The Scarlet Letter

"Geez, Giles! Don't we get to listen to circus music while we ride around in your tiny littlewn cwn car?"

Xander groaned as he fought to adjust the seat position. He felt like an accordion as he sat crunched up in the Citroen passenger seat, his knees poking into his lungs. He finally managed to push the seat back a few inches, relax his long legs, and breathe normally again.

Giles mumbled an apology about the broken lever as he drove through the darkened streets on the way to Xander's house.

The cramped cabin and the smell of oily exhaust fumes weren't the only things making Xander uncomfortable. He and Giles had barely spoken a word since leaving the school. There had been several half-hearted attempts and nervous glances, but neither of them had worked up the courage to talk about...it.

The black book sat tucked between the car seats. Like the empty scotch bottle under the coffee table in Xander's living room, it was the Bad Thing; the source of anxiety that everyone tried to pretend wasn't there.

Xander reluctantly picked up the book. He wasn't sure why. Maybe talking about it would be better than the awkward silence. Maybe "pretending nothing is wrong" never made anything better before. His fingers fumbled across the cover as he placed it across his lap. It felt wrong, too cool to the touch, and he could almost hear faint, echoing screams emanating from the depictions of human suffering within.

/...my screams.../

"So, you read this?" Xander kept his eyes on the book instead of Giles. He'd only looked at it once before, but that had been enough to make him want to sleep with the closet light on. He carefully flipped through the musty old pages. Horrific images of crucifixions, human sacrifices, and various torture implements crept out at him, his apprehension growing with each turn of the page. "Am I in here? The blood apple stuff, I mean?"

Giles cleared his throat. "Yes. It's all in there. Th-the ritual of the pomme de sang was quite...ahem, explicit."

Xander's heart stopped when he turned a page and was confronted with a picture of the tattoo stylus. The sharp tip, the small reservoir, the jewel on the handle; everything was exactly as he remembered it. The illustration was so detailed, he was afraid to touch it, as if touching the image could somehow bring forth the same excruciating pain. He almost slammed the book shut.

/No, I need to understand what this all means. There has to be something in here that can help me. Don't be so afraid, it's only a book!/

Xander marshaled his courage and skimmed through the text. "Blood of the vampire"..."master's mark"..."bound for eternity"..."desecration of the virgin."

/Damn./

"Then...you know about everything. What Angel had to do to, um...make me..." Xander's voice trailed off, embarrassed.

"Yes. Only the pure can be claimed as a pomme de sang, and once...corrupted, the binding curse is complete." Giles pulled over to the side of the road, and turned off the engine. He flicked on the map light, and turned to face Xander.

"I'm sorry, dreadfully sorry about what happened to you. It pains me that I can think of nothing sufficiently comforting to say to help you cope with this unthinkable crime. I understand why you might be reticent to talk about it, but I hate the thought of you struggling through this alone. Please don't feel like you have to hide anything, Xander. You can talk to me about this."

"Thanks, but I can handle it. It's my problem, and I'll deal with it my way," Xander said, his cheeks red as he squirmed in the seat, his arms crossed tightly in front of him.

"How? By keeping secrets from the people who want to help you? Were you ever planning on telling anyone the truth?"

Xander shook his head vehemently, and smacked his hand on the dashboard. "No! I told you, it's my problem! They don't need to know. What good would it do? They're already spooked because I'm not human anymore. Cordy is so grossed out, she can't even look at me. I don't want to give her any more reasons to think I'm disgusting. I don't need all of them pitying me, judging me, wondering if I'm gay or just the biggest wuss on the planet for letting Angel do that to me..."

"No one is going to judge you or think ill of you," Giles said firmly, forcing Xander to listen to him. "What happened wasn't your fault, and you didn't let him do anything. He raped you!" Giles spoke the ugly word with such intense anger, bitterness and sense of loss, that Xander recognized his own pain in the older man's voice.

/Angel stole his life, too...when he murdered Jenny./

Giles backed off a bit, regaining his composure. "If Angelus had done the same thing to Willow, would you think any less of her?" he asked gently.

