London Calling

I'm in the middle of watching ANGEL right now. Good GOD is James Marsters HOT! *Swoon*

Chapter 7


"Does this suit make me look fat?"

Spike rubbed his throbbing temples and answered for the fortieth time, "No, the suit doesn't make you look fat."

Xander turned in front of the three-way mirror and examined himself again. "Are you sure?"

Spike grit his teeth and sighed in annoyance. "No, the SUIT doesn't make you look fat. Maybe it's just your big ass that's making it appear that way."

Xander bent over and looked closely at the mirror. "My ass is not fat!" He squinted. "Is it?"

"Oh bloody hell!" Spike shouted, jumping out of the fitting room chair. "You sound like a prancing school girl with all this endless prattle of clothes and the like. For God's sake, man! You need some fucking testosterone."

Xander looked embarrassed. "I know, I know. It's just that living with two girls and the intense lack of male contact has sort of turned me into... uh... turned me into..."

"A complete and utter woman?" Spike finished, grinning.

Xander rolled his eyes and threw his cumberbund at Spike's head. "Shut up."

Spike laughed and tossed it back. "Don't you ever get out? You know, beer at the pub or something?"

Xander fumbled with his bowtie. "No, not really. Usually it's just me and my ladies! And by that, I mean me and my ladies watching Dawson's Creek or the occasional chick flick. Do you know how many times I've seen Fried Green Tomoatoes?!"

Spike looked shocked. "For fuck's sake! Are you serious?"

Xander nodded gravely. "As a heart at." ." He gave up on the bowtie and threw it onto a nearby chair. "Trading Spaces is alright, though. At least there's carpentry."

"Oh yeah. That Vern's bloody brilliant!" Spike replied, sifting through a copy of Maxim.

Xander pulled on his vest and examined himself critically. "It's not like I want to hang out with the bra-brigade every night. It's just that... I haven't really had a guy-type friend since you moved back to England." He sighed. "I think I'm gonna have to go with a clip-on tie. Anya's going to kill me."

Spike tossed his magazine aside and picked up the crumpled bowtie. "Nah, I got it." He began to expertly knot it around Xander's neck.

"You know," Spike began, clearing his throat. "I'm really sorry that I never came back to Sunnydale more often. I feel like I missed out on a lot of things. God knows Drusilla wasn't worth staying in London for." He finished with the tie and stepped back.

Xander smiled easily at Spike. "Buddy, I know you had a lot of stuff going on. Just because I never got a life doesn't mean you shouldn't have." He fingered the tie. "Hey, this doesn't look half-bad. I guess there's a purpose for all you British guys after all."

Spike rolled his eyes and fell back down into chaichair. "Yeah. I'm sure there's a purpose for shiftless layabouts such as yourself as well." His look turned serious. "Why didn't you ever go back to school? I thought your Mum had put aside money in a college fund for you."

Xander reached for his cufflinks. "Well, with all the bills and Buffy to take care of, I had about enough money from that fund leftover for a bag of Doritos." He turned to grab his jacket. "I never really cared so much for school anyway. That was always you and Buffy. I remember the two of you used to talk for hours about Kurt Fishgut."

"Vonnegut.\ike ike replied. "That was me, anyway. Buffy was always more into poetry. She used to fancy herself a young Sylvia Plath." He looked out into space and smiled, remembering.

"Who's that? Isn't that the lady that makes the poundcakes?" Xander questioned.

Spike scowled. "No you ninny, that's Sara Lee. Sylvia Plath was one of the world's most renowned female writers. You know, "The Bell Ja"
"

Xander shook his head. "Sorry. The only reading I ever did was comic books."

Spike chuckled. "I remember. You used to fancy yourself to be Superman! Remember that time Buffy played Lois Lane and you went to rescue her, but she threw her arms around me instead?"

Xander snorted. "Yeah, and you were Lex Luther! She's all, "Oh Spi... I mean, Lex! My hero!" He spoke in a high falsetto, fluttering his eyelashes girlishly.

Spike bellowed with laughter. "And then she tried to kiss me! That girl had some nerve. Cooties were all the rage back in the sixth grade. I might have been infected!"

Xander sat down, wheezing. "Good thing she finagot got over it. Wouldn't it be terrible if you'd come home to visit and she'd still been all in love with you?"

