Lost Letters

Title: Lost Letters

Author: Jennifer

Copyright (c) 2002 - 2003 by Jennifer Johnson

Distribution: If you would like to archive this somewhere, please ask my permission first!

Feedback: jennpurr@yahoo.com or willowtaralove@netzero.com Please, give me feedback. Good or bad. Feel free to tell me what you think. Or just post it here.

Disclaimers: All characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy/UPN/FOX and whoever else owns the rights. This is solely for my entertainment. Please do not copyright this story. All original characters belong to me.

F/F romance: If the idea and depiction of a same sex relationship bothers you, please do not read this story.

Pairings: W/T, X, B

Spoilers: None

Summary: Someone in Willow's family has died and she discovers a painful secret.

Rating: PG to NC-17. This part is NC-17, for nudity and sexual content

Angst Level: Um... none really, unless you count the cliffhanger.

My Thanks: To Danie. Thanks for being my beta/friend and for helping me out with all the suggestions. You truly are gifted for writing. I hope you continue to do so. And D, don't forget the catnip.

Also, to Melissa (Triscuit) and Xita, thanks for beta reading the love scene in this chapter and giving me your thoughts and impressions. I appreciate you both.

Dedication: To all the W/T fans. May we always keep Tara alive in our hearts.

Author's Notes: The timeline of this fic takes place 8 years after Tara left Willow in, "Tabula Rasa." She left Sunnydale and moved to LA. They have not spoken since thame. me. Willow moved out of Buffy's e ane and in with her parents until she graduated from College. Now, she has her own house and oher her own business.

Story Note: Guys, this is very angsty, but if you will hang in there through the whole story, I promise you it will be well worth it. If I make anyone cry, I am very sorry. Again, I'm sorry for the angst. Hang in there.



FIC: Lost Letters, Chapter 8
By: Jennifer



Tara ran her fingers through Willow's hair as she looked in her eyes. She searched them deeply, looking for any signs of uncertainty. "Are you sure?" she asked.

Willow's eyes closed at the affection. She concentrated on Tara's fingers, how they gently pushed through her hair, applying a slight pressure to her scalp as they went. She loved it.

"Yes. Are you?" Opening her eyes, she met the blonde's and found her smiling.

"I've never been more sure of anything." Leaning in, she softly kissed, Willow. Pulling her hand out of the redhead's locks, she brought it down and cupped her cheek, her thumb passing over Willow's ruby lips once she had pulled away.

Looking into her eyes again, she whispered. Her voice was full of emotion. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Kissing the blonde's thumb, she smiled and started to extricate herself from the bed, standing up and facing her girl. Her fingers toyed with the top of her sweat pants, before curling underneath tto pto pull them down.

Tara reached over and enclosed her hands over Willow's. "Can I?"

Stepping up to her love as close as she could, she walked in between the r gir girl's legs and letting go of Tara's hands, she pulled her face against her chest, hugging her neck.

Tara closed her eyes and nuzzled her cheek against the soft skin underneath it, as her arms wrapped around the petite waist in front of her. Her nose pulled in the scent that was her love and she sighed. She was happy for this moment and wanted nothing more than to see it through.

Turning her head, she kissed the flesh underneath her lips, loving it with soft kisses.

"I thought you were going to... Oh, Goddess..." Willow's voice trailed off when she felt her girl's mouth moving higher, leaving lingering kisses on the swell of her right breast.

She closed her eyes, massaging the back of the blonde Wicca's neck, feeling a shiver run up her body.

Tara grinned and brought her left hand around, up to the neglected breast and lightly cupped it in her hand. Her thumb running back and forth over the nipple, as she brought her mouth down and left a kiss on the nipple of the redhead's right breast.

Hearing the other girl moan, she looked up and locked eyes with her before swirling her tongue around in a circle over the surface of the aureole, making it slick with saliva.

Willow's right hand took purchase on the blonde hair in her hand, taking it in a handful and holding on. She tilted her head when she felt Tara's mouth close around her nipple, her warm tongue licking over it, jiggling her flesh somewhat.

Pulling her tongue back, Tara closed her lips around the nub and pulled it into her mouth. Cupping her tongue around it, she suckled greedily.

Arching forward, Willow pushed more of her breast into her lover's mouth, her left hand gripping around the blonde's shoulder and squeezing it.

