Complement

VI – I Can't Explain

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I've wrapped myself up ~ In a universe again ~ And let the darkness quell ~ My matchflame confidence ~ And unwillingly I hide ~ The lever I must find ~ To release the deep ~ The tears withheld inside ~ But I can't explain ~ I can't make sense of the things I'm saying...
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She was sitting on the other side of the bed across from her lover pretending to read. In reality, she was watching her over the top of the book. It still amazed her that they were together, every once in a while she had to pinch herself just to make sure it was true.

"Hey there's staring going on here, definitely staring."

"Sorry."

"I don't mind staring; staring can lto oto other things, like smoochie type things."

She scooted quickly over across the bed, a little smile played across her mouth. She leaned down and lightly kissed her lover. She felt her lover reach up and run her fingers caressingly through her hair. It sent a shudder of pleasure coursing through her body. Her lover deepened the kiss, delicately parting her lips with her tongue. She pulled away and began teasingly tracing her lover's lips with the tips of her fingers, and placing soft kisses along her check, and down the side of her neck. Occasionally letting her tongue sneak out to taste the sweetness that was her lover. She leaned back and opened her eyes.

That's when she saw the time on the clock beside the bed.

"Crap!"

"What?"

"We're going to be late."

"Don't wanna go! Wanna stay here, definitely here, not there."

"We have to! We promised; now open your eyes..."

"No, and no again," she struggled to open her eyes only to see her own patented Resolve Face staring right back at her. "Damn!"

Tara just smiled at Willow. The glint in her eyes letting Willow know that they would, without a doubt, finish what they had started later.
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Willow felt Tara staring at her again as they were walking to the Magic Shop. She saw that Tara had on her How-do-I-say-this, face. She smiled at her encouragingly.

"She wasn't lying."

"Who?"

"Faith."

"Tara." Now it was Willows turn to wear the How-do-I-say-this, face. She didn't want to hurt her feelings but Tara had only met Faith once, and Willow knew from experience how good an actress Faith was.

"Tara," she began again, "I know she might have sounded sincere, but Faith is a pretty good actress. She had all of us fooled."

"I know but she wasn't acting." She said forcefully, and without a hint of doubt.

"How can you be so sure? I mean, Faith was evil, maybe she's using some kind of magic or something..." But Willow knew that it wasn't true, if Faith had been using magic to cover her true self she would have known. Plus, there was Angel, who Buffy said was convinced Faith had changed.

"I am not sure how to explain it or even if I can. It has to do with a person's energy, it's like I sense as well as almost see it. Whether their energy is in balance, or conflict, peaceful or calm. It was how I explained it to you when I knew it wasn't Buffy when Faith switched their bodies or rather the essence in their bodies. The energy didn't belong in that body. It was in conflict, out of harmony, there was no unity to it."

Tara honestly didn't know how she knew these things, they just sort of came to her, and she had learned over the years to trust these feelings. She silently cursed herself for not being able to explain this better. How do you explain something that isn't exactly tangible, that was more abstract?

"It's a good thing if she's changed. But there is still that whole tried to kill us thing, and well I don't think that I can just forgive her for that, even if she has changed. I'm not even sure if I would have given her a second chance like Buffy is doing, and she did far worse things to her. How do we know she won't just go back to how she was? ......Are you really sure she wasn't lying?"

"Yeah I am." Tara hesitated unsure, but decided it was best to tell Willow the truth. "She did lie once though."

"I knew it; Faith wouldn't be Faith if she didn't. She must be doing something to hide who her true self is, even from you. I guess she couldn't maintain it though, 'cause you saw through it. I knew it couldn't be true." Willow had to wonder a little if it was more that she didn't want it to be true, because she didn't want to give Faith a second, fourth, hundredth, whatever number it was chance.

"No Will. The only thing she lied about was how she got the bruises on her face."

"I don't want to know do I?" Willow knew she didn't, she was afraid of the answer, which deep down she already knew.

"She didn't get those bruises from vampires. I... I... think you know how she got them."

Willow knew, it was more she just didn't want to know. She had seen the look the two Slayers had exchanged, and she hadn't missed the guilty flush that came to Buffy's face when she had mentioned them. She also knew that Buffy hadn't hit Faith in self-defense. Had she, Faith wouldn't have lied. If Faith was lying, why hadn't Buffy said something? Faith was covering up for Buffy, but why?

