I'm Sorry William

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I’m sorry William_8


“Spike…I want you to know…no matter what anyone says or thinks I don’t regret what happened. I am totally in love with you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life…”

“I know that now luv. I can feel it…” He pulled her hand towards himself and placed her palm flat against is chest. She could feel his heart beating faintly.

“Oh god Spike…oh my fucking god! Your heart is beating…”

“T’s not going to last Luv…It’s your blood that’s doing it…it’s…I can feel your love coursing through my veins.”

She had tears of happiness in her eyes as she pulled him towards her for another searing kiss. They made love over and over, re-affirming their commitment to one another.

“Sun’s setting Luv, we should get going…”

“Yeah…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dawn smiled happily when Buffy and Spike entered holding hands.

“Ok…We need to talk…everyone take a seat…” Everyone was there, awaiting the blonde couple’s arrival.

“What is going on Buffy?” Giles asked as he distractedly polished his glasses.

“I have some things to say.” She smiled at Spike and squeezed his hand for reassurance. “I am in love with Spike.” She glared at Giles when he looked like he was about to speak.

“I am not finished. Spike has been in love with me for a long time now. I chose to ignore it, thinking he couldn’t possibly have feelings…Sorry Spike..” She glanced at the shocked Vampire.

He hadn’t been expecting her to tell them all right there and then…at the first opportunity. “’S no problem Luv. As long as you love me now…” He smirked.

“Anyways as I was saying…all of you had the chance to see him when I was…when I …died. He has changed for good…He is a better man, soul or no soul he has real feelings and he makes me happy. Any objections…to bad. I will not listen and neither will Spike. And I WILL NOT tolerate anyone saying or doing anything hurtful to him. We are like one now. I mean that literally…Attack Spike…you attack me, I’d take it as a personal assault...last person I defended with my life, like I would Spike, is my sister…any questions?”

She glanced around at the shocked faces staring back at her and smiled. “Good. I’m glad we understand each other on that one.”

Spike pulled her closer and wrapped his arm around her. “You amaze me woman.” He whispered softly in her ear.

She leaned closer to him, smiling at his comment. She turned back to the assembled group. “Ok, on to the next thing…”

“Buffy…can we have a moment to…process what you’ve just said?” Giles asked quietly.

“Ok. Need a few minutes…no problem. Spike and I will go and make dinner.” She pulled him by the hand behind her into the kitchen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Does she mean what I think she means?” Dawn asked.

“It means she’ll kill …anyone…who goes after Spike…”

“I didn’t know he meant that much to her…” Xander said softly. “Even after our talk today Will…I just thought it was something she was going to get over…”

“You knew? You bloody well knew and none of you told me?” Giles ranted.

“Would you have listened Giles?” Willow piped in. “Besides…I’m her best friend and she didn’t tell me until this morning.”

“How long has this been going on?” Giles asked polishing his glasses heatedly.

“A while…Kinda since she came back…” Dawn answered.

“And nobody knew?” Giles questioned “Until today I mean?”

“I found out last night that she was going to talk to him…”

“Must have been a brilliant bloody talk…”

“That’s not fair you guys…none of you know what she’s been through since she’s been back. None of you. You can’t pass judgment on something you don’t understand.” Tara spoke clearly.

“And you do?” Xander snarked.

“It doesn’t matter what I know…all that matters is that she has told you now and she wants you all to be a part of her life…so if you don’t want to lose her…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Dinner’s ready…” Buffy said, poking her head in from the kitchen door. “You guys go sit…we’re going to bring it in.”

They sat talking quietly until everything had been broughtand and served.

“So…there was something else you wanted to mention?” Giles asked.

Buffy told them of her conversation with Mrs. Sheilds from the bank. Declining the offer’s from Giles and Xander for money, she told them that Spike was taking care of it. Each and every one of them kept their mouths shut.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m gonna go and do a quick patrol so you can get ready ok?” Spike pulled her close and kissed her softly on the shoulder. They had made plans to go to the bronze.

“You just going to meet us there?” She licked a path over his jad ind into his mouth.

“Mmmmmhhhhmmmm” He moaned into her mouth.

“Kay…love you…see you soon…” Buffy broke the kiss and went to get ready.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike didn’t even make it to the first cemetery. He was walking along, looking for a demon to fight when suddenly there was searing blinding pain in his head forcing him to grab his head and fall to his knees screaming in pain, blood pouring from his nose.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh god…NO!!!” Buffy screamed as she ran for the door. She almost knocked Xander down in her haste to make it to her mate’s side. She felt the agony he was in.

“Woah Buff…what’s wrong?” He saw the tears streaming down her face.

“Spike…” Was all she could say before she ran from the house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike tried to stand. He used a nearby tree for support; leaning against it he clutched his head moaning in agony.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘I’m coming Spike…hold on…hold on for me baby…’ She thought as she ran towards him. She could feel him, feel where he was and briefly wondered if it was due to him biting her. ‘The claiming? Cause I did accept it…maybe this is part of it? Maybe that’s why I can feel that he’s in pain…’

Xander was chasing her, following behind, but he kept her in his sights. Unsure what was going on he wanted to make sure she was ok.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Spike…Oh god…what happened?” She asked wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close to her.

“Buffy?”

“Yeah…It’s me baby…what happened?”

“Donno…one minute I was walking along…the next…the chip is firing and I’m on the ground.” He looked into her eyes with tears of pain in his eyes.

“What’s going on?” Xander asked finally reaching the couple.

“Spike …the chip. We have to get him to my house…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She made Spike comfortable in her bed, she brought a bowl of water and a cloth to clean the blood from his face. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She murmured when she had finished.

Spike only nodded, keeping his eyes closed tightly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey. How is he?” Willow asked as Buffy entered the kitchen.

