Healing

Part 9

Xander forced himself to shower and eat before heading out to find Spike. He was pretty sure the vampire had fled back to his crypt, where else was there for him to go after all? He shoved a couple of blood bags into his coat pocket and headed out.

On the walk over to the cemetery, Xander decided to lay things out on the table. He would be honest with Spike, tell him that he had been wanting to do that for some time now, and that even though he knows it won't happen again he doesn't regret it. Hopefully they will be able to work this thing out and remain friends. Besides all that, Spike still needed him, he wasn't ready to face things on his own yet.

Xander hesitated outside Spike's door, maybe he should wait and see what Spike has to say before he spoke. If there were any chance at all that Spike was interested in him, in a more than just friends capacity, he didn't want to blow it by opening his big mouth.

Spike sensed Xander standing outside, he wondered why he wasn't coming in. Xander must still want him around if he came here after him. Maybe he hadn't screwed things up between them. Xander was a guy after all, sex didn't have to mean anything to guys. A shag was just a shag, and he had said he wanted him before all this. Only one way to figure this out, Spike climbed up into the main part of the crypt.

"I know you're out there, Xander. You may as well come in."

Xander pushed the door open and came inside. He gave Spike a lopsided grin. The two men just stood staring at each other for long moments. Finally Xander broke the silence.

"Spike, I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Why? You didn't do anything."

"Last night. I shouldn't have pushed. You told me to stop you and I didn't. I took advantage of a bad situation and I scared you off."

"No, you didn't take advantage. You acted like a friend, you saw me hurting and did what you had to, to make it stop. I just... It wasn't right, for either of us. Not like that."

"I know. I was only trying to help, I hope you know that. I would never do that otherwise, not like that."

"Okay. So we're good then? No more acting like froofy wankers over this?"

Xander grinned and nodded. He pulled out the blood bags and tossed them to the vampire.

"I figured you ran out without breakfast, so I brought some along."

"Ta mate. I'm bloody starved."

"So... Are you coming home? Or are you staying here?"

"Home? This is home for me mate."

"It doesn't have to be, I... I like having you around."

"You asking me to move in?"

"Yeah, I am."

"But what about..."

"Last night has nothing to do with it. I hate being alone, you hate being alone, we're friends right? Why not?"

"Just like that?"

"Just like that. No strings. Just friends."

"Okay. Yeah, 'sides this place has really fallen apart since the last time I was here."

Xander looked around at the crypt that Spike had called home for the past couple of years, it didn't look any different to him. Perhaps Spike was just used to living at Xander’s now, and that's why this place seemed so bad. Either way, Xander wasn't going to tell him that. He was just glad that Spike was coming home and that he hadn't lost his friend over the events of the previous night.

"We should call Giles and tell about him about the demon, get Buffy out there to kick its' ass so we don't have to worry about it anymore."

"Good idea, just leave off the part about me getting skewered eh? Rupert will likely know the results of that."

"Right, don't want to give him anything else to think about."

"Too bloody right! I'm still wondering why he hasn't cornered me about the night of the Zhurk'thang demon."

"Because I told him to drop it; that it was none of his business. He wasn't too happy about it but he hasn't mentioned it since."

Well, that was an interesting new development. Spike never figured that Xander would go up against the watcher for him. The man was like a father to those children, better than a father as far as Xander were concerned. Maybe, just maybe, falling for the boy wasn't such a bad mistake after all. He did seem to have Spike's best interests at heart. And besides that, the demon reminded himself, he was a hell of a good shag.

"So, you wanna hang out here 'till sunset or you wanna leave now?"

"Hmm, spend the day in a musty old crypt or fry to a crisp? Tough choice luv, but I think I'll avoid the whole sun tan issue."

"Spike, you dork. How did you get here?"

"Tunnels. Right. I'll meet you back at the apartment then?"

"Sounds like a plan. See you there in a bit, we'll come back tonight with the car to get your stuff."

"Okay."

Xander walked back out into the sunlight and Spike headed for the sewer access in the basement of his crypt. He stopped before opening it and looked around the place one last time. He wouldn't miss it. There were no happy memories for him here, no feeling of safety or security. Nope, his happiness and safety were directly linked to one dark-haired, well-built, extremely protective, beautiful man. A slayerette no less, could his unlife be any more fucked up? Not likely, but on the Hell mouth it was never a good idea to voice questions like that. That was why he only thought them.

Xander walked back to his apartment with a skip in his step and a song in his heart. And for a change the song wasn't country or depressing. Spike was coming back, had agreed to move in with him and was okay about what had happened. Xander hoped that meant he had a chance with the blonde, he was starting to fall for the vampire, and fall hard.

