I remember you

Thank you so much for the positive reviews and feedback…I hope you are still reading, and I hope this chapter isn’t too confusing…Spoilers for ‘I only have eyes for you…’

I remember you_7

They got to the door of Buffy’s house, and she so used to him being there with her she had forgotten he had never been invited in. So holding his hand she walked casually over the threshold.

She was jerked back when Spike couldn’t enter and hit the barrier. “Uh…luv…I need to be invited…what the bloody hell is your watcher teaching you?”

“I…I know I just forgot…I was thinking…” Buffy said softly. “Come in Spike.”

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“I’ve found a way to anchor his soul. I have to go and tell him. Once I complete the ritual I can come back here and be with you.”

“Is that what you really want? You’ve seen how crazy my life is Jenny…are you sure you can…”

“I love you Rupert. This…this thing with my clan and Angel…it’s a century old. It’s the first thing I was taught, they groomed me to do this…I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I couldn’t. I hope
you understand…”

“I do it’s just…what if…”

“We can’t live our lives on what if’s Rupert. We can’t. I love you and I’m willing to do what it takes to keep you…I hope you can say the same.”

“You…you love me? Really?”

“More than anything.” She said softly leaning in to kiss him gently.

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Spike sat at the kitchen island, his eyes focusing only on the liquid in the mug. His hands were wrapped securely around the barely touched contents.

He couldn’t look at her, still unsure how to broach the subject. They had been sitting for about twenty minutes.

“Spike…I’m sorry…”

“Don’t.” He looked up at her then. She averted her eyes, unable to take the intensity of his gaze. “I’m still not sure about this Buffy…how do I know what I’m feeling is real? How do I know it’s not just part of the claim?” He asked. “I think…I think I just need some time away…some time…not to hurt you or try to prove to myself I don’t need you…because I’m starting to think that I do. I just need some time to see if this is real…can you give me that?” He asked.

She glanced across the room at him, suddenly aching to be in his arms. The way he was looking at her, the love she saw shining in his eyes, she needed the re-assurance of his touch.

“Yeah…I can give you anything…” She said softly, taking the few steps towards him that would bring her within arms reach. “Could you do something for me though?” She requested softly.

“What’s that then? He lifted her chin so their eyes locked.

“Will you just…just…hold me…for a while…I know you want to leave…”

“Don’t want to slayer. I never want to leave your side…but I have to …I need to know if my feelings are real…do you understand the difference?” He asked.

“Yeah…I do…I just…love you so much…and I know that’s not what you need to hear right now…but I do…and I need you…” unshed tears glistened in her eyes, but she stubbornly refused to let them fall.

“Come on then…let’s go get tucked in…” He said softly, taking her by the hand he let her lead him upstairs.

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Buffy turned off the light after shutting her door. Silently she lifted the covers from her bed and crawled in. Spike got in the other side and pulled her against him, his nose automatically seeking her out. He pressed his face against her and inhaled deeply.

She snuggled closer and winced slightly when her sore side pressed up against him. “What’s wrong?” He asked tensing.

“My side’s just a little sore…” She murmured resting her head against him. “I missed you.”

“Don’t change the subject slayer, why is your side sore? Some nasty get a hold of you?” He pulled back and started lifting her shirt slightly.

“It’s fine Spike…” She tried to push her shirt back down.

“Let me see…” He growled impatiently. Pushing her on to her back and lifting the shirt again he gazed down with yellow eyes at the fading bruise. “I’m gonna go turn on the light...”

“There’s a lamp…” She leaned over and flicked it on. Buffy lay back down so he could inspect her wound. His eyes flew to hers and then focused on her bruised, chaffed wrists. It was minimal thanks to slayer healing, but still slightly visible. He grabbed one arm roughly bringing it closer so he could inspect the marks more closely. “What’s this?” He growled.

“I…” She tugged her arm free and rubbed her wrist gently. “I was shackled…”

“WHAT?” He roared invading her personal space. “Who touched you? Who dared to lay their hands on you?” His face was inches from hers.

“Spike…it’s ok…” She said softly. She closed her eyes, being unable to handle the possesiveness in his gaze. ‘He’s still not ready to admit it, so it’s too hard to see it.’

“It is bloody well not okay.” He growled, pressing closer still. “Who did it slayer?”

