Nocturnal Bravura Book Three: Children Of Destiny

Beta'd By Spikeslovebite

Empty

Lizzie and Spike sat in her crypt holding each other tightly. Neither one had spoken a word since he had carried her back from Willie’s bar. His demon had taken over as soon as they were indoors. Before he could do anything to stop it, he pushed Lizzie down onto the stone sarcophagus and ripped into her neck.

Much to his surprise he felt her fangs piercing his skin as well. Her demon had emerged demanding the same satisfaction. It took only moments, but to both Lizzie and Spike it seemed like an eternity as they reaffirmed their claim.

After the wounds had been cleaned, both shifted back into their human faces and just stared at each other. Spike felt dazed as he lay back. Lizzie crawled up onto his chest and snuggled there as she had done so many times before.

Something was different. He could feel it. The demon inside him felt it, too. It growled and snapped at the unfamiliar presence it felt within its mate.

Spike stared deep into Lizzie’s eyes. “You have your soul back,” he said
incredulously. The Orb. You picked it up that night and I saw your eyes glow. It healed you by giving you back your soul.”

“It was an Orb of Thesulah and yes, it restored my soul,” she whispered.

Spike closed his eyes. She was different. With her new clarity came more knowledge. With the reaffirmation of their Claim, there were things that he could feel. All that she went through when she came back. All the guilt and pain she felt for her former victims. Her need for redemption. Her painful secrets. The things that she kept hidden in her fear and grief. He knew at that moment what he had to do.

Lizzie looked up and saw that tears had begun to fall from Spike’s eyes. She touched his face. “Spike?” she questioned, deeply concerned.

He sat up, pushing her away almost savagely as he leaped to the floor. She gasped as she almost fell from the sarcophagus.

Spike headed for the door, then stopped, pacing back and forth and burying his fists in his hair as he muttered and cursed to himself. She slowly climbed down and watched him incredulously as he fought something inside himself. Finally he turned and flung himself into her arms. “How do I say goodbye to My Lizzie?” he cried.

“What do you mean?” Lizzie asked.

Spike looked at her somberly. “We can’t be together, Lizzie. Not now, not ever,” he said, his body trembling.

“What do you mean? Spike, we’re mated. Claimed,” Lizzie argued.

“And William?” Spike questioned, trying to push her away.

She flinched as though he had struck her. “You know,” she whispered.

“I remember his scent pretty well.”

“Spike...”

“You were covered with it the night you died. I can't smell it on you now, but I think that’s because Red must have done some mojo. That would explain the first night I came to you. I got all the way here but didn't feel you inside. I knew you were in there, but I didn't know who you were. I saw you out there, with Will,” Spike said quietly.

Lizzie rocked on her feet. She took another step back when Spike reached out for her.

“I’m not mad, luv. I could never be mad at you. You thought I was gone forever. I always knew if something happened to me you would end up with Will. I just didn’t think I would have to stick around and watch it,” Spike spat out.

Lizzie covered her face and sank to the floor.

Instantly a memory of Buffy flashed before his eyes. This was his greatest fear. If she stayed with him and remembered too much, she would again become tortured; filled with pain and agony. He could not do that to her again.

“NO!” Spike cried out. He grabbed Lizzie by the shoulders and hauled her to her feet, shaking her roughly. “Don’t do this to yourself!”” he demanded.

“I’m so confused. I…I need a minute to think.”

Spike took her in his arms. “Nothing to be confused about, Luv. I go back to the mansion and you stay here.”

“I don’t understand,” Lizzie said. “Why are you doing this to me?”

He began pacing again. “What did you think would happen, Lizzie? That you would come back with me? You can’t!” Spike yelled.

Lizzie stood there looking at him, her green eyes filling with tears.

“Tell me Lizzie, what are you going to do the first time I feed? Huh? The first time I give in to my demon?” Spike asked in a harsh voice. A voice he had never used with her before. “I thought about it just now. The look on your face. You would think I was a monster and you would be right. That’s what I am; they make monster movies about creatures like me.”

“I’m one of you, too, Spike,” she retorted.

