The Shy Librarian

Chapter 8

Buffy walked up the driveway to her house and opened the front door.

“Buffy you’re home early,” said her mother looking up from the papers she was perusing on the dining room table.

“Yeah, the band didn’t show so it was kinda boring…and I am really sleepy. I am gonna get an early night,” said Buffy faking a yawn.

“Okay, maybe a good night’s sleep is in order. I wouldn’t be much company for you anyway, I have a stack load of invoices to work through,” said
Joyce

Buffy walked up the stairs, her face crumpled. She dashed the tears away. Angry with herself, and with William and even Angel for making her react this way. At that particular moment in time, she wished all of the male species to hell.

She lay down on her bed, not bothering to switch on the light as she stared into the darkness…

* * * * * * * * * * *

William drove the car away from Buffy. In his driving mirror, he could see her still standing there. It was the hardest thing he had ever done in his life, to keep on driving. Especially when all he had really wanted to do was get on his knees and beg for her forgiveness.

He was still in shock at her confession. It was hard to believe she was actually still a virgin. She certainly didn’t behave virginally, not by the things she had done with him. He knew she was telling the truth, there was no way she could fake the fear he had read in her eyes. He had ruined it all and had almost fucked her on the hood of his uncle’s car like some cheap whore and why? He asked himself. All because of a little green eyed monster called jealousy his inner voice mocked him.

William pulled up at a liquor store. He was in desperate need of pain relief, and only the sort that could be found at the bottom of a whiskey bottle.

He paid for what he needed and continued on his journey home. He arrived outside his uncle’s house, removed the brown paper bag from the bottle and opened it. Taking a large gulp and coughing as the whiskey burned all the way down to his stomach. William took a few more swigs until he felt the alcohol begin to take effect.

He slammed the car door shut and entered the house. Knocking back more of the cheap whiskey, he staggered into the lounge.

“Hello Rupes,” he slurred.

“William, are you drunk?” asked Giles, shocked.

“Yeah, and it’s bloody great! Here have a swig,” said William offering his uncle the bottle.

“No thank you. I think I’ll pass,” said Giles

“You really need to loosen up and live a little,”

Giles struggled to his feet with his crutches, hobbled over to William, and guided him to an armchair.

“What ever is wrong you wont find the solution in here,” said Giles, snatching the bottle out of his nephew’s hand.

“It was working pretty good up until now…she must hate me,” groaned William.

“She? This is about a woman…is it that girl you are seeing?” asked Giles.

“Well I don’t see any other takers beating down my door for a piece of me,” said William derisively.

“And this will help?” he asked holding up the half empty bottle. “I think it’s about time we had a talk, don’t you.”

“If you insist,” said William indifferently way past caring.

“You’ve been seeing one of the students, haven’t you William?” asked his uncle.

William looked at Giles bleary eyed.

“How did you know?” asked William in shock.

“Call it intuition. Are you having sex with a minor William?”

“She’s not a minor, or at least I don’t think she is,” he frowned

“Who is it?” asked Giles.

“Now, now you didn’t say the magic word,” said William, putting out a finger to tap his nose and missing by inches.

“You are playing a dangerous game here William…if Principle Flootie finds out…”

“Fuck him, it doesn’t matter anymore uncle. After tonight she won’t want to see me again anyway,” said William

“What happened?” Asked Giles

“Don’t want to talk about it, and if you don’t mind…” said William snatching the remainder of the bottle of whiskey from his uncle’s grasp. “I intend to finish this in the privacy of my own room,”

William walked off upstairs, leaving a very anxious Giles in his wake.

“William you are a fool…any village idiot can see it’s already too late for you boy. Love has bitten you hard,” sighed Giles.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Buffy tossed and turned in her bed; sleep was refusing to come to her. She thumped the pillow for the hundredth time. Looking at the bedside clock she got up and switched on her stereo, hoping a little music would lull her to sleep. Buffy lay back down in her bed and studied the patterns of the wallpaper in the moonlight.

William was a complicated multifaceted creature. The more she knew of him the more she loved him. Now all she needed to do was convince him of that love…and that even if love didn’t conqueror all things, it made life a whole lot better with the right person.

Buffy closed her eyes, listening to the music…

If I’m not in love with you…what is this I’m going through tonight…
And if I don’t need your touch, why do I miss you so much, tonight

Buffy picked her stuffed pink pig off her bed and threw it at the stereo. She angrily got up and switched it off again.

