Magical Upchuck

Fandom: BTVS/ Charmed
Summary: Xander is temporally turned into a girl by Willow. Before he turns back into himself he meets Chris Halliwell. The Chris from the future and Xander have sex. Now an very male Xander is pregnant with a child from a man that’s not even born yet. This idea is from a challenge I read but couldn’t find again. Don’t remember who gave the challenge but I thought it was a great idea.
Archive: Slash. Male on Male. Maybe some het too! Mpreg!
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“Maybe I shouldn’t have done that mort-poc attraction spell?” Xander backed up as a horde of said demons started toward her intently. Xander groaned at the sight of so many red eyed demons. A tall demon that looked like a beach body builder reach out for Xander and grabbed her arm and pulled her toward it. The bulky demon sniffed Xander’s arm purred and started licking her skin, another demon grabbed her other arm and pulled at the silver bracelets a greedy gleam in it’s malevolent eyes. Then another two demons came up behind Xander and started pulling at her shiny leather clothes, Xander could hear the seams stress and start to pop. Feeling like a lump of pulled taffy Xander flicked her fingers pushing the demons away and making them fall on their butts. Waving her hand to the right Xander tossed three demons across the bar, then used her magic to pull one of the knives from Gilly and skewered it into a demon in front of her. The demon dissolved into dust leaving just the knife imbedded in the wooden dance floor.
Mari started pulling the girl out of the box and tried to ignore the writhing clown dolls that reached out for her. The clowns eyes rolled and soft hissing noises left their frozen black and red mouths. Tossing more demons away Xander helped Mari untie the frightened black haired girl. Xander looked toward Felix to warn him to run only to see him and his red eyed grinning friends shimmer away. Xander frowned, there went some of her mort-poc’s.“Let’s get out of here!”
Using her power Xander threw a wave of chairs, tables, and drinks at the demons, forcing the roaring bloodthirsty crowd to fall to the ground. “Think Xander! Think! I need a spell! Um . . .Burn these demons here and now, hurry up before we’re turned into chow!” Xander watched as all the mort-poc demons burst into flames leaving just Gilly and a couple of hungry looking horned demons. Xander watched the other demons burn for a moment only to have the flames go out and leave them snarling and sooty.

“Ok, we are so done here!” Mari yelped when fireballs and energy beams were fired at them. Mari grabbed the bound girl and Xander’s hand and orbed them all away. They reappeared in Xander’s car. “Let’s go!”

Xander didn’t need to be told twice. They got on the road as the bar door was thrown open, demons spilled out and threw last minute fireballs at the car. Their snarls echoing out into the air sending a chill down Xander’s spine.

Stopping outside her motel Xander climbed into the back seat and helped Mari cut away the last of the girl’s ropes then helped her take her gag off. “Are you Rice?”

The girl nods. “You’re a really strong witch! You have to help Jane and the others! Please!”

Xander shook her head and Mari gave the girl a sympathetic look. “Jane is already dead. I’m sorry.” Mari held her hands out and started healing Rice’s bruises and cuts.

Rice shook her head. “Jane’s body is dead but her soul is trapped in one of those creepy clown dolls. Each doll is a witch!”

Xander blinked. “Great! So now I need to find those escaped mort-pocs, free trapped souls, and kill whatever that Gilly guy is! I better look in the book.” She mumbled.

Mari rolled her eyes toward the heavens. “Your just one witch! You don’t have to do everything. The mort-pocs can wait. We need to help the trapped souls.”

“I wish I could be of help, I can only hover a couple of inches off the ground. I’m not much of a caster but I’m a good potion brewer! You can use my herbs if you need them? I have plenty!” Rice offered meekly as she looked at Xander through her hair.

Xander smiled. “Thanks.”

“I better get you home Rice, come on I bet your family is worried sick.” Mari grabbed Rice’s hand and orbed away.

