The Brink Of Your Mind

Kiss Of Shadows
A/N: i tried something a little bit different here. still does on with my original story plan, but... check it out. what'd you think?


“You should probably get outta the rain you know.” Faith swung her head around and took in the shimmering ghost like apparition of the blonde slayer, giving her half a smile before turning back to her task. She was currently walking across a fallen tree trunk that while it’d been completely uprooted, hadn’t actually managed to reach the ground. She guessed she was a good ten or so feet from the solid earth below.

“Probably yeah.” Turning herself she dropped her feet out from underneath her and landed on the trunk, bracing herself with her hands and crossing her ankles. “But I kinda like the rain.”

“The phone died.” Faith watched with curious eyes as Buffy slowly climbed her way up onto the tree, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as she watched the smaller woman creating little patterns across the log as she danced towards her. It’s not as if she’d die if she fell though, is it?

“Yeah. Shit like that happens in the real world sometimes.” She shrugged, turning her eyes away and looking out of the forest. Her sight lingering on the heavy rain as it splattered the floor, so hard at times that the leaves that had made the dirt their home jumped and twisted in the air, before coming back down to rest again. It was like watching nature dancing with itself. Beautiful really.

“We didn’t get to finish talking.”

“Yeah. Not that I had a damn clue what to say to you after that.” She shifted as Buffy sat down next to her, wanting so much to reach out and touch the girl beside her that her muscles ached with their longing intensity.

“Maybe you don’t have to say anything.” Faith shot her and extremely confused look. “I haven’t told you all the details of my childhood. But if you wanna know, all you have to do is ask me. I’ll tell you anything you wanna know.”

“So you’re saying, what? That it’s not the actual telling that’s important, just the fact that I’m willing to do it?”

“Pretty much.”

She shook her head, tendrils of her hair having curled in the rain hitting her softly on the cheeks as she did so. “I don’t get you b. you confuse the hell outta me. First you tell me that maybe you just need to know, and now you’re telling me that I don’t? Blondes; I’ll never understand ‘em.”

Buffy chuckled, holding out her hand to the rain and watching in fascination as the water just went straight through her fingers. Literally. “It’s not about the telling. It’s about the trusting enough to tell. The promise of something is sometimes so much more meaningful than the something itself.”

“When did you get so cryptic?”

The blonde chuckled, pulling her hand back in and resting it in her lap, turning her head to look at the darker slayer. “So many people seem to enjoy being cryptic, I figured I’d give it a go.”

“Well don’t, it’s annoying as hell.”

“Isn’t it though?” a silence settled between them, both of them watching the world around them as it was being washed clean by the rain, endlessly hypnotised with the feeling of being so close to each other, and not being close at all.

“So how did you know?”

“What?”

“About my dad.”

“Ah. I got a visit from someone. In my head. It scared me. But I’ve seen what makes you call out in the night; I know what it is that you hide from. But what scares me more, is that I’ll never get anywhere near you, if you think of me like that.”

“Like what?”

“A monster. Someone who’s gonna use up all of your secrets, just to have some form of power over you. I don’t what that power Faith. I have enough of my own. I could do with another friend though.” This wasn’t about the friendship that could happen, this was about a past that Faith would rather forget. Would rather do with it what she’s always done with it; hide it. Bottle it up and push it away. If you don’t think about it, maybe it was all just a very bad dream. Despite the fact that she had some visible scars that proved to her that yes, it was all real, and no, it wasn’t all going away.

Buffy wasn’t just asking for friendship from her, for trust, for all her little secrets. What she was asking for was for Faith to not forget her past, but to face it. Force herself to go through all the emotional crap that’s supposed to come with facing your deepest fears. All the heartache and pain, all that rage, to feel it, live through it, deal with it and maybe, just maybe, she could eventually forgive herself.

“You have no idea what you’re asking me to do.”

“Faith.” She didn’t move. “Faith, please, look at me.” She didn’t. Didn’t turn her head, didn’t want to look into those endless green eyes, didn’t want to see whatever was in them. Didn’t wanna know what was coming next. “Faith, look at me.”