They were silent on the rest of their walk over to the Magic Shop. Willow thought about Faith. The Faith she had known would have used this to her advantage, would have tried to make Buffy out to be the bad guy and herself the self-sacrificing martyr. Oh look at me, Buffy's hitting me for no reason! The more Willow thought about it, the more she didn't like any of the conclusions she was coming to. Buffy was changing and Willow didn't like it one bit.
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It was a quarter past nine as Buffy was walking down the street towards the Magic Shop. She wanted to get there early to talk with Giles about Faith, get his take on the whole situation. It was unlikely however, that in her current state of mind she would take heed of anything he said unless it was in total accord with her owoughoughts on the matter. She paused right before the alleyway that was next to the shop.

"Faith," she said in a low snarl, a second before the Rogue Slayer stepped out of the alley. "Lurking in the shadows now, waiting to pounce on some unsuspecting passerby?"

Now that Faith was back, Buffy had opened up the connection they shared at least to the point where she was aware of the other Slayer's presence before she actual saw her. Obviously, Faith had too, since she stepped out to the crosswalk almost the same instance Buffy spoke her name.

"No... I... ah... just got here. I heard a noise in the alley and went ta check it out, it was just... a... ah... cat?!?"

In reality, Faith had been standing in the alley since eight-thirty trying to work up the courage to go inside. She was a little nervous about facing the Scoobs on her own, who had already been there when she arrived. Like Buffy, she had been hoping to get to talk with Giles.
fy sfy studied Faith's face, and knew she was lying, what she saw there surprised her though. Faith was nervous, Buffy couldn't remember when she had ever seen her nervous before. Wait, no, that wasn't true, Faith had been nervous the night she had shown up for Christmas Eve dinner after turning down the original invitation. She had shown up with some transparent excuse about the party being a big drag. Buffy remembered thinking that she had looked so endearing, shy, nervous and all, standing in the doorway. She remembered having to fight down the urge to pull Faith into a hug and kiss her she had looked so damn cute. 'In a friendly, sisterly-ish way,' Buffy told herself.

"What's the matter? Is big bad Faith afraid to go inside all by her lonesome? Were you waiting on little ol' me to come to protect you from the mean ol' Scoobies? Is this a new game Faith? Were you waiting for me to play too?"

Damn but she loved to tease Faith, had alwayved ved the banter that went on between them, it was something she missed; only now there was meanness in her undertone and words that had never been there before. Like everything else that concerned her reactions to Faith, Buffy chose to ignore it.

Faith's blush was all the answer Buffy needed. Buffy just smiled at her, and walked towards the door not giving her a chance to answer. Faith gave a little sigh of relief she had already made an ass out of herself once today with that lame excuse for being in the alley, she didn't have any desire to do it again.
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The Chosen Two entered the shop to a chorus of, Good mornings, which they returned. Although Faith's greeting was directed more at the floor than at any individual. She could feel their general distrust, resentment, and even a little bit of fear, with some hate thrown in for good measure at her being here. Angel had warned her this wasn't going to be easy, but she hadn't expected it to be so hard.

It hadn't been this hard the first time she was in Sunnydale, but then again the only one whose opinion of her she really cared about back then was Buffy's. The Scoobs would have just been icing on the cake. Things were different this time; she cared about their opinion of her almost as much as Buffy's.

Not wanting to force her presence on them, she mumbled to the room in general someg alg along the lines of going to the training room and doing her Tai Chi before they started. She started to walk then stopped realizing she didn't even know where they were going to train, if it was here or somewhere else. Xander saw her confusion and pointed to the back with a smirk.
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Faith was pretty impressed with the training room. She looked around hoping to see some weight lifting equipment. There wasn't any, too bad, she liked working out with the weights, liked the way her muscles looked all cut. She supposed she could always join a gym.

She had already done her Tai Chi this morning. It was part of her morning routine, after she had her coffee that is. First coffee, definitely coffee first, Faith was not now and never would be a morning person. Hell, she was scared to even talk to herself in the morning before her coffee.

She wandered around the room feeling for the right spot to do her Tai Chi again. She found a spot over by the one of the few windows in the room. Facing the sun, she cleared her mind and began the tai-yin or Taoist Breathing exercises Angel had taught her. She began moving going from the Cloud Hands to the Winds Sweeps the Plum Blossoms movements smoothly, with familiar ease and purpose. She went deep into her own mind to her center and let the tranquility find her.

Faith didn't notice the others as they came in one by one to watch her. Collectively they thought she was a beautiful sight, and for a time forgot just who they were watching. Tara was seeing, feeling the same blue energy Buffy had seen the other night at Angel's apartment, it only served to reaffirm her feeling that Faith was not the same person whose energy she had seen in Buffy's body. She could sense that the others were feeling it in varying degrees too. Tara reached out and clasped Willows hand, leaned in close to her and whispered in her ear.

