Therapy

Chapter 8/Therapy
Disclaimer in chapter 1


Saturday morning at 9 am Willow stomped into Jule's office. Slamming the door behind her in a rage. Jule came out of her office surprised.

"I'm just here to cancel an appointment," she snarled.

"Oh do you need to reschedule?" asked Jule.

"NO I don't need to reschedule, after what you've done to my friend I neo cao cancel, you can't help her, I don't need your kind of help. I need you to just go away." She shrieked.

"If you're this emotional about an appointment I think you really need to see someone if not me Miss???" Jule offered.

"Rosenberg, Willow Rosenberg."

Jule off her her hand "Nice to met you face to face."

Willow shook her hand ungraciously.

Jule's eyes snapped open. "I don't think you want to do that, the last time you endangered all your friends and your lover. Or have you forgotten?"

Willow cowered, "DO what? What do you mean?"

"Your 'forget spell' " Jule stared at her.

"How do you know about that and how do you know what I was thinking?"

"Surely Buffy or Tara one told you that I am a 'tactile empath with precognitive ESP', didn't they?"

" I just thought... they said you couldn't read minds."

"I can read your public thoughts, and that one is right there in front screaming to get out, but I really think you and I need to talk now not next week. Please come on back, I don't want you to lose all you have worked so hard to accomplish." Jule beguiled.

"Oh all right," Willow followed her back.

"Would you like a cup of tea? I just made a pot," asked Jule.

"Please and Thank you." Muttered Willow.

They both poured a cup and settled down in the big chairs.

"This is good, Chamomile?" asked Willow.

"Yes. What on earth has you in such an uproar and why are you blaming me?" Jule quizzed the red headed Wiccan.

" You told Buffy to cut off all her friends."

" I can't discuss my clients with you. That would be a breech of their faith. But why do think I told her that?"

" After she came to see you she's all, my concerns are for Dawn and me. The gang is not my problem." Sulked Willow.

" After all I've done for her, she's throwing me out. I brought her back; I lost Tara trying to help her. She's turned so hard and mean. Only after she came to see you though." Willow sobbed.

" So let me get this straight, because she has decided to simplify her life and concentrate on what is most important. To let her adult friend become adult and handle their own lives, I'm to blame?" Jule asked.

"Buffy needs us and we need Buffy, She was dead, she was in a hell dimension and I brought her back." Stressed Willow.

"Was she in a hell dimension? Or did you even think about it. She died as a warrior of the Powers That Be. She was fulfilling her duty. Do you really believe that they would allow her to be tormented?"

"I didn't know she was in heaven, she jumped into a portal to hell. Angel was sucked into hell."

" Angel and his body were sucked into hell, Buffy's body stayed behind, to allow you to grieve, and to lay her to Rest." Jule said.

"I didn't know that, and I've apologized but she doesn't hear me, and she won't forgive me. It's like she's deaf to anything I say."

" Are you hearing what she says? Do you ever stop and listen to others? Did you stop and listen to your lover, or do you just act first, never thinking?"

"I do think, I think of ways to help my friends."

" You still are not listening, I asked do you think first?"

"Yes I think first, I am really very intelligent."

"There is a difference between thought and intelligence. Intelligence is the ability to absorb knowledge. Thought is the ability to use what you see, know and feel to make a decision that will affect not only you but also those around you." Jule stated. "How old are you? 21?"

" I do think about others. I try to keep them from hurting and getting hurt."

"Willow we only grow when we experience life, that includes the pain that comes from living and handling our mistakes."

"But I love them and I don't want them to hurt. I can stop their pain." Willow cried.

"You keep them dependent on you. You make them need you, wouldn't you rather they wanted you to be their friend, to want you and want to help you?"

"But they need me. I'm the 'Big Gun', I really very powerful. You know that even Giles if a little in awe of my power." She smirked.

"So they accept you because they fear you?"

"They don't fear me I'm their friend. I help them."

"Do you help when they ask, or do you help before they ask, before they try to handle it themselves?"

"Why do I need to wait for them to ask? I know what they need."

" Did you just say 'Why doeed eed to wait for them to ask? I know what they need' is that what I heard?" Jule looked thunderstruck.

Taka dea deep breath Jule continued, " Do you realize that even the 'Powers That Be' whether you call them God, Goddess, Allah or whatever give their followers, the faithful freedom of choice."

Staring at the witch she pressed on, "You do not allow those in your life any choice, mak make the choices for them. Do you really think and I do mean THINK that they are not afraid of you?"

"No they aren't afraid of me, I stopped using magic anyway." Whined Willow.

"Yes, but what did it take to make you stop?"

"It was Dawn's accident."

"Was it Dawn's accident, or your accident that hurt Dawn?"

"I didn't mean to hurt her, it was the demon that caused it."

"Who called the Demon?"

"Rack caused me to call it. He didn't warn me."

"Why did you go to Rack? Even I know he's black magic, pure evil."

"Amy said there wasn't any drain involved, I asked her if it was safe."

"And what was her reply?"

"She asked if it would make a difference, but then she said I was scared. I brought Buffy back. If weak little Amy can handle it, I sure can."

"Over confidence, Pride, are you familiar with the seven deadly sins? Pride, Gluttony, Lust, Greed,..."

Willow interrupted, "Yeah I know what they are, but I don't believe in them. I was raised Jewish. But now I'm a Wiccan."

"One of the strongest tenets of Wicca is to respect the natural order of life. Does making things happen the way you want respect that order?"

"You sound like Tara, if she'd only see that I am helping."

"Back to your helping. Are you waiting to be asked or are you so omnipotent that you assume to know what is best?"

"I know what my friends need." Raged Willow.

"Glory knew what the world needed. Why did you stop her?"

"Glory was a megalomaniac."

"Could you define that word?"

"It's someone who thinks they know enough and are strong enough to control to whole world or their entire sphere of life. Most often they are insane or blind to reality." Willow snapped.

"Willow, I want you to stop, take several deep breaths. Bring yourself almost to a meditative state now. We're both a little tense." Jule soothed.

" Before I ask you this next question, I want you to center on the definition you just gave me."

Willow visibly calmed down and began to breath slowly; Jule could see her reach that receptive state she needed.

Then in a calm sure voice she asked," What is the difference between Glory's way of thinking and the way you have been treating your friends and yourself?"

Willow seemed to collapse in on herself, like a balloon with a slow leak, sobs tore through the slim little red head, tears poured from her eyes.

"It's all my fault, its all my fault," she chanted over and over. She sat chanting and sobbing for nearly twenty minutes. Finally she raised her tear streaked and puffy face to stare into Jule's eyes. " How can I ever make it all up to them?" she asked.

" I think you need to make it up to yourself first. You need to find your way to a peace inside yourself. Talk to them and let them know that you finally see what it is you have done wrong. Acknowledge that the blame is yours. Accept it, deal with it, and learn from it. Don't' make promises that you can't keep." Jule offered.

"I think I understand. I have to change me first. I have to change the way I see life, and friendship. Maybe it is better if I move back into the dorm until I become sure of myself. I don't need to be a Wiccan Warrior; I need to be just plain old Willow. I see what Buffy was trying to say last night."

"Good! Now you can start to heal. We still have a lot of work to do. Do you still want to cancel?"

"OH no, I'll be here," sighed Willow

"Good. I look forward to seeing you on Monday morning then. Be careful."

Willow said good-bye and walked out into the bright Saturday sunshine.