The Journal of Buffy Summers

AUTHOR’S NOTE: My sincerest thanks to my reviewers, this time I’m just going to thank them here because of the poem I have inserted toward the end of my story. My thanks to Mrs. Muir for being my beta.

Click on the following link to view my album for this story

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/vettehayden/album?.dir=/8325&.src=ph

How come I’m only FOUR STARS! LOL! I’m getting star envy!

Reference made to poem written by Brian Preble - “If Wishes Were Horses” is posted at the end of my story to enjoy along with an old proverb – but it is the poem that Spike recites to Buffy in my chapter. ENJOY!


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Page 8 – If Wishes Were Horses, Beggars Would Ride

Personal Journal Note: Andrew just because I said that I’m a better story teller than you are, doesn’t mean that you can label my pages as “The Journal of B.S.!” Cut it out, asshole! Now put that in your carefully prepared files. Giles, swat him up side the head, real hard for me, okay? Please?

Alright, now that I got that out of my system – on with my story!

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Riley was no where to be found, that big weenie! And all his soldiers were gone too! Apparently, Riley thought (and wisely I might add) that I would come out looking to punch first and then ask questions later! Damn! My fists were itching to beat the crap out of something or someone!

Then, in some bizarre twist of fate, my wish for violence was handed over on a silver platter as the fine hairs on the back of my neck started to tingle. My slayer instincts were telling me that there were demons near by. So I started making my way towards of the wrecked site of the barricaded Wolfram and Hart building.

The tingling feeling started getting stronger as I got closer and my abdominal muscles started cramping telling me in no uncertain terms that, yep, demons nearby!

It was silly, but the whole time I ran toward the wreckage all I could think about was “What would Spike say regarding this unbelievable chance of coincidence?”

“Well wishes just happen to be horses today.” Oh God! That would be exactly what he would say!

Like some broken record, that phrase kept repeatedly playing inside my head! Hauntingly, his sensual voice kept whispering it to me, echoing over and over like some maddening melody that would not stop playing.


The erotic memories it conjured up only served to quicken my pace. It was his favorite reply whenever we’d have sex and he would tease me to the edge of pleasure but never enough for me to go over it. He loved forcing me to **beg** for release just so he could hear me talk dirty – he was such a perv!

Afterwards, when he thought I was sleeping, he would recite that poem, whispering it to me as he lovingly twirled a lock of my hair with his finger. Then he would affectionately call me his little “Goldie Locks” and that I had the power to make his wishes come true.”

Spike had his secrets that he jealously guarded to protect his “Big, Bad Reputation". His deepest, darkest and most sinister secret was his love of poetry. He never lost his inner poet “William” even after being turned. He kept private libraries stashed all around the world for his own enjoyment. He had priceless first edition publications that he had stolen from public and private libraries from back in the day before being implanted with the "government behavior modification chip". The wealth of knowledge he possessed was staggering and he kept current with poetry written by modern day poets. I always loved pretending to be asleep just so he could recite poetry to me, but I think he always knew that I was awake and that was our little secret.

Ugh! I really must be jet lagged to have that memory cross my mind right about now. It was seriously giving me a major case of the wiggin’s!

I heard a commotion that sounded like fighting coming from the direction of the wreckage and I started running toward it. All of my instincts were focused on the sounds of the skirmish and my body began to tense, tighten like a coil, ready to spring into battle, ready to tear apart anything that wanted to fight into tiny unrecognizable little pieces!

Adrenaline combined with blinding rage overflowed my senses and with every step I took, I surrendered my humanity to the blackness that was swallowing me up until nothing remotely human was left in me.

My body felt like it was humming, vibrating with supernatural strength that I have never felt before. It was almost as if the human girl within had turned to ashes and from those ashes arose the primal, prehistoric slayer hell bent on destruction as the last vestiges of my humanity slipped away.

Rounding the corner, I saw Riley and his crew physically fighting with demons that were crawling out of the bowels of the wreckage.