“Dammit, why do crappy heartbreak songs always come on when you feel at your worst,” she sobbed as she changed into her jeans and and t-shirt, opened her bedroom window, and climbed out.

She took the short walk to Willow’s house at a run, afraid of bumping into Sunnydale’s less reputable characters at this late hour. There was evidence of the soft glow of a lamp shining from Willow’s window. Buffy picked up a small stone and threw it at her friend’s window. A few seconds later Willow opened her bedroom window and looked out.

“Hello?” she said warily.

“Will, it’s me,” hissed Buffy.

“Buffy? Do you know what time it is?” asked Willow.

“Yes mom,” Buffy replied teasingly. “Now are you gonna come down?”

“Okay, but we have to be quiet. My parents are asleep,” said Willow.

Buffy sat down on the front porch, waiting for her friend to appear. Willow opened the door and sat down next to Buffy, tightly wrapped in a blanket.

“What’s so urgent that you have to beat down my door…er…window at two in the morning?” asked Willow.

“It’s me and Mr Giles. Oh Willow I love him so much, but I don’t know what to do…and we almost had sex on the hood of his car tonight…but”

“Buffy before you say another word please tell me you are talking about the younger Mr Giles,” said Willow urgently.

“Ew Willow, what goes on in that sick mind of yours? You’ve been spending way too much time with Xander! Of course it’s William,” shuddered Buffy.

“Oh thank God, it’s just when you said Mr Giles…” said Willow in relief.

“Off topic Will. William and I had a huge bust up because he saw me with Angel this afternoon. I didn’t tell him that I was meeting Angel and he saw us kiss,” said Buffy.

“Who? Angel saw you kiss William?” asked Willow.

“No Angel saw William and I doing stuff and William saw me kissing Angel…okay I’m not making a lot of sense here,” sighed Buffy.

“Sounds like you had a busy day,” said Willow uneasily.

“It’s not as bad as it sounds. Well you know that I have been doing things with William, Angel spied on us. Later Angel caught up with me in the hall and asked me to meet him. When I was talking to Angel…I got a bit upset and he comforted me and made me confess my true feelings for William. I sort of gave him a quick meaningless platonic kiss on the lips, which William saw and got all mad about. Clear yet?”

“About as clear as mud, but I think I’m getting ya,” said Willow.

“Any way, things kind of got out of hand with me and William, hence the almost having of sex on the car. Now he hates himself and says I have to stay away from him…but I can't Will. I love him and I need him. What happened tonight was just as much my fault as it was his. What am I gonna do?” asked Buffy tearfully.

“You’re asking me? I hardly think I qualify for relationship guidance Buffy,” said Willow. “I‘ve been lusting after Xander for years and look where it's gotten me,”

“It’s okay Willow I just needed someone to talk to. You never know Xander may just see the real you behind the best friend you. You guys are going to prom together aren’t you?” asked Buffy.

“Yeah, we made this pact in second grade that if neither of us had dates for senior prom then we would go together,”

“Look I’d better go before my mom finds out I am missing and calls the cops or something,” said Buffy.

“Sorry I couldn’t be more help,”

“That you were here for me is enough,” Buffy smiled.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

William woke with a groan. The sunlight that seeped through the drapes sent a thousand shards of pain to his brain. He turned over and put a pillow over his head to block out its rays.

A few seconds later, the alarm went off. He reached over and smashed his fist against the offending noisemaker.

“William? William! It’s time you got up. You will be late for your job,” called Giles from downstairs.

“Be right down,” said William, slowly rising from the bed.

He eyed the empty whiskey bottle on the floor distastefully, walked over to the mirror, and looked at himself. He looked like a wreck. His eyes were all puffy and bloodshot.

He staggered into the shower, setting it at cold. Needing icy water to awaken his senses, and then he quickly dressed. This time in his grey suit, the one he had worn the first day at the school, having had it returned from the cleaners.

As he walked down the stairs, he could smell the aroma of frying bacon. William actually felt himself turn several shades of green. He was surprised to see that the table was set for breakfast as he usually did it.

Giles hobbled out of the kitchen and sat down at the table.

“If you could bring the breakfast in. I couldn’t manage the plates too…well not without spilling everything. Also there’s some extra strong coffee brewing,” said Giles

William sucked in a breath and disappeared into the kitchen, returning with a tray laden with food and a coffee pot. He could feel the sheen of sweat as it broke out on his forehead, his stomach churned in protest.