“I…it was Angel…he…”

“You let him shackle you?” Spike asked incredulously. “Why?”

“I didn’t let him do anything…” She sad angrily, pushing him away a little. “He knocked me out…that’s the fading bruise from the cattle prod…then he took me back to his place, He wanted me to admit to him that I felt something for him…”

Spike’s inhuman howl of rage startled her for a moment. “I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch. I
warned him…I bloody well warned him…” Spike leapt from the bed and headed for the door.

“He’s gone.” She said softly.

“What do you mean gone?”

She told him in detail what had happened. By the time she was finished Spike had her wrapped securely in his arms. “I should have been there…I should have been with you…but I was too bloody stubborn to admit…I knew…I felt it…you…and I blew it off cause I was so bloody angry. I’m such an idiot.” He pulled her into his lap. “I’m so sorry…I should have come for you…”

“Shhhhh…it’s okay…you’re here with me now…”

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“I have to go luv…Sun’ll be up soon…” He whispered.

“Don’t go…” She cried clinging tighter to him. “Please don’t leave me…Oh god Spike… No! No, you’ve done enough! You could still…”

“Shhhhh…” He whispered against her hair. Buffy startled from her dream. ‘Nightmare.’

“Bad dream…” Buffy murmured, burrowing further into his embrace. ‘Why was I dreaming about that? it was the worst night of my life.’

“I’ve got to go…you be alright?” He asked.

“Yeah…I…I think I’m gonna go to school…just…you know do normal stuff…hang out with the gang…you’ll know where to find me when you decide what you’re gonna do?” She asked.

“I can feel you…I’ll always know where to find you.” He whispered. Spike kissed her tenderly and
then got up from her bed.

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‘I just have to continue to live my life normally, if I don’t I’ll go crazy.’ Buffy thought determinedly walking into the school.

Things went okay for the next two weeks. She didn’t see Spike once in all that time, although he did see her. Spike stayed far enough away that she wouldn’t be able to fee him, but close enough that if something happened to her he would be able to help.

Buffy was strolling down the hallway, deep in thought over her missing love, when suddenly she bumped into someone.

“Oh…sorry…” He said grabbing her by the shoulders to steady her. “Actually…I’m kinda glad I ran into you…I wanted to ask you something…you know the dance tomorrow night? Are you going?”

”You mean the Sadie Hawkins thing? The deal where the girls ask the boys?” Buffy asked, pulling away from him slightly.

”Yeah. And I thought maybe, you know, if you're free, you might ask me. “

”Oh, gosh... I...” She frowned and retreated a little further.

”Oh, oh, hey, hey, no, don't, don't worry about it...” He said raising his hands and backing away.

”No, no, you seem like a really great guy, it's...I’m sorta seeing someone…he doesn’t go here…”

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“Come back here! We're not finished! You don't care anymore, is that it?” The boy screamed angrily.

”No, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what I feel.” The girl was sobbing.

The boy grabbed her by her upper arms. “Then tell me you don't love me.” He shook her roughly. “Say it!”

”Will that help? Is that what you need to hear? I don't. I don't! Now let me go.” She tried to pull away.

“No! A person doesn't just wake up one day and stop loving somebody.” He took a step back, raised a revolver, pulled the hammer back and aimed it at her. She looked at the gun, then up at him, with fright in her eyes.

“Love is forever. I'm not afraid to use it. I swear! If I can't be with you...”

”Hey!” Buffy called out walking towards the arguing couple.

”Oh, my God!” The girl murmured, she turned from him and started to run.

”DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME, BITCH!”

Buffy kicked him in the arm that held the gun, stopping him from shooting. ‘Oh god! I remember this…the ghosts.’

”What happened?” He asked shakily.

”What happened?! You just went O.J. on your girlfriend!” Buffy cringed. ‘Think Buffy think. Can’t tell them you know cause you’re from the future…’

The girl had returned. Her eyes were downcast, she couldn’t look at him.

”This is nuts! I... I don't know why I got so mad.”

”Because you're a jerk?” Buffy asked glaring at him. ‘A Slayer dream…I can say it was in a slayer dream…’

”He's not. We weren't even fighting a few minutes ago.” The girl said coming to his defense.

”We weren't, I, I swear to God!” He added.

”If you weren't fighting, then why'd you have a gun?” Buffy asked.

”I don't, I don't know. I don't even know where I got it.” He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts.