Tara sucked hungrily, not able to get enough of what was being offered to her. Her left hand squeezed the other breast a little harder and she felt the other girl shiver again.

The hacker let her head fall forward and looked down when she felt the mouth pull away, but she moaned when the girl moved her head and started to pay the same attention to her other breast. "Mmmm," she let out appreciatively.

"Mmmm," the blonde agreed, closing her teeth around the hard nub of Willow's breast and pulling on it lightly. She bit down gently, but soothed the slight pain away with her tongue again, sucking on it.

When Tara placed a gentle kiss on the breast and looked up, the redhead cupped her cheeks and stepping back a little, she bent down, covering Tara's mouth with her own and kissing her soul-mate without abandon.

She kissed her open mouthed, but kept her tongue back, brushing their lips together, over and over again.

They kissed passionately for a few moments, before the blonde moved her hands back down to Willow's waist, resting them over the top of the sweat pants, hooking her index fingers inside on each side.

Pulling out of the kiss, she looked into sapphire eyes and started to pull the material down slowly. She pulled them down over the hacker's hips.

Willow stood up fully, to give the other girl the room to maneuver her sweat pants down. She felt the cooler air sting her flesh, as the pants slid down her legs and fell in a puddle around her feet.

Tara kept her eyes on the redhead's for a brief second, before letting her eyes trail down. She looked down at what she had uncovered and her heart felt heavy. Willow was so beautiful.

Leaning forward, the blonde kissed her lover's stomach.

*****

Soft.

Supple.

Full.

Gentle.

Languorous.

Tender.

That's how she would describe them. They were all that and much more, though. Tracing a pathway up her throat, placing lingering kisses in their wake.

Tara shivered and couldn't help but tip her head back when she felt, Willow's mouth near her larynx. She was thoroughly enjoying the loving attention her neck was being privileged to.

Willow tilted her head more to the right, allowing herself better access to the blonde's throat. Her lips traveled over the curve, sliding the tip of her tongue along the silky skin.

Upon reaching the top of Tara's throat, her lips closed over the girl's larynx, lightly suckling it.

"Mmmm, Willow," the blonde witch, moaned.

"Tara," Willow whispered, her lips vibrating from the moan she received. Her attention reverted back and she continued to suck on the soft flesh.

"Goddess," unhooking her arms from around the hacker's neck, she pushed her hands up into the girl's red locks, holding her head against her throat.

Shifting her hips closer on her lover's lap, her legs tightened around Tara's back. Her own hands snaked up the blonde's back, cupping over and hugging her shoulders. Pulling her mouth away, she left a final kiss on the mark she left.

Tara disentangled her fingers from the redhead's hair and lifted her hands around to gently cup Willow's breasts, her hands squeezing into the small space between them.

Sucking in a lungful of air, the hacker trailed her lips down and started working her way over to the left side of Tara's neck. She stopped however, when she suddenly felt the other girl stiffen, the hands on her breasts clamped down and almost painfully grabbed a hold - hard.

Pulling her head back, Willow looked at Tara, who had ducked her head and was trying to avoid eye contact with her. "Baby? What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" Her voice was full of panic.

She unhooked her legs and tried to move away, but two strong arms hooked around her waist and held her there.

"N-no, Willow... p-please," Tara's voice was barely a whisper. She didn't look up, but she kept her arms fastened to their hostage.

"Whatever you need. Just tell me what's wrong?" With a look of concern, the redhead waited to see if the blonde would respond. When she didn't, her right hand came around and cupped around Tara's chin, pulling her head up.

Their eyes locked and that's when she caught the first glimpse of tears. The liquid tears were flowing down the blonde Wicca's cheeks, but that wasn't all she saw. The other discovery caught her off guard.

Tara's eyes were full of fear.

"Tara?" she asked again. "Baby, please... talk to me."

The blonde pulled her head back down, but quickly felt it being pulled back up again. She felt her hair fall away from her shoulder and flutter down her back.

That's when Willow noticed something that she hadn't seen until now. "Oh, Goddess..."

*****

Los Angeles - 2002


It had been about a week since Tara had arrived in LA. She had made a daily effort to go out and look for a job. The savings she had taken with her would last a short time, but finding employment was definitely a necessity.

