Cause and Effect

Warning: Subject matter of this chapter may be disturbing for some. Rape -- though not real graphic. Torture, Angst. (This is as bad as this story gets, folks. This chapter is the climax of Spike's captivity.)


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Chapter Seven
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Spike shuddered as he came awake, those brief moments between sleep and waking confusing to him. It was in those shadowed moments that he knew himself. He was Spike. Those moments slipped away too quickly to be firmly grasped, however, leaving him furiously searching his mind for that elusive tidbit that teased him every time he woke. It spoke of happier times. It spoke of freedom. It was like a half-remembered dream, and it was frustrating.

Most times, he simply thought of himself as Vampire. That's what everyone else around here called him. When Leader and Other hurt him, they called him Vampire. When Doctor brought him blood, Doctor called him Vampire. When Pretty Boy took him, he called him Vampire. He didn't need any other name here, so when full wakefulness descended he set aside the shadows that whispered words and names of people and places that hurt to call to mind. He curled his knees to his chest, the air cold against his bare flesh.

A whisper of wind across his skin, a touch. He didn't even startle anymore. He knew that touch all too well. It was the touch of Pretty Boy. He shuddered, and asked. It was expected, though he knew it would change nothing. He did what he was supposed to.

"No, please."

A chuckle met his question. "Now, now, Vampire, none of that," Pretty Boy whispered, his touch growing demanding.

The manacles around his wrists slipped away, and Pretty Boy urged him to his knees. He went. He remembered a time when he fought this taking. He remembered it brought more pain, and more taking. He remembered it stopped nothing.

He closed his eyes at the sound of a zipper, though the hood he wore didn't allow him to see anything anyway.

Warm hands wrenched his ass cheeks apart, and Vampire clenched his fists, and grit his teeth together. He knew what was coming, the silence of it all a sinister counterpoint to the ugly pain to come.

Stabbing, like a knife shoved into already tender flesh, and vampire grunted. He remembered screaming. Screaming made Pretty Boy laugh. It made Pretty Boy thrust harder. He didn't scream. He never did, anymore. He simply bore it.

Pretty Boy thrust in and out of him, grunted, and gripped Vampire's hips in bruising tightness.

Vampire shut it all out. It would be over soon. It always was these days, not like it had been in the beginning -- when he'd fought.

The grip tightened, Pretty Boy's rhythm faltering, then a sigh above him, and Pretty Boy slipped out shortly thereafter.

Vampire was grateful. It'd been espcially quick this time. Curling onto his side as Pretty Boy released him, Vampire ignored the drip of fluid onto his thigh, resolutely shutting out everything.

"You're no fun anymore, Vampire," Pretty Boy whined.

**Does that mean you'll leave me alone, now?** Vampire thought pleadingly, and considered, for the briefest moment, actually saying it out loud.

"I remember when you screamed and struggled, Vampire. That was *so* much fun. You remember, don't you?"

**I remember,** Vampire thought uneasily. **I wish I could forget.**

"Hmmmm, I'm sure I can come up with something that would make this fun again," Pretty Boy continued thoughtfully, running his along Vampire's arm.

**Please, no,** Vampire begged silently, shaking his head in protest.

"I bet I could make you scream again, Vampire. In fact, I guarantee it."

As Vampire shook his head again, not sure whether he was denying Pretty Boy's claim, or simply asking not not to try, Pretty Boy rose and zipped. "See ya later, Vampire," he said with a final swat to Vampire's flank.

**He's going to leave me unchained?!**

"Oh! Almost forgot. Can't be leaving you free to roam around, now can we?" Pretty Boy asked as he clamped the manacles around Vampire's wrists again.

**Oh.**

"Be back soon, Vampire," Pretty Boy whispered delightedly, "I've got an idea."

Vampire shuddered, wanting nothing to do with Pretty Boy's 'idea'.

After that the room fell into silence, swiftly followed by darkness. Vampire longed to know if he was truly alone, that all the silent ones were really gone. For all he knew they could be standing on the other side of the room, watching, staring. As much as he hated being alone, he hated being watched more. The not knowing made him feel even more exposed that his nakedness.

