Hellraiser: The Angels Beneath

Chapter 7

Xander prised his eyes open and stared up at a stark white ceiling. The pounding in his head was immediate and Xander groaned and tried to move it.

“Easy, luv.”

“Spike?” Xander croaked.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“Am I…? Did you bring me to the hospital?”

“Yeah.”

“Bastard.”

“Sorry.”

“’S okay. Will I live?”

Spike smiled and smoothed his hand through Xander’s hair. “Course. Got a bloody hard head, you have.”

Xander closed his eyes and gave a weak laugh. “Yeah, made in Taiwan. It came with a lifetime guarantee. Spike…Buffy?”

“What about her?”

“What…? Did you…? Where…?”

“I assume Buffy is where we fucking left her. On her knees on the doorstep.”

“Dawn…?!”

“Is fine,” Spike finished. “She’s off getting a sandwich with Red.”

“She’s here?”

“Course.”

“But…Oh, gods, Spike. This is all such a mess. I’m so sorry I made it worse.”

“Hush, pet. Not your fault. Slayer’s got a screw loose.”

“We have to help her.”

“The fuck we do.”

“Spike! This isn’t her fault. It was Riley. Riley did this. And now with Joyce…It’s just too much for her. She feels so alone…”

“She might not feel so bloody alone if she didn’t beat up her friends.”

“My fault,” Xander whispered.

“No.”

“Yes. Yes, it was. I told her, Spike. I told her what I heard. I didn’t mean to and I know I shouldn’t have done it…”

Spike leaned over the bed and shushed Xander with soft, careful kisses over his face. “Sssh. Don’t. It’s done now. It’s over.”

“Mr Harris?”

Spike looked up and nodded an acknowledgement.

“We’d like to take Alexander to the ward, now.”

“Huh? Ward?”

“Yeah, pet. They need to keep you in. Just overnight. Concussion, luv.”

“I don’t have a concussion! I’m fine.”

“Really? How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Um, can’t tell.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I can’t open my eyes,” Xander admitted, sleepily.

“Exactly. Now let the doctors do their thing and I’ll see you later.”

“You’re not coming?”

“Sun’s nearly up. Gotta get back.”

“What about Dawn?”

“Red’ll take care of her. Don’t worry. Just get some rest, yeah?”

Xander nodded slowly. “Spike? Go easy on Buffy.”

Spike paused at the door and nearly laughed. Yeah, easy. Right.

**

“So I was right. Here you are.”

Buffy lifted her head from her knees and looked up. “Spike. You came back.”

“Of course I did. Got unfinished business, haven’t we?”

Buffy stood and wiped the dirt from the back of her pyjama bottoms. “How is he?”

“Like you fucking care.”

“I do care. I…he pushed me. I just snapped. I’m going through a lot here and…”

“Fucking save it for someone that gives a shit.”

“Spike…”

“Shut it. Listen, for once in your life. We’re your friends, Buffy. Some of us more than others, admittedly, but Xander, he’s one of your *best* friends. And you think that your mother dying gives you some sort of licence to beat the shit out of him?”

“That’s just it. My mother just died! Riley’s dead, my mother is dead! Who next?! What next?! My life is shit. Why couldn’t they have left me alone? Why did they take me away? It was so peaceful.”

“Yeah, yeah, blah fucking blah. Such a sob story. My heart *bleeds* for you. You need comfort? Fine, we can be there for you. You want to take out your anger on my lover? Not. Fucking. Acceptable.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt him. He was just in the wrong place at the…”

Spike’s fist connected hard with Buffy’s face. “Enough.”

“Spike…”

Another fist. “Enough!”

“Please…”

Again. “ENOUGH!”

Buffy crawled away. “What do you want me to say?!”

“Sorry! Say fucking sorry!”

“I didn’t mean to hurt him. My mother…”

“You can’t do it, can you? Can’t even say one simple fucking word.”

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“I’m not doing anything to you. You’re doing it to yourself. You wallow in your own self pity and you don’t give a flying fuck about anyone but yourself. You have no bloody regard for Dawn’s feelings, or Red’s or Xander’s.”

“That isn’t fair! I love them! It’s just so hard!”

“Hard? Fucking hard?! Is it hard to just be there for your sister, show her some affection, to just spend time with her? Is it hard to be in the same room as your friends and not kick the shit out of one of them? So you were pulled from heaven. Lah-di fucking da. Change the record. Life throws shit and it throws it at everyone. You’re nothing special. Deal. With. It.”