When Tara had received a call at her hotel room for an interview, she was happy; a little nervous, but she was happy, non-the-less. A week of feeling depressed and lonely, with no one to talk to was starting to take its toll on the blonde Wicca.

As it turned out, the only time available when she had called to set up her appointment, was late afternoon - close to breaking in to early evening.

Tara knew there were vampires in LA, so she was hesitant. What if the interview ran over and she was cooped up in a building until after sunset? She was pretty sure she could take care of herself, but there was an underlying risk of danger; that was pretty much guaranteed.

However, even with everything that was at hand, she still went along with the interview.

She should have waited.

Stepping out of the door of the art museum, Tara let the door close behind her gently, as she looked up at the night sky. The stars twinkled at her, as if they were some how communicating in an unknown language.

Taking in a lungful of air, she closed her eyes and breathed out calmly, steadying herself for her journey back to her hotel room. When she opened her eyes, she took a slow stuttering step on the sidewalk before gearing up her feet to move.

She walked swiftly, or as swiftly as she could. She wanted to get to her temporary home in one piece, unharmed.

Her hands swung at her sides as she walked. Tara's mind was occupied with thoughts of Sunnydale, Willow, and the job interview she had just finished. Somehow her mind kept going back to, Willow. She wondered how the redhead was doing and if she was thinking about her, too.

The blonde was aware that they needed this time apart, but her heart was having a hard time accepting it. Her mind was cloudy from her feelings, her body felt numb. Had her senses been clear, she may have felt the approach of the stranger behind her, but alas - it was too late.

When Tara felt a chilled hand cover her mouth and her body pulled roughly back against her attacker, the flesh suffocating her lips muffled her scream. She felt her head being tilted to the side, her neck exposed to the night air and before she knew it, the creature growled and then she felt the pain of the vampire's teeth sinking into the left side of her throat.

She tried to scream again, her body struggling for freedom from the clasps of the demon, but he was just too strong. Her right arm shot up, her nails digging into the vampire's arm that was attached across her chest holding her in place.

The demons hand slipped away from her mouth for a brief second, but it was just enough time for her to let out a gut-wrenching scream before the vampire once again covered her lips.

She could feel the draining of the blood from her body, bit by bit, but it seemed like as soon as the vampire had attached himself to her throat, he was now being roughly pulled away.

Tara stumbled forward, her legs giving out from underneath her as she fell to the pavement. Turning her head to the left, she could see her attacker in the shadows across the street, fighting with someone - the person she assumed had rescued her.

Wincing in pain, Tara brought her right hand up to her throat, covering her wound. She applied as much pressure to it as she could. When she saw the man hurrying over to her, she panicked. Her body tried to back up, her palms scrapping against the cold pavement and she crab walked backwards.

"It's okay, miss," she heard the voice say, as he continued to step closer to her, his hand exposed palm side up to her, flashing at her as if asking her to stop moving away.

Something about him, whether it was his presence or his voice, she couldn't put her finger on it - but she felt safe. He didn't feel like a threat to her.

Watching him finally kneel in front of her, cautiously lifting his hand towards her neck, pushing her hair aside to inspect her skin, she felt her body calm and then start to fall backwards as she began to faint.

Before she lost consciousness, she could remember feeling two strong arms wrapping around her and scooping her up.

"That's all I can remember. When I woke up, I was in a strange bed in a room I didn't know. Once my eyes had focused, I looked up and that's when I saw him. He was sitting on the bed beside me, wiping my forehead with a washcloth. I couldn't help, but start to cry. He saved my life, Willow."

Tara squeezed her eyes more forcefully shut. The memories of that night were rushing back to her. "When he... the vampire, when he bit me, all I can remember thinking was that I wanted him to take my life. I didn't feel like I wanted to live anymore."

Looking up, the blonde's eyes locked with Willow's green ones and she whispered. "I felt lost without you," her voice quieted at the end.

Tears were streaming down the hacker's face as she stared into her lover's eyes. "B-baby, I'm so s-sorry," Willow stuttered. She leaned the rest of the way forward and embraced the blonde, squeezing her for all she was worth.

"I-it's not your fault," Tara said against the other girl's neck.

"Yes it is. I forced you away. It was my fault that you left and so it's my fault that... that t-thing... attacked you." Willow's tears continued to fall, her arms tightening around Tara's back more forcefully. She clung to her like her very life depended on it.