When seconds ticked by turning into minutes, Vampire allowed himself to relax. He swallowed, trying to wet his dry throat. He never had enough to drink here. It made swallowing, talking, even screaming difficult. Even without being able to see himself he knew he looked pathetic. He was painfully thin, badly dehydrated, and covered in bruises in various stages of healing.

Maybe if he could just figure out exactly what they wanted him to do, then maybe they'd let him have more blood.

At the distinctive sound of a door opening, Vampire sat bolt upright, pain and fear coursing through him. **Who?**

A polite cough sounded from across the room and relief flooded through him, followed swiftly by a surge of joy. **Doctor!** Doctor meant safety. No one hurt him when Doctor was here -- though there was a tiny part of him, deep down inside that rebelled against that assessment. Something told him it was wrong, but he couldn't hold onto the thought long enough to bring it into focus, because it was at that moment that the smell of blood hit his nostrils. His stomach contracted in a painful cramp, and a whimper escaped his dry, scratchy throat.

**Food!** he thought joyously, inhaling deeply. **Human!** While his mouth tried to water, and he wondered why Doctor was being specially nice today -- what had put him in such a giving mood -- Vampire did not ask. He well knew that too many questions sent Doctor away, often before he'd given Vampire his food. The gnawing hunger that was a constant part of his being would not allow him to do anything that might jeopardize this meal -- nor the company it provided.

He was alone so much here. There were times he even welcomed the beginning of the pain, simply because it meant an end to being alone -- except for Pretty Boy, he *never* welcomed Pretty Boy's presence.

Doctor knelt beside him, setting the almost steaming mug on the floor. Then, surprising Vampire, Doctor released one of his arms from the manacles. Vampire blinked twice before the shock faded enough for him to tentatively reach for the mug he knew was sitting right in front of him. Expecting to be reprimanded for doing so, he moved slowly. He couldn't remember the last time he'd fed himself.

Doctor chuckled indulgently. "Go ahead, it's yours."

Grinning, Vampire snatched it up, happily savoring the hot taste as it flowed over his taste buds and slid deliciously down his throat.

"I've got a surprise for you today," Doctor said after Vampire was almost finished, and then reached up and removed the hood that covered fully half of Vampire's face.

Vampire instinctively slammed his eyes shut, fearing the light of the room.

"It's dark," Doctor said soothingly, and immediately Vampire inched his eyes open.

"You do?" Vampire asked shyly, feeling as though the surprises would never end today -- and for a change they se to to actually be *good* surprises.

"Yes, I do."

Eyes widening in anticipation, Vampire quickly finished his meal, for the first time in a long time wanting something *other* than more blood. "What is it?" he asked eagerly, hoping it was alright to ask.

If Doctor's indulgent smile was anything to judge by, the question hadn't been out of line, and Vampire breathed a sigh of relief.

"You'll see," he said.

Vampire felt a small tendril of resentment flare up, but it was gone before he could fully register it. All he knew was that it came from the same place that haunted him while he slept, and just as he woke. He wished he could finally silence that voice. All it did was disrupt his time with Doctor, and bring pain from the others. That voice meant nothing but danger. It led to more hunger and more pain. It didn't bother him nearly as much as it used to. Though, he remembered a time when it did.

He shook himself out of those thoughts. There was enough time for that when he was alone -- again. He wanted to savor the time he had with Doctor, not wile it away locked inside his own mind.

"Come on," Doctor said as he reached up and released Vampire's other arm from confinement.

Shock raced through Vampire. Doctor had never dared free him before. **Dared?** That didn't seem quite right, but Vampire instantly shushed the suddenly insistent voice that clamored for attention. He would *not* listen to it. It was trouble.

He looked up expectantly, unsure what to do. The only time he'd been released from his manacles in recent memory was when Pretty Boy came, or when Other came to take him to Leader. That was when the pain began. Joy and fear competed for dominance inside him. This change in routine threw him, and he wasn't sure he liked it.