”I don't see any gun.” The janitor, who had joined them added.

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“You can't make me disappear just because you say it's over.” He said angrily, tossing his broom to the side.

”There's no way we can be together. No way people will ever understand. Accept it.” She said clutching her class planner tighter.

”Is that what this is about? What other people think?” He asked.

”No! I just want you to be able to have some kind of a normal life. We can never have that. Don't you see?” She cried.

”I don't give a damn about a normal life! I'm going crazy not seeing you. I think about you every minute.” He said voice heavy with unshed tears.

”I know. But it's over. It has to be.” She said firmly before walking away.

”Come back here! We're not finished yet! You don't care anymore? Is that it?” He asked angrily as he followed her.

“It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what I feel.” She sobbed.

”Then tell me you don't love me.” He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. “Say it!”

”Will that help? Is that what you have to hear? I don't. I don't. Now let me go.” She tried to pull away from his grasp.

”No. A person doesn't just wake up one day and stop loving somebody.” A gun materialized in his hand. He took a step back, raised the revolver, pulled the hammer back and aimed it at her. She glanced at the gun, frightened.

”Love is forever. I'm not afraid to use it. I swear. If I can't be with you...”

”Oh, my God.” She backed away.

”DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME, BITCH!” He screamed.

Giles noticed the loud yelling coming from the hallway. He looked up from his desk. Getting up, he took off his glasses and walked out of his office to the area behind the checkout counter. There he heard a faint female voice.

”I need you.”

”Jenny? Back already?” He smiled happily and slipped from the library.

”Don't! Don't do that, damn it! Don't talk to me like I'm some dumb...” He pulled the trigger.
She fell over the balcony landing with a sickening thud on the tile below.

”What's going on?” He asked.

”What's going on? You just shot a woman.” Giles gestured to the body on the floor.

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“How come we've never heard about this murder-suicide thing before? When did it happen?” Xander asked.

”1955.” Buffy said softly.

”How did you know?” Willow asked, glancing at her best friend.

”Okay, here's the new strangeness. I dreamt about this woman…” She pointed to yearbook photo. “Grace Newman, the other day. Her and this guy.” She pointed out a young man.

“Jim Stanley? He's the one. He did it.” Willow nodded.

”Your dreams are getting wicked accurate, Buff. You wouldn't happen to see me coming across some big cash? Or possibly knowing the love of a woman? In a full body sense?”

”He couldn't make her love him, so he killed her. Sicko.” Buffy closed her eyes and sighed. ‘What am I gonna do? Angelus saved me last time…he hasn’t made an appearance…so who’s gonna save me now?’

”He looks so normal on this picture. He was smart, too. He made the honor roll.”

”Smart.” Buffy snorted. ‘If I don’t go through with it, more innocent people will die…’

”He killed a person and killed himself. Those are pretty much two of the dumbest things you could do.”

”I know, but... Well, don't you feel kind of bad for them?” Willow asked.

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“Fun fact about wasps. They have no taste for the undead. Not that a sting would do me any damage, it's just... tonight's special. I wanted to look my best for you.” He said softly stepping closer.

”You're the only one. The only person I can talk to.” She said quietly.

”Gosh, slayer. That's really pathetic.”

”You can't make me disappear just because you say it's over.”

”Actually... I can. In fact... I just want you to be able to have some kind of normal life. We can never have that, don't you see?” Spike asked.

”I don't give a damn about a normal life! I'm going crazy not seeing you. I think about you every minute.” Buffy whimpered.

Spike raised his hand gently to her cheek.

She raised her hand gently to his cheek. He looked down sadly.

”I know. But it's over. It has to be!”

She turned around and started to leave. He glanced up again and started to chase after her.

Buffy chased after Spike. “Come back here! We're not finished! You don't care anymore, is that it?”

”It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what I feel.” Spike was sobbing.

”Then tell me you don't love me!” Buffy cried.

“Say it!” He begged.

”Is that what you need to hear? Will that help? I don't.” She said flatly.

”I don't. Now let me go.” Spike pulled back.

”No. A person doesn't just wake up and stop loving somebody!” Buffy snarled.

She kept her eyes on him. He took a step back, raised a revolver, pulled the hammer back and aimed it at her.

Spike glanced at the gun and then at Buffy, frightened.