Xander pulled his jacket tighter across his chest. Giles had brought it back for him after he'd left it in the nurse's station. It had been a gift from his best friend, and he shivered at the mention of her name. He remembered the words Angelus had spoken to him the night before.

/"You know, it wasn't going to be you. I was going to make Willow my new little toy. I have to admit, though, it works out much better this way. Willow never hated me like you do."/

He chewed his lip and picked sadly at the buttons on his jacket. If there was one thing Xander could be grateful for in the midst of his nightmare, it was that Willow had escaped his fate. At least she'd get to hold on to her innocence.

"No, of course not, thank God. She'll always be Willow."

"Then how can you believe they would treat you differently?" Giles asked. "Because you're male? Women are helpless victims, but men should somehow always be able to protect themselves?"

"I don't know!" Xander scratched at his chest self-consciously, staring at the picture of the needle. "I don't know anything anymore. I mean, I've read plenty of horror stories, heard about the things vampires do to people, but I never imagined that anything like...like that...could ever happen to me."

A terse, wry laugh escaped his lips as Xander smoothed his fingers over the yellowed pages of the book. "Y'know, I figured I'd be lucky if I got more than one picture in the new yearbook. But this is so much better, right? Here I've got lots of pages devoted to me. Although I was hoping I'd be remembered for my second place finish at the regional swim meet, not for being the Hellmouth Freak of the Week."

"Stop this nonsense, right now! You're *not* a freak, and you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of."

"Oh, no?" Xander's voice shook, rising with every word. "Nothing to be ashamed of? Giles, wake up! Angel made me his permanent FUCK TOY! That's not something I want to announce over the intercom to everyone in school!"

"No, th-that's not what it means to be..." Giles tried to calm him, and was startled when Xander suddenly flung the book into the back of the car. It smacked into the rear window with a loud thump, and the pages fluttered as lid lid down the seat.

"Don't patronize me and try to sanitize everything, Giles," he cried harshly. "All that talk about pommes de sang being servants? Servant, my ass. Deadboy doesn't want me to park his car or clean his bathroom. Blood and sex is all the same to them. I may not speak five languages, but I'm smart enough to understand that pomme de sang is just a fancy word for whore."

Resignation crept across Giles's face. He couldn't say anything in rebuttal, because it was true. Vampires often eroticized the act of bloodletting, and were rarely finicky eaters where gender was concerned. The Watchers' diaries described several instances where Angelus had sexually violated his victims, both male and female.

Xander let out a frustrated sigh and shifted away from Giles. He traced his finger in the condensation on the passenger window. "What is it about me, huh? Was I cursed before this? Why do I always end up with monsters that want to kiss me and kill me? Angel said I was weak. The perfect prey. Is he right?"

"No's n's not. You should know better than to believe any of his lies. It's all a sick game for him, figuring out the worst ways to torment each one of us. Angelus didn't target you because you're weak, but because he wants to crush your spirit. When you want to be, you're the most willful, obstinate young man I've ever known. Whichuthfuthfully, can be bloody annoying at times, but you need that determination now. Draw from that inner strength. No matter what Angelus does to hurt you, show him that you can overcome."

"That which does not kill me makes me stronger, huh? Considering nothing is supposed to be able to kill me anymore, I guess that kinda makes me...hey!"

The passenger window shattered, and bits of glass rained across the cabin, taking both men completely by surprise. Strong arms reached through the window, and yanked Xander outside.

/Angel!/

"Urg! No, please, don't!" Trapped in a chokehold, Xander struggled against the vampire who was dragging him up the embankment into the woods.

/Hey, why didn't the tattoo alarm go off?/

Xander spotted a female vampire attacking Giles. She sported spiky red hair, heavily tattooed arms, and an electric blue mini-skirt. Definitely not Drusilla. When he looked down at the thick arm thrown around his neck, he was surprised to see rainbows.

Angel would never be caught undead wearing anything tie-dyed.

