That Could've Been Me

Chapter Seven: Faith, Hope, and Tricked (Part One)

*God! I can’t believe I kissed her! She kissed me back! Am I a slut because I kissed two different people in one night?* Faith walked home alone deep in thought. She’d forced herself to have fun at The Bronze that night. She smiled and shrugged whenever anyone asked where Buffy had gone. * I have no fucking idea where she went other than away from me. *

Her heart hurt, her throat ached, and her eyes burned with spurned tears. A sob broke away and she angrily swiped at the wetness on her cheeks as she trudged through the cemetery. *Happy fucking birthday to me,* she thought bitterly.

When the two vampires came upon her, she was spoiling for a fight. She took her frustration out on the undead, reveling in the mayhem, pain and dust.
She got home at 1:20. The flat was dark and quiet. As stealthily as she could, she made her way to Buffy’s room and lay her cheek and ear against the door. Nothing. She opened the door and peeked in. Empty.

She sighed and tiptoed to the bathroom to shower away the roller coaster day. The hot water stung the little scrapes and bruises from the fight. After her shower, on her way back to her room, she paused to check Buffy’s room again. Still empty. Where was she?
Faith frowned and went to bed dejected.

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She woke up at 3:34 to hear Buffy come in the front door. Her whole body twitched with the urge to jump up and greet her. Instead, she took a deep breath and slowly pulled back the covers so as not to wake her mom and tiptoed to the bedroom door.

She peeked out just in time to see Buffy disappear into the bathroom. The sputter of the shower announced itself. Buffy was being unusually subdued. Typically, she would crash and stomp about, not caring who she disturbed. Was she feeling bad about tonight? Faith’s stomach crawled with the need to know what the older slayer was thinking.

Instead she had to settle for a restless sleep.

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Piercing, bright, cheerful, southern California morning invaded the slayers’ senses. In separate rooms, they groaned and rolled over to escape intrusive rays.

“Girls!” Maggie’s voice rang through the house. “Breakfast!”

They both sighed and sat up, knowing if they didn’t, Maggie would fetch them.

They both stepped out into the hall and stopped dead at the sight of each other. Both girls drank in the sight of a sleepy slayer in skimpy pajamas. Eyes gazed at bare legs, flushed cheeks and cute, mussed bed-hair.

Both girls jumped when Maggie appeared in the hall. “Good morning girls,” she sang cheerfully. “Breakfast is ready,” she said impatiently. “Let’s go, let’s go.”

They obediently trooped off to the kitchen without a word. Breakfast was awkward and silent. Buffy could feel Faith’s eyes on her and Faith wanted to howl with frustration because Buffy wouldn’t look at her.

“So, what’s the plan for the day?” asked Maggie, spooning herself a helping of scrambled eggs.

“Sparring and training with Giles,” mumbled Buffy.

Faith groaned inwardly. *No chance of talking to Buffy with Giles watchering.* She suspected the only chance of getting Buffy alone will be patrol that night.
Buffy was busy trying to think of a way to patrol that night without the younger, eager brunette. *Maybe even drag Willow and Xander with us. *

As painful as breakfast was, sparring was ten times worse. Every time flesh touched flesh, sparks flew. Giles was oblivious. His nose was buried in an ancient text, occasionally glancing up to monitor the fighting slayers.

Faith took deep breaths of Buffy’s scent and was soon saturated with her. Frustration and desperation clouded her judgment and her responses. Soon Buffy was mopping the floor with her.

Buffy could not keep her hands or her body off of Faith. She tackled and pinned her every chance she got. They were panting long before they were tired, overheated before they had overexerted themselves.

One of the few times Faith managed to sweep Buffy to the mat, she pounced and tried to pin her. And ended up with her hand on a breast. They both froze and stared into the other’s eyes, panting and sweating. Faith’s hand made the transition from sparring to foreplay as she squeezed Buffy’s soft breast. Buffy made an almost imperceptible gasp and Faith felt herself dip her head down for a kiss. Buffy’s eyes dilated and she lashed out with a hard fist.