He sat at the table eying the fried breakfast as if it were poison. Giles attacked his food with enthusiasm. William could take it no longer, putting a hand to his mouth; he rushed upstairs to the bathroom. Too busy retching over the toilet bowl to hear is uncle’s chuckle of laughter.

“Well I don’t think we will have a repeat performance of last night any time soon,” smiled Giles to himself as he continued eating.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Buffy got a ride to high school with her friends that morning. She wasn’t quite ready to face William so soon after last night. Her resolve was unswerving…at least until morning recess.

She sat on a wall waiting for Willow and Xander to show, she kicked at a stone with the toe of her shoe. A shadow crossed her path. She looked up with a smile on her face, which soon faded as she saw whom it was.

Harmony was standing there with her hands on her hips, flanked by Cordelia and another nameless member of Harmony’s sheep brigade.

“I hear you were making out on the bleachers with Angel yesterday,” she said.

“What ever Harm,” said Buffy uninterestedly.

Buffy never failed to be surprised just how quickly gossip spread around here. She just didn’t care enough to care anymore. She had been the victim of so many barbs and innuendoes the last few weeks that she realised just how little her fellow peers opinion really meant to her.

“So are all three of you getting back together anytime soon?” asked Cordelia.

Buffy studied her fingernails.

“Yeah…maybe, it's been at least a week since my last gang bang,” said Buffy sarcastically

“Keep your hands off of Angel,” said Harmony angrily. “Now that he’s broken up with you, I have a shot at him. I’m gonna get him to take me to prom,”

Buffy stifled her laughter at Harmony’s presumptions.

“Go for it, you have my total support Harm,” smirked Buffy.

Harmony looked at Buffy open mouthed, momentarily speechless.

“Thanks Buffy,” She turned to Cordy, “Maybe you can work on Riley,”

“Sounds like a great plan,” beamed Buffy, as she got off the wall on seeing Willow and Xander approaching.

“You okay Buff? Those bitches from hell weren’t giving you a hard time?” asked Willow in concern.

“Not in the least. They have given me a real happy,” grinned Buffy.

Buffy looked at Xander, catching a faraway look on his face.

“You can stop with the naughty thoughts already Xander Harris. I didn’t mean ‘happy’ in that way,” said Buffy as she playfully slapped his arm.

“How are you holding up? Have you seen him yet?” asked Willow, reading the faintly haunted look in her friend’s eyes.

“Him who? You haven’t started up with Angel again have you Buff? I would have thought the same sex orientation was a bit of problem,” said Xander.

“Don’t be such a spaz Xander. Look I have to go somewhere before the end of recess,”

“Want us to come with?” asked Willow.

“No that’s okay, it’s a little library related problem I have to sort out on my own,” sighed Buffy.

“Are you girls like talking in some kinda code here, cos you’re not making much sense to me,” said Xander.

“You’re a boy Xander, you’re not supposed to understand us,” smiled Willow.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Buffy entered the gloomy library; she got as far as William’s office and almost turned and fled. Her heart was beating so fast. All the blinds were closed, but Buffy could see him through a tiny crack.

He looked so tired and there was an expression of intense sadness on his face. She watched him run his hands through his short brown curls. It was a gesture of his that she had become very familiar with over the past few days. He let out a big sigh and returned his attention back to the notes on his desk.

Buffy turned the handle on the door, his head instantly shot up at the sound. Buffy tried to open the door, but he had secured it. She rattled at the door, but it would not budge.

“William?” she called out.

“Buffy, I meant what I said last night. I can’t see you, I don’t trust myself to behave,” groaned William.

“Can’t we at least talk?”

“Talking seems to be the last thing on our minds when we are alone. I don’t think our first real time together should be me doing you on a desk,”

Buffy felt hope spring in her breast at his words. He still thought in terms of them having a first time together? Also the idea of herself bent over the desk while William pounded into her from behind was getting her more than a little hot. Buffy shook off her naughty thoughts, shelving the idea for future reference.

“I need to tell you something…” she pleaded.

There was a continued silence as Buffy saw him put his hands over his ears in a childish gesture to block out the sound of her voice.

“Fine, but you will listen William. What we have is something that you don’t just walk away from. You have made me feel more in these past few days than Angel made me feel in years,” said Buffy as she walked off out of the library with fresh purpose, an idea already forming in her mind.

Although William had covered his ears, he had still been able to hear every word she had spoken. He got up from his desk and opened the door, but she had already gone.

TBC