Finding Strength

Please see disclaimers in Chapter 1

Chapter 8

He joined her by the waves. She could sense him standing there, just behind her. He was so near, yet so far. She yearned for him to put his arms around her, but he didn’t touch her. He just stood there, soaking in the beauty of her standing before the crashing waves. He lifted his hand tentatively to brush his fingers through her hair. His fingers trembled. But before those shaking fingers could find their way to wind in her hair, she turned and started walking slowly down the beach. He sighed heavily, and then kept the slow pace at her side.

Again, there was only the sound of the ocean and the beating of their hearts.

“I don’t know whether to thank you, or slap you, Giles.”

He kept quiet, waiting for her to tell him all she she had to say.

“I am thankful that you came here, that you are here now. And I want to try and explain, but I’m not sure the words will come the way I want or need them to.”

He could tell she was struggling.

“I am here, Buffy. Just tell me whatever you need, and I’ll listen. You can tell me anything.” He was surprised when she slipped her small hand into his larger one. He clung to it like a life line.

“No matter what, you won’t get mad?”

He squeezed her hand gently. “I won’t get mad. No matter what.”

She exhaled, and prepared her words the best she could.

“When you told me you were leaving, and going back to England, I felt like I was dying again.”

He winced, but didn’t say anything. He wouldn’t interrupt her.

“When you came back, after I was…back…that moment was the first time I truly felt glad to be alive again. It was also the first time I felt like me again, and whole, and complete. But I know I took you for granted. I just couldn’t feel anything. I was scared to feel anything. It was all so dark and painful. s los lost, in the dark. I went on auto pilot, just going through the motions, leaving you to pick up the pieces and deal with everything. That was wrong of me. I know that now.”

She was silent for a moment. He was about to open his mouth to reply, when she began again.

“I realized something awhile ago, even before I died. And that revelation to me, well, it was why I freaked when you told me you were leaving. Because it was one of my worst nightmares come true. See, Giles, I love you. Not just love you, love you, but REALLY love you. I’m in love with you. I have been for sometime, and that has scared me. I didn’t want you to know, because I was afraid you’d leave me. Everyone I have loved has left me. It’s like a slayer curse or something. I’m not allowed to let people in, and as soon as I do, something happens to them. They go away, or they die, or I have to kill them, or something. And I couldn’t go through that with you. Not with you, most of all.”

“And then you told me you were going to leave me anyway. So I ran. I wasn’t paying attention to anything but the pain, hating the pain and lonliness that crawling out of that coffin had put me in. My one purpose for being alive, you…..you were leaving me.”

Buffy had begun to cry softly as she talked. Giles wanted to sob, but he stayed quiet and attentive. He only held her hand tighter in his grip, trying to convey with that his own surge of emotions.

“I didn’t mean to end up doing what I did, Giles. I swear it. I just ended up there, in the cemetery. I hadn’t been paying attention, and the vampire surprised me. He jumped me, and when I saw him there, all I could think was how tired I was, and how I didn’t want to go it alone anymore. I just wanted it all to end.”

Giles was crying now. He wanted to take all her pain away. “Buffy, I’m so sorry. I…”

She stopped walking, and again touched his face with her hand that wasn’t being held by him. “Giles, it’s not your fault. None of it is your fault. “ He wrapped his arms around her and held her close again, the waves drowning out both of their tears. He breathed her in, reveling in the feel of her in his arms, the scent of her, and his love for her exploded all around him. “Buffy, I love you too.”

She stiffened in his arms, pulled out of his embrace, and ran, back the way they had come. He stood there for a moment, shocked and unable to move. Then he sprinted after her, grabbed her by the arm, spun her around, and crushed her to him. As she began to squirm and fight him, he placed one of his strong hands behind her head, forcing her eyes to lock with his. “I love you, Buffy, and I’m not going anywhere.” Then he pressed his lips upon hers in a bruising kiss. At first she didn’t respond, but slowly he felt her relax, and kiss him back. She parted her lips, and he devoured her mouth with his tongue, tasting her and putting all his pent up emotions into that one kiss. Buffy’s knees turned to jelly, and she began to lose her footing in the sand. She fell backwards, cushioned by the sand, and he followed her down, lying on top of her and never breaking the kiss.

Buffy’s hands ran down his neck and she felt all the muscles bunching in his back. If it wasn’t for her slayer strength, he’d easily be crushing her beneath him. She could feel his arousal pressed against her thigh, and her body responded, thrusting up into him. His breathing quickened, and he moaned into her mouth. He released her mouth and trailed his hot mouth down her neck. His hands were on the sides of her face, and his fingers wound around her golden locks, as he had yearned to do for so long.

He felt her pulse point pounding in her neck, and he nipped at the old and new scars that imprinted themselves between her neck and collarbone. She writhed and moaned beneath him, running her hands further down his back, pressing him into her.

The waves running up to meet them jolted them from their passion. The salty sea drenched them from foot to head when a wave ran up the beach. The tide was changing and creeping up the shore, but the sudden force of the wave that surrounded them was not a gentle awakening for them. Buffy screamed at the surprise and the chill, and Giles tried to shield her from the wave as best he could with his body.

He felt the wave lick at his body, quenching the fire in his loins. It was cold, and he began to shiver in the evening breeze. The sun had set, and now they were both wet to add to the chill.

Beneath him, he felt Buffy begin to shiver from what he thought was the cold. Soon he realized she was actually shaking with the giggles. She threw her head back and roared with laughter. “Giles,” she gasped. “You look like a drowned rat!” She continued to laugh in between great gulps of salty air. He just peered at her, loving the joy and bliss on her face.

When she had finally begun to calm down, another wave ran down upon them. “Bugger!” Giles shouted out, and again protected her as best he could. She laughed hysterically the entire time. “Giles….I…..think…..the…tide…has…changed….” She giggled and tried to hold her sides from the pain of the laugher, but was encumbered by Giles sprawled form on top of her.

As soon as that wave disappeared, he leapt up, never letting go of her hands. He glanced behind him and saw the ocean creeping closer. Buffy dropped his right hand, but tugged him along with her left hand still in his. They ran to the log, and they both flopped down onto it, grabbing their shoes and socks.

They were both drenched, and wet sand now clung to them, creeping into every wrinkle and orifice imaginable.

Buffy was still giggling, but she had started to shiver in her wet clothes. Giles hurriedly pulled on his shoes, leaving them untied, and just shoved his socks into his wet pant pockets. They stood, and Giles placed his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in close to try and keep her warm. “You’re shivering.”

She snorted again. “So are you, Watcher mine.” Her eyes peered into his. His eyes were dark from his desire as he said, “I’m shivering, yes, but not because of the cold.” She smiled shyly at him, and her knees felt weak again. He smiled down at her. “Come on,” he said, and started them back towards her apartment. As they approached the complex, he wondered if he should return to his car and grab some of his dry clothes. “Buffy, perhaps we could stop by my car so I could grab my bags?”

She continued to pull him towards her apartment. “Why? You won’t need any clothes for awhile.” He stopped in his tracks. A blush crept up his neck and his ears turned red. Buffy giggled, and opened her front door, but before she could step inside she found herself grabbed by the waist and pulled up into his arms. He kicked the door shut behind them, and Buffy shivered in anticipation.

Down the street Bill, Annie and several of the employees were closing up the cannery and leaving for the night. They all saw the man lift Buffy into his arms and carry her over the threshold.

Annie smiled as the others gawked at the scene. Bill turned a questioning look to his wife. She grinned and winked at her man. “That was Buffy’s Ripper.”

TBC