Faith flew back a few feet and looked up to see Buffy bearing down on her, her face a mask of grim determination. The younger slayer scooted backward in alarm, her ass still on the mat. She managed to get to her feet in time for a flurry of pissed off Buffy fists. Most of them connected, leaving her with a bloody nose and a flock of little birdies circling her head.

“Hold!” barked Giles.

The slayers ignored him. Faith, now also pissed off, launched a flurry of her own. Somewhere in the back of her head, Buffy’s voice tickled her memory, use your anger, little girl. She felt a heat settle into her muscles as she moved faster than she’d ever moved before. Without checking her strength, she grimly utilized every weakness she detected.

Buffy’s head rocked back repeatedly from the blows Faith was raining on her. A crescent kick to the side of her head sent her to her knees.
“HOLD!!” Giles bellowed.

The slayers ignored him. Faith tackled and tried to pin the temporarily downed slayer. Buffy elbowed Faith in the face and the two slayers, one light, one dark, grappled fiercely on the mats, each vying for domination.

They came to an abrupt halt when a bucket of ice water was thrown on them. Choking and sputtering, they rolled away from each other.

When both pairs of eyes were finally on him, Giles calmly said, “Hold.” He raised an eyebrow and said sardonically, “I believe that will be enough sparring for today.”
Giles stood watching the girls as they glared at each other. Finally he said, “Faith, go get cleaned up. Buffy. A word.”

Faith made her escape as Buffy turned to her watcher, looking mutinous and apprehensive. He fixed her with a steely frown. “I want you to think very seriously about what happened just now.”

Buffy’s expression changed to slight bewilderment. Giles continued. “If that little display of adolescence were to happen out on patrol, you’d both likely be killed.” He leaned forward, keeping eye contact with the suddenly stricken slayer. “Now I understand that you are both teenaged girls and there are bound to be days where you don’t get along but… you will use your time in here to practice staying focused… not settling petty disputes. Do you understand?”

She nodded, chastised.

“Now,” he said, his voice and expression gentling considerably, “if there is anything you need to talk to about, you know that I am here for you, right? Anytime, night or day.”
She nodded again her throat aching as she blinked back tears. And everything was on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to tell him about Faith and Angel… she opened her mouth to speak…

Maggie entered the room. “Rough session today? Faith is all bloody. And wet.” Her arms were crossed and she had her protective-mom face on.

Giles ignored her as he stared at Buffy but she’d turned away. He let out a frustrated sigh and turned to smile at the ruffled mother. “Better here than out there, I always say,” he said with false cheerfulness. *So close,* he thought. “Some sessions are bound to be rougher than others. Nothing to worry about.”

Maggie’s eyes narrowed suspiciously but she didn’t press the issue. She left the room with a last glance over her shoulder at the preoccupied watcher.

“Well,” said Giles with false joviality, “seeing as how I used all of the ice on two brawling slayers, allow me to get some more ice for your injuries.”

“Don’t sweat it Giles. I’ll be fine.” Buffy’s voice was subdued and she wouldn’t meet his eyes. She slumped her way out of the training room to collapse face down on her bed. She could hear Faith’s mother and her watcher having what sounded like a heated discussion. They were keeping their voices down so Buffy couldn’t make out exactly what they were saying. She sighed and got up to change out of her workout clothes.

When she was dressed she headed out, keeping her footfalls as quiet as possible. Of course, Faith heard her leave her room. Buffy had her hand on the front doorknob when she heard Faith’s voice.

“Buffy?”

She stood still. “Yeah?” She kept her voice quiet hoping the bickering adults wouldn’t hear her.

“Are… are you ok?” Guilt and regret colored her voice, making it soft and thick.

Buffy turned around. “I’m fine. You didn’t beat me up that bad.” She forced a smiled on her face in an effort to reassure the younger girl.

“Why are you leaving? Where are you going?” Faith could not keep the plaintive note out of her voice and cringed at the childish tone.

“Well, I’d say that your bloody nose is pretty good evidence that I’m a bit stir crazy. I need to get out of here for a few hours. Alone.”

Faith looked disappointed but made no protest. “You’ll be back for patrol?”

“Yeah.” Buffy was out the door before anything else could be said.

Faith hung her head in defeat and went to the phone to call Willow. She relaxed a little at the sound of her new friend’s cheerful voice.