Entering her room Xander fell onto the bed, opened the River book and found the page on Gilly. On the page was a hideous black and white clown face with a sharp toothed grin on it’s face. “So the demon wasn’t just kidding around he is the Master of Hijinks and Tragedies.”
***
Pulling the car up to the bar Xander cautiously got out of the car and looked around the bars perimeter. No demons. Just fire marks and broken furniture. Picking through the trash Xander looked around for something, anything, to use to find the demons. “What are you doing?”

Xander jumped and held her chest her heart thumping hard in her chest like a rubber ball bouncing in a small room. “Trying to find something of the demons so I can scry for them! You can help?”

Mari rolled her eyes then started digging through the broken burnt furniture. “Didn’t we just escape from here? We shouldn’t be here! The police could be here at any time and it’s not like we can explain any of this!”

Xander nodded. “Yeah I know, but Gilly could get away and start this all again. *Growl* It said in the book that he moves a lot. I want him gone! Him and Felix.” Xander wrinkled her nose when she lifted a leg less table top and found green blood, red chunks, and pale flesh chucks stuck to it. “Gross! It smells like ass!”

“When was the last time you sniffed butt?” Mari raised a brow.

Xander scrapped a bit of demon gore off the table with a piece of wood then stuck it in a plastic baggy. “I’m hellmouth born, it’s not a normal week unless demon booty is shoved in my face.”

Mari raised both brows. “I’m not going to ask. You hellmouth people are all weird.”

Xander let her eyes roam over the room one last time just to make sure she didn’t miss anything important. Going over to the stage Xander shifted through the wooden coffin and found one lone swath of rainbow fabric twisted around a nail. Xander grinned.
***
Xander held the piece of striped fabric like it was the holy grail or something. Plonking down on her shabby bed Xander flipped the River book open with zeal. “I’m going to get this demon.”

Mari frowned and pressed her mouth into a stiff bloodless line. “This could be real dangerous, we should really go for help. I don’t want to have to scrap you off a wall or something. You’re a new witch.”

Xander snorted. “O ye of little faith! Here read up on our target, the book has a lot of good stuff in it.” Xander tossed the book to Mari and stifled a laugh when she almost dropped it. “Butterfingers.”

“You should treat you’re book with more respect it’s very old!” Mari stuck her tongue out at Xander then read the paragraph about Gilly out loud. “‘A powerful higher demon with a talent for causing human pain. He is a collector of tormented witch souls. It is said that the eyes are the windows to the soul and this demon is able to trap a soul within the carved out eyes of its victims, making those unlucky souls relive nightmares. Each soul is imprisoned in a clown doll as a trophy and power source. Because Gilly moves around a lot no witch has been able to vanquish him. Many believe only a vanquishing potion with his flesh will kill him, since each clown doll is a piece of him all of him must be killed or he will return. This demon can shoot fireballs, freeze someone temporarily if he can hold their eyes, and project misery.’ Ooook . . . we need help.”

Xander shook her head. “I’ve been fighting for a while without magic and I’ve done good! I watched my friends do amazing things with it, anything can happen with magic. Don’t worry we can get this demon.”

Mari let out a bellowing huff that ruffled her short purple hair. “I’m your whitelighter I will always worry!”

“So do you think I could find this demon guy by scrying for him? Using the cloth?” Xander asked.

“Maybe, it’s one of the doll cloths right? Did you find something in the River book?”

“Yeah, I just need a finding crystal and a map.”

“I know where to get the crystal, I’ll give you the directions to the magic shop I know of. The witch there is a nice girl and she can answer some questions for you about basic spells and herbs.”

“Sounds good, it would be nice to have a day where someone I meet is not trying to kill me.” Xander said with a grin.

Mari frowned.”I never tried to kill you!”

“I should say not trying to kill me or turn my world inside out.”
Mari rolled her eyes as she wrote the address down and handed it to Xander. “Here get going you don’t want you’re demon to get away, do you?”

Using her power Xander pulled the note from Mari’s hand and had it float across the room to her. “Thanks. Be back in a flash!” Then Xander gave Mari a queer look. “You could do your flashy-flashy-sparkle-sparkle-thing and get me their fast?”