”It’s bad Will…What am I gonna do?”

“We’ll find something Buffy…maybe it was just this once…are you sure he was alone when it happened? That he didn’t…you know go all “GRRRRR” on someone?”

Buffy glared furiously at her. “Look Will…you may not trust him fully, but I do. He wouldn’t…do that…not now…not when…”

“I’m sorry Buffy…I just had to ask…you know…”

“I know…Will, how much do you know about the chip?”

”Spike's chip? Well, I remember trying to dig up stuff back then, when they put it in but, you know, turns out, when a secret government agency studies vampires and puts chips in their brains that keep them from hurting people, they don't really build websites.”

”Something's wrong with it. And I don’t know how to fix it…I love him so much…I can’t lose him because of this…what if it goes off again? What if it k...k…kills him?” She asked fearfully. Tears welled up in her eyes.

“The chip is misfiring all on its own. Well this'll be fun.”

”Remember when things used to be nice and boring?”

”No.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy took a mug of blood up to him, leaving the scoobies to research.

“Spike? I brought you some blood, figured you could use it…” She called walking in through the door. She set the mug on the bedside table and sat on the bed beside him. She took his hand in hers and studied him; his eyes were closed as if in concentration.

Suddenly he ripped his hand out of her grasp and clutched his head screaming in agony, blood trickled from his nose, not as much as last time…but enough. Buffy sat helplessly, tears streaming down her face.

Just as quickly it was over and his blue eyes opened to regard her. “Popped another blood vessel, I think.”

She picked up the cloth she had used and cleaned him up again. ”There's gotta be a reason why the chip is going all wonky.” She said tears lacing her words.

“Or maybe I wasn't meant to last this long. One more thing you and I have in common, eh, pet?” He smiled softly at her.

“Don’t…Spike…don’t joke about this…I could lose you…and I can’t let that happen…not now…I have the guys researching.”

”Good. Tell them to try Behavioral Modification Software Throughout the Ages.”

An idea poppedo heo her head. “OK. You're right. Not a book thing. It's a phone thing.”

”Who you gonna call?” She looked at him. “God, that phrase is never gonna be useable again, is it?”

“Doubt it. I’ll be back Ok? Drink your blood.” She leaned over and kissed him softly on the mouth. “I love you.”

“I’m never going to get tired of hearing that Luv. In fact…if you don’t tell me quiteen…Ien…I may forget…quite old here you know…may be going senile…”

She smiled. “I love you. I love you. I love you. There that should get you through the five minutes I’ll be gone.” She turned and started for the door.

“Pet?” He waited for her to turn and look at him. “I love you.”

“I know.” She blew him a kiss as she left the room and shut the door softly behind herself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She picked up the phone, glancing at the small piece of folded paper she dialed. She waited for it to be picked up on the other end before speaking softly. “Yes, Agent Finn, Riley.”

”I’m sorry miss, this is a florist shop…there is no ‘Agent Finn’ Here…”

”No, no, Finn is his last name. Yeah. Well, did he used to work there and then he got transferred?”

“No miss as I’ve said this is a florist shop…you have the wrong number.”

“Oh, is this actually a flower shop, or is this one of those things where I'm supposed to play along to show that I know it's really secret ops? Oh, maybe I shouldn't have said that. Oh, OK, right. Well, if some guy named Finn shows up to buowerowers…can you tell him we’re having a problem with Spike’s chip?”

“No problem miss…Thank you and have a great day…”

“Yeah. Thanks.” She hung up the phone dejectedly and glanced at the assembled group. “Wrong number. Or a giant governmconsconspiracy, one or the…” She was interrupted by a scream from upstairs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Spike?” She ran into her room. She was so intent on getting to him, she didn’t notice all of them following her up.

”This one seemed easier than the others. See? Probably just gonna fade…” He screamed, holding his head again. He started going into convulsions. When those stoppedmoanmoaned “Gonna toss Luv…” She grabbed her waist basket and held it for him.

She smoothed his hair back gently. He lay there panting when it was over, not even enough strength left to open his eyes.

Buffy started to cry, heart wrenching sobbing gasps. It was torture for her to see him this way. “I…can’t…lose…you…please…” She laid her head os sis silent chest, trying to calm herself with his presence.

“So weak…” He murmured. He placed a gentle hand on her head, sliding his fingers through her hair.

“I know…I can feel it…I can feel you…you need blood…”

“Doesn’t help…”

“I mean…” She leaned over him pressing her throat to his mouth. “I mean my blood…”

H shook his head and tried to turn from her. ‘Not like this. Not cause you have to.’

She pressed her throat harder against him. “It will help…please Spike…” Spike, the man, nor the demon, could refuse her. He opened his mouth and let his fangs descend. He bit down gently, sucking softly at the blood flowing into his mouth.

Everyone stood there wide-eyed and slack jawed. Xander, furious at seeing Buffy offer her blood to him and Spike take it, started to push his way into the room to stop him from draining her dry.

Giles hand on his arm stopped him. Giles silentlook ook his head ‘no’ as spike withdrew his fangs.

Spike lathed the wound with his tongue, sealing it. He turned his head from her neck. “Lay with me awhile Luv?”

“Anything baby…I’m just going to wash away your bloody nose, then I’m yours.”

“You already are luv.”

She smiled at him and turned to get the cloth. Buffy saw them all standing there, meeting each of their gazes she dared them to say something. None of them spoke a word to her about what they had seen. They all made their way downstairs to find a way to help her vampire.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy finished cleaning his face again, softly, tenderly, and lovingly. When she was finished she crawled up onto the bed and into his arms. She placed her head on his chest and listened to his faint heartbeat, the one she caused by giving him her blood. She let the soothing rhythm lull her into sleep.
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TBC…?

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