Not Forgotten

Chapter 7


Spike drained the last few drops from the bottle of whisky. A shadow appeared to his left and he turned to face it. “How you doing, little pet?”

“Not so good. Spike? Can I…?”

“What? What do you need?”

“I’m hungry.”

“Oh! Yeah, should have thought. Bound to be. Did you want…? Do you want…?”

Xander got down on his knees in front of his Sire. “I need you. Will you feed me? Please?”

“Of course. You don’t need to be on your knees to ask, luv. I ain’t into that Master and pet shit.”

Xander’s eyes widened just a little. That was…surprising.

Spike pulled his Childe to sit next to him on the couch. “Take it,” he said, tilting his head and guiding Xander in to drink.

Xander ghosted his lips over the cool, pale flesh, breathing in the scent that was intoxicatingly Spike. Leather, power and a slight hint of sherbet. Xander had always wondered why Spike smelled of sherbet. Maybe now he would be able to ask him.

A tongue that had only recently been human ran steadily over its Sire’s throat. There was something in the anticipation of receiving Spike’s blood. It was something that he did remember, if little else. Xander felt Spike’s arms sliding round him, holding him and waiting for the feed. Xander’s face changed to show his demon and with a slowness that was almost painful, he sank his teeth deep into Spike’s neck.

As the blood spurted and hit the back of Xander’s throat, he moaned. It was incredible. A taste that was better than any chocolate dessert, any jelly-filled doughnut, better than any champagne, pink or not and better than the world's most rare and sweet fruit. Like thick, deep, burgundy wine, it slipped down Xander’s throat and filled his entire body with a need that was greater than living. The need for his Sire.

More memories flooded back and he remembered the countless times he had drunk from Spike. The countless times he had grown hard and wanting next to his maker. He’d wanted him, every single time. And he wanted him now. Wanted Spike’s blood and cock to fill his body and complete him.

Xander pushed his Sire back into the couch, his lips and teeth still firmly embedded in the silky throat. He adjusted his position and ground his hips. Separated by two layers of denim, two cocks, hardened until they were almost painful, touched and pushed against each other.

Spike drew in long breath, barely holding on to the moan that tried to escape his lips. He’d been pretty good at pulling Xander away so far. It was easy to do when you knew that the other person didn’t have all his senses about him. He’d never wanted to take advantage. Never. Not after what had happened with Buffy. Something had taken over. Rage, humiliation. Fear? Spike didn’t know what it had been.

And now Xander. Xander was drinking from him. Vampire Xander fully complete with a demon heart and a human soul (other accessories sold separately) was begging him with thrusting hips, a hard cock and a strangled cry for help.

Spike pondered, thrusting up his hips to meet every push of Xander’s. Was this taking advantage? Or was this helping to take away someone’s pain, giving them what they wanted?

Xander released the bite on the Spike’s throat, lovingly lapping at it to help the wound to close. Just as he had been taught. He brought his face up to meet Spike’s and he placed a gentle kiss onto his lips. “Need this. Please, Sire. Need to feel your touch. Please help me?”

And what was it that Xander was asking for? A Sire’s touch? Family? Someone to make him feel?

Xander un-popped the fastenings at Spike’s jeans. It was a bold move and not one that he’d tried before. But the need to touch, feel and see his Sire’s cock in his hands was just too strong. Xander felt like something was missing, like he’d been in a relationship that was somewhat lacking. This closeness, this intimacy was something they both needed and Xander knew that Spike had been holding back. He couldn’t remember much about his time as a vampire, but he was absolutely certain they had not been intimate with each other. Xander had a funny feeling that this was something Spike had insisted on…to protect him? A warm feeling washed through him and heated his cold body. Spike had held off, for him? The bond thrummed powerfully and Xander knew that it went both ways. It must have been hell for Spike.

Well, not anymore. His Sire needed this too.

Xander dived in and caught Spike's mouth in a kiss that was loaded with passion, want and need. His fingers finally popped open the last button on Spike’s jeans and he eagerly took the long, pale erection in his hand.

Spike kissed back. This was what Xander wanted. This was what Xander needed. And this was what he needed too. So much.