“What’s up?” Willow asked.

“Can I come over?”


“Absolutely. My mom and dad left for some sort of conference… somewhere. I don’t remember. Wanna spend the night tonight?”
“I gotta ask Mom but yeah, that’d be great.” The girls made plans and Faith’s heart felt a little lighter.

Over the past few weeks, during her assimilation to Sunnydale, Faith had spent a lot of time with the redhead and her best friend Xander. She liked them and enjoyed their company but, in truth, she was in awe of them. The had no slayer strength and still they fought. Willow used her razor sharp intellect and Xander seemed to function on pure heart and humor.

Oz and Cordelia added their own point of view which made Faith ponder her time in Boston. If she’d had a group of friends to assist and offer moral support, would her watcher still be alive? The thought of a slayer and her watcher fighting alone seemed like an old idea whose time was up. In fact, The Council seemed to be a distant, out of touch organization that really had no idea what it was like to fight every day.
Willow and Xander knew so much about the daily fight, Faith trusted them as much as she trusted Buffy. And not because they fought as well as she did, because they didn’t. They were completely aware of what their weaknesses were, and that was just as useful in a fight as the strong and fast slayer.

She went to ask her mother for permission to spend the night at Willow’s. An hour later, with a Giles-lecture about self control under her belt, found her on Willow’s doorstep. Willow answered with a cheerful hello and, “You brought your homework, right?”
Faith held up her book bag. “I may be dumb but I’m not stupid,” she answered with a grin. Willow laughed and stepped aside for Faith to enter. Two years of living on the Hellmouth near way too many vampires had taught the girl to avoid verbal invitations. Even in broad daylight.

As soon as Faith was settled, Willow asked the pointed question. “So, did you and Buffy have a fight?”

“What makes you say that?” asked a blushing Faith.

“Well, your bruised face, for one. And the reason you usually call me is to commiserate about Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”

Her hands flew to her face to the bruises she’d all but forgotten. “We were sparring this morning,” was her excuse.

Willow rolled her eyes. “I’ve seen you two spar. I’ve never seen you this colorful before. You two were fighting about something. So, spill.”

Faith felt tears fill her eyes and Willow became instantly alarmed and worried. She got up from her chair and sat next to her new friend.

When Faith felt Willow’s arm go around her she leaned her head on her shoulder. “Tell me what happened.” Willow’s gentle, concerned voice washed over her like a healing balm.

After a deep breath Faith whispered, “Scott kissed me last night.”

“Buffy thrashed you because Scott kissed you? Does she like Scott?”

“No.” Faith stood abruptly and began to pace around the room. “And Buffy didn’t thrash me… exactly. I dished out a little, too, y’know. And this isn’t about Scott… really.”

“So why bring him up at all? Other than to give me kissage details.”

“I’m confused! Everything’s really confusing! I kissed Buffy last night!”

Willow was silent for a moment before she said, “Oh. So you and Buffy have a thing going, not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course, except for the fact that Buffy kind of tends to maybe use people a little bit unless she’s changed which could happen especially since she was gone for a while and I didn’t even know that she liked girls or that you like girls, for that matter, not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course, and I already said that didn’t I?” She took a deep breath.

Faith stared at her in awe.

“Ok. That was a longer babble-fest than usual,” said Willow, red-faced.

“Xander told me but I had no idea…”

“That’s how I process unexpected information and in my defense that was quite a whopper.” Eager to get to the crux of the matter, she said, “So. You kissed Buffy last night.” Faith’s blush was accompanied by silence. Sensing there was more to the story, Willow gently prodded. “Then what happened?”

“Well,” Faith sniffled, “she kissed me back at first. Then she just sort of… got distant and pulled away. And then she stayed out ‘til 3:30 last night.”

“So… how did this lead to your face being bruised?”

“Oh man!” moaned Faith as she remembered what led to the fiercer than usual altercation.

“It’s too embarrassing.” She covered her bruised face with her hands.

“I think you know me well enough to know that I’m not going to judge you,” reassured the novice witch.

“Well… while we were sparring this morning,” she ventured, “I sort of… accidentally… coppedafeelandthentriedtokissher,” she said in a mortified rush. “It was weird. It was like I couldn’t stop myself!”

