Here Without You

A/N: Okay I know that those of you that are reading this story are wondering about past events...ie Williams death...I can't tell you what's going to happen because where would the fun be in that...what I can tell you is this...THIS IS STILL A SPUFFY STORY :-) Please keep reading and keep the faith. I've gotten a lot of e-mails and I just want to assure you guys that, again, this IS a Spuffy story and NO it's not going in a Riley/Buffy direction...I so wouldn't do that...YUCK!!! I promise all will be explained.


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Buffy?” Xander leaned over his friend with a concernedly. “Buffy, are you okay?” He and Anya had gone for take out and had come home to find his friend unconscious on the floor, the door to her room wide open.

“X-Xander?” Buffy whispered as she slowly started to come to.

“Yeah,” Xander smiled. “Are you okay? What do you remember?”

“Wh-where…” Buffy trailed off.

“You’re in your room,” Xander interrupted trying to alleviate her confusion. “Anya and I came home and found you here. Don’t try to move a whole lot yet, we’re not sure if you hit your...”

“No!” Buffy cut him off. “Where is William?” Buffy sat up quickly and looked around frantically.

“Buffy, it’s okay,” Xander put a hand on her shoulder trying to comfort his friend. “You’re at home, with your friends.”

“No you don’t understand,” Buffy tried to explain. “William was here. Not ‘here’ like in here,” she said pointing to her head. “But he was here, like here in the dorm. He knocked on my door, and when I answered it he was standing there. I touched him, and then…” she trailed off.

“And then?” Xander probed.

“And then I guess I fainted.”

Xander sighed. “Okay, let’s get you off of the floor and into the bed.” Xander stood up and extended his hand to Buffy.

She took his hand reluctantly as she studied his face. “You don’t believe me?” Buffy asked.

Xander looked at his friend affectionately. “I believe that you’ve really been through hell in the past couple of months,” he said as he gently lifted her up, allowing her to lean on him. “I believe that you’re grieving and when you’re grieving sometimes you...”

“No!” Buffy exclaimed. “Xander I wasn’t hallucinating. I wasn’t sleepwalking or any of the other crap that you’re trying to use to explain it. William was here. You don’t get it, I didn’t just touch him, I felt him.” Buffy touched her hand to her heart to emphasize her point.

“Buffy, you’ve got to snap out of this,” Xander reasoned. “Spike is dead, you were there. We buried him. I’m sorry; I really am because I know that you’re hurting but...”

“You don’t understand.” Buffy repeated hoarsely, tears welling up in her eyes. “He was here, Xander it was so real.” At that, Buffy broke down as sobs wracked her body.

“Hey guys,” Willow called, as she walked into the room tentatively, putting her book bag down on the floor. “What’s going on?”

“Buffy fainted,” Xander began. “We came home and found her laying on the floor. The door was wide open...”

“S-Spike, was here.” Buffy sobbed. “I-I saw him and then I f-fainted, a-and no one b-believes me.”

“Oh Buffy.” Willow exclaimed. She ran to her friend and enveloped her in a tight embrace. “Shh, sweetie it’s okay.” She rested her chin on top of Buffy’s head as she stroked her hair. Sensing the tension in the room Willow turned to Xander. “It’s okay Xan, I’ll take it from here. Where did Anya go?”

“She went to the lounge to get some ice. We didn’t know if she hit her head or...”

“Well, go find her and tell her that Buffy’s going to be okay,” Willow interjected. “I’m going to make her some tea and get her into bed.”

“Okay,” Xander said sheepishly. “Buffy I’ll talk to you tomorrow okay?”

Buffy could only nod through her sobs. Xander turned on his heels and stepped out of the room closing the door quietly behind him.

“Okay,” Willow said calmly. “I’m going to heat up some tea really quick. Why don’t you change into your pajamas and then we’ll have a little girl time?”

Buffy wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve as she slowly stood up. “Girl time sounds good,” she sniffled and gave her roommate a watery smile. She grabbed her nightshirt off of the back of her desk chair and disappeared into the bathroom. She stopped at the sink and turned on the valve and began to splash her face allowing the cool water to soothe her nerves. She dried her face with the hem of her sweatshirt and looked dazedly at her reflection. She looked older. The lines on her face were more defined and she had small circles under her eyes. What the hell is wrong with me? She asked her double. Xander’s right, you’ve got to snap out of this. Buffy took a deep breath and quickly changed her clothes. She opened the door to the bathroom and heard the shrill “DING” from the microwave. Willow gave her roommate a tight smile.