Letting gravity take over, the blonde Wicca let her body fall back onto the bed, pulling her lover down on top of her. She felt the redhead's naked flesh fall between her legs as she snuggled into her embrace, Willow's arms never letting up on their hold around Tara, only now they were hugging her waist.

"I-I love you, Willow," she said gently.

*****

Willow was resting her cheek on Tara's right shoulder, lying on top of her, lightly tracing the scar on her girl's neck with her finger. She sighed and began to speak in a quiet voice. "I still can't believe he just asked you to move in... and work for him on top of that."

Tara took in a deep breath before replying, "I think he might have felt obligated or something. We didn't really talk about it."

Lifting her head, Willow propped herself up on her elbow beside the blonde's right shoulder. She looked at her finger, still tracing the visible scar. "I'm sorry I didn't notice this before. Does..." her voice trailed off into nothing, unsure if she actually wanted to complete her question.

"Does what?" Tara asked, picking up on the other woman's hesitation.

Shifting her eyes from her finger to sky blue eyes, she held them briefly before speaking. "Does it hurt?" Her voice sounded somewhat frightened, not being able to fathom the thought of her love being in pain.

Tara took Willow's hand away from it's tracing and brought her knuckles up to her lips, kissing them softly while closing her eyes. "Not any more. I still have nightmares sometimes though," she admitted.

"I'm sorry," the redhead sympathized, sorrowfully.

"It's not your fault, sweetie. It was mine. I was stupid to not be prepared while out at night. I did have a stake, but it wasn't anywhere where I could have grabbed it quickly enough." She kissed Willow's hand again while her mind traveled back to that night and her own stupidity.

"Why didn't you use magic?" Willow asked, but when Tara locked eyes with her, she shifted her vision away. "I'm sorry."

Cupping her cheek, the blonde turned her head back to look in her eyes. "It's okay and to be honest, I wasn't thinking about it. Like I said, my frame of mind wasn't exactly the best. Part of me wanted him to just bite me and get it over with."

Her eyes filling with tears at this, Willow let her head drop slowly, not looking at Tara. "I've... caused you so much... pain," her voice was barely audible.

Tara had to force her tears from forming, closing her eyes for a second before opening them and speaking gently. "So have I. For you, I mean."

Looking up at this, tears slipped down the hacker's cheeks. "You didn't do anything wrong, baby. You didn't." She turned her head to the right, letting her lips rest on Tara's palm, giving it lingering kisses, calming her tears.

After a moment of silence, Willow turned her face back and looked at Tara again, her voice still soft but not as emotion filled. "You know, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I agreed to be taken." Her voice was somewhat sheepish.

Smiling, Tara rubbed her thumb over her girl's cheek before gingerly pushing her fingers up and sifting them into Willow's hair, cupping the back of her head. "It wasn't?" her voice purred, trying to coax her soul mate to move closer to her.

"No," Willow answered, letting herself be led.

As the blonde continued to pull her head down towards her, she asked, "What did you have in mind?"

Willow paused when her lips were inches away from Tara's, still resting her weight on her elbow, "Can I show you?"

Licking her lips, the gentle woman looked down at Willow's luscious lips and then brought her eyes back up to the green. "Please," her voice almost desperate.

The redhead leaned down and with a soft, "I love you," to her companion, they started to kiss passionately, her hands taking Tara's, entwining their fingers and lifting them above her lover's head.

Her lips started to trail away, kissing their way to the right, trailing down the side of Tara's neck until they come to her pulse point. Her tongue snuck out, hesitantly tracing the bite marks on the woman's neck.

When Tara moaned, Willow traced the scars more confidently before cupping the flat of her tongue around the skin and sucking it into her mouth, earning a moan from her partner.

Tara was taken aback by the hacker's action at first, but soon gave into it. She unlaced the fingers of her left hand from Willow's and brought it down, resting her palm on the back of Willow's head, her fingers massaging the scalp.

She spent a few minutes, sucking and licking her lover's neck before moving her lips to Tara's throat. She kissed and nipped her way along the flesh.

Tipping her head back, the blonde gave her more room. Her breathing increased, soft noises escaping from her lips, her fingers still massaging.

