Don't Go

Tara opens the door as the first rays of sun come over the horizon, sighing quietly at the sight of Buffy curled up asleep outside the door. Feeling a streak of pain go through her, followed quickly by guilt at her actions, Tara kneels beside Buffy. Gently stroking a finger down Buffy’s cheek, Tara calls quietly. “Buffy, honey? Wake up.”

Buffy whimpers quietly, feeling cold inside and out. Hearing Tara’s voice and feeling her finally running her fingers through her hair, Buffy opens her eyes and practically launches herself at the Wiccan. Wrapping her arms around Tara, Buffy buries her face in her neck. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, honey…” Tara feels the tears come to her eyes as Buffy cries fitfully in her arms. The slayer having knocked her down to the floor and was literally trying to burrow into her. Running her hands firmly up and down her back, Tara presses a soft kiss to the top of Buffy’s head. “I’m sorry, Buffy. I should have told you last night that everything would be okay, I just needed some time to myself.” Tara whispers, hugging Buffy tightly.

Buffy shakes her head and grasps Tara’s waist tightly with her hands. “No. I was stupid and I knew better. I KNEW BETTER! I know you wouldn’t keep something like that from me intentionally without a very good reason. But I was stupid and hurt you, and I didn’t mean to. I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

Tara closes her eyes and presses her lips firmly to Buffy’s head, leaving them there. Just holding the slayer and letting her slowly calm down. As Buffy finally relaxes and her swirling emotions come under control, Tara sighs in relief. “How do you feel about sausage gravy and biscuits along with scrambled eggs with cheese for breakfast?”

“I’ll help.” Buffy offers quietly, Tara having been trying to teach her to cook, though not having much luck. Leaving the actual cooking to Tara, Buffy just does the mixing and prep work. Easing her grip from Tara’s waist, Buffy hops up and holds her hand out to Tara, easily helping the woman to stand. Wiping the tears from her face roughly, Buffy looks intently at Tara. Reaching up, Buffy strokes her fingers tenderly down Tara’s cheek. “I am sorry, Tara. You can’t know how much.” Buffy leans in and brushes her lips quickly over the shocked Wiccan’s lips before disappearing into their bedroom.

Tara blinks in surprise, the kiss so quick, with the slayer literally disappearing right afterwards, that Tara wonders if she imagined the whole thing. Lifting her fingers to her tingling lips, Tara slowly shakes her head when she realizes that it wasn’t her imagination. “Well, I’ll be.” Tara whispers, her lips curling up in a half smile before she turns and hurries into the bathroom.

***

Buffy tears apart four biscuits and pours a couple generous spoonfuls of sausage gravy over the biscuits and scrambled eggs. Smiling as she feels Tara gently rub her shoulder as she moves around the kitchen placing drinks on the island for both of them as she settles beside her to fix her own plate. Enjoying the easy silence between them, along with being in one of her favorite places in the house, Buffy starts to eat.

Tara gently tears a biscuit into bite size pieces before pouring a small amount of gravy over it, smiling as Buffy’s already tearing a couple more biscuits apart and throwing them on her plate to scoop more gravy onto them after she sets the spoon back in the bowl, extremely happy to see the slayer eating again and putting on much needed weight. “What do you want for lunch and dinner?”

Buffy looks over at Tara with a fork piled up with eggs, gravy and a piece of biscuit. “You know you don’t have to cook every meal, right?” Buffy tries again, having been having this same argument with Tara for the last week. Tara had even insisted on fixing her sandwiches and other things for lunch when she had to be at school.

“Yes, but I know you enjoy the food, and I like to cook.” Tara points at Buffy’s plate, grinning at the piled up food.

Buffy growls quietly, bringing the fork the rest of the way up and putting it in her mouth. Pulling the fork out while eating the bite of food, Buffy bounces gently against Tara. Finally swallowing, Buffy shrugs. “I’ll eat whatever you cook. But why don’t we just make sub sandwiches or something like that for lunch, instead of you actually cooking? I was thinking about taking you out shopping.” Buffy finally admits quietly, stabbing at a piece of biscuit with a huge hunk of sausage on it, quickly eating it.

“What?” Tara looks at Buffy in surprise.