“Nothing says loving like microwave chamomile tea.” She poured the water from the bowl that she had used to heat it into a coffee mug, plopped a tea bag into the water and handed it to Buffy.

“Thanks.” Buffy smiled. “Do you want to talk about it?” Willow asked sitting down in her chair.

“I don’t know what happened Will,” Buffy sighed. “There was a knock on the door, I answered it and I know that it sounds crazy, but when I opened the door it was William. He was standing there as plain as I’m sitting here talking to you. I touched him, he said my name, and that’s the last thing that I remember.”

Willow nodded her head as she listened. “Do you think that you were dreaming, sleepwalking?”

“I don’t think so,” Buffy replied. “Not five minutes before, this guy, Riley stopped by to drop off my notebook. I hadn’t even gotten back into bed and look: the notebook is here so...”

“Wait a minute,” Willow interrupted. “Riley was here? Riley Finn?” Buffy nodded in reply. “Buffy when did you meet him?”

“Today,” Buffy sighed. “He came up to me while I was on North Campus.” “Did he tell you who he was?” Willow asked.

“Yeah, he did.” Buffy could feel her tears welling up again as she spoke. “He told me that he was the one that…” Buffy trailed off and had to inhale deeply before she continued. “That hit us that night. He started talking about how sorry he was and mentioned being at the funeral. I kinda bailed on him and dropped my notebook. He got address off of the front cover and brought it by. About five minutes after he dropped the notebook off there was another knock on the door. I answered it, and it was William.”

Willow shook her head in a mixture of disbelief and amazement. “Buffy that’s...”

“I know what you’re going to say. It’s impossible. But it was William. It wasn’t a dream. I could feel him Willow,” Buffy tried desperately to plead her case.

Willow sighed. “I believe you Buffy.” Willow looked at her friend worriedly. “I think that you need to get some sleep. Tomorrow, why don’t we try to call your mom? You haven’t talked to her since before the funeral.”

“Thank you for listening Will.” Buffy squeezed her best friend’s hand. “You never stop coming through.”

Willow smiled affectionately at her friend. “Get some sleep,” she insisted as she helped Buffy up into the loft. Once Buffy was settled into bed, as Willow reached over to turn off Buffy’s bedside lamp she noticed the framed drawing that sat next to the lamp. She picked up the frame and smiled sadly when she noticed the likeness of Spike. Willow set the picture down and turned off the light, retreating to the bathroom to prepare for bed.


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Buffy sat quietly on the same bench that she always used when she studied on North Campus. She held her drawing of William in her lap and softly stroked the lines of his face.

“What are you doing here luv?”

She heard his voice and a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “I was waiting for you.”

“You know you don’t belong here.” William walked closer to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

“I belong wherever you are,” Buffy told him taking his hand.

“Luv, you can’t stay here.” He began to take his hand off of her shoulder as he said this and her grip on him tightened.

“No, William please,” she begged, tears threatening to fall. “Please don’t leave me.”

Buffy could feel his breath on her neck as he whispered in her ear. “Come with me.”

“Why don’t you stay with me?” she asked desperately.

“Come with me, luv, you can’t stay here.” William continued to hold her shoulder.

“I’m scared,” Buffy admitted in a shaky voice.

William was silent for a moment and Buffy tried to turn so she could face him but he held her firmly in place. The hand on her shoulder was the only evidence that he was still there. She felt him lean in closer to her as he whispered briskly in her ear.

“You should be.”

Buffy’s eyes grew wide. Then she looked at the glass of the picture frame that she still clutched tightly in her hand. Blood, William’s blood. “Oh my god,” she breathed. “William you’re bleeding.” His grip on her shoulder loosened and she was able to turn and face him. “William?” she called out, but he was gone. “William?” Buffy cried out more desperately as she stood and searched for him. “Oh God,” she whimpered as she sank back onto the bench. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion as the ornate frame that held William’s picture slipped from her grasp and shattered onto the hard floor.

Buffy woke with a start, the noise of the shattered glass still in her ear. “Willow?” Buffy called out to her roommate. “Are you here?” Her only answer was the silence of her empty room. “Guess not,” Buffy replied to herself, climbing out of her bed. She reached the floor and started to head to the bathroom for her morning shower. She stopped suddenly when a shooting pain ran up her leg. Buffy lifted her foot to find the source of the pain. Glass? Buffy thought to herself. Upon further inspection she noticed that the floor was littered with broken shards of glass.

“What the... ?” Buffy bent down to begin cleaning up the mess when she noticed where the glass had come from. There on the floor was her shattered picture frame. The image of William that it held was now covered in blood. “Oh my God!” Buffy screamed. “Somebody please help me!”