“You don’t understand what I’m going through.”

Spike grabbed Buffy’s arms and pulled her to her feet, slamming her back into the wall of the house.

“You think I don’t know pain? I killed my own fucking mother! You think I don’t live with that every day?! And Xander? He was sixteen when his mother died. Sixteen with a dead mother, a loser older brother that couldn’t give a toss and a father that was more familiar with the bottom of a bottle than the life of his own sons. Don’t you think we’re angry about those things? Don’t you think we’d like to vent our anger on the nearest person?”

“THEN WHY DON’T YOU?!”

“Because there is a line. A line that you don’t cross. You crossed it, Buffy. You went too fucking far. Everybody hurts. It ain’t just you.”

“Get the fuck off me!”

“Not until you listen.”

“I’ve listened enough.”

“NO. There’s more. I’m giving you a break, not because I think you deserve it, but because your sister and your friends deserve it. We’ll be round tomorrow. We’ll start again. *I’ll* forget this ever happened and *you’ll* do the right thing and look after your sister.”

Spike released Buffy’s arms and, with a sob, she slid to the ground.

“Oh, and one more thing? Touch Xander again and I’ll kill you. Promise.”

Buffy watched Spike walk away. The man that claimed to once love her was turning his back and betraying her.

They were all betraying her.

**

Buffy looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She was a mess. Weeks of sleepless nights and a Spike Special had twisted her normal features until she looked more like one of the demons that she was supposed to slay than the Slayer herself.

Reaching under the flow of warm water from the tap, Buffy splashed her face and let her head hang over the sink. What was happening to her? Why couldn’t she just grieve like a normal person? Because she wasn’t allowed. She wasn’t allowed to be a normal person with normal feelings. She was the Slayer and therefore expected to be stronger, better, infallible. And now that she was proving to be a weak link, they were turning against her.

Buffy grabbed a towel and roughly dried her face, enjoying the sharp twangs of pain from purpling bruises and open cuts. She took one last look in the mirror before she smashed it into a million pieces. A trembling and bloody hand reached for a shard of glass that had fallen into the sink. Buffy pressed the shard against her wrist and considered. Would this be easier? For everyone?

“Buffy.”

The shard dropped to the floor and Buffy ran to the doorway, pausing to lean her weight on the frame and catch breath that had suddenly spiralled out of control.

“Riley?” she whispered in disbelief.

“Buffy. Help me.”

Buffy edged her way along the wall, part of her wanting to reach the voice and hold her lover, and part of her wanting to grab a weapon and destroy whatever was in that room using Riley’s voice. Buffy’s Slayer senses tingled all over her body. There was a demon in that room, no doubt about it. But was Riley the demon?

“Riley?” Buffy opened the bedroom door and stepped inside. The room was as dark as it was outside, but the moonlight drifted through curtains that were only half drawn, illuminating the figure sitting in the corner.

“Oh, no. Oh, Riley. What have they done to you?”

Riley turned away and put his hand in front of his face. “Don’t look at me.”

Buffy really saw for the first time and she retreated until her back hit the wall. There it was, the voice of Riley and a body that was vaguely humanoid. But there was no skin. Bones, muscles and organs were all visible and the body reeked of vomit, shit and urine. “Are you…? Who are you?”

“I said, don’t look!”

Buffy turned into the wall and shut her eyes as tightly as she could. This couldn’t really be Riley, not this thing, not this monster.

“It’s me. Help me, Buffy.”

“No, no. It can’t be.”

“It is me. It’s Riley.”

“But…how?”

“Xander’s blood, on the floor. It brought me back.”

“Back? How?”

“Does it matter? I’m here. I’m back. Please, god, you have to help me.”

Buffy nodded and wiped away hysterical tears. “What can I do?”

“Xander’s blood brought me this far. I’ll need more.”

“More blood? No, not Xander, please, no.”

“I’m not asking for Xander. Anyone will do. You have to heal me! I love you, Buffy. Make me whole again.”

“I…I don’t know if I can…I…”

“I can take you away, Buffy, from all this pain and darkness. We can be together.”

Buffy shook her head. “You never loved me, Riley.”

“I did. I did. God, I did. But I was taken in and I was misled and fooled. The box, it tricked me. It made me see things. It made me do things.”

