time between your calling and your Mum?"

"Because there is no good to remember. I'm sure there's good to remember with
your sister. I don't care if you haven't thought about her in a hundred plus
years because your lack of soul made you not give a shit. I don't care if you
had her as part of your breakfast buffet with tea and crumpets. You don't have
to tell me that part, but you can. You know I'm not the faint of heart type. Go
'head and try to shock me. I'm not gonna think any differently of you. I know
you, you know me....All I care about is right now," Faith said.

Connor felt a little sick. It was then he stopped drinking. He was right to be
away from his family. He should find reason to stay away until school started
again.

"Right now my 'bit-my sister-is gone and I'm having the bloody piss annoyed
outta me by you. I would never hurt Caroline, or anyone in my family I loved
them throughout being the big bad. Not that it did them a lick of good because
it didn't...Accept my Uncle. I hated his buggering ass. I tortured the piss out
of him with his own dental tools. He never respected my Mum, and he broke her
heart when he didn't come to Caroline's funeral. Caroline died when she was
fifteen. She had TB. All the women in my family had strong minds, but weak
bodies. She'd always get me to play all the Nancy games girls play with that
swift mind. Kind of like what you're doing to me now. So, shocking or what? If
you want I can make up a better story. Take a page out of Angelus's book," Spike
said.

Connor thought all vampires killed their families, like all ducks lay eggs, but
thwerewere always the outliers, that was Stats 101. Spike was that
outlier...then there was always the outlier on the other extreme. Angelus,
Connor's real father. What had he done to his family?

"No, Dude!" Faith laughed. It helped Connor feel less sick. "I'm fucking
floored...That was wicked! Well, I knew you were going to say that right now I'm
annoying the bloody piss out of you part... And the Uncle thing was the same
ol', same ol'.... The loving the fam through the loss of soul and not feeding on
them part is kind of a shocker. Damn, E you're a freak, you know? Do you know
you're a total freak? I don't just mean now with the soul and the rising again.
I mean you were ALWAYS A freak. Did you know?"

"All of my actions have led me to be here with you and the boy. How could I not
know?" he asked.

"Gee," she said, "Thanks a fuckin' bunch, English."

She had jumped back to the bar chair. It was like she flew.

"Bloody hell!" Spike grumbled, "Leave it to you to be hurt after calling me a
freak."

"

I meant it in a good way, but I take it all back-you suck." she said,

"Still, you know how many vamps still have love in them without the soul? I've
never seen any."

"It doesn't matter. I was still evil. Like I said, I'd have made you a footnote
in history by now... Maybe I'd leave the boy alone, after convincing him to kill
his old man of course," Spike sighed and then smirked.

"You'd never have killed me. B may have had all the family and friend goodies,
but I'd see right through you like glass, baby...I'd walk all over you," she
cackled. "Right, you'd see through me and walk on me like broken glass! I'd have
cut you up," he said.

"No way! You have no idea how dangerous I was. How fucking scary," she snorted.
"On the contrary, I think I do. I think it's you who doesn't know how dangerous
you were, how scary, and that's what I would have used to take you down...But
I'd still see all the potential in you...and in Blade here. I'd have to be blind
not to see it. If I didn't have Dru, I'd make you," Spike said.

What potential in Connor did Spike see? The specialness that made him kill?

"Bigger Bads than you have tried, Baby," Faith sang.

"Who?" Spike smirked, "That huge side of beef moron- Kakistos?"

"No, your Vamp Daddy, son," Faith teased.

Connor thought maybe he was too uptight, but he didn't think this was funny.

"What!" Spike roared. People in the bar stopped talking.

Perry Ferrell was the only voice that could be heard for a second: "*she's says
'Stop, I'm a girl!*"

Then came Faith's: "Jesus Christ, E! It was a lifetime ago. I thought you knew.
Haven't you seen the scars?" "All Slayers have their scars, but most of them
aren't from Angelus trying to fucking sire them! How can you just--- just
forgive him for that? He came here and you couldn't wait to bloody see him...
You know what he would have made you! He probably would---"

"Not Angel...Angelus, Spike-"

"Angel/Angelus...Jekyll/Hyde...Eminem/Slim Shady. you know how sick I am of this
evil twin bollocks?" Spike roared. He was right. He was the only one that saw it
too.

"Um, I can guess...and I think all of Sunny D can now," Faith said.

"He was supposed to be your friend," Spike insisted.

"Angel is my friend. One of the best," Faith insisted back.

But how could she forgive him?