Willow paid the same attention to the other side of Tara's neck, the fingers of her own left hand leaving her soul mate's and coming down beside the blonde's cheek, quickly joined with her other hand at Tara's other cheek.

Her lips gradually moved back to Tara's, as they kissed passionately again, their tongues dancing.

The blonde's right hand came down and rested on top of Willow's back, caressing her skin up and down as soft sighs escaped into the mouth covering hers.

The hacker moaned when Tara's thighs squeezed her own from their position in between the blonde Wicca's legs.

When their lips finally pulled apart, Tara spoke breathily, "Straddle my hips."

As Willow did this, they both bit off a moan when their centers rubbed together.

Quickly grabbing her lover's waist, the blonde begged, "Don't move."

Willow caught on to what she wanted, gently starting to rock her hips, rubbing herself on the other girl.

Tara moved her thighs apart a little more, giving them more room.

"Oh Goddess, that feels good," the redhead groaned loudly. Lifting her hands from Tara's stomach, she slid them up to her breasts, cupping the flesh in both hands and rubbing her thumbs over the nipples.

"Mmmm," Tara groaned out herself, moving her hips with Willow's, tipping her head back briefly before looking up at the redhead. "You're so beautiful," she adoringly whispered.

"Not as beautiful as you," the other replied, dipping her head down to her partner's right breast, running her tongue in a circle around the areole.

Tara's back arched, pushing more of her breast to the redhead's tongue.

Cupping the nipple with her tongue, Willow began to suck on it, gently at first but eventually hungrily. Flicking the stiffened nub with her tongue, while her other hand tweaked the nipple of the blonde's other breast.

Tara's hands squeezed the other woman's flesh, from their position on Willow's waist.

Their hip movements were speeding up now, arousal taking over.

Her lips separated from her love's nipple with a pop, a groan escaping Willow's lips. "Gods, you feel so good. I want more," she breathed, lifting her head up and attacking Tara's lips in one fluid move.

"I... love... you..." Willow affirmed between kisses, before plunging her tongue into her girl's mouth, kissing her deeply.

The blonde's hands gripped around Willow's waist more forcefully, making their hips stop their movement.

Ending their kiss, the hacker looked into her girl's eyes. "What's wrong, baby?"

"N-nothing, sweetie... I just..."

"What?" Willow asked, kissing her softly.

"Want more, too." Tara gave her a half grin.

"OH!" Willow smiled, rolling her hips forward again, teasing the other girl.

"Mmmm..." Tara moaned throatily. "Lift your hips for a minute."

The redhead did as she was requested and her lover moved her right hand down, sliding her palm under Willow's pussy. "You're so wet."

Settling back down, she stayed still for a moment before moving herself against Tara's hand, soaking her skin with her juices.

"Gods..." Willow moaned out in pleasure.

The gentle blonde inhaled sharply, the movement causing her own knuckles to rub against her clit. "Oh, wow..."

As Willow moved against Tara's fingers, they shared each others moans, the redhead moaning loudly when one of her girlfriend's fingers slipped past her outer lips, brushing over her opening before pushing upward, filling her to her knuckle.

"Ahhhh..." Willow cried out, her hips stilling, her hands resting over Tara's breasts.

Tara stilled, suddenly afraid that she had hurt the other girl. "A-are you okay? Did I hurt you?" She asked terrified, trying to move her hand away.

Willow's hand gripped the blonde's wrist, holding her still. "No! Just, give me a minute. I...I haven't, um..." she blushed, embarrassed.

"You haven't..." Tara left the sentence open ended, realizing why Willow stopped.

"No... I-I mean, I have, but...not like that." She looked anywhere, but into those soulful eyes.

"Sweetie, look at me," the blonde asked, softly. Once their eyes reconnected, she admitted, "I understand."

Willow smiled, but looked somewhat shocked as well. "You do?"

"Yes, it's okay. Take as much time as you need. I don't want to hurt you."

Holding Tara's eyes, her hand let go of her wrist and came back up to rest over the neglected breast. Slowly, she let her hips start to move, adjusting herself to being filled again.

"That feels good. You feel good inside me."

"You're so wet and warm." Tara moved her finger a little bit, stroking Willow's inner walls.

"Mmmm," she moaned, leaning down and kissing Tara. Looking deeply into her eyes, "More."

"A-are you sure?" the blonde searched her eyes for any uncertainty.