Though this change was better than being alone, routine meant he knew what was going to happen, and could prepare for it. He couldn't prepare for something e die didn't know what was coming, though he did like being free of the cutting manacles, he admitted to himself as he carefully, gently massaged his raw, inflamed wrists. A part of him noticed the tautly stretched flesh spread thin over sharply prominent bones. He was too thin, that much he knew. He tried to remember a time when he hadn't been, and couldn't. It seemed he'd always been this way.

//No, you haven't.//

He sighed. Knowing that it was just the way things were, despite the despised voice's insistence otherwise. At least he knew he was safe with Doctor.

"Come on," Doctor laughed. "It's okay." Glancing down at Vampire's wrists and running a gentle finger over them, Doctor continued. "Maybe we can even do something about that."

Vampire smiled shyly and rose slowly to his feet, never once having thought of disobedience. It simply wasn't done; disobedience meant unending days of utter silence and solitude. His legs were unsteady beneath him, kinda rubbery, like they weren't sure whether or not they could support him. He really hadn't used them much in a long time.

Doctor reached out a supporting hand and cupped his elbow.

"Thank you," Vampire said quietly as Doctor escorted him out of the room.

"You gonna even give me a hint?" Vampire pleaded moments later.

Laughing, Doctor shook his head. "Nope, it'll be more of a surprise if I don't."

Vampire shuddered uneasily under Doctor's guiding hand. They were now in a part of the building he'd never seen before, someplace completely new. Surprises had come to mean bad things, and it was difficult to shake a sense of dread, despite Doctor's reassuring presence.

Doctor grinned and stopped before a closed door. "Close your eyes," he asked playfully.

Vampire grinned at the tone. Maybe he hadn't grown to hate *all* surprises, because unexpectedly, he was beginning to anticipate this one with excitement instead of fear. Doctor's tone hinted at a true treat. He did as he was told.

Listening as the door opened in front of him, a wave of heat rushing over him, Vampire willing followed as Doctor pulled him inside. He didn't bother trying to stop the hesitant grin, even as he automatically catalogued everything he sensed around him.

**Big room,** he thought. **warm, too, comfortable.**

"I think you'll like this surprise," Doctor hinted.

Vampire's grin grew. "Yeah? Give me a hint," he asked playfully, really beginning to enjoy himself.

"Nope, that'd spoil it all."

Vampire thought about pouting. He remembered a time when that was an effective method for getting what he wanted, but before he could decide, Doctor pulled them to a stop. Vampire shivered in anticipation when then simply stood there, Doctor not saying a word. Finally, impatience got the better of him and he asked, "Can I look now?"

Doctor laughed delightedly. "Yes, dear, Vampire, you may."

Grin growing yet again, Vampire did so, and gasped, his stomaching flipping painfully. Eyes widening, he tried to hold back his dismay, the fear that was suddenly back, sitting like lead in his belly. Pretty Boy, Other, Leader -- everyone -- was there.

Pretty Boy and Other stepped forward, flanking him, each grabbing an arm.

Vampire turned haunted eyes toward Doctor, his fear turning to terror despite his best efforts. "Why?" he asked.

Doctor smiled, a wide malicious smile, sending a shudder through Vampire's frame. "Because I can," Doctor replied, stepping forward and leaning close. "Because I *want* to," he whispered into Vampire's ear, then backed out of the way.

**No,** Vampire thought. **this isn't happening.** In shock, he didn't struggle as he was led closer to the table, he was too busy trying to figure out where he'd gone wrong. What had he done to make Doctor turn against him?

He frowned as that little voice surfaced again, and one word reverberated through his mind. //Wanker!// Shoved roughly onto the table, manacle-like straps securing him down, Vampire was jerked from his thoughts, and away from the taunting, disdainful voice. He frowned, however; there was something there, something he couldn't quite put his finger on. He just wished--

Leader reached out, holding the detested hood, while Pretty Boy lifted his head.

"No," Doctor said from a distance, "leave it off."

Leader looked surprised, but did as he was told, turning to face the human that Vampire now realized had held all the controls.