"Whoa, dude, do you have any idea how completely bitchin' you smell? I can't wait to see how you taste!" growled an unfamiliar voice. Xander cringed as a tongue lapped at his ear. When the arm around his neck loosened, Xander was able to reach into his inner jacket pocket. Just as the vampire ripped into his neck, Xander smashed the vial of holy water into his attacker's face.

"Taste that!" Xander croaked.

"Aaargh!" Smoke sizzled from the vampire's burning hair, and he pushed Xander to the ground. The vampire clutched his face, groaning in pain. "What the fuck did you do, you little punk?"

"Giles!" he yelled. His neck hurt like hell, and he clamped his hand over it to slow the bleeding.

"Little...busy...right now!" Xander glanced over, and saw Giles dodging blows from the girl vampire.

/I can do this! I can do this!/

Before the vampire could pounce on him again, Xander kicked out and swept the vampire's feet out from under him, and he toppled backwards onto the ground. Ignoring the pain from the bite, Xander pulled himself up, and thrust the cross down at Mr. Rainbows. The vampire hissed and howled on the ground, trying to roll away. Xander kicked him repeatedly in the ribs.
..ha..hate...being...bitten! Understand?" The vampire tried to grab Xander's leg, and received a handful of cross for his troubles. While the vampire screamed, Xander took out his last weapon, the stake, and plunged it into its heart.

As the creature crumbled into dust, Xander bent over and propped his hands on his thighs, breathing heavily and feeling more than a little dizzy.

"Xander! A little help here!" shouted Giles. The other vampire had him pinned against the hood of the car, and was ready to strike. She looked up to see whom Giles was talking to.

When she saw Xander, she literally licked her lips with a hungry smack, and lost all interest in having Giles for dinner. With inhuman speed, she raced up the bank, and tackled Xander to the nd. nd.

"Oh, this Everyone-Take-A-Bite-Out-Of-Xander fad is getting old really fast!" groaned Xander as he tried to push the girl away from him. She snarled and pinned his wrists to the ground, her nostrils flaring as she took in the scent of her prey.

"What are you, sweet thing?" she purred, her lips curled into a hungry, toothy smile. "You're so different from the others." She giggled playfully and nuzzled her head high on his chest, nipping at him through the sweatshirt.

Xander heard a click and a whir, and felt a sharp pain. At first he thought the vampire had bitten him, but then saw her dissipate into dust. He looked down and was shocked to see a bolt sticking straight up, buried at least a half-inch into his abdomen.

"Ow! Ow! Jesus Christ, you shot me!"

"I was shooting at the vampire!" Giles blushed, lowering the crossbow. He lent Xander a hand and helped him off the ground. "Sorry, these really aren't designed for point blank range."

Xander yanked the bolt out with a gasp, scowling at Giles. "Watch it with that thing! I may heal fast, but everything still hurts just as bad." He stuck his finger through the tiny hole in his shirt and wriggled it.

Giles handed him a white handkerchief to dab at his injuries. They both looked relatively minor, and the bleeding had already stopped. Xander wasn't sure he'd ever get used to that. After barely two hours, his fractured wrist had become nothing more than a dull sprain, and Angel's bite had completely scabbed over.

Xander froze and dropped the hankie when an ominous roar emerged from the woods. Gruff, threatening, and much too close for comfort. The ground started to tremble, and there was a loud rustling coming from the grove of trees behind them.

"Oh, god! I don't even want to know what the hell is making that sound. Retreat! Retreat!" shouted Xander as he raced for the Citroen.

Giles dove into the driver's seat, and fumbled with the keys while Xander begged him to hurry. It was dark, but Xander could see a large shape emerging from the woods. A distressingly large shape that made The Incredible Hulk look like a Pee Wee football player.

The car sputtered a few times before starting, and Giles pressed the accelerator all the way to the floor just as a very hungry looking demon with enormous teeth and claws approached the curb. Both men screamed as the car lurched down the road, the demon lumbering behind them.

"You had to stop the car on the outskirts of the cemetery?" fumed Xander, looking over his shoulder. He panted and tried to catch his breath, relieved to see the demon shrinking away into the distance.