Lifting her hips up, the hacker whispered, "Yes."

Tara nodded and as Willow lowered her hips again, her middle finger and index finger were enveloped around warm flesh.

"Oh Gods," Willow breathed, leaning down to kiss Tara again.

Neither woman was sure who initiated the movement, but their hips were now moving slowly against one another again.

Breaking the kiss, the redhead moved so her left hand now rested on the bed beside Tara, her other hand stroking down her girlfriend's arm and coming to rest over her bicep. She let her hips slowly start to raise and fall over Tara's fingers, her head tipping back with pleasure.

"Uhhh, that's feels so good."

When Willow started to pick up the pace again, the blonde's eyes rolled back as her knuckles started to brush against her clit again. "Willow," she breathed, her breaths whimpering with the air around her.

"I love you," the girl answered back, removing her hand from the bicep it was holding hostage and bringing it down to the bed on the other side of Tara, lowering her head down, her lips immediately finding her lovers.

Their lips brushed together languidly, opposite from the movement of the rest of their bodies.

Willow moaned into Tara's mouth when she curled her fingers inside of her, brushing up against her g-spot. "Goddess," she said into her partner' mouth.

Tara's left hand lifted and smoothed up and down the redhead's back, caressing her flesh with passion. When their hips started to move faster, she pulled out of the kiss breathlessly. "Willow... I'm..."

"Don't stop," the redhead pleaded, her breathing verging on erratic. She pumped herself on Tara's fingers, stroking her g-spot over and over again.

"Fuck..." she moaned with pleasure. " I'm close." Arching her back, the blonde tipped her head back onto the bed as her chest slid against her lover's.

"Me too," Willow groaned, her hips rolling faster. She latched her lips onto Tara's left nipple, sucking it hungrily into her mouth, bathing it with her tongue.

Tara moved her thumb and brushed it against Willow's clit, applying enough pressure to make the other girl abandon her nipple and cry out.

"Ahhhh... Tara, I'm... I'm..." she couldn't say anymore, her hips stilling as she bathed her lover's hand with her juices.

Seconds later, Tara cried out, arching her back again. As she slowly came down from her high, she stroked her free hand lovingly over the redhead's back, calming her.

Moving her hips back, Willow extricated herself from the other woman's fingers and let her upper body gently fall forward, lying fully on top of her lover.

Tara pulled her right hand out from underneath Willow's body and lifted it up to join her other on the girl's back, hugging her close.

As they breathed together, their breaths beginning to fall in sync, the hacker buried her face in her girlfriend's neck, content in just resting there.

The blonde opened her eyes and whispered; her voice filled with emotion. "I... I love you, Willow."

Willow lifted her head, looking down into blue eyes. "I love you, too." Her strength coming back, she rested her elbows on the bed beside the blonde and leaned down, gently kissing the full lips she loved so much.

The kiss was slow and sensuous, expressing every emotion that they couldn't physically say. When Willow did finally pull away, she was silent for a moment, just looking into Tara's eyes.

Tara could sense that she was concentrating, trying to figure something out. When she spoke, her words were gentle. "What is it, sweetie?"

Willow smiled, her girl knew her so well. "What was his name?"

The blonde's brow crinkled. That wasn't what she was expecting. "Who?"

"The man that saved you. What was his name?" Willow shifted her weight to her left arm, her right hand coming up to trace over the scar on Tara's neck again.

"Oh... A-Angel," she waited for a reaction.

The redhead looked at her in surprise. "Angel?" she almost squeaked.

Tara just nodded her head slowly.

Willow was silent for a brief moment, before, "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Lowering her head to her neck again, the smaller woman snuggled into Tara's embrace, mentally making the note to call Angel and thank him for all he has done for her girl.

*****

The room was silent. The only sounds came from the sleeping woman, who was lying on her back. Her hair was fanned out over the pillow under her head. Her right arm was resting over her stomach, while her left was raised up over her head, the elbow bent so her forearm rested on top of her hair.

There were soft murmurs escaping from her lips, her breathing was even, indicating her slumber.

The woman lying beside her however, was far from resting peacefully. In fact, she hadn't slept at all that night. Her mind was occupied with questions and emotions.

Willow was resting on her right side, looking at Tara, observing her sleep, as she thought about the night before. She smiled at the visions of their lovemaking.