“You have a soul. You know right from wrong. I don’t. One day I will act before I think and do something evil. I would disappoint you and you would never be able to see me the same way again. I wouldn’t be able to take it,” Spike whispered.

“I love you, Spike. I always have,” she said, as if saying those words could make everything better.

“I’m nothing but a demon now Lizzie.”

“Stop it! Stop it, you know that’s not true,” she cried.

Spike looked At Lizzie, his face expressionless. “You know what the first thing was that I figured out about being a vampire? How much blood you can drink from a girl before she'll die. I know. You see, the trick is to drink just enough to know how to damage them. Just enough so that they'll still cry when you drain them, 'cause it's not worth it if they don't cry,” Spike sneered

She stared at him, tears of pain rolling down her face. “If you’re trying to prove a point, it’s not going to work.”

Spike walked up to Lizzie and grabbed her by the shoulders, forcing her to see him.

“I already did it. It's already done.” He shook her once more. “You wanna know what I've done to girls Dawn's age? What WE’VE done to girls Dawn's age?”

Lizzie gasped and jerked away from him, her hands covering her mouth in shock as she took a step back.

“See, this is me, Lizzie. This is what I am; like it or not,” Spike whispered.

She stood there trembling. She could feel so many things from him. Rage. Anger. Heartache. But she also felt his love for her. His love, and his determination to do this thing he had decided was the best for both of them.

Spike began to walk out of the crypt.

“You don’t have to go back,” she pleaded.

“Yes, I do Lizzie. That mansion. That life, it’s mine. All I have is the darkness. I don’t even have you anymore,” Spike said.

“You’re going to Claim another?” she asked, her undead heart breaking.

Spike was on her in a flash. “No! Never. You’re my love, my life. There will never be another for me,” he vowed.

Lizzie stared up at him, everything she felt for him in her eyes.

He squeezed his own eyes closed, pure misery etched his face. “Don’t do this, Lizzie. Don’t look at me that way. If you do, I’ll never be able to walk away.”

She stepped into him, pressing her face into his chest and breathing in his scent.

“I don’t know what to do…What to say...Only that I love you, so much. I love you beyond anything.”

Spike kissed the top of her head.

“But you love Will, too. You’re a full fledge white hatter. Helping those damn Scoobies. Watching Dawnie grow up,” Spike said, trying to lighten the mood.

“I’m also a vampire, Spike.” Lizzie said, her voice broken. “All I ever wanted was to be with you, forever.”

“And what of your soul, Luv?” He tipped her chin up, gazing into her beloved face. “If you stayed with me, it would turn black. It would destroy you. I don’t have a shred of goodness in me. The only thing good I ever had was you. And now that I see you like this, all I feel is...Empty. I don’t know why I’m back. Maybe this is the real hell,” Spike mused.

“How can you say that?” Lizzie wailed. “Knowing everything we were to each other, how can you talk to me like this? You sound like you hate me!”

Spike took her face in his hands. “You know I could never hate you. It’s just that…You’re here; so beautiful and perfect. You’re mine, but I can’t have you. This has to be my punishment for everything I have ever done wrong. This has to be hell. To look at you and know that you’re finally well, but I can’t be with you.”

“You can!” She stamped her foot. “It doesn’t have to be this way. It doesn’t!” Lizzie sobbed.

Spike kissed her again. “I have to go, Luv.” he whispered.

Lizzie clung to him desperately. “Don’t! Please, don’t...”

“God, Lizzie! Princess, please don’t do this. I can’t let you go if you do this.” Spike said in anguish.

She refused to let him go. “Just stay with me a little while, please?” She begged.

Without another word, he gave in. Just for a tonight. He climbed up on the stone sarcophagus and held out his hand, beckoning her to lie beside him. Lizzie crawled up his chest, feeling his arms wrap around her. She lay against him, completely drained by emotion. Eventually she slept.

She awoke the next sundown. Alone. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself, too miserable even for tears.

William would be home soon. Explanations and decisions would have to be made. She would have to decide how she truly felt about all of this. But for now all Lizzie could feel was one thing...

Empty.