"I did some horrible things over the years...bloody awful, I killed minions...I
killed little bits just for fun... But once I had a friend...I may owe them a
few pounds ...all right...This one guy, wasn't really a friend, but I kind of
liked him and I killed him because I was really bloody hungry. But I would
never, never sire a bloody friend, better to kill them... I sired...someone
once...someone I loved...They were going to die and I wanted...What they turned
into...nothing but the hate in them left...Angelus bloody Angel knew that and
that's why he did it!" Spike said.

"You're right, but like I said it was Angelus...not Angel. Angel with nothing
but the hate in him left... Angelus really hates me. Angelus really hates...
everybody. Angel he-he would never hurt me," Faith explained. She was so pretty.
Of course Angel would never hurt her. Angel had hurt people that weren't as good
though.

"Fine! Bloody fine! Forgiveness is divine and all that rot. That isn't what
brasses me off. What does it is the fact that you all let Angel go around with
the delusion that it is some bloody body switch, and he isn't responsible. Well,
I am the same bloody guy... I did all of those things!" Spike grumbled.

"But you don't get it, E. There is you, and then there are the rest of us. When
we have nothing but the hate in us left we have nothing pretty to offer. We
aren't so pretty like you that even the worst of us has love to give, Princess,"
she said to Spike.

Spike looked at Faith with what wasn't quite shock, or gratitude, or happiness,
or confusion. It's what Connor would look like if Faith professed her love to
him while simultaneously kicking him in the testicles. "So... quit judging so
harsh, dick!" Faith said. She stepped over to Spike and pushed his chest and
then quickly went back to the chair.

"Oh-oh!" Spike gasped to Connor, "She's lost the game now. Her feet touched the
ground. You're were down in the dank, Fi."

"Yeah," she said, "It was worth it to steal your drink. I don't comprise my
principles until I want something."

"Staying squeaky clean shouldn't be one of your principles. The boy is going to
be the only one of chivalrous enough to keep you out of the dirt," Spike said.

"I aim to please," Connor smiled.

**********************************************************************

That night as well as others, Connor may have fooled them into seeing something
in him. He even fooled Spike, who didn't see Angelus's son, but something else.
So, Connor believed it too. He forgot what he was so miserable over. He forgot
without magic. Until he saw Faith lying on the floor. It was her boyfriend that
had covered up her half-nakedness. It was Spike who had healed Faith, and
cracked that fucking guy's neck (that was beautiful.). It was Angel who did
whatever to work out the deal with the government to not bust Faith or
Connor-more magic no doubt. But at least Angel had done something. It was just
Connor who got Navy Seal rapists in Sunnydale on Faith's ass. They could have
very easily gotten a hold of one of the other girls that had no demon inside to
protect them.

Faith's boyfriend had said it was Connor's fault and he was right. Connor tried
to see Faith, but the dark haired girl said she didn't want to see anyone.
Connor stayed outside the house, because where else was he going to go? He saw
Spike drive up in his car. Spike looked broken, like that guy's neck he took
care of. Connor didn't heal, he destroyed. That was why Angel had gave him away,
and he was too horrible to be what he was so Angel had to make him someone else.
Because Connor was Angelus's son, really. Angel with nothing but the hate in
him. Even when Connor loved he destroyed. He was the destroyer. Even if he went
back to being Brian he would still be the destroyer and somehow destroy his
family. He wasn't like Spike. He was like Angel. He'd somehow tear his familaparapart even with a soul, whether he meant to or not. So Connor had one person
left to destroy.

"If you wanna kill me you better have friends... and you better bring them all
out, or else I'll just pick them off one by one," Connor said,

"You hear that! I'll kill you all and then I'll go after every demon you know.
So you better make some calls now to warn everyone. There's a new big bad in
town!"

Connor like that "the big bad." It tickled his lips. It was Spike's. He had run
back in the demon bar just to say this. He went to the baddest bar and picked on
the biggest guy, but that wasn't going to be enough. He had gotten the whole bar
out after him. The bartender cursed him out. He looked human. He warned the
demons dropping the names of Faith and Spike and Angel.

"You think I'm tight with the Slayer, Spike and Angel?" Connor sneered, "You're
full of shit. You just don't want me to take your business away. No one is
coming to protect me. I fucked up the Slayer, Spike and Angel more than any of
you could, and now I'm going to fuck up all of you."

"Who are you?" the Hulky demon demanded with a laugh as the whole bar was now
behind him ready to kick Connor's ass.

"I'm the destroyer," Connor said, "So, are you guys all friends? Did you grow up
together is this a townie bar?"

"No, we just have each other's backs," one of them answered.

"Well, I hope you know what your doing because having the wrong person's back
can destroy you," Connor laughed.

"Oh, you're that kid. The Day-Walker vampire," The demon said.

"That's right," Connor laughed. There was no denying it anymore. That's what he
was.

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End Forget Me Not Part 7-- Go to the futher darkness of 8 --->