“I need some more jeans and another pair of leather pants since one of them got ruined earlier this week. I thought I could entice you into driving me there if I offered to buy you some clothes.” Buffy grins hopefully at Tara.

“First off you don’t have to bribe me, Buffy. I’ll be happy to go with you to the mall. And I can buy my own clothes, thank you.” Tara grins crookedly at the slayer.

“But I wanted to buy them as a thank you.” Buffy pouts slightly as she pokes at her food without actually scooping any up on her fork.

“A thank you will make me just as happy. And why am I getting a thank you?” Tara furrows her brow in confusion.

“For everything you’ve done for me. For cooking and putting up with me and bratty Dawnie.” Buffy chuckles as Tara smacks her lightly on the leg. “Well, she can be a brat, you know.”

Tara hums noncommittally, before going back to finish her breakfast. “How about this, you can buy lunch at the mall and we’ll leave after we clean up from breakfast?”

“Deal.” Buffy nods her head and holds her hand out to Tara, chuckling as Tara rolls her eyes but shakes hands with her. “And maybe a movie while we’re there, if there’s anything good playing.”

***

“What in the world are you doing?” Tara tilts her head as she watches the slayer with an arm full of jeans and tops.

“Come with.” Buffy nods her head towards the changing rooms. Smiling apologetically at the woman, she nods towards Tara. “She’s the money bags, so she has to approve what I buy, is it okay if she goes in with me to the changing room?” Buffy puts her best innocent combination pleading look on her face.

Tara looks at Buffy and blinks before turning her gaze to the woman, smiling softly at her as she finally nods her head. “How many items do you have, Buffy?”

“Ummm…” Buffy shifts and tries to count them, chuckling as Tara takes a handful away from her, making it easier for her to count. “Fifteen pairs of pants and ten shirts.” Buffy looks hopefully at the woman, knowing they usually put a limit on the amount of clothes they allow you to take into the changing rooms.

Sighing quietly, Debbie waves the two women towards the change room. “Don’t make me regret this.” She warns softly, though the two women seem nice enough.

“We won’t.” Buffy grins happily and grabs the clothes, taking them from Tara and following the Wiccan into the changing room.

“Good thing these are halfway decently sized, or you’d end up knocking me out as you tried to put on the tops.” Tara jokes, helping Buffy hang the clothes up.

“Or maybe you knocking me out, too.” Buffy smirks as she hands a pair of jeans to Tara. “Try ‘em on.”

“Buffy, you’re not buying me clothes.” Tara states exasperatedly.

“Don’t argue with me. I may be little but I’s strongs….” Buffy makes a muscle in her arm, looking at it and poking it with her other hand. “Well, it don’t looks likes much, but its there!” Buffy narrows her gaze on Tara as the blonde laughs. “Not that funny.” Buffy pouts and tugs on Tara’s jeans. “Off!” Chuckling wickedly, Buffy tugs on Tara’s shirt, also. “Off!”

“Buffy!” Tara whines quietly.

“Come on, Tara. Please???” Buffy begs and flutters her eyelashes at Tara, grinning happily as she sees the capitulation in the woman’s eyes. Quickly stripping her own shirt off, placing it on a different hook, Buffy bends over, accidentally banging into Tara’s butt. “Damn. That sucker’s harder than it looks.” Buffy grumbles, rubbing her head while looking at the item in question. Curiously poking it with a finger of her other hand, squeaking as Tara yelps and turns around to look at her. “Sorry.” Buffy shrugs. “It was right there.”

“I’m going to see if the changing room next to this one is open, if you keep this up.” Tara warns with a narrowed gaze, trying to keep from laughing at the innocent looking slayer.

“Not my fault. They should make these rooms a little bigger.” Buffy grumbles, smirking as she leans back over, banging into Tara’s stomach this time.

“Okay, you’re doing this on purpose.” Tara smacks Buffy on the shoulder before shifting away from the slayer, watching her baby step towards her as she unties her boots. Putting a hand on the slayer’s head, Tara effectively stops the woman from coming any closer. “You keep that up, I’m going to buy a paddle and beat your bottom.” Tara warns, though the laughter bubbling from her after the comment takes the seriousness out of the statement.

“But I’ll fall if I don’t have something to lean against.” Buffy looks up grinning at the Wiccan. “Come on, Tara. What’s a little leaning and poking between friends?”