Willow was silent as she processed this information. “So she beat you up because you made a pass at her?”

Faith nodded and flopped back down on the couch next to Willow.

Willow gave Faith a little half smile. “One thing I’ve learned about Buffy is that she usually likes to be the one to make the pass.” When Faith face fell she gave her friend a comforting squeeze. “I think you might want to back off for a while. The last serious relationship she had tried to kill all of us before he tried to end the world. She might be a little gun-shy.”

Faith was frowning but she nodded in agreement. “Yeah. It’s gotten really intense really fast.”

“C’mon. Let’s get your homework out of the way and invite the gang over for movies and junk food.”

Faith agreed enthusiastically. “As long as you promise not to tell anyone about… well, you know.”

Willow made a face. “Umm… I can be a blurter. You might have to nudge me if I’m getting close to blabbing accidentally.”

Faith looked wide eyed and a little panicked. “Seriously?” When Willow nodded ruefully Faith said, “Ok, I’m duct taping your mouth before the gang gets here.”

“Fair enough.”

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Buffy, meanwhile, was scouring the sewers for vamp nests. She’d managed to clean up a small one and was feeling a little better. Especially because she got to smoke a few cigarettes. Happy day.

She was going through the nest looking for valuables when she felt vamp cramps. She lifted her head and was still, letting her slayer awareness expand, waiting for the stagnant, underground air to move with the approaching vampire. After a few moments of ominous silence Buffy heard it. A low, grumbling growl echoed its way down the dank tunnel. It sounded more animal than vampire.

The hairs on the back of her neck stood at attention and she pulled her stake out of her pocket. Without a sound she crept down the corridor. The growling continued in a steady rumble, bouncing off the concrete walls of the sewer. She couldn’t pinpoint the direction it was coming from so she just picked one and started creeping.
Almost immediately the sound started to fade so she retraced her steps to try and follow it. Unfortunately it continued to fade until it was gone, forcing Buffy to give up the search.

Eventually, she reluctantly made her way back home. Shadows were starting to lengthen and the air was becoming cool and ominous. Patrol in a few hours.

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Buffy knocked on Willow’s front door. She could hear the sounds of laughter within. Faith’s husky, hearty laugh was easily distinguished from the others. Buffy felt a pang of envy at the easy camaraderie of the gang. She fleetingly wondered when she last laughed like that.

Willow opened the door. “Hi Buffy,” she said loudly.

“Hey,” she answered with a mutter. “Faith ready to go?”

Faith bounded up to the door. “Hi Buffy,” she greeted cheerfully. “I thought we’d go to The Bronze first. Is that okay?”

Buffy groaned inwardly. “Yeah sure.”

Her answer was met with a chorus of cheers from the teenagers inside. Their exuberance was infectious and Buffy cracked a little smile.

The Bronze was crowded and loud. The press of humanity fed Faith’s anticipation. She felt herself shifting into hunter/slayer mode. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Buffy’s alert stance. They both scanned the crowd for vampires. Faith stopped when her gaze rested on Scott’s smiling face. He maneuvered his way through the crowd towards her.

“Hi Scott,” said Willow. “Fancy meeting you here!”

“Well, you told me Faith would be here,” he said grinning at Willow’s horrified blush. He shifted his gaze to Faith. “I’m a terrible liar. I get all sweaty and my voice cracks.”
Buffy felt and unwelcome chuckle burble out. *That was actually pretty damn funny*, she thought to herself, watching Willow stutter and stumble over her words. Buffy’s grin changed to a scowl as Scott whisked Faith away to dance.

And that’s how their time was spent at The Bronze. Buffy scowled, Willow smirked, Xander ogled, Cordelia rolled her eyes, Oz… meditated maybe? And Faith and Scott danced and chatted and laughed. And when the time came for patrol , he kissed her goodbye. Buffy scowled.

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They split into two groups for patrol. Xander and Cordelia went with Buffy and Willow and Oz accompanied Faith.