Spike ripped at Xander’s pants, almost shredding them to get to the prize beneath. His hand wrapped around the hard cock and he began pumping it with long, firm strokes.

Xander mirrored the action and stroked Spike hard and fast. Spike pulled his head down for another long kiss, his tongue searching, exploring and remembering. Xander pulled away and straddled him, knocking his hands away and positioning himself so that their cocks were now touching flesh to flesh. He began a quick rocking motion, sliding his erect shaft against Spike’s. His fingertips found their way underneath a tight black t-shirt and he caressed and pinched at Spike’s hardened nipples.

Spike gasped at the new contact, his hips rising suddenly and sharply. He needed to come now. This was not about lovemaking that went on into the night. Perhaps that would come later. This was about pure need.

Obviously Xander was on the same wavelength. As Spike gripped his hips, Xander took both cocks in his hands and fisted them.

Spike watched, mesmerised by the beautiful face above him. He watched as lips glistening with his blood, parted and breathed out a whispered and desperate moan. Large eyes that had turned from yellow back to deep brown fixed and locked with his. The world seemed to spin and Spike couldn’t see or hear any further than his Childe. Xander was his world now.

And yes, he loved him.

As release rippled through them both, Xander felt the bond strengthen and reinforce itself. He felt safe.

His Sire was here.

**

As they walked together, side by side, Spike had the urge to reach out and take Xander’s hand. He wouldn’t. Apart from it being a poncy thing to do, it was likely that Xander would push him away. His Childe had been oddly quiet since the incident on the couch. And now, one week later, Spike wanted to know why.

“Is it your mum?”

“Is what my mom?”

“The reason why you’re not speaking to me.”

“My mother is among other contributing factors that add to my general unease and quietness, yes.”

“And?”

“Spike, you know what the problem is. I’m a vampire. I’ve become the very thing I hated. My mother is dead, oh, and *you* killed her. And here I am wondering why I haven’t staked myself. So that is the reason why I’m not all sweetness and light.”

“I just want you to talk to me. It might help.”

“Will it? Will it bring my mother back? Will it make me human again?”

“No.”

“Well, there you go, then.”

“Xan…”

“What?!”

Spike pulled Xander to a halt. “I’m here for you.”

Xander wanted to scratch his own eyes out. He wanted to run and kill everything in sight. He’d never felt as helpless as he did now. His control was gone and he was having to rely on Spike. The part of him that was still human, the soul, was crying out for him to be normal, to be human, to be Xander. Yet this demon inside him, it wanted to submit to his Sire. It wanted his Sire to hold him.

It wanted to rule his body and mind.

That was the problem. That’s what was eating him up inside. He didn’t want to be a demon. He wanted to be Xander.

“Then help me, *please*. I can’t be like this, Spike. One minute I’m feeling like I’m myself and the next I'm wanting to bare my neck to you. I don’t feel like me! I can’t deal with things unless I can feel like myself.”

Spike laughed.

“What? What’s so damn funny!”

“We are. I thought I was the only one.”

“Huh?”

“Angelus, he took to his vampire ways real easy. Born to it, you might say. Me? My demon couldn’t wait to take over. I loved the killing and I loved the taking. But there was this pesky human part, bloody William, that kept getting in my way. Fucking confusing, it was. One part of me wanted to drain the population and the other wanted to write a poem about ‘em. I guess you can see who won. And you? Well, you got the soul, so killing ain’t quite so easy. But your demon, he’s still in there and he makes you want things that your human side would think wicked. Question is, which one is stronger?”

Xander thought about it. There had been a lot of sense in that little speech. “You used to write poetry?!”

Spike laughed again and slung his arm around Xander’s shoulders. “Well, I reckon I know the answer to my question, even if you haven’t worked it out yet. C’mon, little pet, let's go get this over with.”

**

Spike stepped over the threshold of The Magic Box. He guided a nervous Xander in after him with a quiet whisper of, “Public place. Don’t need an invite.”

“Ah, Spike, Xander. I was starting to wonder where you two had got to. We missed you throughout the latest threat to the world. Spike, we could have done with your help.”

“What a pity. If I’d have known, I would have come a'running.”