“Love is forever. I'm not afraid to use it, I swear! If I can't be with you...” She stared down the revolver at him

”Oh, my God!” He whispered. He turned around and started running out in the hall towards the balcony.

She ran towards the hall, straight towards the balcony.

”DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME...” He screamed.

”...BITCH!” Buffy screamed as she ran after him.

he ran after her.

Spike barged through the door out onto the balcony.

”Stop it! Stop it! Don't make me!” Buffy begged.

”All right. Just...” Spike turned to face Buffy.

She turned around to face him. “You know you don't want to do this. Let's both... just calm down. Now give me the gun.” She held out her hand to him.

”Don't. Don't do that, damn it!” He shouted.

”Don't talk to me like I'm some stupid...” Buffy shouted. A shot was fired. Spike flinched when he felt the bullet enter his chest. Spike’s hand moved to cover the wound. He pulled his hand back and saw the blood. Spike looked up at Buffy. She stared back at Spike in open-mouthed shock at what she just did.

”James.” He said softly.

She went into shock as the bullet entered her body, slowly she began to fall backward. She tumbled over the balcony railing down to the base of the stairs below.

Buffy just stared in shock.

He saw her below him, lying dead with her eyes closed. He slowly walked back into the hall.

Spike was lying prone at the base of the stairs below.

Buffy walked slowly into the music room.

Spike’s eyes suddenly shot open. He propped himself up on his elbows and glanced up at the balcony.

Buffy walked over to the record player at the back of the room. She turned it on and began to play the record she found.

My love must be a kind of blind love

Buffy glanced into a mirror, He was looking back at her. Buffy’s eyes were full of tears as she stared at him.

He looked down at the gun in his hand.

I can't see anyone but you

The gun was clenched tightly in Buffy’s hand. She raised it slowly. A strong hand on her arm stilled the upward motion, and pushed her arm back down. She turned to find herself face to face with Spike.

”Grace!” Buffy’s face lit up.

”Don't do this.” Spike begged.

”But…but I killed you.” Buffy said anguished.

”It was an accident. It wasn't your fault.” Spike said softly.

”Oh, it is my fault. How could I...” The tears formed behind Buffy’s eyes.

”Shhh. I'm the one who should be sorry, James. You thought I stopped loving you. But I never did. I loved you with my last breath.” Spike said softly.

Buffy was sobbing brokenly.

“Shhh... No more tears.” Spike said softly pulling her into his arms.

They shared a sweet kiss. A final kiss. A kiss goodbye.

Spike and Buffy shared a passionate kiss. Holding each other tightly they continued to kiss. Above them in the ceiling a bright light appeared, as the spirits of Grace and James left this world for the next. As quickly as it appeared the light vanished. Buffy and Spike gently broke off their kiss and opened their eyes.

“Spike.” She whispered, resting her forehead against him.

Suddenly he growled, and pushed her away. Spike ran from the room, leaving Buffy there in shock.

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Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It’s nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line

Spike was pacing like a caged animal. ‘I bloody well know what I want. So why did I get so scared and run away?’ He grabbed his duster off the bed and slammed the hotel room door behind himself. ‘Gotta go get what’s mine.’

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something

‘I could see the love in his eyes. Why is he doing this to me? Is he trying to punish me? Or maybe that is my punishment. For him to be ashamed of me this time.’ Buffy laughed bitterly. ‘Just when I have it all figured out and finally know what he means to me, he dies. Now that I have a chance to fix everything He can’t be with me.’

I promise I might
Not walk on by
Maybe next time
But not this time

Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something

Buffy didn’t hear the soft tapping on her window at first, didn’t even clue in to the fact that she could feel him outside her window. She turned, when the tapping became more insistent.

Walking over to the window she opened it. “Hey.”

“Come with me.” Was all he said as he held out his hand.

Not hesitating for an instant she placed her tiny warm hand in his. Spike’s hand closed over hers and he helped her climb out of her window and into the tree. He pulled her against him and held her tight. “I’m sorry.” He whispered into her hair.

“Where are we going?” She whispered back.

“That matter?” He asked.

“No.” She answered pressing closer to him.

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something?

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Song used One thing By Finger Eleven

TBC…Please let me know if you liked the extra long chapter…the ghost thing was REALLY hard to write, but I hope it captured something…and LOTS of SPUFFY lovin’ in the next chapter…I promise.