Gaining momentum I ran faster and jumped over the top of one of the demons as I somersaulted over his head I grabbed it and twisted hard breaking his neck before anyone even noticed me.

The loud **CRACK** of his neck breaking had the desired effect and got the attention of the other demons, drawing them away from Riley and his soldiers.

Not wasting any time I immediately grabbed a piece of twisted steel from the wreckage and thrust it as hard as I could into the chest of the demon charging toward me. With a garbled sound it fell at my feet and I used its body as a spring board to once again jump into the air and propelled myself at the next approaching demon. With a flying kick I sent him flying, hurling towards the other last remaining demon. Knocked off their feet they skidded across the ground, spinning out of control resembling tumbling bowling pins.

With glazed eyes, I watched them lay there in a tangled heap, trying to untangle themselves from each other. Quick as a flash, ignoring Riley’s screams for me to stop, I killed them both even before they knew what hit them.

On one, I grounded my foot onto its neck and viciously twisted it. It was a move that simultaneously crushed and broke his neck.

Straddling the other, I began to rain a volley of punishing blows to its face and body. Tirelessly, I kept hitting it with one blow after another, putting all of my strength behind the punches.

I relished the perverse feeling washing over me at the fear I saw in their eyes. I drank in their horror and devoured it like a starved animal unable to quench its thirst or hunger. I took extreme pleasure in knowing that I was the cause of their fear and that I would be the last thing they ever saw before I sent them straight back into hell.

So lost in my rage and need for violence that I was unaware of my surroundings and the soldiers encircling me. In shock and disbelief, they were staring at me with repulsed looks of horror distorting their faces.

I never noticed that the demon I was brutally beating was long dead as I continued pummeling its lifeless carcass into a bleeding unrecognizable mass of pulp.

It was only when I felt my body being lifted by some unseen force that I came to my senses and the enormity of what I had done sunk in with revulsion.

It was grizzly, grotesque and as my head started clearing, I noticed that I was covered in gore and held at bay suspended up in the air.

“Willow, Riley must’ve called Willow”, I began to realize. Something inside of me had snapped and if not for some unknown divine intervention then Riley and his crew would have been at the receiving end of my murderous rampage.

Seeing the carnage that I had left on the ground for the first time, my stomach retched, as the bile rose up and I started to vomit. It brought back memories of the time when I had beaten the snake demon Glory had sent to track down Dawn. But worse it also reminded me of the time when I beat Spike into the ground in some filthy dark alley next to the police station and just left him there like so much garbage with sunrise threatening on the distant horizon. The onslaught of those images sickened me further as I continued to purge myself of the meager contents inside my stomach.

I was lowered gently to the ground where a blanket was thrown over my trembling shoulders and a glass of water was pressed to my lips as I gulped it down in large swallows.

My body was shaking and I was sobbing uncontrollably as my teeth began chattering from the icy feelings overwhelming me. Arms encircled me, hugging me, holding me tight in spite of the fact that I was covered from head to foot in gore.

“Oh Buffy”, Willow soothed as she rubbed my back in comforting circles, “why didn’t you come to the Hyperion like you were supposed to? We were planning on being there with you when you saw that video and then Riley called and said that you had showed up here instead. I really wish that you would have called us, to let us know that you had changed your mind. We were so worried when you didn’t show up,” Willow cooed.

“You really shouldn’t have seen that video all alone, Buffy.” I noticed that Willow gave Riley a disapproving look over my shoulder and judging by the tone in her voice I knew that comment was meant more for him and than for me. How Riley reacted, if at all, I failed to notice.

“Oh Willow, it hurts! I hurts so bad…I can’t stand it!” I cried holding onto her as my emotional dam burst and the grief I suppressed started coming out all at once.

“They’re both gone! I was so stupid to believe that Angel would ever turn evil again. I didn’t trust him, Willow. I had to be all judgy and stubborn and only thought of my own stupid selfish feelings!”

