Life of Experience

Stage Two:


Part Seven

Spike stared at the white clouds from the airplane's round, small window. Four long years had passed and now he was going back to Sunnydale. Back home. Too much had happened through his years at college. One of the major things was that he finally accepted who he was. He was homosexual and nothing was wrong with that. But this couldn't have happened without *him*.

A sad smile crept into his lips as he remembered him.

Angel, his poetry professor, whom Spike was attracted to the moment he taught his class for the first time, was the one who helped Spike find his path. The blond could still remember how he would get uncomfortable whenever he saw his 30 year old, handsome. He could remember how he tried to convince himself that he was NOT attracted to his male professor. He spent weeks trying to hook up with a fine girl just to get his mind out of the pouf insanity, until Angel noticed him.

Angel treated him like a normal student at first, but when he discovered that Spike had a crush on him, things changed. Angel too started to feel something towards the freshman. Spike learned that Angel was bisexual but liked men better. Angel taught him how to respect who he was, that it wasn't wrong or disgusting.

They got together in secret because dating a student, for a professor, was against the rules. The year they had together was the best time Spike ever had in his short life. Angel treated him like a man and was always referring to him as Will. He saw beyond the mask Spike wore in front of everyone. 'Spike' was a name he chose to toughen himself in front of the others. 'Spike' wore the cool clothes, had the street accent, had the great hair and got the girls. He never liked his real self simply because no one actually liked him as William, until Angel.

Spike loved to act normal around the older man. He loved to be taken care of and learn from the man's knowledge. In high school, Spike always acted like he knew everything, that he had all the answers, that he was tough and didn't need anybody's help. It was tiring actually. But with Angel he could be romantic, weak, and dependable yet would still know that the man loved him.

Unfortunately, by the end of the year, Spike and Angel got caught. Cousin Edward was called and afterwards his father. His father was never more disappointed and Spike thought it was because he was a poof. He had a long talk with his father who explained that his disappointment was more for Spike dating a teacher and had nothing to do with him being homosexual.

Rupert Giles insisted on sending Angel away to another university while Spike was still studying at East Anglia University. Spike had a long fight with his father telling him that he was old enough to make his own decisions. Rupert, being a father, couldn't watch his young son start a relationship with a man 12 years older than William, not to mention a teacher. His father had a lot of theories about his relationship with Angel. He seemed to think that what Spike felt about Angel was just a crush. He also thought that Angel was just using Spike. That made the boy more furious, especially when the university sided with his father.

Angel was suspended from the university, that didn't seem to want him, because he spent a whole year in a relationship with a student not caring that it was against the rules. The university recommended him to other universities because of his good teaching skills.

The dark haired professor left without saying a good bye and Spike still didn't know why. The young man never heard from Angel after the day they got caught. His father didn't allow him to return to America or visit Cousin Edward for the summer. His punishment was to stay at the dorm. Spike was okay with it anyway, though it was a long summer that always contained sorrowful thoughts about Angel.

Spike tried to move on. He dated another student his age the next year but it didn't work. Spike realized he was using him as a rebound. Knowing that it was unfair for them both, Spike broke it off. After that, Spike's whole attention was on his studies and he missed out on every college activity and party. He never visited his father on holidays, but stayed at Cousin Edward's instead.

The young man sighed as it was announced to fasten the seatbelt. The plane was about to land.

*****

Spike had a wide grin on his face as he hugged his father close to him. Rupert looked the same, except for the gray color that spread in his hair. Hugging his father, he realized that he had gotten a bit taller because his mouth wasn't pressed into his father's shoulder like it used to. But could that happen? He thought that growth stopped once you hit 18 or 19.

They broke the embrace. His father was smiling softly at him. "You've gotten taller?" He must have noticed too.

"Is that possible?" Spike joked grinning.

His father suddenly hugged him again. "Oh, I missed you, boy!"

"Me too, Rupes," he said taken back by the loud expression of affection. He eased himself away. He took one of the bags while his father held the other one.

"C'mon, let's get in the car," Rupert said and they headed outside.

Inside the car, Spike took the passenger seat and his father handled the driving. The older man listened to Spike closely as the young man talked about getting an apartment.

" … So I'd figured I'd stay with you until I find an apartment, if it's okay with you?"

"Stay as long as you like," Rupert said casting him a warm smile. "So did you figure out what to do?" God, his father never changed. Always thinking of the future.

Spike didn't answer though. He had some ideas about his future but wasn't sure of them yet. He supposed that at his silence his father figured he hadn't made a choice yet. "I could recommend you as a teacher at Sunnydale high," Rupert suggested.