//You knew it all along, you bloody git!// Vampire frowned, suddenly feeling a sense of utter disgust sweep through him. //How could you let them do this to you?// And suddenly 'Spike' was there, and everything that had happened, everything these humans had done stood out in stark relief in his mind's eye. He trembled.

"Remove his eyes," Doctor said starkly.

**What?!**

Above him Leader grinned.

**No!**

Leader held up two metal instruments, one looked like a cross between a spoon and a nipple clamp, the other was more like a pair of salad tongs with tiny grappling hook-like claws at the end of each scooped end.

Dread filled Vam--Spike as he eyed first one then the other. **This can *not* be happening!** he denied, a whimper escaping him.

Leader frowned as he unknowingly echoed Spike's focus. "Hey, Doc," he called out over his shoulder, "you want the eyes intact, or not?"

"Intact," Doctor replied after a moment, and Vam--Spike almost sighed in relief, having pictured them slicing out his eyeballs one tiny piece at a time. "I'd like a souvenir of this moment."

Spike swallowed convulsively, his stomach heaving, bitterness, as well as disgust at himself, surging through him. And through it all, he couldn't make himself struggle, couldn't make himself hate the callous human who stood out of his line of sight. It was his own fault he'd been brought to this point; what was the point of hating the manipulator? No, Spike didn't hate Doctor, he belonged to Doctor, right down to the eyeballs the sadist was going to have removed; he hated . . . himself. He hated himself for not having fought harder. He hated himself for not fighting now. He hated himself for wanting, even now, to beg Doctor not to do this.

Leader nodded and tossed aside the tongs in favor of the spoon-clamp.

Vampire didn't beg. Begging didn't do any more good than fighting did. It was useless. Only now, that snarky, vicious inner voice had free reign and Vampire could no longer tune out Spike's taunting condemnations.

**No!** he thought suddenly. **It's not my fault!** No, it was Spike's, that inner voice that he'd never completely gotten to shut up. Vampire was good; he minded. It was Spike that had ruined everything, that had turned Doctor against him.

Vampire's eyes widened as Leader brought the device closer. Dread swamping him, Vampire slammed his eyes shut, clenching them tightly and turning his head to the side -- anything to make it more difficult. **Please no,** he thought desperately. **Please!**

Warm hands gripped his chin, firmly pulling his head back, but as fingers tried to pry apart his eyelids, Vampire began to struggle, violently jerking his head from side to side. He *had* to avoid that . . . that . . . thing. He didn't make a sound as he fervently kept avoiding letting the humans keep his head still. **Not gonna happen!** he thought, feeling more alone than he'd ever felt before. The eerie silence as he fought, drowned out by the frighteningly complete silence within his own mind.

"Hold him still, damn it!" Leader snapped.

Pretty Boy and Other each grabbed his head, preventing his earlier thrashing, but even then, they cannot hold him completely still.

"Strap his head down, you idiots!" Doctor ordered.

Betrayal washed through Vampire, and tears leaked out the sides of his eyes as Pretty Boy and Other finally manage to hold him still long enough to secure straps, cinching them painfully tight across both his forehead and his chin.

He twitched as that dreaded spoon was once again brought closer.

Pretty Boy and Other once again grab his head.

He clenched his eyes shut. He didn't want to see what was happening, but his eyelids were pried open by the two who held him.

"Wait, Doctor said suddenly.

Relief flooded Vampire in a nearly orgasmic wave and he had to fight to keep from passing out.

Doctor stepped forward leaning down into Vampire's limited field of Vision. "You asked why, earlier."

Vampire tried to nod, but forced out a dry, hoarsely whispered, "yes," through his sore, gritty throat.

Doctor laughed. "Because you don't matter; you're less than nothing. You're *just* the paper the words are written on -- the paper that gets thrown away once the message has been read."

A single whimper escaped him before Doctor once again stepped back. He screamed as the cold metal slid into his eye socket. He smelled his own blood as it spurted, leaving splatters across his face. Then he knew nothing but the sereing pain until everything went black.


TBC
Kiristeen
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And yeah, I know, *ewwww*. lol Is for me too.
Kiristeen@kiristeen.com
And believe it or not, lol, this was written waaay before the 'Xander moment'.