"Clear your mind, and try to see / feel the energy that surrounds and is part of her with more than your eyes."

Willow nodded agreement to Tara and cleared her mind, much like she did before casting a spell. She allowed her eyes to become slightly unfocused and opened her mind and senses to room. She was beginning to get a very good glimpse of what it was that Tara sensed / saw. The calm and tranquility she felt coming from the Dark Slayer surprised her. Willow lost her focus when she saw Buffy start to move across the room.

Buffy moved towards Faith, as if being drawn by an invisible thread. She longed for the tranquility the other Slayer seemed to have found. It had been a long time since she had that kind of peace in her life. She moved next to the Slayer, she was familiar with the movements of Faith's exercises; Angel had started teaching them to her a long time ago. She practiced them sporadically. Buffy began to move with Faith, and Faith, who eyes were closed, sensed Buffy presence.

Faith felt Buffy's hesitant movements and her struggle to find her focus. So she opened her mind further, and visualized her energy, her tranquility encompassing them both. Tara let out a little gasp as she saw Faith's energy expand to include Buffy, as the essence of both Slayers merged.

Buffy felt Faith reach out to her with the connection they shared as Slayers. She resisted it, not wanting to open herself to Faith that fully, but the need for the peace, the calm overcame her resistance. She relaxed as she realized that Faith was not trying to do anything more than share with her the tranquility she herself, was bathed in.

Only a few moments before they had thought they could not see a sight more beautiful than Faith. Now the sight before them, of the Light and Dark Slayer moving together as one, stunned and transfixed them. A glimmer of understanding came to Tara as she watched them. Quietly so as not to disturb them, Tara shooed the others one by one out of the room, closing the door softly behind her.
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They were standing side by side, with their eyes closed, neither wanting to break the silence. Both knowing once it was broken that things would go right back to the way they were. But at least for a little while there had been a fragile peace between them.

"Thank you," Buffy said quietly, then just as quietly retreated back behind the wall that Faith already hated.

"Ready?"

Before Faith even had a chance to respond, she got knocked on her ass. "No fair B."

"Tell that to a vamp the ntimetime he sneaks up on you F." Buffy said coming at her again. This time Faith was ready for her and dodged her, it was Buffy who ended up on the floor this time.

Buffy jumped up and with an evil grin, and a wicked look in her eyes came for her yelling;

"Woo Hoo let the fun begin!"

Faith froze for a second at the memories those almost exact words elicited. She ended up on her ass again.

Faith got up and quirking an eyebrow held out her hand, palm upward, and beckoned for Buffy to come and get her.

They trained for two hours, emerging from the room into the Magic Shop covered in sweat. Anya caught a whiff of them and wrinkled her nose. They were walking over to the table to sit down when she stopped them.

"No. Out. Shower. You will smell out the patrons." When they kept moving towards the table ignoring her, she yelled at them again. "OUT! NOW! You both smell. Not a good smell, not like from sex. Although there is a little of that sme......"

"OK! OK we'll leave, were gone, see, gone here!" Buffy cut her off before she could go where Buffy was almost sure she was going.

They stood outside of the shop awkwardly. Now what?

"Now, what, what, B?"

Shit, she hadn't realized she had spoken the words out loud.

"Now, we, ah, go get something to eat. Because frankly, I don't trust you to feed yourself. You look like shit Faith. It's obviously affecting your fighting because you hit like a girl today." Buffy ignored the flash of hurt she saw in the other Slayer's eyes. It never once occurred to her that Faith had not actually hit her full force on purpose today. Buffy had failed to notice that Faith had either, blocked, dodged, or simply hit her with enough power to get Buffy away from her.

"Whatever B, you're the boss."
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Faith stood outside of Giles apartment, and as was par for the course today she was trying to work up the courage to knock on the door.

She was here for dinner, not because she was wanted, but because Buffy told her to be here. After lunch, Buffy had made it very clear again, that she didn't trust Faith to feed herself. Without coming out and saying it she knew Buffy thought this was all part of game she was playing. Like she would actually starve herself to death to get Buffy to let her back into her life! Right! There were other things she could do, things she could tell Buffy, that would work better than this if she wanted to.

Buffy would have been surprised if she knew just how much Faith was eating. For once, her Slayer metabolism was working against her. While it had been easy to lose the thirty or so pounds after what she called, The Incident, it was four times harder to put it back on. She had only managed to put ten pounds back on. It didn't matter though because twenty pounds lighter on what was already a lean thin frame, still made her look like someone had caged her up and had given her only bread and water for a very long time. Which was pretty close to the truth, the difference being that the cage had only existed in Faith's mind.