"Yes, well, in hindsight, that probably wasn't the wisest course of action," wheezed Giles, pushing his glasses up the sweaty bridge of his nose. "But we did rather well for ourselves, I must say. Two vampires destroyed. Good show!"

"What, are you crazy? We almost got munched! And you really need to trade in this junk heap if you're going to stay in the super-hero biz. Zero to forty-five in 10 seconds ain't no Batmobile. What if that had been some kind of speed demon? He'd be chomping on our brains right now!"

"Don't worry, I'll have Buffy swing by tonight to dispatch the demon." Giles straightened the rear view mirror. "Junk heap, indeed. You Americans have no appreciation for classic European aerodynamic engineering," Giles muttered.

They drove in silence again until the Citroen reached Xander's street. "Don't drive up to the house, my parents don't know I left," asked Xander. "You can park there, in front of the O'Malleys."

Giles stopped the car, and they stepped out. Giles held the crossbow, and motioned Xander to stay back as he scanned the trees and houses.

"Deadboy isn't here," Xander said. He scratched at his aching neck, not liking the strange tingly feeling he got whenever his wounds healed. "I'd feel him if he was close."

Giles joined Xander as he walked to his house. "You must be extra careful from now on, Xander. As you saw tonight, Angelus isn't the only one that you need to be worried about. I think it would be best for you to remain at home after nightfall."

"Great! Fun! Nothin' like playing Prisoner of Xanda, locked away in the tower of Castle Harris," he grumbled. "Spending an entire evening with my parents? Now that's torture."

"It won't be forever. There may be a charm Willow and I can prepare that will mask your scent, to lesson the danger. Until then, I don't want anything to happen to you. Call me or Buffy immediately if you see anything suspicious outside, understand?"

"Okay, okay! I'm on house arrest!" Xander agreed quietly, hoping his parents couldn't hear them from their bedroom window. He stopped at the trellis and shuffled his feet, self-conscious and unable to look Giles in the eyes. "Anyway, here's where I get off. Thanks, G-man. I appreciate what you did for me tonight. Even if you did shoot me and almost get us turned into Purina Demon Chow."

Giles chuckled, and patted Xander on the back affectionately. He had been so patient and kind with Xander during this crisis. Although Buffy and Willow both had a special bond with the Watcher, Xander never thought Giles had cared much for him, and that had always bothered him a little. Seeing his genuine concern today touched Xander more than Giles could ever realize.

"Will you be alright?"

"Yes. I promise to be a strong, brave little camper, scout's honor." Xander grinned sheepishly, raising his hand in salute. "I mean it. I will get through this...my way," he said more seriously.

Giles squeezed Xander's shoulder gently, and let him go. "Of that, I have no doubt. You have remarkable perseverance and will. Perhaps one day you'll learn to apply that dedication to your studies. Off with you now, go get some rest."

Xander smiled and climbed up the trellis and into his bedroom window. He waved at Giles while he got into his car and drove away.

Xander snuck down the hallway to the bathroom. He desperately wished he could take a shower, but didn't feel like rousing his parents with the noise. No more questions, no more talking, he just wanted to sleep. He washed up in the sink as quickly and as quietly as he could. He sprayed the incriminating pink-swirled puddles of water with Windex, and wiped down the counter with a wad of toilet paper.

Exhausted when he returned to his room, Xander stumbled trying to step over the comic books fanned out on the floor. He turned to his bed, lumpy with pillows and dirty laundry. He sluggishly kicked off his shoes and stripped down to his shorts, tossing his clothes near the closet. He'd throw away the ripped sweatshirt in the morning. He yawned and rubbed his hair as he tugged at the comforter draped over his bed.

What he saw next caused Xander to shout and trip backwards over his skateboard. There was a woman waiting for him in his bed, and unlike most of his fantasies, it wasn't Cordelia.

"Hello, my precious! Patiently, oh so patiently have I waited for you. Are you ready to come home to Daddy?"

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