Mari crossed her arms and shook her head. “Nope! Against whitelighter rules.”

Xander huffed. “You did it before?”

“That was an . . . a special case! I’m not a taxi!”

“Fine, fine, I’ll drive.” Xander floated the keys to herself from on the counter.

Mari frowned. “You shouldn’t use your powers like that. Magic has consequences!”

“Everything has consequences.” Xander grinned and pointed at herself. “Duh!”
***
Stepping into the small herb shop Xander was surprised how clean and modern it looked. It looked just like the Magic box’s only a lot better! Looking over the shelves Xander let her hands brush over the small glass bottles of herbs and different shaped crystals. Everything is so organized.

“Can I help you?”

Xander wiped around in surprise and locked eyes with a middle aged woman with hair so blond it was almost white. Xander smiled. “Yeah, you can. I’m a new witch just starting out and I need supplies.”

The woman smiled. “Interested in anything in particular?”

Xander nods. “Yeah. Finding crystals and a map if you have it?”


“Scrying? That is very advanced for a beginner. Perhaps a book on the wiccen religion would be better?” The older woman said a she pulled a plastic covered book from one of her many shelves.

Xander shook her head. “I need to scry for a demon. Any history I could read in my book of shadows. I need to buy a finding crystal do you have it or not?”

The blond paused. “Come with me.” The older woman rushed off to the back of her shop leaving Xander to follow or not. In the back room Xander found a whole other herb shop only this one was very open and all around the room magical creatures.

Xander blinked. “Is that an elf at the cash register?”

The blond smiled. “So you are a real witch, if you were not magical all you would see is a dusty closet.”

Xander watched a pink fairy flutter passed her nose. “Huh. Ooook, so about that finding crystal?”

***
Halliwell house
***
In the kitchen Piper stirred a steaming pot of broth with a wooden spoon. Scooping up some of the soup Piper blows on it the held it out toward Wyatt who was sitting quietly in his high chair. “Want to try some sweetheart?”

Wyatt smiles and silently opens his little mouth. “Mmm.”

“That good huh?”

“Piper?”

Piper leans her head back as she stirs the soup. “In the kitchen Phoebe!”

Phoebe marches into the kitchen as she takes off her fancy dress jacket. “I’m bushed! This new radio thing for Ask Phoebe is really doing a killer on my free time.”

Piper holds out a spoon full of soup to Phoebe. “Try this.”

“That’s good! Chicken soup from scratch? Alright who’s sick, it’s not Wyatt is it?” Placing a hand on Wyatt’s forehead Phoebe frowns. “He seems ok. Who’s sick? You only make your special chicken soup when someone is sick!”

Piper shrugs. “It’s for Chris.”

“Chris is sick?”

“I think he got a cold from all his demon hunting, honestly what does he expect when he trounces around swamps and the underworld. Since he’s going to babysit while I go to P3 I thought maybe I should make him something good to eat. You know he doesn’t eat that healthy.”

Phoebe grins. “That so sweet Piper.”

Suddenly a bunch of orbs appear next to Wyatt’s high chair, standing before Piper and Phoebe is Paige and a worn out looking Chris. Paige turns to Chris and points a finger at him. “Ok, now sit down and rest. I don’t want to almost get turned into demon chow because you can’t help sneezing!”

Chris frowns as he sat down by Wyatt. “I sssay’d sssorry three times already! Gib me a break!”

“Ok, eat!” Chris blinks at Piper as she places a large steaming bowl of soup in front of
him. “Eat.” Piper shoved a spoon in his hand.

Paige was just about to tease Piper about acting like a mother hen when an unknown voice sounded upstairs in the attic. “Hello? Is anyone here?” Paige frowned and orbed upstairs to find a short purple haired girl. “Are you a Charmed one?”

“Um, yeah, who are you?” Paige asked cautiously.

“I’m Mari! Whitelighter. I need the Charmed ones help with a demon!”

Piper and Phoebe got upstairs just in time to hear that. “Great, just great. So much for going to P3.” Piper grumbled.
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