'Fuck it, no time like the present.'

Faith walked up to door and knocked. Giles answered, and with a polite, Good evening, led her into the dining room, where Faith sat down to one of the worst meals of her life.

By the end of the meal, Faith had the urge to run for the very first time in a year. She had no idea what she had eaten, nor could she eat it fast enough. Buffy and Giles had spent the whole meal watching her eat. What did they think she was going to do, feed it to the nonexistent dog under the table? Not to mention that they didn't ask her if she wanted seconds, they just gave it to her. She ate it too, afraid that if she didn't Buffy would force feed it to her.

After the meal was over, she excused herself to use the bathroom. When she came out, she caught a guilty looking Buffy standing outside of the door. She could have sworn Buffy had been listening at the door. What the fuck? Did Buffy actually think she had gone in there to bring up her food? 'Apparently,' Faith thought to herself.

Faith was just grateful that no one had asked her how or why she had lost so much weight. She wasn't ready to share what had happened with either of them. She didn't want to regain their trust because they felt sorry for her. She didn't need anyone's pity. The words still didn't come easy, she was still struggling with it, and talking about it brought up not only memories of Allen but of her other ugly secrets. And that, she hadn't even begun to deal with. She had repressed a lot of the memories, tried to deny them, pretend they weren't hers but some other Faith's. There were times though when they would catch her by surprise, it she heard a certain phrase, or saw a certain sight. Most of the time she could force the memories back into the box she had been keeping them locked up in for years; but sometimes they would escape and when they did she was caught in their grasp helpless to escape them until they finished playing out their twisted rerun, leaving her cowering in terror.

'Shit this sucks!' Faith thought for about the millionth time.

After the dishes were washed and put away, Buffy announced it was time to sweep the cemeteries. She waited for the usual shit-eating-grin that Faith would always give her when it was time to, Go-A-Slaying. Instead all Buffy got was a mumbled, K.
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Buffy had just dusted two vamps and turned in time to see Faith jumping off a tombstone and launching herself at three vampires.

Faith sensed the other vampires before she saw them. Ever since she had learned how to focus her energy, it was a rare thing when they were able to sneak up on her. She quickly staked the vamp in front of her, still loving the little poof they made when they turned to dust. She turned and saw that three vamps were trying to sneak up behind Buffy while two other vamps occupied her. She needed to get over there fast.

Faith ran jumping onto the tombstone in her way and launched herself at them. She kicked one squarely in the chest sending him flying a few feet away into a tree with a satisfying thud. One she took out with a stake while still in the air and then gracefully landed on her feet like a cat. The third turned and tried to run, she kicked him in the back of the legs, sending him to his knees to lfaceface first in the dirt. She turned and with a flick of her wrist hurled her last stake at the one by the tree who was coming at her from the side.

"Faith!"

Without even turning her head Faith caught the stake Buffy tossed her and staked the last vampire who was just getting up off the ground.

"Yee-fucking-ha!" she said under her breath. God that had felt great! Even with all that had happened, she hadn't lost the joy she felt when she was slaying. She still thought it was the best thing that had ever happened to her in her whole fucked up life. She had found a renewed pride in the fact she had been chosen and no longer thought of her being called as a mistake. She was a Chosen One and she fucking loved it.

"Thanks B," she said turning around. Buffy was staring at her with a little bit of amazement in her eyes and a speculative look that Faith didn't like at all.

"Welcome," Buffy said automatically. She was still thinking about what she had seen. She had intended to go help the Rogue Slayer when she had turned around, but had stopped in her tracks and watched instead amazed. It was Faith the wild child, the same Faith who was so passionate about slaying, who took pleasure, joy in it, but at the same time it wasn't. This Faith had taken out those three vamps just like, just like... 'I would have.' This Faith was no longer the slay-by-the-seat-of-your-pants Faith; she had achieved the focus and control they had tried to instill in her the first time she was here in Sunnydale. Buffy was impressed but she would never tell Faith that.

Another thought came to Buffy as she stood there; Faith certainly hadn't hit those vamps like a girl. In fact, despite how thin she was she seemed stronger than ever before. Buffy began to wonder at what game Faith had been playing at today during training. It never once crossed her mind that Faith hadn't hit her with everything she had because she didn't want to hurt her. Why should it, Buffy was convinced now more than ever, that Faith was up to something.

"Come on, let's go get something to eat."

Faith groaned at the thought of another silent, awkward meal with Buffy, but she was hungry. So she followed along after Buffy in a very unlike Faith puppy-dog way.
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Faith was fuming on her way home from the diner. Another fucking meal with Buffy watching her to make sure she ate every bite. She was surprise Buffy didn't order her to lick the goddamn plate clean. She still couldn't believe the conversation. No, not a conversation, Buffy talked and she sat there listening dumbfounded with her mouth hanging open.