“No.”

“I need you to look at me. I’m not gonna hurt you. I’ll never hurt you if I can help it.”

“What?!” the bubble of anger burst forth and jerked her head to look at her slaying partner.

“It’s not your fault.” She blinked, not expecting that.

“I know.”

“No, you don’t. It’s not your fault.”

“I know.” Faith nodded her head and looked at Buffy as if she were crazy.

“It’s not your fault. Faith, it’s not your fault.”

“Stop it. Don’t fuck with me B ok? Not you.” The hand that had let the rain pass through it not five minutes ago reached up and took hold of Faith’s chin, turning those baby browns back to her and looking deep into them.

“It’s not your fault.” Faith could feel it, the vacuum she created so easily inside of herself, the one place she never went because she knew what was held within it, she could feel it start to crack, under the gaze of the beautiful woman beside her. The person who had let herself dream if only so she could find Faith all the way out here, the woman who was holding out her hand in trust, in friendship, offering her unspoken help.

And with the cracking of the cage she’d so effortlessly constructed around herself, she could feel the pain. A sharp stabbing that started to pierce her chest, causing a ball of tears to form in the back of her throat, to cause her breathe to stumble in her chest as she tried to breath steadily, tried to hold on to the tears she knew she could no longer stop from falling.

No one had ever taken the time to look beyond the walls she carefully constructed around herself, or to see that while she cloaked herself in the darkness that was so willing to accept her, so comforting as it shrouded her from the peace of letting go, she so desperately wanted to walk in the light, to feel it warming her face.

No one except Buffy.

“It’s not your fault.” She pushed against the hands that were reaching out to her, fighting the hand of acceptance that called out for her to take, and felt those tears as they tumbled from her eyes and mingled with the rain as they spewed themselves from her very soul.

“It’s not your fault.” A sob burst forth, ringing out against the trees with it’s force, rocking her entire body as she lurched forward and fell willingly into the arms that held themselves open for her. She felt the solid form of Buffy beneath her head, that she wrapped her arms around. Could feel the slightly scratchy texture of the tank top she’d fallen asleep in underneath her cheek.

She painful sobs rushed through her chest, jerking her harshly against Buffy as she held on so desperately to the only thing that, while wasn’t completely real to her, was the truest thing she could hold on to right now.

The power of her tears slowly drained her, causing her eyes to become heavy and leaded with sleep until she finally closed her eyes and drifted off into a world where no dreams exist, and nothing can harm you as you fell.

~ ~ ~

The moment Faith’s tears had become a real and corporeal thing, the very second that Faith had grabbed hold of her so tightly that the breathe was stolen from her body, was the very second that Buffy woke up. To find herself actually sitting on that tree, her arms wrapped as tightly around the dark slayer as she could possibly hold, while the girl painfully cried herself to sleep.

What the fuck? She thought she’d just been dreaming all those encounters. Apparently, the hellmouth had other ideas. Or maybe it was Luc. Or god, it could have even been the slayer inside of them both, twisting them to it’s will.

Who the fuck knew. Who the fuck cared?

But she figured she better figure out a way to get them both off this tree and into Faith’s tent before both of them caught pneumonia because of the rain.

She gently shifted, noticing that Faith was very much like a rag doll right now, sleeping the sleep of the emotionally exhausted. Which she could understand, she’d been there many times herself. She quickly brought Faith completely into her lap, cradling her body against her own, before jumping off the edge, and landing quietly upon the floor below.

It took her twenty minutes to locate the small stream and the tent Faith had set up, but it was as she was taking off Faith sodden clothes that she wondered what she should do now.

Should she leave her to wake on her own? She probably hadn’t even realised that Buffy was actually here. Or should she stay, watching guard over the dark slayer as she slumbered?

She decided to stay. After all, why would she suddenly become solid, if she wasn’t meant to be here?

As she zipped the tent up and settled herself into one of the corners, her eyes flickered over Faith’s face, noticing that while in sleep she seemed so much younger than she did while she was awake.

She just hoped that she wouldn’t freak out when she finally woke up.


To Be Continued