Xander and Cordelia wandered through the cemetery as bait while Buffy skulked in the shadows, out of sight. Cordelia, ever the actress, played the part quite well. She and Xander were able to lure quite a few fiends out into the moonlight for Buffy to kill. And though she never would admit it, even under torture, Buffy liked having them along.
Meanwhile, while Faith was busy doing her deadly dance with the undead, Willow told Oz about the Buffy/Faith kiss.

“Hmh,” he said.

“Hmf!? That’s all you have to say?” asked Willow, incredulous.

He smiled his little smile. “What did you want me to say?”

“I don’t know. Like, ‘Omigod!’ or ‘You’re kidding me?’ or something like that.” She squinted at him. “You’re not even surprised are you? You totally saw this coming! Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have babbled like a babbling fool if I’d had some warning. Some boyfriend you turned out to be! And stop smiling at me.”

“I can’t help it. You’re cute.” He stood up from the headstone he’d been sitting on. “And very sexy and kissable.” He kissed her softly and intimately before she could sputter out a protest. “And for the record,” he said pulling her into a slow embrace, “I didn’t know that Buffy and Faith were into each other. I don’t really spend a lot of my time contemplating anyone else’s love-life but yours and mine.”

She sighed a mollified sigh and returned his embrace. “Sorry I went all nutso soap opera on you,” she whispered.
He burrowed his face into her neck, breathing in her scent, making her skin tingle and flush hot and cold. She giggled and he wanted to growl and nibble on her. But before he could Faith came bounding up to them, flush from her kill.

“C’mon you two. Quit fooling around.”

“We have to make use of our time,” said Willow defensively. At Faith’s confused look, she clarified, “It’s close to Oz’s time of the month. Remember?”

Faith looked at Oz with wide eyes. “I keep forgetting about that.”

“I don’t,” was his eloquent answer.

“I guess not.”

“Ummm, Faith?” Willow’s voice was tentative.

“Yeah?

“I kinda, sorta… toldOzaboutyouandBuffy.”

“What?” Faith glanced over at Oz’s unreadable face.

Willow sighed. “I knew I’d end up telling him on accident, so I just beat myself to it. And this way, we’ll have someone to watch me and make sure I don’t spill the beans. Oz is very good at that.” She smiled warmly at her boyfriend.

“Well there’s no point in getting pissed off about it now,” she said resignedly.

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On the night before the full moon, with Oz unable to go out, Giles decided just the two slayers should patrol.

So after days of waiting to get Buffy alone, after days of gnashing her teeth as Buffy avoided her, Faith finally had the opportunity to talk to the sullen, reticent slayer.
She had no idea what to say or how to start. They walked and walked in complete and utter silence with not even a vampire to break the painful awkwardness.

“So how’re things going with you and Scott?” Buffy finally asked and instantly regretted it.

“Um… Things are fine, I guess. I mean he’s a really nice guy…” She trailed off, not sure what she wanted to say.

Buffy nodded. “So he hasn’t taken you to the woods for a little extra smooch?”

“No. He’s not like that.”

“Maybe he’s gay.”

Faith rolled her eyes exasperatedly. “Buffy! He’s not gay! God! Why do you do that!”

“Do what?” Buffy was all innocence.

“You know what I mean!”

“I just don’t see why he wouldn’t be trying something. I mean, he’s a guy and you’re…” She stopped when she realized where her sentence was headed.

Faith glared. “…and I’m… What, Buffy? Naïve and impressionable?”

“No! That’s not what I—”

“Young and stupid, then.”

“No! Stop putting words—”

“Then what am I, Buffy?”

“Beautiful!” she shouted and cringed. *Goddammit. Dammitdammitdammit!* She wanted to pull out her errant tongue. She snuck a peek at the younger slayer.

Faith was standing still, having stopped dead at Buffy’s one-word confession. Her heart was thudding in her chest. “You think I’m beautiful?”


*Oh god…* “It’s not a matter of what I think. You just are.” *Oh the babbling’s gonna start any second now. I just don’t know if it’s gonna be me or her or maybe both of us. Who knows?*

In three big strides, Faith was up against Buffy and pressing her lips ardently to hers. Unable to resist the lush mouth, Buffy opened to the kiss, letting Faith take the lead. Her arms twined around Faith’s waist as the younger girl’s hot, strong tongue swept into her and claimed her.