The Three of Us

This Chapter is unbeta'd I apologize for any errors.
Reviews are welcome.
****************************************************

Buffy sat at a table in the Espresso Pump, waiting for Willow. She idly stirred her mocha, deep in thought, her eyes unfocused. “Hey” Willow said, startling Buffy, “What’s so interesting?” as she dropped into the chair opposite her.

“Oh! Hey Wills, thanks for comin’ to meet me.”

‘No trouble. So tell me why you were all crypto-girl on the phone, and couldn’t tell me what you wanted to talk about?”

Buffy sighed, and looked around at the other tables. “It’s kinda personal, for both of us, and I didn’t want to get into it over the phone.” She paused and looked around again, “Actually, would it be okay if we went down to the park? There are too many people in here, and I’d feel more comfortable.”

Willow’s brow furrowed as she looked at Buffy. “Sure. Ummm, you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I just need to talk to you about this.” Willow got up and headed to the counter. She looked back at Buffy occasionally while waiting. Buffy had dropped her head again and was staring at the table.

“Kay, I’m ready to go.” Willow said when she returned.
“Huh, right. Sorry I was somewhere else again.” Buffy stood, picked up her mocha and followed Willow out.

As they got outside, Buffy reached up and pulled her sunglasses into place. Sighing, she started to walk towards the small park. Willow kept pace, watching her. “Are you sure everything’s okay?” she asked quietly.

“Mm-hmm.” was the response. They continued in silence and found an empty bench along the walking path. They settled onto it and Willow waited. “I do have a class later this afternoon.” She spoke quietly to Buffy. “Please tell me what’s wrong?”

Buffy sighed and looked around. “I really need to talk to someone about this, but I don’t know where to start.”

“Buff, it’s me, Willow. I’m your best friend in the whole world. You can tell me anything.”

“I know, that’s what makes this so hard.” Buffy sighed again and shook her head. “Head up, take it on the chin like a man.” Willow stared at her. “What?”

“I’m just getting myself psyched up.” Buffy turned to face Willow and removed her sunglasses. She chewed on the arm for a moment, then put them on the bench. “Will, when did you know you were gay?”

“Wh-what?”

“When did you put it all together and figure it out?”

“Oh, OHH!” Willow exclaimed. “I see.” She fidgeted for a moment, “It was after I met Tara. Why?”

“Well...” Buffy squirmed around on the bench and looked off into the distance. “There are a couple of things in the last week or so that kinda make me wonder about myself. I’m not sure about anything anymore, and it’s driving me insane.”

“So what do you want to know?”

Buffy looked down at her hands, then back up to Willow’s eyes, “How’d you figure it out? Like you were with Xander then Oz, and boom, you’re dating Tara. How’d you get from boys to girls?” Buffy was blushing as she finished. Willow was trying to suppress a giggle.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “It was a pretty big surprise to me too. I didn’t really consider it till after I met Tara. Oz was special, and he made me feel like nothing I’d felt before. I did love him, and it was the best I’d ever had or expected to have. Then Tara showed up and wow. Whenever I was near her, it was like the Fourth of July. Boom. It still is. I look at her and she takes my breath away. She’s all I can think of all day long.”

Buffy nodded, “So it kinda snuck up on you?”

“There was nothing subtle about it.” She was smiling at Buffy. “I had to make up my mind how I wanted to deal with it. Sheila and Ira Rosenberg did not raise a lesbian. On the other hand the most wonderful person in the whole world was standing right there in front of me and if I wanted her to be as big a part of my life as she is, I had to do something.”

“You chose Tara.”

“No, I didn’t have a choice. It was the only way I could be. For me to be able to live with myself, I had to go with Tara.”

“So, you just got up one morning and said ‘I’m gay’?”

Willow started to laugh. “Oh goddess no!” wiping her eyes, “It took a lot of thought to get there. I had to be more honest with myself then I’d ever been before. Everything I’d ever done or thought about went under a microscope. It was the hardest time of my life. Looking back, it was worth all the angst and pain. I’m in love with a beautiful woman, and she’s in love with me.” She reached out and lightly touched Buffy’s shoulder, “That’s what made it all worth while.”

“Did you know Tara was gay?”

“Not at first. As I got to know her I had a feeling that the attraction was mutual and there was something to build on. Approaching her and telling her that I wanted to be more than friends was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

“What if she’d said no?”

“I would’ve been crushed, but I’d have recovered eventually and found another woman to love.” Buffy slowly nodded her head as she blankly stared into her lap.

“You know, you haven’t told me why all the questions?” Willow quietly asked.

Buffy looked to her long-time friend with a sad glint in her eye, “I think I’m in the same position you were. I’m questioning myself because of the way someone else makes me feel.” She smiled, “I have to do a ‘Willow’ and find myself.” The red-headed witch laughed and reached out enveloping the Slayer in a hug. “You’ll be okay.” She said, “I’m always here if you need me. It doesn’t matter what, when, or who. I’m here.”

“Thanks Will,” Buffy smiled into her shoulder. “You really are the bestest friend a girl could have.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” She hugged the slayer again. “I have to get back to class. I’ll see you at Giles’ later. Okay?”

“Yup,” Buffy smiled, “I’ll be all slayer girl and I’ll be there.” Willow got up from the bench and smiled at Buffy. “Best slayer there ever was.” She waved at Buffy as she walked away. Buffy watched her go. ‘Now what the hell do I do?’