“Xander said that…”

“Fuck Xander. This has nothing to do with him. He doesn’t know anything. I love you, Buffy. I’d never do anything to hurt you. Do you want me to be hurt?”

“No! Never!”

“Then you have to help me. Bring me people. Bring me blood…”

“I could get you human blood, in a bag, like Spike…”

“No! It won’t be fresh enough. I need to heal fast. They’ll be coming for me. Once they’ve noticed my escape, they’ll come. I need to be ready.” Riley looked at the box that he’d placed on the bedside table. “They’ll come,” he repeated. “Don’t let them take me again.”

Buffy sunk to her knees and crawled towards her lover. “I’ll do it. I’ll do it,” she sobbed. “I won’t let them take you away again. I’ll save you, Riley. I’ll do it.”

Riley stroked his hand down Buffy’s face, leaving a trail of blood in its wake. “Thank you, my darling. Thank you.”

**

Midday came and went and Xander got the feeling that he was being ignored. Well, perhaps he wasn’t being exactly ignored, but nurses had come and gone and promises of an unseen doctor were given. As yet, Xander had seen no sign of anybody that could grant his release.

The smell of the hospital was driving him mad; too many bad memories, too many dead people, too many sick and dying people. Xander felt his stomach lurch at the thought of how many people would die under this roof just today.

This was the trouble with living with a vampire. It made you see your own mortality far too clearly. Before Spike, Xander had thought that ninety would be a pretty good age to live, all things considered. But now, with centuries of life left for his immortal, ninety didn’t seem quite so peachy.

Death, it seemed, was just a stone’s throw away and it could come even quicker than that. Death could be waiting on the next patrol or the next apocalypse or driving down the freeway. Or maybe death was waiting to corner him in a freak household accident. Oh, Xander had seen Final Destination and, yes, he was very scared.

Okay that’s it. Not sitting around here all day. Not getting any younger, here.

Xander pulled back the covers and sat on the edge of the bed. He bent down to open the bedside cabinet and winced as bruised ribs screamed in protest. Xander ignored the pain and took his clothes from the cupboard.

A little bloody, but not to worry. I’ve gone home in worse.

A small struggle, and an argument with a pair of pants that just would not behave, later and Xander was dressed and ready to go. He checked his pockets. Nothing. That meant either having to walk home or calling for Giles or one of the girls to come and get him.

Walking it is, then.

Xander discharged himself and began the long walk home. He was pretty sure that Spike was going to give him a firm telling off for this, but he also knew that Spike would be glad that he was home. Neither one of them was particularly fond of being apart from the other.

Xander took a short cut through the park and circled around the back of Revello Drive. He stopped and spared a few thoughts for the woman he loved like family, real family. She would be turning in her grave if she… Xander bit back a sob. Joyce was barely cold and her daughters’ lives were fast veering off the track. He had to make it right. He had to do something.

With his decision made, Xander changed direction and headed straight for Buffy’s house.

**

Spike huffed, paced and waited for Willow to pick up the phone. “’Bout bloody time! What are you lot doing? …How is she?...Yeah? …Always was a strong little Nibblet…Oh, yeah, erm, need a favour… Well, that’s just it…I just called the hospital and he ain’t there…I don’t know! He just discharged himself. They said they thought he was okay, but the doctor didn’t see him…I’m not panicking!...yeah, I know…He’s probably on his way home, right? …Well, he hasn’t got any money on him, so the nit-wit is probably trying to walk home…Would you? Just have a drive-about, see if you can pick him up on his way. Fucking long walk…Cheers, Red.”

Spike hung up and inspected the contents of the fridge. His boy was probably starving. Spike chose cheese, ham and eggs and decided that a toasted sandwich, times three, was certainly in order. He lit the grill and got to work. Xander would be home any minute.

**

Xander stopped dead in his tracks, his thoughts of making peace with Buffy suddenly on hiatus. There she was, the Slayer herself, laughing, joking and generally looking a million dollars. And who was jaunting along by her side, looking just as chipper and full of the joys of life? Anya. Fucking Anya.

Just great.

So, Xander’s supposed best friend had beaten him black and blue, not bothered to visit him at the hospital and was now apparently playing at being best friends with his ex.

That. Stung.