Spike grimaced. The last thing he needed was to be in control of some kids who didn't want anyone to control them. He had been one of those kids. He understood how annoying and indecorous high school teens could be. "Nah," he answered. "Not into the teacher bit. I thought of … writing. I have a couple of ideas I think I'm going to try. I like the idea of writing books, publish them, what do you think?" He turned serious eyes to his father. His father's opinion mattered to him the most, since he was still unsure if he was making the right decision.

"You know what's best for you, and I'm supporting you on whatever you decide," his father said smiling. He turned warm eyes towards Spike. "I'm proud of you, son."

Spike smiled. "I'm glad you are." He shifted a bit in his seat. A little overwhelmed by the big amount of warmth his father was giving him. He wanted to change the conversation.

A small smile curved his lips. "So, how's Xander?" he asked looking at his father. "Why didn't he come?"

"He was still in school. I excused myself to get you. He's probably at home right now."

"So what grade he's in?"

"He's a senior."

Spike blinked. A senior?! "Wow, kid's grown up," he sounded amazed. He couldn't possibly grasp the idea of Xander being anything but the short junior high boy he left.

"You'd be surprised," Rupert muttered. Spike didn't like the tone. Of course, he couldn't imagine Xander being older since he never visited on holidays. It must have hurt his father deeply.

"I'm sorry I never visited, Rupert," Spike spoke seriously. His father frowned at use of his name, but didn't comment. Spike, being older, thought calling his father by name felt more grown up and mature. "I was … I was into studying to get my mind of …"

"I know, it's fine, Will," his father cut him off gently. "I know you went through a lot in your first year … uh… you know when I yelled at you …"

"You were right to do so. It was … wrong. I shouldn't have …"

"You were just a child. It's *his* fault," his father said with venom dripping in his voice. "He should have …"

"I was an adult. I made my own decision."

After Spike's yell, they both settled into a heavy silence that was broken by Rupert after awhile.

"I've always thought it was because I told you not to come that year …"

"No, it's not that Rupert," Spike cut off his father's guilty talking. "I was pretty much into studying and I didn't make friends or go to frat parties of any such. Things were … hard."

"You really cared for him," his father said softly. Spike could see the regret in his father's eyes as if he just realized that Spike's love for Angel was real and not some teenage crush on an older professor.

"I loved him more than anything," he admitted sadly. He was such a pathetic loser. It was still hurting him after all these years. It shouldn't. He had to move on.

He sighed.

"I tried to move on but it … got complicated. So I focused on studying instead. My roommate got furious with me and dragged me to one of the parties they had. I had fun, it was a change. I began to loosen up a little and thought seriously about moving on, but it's too late as the party I went to was three weeks before the finals of my last year." He looked out of the window lost in thought, watching an old lady beating up a young man who had tried to take his baseball from her big hat where it had fallen. It looked too carton-ish. He never thought that stuff like that happened in real life.

"I'm sorry, William," his father's whisper brought him back to the situation.

"Yeah well, let's leave the sappy bits for now. So how are things going on for you and the brat? He's still crying over his Pops?" Yeah, changing the subject. And what was better, and more fun, of a subject than making fun of little Xander.

"He got over it. He's really doing fine now."

"Glad to hear." Spike smiled. And he was glad.

*****

Spike looked all over the lobby of the house he left for four years. The house still looked the same, there were few changes here and there, but over all, it still looked the same. He let go of his luggage and looked over at the house some more. One of the paintings was replaced. There were also too many wood icons on the shelves and tables.

"I shall take your luggage to your room," he heard his father saying.

Spike hurried towards his old man. "It's alright, Rupert. I'll take 'em myself."

"What? You think I'm an old fuddy-duddy now?" his father scowled teasingly.

Spike chuckled, shaking his head. "Of course not, but still …"

"No, no, I'll take them to your room. You better get reacquainted." With that, Rupert left both bags, each in one hand, and walked chest puffed to the stairs. Spike laughed at his father who acted all muscular. The young man then turned looking at the lobby he hadn't seen in a long time.

"So you're back?"

He turned towards the strange yet somewhat familiar voice. A young man stood by the kitchen door, arms crossed, and smirking at him.

Spike's eyes widened. The boyish features were still there. The voice changed. The hair was shorter. He was wearing a white short sleeved shirt that revealed his tanned muscular arms. His long legs were covered with tight dark blue jeans. He was much taller than he used to be. Spike feared he was even taller than him.

"What? Don't recognize your brother?" Xander smirked and it worked much better on his face now.

******