“I shut Angel out just like I shut Spike out, all because of my precious pride and stupid calling! They’re vampires!” I began sputtering, “An…an…and they are supposed to exist forever! They were supposed to wait for me and be there like they’ve always been and now they’re both GONE!”

I ended my incoherent ramblings with a pained, strangled whimper echoing the tortured anguish I felt inside. I began crying even harder knowing that I had crested that plateau of hopeless despair that Spike and Willow had been lost to last year.

“Let’s get her inside into the trailer setup for our female soldiers so you can get her cleaned up,” Riley interjected. He lifted me into his arms as my legs started to give out and started walking with Willow in tow still holding my bloodied hand.
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I was completely drained, both emotionally and physically. Like an invalid, I didn’t even have the energy to undress myself. Willow, bless her heart, took care of me like a loving mother would look after a sickly child. She un-dressed me, bathed me, washed my hair so it wouldn’t stain from the blood.

She did all this and never complained, not even once. From the task of removing the chunks of demon remains stuck and matted to my hair and scalp, to tending to my bruised and bloodied knuckles.

When she was satisfied with the needs to my body, she then tended to my mind and soul. Wrapping me up in a warm robe she sat me down, picked up a hair brush and began to lovingly untangle my hair. Using long and gentle strokes, she slowly brushed my hair without saying a single word. The act in itself was mesmerizing, invigorating and soothing with the slow languorous way she brushed it until it shined.

From her own experience she knew the place I was at, having been there not so long ago herself. It had seemed like another lifetime ago. So much had changed since then and yet the more things changed, the more they stayed the same.

Slowly, I was becoming more mentally aware, coming out of my haze of self imposed isolation.

I suppose Willow was afraid that I would mentally withdraw back into myself, as I had in the past, where I wouldn’t be forced to face reality. I probably would have if not for the fact that I didn’t know what had happened to Angel and Spike and I WANTED ANSWERS!

Not only to the obvious questions such as why the army held back during the battle, why they weren’t using any weapons against those demons they were fighting with earlier but more importantly why Riley didn’t contact me before all hell broke loose around Angel’s shoulders.

Inhaling deeply and then exhaling slowly, I turned around to look at Willow and stared straight into her eyes. We spoke volumes to each other in that moment without uttering a single word.

Coming to an unspoken understanding to see this through to the end, we both got up and got dressed in the clothes left for us by a female soldier. It was your regular run of the mill, basic black, standard issue, inconspicuous and functional clothes that the initiative soldiers wore. In my current state of mind, they suited my purposes just fine to match my no-nonsense mood.

Riley had a man posted outside waiting to take us to him and we followed him to another trailer where Riley met us at the door. “Ready for some answers Buffy?”

Nodding my head in reply, Riley then proceeded to lead us inside where I came face to face with the one person I had wished to never, ever see again in my entire lifetime.

Tbc…

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Reference made to poem written by Brian Preble - “If Wishes Were Horses”

For those who appreciate poetry – I’m including it as follows:

If Wishes Were Horses by Brian Preble

"If wishes were horses"
Tis a thought I well know
"Beggars would ride"
But where would they go?
To sun-speckled pools
The dappled mares go
They race up high mountains
To dance in the snow

"If wishes were horses"
I know where I'd ride
For a fortnight I'd travel
To be by your side
I'd crash through your office
"On the twenty-first floor?"
Lift you up to the saddle
And race out the door

And then up the walls of the world
We would race
Laughing and singing
Feel the wind in your face?
Through star-studded meadows
Our stallion he flies
And we'd stop 'neath an elm tree
And I'd gaze in your eyes

"If wishes were horses"
They are love, they are!
"Beggars would ride"
So let's head for the stars
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ALSO AN OLD PROVERB AS FOLLOWS:

If wishes were horses,
Beggars would ride
If turnips were swords,
I'd wear one by my side
If “if's” an “and's” were pots and pans,
There'd be no need for tinkers' hands