Xander got back to the apartment first and set about remaking the bed. The sheets still smelled of sex and a change was definitely in order. By the time Xander finished changing the sheets and making the bed, Spike had arrived. Neither said anything about the events of the night before, Spike headed for the shower and Xander took the bedding to the laundry room to wash it.

When Spike emerged from the shower he wandered into the bedroom and froze. The scent of sex still lingered in the air, it was at once both arousing and humiliating. As a master vampire, Spike hating not being in control of his faculties. What happened last night was unacceptable to the blonde. Not the sex per say, 'cause forced or not, it was good, very good. It was the lack of control, the need to surrender to urges that were not of his making. Xander had been very understanding, and the participation had been a good thing, 'cause Spike doubted that even the chip frying his brain would have been enough to override the urge to mate. It was in a word... Scary.

By the time Xander re-entered the apartment Spike was showered, dressed and sipping a mug of blood in front of the TV. Xander had stayed in the laundry room while the sheets washed. He needed the time to put his thoughts in order, as well as control his raging libido. Just the knowledge that Spike would be naked, wet, and soapy in the shower was enough to make him flee the apartment until he could gain control of himself. Regardless of last night, Spike had been hurt recently, and hurt badly. He needed to remember that and treat his new roomie accordingly. Spike needed reassurance and friendly contact. Not lust and roaming hands.

"What are you watching?"

"Tractor-pull."

"Huh?"

"Tractor-pull. Are you deaf?"

"No. Just never figured you for such a red-neck activity."

"Never actually saw one before, wondered what all the fuss was about."

"And?"

"It's bloody stupid if you ask me. I don't see the point; drag a heavy thing as far as you can and hope no one else can drag it further."

"'Bout sums it up. Wanna change the channel?"

"Sure luv, what to?"

"Crocodile Hunter starts in a minute."

"I like that show, can't wait for the day the crazy bugger gets eaten, great bloody episode that one'll be."

"I doubt they'll air that particular episode, Spike. Death by large reptile isn't exactly network material."

"Yeah but the bootleg videos will make a bloody fortune."

"Oh hey, look. He's doing a special on snakes."

"Mmm, I should feel jealous they can still use their fangs."

Xander didn't how to reply to that remark so he just pretended to be engrossed in the show and Steve’s' monologue. He had, in the past couple weeks, come to know the blonde vampire on a level that he doubted any one aside from Dru and perhaps Angel had ever known him. 'Spike' was crass, obnoxious, loud, rude, annoying and just plain mean. 'William' on the other hand was the complete opposite and Xander was almost sure that William made up more of the vampire than Spike did. It was the same for Xander, he had many masks as well. There was the one he wore for his friends - the Zeppo, the one he wore for combat - the soldier, and the one he wore for his parents when he had to see them - the dutiful coward. He was more than he appeared to be, so why couldn't Spike be more than what he appeared to be?

Xander already knew that Spike's bloodlust and rage had been in control of him for most of his existence, but that he'd had to master them over the past couple years. He assumed, before he'd gotten to know the vampire, that as soon as the chip malfunctioned - and it would eventually - that Spike would follow through on his early threats and kill them all. Now, since getting to know him, he wasn't so sure. He knew that he was safe from Spike's fangs, he'd been told so. But he was pretty sure the others were safe as well. Spike liked to talk a tough game, and was more than capable of killing them if he wanted to, Xander just didn't really think Spike wanted to anymore. They were the closest thing he had had to friends for the past two years. If the Scoobies were still around when the chip stopped working Spike would likely leave town and leave them alone.

Xander knew he would miss the vampire if that were to happen. He genuinely liked the blonde, even if they never became more than friends Xander wanted him to be a part of his life, a part of his future. It was a depressing thought actually, having a future where Spike was not a part of it. He realized that falling might be the wrong term for his feelings for Spike. He wasn't falling, he had already fell. He was in love. With Spike.

Spike noticed Xander space out, he wondered what the other man was thinking about because it certainly wasn't about snakes. Not by the goofy grin on his face, unless there was something utterly wrong about the lad. He assumed he could be thinking about the events of last night, God knew he had run through them a dozen times or so today. Just thinking about it Spike could almost feel Xander’s hot, wet, mouth sucking him down to the root, his tongue caressing the underside of his cock, the feel of his snug warm channel as he rode him hard and fast.

"Gah!"

Spike hadn't realized he'd spoken or that he'd lurched to his feet until Xander looked up at him with a questioning expression.

"Sorry mate, just... "

Spike growled and left the room. Xander heard the bathroom door close.

"Weird, vamps don't use the bathroom."