Spike instantly sobered. He thought of Buffy, all warm and limp in his lap from the orgasm he'd given to her. Buffy, smiling up at him with that sweet cherub's face. Buffy, his best friend's sister.

Xander was going to kill him.

"Yeah." He replied shortly. "That woulda been awful."


***


"Do my hips look too wide in this?" Buffy questioned, tilting her head to the side.

"Buffy, if you ask me that one more time I'm going to bring in my Tangerine Dream parasol and beat you over the head with it!" Willow threatened.

"Sorry." Buffy apologized. "It's just that this dress has to look perfect. I mean, I want Spike to see me as... to see me as..."

Willow smiled sympathetically. "You want Spike to SEE you."

Buffy smoothed the dress down over her hips and turned to the side. "Well, he kinda of already saw a lot of me last night."

Willow turned to her friend with a look of surprise. "Oh my GOD! What happened?"

Buffy sighed. "He and I went upstairs for a little while at the party. Things got a little... out of hand." She blushed. "OK, so maybe things got a little IN hand."

Willow smacked her friend playfully on the arm. "Oh geez, don't tell me it was you two up in Cordy's room!"

Buffy nodded.

"She was so mad about that! She came downstairs and told everyone that there was some kind of bondage-fun going on in there!" Willow stated, giggling.

Buffy's jaw dropped in shock. "She DID NOT!"

Willow nodded. "Oh yes she did! Then she made people come stand outside the door and listen in!"

Buffy's face flushed a fiery red. "Oh my God!! What if someone knew it was ME???" She hid her face in her hands. "My life is OVER. I'm now officially the town slut! Paint a big ol' 'A' on me."

Willow groaned and hugged her. "Buffy, no one would ever in a million years think that it was you. You never let any guy touch you. Pretty much the whole football team calls you 'Ice Bitch'!"

Buffy sighed in relief. "Oh thank God! That's a relief."

She paused.

"Wait a second... Ice Bitch?? Who called me that!? I'll kill them!" Buffy yelled angrily.

Willow laughed. "Relax, it was a joke. No one really calls you that."

Buffy grunted. "They'd better not!"

Willow went over to hang her dress back on the rack. "I sure wouldn't. According to Cordy, you gave Faith one heck of a beating last night! You're usually so passive, too. What's up with the sudden angenagenagement issues?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I didn't give her a BEATING. One measly little punch and she was out for the count. People should have been sympathizing with me! I'm the one who broke a nail." She began to take off her dress. "I don't know why I'm so grouchy all of a sudden. She just started talking about Spike. And she touched him! I felt like I was about to go ballistic." She finished putting on her clothes and turned to her best friend. "Why do you think that is?"

Willow smiled indulgently. "It's because you're in love with him, dummy."

"What? No I'm not... I just... think about him all day. And wonder what he's doing. And ponder what dress I'll wear at OUR wedding." Buffy's eyes widened in shock. "Oh shit! I think I AM in love with him!"


***


Anya smiled in satisfaction. Her pre-wedding barbeque was going exactly according to plan. Her stomach grumbled painfully and she clutched a hand to it.

And these caterers are competent, licensed professionals. After I sue tantsants off the crab puff people, I'll be rolling in the money.

She frowned and shook her head.

No, not literally. That might be uncomfortable and there's also the risk of a painful paper cut. Anyway, who knew that buying seafood out of the back of a Ford Pinto was a bad idea?

She shrugged.

"Anya, do we have anymore potato salad left?" Buffy questioned.

"I'm not sure. There has to be more of that other salad left... The macaroni kind that everyone hates. Make the people eat that. It'll be more economical." Anya stated firmly.

Buffy rolled her eyes and picked up the bowl of macaroni salad. "OK, Anya. Whatever you say." She turned and headed for the backyard.

Opening the door, she took a deep breath and sighed happily. The weather was wonderful, the food was great, everyone was here and happy and together. It was almost like old times with Mom.

Placing the bowl on one of the picnic tables, she looked around. Willow and Oz were here, cuddling over on the porch swing. Xander, Riley and Devon were over by the keg, drinking and laughing over some sports thing. Anya's friend Tara was here, sitting quietly by herself on the grass. Buffy paused to look at her. Tara was a nice enough girl, she just never put forth the effort to get to know anyone.

If someone doesn't go sit with her in the next couple of minutes, I'll head that way and say hello. Buffy thought to herself.