Tara blushes at the word poking as her mind takes a definite trip into the gutter. Closing her eyes, she tilts her head up silently beseeching the Goddess for the strength to keep from saying or doing something that’ll embarrass her, or Buffy.

Buffy frowns at the dark blush on Tara’s face, trying to think what might have caused it. Shrugging her shoulders, Buffy moves her hand and rests it on Tara’s shoulder while lifting her foot to untie her boot and pull it off, before switching to do the same for the other boot. “I’ll behave. For now.”

“Thank the Goddess.” Tara murmurs taking a deep breath to calm her racing heart as she looks down at Buffy. Sliding off her slip on tennis shoes Tara quickly undoes her jeans and slides them off, folding them to set on the little corner seat where Buffy had tossed her jeans.

“What do you think?” Buffy turns to show how the jeans fit her. “Though I’m wondering if I shouldn’t buy a size larger, since you’ve been feeding me I’ve put on some weight.” Buffy runs a finger around the waist band of the snug jeans.

“You need to gain weight, honey.” Tara comments softly, her eyes taking in the jeans, trying not to let her eyes linger on the slayer’s perpetually tanned flesh. Sighing quietly at the sight of the way the jeans accentuate the slayer’s ass, Tara licks her lips. “Those fit perfectly. But I know I would like for you to put on some more weight, and if that’s the case…”

“Better to be practical.” Buffy grumbles quietly in understanding. Knowing that she’ll have money to help with expenses again, but not an unlimited amount to where she can go out and buy five new pairs of jeans every couple weeks. Buffy pulls down one of the silk feeling tops that are on sale, watching as Tara finishes unbuttoning her shirt. Looking at the expanse of Tara’s smooth, soft back, Buffy tilts her head curiously as she sees something small on the woman’s shoulder blade that she had never noticed previously. “Tara?” Buffy steps closer, running a finger gently over the dime sized item, blinking in surprise at the small tattoo of a pentagram. “Well, I’ll be…” Buffy chuckles.

Tara smiles at the surprise and humor she hears in Buffy’s words. “Believe it or not, my mom gave me that before she became ill.” Tara looks over her shoulder, smiling at Buffy. “I’ve actually thought about getting another tattoo, but I never can make up my mind as to what I want, or where I want it placed…” Tara shrugs as she trails off.

“I honestly never would have expected you to have a tattoo.” Buffy admits, running a finger around the item again. “Don’t have any piercings or anything else, do you?”

Tara turns around facing the slayer and wiggles her eyebrows. “Why, you want to see them?” Tara laughs as Buffy’s eyes widen in surprise before her eyes drop to chest level. Laughing even harder as Buffy steps closer, and her head drops down slightly, Tara gently pushes on the slayer’s forehead, pushing her away. “Behave, slayer.”

“Do you?” Buffy looks up wide-eyed at Tara. Deciding the octopus in her is going to have to play a little more in her ‘sleep’ to find out, if Tara doesn’t let her know.

“Only someone that knows me intimately and my female doctor know the answer to that question, Buffy.” Tara teases as she grabs the pair of jeans down and slides them on.

Buffy scratches her head, realizing she can’t very well ask Willow, that would just be… bad. Knowing that if she called Tara’s doctor’s office, they’d probably laugh their asses off before they hung up on her. Pouting slightly, Buffy realizes she doesn’t have anyone else to ask. “Did you date anyone before Willow?” Buffy questions curiously, finally pulling on the top and buttoning it. Looking in the mirror, Buffy turns and looks at the way the item fits before taking it back off and hanging it up to add to the keep stack.

Tara snorts quietly at the slayer’s question. Looking in the mirror after Buffy shifts out of the way, Tara has to admit that the jeans fit well and they hug her bottom nicely. Turning around she decides she’ll get them.

“Here, try the top on.” Buffy hands one of the tops she’d picked up, thinking the blue color would accent Tara’s eyes perfectly. Watching as Tara buttons the top, only leaving the top button undone, Buffy shakes her head. “Tara, do I need to teach you to dress? You’re a woman, you’re stacked and you need to learn to flaunt it.” Buffy reaches up unbuttoning a couple more buttons, fussing with the edges of the shirt making it gape just the way she wants it to. “We need to visit Victoria Secrets. Get you one of those lacy bras and then have you unbutton one more button to flash the edges of it.” Buffy nods her head at the thought, her eyes gleaming.