“Quite. So, what brings you here this night…together?” Giles noted over the top of his spectacles.

“Just wondering if there’s any demon arse you want kicking. Suddenly feeling in the mood. The boy here is obviously thinking the same thing.”

“Oh, well, thank you for your more than generous offer, but all seems to be quiet at the moment. Buffy, it seems, has it all under control.”

“Right. Fair enough. We’ll be on our way, then.”

“Just a minute. Xander, is everything alright? You look a little…peaky. Are you quite well?”

“I’m…”

“He’s alright. He’s got his old pal, Spike.”

“Is that so? Xander?”

“Um, yeah. I’m good.”

“And you are hanging around with Spike now?”

“Yeah. He…needed a place. The crypt got a bit hot for him. You know, what with all the other vampires out for his blood. He’s staying with me and…we’ve been hanging out.”

“I see. Well, please be careful, Xander. Spike is not to be trusted, as you well know.”

“I’m not stupid.”

“I didn’t say you were stupid, I was simply stating a…”

“…fact. Yeah. Whatever. Look, if there is nothing you need us for, we’ll just go shoot some pool. I’ll try not to get eaten by the big bad, chipped Spike.”

“Xander…”

“Put a sock in it, Watcher. We ain’t interested. C’mon, pet. The night’s waiting.”

Spike ushered Xander back out the door and Giles was left standing with a worried expression on his face. Xander was hanging around with Spike? That couldn’t be good, no matter which way you looked at it.

Giles made his way to the phone. Someone needed to look into this.

**


“Um, Spike? I’m thinking that wasn’t the best of plans.”

“Yeah,” Spike breathed back. “Should've perhaps thought that through a bit. Just thought it would be a good idea for you to show your face. Reckon I probably shouldn’t have shown mine, though.”

“Maybe. I kinda…wanted you there.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

“Spike?”

“Mm?”

“Thank you.”

“What for?”

“Everything you’ve done for me.”

“’S nothing.”

“Yes, it is. I don’t know what I would have done without you. Well, I’d probably be dead. Okay, so I am technically dead, but you know what I mean. So what I’m saying is, thanks for putting up with me. From what you’ve said about…how I was, it couldn’t have been easy. And what I’m also saying, or trying to say is…um, well, what I want to say is, you’re free now.”

“Err, not that I didn’t enjoy hearing the good old Xander-babble, but what the fuck are you going on about?”

“I’m fine now, Spike. I’m all fixed. Soul firmly in place. Me but a little deader. I know I’ve got issues and I’ll sort them. I’ll find my way, my balance between the demon and the soul. I know I can do it. So…if you don’t want to, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why you’d want to, you can…” Xander took a deep breath. “…leave me.”

Spike nodded. “You want me to go.” It wasn’t a question.

“No! I mean, no, in much less needy tone, I don’t want you to go. I know there’s this weird Sire-Childe bond between us, but I wouldn’t want that to be the only reason that you stay with me.”

“It ain’t the only reason.”

“Spike, you don’t have to try and make me feel better. I’m a big boy…”

“That you certainly are,” Spike said with a smutty smirk.

“Okaaay. Feels weird not to be able to blush.”

“Yeah. I miss that on you. It was a good look.”

“Tomato red was a good look?”

“Uh-huh. Blended in nicely with the rest of your wardrobe. Kept the whole clashing theme going.”

“Oh, says he of the eternal black shirts and tight eighties style jeans.”

“Oi! I’ve got bloody good taste, you know. And besides, black and red works for me. Why change a winning ensemble?”

“Ensemble? Okay, we’ve gone so far past weird that weird is a tiny forgotten dot *waaay* back on the horizon.”

Spike laughed. “It is all pretty weird.”

“Mm. So anyway, as I was saying before you started to make smutty comments…”

“Xan. Stop right there. I ain’t gonna go leaving you. No way. And yes, before you say anything, and I know you will, it does have a lot to do with the bond. You’re my Childe and that means I gotta look after you. Teach you, train you, show you. You got a lot to learn and I want to make sure that when you face the world as a vampire, you’ve got your wits about you. But there is more.”

“There is?”