"Faith"

"B," Faith said with a mouth full of food.

'Ok so I still need a little help with the manner's thing.'

"Here's the deal. Starting tomorrow be at my house by eight."

"Eight!" Faith squeaked.

"If you don't like it you can always leave." Buffy waited until Faith nodded her head in agreement before she continued.

"Again, be at my house at eight for breakfast. Then we will go to the Magic Shop. First Tai Chi, followed by a minimum of two hours of training. Maybe longer for you, we'll have to see what Giles thinks. Then lunch. Then you can go to the gym at least until we get some weight equipment at the shop. After the gym, shower, then dinner, then slaying, and if you don't like it you can leave, 'cause leaving is definitely still an option."

'Fuck if Buffy didn't sound just like Wesley,' Faith thought.

Faith actually had to sit on her hands to keep herself from saluting. Instead, she just nodded her head in agreement.

'You forgot the fucking milk and cookies, and naptime General B!'

Hell she had, had more freedom in jail.
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As each of the Chosen Two drifted off to sleep that night, it was with thoughts of the other. They would have been surprised at just how different those thought were.
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"Welcome again Child"

'Great there goes a good night sleep!'

"Hi," the Slayer once again found herself in the cavernous room with the Fates. She walked over to the loom and gazed down at the tapestry. She didn't think there was a word to describe the number of Life Threads there were. It staggered her mind to think that each one of them was a life. She could see where some started and ended, while others started or ended somewhere else in the Tapestry whose beginning and end was somewhere beyond the confines of the room.

The Slayer didn't doubt that the Thread of Life that was hers was frayed. She searched in the tapestry hoping to figure out which was hers, at the same time looking for the threads that belonged to the others in her life. The Slayer had a sneaky feeling that theirs too would be a little bit frayed.

"That is not for you to know yet."

"Did you just read..."

"No," Atropos said cutting her off.

'Guess even immortals can be rude.'

"It is what most think about or want to know when they look upon the Tapestry."

"So why am I here this time?"

"Come sit here by me." Atropos beckoned the Slayer patting the cushion next to her.

She noticed that they were now in a small cozy sitting room. The Slayer walked over and sat down. She felt comfortable with the old woman. She had done a little research on the Q.T. about the Fates. The Slayer had discovered that while all three Fates were feared, Atropos was feared the most. She alone was the one who could end a life, be it god, immortal or human. Strangely enough, the Slayer had no fear of her. She wondered if it was because she already knew her life would be short and was grateful for every sunrise she was granted by this ancient woman.

"There is a great darkness coming."

The Slayer gave the old woman the And-Your-Point-Is? look.

Atropos just smiled at her, she genuinely liked the young Slayer. She was just sorry... no... it was better not to think about that... Atropos had learned after all the years, whose numbers she herself could no longer count, it was better not to let emotions get in the way of what it was she needed to do. The last time she had done that Chaos had ensued and she promised herself to never, never do it again. While she had saved one life from a harsh destiny, thousands of others had suffered because of it.

"Yes Child I know this is nothing new to you. Unlike the other times, the emissary of the coming darkness was not a God. She, Glory, as she now calls herself, can not be defeated in the same way as the others."

"You know who she is?!!? What can you tell me about her?"

"What I know about Glory is not for you to know."

"Yet?" The Slayer asked hopefully.

"No Child, I wish that I could but I can not. I can only tell, what I can tell." Atropos saw the puzzlement on the Slayer's face.

"In other words, I can not directly tell you anything. In the end it is still up to you how you use or what you do wite kne knowledge I do give you and the things I can tell you."

'Oh great, this is like a prophecy, I hate those even more than Slayer dreams,' the Slayer groaned to herself.

Atr smi smiled, amused at the Slayer's expression, and again as if reading her mind said;

"Yes this works much like a prophecy! But time grows short and I still haven't told you what I need to tell you. Know that this time you cannot win by yourself alone. You will need the help of others."

"Whose help?"

"You will know who to choose when the time comes."

"But..."

Atropos just smiled, nodded, and faded away into the darkness.

The Slayer was once more in her own bed dreaming of the other half of the Chosen Two.
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...The crystal tears ~ Are sliding down again ~ Your moonlit cheeks ~ And soaking silken lips ~ If this pain is so real ~ There's a hand that someday must heal ~ And give us the words ~ That time steals and won't let us Say – Sixpence None the Richer
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Continued in Chapter VII – Need To Be Next To You