Although, thinking about the night before also made the redhead feel incredibly ashamed. Not ashamed for what they had done or the night in and of itself, but more for the following morning and she she had done that day.

She couldn't believe her behavior and the things she had said and done to Tara. She had almost messed things up completely, her pride getting the best of her. Her behavior had been forgiven, but it was something she would never forget. In fact, it was high on her list of things that she needed to ask her own self, forgiveness for.

Learning that the only reason Tara had come back to Sunnydale was because of a job opportunity, didn't help matters either. The blonde had told her that she didn't even want to come back and if it hadn't been for Angel's encouraging her to do so, to just throw caution to the and and just do it, that she wouldn't have returned. She would still be in LA, miserable, thinking about the woman she loved back in Sunnydale and whom she thought didn't love her anymore. How wrong that assumption was.


Tears started slithering down Willow's cheeks as everything flashed in her mind at once and when the woman beside her breathed in deeply, she couldn't hold her emotions in any longer. She started to weep, her tears flowing unchecked, as she moved in one quick motion and gathered her lover in her arms.

Tara was startled awake at the sudden movement and pressure on her chest. Looking down, she found Willow's left arm gripping around her stomach and her partner's face buried in her chest. She could feel the moisture on her skin as well.

"Willow, what's wrong? Are you okay?" She pulled her left arm down from behind her head and wrapped it around the other's girls back as she waited for her to respond.

The only response Willow gave her though, was to scramble closer to her as she buried her face in the blonde's neck, soaking it with her tears.

Squeezing her more tightly, Tara pleaded with her for an answer. "Sweetie, please! What's wrong?"

Willow didn't move, instead she spoke from the other girl's neck, her voice somewhat muffled. "Me."

The blonde frowned, the fingers of her left hand sifting through red hair. "What's wrong with you?"

"I'm an idiot and I don't deserve you." She shook her head against warm skin.

"Willow, will you look at me?" Tara's voice was calm, but it had a worried twinge to it.

Wiping her eyes on Tara's neck, the redhead whimpered as she pulled her face back and looked into her lover's eyes.

"There you are." Lifting her hands up, her palms cupped around Willow's cheeks and her thumbs wiped away her tears. "Why do you think you're an idiot?" she asked gently, trying to soothe away whatever was bothering her girlfriend.

Squeezing her eyes shut for a brief second, Willow opened them back up and when she spoke again, her voice was barely audible. "I am. I... earlier... the things I said to you and did, I..."

"Shhh," Tara interrupted her and tried to calm her. Leaning forward, she kissed her forehead. Looking back into her eyes, she spoke again. "I thought we already talked about this?"

Nodding slowly, the hacker agreed. "We did, but... I... I'm so sorry, Tara. So sorry." Her tears started to fall again and her head started to dip down, but almost immediately she felt her face being lifted back up.

"I know you are and I forgive you, but..." her voice trailed off and Tara smiled softly.

"But what?" Willow questioned, not understanding the smile. The arm around Tara's waist unlatched and her hand smoothed upwards, coming to rest over the other woman's heart.

"But... it's going to take more than that for you to push me away. I love you." Tara kissed her gingerly, lingering for a moment before pulling away.

"I don't want to push you away, baby." Willow's voice was sad, but direct. She leaned into the touch from the hands on her face, closing her eyes.

Smiling, the blonde's thumbs wiped away the last remaining tears on her girlfriend's face. "Lie down with me. You're exhausted, sweetie."

Opening her eyes, Willow nodded. When the hands left her face and Tara opened her arms, she went into them gladly, resting her head on her girl's shoulder. She closed her eyes and listened to the blonde's breathing.

"I love you, Willow," Tara whispered, her voice full of emotion.

Lifting her head one more time, the redhead met her lover's eyes. "I love you, too." Leaning down, she kissed her softly before laying her head back down on Tara's shoulder.

"Don't leave me," her voice was vulnerable.

"I'm not going to leave you," the blonde reassured her, running her hand soothingly over her back. "I promise."

"Never?" Willow's voice whispered, her exhaustion finally taking over her body.

"Never," Tara agreed. She listened in the silence for a few minutes as Willow's breathing evened out, indicating she had fallen asleep and shortly after, she too succumbed to its calling.

*****


TBC