Tara stares at Buffy in disbelief, her breathing having picked up along with her heartbeat as the slayer’s fingertips caressed over the skin of her chest while she played with her shirt. Swallowing to try and calm herself, Tara reaches up and gather’s the top together at her neckline. “I’m not trying to attract a guy, Buffy.” Tara whispers, turning her back on the slayer while unbuttoning the buttons to slip the shirt off and hang it back up.

“Don’t women like breasts, too?” Buffy questions softly, frowning at Tara’s back, unaware of the woman looking in the mirror at her. “I mean, you are…” Buffy raises her hands up like she’s cupping Tara’s breasts. “Well, you seem to be nicely built, and I assumed…” Buffy finally blushes darkly and turns away, realizing she likes Tara’s breasts and can’t understand why another woman wouldn’t.

Tara takes a deep breath, seeing a brief glimpse of desire cross Buffy’s face before she blushed and turned away. “I guess so. I mean every woman’s different, Buffy. Pretty much like a guy would be, I assume. Some like breasts, others asses, legs and so forth. It just seems that guys seem to get distracted a lot easier when they see breasts.”

“Personally wouldn’t know.” Buffy mumbles as she pulls off the shirt, looking down at her own meager breasts before hanging the shirt back up, to grab another one down, quickly trying the shirts on.

“Some people would say more than a handful or mouthful would be a waste.” Tara offers quietly after a while, as she finishes stripping and putting her regular clothes and shoes back on. Without looking at Buffy, having felt the slayer stop moving and become completely still, Tara puts her hand on the door handle. “I think you can decide for yourself, Buffy.”

Buffy watches in silence as Tara leaves the changing room. Looking back at the clothes hanging on the hook, she realizes Tara didn’t try on the other pair of jeans and shirt she’d picked out for her. Shivering slightly at the thought of Tara’s mouth on her breasts, she looks back down at the items, running a hand up to cup her right breast curiously. Shaking her head at her thoughts, Buffy hurriedly tries on the rest of the clothes, putting them into two different stacks before dressing.

***

“What do you want to eat?” Buffy finally questions, the two women having been shopping in relative silence since they had tried on clothes together in the changing room.

Tara looks at the plethora of food kiosks and shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t have a taste for anything in p-particular, Buffy. Whatever you want is fine with me.”

Buffy groans quietly, before heading towards the stairs and a corner seating area out of the way. Setting her bags in the corner, she waves Tara to sit down. Settling across from her, Buffy searches wary blue eyes. “If I made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry, Tara. I didn’t mean to.”

Tara looks away and shakes her head. “Buffy, you have to remember, I am a red blooded lesbian. And we’ve been spending a lot of time together lately, let alone sleeping in the same bed. I know a lot of your comments are just harmless flirtations on your end, because you aren’t interested in me like that. But it puts thoughts in my head that I’ve been trying to not let get in there.”

Buffy watches Tara intently while she talks, listening to what she’s saying and not saying at the same time. Not knowing if she’s ready yet to take the big leap to letting Tara know she cares about her, and that the flirtations were just that, her being flirty and the harmless could go to hell in a hand basket, Buffy sighs softly, deciding it’s too soon after the break-up between her and Willow to say anything. Reaching across the small table and gently squeezing Tara’s hand that’s nervously moving in small circles, Buffy looks into blue eyes that turn towards her. “I’m sorry, Tara. I didn’t mean to push that much. It seems like I’m doing my damnedest to upset you this weekend, and I honestly don’t mean to.” Standing, Buffy lifts Tara’s hand and gently presses a soft kiss on the palm before releasing it. “I’m going to get us some food. Last chance to tell me what you want or you’ll have to eat whatever I buy.”

Tara stares in stunned shock at her hand, feeling a tingle from her palm all the way up her arm from the warm, open mouthed kiss. Not hearing the slayer’s question, it takes her a minute to notice Buffy has walked away. “Goddess, does she have the slightest clue what she does to me?” Tara holds her hand to her chest, trying to fight the desire wanting to course through her.