“There is. Do you remember the time just before all this happened?”

“Oh yeah. It’s just the stuff afterward that I have trouble with.”

“Right. Then you’ll remember that we were just starting to warm to one another.”

“I guess I kinda remember that. We definitely hit a point when we stopped hating each other.”

“Yeah, well, I gave you a lot to hate me for.”

“Maybe. The thing with…Buffy. That was pretty shocking. And I don’t for a minute condone it. But…I guess I kinda understand what happened there, you know, considering how you feel about her and how she used you the way she did.”

“Felt.”

“Huh?”

“Considering how I *felt* about her. Don’t feel that no more.”

“Really?” Xander asked, his voice annoyingly hopeful.

“Really. Anyway, I lost my point…oh, yeah. Well, we were getting on okay, you and me. There was something there. Something bordering on friendship, perhaps. You remember that or was that just all in my head?”

“No. I remember. We played cards and you didn’t cheat.”

“Much,” Spike added with a grin.

“So, are you going somewhere with this?”

“Hang on, hang on, I’m just getting to the good bit. What *I’m* now trying to say, and shit, your babble is infectious, is that I care about you. A lot. We’ve shared so much this past month or so. I know you don’t remember much…”

“I remember enough. I remember you trying to get me into my bathtub. I remember the first time I drank from you. I remember listening to your talk when we broke into Giles’ place to get that book. I remember…I remember you taking care of me. It felt nice. It felt right. You took care of me when I needed it most. I’ll never forget that. I’m sorry that I’ve been such a pain. None of this is your fault. I’m sorry that I keep blaming you.”

“'S okay. No need to be sorry. Who else you gonna blame?”

“I dunno. My mother? No. I guess it wasn’t her fault either. Maybe I could blame the vamp that turned her? No, I guess it wasn’t his fault either. Okay, so I *could* blame the first vamp that there ever was. I wonder if there was a first vamp. That is a question. It’s a bit like what came first, the chicken or the egg. Personally, I think it was the chicken. The egg had to come from somewhere. But then again…”

“Xan.”

“Sorry. I digressed. I guess I can’t blame anyone. Do you believe in fate?”

“Sometimes.”

“Me too, sometimes. So maybe it was fate that I was turned. Maybe it was fate that it was you that…”

Xander stopped and stared. Spike looked beautiful under the moonlight. Had he always looked that attractive? Xander shrugged internally and went with it. He ran his hand down Spike’s face, pausing to stroke and map out his cheek bone and jaw. “You’ve always looked this way,” he said out loud.

Spike looked puzzled for a moment before Xander leant in and brushed their lips together. “You are beautiful,” Xander added. “My Spike.”

Spike felt his cock harden at the declaration. He pulled Xander closer and kissed him until they were both panting for unneeded breath.

“Whoa.”

“Yeah,” Spike breathed. “That was…something.”

“Mmmm.” Xander pressed closer into Spike’s continued embrace. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Is this…what we’re doing, what we were just doing, is it…? Is…?”

“Is it the bond?” Spike guessed.

“Yeah. Is it?”

“No. Well, not for me. I’m hoping it isn’t for you either.”

“I don’t think it’s the bond. I can feel it when the bond wants something. Like when I need to feed. Or like sometimes when I’m scared, I need you to hold me. That’s the bond. But sometimes, when I get scared, I need *you* to hold me.”

“I’m not making a lot of sense out of that, little pet. Care to enlighten?”

“I mean that I can feel a difference. Sometime I need my Sire. But sometimes, I need Spike. Just Spike. The whole Sire thingy doesn’t come into it. It feels different. Does that make sense?”

“It does. Perfect sense. Feel the same, Xan.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“That doesn’t mean that I want to marry you, or anything. It just means that…I care about you. A lot,” Xander said, mirroring Spike’s earlier words in a terrible English accent.

“Oh, pet. That was just disgraceful. Sounded more like a Welsh Sheape Demon. C’mon, back to the bat-cave. We’ll watch some English movies and I’ll give you your first Sire to Childe lesson. How to do a correct English accent. If you do good, we’ll move onto the Scottish accent tomorrow. You’ll just love Trainspotting.”

TBC...