Xander’s break-up with Anya had been messy, to say the least. Their relationship had been under strain for a good couple of months before Xander worked out what the problem was. He was gay. At least, he thought he was. He’d not had much experience with being gay, but if the bulge in his pants every time he saw a hot guy was anything to go by, he was definitely swinging towards the masculine sex.

Had he always been gay? Yup. Had he always wanted to admit it? Nope. So instead he’d pointed himself in the direction of heterosexuality and had just gone with it. Anya had been fun. She was sexy, humorous and…different. She had been a far cry from his previous lovers. Anya cared. And Xander had cared right back at her. She’d been the first to show him genuine love and affection. His first time with Anya had been like losing his virginity all over again. She had been so tender, so responsive and so wanting. It had made Xander feel like he was special. She’d made him feel whole.

But throughout the up and down relationship, Xander had always known that something was missing. And one day, that something had finally smacked him right between his eyes.

Spike.

Xander and Spike had enjoyed quite a snarky relationship before the fateful night at The Magic Box. Insults had regularly been traded and both men made it their mission to wind each other up at every opportunity. If either of them had pigtails, they would have been well and truly tugged and pulled by the other.

And then it had happened.

After a big fight over something as stupid as Xander getting home late from work and not calling, Xander had stormed away and had ended up at The Magic Box. Spike had turned up with a full bottle of vodka, and a rather surreal, drunken fumble had proceeded. Somewhere within that drink-induced cocktail of wandering hands, shifting hips and sloppy kisses, something changed. The game changed. Hands gripped and ripped apart unwanted clothes, hair was pulled and necks exposed. Hips collided and flesh slipped and slid, wet with desire and the need to be touched.

Xander had lost his virginity, again, on top of a table in the middle of The Magic Box. Not the most romantic of settings, but need had taken over. Both Spike and Xander still reflected back on occasion and wondered if they would have still taken each other if they’d known about the cameras.

Yes. Yes was the answer. Every time. Something had clicked. Something had changed. That something grew so powerful that they would have fucked until they saw stars even if the building had been on fire.

There had been one regret. Anya. From the comfort of 1630 Revello Drive, Anya, Buffy and Willow had seen it all. Anya had seen it and she’d been devastated by it. It still wracked Xander with guilt. But if they had to do it all again? He would still do it the same, even knowing that Anya was watching. It had been the beginning of him and Spike. It had been perfect.

It had also been the end of him and Anya. Over, in the blink of an eye. Xander hadn’t gotten away lightly. The dental work had been costly.

And now? Xander and Anya barely spoke. There was nothing to say. Xander had apologised a thousand times over and Anya had never listened. Despite what the others had said, Anya had always loved Xander. He was her key to humanity and she loved him to the ends of the earth.

Trouble was, he was Spike’s key, too. And the love? It went both ways.

Anya had distanced herself from the entire Scooby gang, quitting her job at The Magic Box and moving out of Xander’s apartment. She’d fallen out with Buffy exactly one month after the break-up. Anya had turned back to her vengeance roots and had been plotting a way to exact revenge on her ex. This had led to a major confrontation and a firm but fair warning from Buffy for Anya to stay out of Sunnydale and away from Xander.

Xander drifted back to present and glared, unseen, at his two former friends as they entered Buffy’s house. The message was loud and clear. Buffy didn’t want to know. He’d overstepped the mark and so had she. Apparently there was a Xander-hating club in session. He debated whether he should go and knock on Buffy’s door and have it out with her, and Anya if necessary.

No. He would just leave them to it. The way he was feeling right now, he would only make things worse.

“Hey!”

Xander jumped, startled that he hadn’t even heard the car pull up beside him.

“Willow. I-I didn’t see you.”

“Clearly. Spike said you’d made the great escape. Come on. Get in, I’ll take you home”

Xander smiled gratefully and got in the car.

“Were you going to see Buffy?”

“I was. Changed my mind. Thought I’d better head home before Spike finds out I’ve gone AWOL.”

“He’s already found out. Why do you think I’m still in my pyjamas?”

“Actually, I’m not sure, I gotta say.”

“Spike is quite calm about you going walkabout. Give him another ten minutes, though, and he’ll be climbing the walls. It was definitely a situation that required fast action and no dressing,”

Xander grinned. “You do the sweetest things, Wills. Love you.”

Willow looked round in surprise. “A declaration of love? You only usually do that if you’re either drunk or the world is about to end.”

Xander laughed.

“It isn’t, is it? About to end?”