Just then, someone plopped themself on the grass next to Tara.

Buffy smiled. "Oh good. I'm sure she'll have plenty to talk about with-"


***


"HARMONY?" Spike whispered angrily. "What in God's name is that idiot doing here?"

Xander put down the tap and fixed Spike with an amused glance. "She works with Anya over at the Art Gallery. Didn't YOU used to date her? Oh, I'm sorry... bad memories? Maybe you two should try talking it out. Oh Harmo-oof!" He was silenced by a fist to the gut.

Spike growled menacingly. "If she somes over here, you're a dead man. The last time I saw that girl, she threatened to cut off some of my manly parts!"

Xander chuckled. "Too late."

"Spikey!" Harmony called out.

Spike turned a withering glance Xander's direction. "You thought those crab puffs were bad? Wait'll I poison the wedding cake."

Xander paled and clutched his stomach. "I think I'll leave you two to get reaquainted... while I reaquaint myself with the john." He hurried off.

Spike shook his head in exasperation and almost fell as all 125 lbs. of Harmony Kendall threw herself into his arms.

"Oh Gosh, Spikey! I thought I might never see you again! How was France?" She bubbled.

"Actually, luv, it was London. It was fine, thanks for asking." He began trying to disentangle himself from Harmony's grip.

She continued to talk and grasped his arm. "I just LOVE Paris. We always get art shipments from there for the gallery, but I never ever get a chance to go myself." She pouted. "Remember when we were in high school and you promised you'd take me?"

Spike cringed and tried to move away. "No, can't say as I recall." He dug his boots into the lawn and pulled. "Oh, isn\hat hat Anya calling you over there? She probably wants to talk to you about some important wedding thing."

Harmony snuggled in close to his side. "Like what?"

Spike thought fast. "Uh... I thought I heard her mention something about the new edition of... Cosmo?"

Harmony immediately dropped his arm and headed off towards the kitchen.

"Good to see you, Spikey." She called over her shoulder.

Spike's shoulders slumped in relief.

"What is it with you and the skankezoids?" A familiar voice questioned.

Spike turned to see Buffy standing behind him. She leaned back against a picnic table and crossed her arms in front of her.

He smiled and walked in her direction. She looked so beautiful. Her hair was back in a long ponytail and she wore a simple tank top and cutoff jean shorts. Her face free of make up, she looked as fresh as the day itself.

Ah, innocence... Spike thought to himself with a smirk.

"Who, Harmony?" He questioned, settling onto the table beside her. "I dated her in high school."

She scooted slightly away from him and frowned. "I remember."

Spike smirked and inched even further in her direction. "Oh you do, do you? What else do you remember about me? Anything a little more... recent? Say, two nights ago?" He lightly placed his hand on her thigh.

Buffy shuddered and carefully stood up. Her thighs felt all quivery. "Well, I remember you ditched me after the game and ended up at a party with the biggest ho on the cheerleading squad."

Spike slowly stood and sauntered a few steps nearer. "That's all that springs to mind? Nothing else?" He placed his hands on her hips.

Buffy looked down helplessly. Well, one thing certainly springs to mind... She thought, zeroing in on his crotch.

Spike noticed the direction of her gaze and instantly hardened.

Moaning, Buffy tried to pull away.

Grasping her hand in his, he placed it on the bulge in his pants. "God, do you see what you do to me?" He groaned and pulled his duster around her hand.

She looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"I... I want..."

Spike lowered his head to hers and whispered in her ear. "I know, baby. Let's just find a place to..."

"Riley!" Buffy shouted, wrenching free of Spike's grasp.

"Hey Buffy." Riley answered, smiling charmingly. "Anya wanted me to come and get you. She wants you to help serve up the pie in the kitchen."

"No problem! Great! Terrific!" Buffy practically yelled, latching onto Riley's arm. "Let's go do that now, 'kay?"

He beamed down at her and led her into the house.

Spike scowled and grabbed Xander, who just happened to be walking by.

"Who the hell is that wanker?" He growled out.

Xander squinted. "Who, Riley? He works with me. Always had a big crush on Buffy, but she's been dating Angel." He laughed and slapped Spike jovially on the back. "Now that they're broken up, though... I see dating Buffy in Riley's near-future!"

Xander ambled off.

Spike sneered.

"Not in this lifetime."