Xander laughed again. “No…well, not that I know of. It’s just that, you’ve always been there for me. Always. I love you, Willow Rosenberg, and don’t you ever forget it.”

“Auuw, I love you too!” Willow let go of the wheel and turned to hug her friend.

“Whoa! Road! Steering wheel! About to die a fiery death!”

“Oh! Ooopsie,” Willow said, turning back to the wheel and swerving to avoid the sidewalk.

“And Spike thought I’d be safer with you driving me home? He really needs to get in a car with you one time.”

“Hey! I’m a good driver, especially when you consider that I’ve only just passed my test.”

“Well then, as a new driver, you should be aware that you actually need to *drive* the car at all times. You can’t just drop the wheel and turn around. You’re not Michael Knight, you know, and this car is certainly no KITT…Although that would be cool. Really cool.”

“My car is cool!”

“It so isn’t. Why don’t you trade it in? Perhaps for something a little more…zippy? You can barely see over the wheel of this tin can.”

“Well, I like my car, Xander Harris. It’s pretty.”

“It’s pink.”

“Exactly.”


**


Spike laughed at Willow’s Eeyore pyjamas and said goodbye. As much as he appreciated his witchy friend for returning his lover to him safely, he just wanted Xander to himself. Some serious coddling was definitely in order.

He served up three spectacular toasted sandwiches and watched contentedly as Xander proceeded to slay them with endless enthusiasm.

“You must have been hungry.”

“I was.”

“Xan?”

“Mm?”

“Call me next time, yeah?”

Xander nodded slowly and chanced a smile. “Sorry. Why are you being all calm? I thought you’d be mad.”

“I am mad. Very mad. But throwing a paddy won’t do either of us any good.”

“Mm, definitely. Shouting very bad for the sore head.”

Spike touched his hand gently to the said head. “Headache?”

“Like a bitch.”

“I’ll get you some painkillers.”

Spike rummaged around in a nearby drawer until he found some extra strength, quick release headache tablets. He threw them roughly in Xander’s direction and went over to the kitchen to re-fill Xander’s water glass. “What’s up, luv?”

“Shouldn’t that be ‘What’s up, doc?’”

“Ha, bloody ha. What’s wrong? I know there’s something.”

“Just last night stuff, that’s all.”

“That’s all? It’s enough. No, there’s something more. Don’t lie to me, pet. You’re not too old to go over my knee, you know.”

“Really? You know I’d like that, right?”

“Bloody hell, just tell me or…I won’t let you watch Star Trek for a month.”

Xander sighed and relented. “It’s Buffy. I saw her.”

Spike was careful to keep his face as neutral as possible. He wanted to break something, particularly Buffy’s neck. “Yeah? She come to the hospital?”

Xander laughed bitterly. “No. She didn’t. I saw her when I was walking home. I was going to go see her.”

“Was that a good idea, all recent events considered?”

“Probably not. I just couldn’t leave it…”

“I dealt with it, Xan.”

“So I saw. Nice bruising in and around the face area. Put me and Buffy together and we’d be a matching pair.”

“That was the idea.”

“That I guessed. Anyway, I couldn’t do it. She…she was with someone.”

“Who?”

“Anya.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah, ah. And you know what? They were chatting and giggling and Buffy was acting just like she hadn’t nearly beaten me to death last night. It hurt. And Anya? Why Anya? They hate each other. Buffy deserted me for someone she hates?”

Spike moved closer and draped a comforting arm around Xander’s shoulders. “Don’t take it to heart too much, pet. Buffy’s in a strange place and Anya…well, god only knows what’s going on there.”

“It just feels like another kick in the teeth.”

Spike nuzzled his face into Xander’s hair. “Still got me.”

“Yeah,” Xander agreed, leaning further into Spike’s embrace. “Got each other.”

Spike leant them both back into the couch, stroking Xander’s hair until he could hear his lover’s heartbeat slow down. He held his sleeping boy and wondered what the fuck Buffy was up to with Anya.

He had a funny feeling, one of those peculiar nagging ones that wouldn’t go away. It didn’t feel good.

**

Buffy hurriedly stripped off her clothes and stuffed them into a carrier bag. She turned on the shower tap with shaking hands and stood underneath the freezing spray, closing her eyes against the memory of what she had just done.

Anya.

Blood diluted and streamed from Buffy’s skin as the life-force of her once-friend was washed down the drain forever.

TBC….